Chapter Text
It had all started when he'd gotten that damned hard-light body. Not that Rimmer didn't like it, quite the opposite - he was spending an embarrassing amount of time that day picking things up and putting them down again just to remind himself he could. However, having a body again, or at least a close approximation, meant he had to face up to something he'd been pushing firmly to the back of his mind for the last few years.
He was in love with Lister.
The thought made him itch. Every shred of his sanity, every last ounce of his common sense was repulsed by the very idea, but somehow his heart hadn't got the memo, and the feeling persisted. He couldn't put his finger on when it had started.
The more he tried to make sense of it the less sense it made. Lister? David Lister? A man who's dirty laundry set off the carbon monoxide alarms? Who, playing guitar, could singlehandedly ward off all sentient lifeforms in a hundred mile radius? A man with no ambition or drive or-
Oh smeg. It didn't matter, none of it mattered. And now he was hardlight he couldn't use being a non-corporeal dead man as an excuse anymore.
The overhead lights flickered, the ship groaned, the engines buzzed faintly. Rimmer stared at the top of his bunk, thinking about everything again. It was strange; if he closed his eyes, it almost felt like life before the accident again. Thin, ship issue duvet on skin, the presence of the bunk above him. Of course it wasn't quite right, mostly for lack of Lister's snoring in his single quarters on Starbug, but it was close.
Somebody knocked on the door. Rimmer startled, propping onto his elbow,
"What?"
The door slid open, and a familiar gerbil-y grin looked back at him "Just me," Lister laughed, one arm moving to lean against the bunk and the other holding a lager.
"What do you want?" Rimmer said tersely
Lister raised his hands in mock surrender "Chill out, man. I just wanted to see how you were going with the whole 'having a body' thing,"
"It's splendid, very bodily, now would you please vacate my quarters?" Rimmer glowered
Lister ignored him "It's just I would've thought it'd be quite cool, you know? You've been whinging about not having a body for so long I'd think you'd be over the moon now you finally have one again,"
Rimmer relented, sighing out something approaching a laugh "Yeah, it's not bad, I'll admit,"
Lister quirked an eyebrow, as if asking him to continue.
"I drank six cups of tea earlier, you know that herbal crap from supplies nobody goes near?" Rimmer admitted "I don't even like tea, it's just been so long since I tasted anything it seemed like the most exquisite drink crafted by man,"
"But you could drink stuff before, couldn't you? You've been drunk with us plenty of times," Lister said, puzzled.
"But I couldn't taste that. It's like having water fed to you when you have an entirely numb mouth, just the vague sensation of a liquid, nothing more,"
Lister hummed, nodding, before seeming to remember why he was there "Oh, yeah, right. I smuggled some drinks out of my cell of Legion's ship, me and the Cat were gonna have them tonight. You wanna join?"
Rimmer almost considered the offer, but decided against it. With the places his brain was going he didn't trust himself to be anything less than sober around Lister "No, I'm alright, I might just get some sleep,"
"You sure?" Lister tried, but seeing Rimmer shake his head, he gave up, patting the top of the bunk and leaving without another word.
"Lights," Rimmer called, flopping back onto the hard mattress. He closed his eyes, thoughts racing, painfully aware of every fibre of cotton on his blanket, ever particle of air moving past his face, his brain repeating thoughts of Lister like a mantra. He opened his eyes, letting his brain invent little coloured lines in the dark of the plain roof above his bunk.
It was going to be a long night.