Work Text:
As he walked to the station, Gwaine couldn’t help but feel like he was making the most terrible decision of his life.
The rain was coming down in buckets, stamping his hair to his forehead and probably drenching his rucksack, which was nowhere near as waterproof as it once had been, all the way through to his back. He’d been splashed three times by passing cards going too fast in the puddles in their race to get home. The sky was grey, the buildings were grey and the chewing gum splattered onto the pavements was so old that it, too, was now grey.
The train would be grey. The train station would be grey. Gwaine’s heart was grey. Clearly his judgement and his decisions were all grey if he was questioning them like this. Not only was he walking away from a warm flat with central heating, enough spare blankets that both he and Merlin had been warm in their separate sleeping places the night before and an oven that would still be warm from heating up the toast they'd eaten that morning- because Merlin had worked out it was cheaper than buying a toaster- he was also walking away from Merlin.
Merlin, that skinny gangly sprawling boy with ears a size too big and a heart big enough to hold the whole town, with perfect skin and swirling eyes and hair almost as good as Gwaine’s own. Merlin whose laugh gave Gwaine butterflies, whose smile made his head buzz with serotonin, Merlin whose fingers were long and pale, Merlin who was the most wonderful person Gwaine had ever met, who was magical and mystical and mischievous and…
Gwaine had a sneaking feeling that Merlin was quite possibly the love of his life, even though he'd only known him for a few days. He had an even bigger feeling- one that kept on growing and becoming harder and harder to ignore- that he would regret this, would regret lacing his shoes and putting his hood up and walking down every flight of stairs the block of flats could create with Merlin behind him, shivering slightly coz he hadn’t put on a thick enough jumper. He would regret the brief hug at the doorway, regret waving as he walked away while Merlin stood just outside the entrance to the lobby, watching him go, regret looking up the train timetables, regret walking through the rain for a train that was going to take him hundreds and hundreds of miles away from this town and that boy.
Gwaine was no stranger to decisions that were rash or impulsive or reckless, ill-thought out, ill planned, regrettable, life changing. There had been several other times where he had felt he was making the biggest mistake of his life but he had never really cared about it before.
He did this time.
He cared and it hurt him, bitter and biting and tugging at his lips as he fought the urge to bite them, made his feet feel heavy to try and stop him from walking, head itch to look at his watch to see if he could go back to Merlin’s without missing the rain, or even just stay there to wait for the next one.
He passed a road sign pointing to the station and his hands got clammy. He took a deep breath and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other.
The thought of Merlin wouldn’t leave his mind.
If he didn’t catch this train, there wasn’t another one for six hours and then that was it for two weeks. If he got the later train, ti was going to take an extra day to get home. Or, rather, to his own flat, which wasn't much of a home at all.
Merlin’s flat had felt like home.
Gwaine swore and turned around to go back to Merlin’s.
He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t leave without seeing Merlin again, couldn’t go without hearing the sound of his voice one more time, couldn’t go without holding Merlin in his arms and kissing him and telling him-
Gwaine had no idea what to tell him but he knew he had to tell him something.
His decision soared through him and acted as a shield to the rain and the cold and the consequences. He picked his pace up, shouldered his rucksack, ignored the sopping strap, splashed through the puddles with no care for his shoes.
A figure rounded the corner in front of him, a figure running in a bright blue jumper that wasn't thick enough with his arms wrapped tightly around his middle. “Gwaine!”
“Merlin!” Gwaine started to run towards him. His hood fell down and he got a face full of rain. “Merlin, what are you doing out here? You’ll drown like that!”
“I couldn’t let you go.” Merlin said, teeth chattering. “I couldn’t just let you go, I-”
They reached each other and Gwaine wrapped his arms around Merlin, pulled him to his chest. “I know.”
Merlin stared at him with wide eyes, panting. “The train station’s the other way.”
“You’re this way.” Gwaine said desperately. “You’re this way, Merlin, and I don’t think I want to catch that train.”
“Are you gonna get the next one?”
“I don’t think I want to get a train out of here at all.” the rain was thick and heavy and dripping off the end of his nose. “Merlin, I-” his words weren’t ready yet, so he used his mouth for kissing instead.
It was messy and wet and Merlin was shivering under Gwaine’s hands. He tasted of toothpaste and salt; Gwaine pulled away to find tears mingling with the rain on Merlin’s cheeks. “I thought I was going to lose you.”
“You’re not, I promise you.” Gwaine stroked his face. “Merlin, I think I’m going to fall in love with you.”
“I think I already have.”
And after hearing that, how could Gwaine not have kissed him again and again before they ran- hand-in-hand- back to Merlin’s flat and the dry to kiss some more?