Chapter Text
[3:44 PM]
> UNKNOWN NUMBER and 5 others have been added to New Chat.
> +81 (45-902-1XX): dont we already have a chat
> +81 (45-655-XXX): Mori-san told me to make a group chat w/ the other two as well
> +81 (45-902-1XX): oh, hi nii-san
> +81 (45-902-2XX): hi.
> +81 (45-902-1XX): and blondie’s here too?
> +81 (45-234-XXX): Onee-san
> +81 (45-902-1XX): not calling u that
> +81 (45-111-XXX): I’m assuming this is about the warehouse explosives retrieval?
> +81 (45-655-XXX): Probably? To be honest i started zoning out after he told me to create a group chat
> +81 (45-902-1XX): typical
> +81 (45-902-2XX): in his defense i zone out whenever mori-san starts talking too.
> +81 (45-234-XXX): Guys stop, Mori-san’s in this chat too!
> +81 (45-655-XXX): What, no he isn’t
> +81 (45-902-2XX): i have his contact, no he isn’t.
> +81 (45-234-XXX): .
> +81 (45-234-XXX): Then who’s the other number…?
> +81 (45-902-1XX): okay everyone roll call right now
> +81 (45-902-1XX): this is gin
> +81 (45-234-XXX): Higuchi
> +81 (45-902-2XX): akutagawa.
> +81 (45-655-XXX): I’m Tachihara
> +81 (45-111-XXX): Hirotsu, sorry for the silence I couldn’t find the messages… - Hirotsu
Um, hi, I think you had the wrong number? <
> +81 (45-902-2XX): TACHIHARA WHO IS THAT.
> +81 (45-655-XXX): FUCK I DON’T KNOW DUDE DON’T ASK ME
> +81 (45-902-1XX): did we just leak a classified mission to a stranger lmao
> +81 (45-655-XXX): THIS ISTN FUNNY GIN I S2G MORI’S GONNA KILL ME
Wait hold on, sorry, is this the Port Mafia??? <
> +81 (45-902-1XX): oh my god tachihara’s dead
> +81 (45-655-XXX): I KNOW UR LAUGHING GIN I CAN HEAR IT FROM DOWN THE HALL THIS ISN’T FUNNY OMFGG
Uh, sorry I can leave if you guys want! Whatever works for you <
> +81 (45-234-XXX): Who even are you?
> +81 (45-902-2XX): does it matter? we have to kill them now. thanks to tachihara’s incompetence.
> +81 (45-902-2XX): this is why the important tasks are left with me.
> +81 (45-902-1XX): whatever u say nii-san
> +81 (45-234-XXX): Whatever you say senpai
I feel like it’d be even worse if I told you who I am <
I think I’m getting hives from how awkward this is rn so I’m just gonna go <
> +81 (45-902-1XX): wait wait wait u made this so much more interesting now
> +81 (45-111-XXX): This feels like an information breach. - Hirotsu
> +81 (45-902-2XX): it definitely is. thanks tachihara.
> +81 (45-902-1XX): thanks tachi
> +81 (45-655-XXX): I literally can’t deal with this rn im leaving my phone in the ability folders safe for the day
Ability folders? <
You guys have folders about people’s abilities? <
I kinda thought that was a Special Ability Department thing to keep track of… <
> +81 (45-111-XXX): Tachihara-kun… - Hirotsu
> +81 (45-902-1XX): he’s screaming lolol
> +81 (45-902-1XX): anyways who are u
> +81 (45-902-1XX): we definitely don’t have to k*ll u now
:( <
This is gonna be so awkward if I say :(( <
> +81 (45-902-2XX): why did you censor kill.
> +81 (45-234-XXX): Could we play a guessing game?? It could be fun :D
> +81 (45-902-2XX): what, no.
Uh… <
> +81 (45-902-2XX): higuchi what.
> +81 (45-234-XXX): Well how else are we supposed to figure it out?
> +81 (45-902-1XX): t*rture?
> +81 (45-902-2XX): why do you keep
> +81 (45-902-2XX): actually nevermind
> +81 (45-902-2XX): i guess it isn’t a bad idea.
> +81 (45-111-XXX): I can start. What is your occupation? - Hirotsu
> +81 (45-655-XXX): You know you don’t have to keep signing off with your name old man
> +81 (45-655-XXX) changed their name to TACHIHARA!!!.
> +81 (45-655-XXX) changed +81 (45-902-1XX) to Gin.
> +81 (45-655-XXX) changed +81 (45-902-2XX) to Ryuunosuke.
> +81 (45-655-XXX) changed +81 (45-234-XXX) to Higuchi.
> +81 (45-655-XXX) changed +81 (45-111-XXX) to Old Man.
> +81 (45-655-XXX) changed UNKNOWN NUMBER to Don’t tell Mori-san please.
> Gin: tachi give me administrative powers
> TACHIHARA!!!: What? No
> Gin: 1
> Gin: 2
> TACHIHARA!!!: OKAY fine
> TACHIHARA!!! gave Gin administrative access.
> Gin changed their name to gin.
> gin: that’s better
> TACHIHARA!!!: U couldve just asked me >:(
> gin: i like seeing u squirm
> Higuchi: Pushover lol XD
> Ryuunosuke: tachihara when did i say you could use my first name.
> TACHIHARA!!!: I mean your sister’s in the chat and both of you have the same surname
> TACHIHARA!!!: Idk I just think it’s unfair that u get to take it & not her
He has a point tho <
> gin: period
> Ryuunosuke: who fucking asked you.
> Ryuunosuke: not you gin i was talking to the stranger.
> Ryuunosuke: whatever i’m tired of talking to you people.
> gin: aw he’s reached his social limit for the day
> Higuchi: So cute c:
Is he gone? <
> gin: yea he didn’t comment abt higuchi calling him cute so he probably went to beat someone up or smth
Okay <
Do you all still wanna know who I am? <
> TACHIHARA!!!: I mean it’d be nice I guess
> Old Man: You did not answer my question from earlier - Hirotsu
> TACHIHARA!!!: Again you don’t need to sign off old man it’s a text message
I work at the Armed Detective Agency <
> gin: ...
> Higuchi: ..
> TACHIHARA!!!: .
> TACHIHARA!!!: Okay this has been fun guys but I think we need to delete all evidence of this group chat ever existing now
> gin: this is so embarrassing for u lmao
> Old Man: If I may chime in, we are in a truce at the moment with the Armed Detective Agency so I don’t believe Mori-san will take much issue with this. - Hirotsu
> Higuchi: I like talking with you guys!
> gin: i agree this is the most entertainment ive had all week
> TACHIHARA!!!: gin we went on a mission together like two days ago
> gin: yea hiding out in a damp cellar with u for 2 hours straight is definitely my idea of fun
… So you guys won’t kill me :)? <
> Higuchi: Who are you though?
> TACHIHARA!!!: Wait are you the blonde kid that threw me out the window
No that’s Kenji-kun i don’t think he knows how to use a phone <
Something about artificial light hurting his appetite idk <
> gin: the ginger? w the snow ability
That’s Junichiro! He's my friend, how do u guys know him? <
> gin: we kidnapped him
> TACHIHARA!!!: He escaped though
> Old Man: A truly formidable ability. - Hirotsu
Oh… Sorry? <
> Higuchi: Wait I think I know
> Higuchi: Weretiger?
> gin: ohhhh that makes sense
> gin: i was wondering why he kept apologizing
> Higuchi: Nooo I’m conflicted now
> Higuchi: What does Akutagawa-senpai think about this?
No offense but I don’t really want to know what he thinks about this <
> gin: im pretty sure his phone’s on mute
> gin: also higuchi u don’t need nii-san’s approval for everything u know
> gin: he’s kind of a loser
She’s right <
> TACHIHARA!!!: WAIT THE WERETIGER???
> TACHIHARA!!!: I was in the bathroom shit
Hi <
> Old Man: I assume we don’t need to exterminate him after all? -Hirotsu
> gin: idk i guess it’s up to mori
I can just leave if u guys don’t want me here.... <
> gin: relax atsushi lol this is fun
> gin: also killing him is kind of nii-san’s job
> TACHIHARA!!!: Atsushi
Yea? <
> TACHIHARA!!!: Don’t tell anyone about the warehouse thing
> TACHIHARA!!!: Please
Idk… I feel like I have to if it’s illegal <
> TACHIHARA!!!: It’s not?
> gin: kind of
You guys are really convincing <
Anyways I gotta go now, Kyouka-chan asked me to make dinner this time <
This has been fun! I don’t get to use my data plan that often so I hope Dazai-san’s phone bill isn’t too bad. Thank you for having me! :) <3 <
> Don’t tell Mori-san please has left the chat.
> Higuchi: I wonder how senpai feels about this lol
> gin: we can let him know 2nite
> gin: he’s a lot more polite than nii-san made him out to be
> TACHIHARA!!!: Can we talk about the mission now
> Old Man: Just send the coordinates here and we can group up once Akutagawa-kun is back from his mission. - Hirotsu
[8:45 PM]
> Higuchi: Good work everyone!
> gin: yea
> Ryuunosuke: WAIT
> Ryuunosuke: IT WAS THE WERETIGER??????????
> TACHIHARA!!!: Did no one tell him lmfaooo
> gin: LOLL i forgot
> Ryuunosuke has left the chat.