Work Text:
Grian has been listening to Mumbo talk about Iskall for literally. Five. Years. (Well, actually around 45 minutes, but what’s the difference?) Normally he’d love the attention of being his confidant, but it’s gotten a little boring since he’s realized that Mumbo was never going to tell Iskall his feelings.
“Listen. Dude.” Grian cuts Mumbo off from his eighteenth spiel about Iskall’s shoulders. “You know you have to tell him eventually, right?”
Mumbo scoffed. “Look, I’ve tried! You remember the fireworks incident.” Grian did remember the fireworks incident. Singed his best shirt, how could he not!
“So, why don’t you try again without open flames around?” Grian suggested.
“I guess,” Mumbo said miserably. “But that would only reduce the chance of physical injury. I still would be a mess around him. I’d still not be able to get any words out.”
“I still think you should try again,” Grian said softly. If only so he could bother him about his relationship instead of his crush.
“I just don’t think it would work. It would be easier to-“ suddenly Mumbo breaks off. His eyebrows knitted and he rested his chin on his hand.
“Are you al-“ Grian broke off as Mumbo held up a silencing finger.
“I think I have an idea,” Mumbo said, a sentence that struck fear into Grian’s heart. Mumbo was a wizard at redstone, but his other schemes were… hit or miss. Mumbo’s red eyes glinted as a smirk crept up his face, and Grian began to suspect that this one would not be one of his better ones.
“What exactly is that idea?” Grian asked.
“I’m not telling.”
“What?” Grian squeaked. “That is NOT fair, you call tell me about how much you want to kiss Iskall for five hours but you can’t even give me a run-down of the plan?”
“Okay, first of all, that was 45 minutes TOPS,” Mumbo said, “And second, I don’t want you to tell me not to go through with it. This is the only way I’ll tell Iskall how I feel. But… I still need your help,” he added, seeing Grian’s pout.
“You’d better,” Grian mumbled. “So, what’s my job?”
“So, you know the party this Saturday?” Mumbo asked. “I need you to make absolutely certain Iskall and I are in the same place at midnight, at that party.”
“Why can’t you do that?” Grian asked.
Mumbo bit his lip. “You’ll see. I won’t be leaving the party, just… I might not be able to find him. Please, Grian. I’m only asking you because I know I can count on you.”
Grian, despite his frustration, couldn’t resist preening a little at that. “I’ll do my best. I won’t let you down!”
“Thank you,” Mumbo said, grinning and pulling Grian into a tight hug. “I’ll see you there!”
Time always seemed to pass slowly before an event for Grian, but the days crawled before the fateful party. So sue him- he was curious about what Mumbo was planning! But eventually, Saturday evening came.
The sun was barely starting to set when Grian arrived with the first few partygoers- including Mumbo. He fiddled nervously with his mustache and rubbed the short sides of his hair soothingly. “You remember the plan?” he asked Grian, not making eye contact.
“I remember the part you told me,” Grian said. “Dude, whatever this is, it’s not the end of the world. Either Iskall likes you back or he doesn’t, but if you never find out its gonna torture you.”
Mumbo swallowed and nodded. “Right. I’m going to get a drink.” He darted up the sloping hills of Joe’s winery, straight to the barrels the host had laid out. Grian looked at the orange-tinted sky. It was going to be a long night.
Grian kept his eyes on the moon as he flirted and joked around with his friends. Every hour passed slower than the last, and Grian was quickly losing his patience. Why couldn’t Mumbo have asked him to find Iskall at, like, ten? He barely paid attention to Bdubs as he said… something. Grian honestly did not care. “Sorry, gotta go,” he sighed, looking at the sky. It was close enough to midnight for him to justify looking for Iskall.
Bdubs huffed. “I can’t believe I stayed up for this,” he muttered.
Grian scouted the premises of the winery. Unfortunately, it was fucking huge, and hermits were scattered all over the rolling expanse. Grian stepped over prickly bushes. “Iskall?” he called. “Where are you, dude?”
“Please quiet down,” Doc growled. He was sitting in the dark between two rows of bushes, drinking wine from a plastic cup. “I’m way too drunk for this.”
“Have you seen Iskall, though?” Grian said softly.
“Yeah, he went down to the beach.” Doc waved him off. “Good luck finding him, dude.”
“Thanks. Enjoy drinking in the dirt.” Grian ran over to the path and down the hill towards the group of hermits dipping their toes in the sea. “Iskall?” he called again.
“Grian! What’s happening!” Iskall yelled, boisterously pulling Grian into a hug. He hugged back, his legs dangling in the air.
“Iskall!” Grian said, his voice slightly muffled by Iskall’s chest. “Mumbo’s looking for you, dude!”
“Why can’t he find me himself?” Iskall asked, setting Grian down. He staggered a little as he regained his balance.
“I dunno,” Grian said truthfully. “Can you just come with me, please?”
Mumbo had told Grian he’d be near the winery itself the whole time, so the way back was significantly less meandering (and thorny). Iskall swayed slightly as he walked, which for Iskall was like being passed out on the floor for a normally-sized person. Even without a whole arm, he could probably hold enough alcohol for three people. Grian hoped this was part of Mumbo’s master plan, or at least that it wouldn’t hinder it.
Finally, Grian and Iskall made it up the hill. Grian panted, wishing he’d worn something under his sweater so he could take it off. Well, he could take it off now, but then he’d be too cold instead of too hot. Would his torment never end? Anyway, he’d brought Iskall, now he needed to find Mumbo. The other man followed him like a drunk puppy. Grian peered around the back of the house, but his suited friend was nowhere in sight.
“Mumbo?” he called. “C’mon, I wanna see your plan!”
“Plan?” Iskall asked. “What are you talking about?”
“Shh, don’t you worry,” Grian soothed. “Mumbo! Get over here!”
“Eyyyyyyy, Grian!” Mumbo staggered around the corner of the house, waving with a limp wrist. Grian squinted. He looked even drunker than Iskall.
“Mumbo?” Grian said. “Have you been drinking the whole time?”
“Yep!” Mumbo said proudly. “Iskall! You’re here!”
Iskall cocked his head. “Yeah?”
“Listen, dude, I got something to tell ya,” Mumbo slurred. He shoved Grian out of the way, and he squeaked indignantly. “You’re… are cute as hell.”
“What?” Iskall said.
“You’re CUTE!” Mumbo yelled, so loud the hermits on the bottom of the hill were staring at them. “An’ you’re SMART an’ you’re NICE to EVERYONE even if they KIND OF DON’T DESERVE IT-“
“Thanks?” Iskall said, his eyes glazed over.
“An’ I…” Mumbo said dramatically, “Wanna be your boyfriend! WOO! I SAID IT!”
“Oh!” Iskall said. “Boyfriend! Yes! Boyfriend!”
“IT WORKED!” Mumbo slurred, pumping his fists in the air. And with that, he collapsed on the ground in a dead faint.
Of course, Grian was stuck dragging him home. He had help from the other hermits of course, but it was Grian who stuffed him down the water elevator and tucked him into bed. He sat on the floor of Mumbo’s In Between Bases Base with his head between his legs, groaning. So that was Mumbo’s plan, huh? Get drunk enough that he wouldn’t think about confessing? For a genius, that man sure didn’t seem to have a brain.
Grian placed down his own bed in the hall. I hope Mumbo will be happy with his decision, Grian thought pettily as he drifted off to sleep.
Grian woke up to the sun in his eyes and the sound of Mumbo groaning. He sat up, yawning.
“Good morning,” he said.
Mumbo groaned louder. “Please don’t,” he said. “My head is being crushed.”
“Yeah, because you got yourself blackout drunk,” Grian chided. He fetched Mumbo a drink of water and shoved it at his face. “Now try some water, for once.”
Mumbo was too tired to protest the insult. He drank gratefully, blinking as he came to himself. “Yeah, about that…” he said, “How’d it go?”
Grian blinked. “What do you mean, how’d it go?” he asked, a cold feeling forming in his stomach.
“Well, I got blackout drunk,” Mumbo explained. “I don’t remember anything after about eleven at night.” Grian grimaced, his eye twitching. “So, uh, what did I say?” he said sheepishly. “Does Iskall like me back?”
“I’m done!” Grian said, throwing his hands up in defeat. “I can’t believe I’m the smarter one here, for once! You-“ he jabbed a hand at Mumbo’s chest- “are going to recover from your little hangover, and then you’re going to find out what Iskall said. By asking him. Sober.”
Mumbo cringed. “Do I have to?” he asked petulantly.
“Yes. I dragged you home, you can confess to him for me.”
Mumbo hung his head. “Okay. Now can you turn off the sun? I want to go back to sleep.”
Grian gave Mumbo two days to recover. With that bad of a hangover, he wouldn’t be surprised if it lasted that long. But on the third day, Grian landed at his base.
Mumbo was doing some ruining, humming as he placed leaves all over the walls of his base. Grian watched him for a few minutes, devising the best way to shock him out of his peace. Eventually, he decided to fly directly into him with the power of eight rockets.
“Agh! Dude! Not cool!” Mumbo said, staggering off his perch and floating down on his elytra.
“Have you asked Iskall for real now?” Grian said, standing over Mumbo and crossing his arms.
“No?” Mumbo squeaked. “Is it that big a deal?”
“I have not listened to you talk about how perfect Iskall is for LITERAL YEARS for you to say it is ANYTHING less than a “big deal”,” Grian said.
Mumbo hummed nervously. “C’mon, dude, I promise it’ll be okay,” Grian said, flying down beside him. He held out his hand. “Get up, come on.” Mumbo got to his feet, ducking his head. “You’re gonna be fine.”
“I don’t know,” Mumbo said. “I’ve tried to tell him, really. I can barely even write him a letter, much less say it to his face! Are you sure I can do it?”
“Time for drastic measures, then,” Grian sighed. “Mumbo, I hermit challenge you to tell Iskall you love him.”
Immediately, Mumbo’s eyes filled with a hard, intense look. “Challenge accepted,” he said. “Oh, but just you wait until I come up with a challenge for you!”
“I will. Eagerly.” Grian grinned widely. “Now come on, let’s tell him right now!”
To Grian’s surprise, Mumbo set off immediately. That man sure liked his hermit challenges. If only he’d remember Grian was part of the gang too, and Iskall wasn’t the only other challenger. Mumbo confidently landed on one of Iskall’s Omega Tree branches, but as Grian landed behind him he saw him falter, hunching down on himself again.
“Hey, dude,” he said softly. “Deep breaths.”
“I’m not giving up,” Mumbo assured him. He looked down into the hollow trunk of the tree. “Iskall? You down there?”
“Yeah!” came a faint call from below. Mumbo swallowed and jumped down into the hole. Grian chugged an invisibility potion and followed nervously. Of course, he knew what Iskall’s response would be. But Mumbo didn’t, and if he chickened out he might never find out. That was why Grian’s heart was pounding as Mumbo approached Iskall.
“Hey, Iskall!” Mumbo said, his voice casual except for being two octaves too high. “How’s it going?”
Iskall looked at the floor. “Good, it’s good. Um, I’ve been placing a lot of leaves. That’s been the theme of the week.”
Mumbo swallowed. “Right. So, um, the party! Good party, right?” Grian restrained himself from face palming and revealing his position.
“Yeah, it was cool. I got way too drunk, though,” Iskall laughed. “I can barely remember that night.”
“Right, about that-“ Iskall paled- “Oh, don’t worry, you didn’t do anything bad,” Mumbo said quickly. “Um, it’s kinda something I did that I wanted to talk about.”
He stayed quiet for a long time before taking a shaky breath. “So, I planned to- this is embarrassing- get drunk. So I wouldn’t doubt myself when I told you I have a crush on you.” Mumbo held his head in his hands, turning almost as red as his tie. “And now I said it, oh man-“
Iskall blushed too, grinning. “Aw man, am I that scary?” he giggled.
“A little?” Mumbo squeaked. “I mean, You are very strong. If you wanted to you could totally beat me up. I mean, you could probably pick me up with one hand, and- oh no.” Mumbo blushed even harder. “Should I leave?”
“No! No, don’t!” Iskall said. “I, uh, feel the same way about you! Well, not about the whole picking me up with one hand bit, but about the not being able to tell you how I feel because you’re so cute.”
Mumbo choked. “I mean- um-“ he stammered. Grian crept up to his side.
“Kiss him, you idiot!” Grian whispered in his ear, quiet enough that Mumbo might have mistook it for his own thoughts. He yelped, jumping away from Grian and practically crashing into Iskall.
“Um- may I kiss you?” Mumbo stuttered. Iskall responded by grabbing him by the shoulders and kissing him. Grian barely stopped himself from whooping as the two men broke the kiss, Iskall blushing and Mumbo tripping over his own feet. Grian snuck over to the door to Iskall’s tree as they arranged a date. His work here was done.