Archive of Our Own ^beta

Yuletide carols were ringing through the air and the smell of roasted almonds, spices, and other delicacies was everywhere. Thick snowflakes were trundling down lazily, reflecting the many glittering lights and slowly gathering on the hats and coats of the visitors of Beleriand’s Yuletide market. It was only one day before the start of the holidays and everywhere Maedhros looked, people were chatting merrily and enjoying mugs of steaming mulled wine. 

Not that he would have paid much attention to anyone aside from Fingon next to him. His boyfriend had of course refused to wear a woolen hat with the argument that it would mess up his hair. And even though Maedhros had chided him for his choice, he had to admit that Fingon looked radiant with the holly branch braided into his dark tresses with gold thread and the snowflakes gathering in his hair. Catching his gaze, Fingon gave him a broad smile, using the cover of the crowd to secretly slip a hand into the pocket of Maedhros’ coat and squeeze his gloved fingers.

"Have you decided what you want to eat now?" Maedhros wanted to know with audible amusement, gravitating ever closer. Having been undecided before, Fingon had insisted upon having a look at everything before making a decision.

“You, preferably,” Fingon said in a low voice, a mischievous grin on his face. “But since that might attract too much attention here, I might settle for the blazed salmon roll as the second best thing.”

Maedhros found himself entirely incapable of keeping the corners of his mouth from twitching, having to curl his hands in the pockets of his jacket to keep himself from reaching out to Fingon. To pull him close for a kiss, preferably.

"Sounds fair," he shrugged, then allowed his smile to widen as he gave his boyfriend an amused, affectionate look. "I think a salmon roll won't be able to keep up with you either, but as far as dinner goes, it sounds good."

"Let's go then, I'm starving!" Fingon suggested happily and pulled Maedhros towards the small booth. Only minutes later, they were balancing deliciously smelling rolls stuffed with salad and steaming salmon in their hands. Fingon made a satisfied sound as he took a large bite, preventing honey mustard marinade from spilling onto his coat at the last second. "Mmmh. So good."

It really was, succulent and smoky and delicious. But still Maedhros was unable to look away for more than a second at a time, captivated. Even amid all the lights, the people, the beautiful and often delicate things being offered in the stands, there was nothing quite as beautiful as his boyfriend.

Maedhros knew it was a cheesy thought but would never regret having it. And he needed to look his fill, since he wouldn’t be able to over the holidays, with their families celebrating separately as every year.

“Just wondering,” Fingon said casually, as if he had guessed his thoughts, “how long will you stay with your family? Meaning, when can I see you again?”

Maedhros chuckled softly and finally pulled his gaze away to wipe his fingers with one of the napkins they had been given. “Four days, then I’m free for all sorts of visits.” Throwing the used napkin into the nearby bin, he looked back at his boyfriend. “And maybe a New Year’s kiss at midnight?”

“Four days!” Fingon rolled his eyes dramatically and stuffed the last bite of his roll into his mouth. After he had chewed and swallowed, he smirked at Maedhros. “You bet I’ll have a lot more than just one kiss from you. And I think you might need that as well, after four entire days with all your brothers and your father…”

With a light, amused huff, Maedhros reached up to draw his arm around Fingon’s shoulders and tuck him against his side so they could keep strolling over the market. “You’re probably right,” he admitted, actively keeping himself from turning his head and pressing a kiss against Fingon’s temple. “A lot more than one kiss. How about you and your family, then?”

“Oh, they’re not too bad,” Fingon shrugged, leaning against his shoulder just slightly. “Turko and I will have our traditional Yuletide fight over something at some point, but aside from that, my folks are usually good at giving each other space. And I can always pretend I have to study for my upcoming finals. I just hope Ada won’t pester me anymore about my choice to not apply for Tirion University,” he added as an afterthought.

Maedhros gave Fingon a brief glance. “Well, it is the most prestigious university for Law…”

“Beleriand isn’t that bad either and it has the more prestigious law firms for internships, student jobs, that stuff,” Fingon replied without missing a beat. “Don’t worry, Nelyo. I have thought this through for once.” He gave him a small smile. “And I’ll choose being close to you over a fancy degree any time.”

A part of Maedhros - the more sensible, more responsible part - wanted to remind Fingon that he didn’t want him to narrow his options for him. The other, significantly larger part though was very aware that Tirion University was a whole ocean away. So Maedhros only gave Fingon’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“As long as you’re certain about what you’re doing. I’m sure your father will come around to it too. What does your mother say about it?”

“She said I should do whatever makes me happy,” Fingon shrugged. “I think she also likes the thought of seeing me a little more often. But she also suspects that there’s some boy in the picture.”

Even though Maedhros was well aware of Fingon’s daring side, he was still astounded at the thought that three years ago, his boyfriend had outright told his family that he was gay at the age of fourteen. He still wasn’t entirely sure whether to attribute it more to Fingon, or to his family.

“Does she?” he could not help asking, giving his boyfriend a curious look.

“Mhm. She hasn’t asked, but hinted clearly that she believes there’s someone,” Fingon said with a mischievous grin. “She doesn’t press me about these things though, not like Irissë. I had to start locking my door lately to make sure she doesn’t go through my stuff.”

That drew a laugh from Maedhros, and he reached up and patted Fingon’s hair, careful not to touch the holly branch. “Welcome to my world. I’ve had to keep very close tabs on my things ever since Tyelko was five.”

Fingon laughed and rolled his eyes. “Siblings, eh? I’ll admit… as much as I love mine, I am excited to move out and get my own place, just like you.” A little lower, he added, “Just thinking that I could spend the entire night and even the next day at your place without anyone wondering where I am… or have you over in my own bed for once…”

The low words murmured close to his ear sent a shiver down Maedhros’ spine, and his fingers momentarily curled more firmly around Fingon’s shoulder.

“Only half a year to go,” he murmured back, feeling the corners of his own mouth curl up.

What a change this was indeed to a couple of years ago, the certainty he felt now in contrast to when he’d still had to slowly get used to the thought that this might not only be a phase of Fingon’s after all. In contrast, Fingon had never made a secret out of the fact that he had wanted him, from the days where he had still been little more than a boy and had clumsily attempted to kiss a four years older, completely bewildered Maedhros.

“Oh, before I forget,” Fingon said, starting to rummage in his backpack, “I have a Yuletide present for you and I don’t want to wait until the holidays are over to know what you think.” He presented Maedhros with a little package wrapped in wrinkled colorful gift paper. “Sorry for the packaging, wrapping gifts up is not my strongest suit.”

“Indeed,” Maedhros smiled and accepted the gift out of Fingon’s hands, the urge to kiss him nearly overwhelming again. Instead, he just looked at him for a long moment, revelling in that surge of love and affection in his chest.

Crazy, what that boy had done to him.

Finally, Maedhros made himself look down at the present, knowing that if he didn’t open it right now, his boyfriend would get impatient. So he carefully unwrapped it, turning it over in his hands to have a proper look.

It was a black, high-quality notebook made of fine leather. Maedhros wore gloves but by the looks of it he could just imagine how smooth the texture of its cover had to feel.

“Open it,” Fingon urged him with an expectant grin when Maedhros made no attempt to do anything but turn the book over and admire its looks.

The creamy pages of the notebook were mostly blank, but not entirely. When Maedhros opened up the first page, he looked at a pencil drawing that was unmistakably Fingon’s quick, clever comic style. And still, a few firm lines left no doubt about who the two young men were that were depicted here, the dark-haired one pressing a kiss to the taller one’s cheek who looked at him adoringly.

“Come to think of it, you might need to hide this from Tyelko, too,” Fingon muttered. “Do you like it?”

What a question, really. The wide grin that had spread all over Maedhros’ face must have surely given him away, yet he was also not surprised that his boyfriend was asking for confirmation.

“I love it,” he said quietly, gaze lingering on the drawing of them. He went through so many notebooks, but this one, he knew, he’d treasure more than most he used for all kinds of things to fill the pages.

Without really thinking about it, Maedhros thumbed through the pages just to have a quick look, but didn’t even get halfway through before he caught sight of another drawing and quickly went back to that page.

“Fin… those are beautiful.”

The broad, happy smile that Fingon gave him warmed him more than any mead or mulled wine could have ever done. “I’m glad you like it. Even though you haven’t even discovered the naughty sketches yet.”

“The what?” Maedhros laughed, honestly not sure if his boyfriend was being serious with him or not.

“Relax, I’m only kidding,” Fingon grinned jauntily. “All safe for work in there. Hm, but come to think of it… maybe I should put some juicy ones into the next one. Give you a motivation to keep up with me in the future.”

“Really.” It felt all but impossible to control the twitching of the corners of his mouth. Yet Maedhros had to admit to himself that he was curious about the drawings Fingon would come up with.

Chasing that thought away, he reached out and gathered Fingon close for a tight hug. “Thank you, sunshine. This is beautiful.”

Fingon gladly returned the hug, momentarily burying his face against his shoulder. “You’re very welcome, Russo.”

Even though he didn’t want to, Maedhros made himself pull out of the embrace before it lingered too long, and reached for the pocket of his coat instead.

“So I suppose that means it’s time for your present too, huh?” he said, got out an envelope and pressed it into Fingon’s hands with an affectionate smile. His boyfriend’s excitement was obvious as he opened it instantly, pulled out the Yuletide card and almost dropped the two slips of paper inside. 

“What - Oooh, vouchers for Blackwater Rafting on the Narog?! I’ve always wanted to try that, how did you know?”

Maedhros just shrugged with a smile as he watched the excitement on Fingon’s face. He had overheard Tyelko and Irissë on his brother’s last birthday, and how she had told him that Fingon had been rather envious when he had heard that she had gone rafting there on a summer camp trip that year.

“I have my ways,” Maedhros said instead, smile widening into a grin on his lips.

“You sneaky bastard,” Fingon grinned back, his eyes bright. “Come here, I want to give you a proper thanks.”

While walking, they had arrived at the fringes of the market where there were fewer people and lights. Looking around briefly, Fingon grabbed Maedhros’ hand and without further ado pulled him to the side of one of the little booths. Maedhros cast a quick glance over his shoulder but let himself be pulled along, excitement and laughter filling his chest when Fingon pressed him against the back of one of the stalls. His hands eagerly buried in Fingon’s winter jacket when he was finally, finally able to pull him close, when they met each other in a long press of lips that was half kiss, half smile.

Stars, he had wanted to do this ever since they had met out here a few hours ago.

Fingon hummed contently against his lips, bringing up his hands to Maedhros’ face to tip it the way he liked. The smooth, cool leather of his gloves was a stark contrast to the warmth of his mouth. Maedhros felt his woolen hat slipping as one of Fingon’s hands travelled on to bury in his hair, but he couldn’t have cared less about it just then. He finally got to kiss his boyfriend. And even if he’d have to spend Yuletide without him, texts, maybe a call or two, and certainly the memory of the happy excitement in his eyes and the warmth of their kiss would carry him through.

***

The day of Yuletide was coming to an end. The food was eaten, the dishes were put away and the lights were low. The sounds of the TV were filling the big living room as the fairytale movie “The Saga of Beren and Lúthien” was playing on screen. Over at the table where they’d had their family dinner, Curufin and Tyelpë had sat up the chess board, with instructions or pointers being murmured towards the youngest Fëanorion ever so often. Nerdanel had a twin on either side of her who disrupted the story from time to time with questions or one of their comments, Caranthir had folded his limbs into the armchair and had a book in his lap, showing no interest in the movie, while Celegorm was changing his position on the couch every few minutes. Probably bored, Maedhros thought as he watched him drape his long legs over the back of the couch so he could hang his head over the edge and watch the TV upside down. Catching Maglor’s gaze, Maedhros knew his brother was thinking the same thing, the corners of both their mouths twitching in shared amusement.

“Why would Tevildo send Beren to the kitchen to work for him and his cats instead of killing him right away? That just makes no sense.”

“Because you’re not paying attention,” Maglor replied and threw a piece of chocolate at Celegorm. “The Dark Lord did not allow him to be killed.”

“Ugh. Such losers, both of them,” their brother complained, nevertheless unwrapping the chocolate and stuffing it into his mouth.

“Dummy, it’s a children’s story. What the fuck do you expect?” Caranthir commented without looking up from his book.

“Language, Carnistir,” Nerdanel sighed. “Tyelkormo, would you mind sitting on the couch like a normal human being?”

With a grunt, Celegorm pushed himself up and sat back on the couch. “It still would have made more sense if he had just ripped his guts out,” he grumbled.

“With blood splattering everywhere! ” Amrod added excitedly and Amras made some violent noises illustrating audibly how Tevildo apparently should have crushed poor Beren. Nerdanel rolled her eyes in Maedhros’ direction in exaggerated helplessness.

Giving her a half hidden smile back, Maedhros reached for another wrapped little ball of chocolate and chucked it right at Celegorm’s head. “Stop being the worst influence,” he told him and then turned to look at the twins, reaching over to dig his fingertips into Amrod’s stomach right where he knew him to be ticklish. “I don’t want to hear anything like that from either of you little fiends again.”

“Mean!” Amrod squeaked and playfully kicked at him. Maedhros wrapped his arm around his little brother’s waist and pulled him away from Nerdanel to pin him against his own chest.

“That’s right, so you better watch your mouths.”

Celegorm whistled. “Damn, I just got used to not having three parents in the house.”

“Yes, unfortunately you did,” Nerdanel said pointedly, stretching on the couch with a relaxed sigh. Amrod giggled and struggled playfully against Maedhros, but his older brother did not let him escape. “I probably should have objected to you moving out, Maitimo.”

“I’m sorry, Nana. You know I’ll always come home and help you wrangle these two if you need me.” He gave his mother an affectionate smile while poking at Amrod’s stomach, which made his little brother squirm and laugh again.

“Hey, why just us?” Amras threw in, joining them now that Nerdanel had changed her position. Maedhros let out a half exaggerated ‘oof’ when Amras climbed over both him and Amrod to get to his other side.

“What do you mean, why just you?” Maedhros smirked. “Tyelpë is playing chess with Curvo over there, Moryo’s reading a book on mathematics as an art. You’re the only ones making exploding noises at the prospect of gut-ripping.”

“Yeah, because we’re not boring!” Amrod objected and laughed, attempting to grab his twin who giggled and tried to start a fight with him over Maedhros’ lap.

“What in the world were you thinking, Nelyafinwë?”

Maedhros had not noticed that his father had entered the room and Fëanor hadn’t even spoken very loudly, but there was some low-simmering anger in his voice that made everyone fall silent and turn their heads at once. On TV, Lúthien’s fight with the cats seemed all the louder for it and Fëanor gave it an irritated glance.

“Can someone turn that off, please.”

Immediately, Maglor reached for the remote and paused the movie.

Fëanor had excused himself a couple of hours ago and had not returned so far. That in itself was not unusual - he often did it when an idea struck him, barring himself in his office for several hours. Yet the barely contained anger that was clearly visible on his face as he looked from the phone in his hand over at Maedhros made it clear that his absence had nothing to do with any brilliant idea of his.

Maedhros released his arm from around Amrod's middle and sat his brother down properly on the sofa. There was an old, familiar sinking feeling in his gut, but he got to his feet nevertheless, making himself hold his father's icy glare.

"About what?" he asked quietly, trying to keep his mind from spinning in too many directions at once.

“About this,” Fëanor hissed, pressing the phone into Maedhros’ hand. There was an opened picture and Maedhros’ heart sank into his gut when he saw what was displayed there. A close-up of him and Fingon, tightly embracing and kissing next to the little booth on the Yuletide market. The picture was a little blurry and there were snowflakes on them, but Maedhros’ copper hair was clearly identifiable and so was Fingon’s face, who looked up at him affectionately.

“There are more of those,” Fëanor informed him coldly, “but my guess is, this is the one that the magazines will gladly pick for their headlines. Unless I pay the rather impressive sum that the photographer wants for the rights to them.”

For a long moment, Maedhros couldn’t really do much more than stare down at the picture. Fingon looked so incredibly happy, just like in his memory from that evening. Stars, Maedhros himself looked impossibly happy.

The thought gave him a sharp pang in his chest even over the pounding of his heart.

“Right,” he heard himself say, all other thoughts seeming to have been wiped from his mind.

What did you say to something like this?

“Right,” Fëanor echoed his words. “No, nothing about this looks particularly right to me, Nelyafinwë. Would you please help me understand why you were making out with your half-cousin of all people apparently for all the world to see?”

There were some gasps and whispers from his brothers but Maedhros paid no attention to them. The words had spiked anger in his chest, helpless anger at his father for putting him on the spot like this, before the whole family, all his brothers, even the little ones. So he glared back, his back rigid, jaw locked, tension keeping his whole body frozen to the spot.

There was no way back anymore now anyway.

“We’ve been together for almost a year. I guess that’s why.”

“Well, isn’t that lovely,” Fëanor spat, eyes dark with rage. “And what a way for you to announce your little romantic aberration, before the entire press.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Nerdanel now chimed in. “As if he planned it.”

“I have no idea what he planned. Obviously not to tell his family about this,” Fëanor snapped, clearly displeased about her involvement.

“And what a surprise that is, considering your reaction,” she returned without missing a beat and reached for the phone still in Maedhros’ hand. “Can I see these, darling?”

Without hesitation, Maedhros passed the phone over to her, though he never took his eyes off his father. Even if his mother disapproved of their relationship, he knew that she would at least talk to him, and try to understand him.

Something his father did not seem inclined to do.

There was a whole lot he had to say, and yet, at the same time, nothing at all. The picture did speak for itself, Maedhros could not help but think. His silence seemed to upset Fëanor even more, though.

“Now come on, where’s your clever tongue? What is all of this, some weird post-adolescent phase to spite me?”

“Spite you?” Maedhros could feel how his hands had curled into fists, and he made a conscious effort to relax them again despite the anger pounding in his blood. “This has nothing to do with you. If it did, I would have been sure to let you know two weeks in.”

“Oh, that’s rich,” Fëanor exploded. “And so, what, you just conveniently forgot that you’ve been dating the son of my half-brother? The same half-brother that won’t miss any chance he gets to try and push me out of your grandfather’s company and his favor? Did you forget your loyalty to this family when you moved out and closed the door behind you, Nelyafinwë?”

“Don’t you dare,” Maedhros heard himself say before he had any chance to even think about it. His anger was pushing relentlessly against the insides of his ribcage, like something that desperately needed to break out. “My loyalty is exactly where it’s supposed to be.”

“Stop it, both of you,” Nedanel interfered, her voice sharp, but she was looking at Fëanor while she spoke. “I won’t let the two of you fight like this, not in front of the little ones, and especially not at Yuletide. You’ll both sit down now, and we’ll talk this through like adults.” Fëanor made an attempt to object, but caught a piercing glare from his wife. “Sit down, Fëanáro.” 

He gave her a dark glance, but wordlessly reached for a chair to sit down.

Maedhros turned and slowly sat back down on the sofa as well, finally catching a brief glimpse of his brothers. They were all staring at him with varying degrees of stunned surprise, only the three youngest with something that seemed more like curious incomprehension. None of them said anything though, yet for a brief moment, Maedhros caught Maglor’s gaze. More than anything, he looked worried, but at the same time, the corners of his mouth twitched in the barest hint of something that looked like encouragement.

Breathing just a little more freely again, Maedhros turned his gaze to his mother.

“Maitimo, love,” Nerdanel continued softly, “why don’t you tell us a little more about you and… Fingon, is that right?”

“Yes,” he replied without hesitation, only briefly glancing over at his father. But this time, Fëanor stayed silent, so Maedhros let out a sigh and kept speaking. “Though I don’t know how much more I can say other than it’s been almost a year, it’s serious, and I’m sure about it. And that it has nothing to do with anyone else in the family.”

“How did you get involved with him anyway?” Fëanor asked, visibly trying to contain himself now, even though his disdain was still obvious. “He’s only… what, seventeen, eighteen? He must be still at school.”

“Eighteen, going into his finals now. If you remember, we went to the same school for a long time. And after that, believe it or not, it was a coincidence.”

At least apart from the scarce family meetings in their childhood. Maedhros could feel that his anger was slowly but surely being replaced by a kind of weariness. He raised his hand to rub his eyes with thumb and forefinger, letting out a small breath.

“We ran into each other at Daeron’s concert last summer. Maglor was there,” he added with a small hand gesture towards his brother.

“So Kánafinwë knew about all this?” Fëanor grumbled, scrutinizing his second-born who looked as if he wanted to vanish from the face of the earth.

“Uhm…”

“No, he did not,” Maedhros threw in, voice regaining its sharp edge. “I said we ran into each other there, not that we jumped into the next bush together.”

“And even if,” Nerdanel added sharply, “you only just complained about Maitimo not telling his family, and now you’re complaining when you suspect somebody knew? That’s not fair, love.”

“Whatever,” Fëanor sighed, sounding exhausted. “So you… ran into each other. And then what?”

“And then we eventually started dating. It’s not that complicated or outrageous of a story,” Maedhros returned. A part of him was fascinated that every single one of his brothers was still silent, but right now, he wasn’t going to question it.

"Except I didn't even know - Well, I didn't even know you were gay, for a start," Fëanor grumbled, running a hand over his face, and Maedhros turned his gaze to him again.

The words were unexpected and took whatever wind out of his sails that had still been there.

“I’m sorry,” he said, gaze flickering to the table for the first time in their conversation. But he meant it. “I could have - should have told you that before. I didn’t mean to upset anyone.”

There was a long, uncomfortable moment of silence in the room. Amrod whispered something to Celegorm, but Maedhros could neither understand what it was that he was saying nor did he catch the answer. 

“Well, then,” Fëanor said eventually, “what is it that you want me to do about the pictures?”

The question deserved fair consideration, and more than Maedhros could give at a moment's notice. And more importantly - it wasn't solely his decision.

"I'll talk to Fingon and give you a definitive answer tomorrow," he replied, looking at his father and trying to determine if he really was out of the woods. "But… nothing, preferably. It's not worth the money."

Because it will happen again.

“I guess not,” Fëanor stated matter-of-factly and stood up, running a hand through his hair. “Alright. Let me know what you decide.”

As fast as the storm had come, it was gone again. Maedhros should have been used to it after all these years, but especially when emotions were high and matters personal, it could still startle him. So for a moment, he just stared up at his father and then gave him a nod.

“I will.”

Fëanor just nodded, hesitated for a short moment as if he wanted to add something, but then just left the room with long strides. Nerdanel gave a long sigh.

“I guess I better go after him.” Gently, she squeezed Maitimo’s shoulder. “You’ll be alright, love?”

Suddenly tired - both from relief and frayed nerves - Maedhros rubbed a hand over his face and nodded. “Guess I have some more explaining to do though,” he added and finally dared to give his brothers a glance again.

“You do that,” Nerdanel said and smiled at him. “Also, now that the cat is out of the bag, don’t think that I don’t want to meet your Fingon at some point. I haven’t seen him in years. Quite a sweet boy, if I remember the last family gathering correctly.”

Maedhros avoided looking at his brothers just then, but he was sure that he heard some snickering - either Maglor or Celegorm - from behind him. And he didn’t have to wait long. The moment Nerdanel closed the door behind herself, his brothers descended on him like a pack of hungry wolves.

“Right, Nelyo,” Celegorm said with audible pleasure and whistled, “why don’t you tell us more about that sweet boy of yours.”

As much as Maedhros loved his brothers - this was going to be a nightmare.

He glared at Celegorm with narrowed eyes. "Any serious questions?"

"Yes!" Amras called out immediately. "What's gay? Tyelko wouldn't say."

With a soft huff and a last glance at Celegorm, Maedhros turned his attention to Amras. He and Amrod were looking at him with open curiosity, just like Tyelpë where he was still sitting at the table with the forgotten chess match between him and Curufin.

Maedhros gave them a small, reassuring smile.

"It's… when boys fall in love with boys and not with girls, or girls fall in love with girls but not with boys."

"Technically, that's homoromanticism," Curufin threw in, and stars, where had that kid even heard of that distinction? He was barely fifteen.

"Right." Maedhros gave him a look. "Let's go with it anyway, shall we?"

“Aw, so it’s all just hearts and holding hands with you two?” Celegorm said with a broad grin. “So that was what Findekáno was talking about in the locker room two weeks ago when he bragged about having been kept up all night. How romantic.”

“Hold on, you knew about this and didn’t tell any of us?” Caranthir snarled. “What the fuck, Tyelko?”

“Stars, calm down, bro.” Celegorm rolled his eyes. “There’s a rumour at school that Findekáno is fucking some college guy but I sure as hell didn’t know that was about Nelyo.”

Maedhros hadn't heard that rumour before but, if he was honest, he wasn't surprised. When they had started dating, Fingon had agreed to not telling anyone about their relationship just yet, but that didn't mean that he wasn't prone to showing off a bit. Especially since he seemed to have taken it upon himself to be the loudest, proudest, most desirable, and most popular student at his school ever since he had come out.

And Maedhros was proud of him for that. How uncompromisingly he was being himself and giving even people who wanted bad blood no chance.

"Almost a year, was it?" Caranthir continued, his eyes narrowing as he looked at Maglor. "And that concert? You really had no idea?"

“Um,” Maglor said, clearly surprised about being dragged into the conversation again all of a sudden. “Well…”

Caranthir gave him an angry glare. “Oh so apparently everyone had some idea about this except for me?”

"We didn't!" Amrod and Amras chorused indignantly, and Tyelpë followed more quietly with, "Me neither."

Curufin rolled his eyes. "I didn't either, stop being a drama queen. Káno was the only one who really knew, wasn't he."

His gaze went from Maglor to Maedhros and back, and Maedhros sighed.

"Yes, but don't rip his head off for it."

“Are you and Findekáno kissing, Nelyo?” Amrod interrupted curiously and with a giggle that resulted in several snorts around them.

"Among other things," Celegorm smirked and Maedhros shot him a warning look.

"Yes, Pityo," he turned back to the twins, the corners of his mouth twitching subtly. "And don't you dare say 'eeww'."

Amrod gave him a broad grin, chuckling, while Amras was quick on the next question, an innocent look in his eyes.

“And are you also… making love?”

The snorts of his brothers were getting louder and Maedhros could see that now even Maglor had to clasp a hand to his mouth rather quickly.

Oh, let them laugh.

"Yes," Maedhros said again, leaning back almost provocatively against the back of the sofa. "We are also making love."

Maybe he was taking a leaf out of Fingon's book after all.

"But…" Tyelpë spoke up now, confusedly glancing between them. "I thought that's how you make babies."

Now Maglor and Carathir were cackling openly while Celegorm was bent over and silently crying with laughter. Curufin, however, rolled his eyes in obvious annoyance about the immaturity of his older brothers.

“Well, Tyelpë, there are other reasons to have sex except for making babies. Interestingly, also other ways to do it. For instance, male homosexual couples will often -”

"Don't," Maedhros interrupted him sharply before Curufin was - doubtlessly - going to go into anatomical detail. "Tyelpë, you’re not wrong, but having sex with someone can also be about intimacy and fun. I can explain more to you, but not tonight. Is that alright?"

His youngest brother just looked at him for a long moment, and then gave him a nod.

“Awww. But will you at least tell us who the one bending over is?” Celegorm asked in a voice equally as innocent as Amras’ had been, even though his broad smirk gave him away.

Maedhros threw another chocolate ball at his head and got to his feet.

"No. If I find out you fill the little ones' heads with nonsense, you'll regret it."

“Clearly Findekáno. Nelyo is way too bossy for that,” Caranthir commented drily, picking up his book again.

“Ah well, but you know what they say about bossy people who like to be ordered around in the bedroom,” Maglor threw in, now clearly enjoying himself.

“First, that’s such a cliché, second, dominance is really not the same as -” Curufin started but was interrupted by Celegorm.

“Ohh, but let’s not forget, Káno does have privy information about our dear brother’s love life, doesn’t he?”

With a sigh, Maedhros shot Maglor a look. But he trusted him, and so he left the living room without another word to make his way up the stairs and into his room.

It was blessedly silent there, and after letting himself fall onto his back on the bed, Maedhros allowed himself a moment to just breathe.

So it was all out now. And in the end, it had worked out better than he had imagined.

With a soft huff, Maedhros reached for his phone and called Fingon.

It only took a small number of rings before he heard the familiar voice answer. “Hey there!”

Instantly, Maedhros felt something in his chest soften and uncurl at Fingon's voice, the corners of his mouth twitching up warmly.

"Hey, you. Happy Yuletide, baby."

"Mhm, Happy Yuletide to you too." Fingon let out an exaggerated groan. "Stars, I am so stuffed with venison, pie, and chocolates, I swear I won't be able to move for the next few days. You don't mind having a fat boyfriend, do you?"

As always, Fingon made him smile effortlessly, and a wave of affection overcame Maedhros.

"You're far too overactive to ever become fat," he grinned, allowing himself this moment of normalcy. "As if you could stay in one place for more than an hour."

“You should have seen me yesterday. I barely moved away from the couch, but today Irissë dragged everyone out for a family walk. So everything’s fine.” A content sigh, and then Fingon added, “I already miss you, though.”

"I miss you too," Maedhros admitted quietly, rolled onto his side and pushed a hand under his pillow, the other holding the phone to his ear. "Listen… something happened, and I'm sorry that it's got to be now but… you should know."

“Okay?” He could hear the concern in Fingon’s voice even over the phone. “What is it?”

For a brief moment, Maedhros had to ponder how to say it, and then let out a soft sigh. "My father received an email with an offer to buy some pictures someone took of us kissing at the Yule Market."

For a moment, Fingon was silent and Maedhros heard only a sharp intake of breath. “Fuck. How did - I mean, your father, how - aw, shit.”

A small smile flickered over Maedhros' lips.

"It's alright. He stormed in and exploded, but stayed to listen. I think we'll be fine."

“We’ll be… okay?” Fingon replied slowly and groaned softly. “Aw, I’m so sorry I got you into this, Nelyo. I mean… I guess I probably shouldn’t have kissed you out in the open, with so many people around, but you were just so…”

Now, in hindsight, Maedhros was able to laugh about it, endeared and amused.

"I'll take that compliment. Listen, baby, don't worry about me, alright? I think the worst part on my end now will be to put up with the questions and comments of my horde of brothers. But you and I, we need to decide now what to do about the pictures. If we should buy them off or… let everyone see."

“Hmmmm,” Fingon hummed and then said, with a mischievous undertone, “Well… you haven’t even told me whether we look good in them.”

Shaking his head to himself, Maedhros smiled, wishing Fingon were here so he might kiss him.

"They're very nice pictures, to be fair."

“Nice,” Fingon echoed and Maedhros could just picture the grin on his face. “Nice is for family and cat pictures. Do we look hot? Well, of course you do, but do I look hot?”

"You always look hot," Maedhros returned, his voice dropping half an octave. The smile on his face grew. "But I suppose for the wide populace, nice would still work better."

“Boring,” Fingon laughed. “Anyway… I’m good with letting everyone see that the hottest guy in town is mine. But…” Here he hesitated, his voice more serious than before. “What about you, Nelyo? Have you - are you sure you’re ready for that? I mean… you haven’t even told anyone beside your mother and Káno you’re gay…”

It was a fair question, and Maedhros closed his eyes to think about it. It was true that it wouldn't be easy. The tabloids could be all over them, and who knew what they'd turn this into. Everywhere, people might look at them, might ask questions or comment on what was none of their business.

But what was the alternative?

"I don't want you to be my dirty little secret," he finally murmured softly.

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line. And then: “Stars, don’t say it like that or I might reconsider,” Fingon teased gently, but his voice was affectionate.

"Fine," Maedhros rolled his eyes, but his tone of voice was even softer, if that was possible. "I want to walk down the street holding your hand. Is that better?"

“Yeah,” Fingon replied with a strange undertone to his voice. “I… yeah, I’d like that.” He laughed a little, a happy yet disbelieving sound. “Wow.”

Yes. Yes, that was what Maedhros wanted. What he was going to get, no matter what anyone said or wrote about them.

"Yes," he said gently, out loud this time, and rolled onto his back again to smile up at the ceiling. "It does sound good, doesn't it."

Fingon hummed quietly in reply, and Maedhros was rather sure that, for a moment, they were both basking in the promise of what was to come. The thought, however, eventually led him to another point they hadn’t talked about yet. “Hey,” he spoke up quietly, a small frown forming on his face, “what do you think your family is going to say?”

There was a short pause at the other end of the line. "To be honest… I think it's gonna help a lot," Fingon replied eventually. "It's just… You know, I’m tired of making up a story every time I spend the night at your place. And I think by now everybody knows - or strongly suspects - that there is some mystery boyfriend. No one's pressing me, but I believe Nana feels a bit concerned I haven't told her. Or anyone, really."

Maedhros wasn’t entirely sure what exactly he had expected. But it wasn’t this.

“You never told me,” he murmured quietly, without any accusation in his voice.

“Hm. I guess not.” Another short pause. “Well, I… it’s something that hadn’t bothered me much until very recently. And also I didn’t want you to… I guess I didn’t want to nag and then be responsible if your father, I don’t know, goes totally ballistic and disinherits you or whatever.”

Maedhros could feel the corners of his own mouth twitch softly, but if he was entirely honest with himself, before tonight, this had been a scenario he had found rather likely. Not for nothing had he been scared of his father finding out for ages.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, wishing Fingon was here so he could pull him close and into his arm, settle him against his side and breathe in the scent of his hair. “And you’re sure your father will be alright with it?”

“I’ll find out, won’t I?” Fingon said lightly. “But I’m not concerned, really. They know already that we spend time with each other. And I know my father likes you. ‘The most reasonable of the Fëanorian madhouse’ was what he said, I think.”

“Did he now,” Maedhros chuckled, a warm feeling blooming slowly in his chest.

Maybe his boyfriend was right and there was no reason to be worried. He’d know best after all, right? 

And then some soft noise outside his door caught Maedhros’ attention. It was just a short moment, just a creak in the floor and something like a hushed giggle, and he would have probably missed it if Fingon hadn’t been silent for a moment as well. But having grown up with several younger brothers, Maedhros was highly sensitive to any eavesdropping attempts.

Those little pests.

“Are you going to tell them today?” he wanted to know, but while speaking, he silently rolled off the bed, feet making no sound as they hit the thick, fluffed up carpet spread out next to the bed.

Even while listening to Fingon’s “Yeah… maybe over dinner when everyone’s fed and in a good mood…” Maedhros crossed the room as soundlessly as possible and, once he reached the door, abruptly yanked it open. As expected, Celegorm fell into the room with a surprised sound. He might have regained his balance if not for the twins who toppled over him and ungracefully sent him to the ground.

“Ouch… Pityo, get off of my back, you little -”

“I’m Telvo!” 

“You’re squeezing my hand, Tyelko… ouch…”

Not surprisingly, Maedhros spotted the rest of his brothers in the back, Curufin rolling his eyes in annoyance, Carathir defiantly crossing his arms, while Tyelpë was giggling happily, half hidden behind Maglor’s leg. Maglor was the only one who had the decency to look at least a little guilty.

“I tried to stop them, but…”

Maedhros didn’t believe him for a second.

“What were you all expecting to hear? Phone sex?” He barely kept himself from rolling his eyes, glancing from one brother to the next as they picked themselves off the ground or were already retreating back downstairs. “Get lost, all of you. If I catch any of you at this again, you’re grounded,” Maedhros called after them, making sure that even Curufin and Caranthir heard him.

“You’re the worst spoilsport ever,” Celegorm yelled back even while retreating, “and for the record, I’ll tell everyone at school you and Fin are boning!”

Maedhros heard Fingon chuckle at the other end of the line. “Yeah, tell Tyelko he might want to reconsider that. Unless, of course, he wants me to start raving about his brother’s gorgeous big cock and what a hot stud he is in bed every time he’s within earshot.”

Stars.

“Please don’t,” Maedhros half sighed, half laughed, closing the door again once he was satisfied that none of his brothers had lingered. “But I suppose I’ll find a way to let him know of your threat.”

Fingon laughed in that carefree way Maedhros loved so much. “That was the idea. And don’t worry…” His voice dropped just a little with his next words, giving them a suggestive note, “that’s my dirty little secret. And one I am very happy to keep.”

With a grin widening on Maedhros’ lips, he made his way back over to the bed and gave his boyfriend a low, appreciative hum.

“But you can tell me more about that, surely…?”

“Tell you about what…?” Fingon asked playfully naive and Maedhros could just picture the broad grin on his face. “Oh, right. That. Mhm… what do you want to hear, baby? How I touched myself last night, thinking about you? That kind of secret?”

Grin widening, Maedhros let himself fall back onto the bed.

“Just that kind of secret.”