Chapter Text
”I have to do it!” Cas yelled over the roaring thunder, the wind shaking the trees violently ”It’s my fault they are here!”
Dean stood shoulders broad fighting against the wind, howling ”We have another way Cas, you don't have to do this!”
Cas shook his head determined but not mad ”I do it’s my problem”
”What am I supposed to do watch you die!” Dean screamed his voice breaking. But his eyes were burning with rage, his jaw set with fury. The earth trembled beneath them, but they stood like roaring wildfires pit against each other.
Cas raised his hand pressing two fingers against Dean's forehead, his eyes softening ”I’m sorry”
The ground beneath Dean swayed, he felt Cas’s fingertips lift off his forehead. The last thing he saw was Cas’s retreating figure, the trench coat whipping behind him. His shoulders back, a soldier going to war.
Dean tried to plead with him but the world already went black when he hit the wet soil.
--
Blinking his eyes open, panic coursed through his veins. All he could think is Cas.
He ran, his shoes sloshing in the mud. The cold air harsh against his raw cheeks. He kept running.
How long had he been out? Dean's eyes darted in every direction. Left, right, forwards, backward.
Cas hovered in the air his large wings stretched out. His chest bare covered by a large sigil painted on with blood. Only his trenchcoat draped over his back torn threw his wings.
His wings flapped furiously against the raging winds, leaves picking up beneath him. They are shiny black, blue grace dripped down the side. Dean could see them clearly in the dark, almost as if they illuminated him somehow.
Claws come out of nowhere ripping Cas’s wing from his back. He lets out a blood-curdling scream of anguish. Blinding blue grace streaming from where the monster began to rip off Cas’s wings. Holding on by just a thread of meat and bone. His other wing tried to keep him afloat but he began falling.
All Dean can do is watch helplessly on the ground below them.
Cas slams his hand into his chest the Goddess erupting into flames. It let's out a high pitched scream, turning to ash.
Cas’s grace leaves him, his vessel goes falling, falling, falling, to the ground just a shell now. It's slow to fall like a feather empty without Cas, without wings.
Dean runs over to Cas’s lifeless vessel, dropping to his knees. Clutching him to his chest, he wails ”no, no, no”
“Please come back” Dean shakes him sobbing into the bloodied trenchcoat.
Cas is gone, dead. Dean can't process it all he just rocks back and forth holding the abandoned vessel. A pool of rage bubbling on the verge of combustion.
Trees break behind him, the earth wobbling, cracking in all directions. Dean drops the body, spinning around. Good something to kill. The angel blade pointed out towards the danger.
Before him stands a creature as tall as a skyscraper. Blue, with six large black wings billowing out behind it. Four animal heads each with bright blue eyes, a lion, a hare, a gazelle, and a stork.
Castiel’s true form.
It should be blinding him like it did Pamela but it isn't. His grace is too depleted. The blade drops from Dean’s hand as he marvels at the magnificence, feeling the euphoric energy coming from his true being.
Blood drips from his eye but he can't bring himself to look away.
Dean feels so small in comparison, a speck of dust against Cas’s true beauty.
”Castiel” Dean shouts, the storming stopped it's only heavy rain now.
All four heads snap towards Dean, letting out content cries. Dean smiles warily stepping closer to Cas.
”Please come back to me” Dean calls the stork beak poking his chest. Fear bubbles inside of him but he knows it’s still Cas.
The stork strokes it’s beak along his body returning to it’s position high in the air. His form slumps grace whisping around him, he's in pain.
Just as Castiel’s true form came it is gone dissipating into a blue light. The ethereal light gliding around Dean brushing past his shoulders. Illuminating his old vessel.
”Ahh” Dean cries out clawing at his back, the pain from Cas radiating onto him as his light passes by.
”Dean” Cas groans his eyes open, grace engulfing every inch. His wings are visible again, glowing with grace trying to heal him.
”Cas you're alive” Dean drops to the ground, holding Cas’s face baring part of his pain.
His eyes flutter shut, pale, sweaty, and cold to the touch. He is trembling under Dean’s touch even in his unconscious state.
The rain like sharp knives pouring down on them. Dean scoops Cas into his arms, holding him bridal style. Carrying him out of the forest, towards the bobby’s house.
Dean doesn't let the pain he shares with Cas bother him he just grits his teeth and walks. The tips of Cas’s wings nearly brushing the ground as he walks. A bright blue glow on his wings. Everything around Dean is a blur.
”Sam, Bobby” Dean groans his voice strained as he enters the house. Gently placing Cas down on his bed.
Sam gasps walking into the room, ”Bobby is on a case. What happened?”
”He’s an idiot Sam” Dean scoffed his hand not leaving Cas’s own ”He went after the goddess Hecate by himself and she tried to tear off his wings. And he killed her but Sammy look at him I just I...”
”whoa calm down Dean” Sam clasps his hand on his shoulder ”breath, he’s going to be okay”
Dean shut his eyes tightly nodding.
--
Dean didn't leave Cas’s side the rest of the day, waiting for him to wake. He only left when Cas woke to get food.
”I bought soup,” Sam said gently holding out two bowls to Dean ”How is he?”
”Better I think he woke up but...” Dean paused his eyes looking off in the distance ”he’s still shaking, and his grace is depleted”
”He’s going to be okay Dean this is Cas,” Sam says sympathetically patting Dean’s shoulder ”Go take care of your... Him”
Sam would have joked about Cas and Dean acting like boyfriends but he caught himself. Knowing Dean was one wrong move away from snapping.
--
”Let me in Cas” Dean’s voice reverberated through the hallway, pounding his fist against the door. He tried the handle again.
Cas held out his arm holding the door closed with his grace ”No”
”Dammit Cas” Dean roared ”Don't make me break down this door”
Cas dropped his arm slumping down. Hunched over the side of the bed. His legs dangling to the floor with his wings spilling out over the entire bed, blue grace working its way to fix the one ripped halfway off. Blood smeared down the back of his trench coat onto the bed still dripping from the ghastly wound. Fallen feathers sat aimlessly all around.
Dean's breath tightened as he saw the pain Cas was in. He came around to face Cas placing the bowls down. Sliding a chair over to sit in front of him.
He still had blood on his chest but the cuts were healed.
”Please leave Dean” Cas begged, opening his eyes to reveal a swirl of grace and blood ”I don't want you to see me in this sickening state”
”Cas oh” Dean dabbed his fingers beside Cas’s eyes, his voice delicate ”You don't look sickening, you are in pain.”
”Still” Cas mumbled his unbearable eyes flicking over to the bowl of soup.
”Here” Dean picks up the bowl, holding it in front of Cas. He scoops some of the soup up in the spoon holding it to Cas’s mouth.
”I’m not a baby bird”
Dean tilts his head squinting his eyes, sternly saying ”you are shaking so much you can't lift the spoon”
Cas sighs closing his mouth around the spoon.
”When I was waiting for you to wake up, I could feel part of your pain.” Dean whispered as he fed Cas. It was just like caring for baby Sam again.
Cas’s wings made a small movement causing him to wince, but not before Dean caught an unreadable expression on his face. He downcast his eyes ”I’m sorry”
”No” Dean reassured ”I was hoping you could do it again because you seemed to heal faster”
Despite the immense pain it invoked on Dean he knew Cas felt greater pain.
Cas stared for a moment taking in Dean’s offer ”I can't let you do that, I don’t know why you would be willing to anyway.”
Dean frowned as he placed the empty bowl back down “Cas if you don’t know by now that I’m willing to do anything for you, then I don’t know what to tell you.”
His head snapped up, part of him did feel like maybe what everyone had told him was true. That he wasn’t part of the family “I just, thank you Dean Winchester, but I will heal”
“I have an idea turn around” Dean said grabbing the first aid kit under the bed.
Cas turned around his wings shifting awkwardly as to not hit Dean.
“May I” Dean asked his hand hovering over Cas’s wing. Looking over his shoulder Cas nodded.
The wing is heavy but soft as Dean lifts it putting it back in place. wrapping the gauze around it Cas whimpers in pain “sorry”
“Oh... they are tender I haven’t materialized them since before hell...” Tears welled up in his eyes “I couldn’t bare to look at how tarnished they are.”
Dean frowned securing the final piece of bandage uttering ”Don’t say that, in my eyes, they are still beautiful”
He dropped his hand from the wing. A few feathers fell from where his hand was placed.
Draping his body delicately over Cas’s back he pulled him into a hug. His cheeks burned but he didn’t stop himself. watching the blood and grace drain from his eyes back to normal. Along with the blood on his chest. He may not have been good with words but he had actions.
“Better?” Dean purred in his ear.
“Mh hm”
Pulling away, he missed the touch but he could see the heaviness on Cas’s face “Get some rest, I’ll watch over you”
“Using my words against me” Cas shifted leaning against the headboard.
—
Dean changed positions in the chair for the tenth time startling Cas awake “come sit here” Cas mumbled his wing fluttering.
Shifting his eyes back and forth, Dean weighed his options. The chair back digging into him. Dean climbed in sitting, his back hovering in front of Cas’s stretched out wing.
Cas tried to tuck in his wing to give him space but he couldn’t. “Um” his cheeks pinkened “you can lean back it won’t hurt me”
“Oh” Dean gaped leaning back. The feathers were warm encasing him in softness. Tinged with a blue color when he touched them, something he hadn't seen from far away. They shivered slightly under his touch “what happened anyways. Why did you have pop out of your vessel.”
Cas dropped his head back “I heal faster in my true form. I was weak enough that you wouldn’t get hurt seeing it. I’m sorry you had to see it, I know it’s not pleasant looking by human standards.”
“Are you kidding me Cas” Dean snorted, his fingers pausing their mindless stroking over Cas’s feather “your true form is badass. Plus I like you for more than just your vessel. Me and Sam would still be your family no matter what vessel or not vessel you are in.”
While talking Castiel’s wings flapped with delight, brushing against Dean and loosing feathers in the process. He couldn’t stop them he felt cared for, “Dean”
“You don’t have to say anything. But you can’t keep doing that anymore. Risking your life... I - we almost lost you tonight Cas” Dean stared at the ceiling, his hands balled into fists. It always seemed like he couldn't be gentle enough like the anger was too deep-rooted to work it's way out.
God may have brought Cas back every time but what if this time he couldn't.
Cas shook his head, he was calm. That’s all he could be too tired to get angry. “I know but I didn’t want you to get hurt either”
Silence fell over them, there was no way to win. Cas laid his head on Dean’s shoulder, his wing unconsciously pulling him closer.
Wrapping his arm behind Cas, Dean sighed in defeat. His jaw clicking as he let the anger go, his vice “Next time don’t put me to sleep. We fight together. Deal.”
“Deal”