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When Peter was younger, someone once told him to make way for tomorrow. Over the years he's interpreted the phrase in different ways based on where he was at in life. There was a time he would say 'take apart yesterday to make way for tomorrow', because at that time life was almost simpler. You focus on the present and you move forward, you forget about yesterday or you take it apart, analyzing it, because it's in the past. The past can't be changed but you can control the future. You take what you learned from the day before and you put it towards tomorrow. Though now, since Uncle Ben died, he says "make way for tomorrow, because sometimes I don't want today to exist". Sometimes, Peter doesn't like living in the present. There's too much going on, too many thoughts, and it's loud, so he blocks it out, becomes distant with all things going on today, so maybe it will be better tomorrow. It's that thought that if he doesn't allow himself to exist today then maybe tomorrow existing will hurt a bit less. At least that's the theory in his head. However, it doesn't always work like that because that's just life. And unfortunately life doesn't like to play fair.
~
Peter trudged up the stairs leading to the front of his school. He knew today was going to be a bad day. Ned has texted him earlier in the morning letting him know that he was sick and wouldn't be at school and there was- there was just this feeling. This feeling that he couldn't explain but it ran deep in his gut and it made him feel sick. His head was pounding and the conversations and heartbeats and breathing, every small noise that he could hear was echoing in his head. And it was bright as if someone were shining the brightest possible light they could find directly into his eyes. It was one of the days he didn't want to exist so he tried his best not to.
It was still loud and bright and god even the smells were bothering him, but his brain was turned off just enough that he was avoiding a panic attack and probably wouldn't remember much about today. He was functioning just enough for his mind to be racing, to be able to go through the motions, but not enough to process much input let alone have much awareness of his output. Because of this, there was no warning from his spider sense as a foot shot out in front of him, and it wasn't until he was face first on the ground that he processed that he wasn't walking anymore.
"Watch where you're goin' nerd." Flash spat at him.
"Sorry." Peter mumbled as he stood back up.
"Yeah you better be." Flash shouted after him though Peter paid no mind as he continued walking.
***
It was later in the day at lunch when Peter became slightly aware again. Only enough to let MJ's voice filter through his blockade.
"Hey loser." MJ greeted as she sat down at the lunch table. "You okay?"
Peter looked up, slowly blinking a few times then his brain caught up. "Oh yeah I'm fine, just really tired."
"You coming to decathlon practice later?"
"No sorry. Stark internship, it's lab day." Peter lied. It wasn't lab day, he wasn't going to see Mr. Stark today, and he didn't even really want to go on patrol until later or at all even, but he knew he would. "Can you let me know if I miss anything important? I read the art guide though, that's what we're going over right?"
"Yeah I'll-" MJ was cut off by Flash storming over talking.
"You lying about that stupid internship again Parker?" Flash asked.
"No." Peter said and laid his head down on the table. He just wanted to sleep and maybe not wake up.
"I bet Tony Stark doesn't even know who you are. Even if he did he wouldn't care about puny orphan Peter Parker. Stop trying to get attention, no one cares, you're nothing." Flash sneered.
Peter turned his head away from Flash not wanting to listen. He was right anyway. Mr. Stark probably didn't care about him, he was only good for Spiderman, but I'm not even good at that, there was no other use for him, no reason for Mr. Stark to care. And he was nothing, no one cared, no one saw, no one looked, he was a no good nothing, not good for anything, a waste of space.
"You're a waste of space nerd nobody wants you here." Flash said, his voice lowering.
"Oh screw off Flash leave him alone." MJ said.
"What, you want me to shut up?"
"Yes, now go away." The girl retorted.
"Then make me." Flash mocked.
"Yeah I will," MJ stood holding up her fist. "With a punch to the mouth if you don't back off."
"Fine whatever." Flash walked away leaving just Peter and MJ.
"Thanks." Peter mumbled.
"Why don't you ever stand up for yourself? He's such an ass."
"Sorry." The boy whispered. "It's okay though I don't really care if he's messing with me because then he's not bugging anyone else."
"You're too nice Peter." She only got a shrug in response.
***
Peter was tired. He was so tired and exhausted but he still couldn't fall asleep. His mind was still wide awake and screaming at him. All he wanted right now was silence, peace. But maybe that was too much to ask. Giving up on sleep the kid rolled out of bed and threw on his suit.
"Peter it's 11pm shouldn't you be in bed?" KAREN asked.
"Can't sleep."
"Your heart rate and respiration rate are elevated out of the normal range. Shall I contact Mr. Stark?"
"No, don't contact Mr. Stark, he doesn't have to worry about me anymore. I'm just going to clear my head."
With that Peter crawled out his window and started swinging. He had KAREN scan the area for anything but the search came up empty. That should be a good thing except if there was nothing to do then that meant leaving him alone with his thoughts. He continued swinging aimlessly having KAREN run constant searches for any crime.
"Do you ever wonder how many stars there are in the sky?" Peter asked from the top of one of his swings.
"There are approximately-" KAREN started but Peter cut her off.
"Sorry KAREN I wasn't really looking for an answer I was just thinking." Peter said. "Are you sure there's nothing?"
"My searches have come up empty, though I will alert you of anything that comes up."
"Thanks KAREN."
***
Peter sat on top of the Queensboro bridge, his legs dangling over the edge. He pulled his mask off a while ago, it was sticking to his face from the tears and KAREN was starting to get on his nerves telling him to go home or contact Mr. Stark. And he knew it was past his curfew, like way past, like he left his apartment past his curfew and it was late, and he didn't know how long he'd been out but he didn't care, he didn't want to go home, he wouldn't go home. The phone in his shaking hands was rotating as he flipped it over and over trying to decide whether or not to press the call button. Finally he gathered enough courage to press call. He's just gonna wake him up. Of course he won't be up. Why even bother. It rang six times before going to voicemail. I guess a voicemail would be better than nothing. He probably doesn't even care.
"H-hey Mister S-stark," Peter's voice broke as he spoke into the phone trying to hold back a sob. "I hope you're doing well-" A small choked sob escapes his lips as he clasps a hand over his mouth to keep more from coming out. When he's pretty sure he can hold this rest back he speaks again.
"I'm going to see the stars tonight. I'm gonna see more than you ever knew existed." Another small cry comes out along with a slightly hysterical laugh. "I'll leave a sea of them for you okay? I'll be happy now and you can just forget about me. I just wanted you to know that you were the best mentor anyone could ever ask for and I love you like a dad. I know you probably don't see me as anything other than some annoying kid or your intern, but-but I just thought you should know." Peter let out a sigh bringing the phone away from his ear before quickly pulling it up back to his ear. "I love you Mr. Stark."
Peter ended the call setting his phone next to him on the top of the bridge. Looking up to the sky he doesn't seem to care about the tears flowing freely down his face. It was going to be peaceful now, he was going to be free. Free from the bullying, free from being a burden, free from his thoughts, free from himself, free from life.
Maybe he shouldn't feel so at peace with this and maybe it's selfish. But that peace, that thought of peace, that promise that there would be peace. And he didn't know where that promise was coming from but he didn't care, he just wanted peace.
As Peter stood up he didn't feel scared, he didn't feel cold, or worried or sad even. Should he feel sad or scared? His mind was pretty much empty besides a few thoughts yet for some reason they were calming.
"You're going to see the stars." He whispered feeling his hair blow in the breeze. "You're going to be with the stars and you're going to feel peace."
Maybe he was scared. Trying to convince himself that this was right. Then he heard something but he didn't know what he heard, yet... it was... familiar. Maybe it was the river below or the breeze flowing through the air, but he paused and looked out over the river and he could see now. It wasn't a fog anymore and his head felt clear and god it was like he could feel. He could feel. He could feel . For a moment and only a moment he tuned back into the world and let one thought pass: Make way for tomorrow because sometimes you don't want today to exist.
What it was about those words that allowed more thoughts to pass he didn't know or understand, but they did.
"Today doesn't exist." Peter whispered to himself and looked down below him. "It doesn't have to exist." A hand landed on his shoulder and the teen snapped his head to the side to see Mr. Stark. "It doesn't have to exist, I just have to make way for tomorrow."
Peter slowly sank back down so he was sitting and saw Mr. Stark sit next to him. It was obvious Mr. Stark didn't want to be here. Why would he be here? Why would he want to be here?
"I just want today to stop existing." Peter whimpered.
"I know buddy." Mr. Stark said softly. "How about we get some hot chocolate and not worry about today. Does that sound good?"
"I don't like today."
"Me either. Do you wanna take a flight to the tower?" Tony asked.
"Yeah."
"Alright come 'ere spider baby." Mr. Stark said, holding his arms out and Peter gladly clung to him resting his head on the man's shoulder.
He felt the cool material of the mask slide over his head and next thing he knew they were in the air.
"Mr. Stark?" Peter asked tentatively and when he heard a hum in response he continued. "Why don't you want today to exist?"
There was silence for a few moments before Mr. Stark spoke. "Because you don't want today to exist, I don't want it to exist for you, so we'll let today not exist together and try again tomorrow."
A few minutes later they landed on the launch pad at the tower and Mr. Stark brought Peter up to the penthouse, not putting him down until they were in Peter's room. Next thing he knew he was wearing comfy clothes and a sweatshirt that smelled like Mr. Stark, and was walking towards the kitchen, Mr. Stark's arm wrapped around his shoulders. He didn't mind, he melted into the touch. It made him feel safe and protected. Something that he couldn't remember when he felt last.
Only a few minutes later they were sitting on the couch each with a mug of hot chocolate. Peter was curled into Mr. Stark's side and the older man kept an arm around the kid holding him tight.
"I'm sorry. I'm just so tired." Peter said, finally breaking the silence.
"No no you don't have to apologize." Tony put his mug on the coffee table followed by Peters and pulled his-the kid almost completely into his lap holding the boy tight against his chest. "There's nothing to apologize for. You're here and you're safe, that's all that matters."
"I should've said something." Peter whimpered.
"You did tesoro you called me you did the right thing. It's okay." Tony placed a hand on the back of Peter's head slowly working his fingers through the curls.
"But-,"
"No buts. You said you'd call me for anything and you did and I came. I promise Pete all that matters is you're safe." Tony reassured. "I'm always gonna be here cucciolo. As long as you need, I'm here I promise."
"I'm sorry." Peter whispered.
"Get some rest bambi. I promise I'll be here when you wake up." Tony said and pressed a kiss in Peter's soft curls.
"Promise?" Peter asked with a yawn and snuggled closer to Tony resting his ear over Tony's heart.
"Promise." Tony whispered. "I love you il mio bambino ."
"Love you too dad."
It didn't take long for Peter to fall asleep. Tony of course didn't sleep at all, being too busy worrying about his kid. But when Peter woke up some of the worry went away when Tony saw the soft small smile on his kid's face when he realized Tony was still holding him and was still there and never left.
~
Life likes to tear you down, break you apart, and drag you through the depths of hell and maybe then and only then you'll realize that you can get through what life throws at you as long as you can make way for tomorrow.