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“Allison.”
“No.”
“Please?”
“Lydia, I said no, alright? Can we just move on?”
Lydia gets up from her vanity and sits on her bed near where Allison is lying, making direct eye contact the whole time.
“No we can’t. You know how important my birthday parties are to me. I get an excuse to make a mass amount of amazing drinks and wear a tiara without getting mocked and I get to do a dance number for no apparent reason. Birthdays are magical.” She puts a hand on Allison’s back. “Help me make mine magical.”
“I’m helping you already! We’ve been researching cake recipes for what feels like hours and I helped with the color scheme and the guest list and-”
“Alright I get it I get! You’re the best person in the world and I’m forever indebted to you…but it’s just one more thing…and after that you’ll definitely be the best person in the universe.”
Allison sinks her face into the comforter and moans. “Why are you insisting I be the one to do this?”
“Because you know how to ballroom dance? And if you could teach me how to shoot an arrow you can totally teach Jackson how to dance. And because you’re my best friend so I can trust that he won’t be a douche to you about it.”
Allison moans again.
She can feel Lydia get up off the bed. When she looks up Lydia is back to looking at cake recipes.
“Can’t you ask Derek to do it? You know he knows, too, plus he could actually teach Jackson the man’s part in it.”
Allison is watching Lydia in the mirror. She closes her eyes and takes a breath before turning around to face Allison. “You act like you’re not talented enough to know both parts of the dance, which you are, by the way. Besides, Derek probably hates Jackson even more than you do.”
She wasn’t expecting that. “I don’t hate Jackson.” She doesn’t. Hate’s not the right word.
“No it’s fine if you do. A lot of people do. I’m just, I’m just so intent on having this party go off without a hitch. I want it to be so great that I forget all of the horrible supernatural shit we’ve had to deal with over the past few years. I really want to forget about the last birthday party I had… this one just needs to be perfect.”
Lydia is looking off at the ground, clutching her hand around her upper arm. Allison feels so selfish. They have gone through a lot, and all Allison ever wants to do is rid Lydia of any memories of Peter. Teaching her boyfriend how to dance wasn’t how she wanted to do it, though.
Allison gets off the bed and walks past Lydia to the coat rack.
“You’re leaving?”
“I’m going to see if I can convince Derek to teach Jackson. I’m sure he’d be better. If he refuses to do it, I guess I will.” She turns and walks over to grab her purse from the table when she hears Lydia squeal.
“Thank you thank you thank you! You’re so amazing! I love you so much!”
Allison is walking toward the door when she hears that last part. She winces, but gives a thumbs up so she won’t look completely insensitive for not turning around.
She’s out of the room when she hears Lydia yelling to her, “Be back here at 7! Remember we were going shopping for dresses! I’m buying!”
****
Allison knocks on the door of the loft, even though she knows the alarm system probably went off when she entered the building.
She hears a laughing from inside getting closer when the door slides open.
“Allison!” Stiles is smiling at her and holding his arms out for a hug; snack bowl in hand.
“I need to talk to Derek.” She says as she walks briskly past him.
“Allllright then…he’s on the couch. I guess I’ll just go get some more snacks from the kitchen.”
She finds Derek sitting on the leather couch just as Stiles said. He’s playing with his phone while one of the X-Men movies is paused on the screen.
“Hey Derek.”
Derek jumps a little when he hears his name and turns around. “Woah, Allison. Sorry, didn’t hear you come in.”
“You’re a pretty shit werewolf then, aren’tcha?” She walks around the couch and sits down on one of the matching chairs.
“Ouch, thanks.” He’s got a huge smile on his face.
Now she feels more like shit. “Sorry. Long day. Plus I’m here to ask you a favor I know you’ll never say yes to.”
Derek’s eyebrows shoot up at that. “I literally have no idea what you could ask me, but go for it.”
“Promise to think about it before you turn me down?”
He’s squinting at her now, clearly confused. “I’ll try my best.”
Allison lets out a long sigh before she asks. “Can you teach Jackson how to ballroom dance?”
Derek is completely silent. She can hear Stiles, on the other hand, laughing loudly from the kitchen.
It takes a moment, but he finally responds. “And, uh, why would I need to do that?”
“It’s for Lydia’s birthday party. You know, she wants to have some grand ball like rich people did years ago. She picked up the dance really quick from their instructor but Jackson wasn’t having any of it. You know how to dance, plus you intimidate him, so it’s a great match.”
Derek rubs the side of his face. “I don’t think that would go over well at all. One of us would rip the other’s throat out. Can’t they just, not do the dance?”
She throws her head into her hands before responding. She can feel herself losing her grip and even if Derek can smell her emotions, she wants to hide them as long as she can.
“No. It’s really important to her. You remember all the shit that happened at her last party, no thanks to your uncle, and we have no idea where her dad is, and she heard me almost die last year and she just deserves to have a nice day about her so this dance means a lot even though Jackson is gonna be a dick during it no matter what but at least he’ll be a dick who knows how to dance well and it just needs to happen.”
“Woah woah Allison. Ok I get it, Jackson needs to know how to dance. You know how much he hates me though. I mean I’m the one who ruined his life for a while there. And sometimes I’m not so sorry about it. You know how to dance, why don’t you just show him?”
She shakes her head in her hands rapidly back and forth. “No, I can’t.”
“Sure you can.”
“No I can’t! I’m not gonna teach her boyfriend how to dance with her.” She can feel the moisture in her eyes start pooling to the sides.
Derek stays silent long enough for her to hear footsteps getting closer. “Just tell her how you feel, Allison.”
She wipes her eyes as she takes her hands away from her face. Stiles is standing behind Derek and the couch, snack bowl full.
“What do you mean?” She tries her best to not sound hoarse.
Stiles walks around and sits down next to Derek before answering. “I mean I thought I was in love with Lydia Martin for years. And you actually are. You should tell her the truth.”
That’s another thing she wasn’t expecting to hear today.
“I’m not in love with Lydia.”
Stiles hands Derek the snacks. “Allison, I’ve seen the way you look at her when she’s not looking. It’s more adoration than you ever gave to Scott, and it’s more adoration than I ever gave to her.” Derek makes some noise next to him and Stiles glares back. “What I’m saying is, the way I used to look after Lydia? That was me lusting after her. You look at her like you want to give her the moon.”
Allison starts to cry and knows she can’t stop it. She doesn’t stop for 3 minutes straight.
The lump in her throat is too big to talk.
She feels like she’s about to explode. “I can’t be in love with her. She could never love me back.”
Derek is looking at her with so much concern, but Stiles slants his mouth. “That’s a pretty shitty reason to not even try.”
She can feel herself glaring through her tears. “You know what I mean. You know it’s more complicated than that.”
He scoots himself forward on the couch to get closer. “No, explain it. Tell me why you don’t think she could be with you.”
Allison’s bottom lip starts to quiver.
“She’s in love with Jackson. She thinks he’s the only person who could ever be with her because they’ve gone through so many horrible things together. How messed up is that? She, she’ll settle for him even though he doesn’t give a damn about her because she thinks that’s the most anyone could love her. She’s not going to ever leave him, especially not for me.”
Stiles rubs his knees. “You know you’re way better than Jackson, right? Not just because he’s Jackson but because you’re amazing, Allison. Right?”
“Just because I’m a better person than him doesn’t give her any right to leave him. She loves him.”
Derek leans forward now. “You’re right. Just because you’re nicer and smarter and a wonderful person doesn’t mean she should date you. It’s completely up to her, but why not even ask her?”
She’s starting to get more angry than sad. “You’re kidding, right?”
“No, like Stiles said, tell us why you think she wouldn’t want to be with you.”
Allison can feel how hot her tears are. “Oh my god, because I’m a girl! Because she’s a girl! I don’t think she’d ever want to date any girl, let alone me. So if I ask her and she gets creeped out, then what? I lose her as my best friend, too? Not gonna happen.”
“You seriously think Lydia would throw away your friendship that easily? You’re telling me you love this girl and you honestly think that? Allison, you’re so important to her.”
Allison crosses her arms and tries to hold back more tears.
Stiles speaks up again. “Allison, really, you’re probably the most important thing in the world to Lydia. You weren’t there when she thought you died. You didn’t hear the way she screamed…Allison it was agonizing just to listen to. She cares about you more than anyone. She wouldn’t give you away so easily.”
“He’s right, you’ve been Lydia’s best friend since the minute you came here. She loves you, Allison, and maybe even in the way you want her to. You don’t know what she wants unless you ask her,” Derek says.
She’s stopped crying now and just rolls her eyes. “You make this sound so much easier than it is. She’s never dated a girl. She’s never said she likes girls. Why would I be different?”
“Hey I didn’t think Derek liked anybody. But he likes me, and that’s what matters.”
“And I can’t say I was completely shocked when Stiles told me he was bi…” Stiles hit him in the arm, “but I would have never have known if he liked me if I hadn’t taken a chance.”
Stiles is smiling now, and reaches out to grab Allison’s hand with his. “The point is, people don’t normally go up to the person they like; they keep it in, just like you’re doing right now. She might be doing the exact same thing. But Allison, either you’re going to have to see her every day and wonder, or you’re going to get off Derek’s damn chair and take a chance. Whatever happens, it will be worth knowing.”
Allison glances at Derek.
“He’s a jerk about it, but Stiles is right. You need to go and tell her. And preferably soon because you sitting on my chair crying is ripping my heart out.”
“I should tell her?” She says it aloud but it’s mostly a question to herself.
They both nod. “Yes you should definitely tell her. In whatever way you want, but lying to her isn’t helping anyone.” Stiles says as he tightens his grip around her hand.
She’s feeling motivated. And nauseous. “If something goes terribly wrong, you guys will be here for me, right?”
Derek smiles. “We always are.”
****
Allison finds Lydia at her desk scribbling down notes for their 275 organic chemistry course and knocks on the door frame.
“Hey! That took longer than I thought.” Lydia looks tired but is smiling wide.
Allison heads straight for the bed and doesn’t respond.
Lydia turns in her chair to follow her. “But it did give me time to get ahead on these chapters for our next few lectures so we can study later if you want?”
She looks up, and tries to make eye contact as best she can. “That sounds good.”
“Alright, spit it out. Derek won’t teach Jackson, right?”
Allison shakes her head.
“So, you’re going to teach him?”
She shakes it again.
Lydia throws her head back as she talks. “Allison, you said you would, please just do this for me it’s not that big of a deal!”
“It is though.”
Lydia brings her head back down; her voice is calmer. “What do you mean?”
Be strong, Allison. “I mean I’m not going to teach your boyfriend how to dance with you because I want to be the one dancing with you. It would hurt too much to teach someone else how to do it.”
Lydia’s face is turning red and Allison is starting to seriously doubt why she opened her mouth.
“I...I don’t understand.”
She sits up straighter, hoping that will help. “I already have to watch him kiss you and put his hands on you. I’m not going to let him dance with you, too. I won’t be able to handle it.”
“Why?” There’s a lump in her throat, Allison can hear it, but Lydia is trying her best to act like she’s not overwhelmed.
Water is pooling at the corners of Lydia’s eyes and all Allison wants to do is look away, but she’s too far in to back out now.
“Because I don’t hate Jackson; I’m jealous of him. He has you and he doesn’t deserve you because you’re too perfect for him, for anyone. But I want you to settle for me.” She realizes she’s crying a bit, too, now.
Lydia’s bottom lip is trembling, but she doesn’t say anything.
Allison shuts her eyes. “I’m in love with you, Lydia. And I know it’s terrible and selfish because you’re with someone else but I can’t keep it in anymore.” She squeezes her eyes tighter. “And I’m so scared that this is going to ruin our friendship but fuck, Lydia, I love you. I can’t keep hiding that.”
The tears start streaming down her cheeks when Lydia says something. Allison opens her eyes to see Lydia standing right in front of her.
“Take my hand.” There are tears in her eyes, but Lydia is smiling.
She’s confused, but Allison takes her hand and stands up.
“You’re right.” Lydia tugs her over to the middle of the room. “Jackson doesn’t deserve me.” She takes Allison’s right hand and puts it on her waist. “But I don’t deserve you.” She puts her left hand on Allison’s shoulder.
Allison starts laughing through her tears. “Ok, now I don’t understand.”
Lydia laughs at that, too. “Allison, I’ve thought you were amazing since I met you. I’ve been settling with Jackson or Aiden or Jackson again because I never figured you could love me back. You’re strong and beautiful and smart…and you’ve only ever dated werewolves for Christ’s sake, what would you want with me?”
She presses her forehead to Lydia’s. “Everything. I want everything to do with you.”
Lydia’s still slightly crying as she brings her mouth closer to Allison’s, hovering over her lips. “Good. Now, help me with our dance.”