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"Ok guys that's it for today, you can go home now" the dance teacher yelled across the room so that all 9 members could hear him. To say that Jungwoo was exhausted was an understatement, he had been going from dance practice to vocal practice to dance practice again for the past weeks and now he could no longer feel his throat or feet. "Except you Jungwoo, I need you to stay so that you can properly learn the choreographies" - excellent, just what Jungwoo needed. He was really starting to doubt that the decision of making him part of 127 was a good idea.
He turned around, left his bag on the floor once again, and placed himself in the middle of the practice room while he waited for the music to start. His arms and legs moved to the music but his mind was somewhere else, he knew he must have missed some steps but at that point, he couldn't really bring himself to care anymore, he was too exhausted to dance like he was supposed to.
Two hours later, he was finally heading home. His muscles were hurting, his head was pounding, his ears were buzzing because of the loud music and all he wanted to do was sleep.
He arrived at the dorms and was welcomed by darkness and nothing more, no sounds, no "Hello" or "How are you?" just, darkness. The pain in his muscles suddenly became nothing compared to the pain he felt in his heart. His throat tightened, he wanted to cry so bad, why weren't his members there to welcome him, he knew he was late, he knew that the members were tired and he knew that he was being selfish but he had been just so tired this past week and he really wanted someone to comfort him, to tell him that he was enough and that his hard work would pay off, but nothing came.
Slowly he retreated to his room where he found a sleeping Jaehyun. He took his clothes off and laid on his bed. Seeing as sleep was not coming for him, he decided he would be going on his phone for a bit until he felt tired enough, or at least until his body decided to sleep. Once he opened his phone, hundreds of notifications zoomed through his phone, he quickly lowered the volume and closed his eyes hoping that Jaehyun wouldn't have been awakened by the sound of the phone.
After some minutes of silence, he opened his eyes again, checked on Jaehyun, and turned his phone on again. The culprit for the hundreds of notifications was his twitter. That was weird, he never got THAT many notifications. Something must be happening.
Curiosity swept Jungwoo but as he opened Twitter and checked what was going on, his curiosity was replaced by a feeling of dread and disgust.
"He's so ugly, why is he even on the group?"
"He doesn't add anything to the team"
"The group would be better without him"
"Useless"
"No talent"
Jungwoo kept reading comments that seemed never-ending, one after another they attacked him. He knew he wasn't the best dancer or the best singer but... But he believed people would see how hard he was working, he just wanted to be enough, why couldn't he be enough?
Tears started running down his cheeks as he kept reading. The comments kept getting worse and there was apparently no light left for him so he cried, he let his tears flow like waterfalls, he wanted to scream and sob and let people know in how much pain he was but he couldn't, he was stuck in an "I'm fine" facade and he didn't know how to get out from there.
He cried himself to sleep with no one by his side but his pillow and his phone and that's how he woke up, with puffy eyes and with no one but his phone and his pillow. When he opened his eyes Jaehyun wasn't there anymore. He must be having breakfast, Jungwoo thought, he should do too. He dressed on some decent clothes, made an attempt to comb his hair, and went out to have some breakfast.
The others were already there, they were chatting and fooling around and Jungwoo wanted to join them but he couldn't bring himself to smile as bright as them, to laugh as loud as them. They were having so much fun without him... "He isn't necessary, the group would be much better without him" - they were right, he was not necessary, he...he could disappear and no one would care.
While holding back his tears he picked a granola bar and a juice box and left to the dance studio, he ignored the glances everyone gave him and in less than 5 minutes, he was gone.
Taeyong was worried, he knew Jungwoo had been working extra hard this past month and that he must be really tired but he still worried. This past week Jungwoo barely talked, barely ate, barely anything, it was as if he was a zombie. He only opened his mouth when he had to sing and even then, his eyes seemed unfocused and sad.
Jungwoo has never been too talkative but you could always find him smiling or laughing with the others but now, you could barely see him. He was always in the dance studio and when he was home he never came out of his room, even Jaehyun found it hard to see the boy, and they shared rooms.
Taeyong thought Jungwoo might need some rest and after it, he would go back to normal so they took a day off, just the 9 of them at home, no dancing or singing, just laughing and enjoying, at least that was the plan.
A day off, maybe that's what Jungwoo needed but he couldn't take a day off, he needed to prove himself worthy of being in the group, of being a member of NCT 127 and up until now he was nothing but a disappointment. He quickly got dressed and he was out. He walked through the rain that had decided to accompany him on his way to the SM building, once he arrived he directly went to the dancing studio, there were still choreographies he didn't know, choreographies he hadn't mastered and he needed to be perfect, not for him but for his members, he couldn't be more of a burden to them than what he already was.
He danced and danced and danced until his body gave out on him, he saw darkness but just before that, someone entered the room, screamed his name, and then... Darkness, just like the one in the dorm but this one was more peaceful, he felt like floating, it was nice.
Taeyong woke up and made breakfast, Jungwoo's favorite of course, this was, at the end of the day for Jungwoo.
While cooking the members started to wake up one by one, some were already dressed and full of energy, others came to the living room on pajamas and sleepy faces but one face that he didn't see was Jungwoo, or Jaehyun's.
Taeyong just assumed they would be asleep, that was until Jaehyun came out of their room asking for Jungwoo. Jungwoo wasn't in the dorm, where had the boy gone?-right, the studio, he had to run, he wasn't going to leave the younger alone. Taeyong picked his keys and coat and ran to the studio leaving the other 7 members with a confused expression on their faces.
He had never run so fast, he had this horrible feeling and he couldn't quite tell where was it coming from and, in all honesty, he didn't really want to know. The rain slapped him in the face with every step he took, he didn't know why he was so desperate to get there but he knew he had to get to Jungwoo as fast as he could.
He arrived at the building and ran directly towards the dance studio where loud music could be heard, he slammed the door open and saw Jungwoo slowly falling to the floor, he saw how his eyes went to the back of his head and he screamed Jungwoo's name but it was too late. Jungwoo's head touched the floor with a loud bang and Taeyong ran to his side.
Taeyong cried while he shook Jungwoo trying to wake him up, after a while Jungwoo's eyes fluttered open. Seeing his hyung in there with him made him feel even more pain, he was such a burden to everyone, Taeyong couldn't even enjoy their day off because of him. Jungwoo was so overwhelmed by his emotions that he started crying, ugly sobs leaving his mouth and Taeyong hugged him, he hadn't noticed in just how much pain Jungwoo was but now that he was showing all his pain to him he didn't know what to do so he just hugged him.
He pulled Jungwoo in his embrace and cried with him. Taeyong whispered sweet words into his ear until Jungwoo calmed down. Jungwoo breathed and buried himself deeper into his hyung's embrace enjoying the warmth of his body, how his chest moved up and down and he calmed down, he was peaceful.
"Baby, can you tell me what's wrong?"- what was wrong? Everything was wrong, he hated himself, his voice, his hair, his face, arms, legs, everything, and just like he hated everything, everything hurt too. Jungwoo explained it to Taeyong just how wrong he felt and by the time he was finished he was silently crying again.
"Baby, do you, maybe...want to take a break for a bit, like a long one so that you can heal?"-that...that didn't sound that bad. Jungwoo needed a break from life at this point so he decided it was time for him to heal and so he did. With the help of his members, he healed, he breathed, and now, he was truly okay.