Work Text:
"Ew?"
“Ewe, David."
"Me?"
"Ewe. E-W-E. It's a female sheep."
"Aren't they just called sheep? Gender is just a social construct."
“A critical examination on the gender theory of sheep is not going to change the fact that you’re 14 points behind.”
“I would have been 14 points ahead if you’d let me play ‘Mariah.’”
“You didn’t even have ‘Mariah.’ It was ‘Marih.’”
“Splitting hairs.”
"Okay, David. Really?"
"What?"
“What is that? That’s not a word.”
“It is too.”
"No, you're clearly just making up words right now."
“Okay, I was earlier, yes, but this is an actual word, Patrick."
“Picayune?”
“Yes.”
“Sounds like a character from Shakespeare. The one with the fairies. A Midsummer Night’s Dream.”
“That’s... Puck.”
“Lord, what fools these mortals be.”
“Patrick… ”
“Alas, poor Yorick.”
“Patrick. Also, that’s Hamlet.”
“A horse, a horse, my kingdom --”
“-- Patrick.”
“Use it in a sentence then.”
“You’re being very picayune right now.”
“Ohh. Yeah, okay, no, that’s not real.”
“It is.”
“What does it mean?”
“Petty. Small-minded.”
“Petty? Well obviously you’re just teasing me.”
“No. My mom has said this word to me many times.”
“Alright, that I’ll believe. My turn.”
“Okay, can you please be careful with the pieces? I don’t want Stevie to find out we’re playing with this.”
“Why not?”
“I just know she’ll be really weirded out by it. By this whole… thing.”
“She’s the one who invited us to stay here.”
“Yeah, to have sex. Not to… play with her board games in our pajamas.”
“You’re saying she’ll be more weirded out by the fact that we’re playing with her Scrabble tiles in her kitchen this morning than the fact that we had sex twice in her bed last night?”
“Yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
“Wait, no. David, you can’t put that there.”
“What? What do you mean?”
“I had a plan for that square.”
“You had a plan for this square?”
“Yes, I was setting it up all the way back from ‘herbal.’”
“I’m sorry but you can’t preemptively lay claim to Scrabble spaces. That’s not how the game works. In fact that’s like the opposite of how the game works.”
“I think we decided to forgo the rules with ‘picayune.’”
“You just can’t let that one go, can you?”
“I can in one second…”
“What is that? ”
“It’s a 52 point move is what that is.”
“Quarjly? ”
“Quarjly.”
“Okay, that is definitely not a word. Like, you’re not even trying to be subtle there.”
“It most certainly is a word.”
“In English? ”
“Yes.”
“What does it mean?”
“A large amount. A great deal. Knowing no bounds or limits.”
"Mm-hmm. Okay, use it in a sentence."
"I like you quarjly, David."
“Um. Well. That… is just the stupidest sounding word I’ve ever heard, and now I’m even more convinced that it’s made up.”
"Well, technically, David, all the words are made up."
"Okay arguing about semantics is not going to change the fact that you are a bald-faced liar and a cheater.”
“Stop being so paciyune.”
“It’s picayune.”