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“…I remember what you did.”
Lilith’s breath caught for a moment, before she shook her head and exhaled. Of course Luz did, why wouldn’t she? Why was she so surprised to hear her say it aloud when this had been Lilith’s assumption the entire time?
“…Yes. I… also remember what I’ve done. And while I can’t-”
“I’m not talking about using me as a meat shield. Or trying to skewer me… Or everything else with Eda.”
Lilith raised an eye, but let Luz keep speaking. She’d messed up so many times that it was only natural there was a mistake here or there that she forgot, a mistake she didn’t bother considering the consequences of, but it ended up being far more impactful than she could’ve ever imagined. It came as quite the shock to realize that Eda hadn’t been distant with her all those years because of the curse, but because of her association with and support of Belos…
Perhaps it was best to just listen out what others had to say, instead of assuming, or hoping, she had it all figured out.
“How you messed up. How you hurt Eda, and me… And how you tried to force her to be someone she’s not. But also…”
Luz sighed, and shook her head for a moment. “…I also remembered, mostly, how you turned around… How you changed your heart. Obviously I’m not sure if you totally understand it all, or if you’re just glad to be with your sister again, but… It means a lot to me. That you stopped hurting Eda and finally listened to her.”
Lilith briefly betrayed a smile, before steeling herself. Why make herself feel happy and proud of this- Did she deserve some kind of trophy or medal for doing the bare minimum of what a family member should do, after all these pointless, wasted years? Lilith had remembered Edalyn talking of her own life before Luz being wasted… While Lilith couldn’t quite judge a life she had been so distant from, she could at least say the same for her own existence, perhaps.
“I… I thought about what you did. About your change of heart, when I recorded that message to my mother. When I decided to start telling the truth, and…” Luz blinked rapidly, and shuddered, not out of apprehension but as if there was some inherent energy to her that just needed to be released, like all of these emotions and thoughts she was disclosing right about now. “And obviously, with the portal gone, my mami WILL notice my absence, and then I’ll need an explanation… And after almost losing her permanently, I don’t think I could go back to lying about this place, about Eda and King and Amity…”
Amity? Lilith wasn’t sure what her protégé had to do with this. She dimly wondered what the girl was up to…
“…But at the same time- When I was recording that video, when I came clean, when I made the decision to create it.” Luz hesitated. “…I was thinking of you. Of what you did… My mom isn’t exactly the most supportive of me at times, but she DOES try.”
Lilith had no idea what Luz was speaking of, and though she’d already reprimanded herself over assumptions, she immediately assumed that whatever Luz’s ‘mami’ had done, it couldn’t have been anywhere closeto Lilith’s past regrets.
“A-And, I was kind of afraid…” Luz’s eyes began to blink rapidly and Lilith felt awkward and wondered if she should swoop in with some reassurance, or if it that was being too sudden and overstepping her boundaries. Luz steeled herself once more. “…That she wouldn’t accept me. That she wouldn’t accept THIS,” And she vaguely gestured around.
Lilith had no idea how humans functioned, but she imagined that the Boiling Isles must be quite the culture shock to them. Then again, her only frame of reference was Luz, and she could be unusual… Whether or not this was a human, or a Luz thing, she had no idea.
“She’d already done many other things, small things… Nowhere close to what YOU did, but it still hurt.”
Lilith nodded sagely, swallowing- Exactly as she’d suspected, right. She was going to have to be mindful around Luz here as well. It was like stepping onto a rigged Grudgby field.
“…But I KNOW she loves me. That she wants me to be happy,” Luz continued solemnly. She was no longer facing Lilith. “So when I decided to record that video, it was because I had hope… And I had hope that she’d turn around, that no matter how far she went, she’d eventually realize the truth because she’s my mami, and that’s how it’s supposed to be, right?”
Lilith winced, but nodded in agreement. If this ‘mami’ of Luz did not support her, she would at least help Edalyn in giving Luz the support she DID deserve, and make a point that Luz didn’t have to forgive her mami or anything; After all, Lilith didn’t expect anyone to forgive her…
“So when you turned around? When you decided to change your mind? It… I thought about that. A LOT, it made… quite an impression on me, to be honest.”
Lilith stared.
“…When I told the truth, I was thinking of YOU,” Luz finally turned back to look at Lilith with both eyes, and they stared at one another, one less certain than the other. “And what YOU did… And what you did Lilith, it gave me hope.”
Lilith’s eyes widened.
“And I feel like a part of me has to thank you for this, like there’s some weird, twisted relief that doesn’t even make any SENSE, like…!” Luz’s hands began shuddering and waving in the air as she gestured aimlessly, trying to make a point or at least convey the effort of one. “You’re the person who used me as a meat shield, then tried to skewer me on some spikes! And, I’ll give you some leeway there, you didn’t realize then how fragile us humans can be…”
Lilith cringed at her past ignorance, but nodded anyway.
“Really, it’s what you did to Eda that makes me confused, and sad, and angry and uncertain. It feels silly and wrong to feel this kind of gratitude towards someone who hurt Eda like this, the person who hurt her more than anyone else because you were her sister…”
Luz hugged her knees, and then looked up at Lilith, her eyes wide and shuddering.
“…But in that moment, Lilith, what you did gave me hope, and courage, to reach out to my mother- Or at least not be like you, and… I should thank you for this, at least once!” Luz declared, wrenching her eyes as she began forcing it out. “It just wouldn’t sit right with me not to acknowledge this one thing you did, that you weren’t supposed to do, but you did it anyway, even if you never meant it!”
Lilith’s eyes were wide and she was at a loss for words. She’d never been much for such open gestures of emotion, either the Emperor’s Coven had been comfortable with its cold professionalism because of this, or conditioned her for that to begin with, but also…
Mostly, she just felt guilty- Like this girl now felt indebted towards Lilith, for doing the bare minimum of what she was obligated to do, as a sister! She hoped sincerely that she wasn’t going to lower Luz’s standards or anything, and considered reminding Luz to be more wary… But she was also being genuine here, and it felt rude to interrupt and downplay Luz’s gesture here.
Part of Lilith felt touched, she really did. But a part of her felt even guiltier, like what did she do to earn this sort of gratitude, that others had already done without any expectation?
“THANK YOU, Lilith!” Luz closed her eyes and furiously nodded in her direction for a bit, curling up her fists. Her shoulders seemed to sag now that she’d gotten it off of her chest, that there was peace now, and maybe they could just go back to being neutral at best for the timebeing, with nothing else to be said… Nothing for Luz to do but passively receive Lilith’s efforts by this point. Lilith could better see, now, why Luz was disclosing this information, so soon and so suddenly- The girl no longer owed her anything.
That was the reason for this, right? That Lilith had done something technically unconditional, technically unrelated to her obligations or the situation… A stray favor that she wasn’t already supposed to give out; So technically speaking, Luz was obligated to at least thank her back, or at least felt burdened by the idea. Lilith would never hold it to her, nor did she think Eda and King would… And she could’ve never known what she did to Luz- But Luz would’ve known, and even as the only one with this knowledge, it wouldn’t have sat right with her to not confront it.
She was already being so much more mature than Lilith, wasn’t she? It wasn’t her place to take pride, but Lilith at least felt happy that this girl, whoever she was, wouldn’t be at all like her…
Luz huffed. “What you did inspired me, in a sense. And I think, even if my mami doesn’t accept me… I’ll at least be happier and more open for it. You gave me hope, not just when I recorded that video, but also when you brought back Owlbert and decided to help rescue Eda. And obviously THAT incident was all your fault, but…”
Luz looked up at Lilith and smiled, a bit uncertainly, but with still some genuine warmth beneath it all. “…It’s a start, y’know?”
…Lilith stared, and then sighed.
“…I should be thanking YOU, Luz.”
Luz stared.
“…You speak a lot of me inspiring you to change your heart. But in all honesty, I was just doing what I was supposed to do, long ago… What I’d always been too much of a coward to confront head-on. You’re just a child…”
And Lilith didn’t mean it in a condescending way; Rather, that Luz was too young to be expected to be this responsible, to have to make this kind of burdening decision. Her life should be simpler and easier than that, there should be no doubt in Luz’s heart over being accepted by a family member. Lilith knew this much, at least now.
“If I may be honest Luz, it’s YOU who inspired me… I saw how much you cared for Edalyn, how passionately concerned you were for her. I saw the grief in your eyes, and in just a few weeks, it seems you were feeling more strongly for her pain than I ever had, even now as I share the curse with her…” Lilith stared at her palms, which seemed to betray just the faint hints of wrinkling. Was it really her half of the curse, or her regrets catching up to her that made her so exhausted? Possibly both.
“And…” Lilith hesitated, but decided to go through with it anyway. She felt uncertain about being so frank and blunt with her feelings, but on the other hand, not saying things as they were, not reaching out and admitting how she felt… That’d been part of the reason why Eda left her, right? The REAL reason, no less…!
“…You, saying you were inspired by me? Or at least, you used me as some form of guidance on what NOT to do, it… it means a lot. And… you, too, give me hope.” Lilith finally conceded. It felt painful and awkward to say it aloud, like she was stumbling through her words, and a part of her wondered where she needed to clarify and properly convey what she REALLY meant. “…You’ve given me hope, just now, that my existence is not just meaningless pain… But that I can do at least something right, and provide for another.”
Lilith shrugged. “Maybe I’m not just a screw-up. Or maybe, I can at least be something more… I know I’ve caused irreparable damage between me and Edalyn’s relationship, and I hesitate to be so bold and arrogant… But if you say that I DID help with you and your mother, then maybe I can continue to do the right thing. Not just for you, and you don’t have to accept my help… But for Edalyn as well.”
Luz swallowed uncertainly, and her voice was fraught with emotion.
“…That’d be NICE,” she agreed after a while. “I’d like to see that. Like I said, my main issue is what you did to your own sister… But it’s also my main reason for not outright hating you, you know?”
Lilith nodded. “I do. I’ll try… I won’t mess this up. If your mother doesn’t provide you the guidance and acceptance you need, I’ll at least try to help you find it, maybe not with me, but certainly with Edalyn… Maybe I can even try to convince your mother to change her mind, if you would let me.”
Luz choked a little. “That’d.. ALSO be nice,” She repeated.
“But… this is all in the scenario that your mother doesn’t immediately accept it. But after seeing how much Edalyn cares for you, how strong your love and compassion has been in just a few weeks, against the decades I’ve been her sister…” Lilith continued, looking at Luz in the eyes this time. “…I can’t say for sure, and I shouldn’t assume; But I think your mother would also be touched by you, Luz.”
Luz stared, wide-eyed, and Lilith sighed.
“If you can change the heart of someone like ME,” She summed it up bluntly, her hand tracing over the crystal embedded into her dress. “…Then you could certainly change the heart of what sounds to be a far more accepting and unconditionally loving parent. Your concerns ARE valid after what you’ve seen me do… But I think it’s safe to say that even if any disagreement exists, it won’t last in the end.”
Lilith tried for a smile. Titan, this felt weird and awkward, a part of her wanted to rush through this and get it over with like any formality, but this meant a lot more, especially since she would be rooming with this girl, or at least getting to understand Edalyn more; And that meant understanding her decisions in life… Like her decision to love Luz, more than she loved her own sister.
Obviously Lilith had done a lot to drive away Edalyn, and that was BEFORE the truth of who cursed her came to light. But what Eda did wasn’t just picking the less painful option between Luz and Lilith… That fateful duel, there was something there, a vigorous passion and fervor, a powerful love for this random stranger that Lilith never could’ve imagined.
Lilith never imagined Edalyn having friends, at least not any serious ones… Because she’d never been THAT close to her own sister, after all!
…Well. Lilith now understood HALF the reason for that. Now it was time to learn the rest… It seems Luz had a lot more to teach her than just outdated spell glyphs, it seemed.
Luz’s face went red, and her eyes briefly cycled through gratitude, before realization that this WAS the traitor who cursed her own sister and tried to shove her through a spike… But then she cycled back to happiness again, because it just seemed like this girl could not dwell on negativity for too long. And if she couldn’t, then why should Lilith? Luz said Lilith inspired hope in her, and that…
That gave Lilith hope for herself.
“…Thanks, Lilith.”
That was the second time Luz had thanked her. Maybe the third, if you counted Lilith’s change of heart for Edalyn, although that was to be expected.
“Thank you, Luz- For everything.”