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Chuuya woke up slowly, blinking with a groan as he blearily registered his surroundings. His entire body ached but that was nothing surprising, Corruption always took a toll on him. He had a thick coppery taste in his mouth that almost made him gag, he had to open his mouth slightly to make it less overwhelming so he didn't actually throw up. Such were the consequences of coughing up a decent amount of blood and passing out without at least spitting out all that you could.
He expected all of that, and since the fog seemed to have cleared he also expected to be laying alone, on the ground.
But he wasn't.
He was still laying in Dazais lap, with the goddamn detective playing with his hair. Why was touching him, why was he even here? God knows he didn't care, he'd left him in the clearing after they'd fought Lovecraft. Although he did fold his coat, and cleaned the blood off of him, and chuuya would be lying to say that he hadn't thought about that fact a lot.
He wanted to make some biting remark, some insult or accusation at the man still gently running his fingers through his hair as he laid in his lap. But instead he just panted lightly letting his eyes close for a moment as he breathed through his mouth, relying on the crisp air to lessen the suffocating taste of the blood he hadn't managed to get out of his mouth. He felt sick enough already just from the pain much less the all too strong taste of blood.
"are you okay?"
Dazais voice was soft and quiet, with genuine concern showing through it. When Chuuya had punched him earlier it had hardly hurt, probably wouldn't even leave too much of a bruise. On a normal day Chuuya could easily break someone's jaw without using his ability in any way, Corruption had nearly run him completely down for him to be that weak. Dazai really was worried about him because of that, Corruption took a huge toll on Chuuya normally but Dazai usually stopped him before it made him as weak as it had today.
Leaving him here would be far riskier than leaving him in the forest had been, he knew nothing would harm him there and he also knew he'd be okay enough to get up and walk back once he woke up even if no one showed up to get him, which Dazai knew they would anyway. But now? He wasn't sure Chuuya would even have the strength to sit up. He couldn't just leave him like that. He cared a lot more than he wanted too but even if he didn't he wasn't cruel he would have made sure anyone he was working with was okay after that.
"Do,,, I seem,, okay to,, you?" Chuuya spoke in between heavy pants, his ribs ached with every breath he took and the energy required to speak had him panting. He wasn't sure raising his head would even be a good idea because the pain from that would probably send a wave of nausea through him. So instead of trying to turn to glare up at his infuriating ex partner he just continued to lay limply in his lap, which took a bit of the bite out of his words.
Dazai sighed, he expected, and deserved the spite Chuuya had for him but it still hurt just a bit. He understood why Chuuya was mad and he couldn't blame him for that. The detective had a feeling they might be discussing such things in a moment, but first things first.
"Can you sit up?"
"...no"
"do you want to?"
"I might throw up"
"and?"
a sigh left Chuuyas lips, bracing himself.
"yeah go ahead"
Dazai nodded and tried to carefully maneuver Chuuya into a sitting position. True to what Chuuya had said tho he did end up holding the smaller male as he threw up beside them. Dazai didn't really react much, he was however glad that nothing got on him or Chuuya. The executive was mainly just throwing up a few mouthfuls of blood which would have been a hell of a lot more concerning if Dazai hadn't seen this happen before. He knew Chuuya would be alright, albeit in a lot of pain for a few days.
Dazai just tried soothing him as best he could, gently rubbing his back telling him it would stop soon.
After what felt like forever to Chuuya he was able to stop retching and just pant heavily before laying back against the taller males chest, laying his head back to rest on his shoulder. He was still wondering why Dazai was still with him, but he was also just glad he was. He wasn't sure if he dared question it just yet so he just sat there, basically just laying against Dazai because he couldn't hold his own weight.
"I'm pretty sure you almost died there, we both did actually, I'm sure Ango was sure I was dead and told you as much" Dazai stated, it was true he would have died if it weren't for Chuuya, and for some reason Chuuya believed in him enough to risk his own life despite being told he was probably already dead and using corruption was suicide. Dazai knew he would, counted on it actually. Even after all those years they both placed their lives in each other's hands without hesitation.
"You dont die asshole, I won't believe you're dead until I see it. You have such an infuriating craftiness and ability to live even despite yourself." Chuuya spat in reply, although he didn't have enough strength to put as much venom in his tone as he'd have preferred. Dazai knew Chuuya trusted him, for better or worse they could rely on each other in at least some ways no matter what happened. They'd been partners for years and slipped right back into that routine of working together so easily.
He paused for a moment or two, debating if he should say the words he muttered next.
"why are you even here, dont you have other things to do, people to meet back up with or something?" He asked in a much less accusing tone, he wanted to sound bitter but he was too drained for that. He didn't know why Dazai was pretending to care tho and it was irritating him. Part of him wanted to just believe in the act and rest here for as long as Dazai allowed but he had to ask.
Dazai sighed, Chuuya had a point he really should get back to the others soon but not until he was sure Chuuya would be alright. He did care about him, he wasn't just pretending to. No, he was pretending when he acted like he didn't care, like he saw chuuya only as an enemy, someone he may have to fight in order to protect his people. But in reality? Chuuya was one of his people, maybe in a bit more of a complicated way but the point stood.
"Because I couldn't just leave you like this, what do you take me for chibi?" He asked in an almost joking tone but it had a sort of sadness to it that most would have missed, but not Chuuya, he was one of few people who knew Dazai too well.
"What do you mean what do I take you for? You left me in the forest last time" Chuuya pointed out. He hadn't really expected otherwise at the time, in fact he was surprised to find his coat folded and the blood cleaned from him. But the point still remained that he had been left in the clearing.
The redhead did notice the sadness underneath Dazais joking tone and that confused him, surely Dazai wasn't truly hurt over the fact chuuya didn't expect him to care, surely this was just another manipulative trick.... right? He refused to believe the other cared, after all he had abandoned him without a word, leaving the mafia without any warning.
"You could sit up on your own when you woke up then couldn't you? I knew you'd be safe in the forest but you were in a lot worse shape this time and I couldn't just leave you alone." Dazai replies in a more serious tone, one that disguised the sadness even less.
"Dont,, dont act like you fucking care bastard I'm too damn tired for this" Chuuya mumbled back, he was still using Dazais shoulder as a pillow but he turned his head to the side and closed his eyes as though he was going to sleep. He wasn't really of course, but he felt drained enough to even though he'd just woken up minutes earlier.
"I'm not acting" Dazai replied in such an honest and almost raw tone it nearly startled him.
Leaving the mafia wasn't something he could ever say he regretted. The truth was he was doing a lot better in the agency, so many people cared about him here it was almost unreal even now. He didn't even think about dying quite as much now.
But leaving Chuuya? That may be the one thing he regretted more than anything else. Apart from Ango, and Oda, Chuuya was the only other person he could trust. His partner had truly never done anything to deserve being abandoned, he was loyal to a fault and Dazai knew that.
That feisty little redhead had seen him at his worst. Chuuya had cleaned him up after he brought himself to the brink of death just to feel what it was like to want to live, he'd seen so much of the weakness Dazai strived to hide, the pain etched into his very bones, and he'd never once used it against him.
And Dazai left.
Chuuya always deserved so much better than what life had given him. Dazai was no exception to the rest of the string of vile things life had subjected him to. Chuuya was kind and loyal, a stark contrast to the cruel and manipulative person that Dazai had come to be. Even now, the detective knew there was so much darkness still lurking inside him.
Bright blue eyes blinked back open at those words. Chuuya didn't want to believe that Dazai cared for him, yet, he sounded so honest and he'd never been good at straight up lying to Chuuya to begin with. But if Dazai cared about him then why would he just leave like that it didn't make sense.
Chuuya wanted more than anything to hate Dazai for leaving, to resent him for betraying the mafia and joining an enemy side. But he couldn't. He couldn't blame Dazai for leaving the terrible world of bloodshed and violence that was the mafia. He couldn't fault Dazai for finding a new life in the agency. He couldn't truly hate his old partner for gaining a new light in his eyes that he'd never had before.
When Dazai left it had shattered him, and every second he was near Dazai now hurt in a much different way then the agony from using corruption. But he couldn't bring himself to hate Dazai for being happier where he was now. He just wished he hadn't been left behind in the process.
Dazai was deeply flawed there was no question about that. He had been broken so badly and hurt so deeply it twisted him into a cruel shadow of a person sometimes. Just as Mori had planned.
But Chuuya never cared. To Chuuya, Dazai was a friend as well as his partner, a comfort from the harsh life they lived. No Longer Human gave him a refuge from the nightmares the god inside him tortured him with at night. Dazai was so important to Chuuya despite any flaws he had. No matter how many times he had to patch up his partner or comfort him that never changed.
Narrowing his eyes he looked up at the brunette he was laying against. He didn't even have any spite in his gaze, just guarded curiosity. He figured that if Dazai was being honest it was only fair he was too.
"Explain" he said simply.
Dazai looked to meet his gaze, his own eyes soft and almost vulnerable looking without the usual playful cleverness or stern tone to them. His smiled faintly at Chuuya, gazing at him almost hopefully before taking a breath to speak.
"I left, and you resent me for that which is completely understandable. You never did anything to deserve that and I failed you there. But that doesn't mean I don't care about you." He said. Leaving Chuuya was never something he had planned but after Oda died, and said what he did, Dazai had to leave, he couldn't stay.
When he left he was hardly thinking straight, he was distraught over his friends death and scared of what his dying words had been. Oda telling him he would wander the darkness for all eternity ran through his head over and over countless times and he couldn't stand it. There was no way he was wrong because he said he knew because he was his friend. Oda couldnt have lied, he wouldn't have lied to him. It was all too much and Dazai had to get away.
However he truly had and honestly still did care deeply for Chuuya. They argued and threatened each other and swore they hated each other sure, but it was different when they were alone. The way they carefully patched each other up after missions contradicted those harsh words they said in front of other people. The world may have been against them but at least they had each other and if everything else was cruel they could at least show each other kindness when no one else was around.
They were each other's sanctuary of sorts.
Chuuya blinked, silent for a few moments before he spoke. "I don't,, hate you for leaving the mafia" he admitted in hardly more than a whisper.
And it was true, he didn't. He hated Dazai for leaving him, and for making him feel so important when apparently Ango and Oda were the only people keeping him there, but not for leaving the mafia. He wanted what was best for Dazai, and the ada seemed to be just that. If it meant Chuuya had to be tossed aside again then so be it.
"What?" Dazai asked in confusion, slightly taken aback by the statement. The hatred would have been well deserved, he was a traiter after all. But then again Chuuya always was kinder to him than he deserved.
"You idiot, I can see you're different now. You carry yourself differently, like you're not as weighed down, and you smile more too, really smile, and most of all theres a new light in your eyes. I'm happy for you" Chuuya explained, seeming almost amused by the detectives confusion.
"I guess I am doing better here, which is more than I deserve. But if you don't hate me for leaving the mafia, why are you so angry?" Dazai asked, starting to piece things together but still missing parts of the puzzle.
"Because- I just- I thought I was important okay? I cared about you and, if Ango and Oda were all that was keeping you in the mafia you could have at least warned me." He muttered. He hated how crushed he was when Dazai left, hated that he had thought he meant more than he did. It hurt and he'd been tossed aside before by the sheep so he really should have seen it coming.
"Chuuya I-" Dazai hadn't even thought of that. He was so stupid he didn't even consider that it would look like that to Chuuya. Chuuya had no way of knowing what Oda had said to him and why he really left. Of course he assumed Dazai just tossed him aside for no reason.
"Chuuya it wasn't like that I swear- when Oda died he said something to me. He told me that I'd never fill the emptiness inside me in the mafia like I'd hoped. Being in a world of death wouldnt help me find my will to live. He said, he told me that I'd wander the darkness for eternity no matter what, and when I asked him what to do he told me to become a good man because it was at least more beautiful that way.
Chuuya I was scared and I just- I wasn't thinking straight and-" Dazai cut off, not knowing how to explain any further. His voice was choked and,,, was he crying? He blinked and a tear fell down his face, he was always bad at holding up an act around Chuuya. Odasakus death still affected him a lot so in hindsight it wasn't surprising it made him cry, since he instinctively felt safe around Chuuya anyway.
Chuuya looked up at him in surprise, was Dazai really crying? His explanation made sense as well, he was faintly angry at Oda for telling Dazai such a thing. Dazai deserved hope and support not his friend telling him he'd be miserable forever with their dying breath. He understood why Dazai had run away after that, it didn't fix how hurt Chuuya had been but he did feel better knowing he hadn't been tossed aside for no reason.
Ignoring the pain that coursed through his veins Chuuya reached up to gently brush the tear from Dazais face. "Calm down you shitty mackerel... and thanks for explaining" he spoke in a soft and gentle tone, so different from how he usually talked but he couldn't help it. He couldn't be mean to Dazai, not when he was like this.
"God I missed you Chibi" Dazai whispered back, smiling in a sad sort of way. He knew they could probably only talk for a bit longer before he had to go find Atsushi and the others. He didn't really want to leave Chuuya though, maybe, just maybe they'd keep a bit more in touch now. He was probably foolish to hope as much but he couldn't help it.
"I, yeah, I missed you too" Chuuya spoke , sighing as he lowered his arm again, looking down at his hands in his lap. Why'd things have to be so complicated? No matter what they'd have to part ways again today. Chuuya couldn't just leave the mafia and Dazai couldn't, and shouldn't leave the ada. He was just going to get heartbroken all over again if he let himself hope otherwise.
"Hey Chuuya, do you want to stay in touch now? If not I get it, just... offering" Dazai says hesitantly. He didn't quite know what Chuuya would say to that but whatever reaction he had it was nothing Dazai wouldn't deserve. He could handle rejection if he had to.
"Are you absolutely fucking insane Dazai? Of course I want to, dont you dare start with any of your self deprecating bullshit." Chuuya responds almost immediately, a little bit offended that Dazai would even think he wouldn't want to stay in contact. He never wanted to loose him again.
Dazai smiled brightly and laughed quietly "I see you're gaining back a bit of energy now" he commented, happy that Chuuya was acting a bit more normal now despite how drained he was from Corruption.
"Oh shut up will you? Dont you have people to get back to now?" Chuuya asked, although he wanted to spend more time with him he figured Dazais coworkers would be worried about him. Having been Dazais partner for so long he could sympathize with that.
"Yeah, will you be ok here? I'll send Akutagawa this way to help you" Dazai replied, he knew Akutagawa would listen to him and Chuuya would be brought back safely.
"Yeah I'll be just fine, thanks" Chuuya replied, oddly happy that Dazai was being so caring, he'd missed him so much.
Dazai nodded and moved Chuuya so he was sitting against a rock and before he stood up to leave, quickly kissed the redhead on the cheek.
"See you soon, like, tomorrow maybe"