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It’d been a long day. Deucalian had died, Scott and Malia almost did too. Derek had been tortured in some black site and Stiles had gotten there just in time to get him out. There was something out there that had been bringing life to their absolute, worst fears, then killing them when they couldn’t look away. Oh, and Gerard’s hunters had been after them too. So, everything was royally fucked. Stiles could see it in the way that Scott wrapped around Derek as soon as he saw him like he would have fallen apart without it. In the way that Malia looked like she wanted to cry. In the way that Peter and Lydia stood by like for the first time, they didn’t know what to do with themselves. They couldn’t come up with a plan. They were helpless, as everyone they’ve ever cared for – including themselves – died or came too close to it.
They decided to regroup at the Stilinski’s. The sheriff and Melissa were in the kitchen, trying to feel useful, give them something else to focus on that didn’t feel like the world ending everywhere around them. Scott and Malia went to freshen up in the bathroom after their run-in with the hunters. Stiles went to change and unpack, knowing that he probably wouldn’t be able to go back to the FBI for a long time. If ever. He had to find a way to be okay with that too. Because it was the only place he’d felt he belonged, loved what he was doing and loved who he was becoming, and he had to give that up, had to lose it. But if it was that or his friends, then he would choose to lose the FBI – despite it being his life-long dream – a thousand times over.
He turned when there was someone by his door. It was Derek, and he was immediately backing out, leaving.
“ Wait, hold on, did you need something?” Stiles questioned, realizing he’d been standing there, staring down at his white button-down shirt for an abnormally long time.
“ No, it’s fine. I was just trying to find somewhere quiet, have a couple of minutes for myself.” Derek said, stepping back, everything about him wanting to escape, wishing he never had to come back to Beacon Hills.
“ Come in, I’ll finish this up later. You can have the room.”
“ You don’t have to do that, it’s not a big deal. I can just – “
“ Derek, come on, dude.” Stiles opened the door when Derek went to close it, grabbed Derek’s arm before he could pull it away. Derek seemed to be too tired to put any more fight where it didn’t need to be so he sighed, walked into the room, and fell into the bed like all his threads gave out at once. Stiles silently removed his clothes off the bed, put the bags by the window, and turned to leave.
“ Are you okay?” Stiles asked, feeling like he wasn’t doing enough, like he was ignoring the signs of something unkind and scary. Derek smiled, all self-depreciating and bitter.
“ I really don’t want to be here.” Derek threw himself back, laying down with his legs dangling over the end of the bed. Stiles nodded, like he understood. He wished he didn’t have to be there either.
“ You can go, you know. You can still get out before things get any worse.”
“ No, I can’t. And I wouldn’t do that, even if it was a possibility.”
“ Why not?”
“ Because I am not just going to leave you here to die. Jesus, Stiles, is that what you think of me?” Derek sat up again, eyebrows furrowed.
“ No, no, that’s not what I meant. But – if we’re going to die anyway, if this town is going to be the end of us, why not get out before it gets you too?”
“ What would be the point then? If I’m the only one who makes it out, again, why the fuck would I want that?” Stiles’ eyes widened in sheer horror. He wasn’t scared of Derek, hadn’t been for a while now, but he was scared for him. Because time had gone by and he still hated himself just the same for surviving.
“ Derek,” Stiles whined, like he was despairing for Derek. “ I’m – shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t – I didn’t think. I know you would do all you can to protect us. I – I know you would have given anything to be able to save them too.” Derek nodded, feeling things crawling up his throat that he didn’t trust, didn’t know how they’d come out so he shoved them back down, for another time.
“ I – I’ll let you be, then.”
“ Why don’t you just go back to the FBI? Why did you even come for me? You could have looked the other way, no one would have known about it or judged you for it.”
“ Are you saying this just to be a dick? Because I get it, I was out of line.” There was a hint of a smile across Stiles’ face, as if assuring Derek that he wouldn’t be mad if he was doing this as payback. He deserved it. Derek silently shook his head, genuinely wondering.
“ I can’t go back because everyone I love is here, and they’ve been going through this thing without telling me because they wanted me to live out my dream. And I got to do that, for a few months, because of them. But now, I have to be there for them, whether we win or lose, I can’t not try to help. I can’t just abandon them. Especially since my dad is part of it too and – there’s no way in hell I’ll let anything happen to him, if I can help it.”
“ And me?”
“ What about you?”
“ Why did you come for me? Knowing that it would jeopardize your chances of ever being part of the FBI again.”
“ Because I know you and you’re not the criminal they thought you were. You don’t deserve to be put away for the rest of your life or – or tortured for information that they would never even believe. You were out, Derek, and you were going after a life that you could never find here and – “
“ I wasn’t. I – a lot happened out there. As it turns out, it didn’t have much to do with Beacon Hills. I am just – fucked no matter where I am.” Derek sounded haunted, so faraway, like he was struggling to connect to his surroundings. To the conversation he was having with Stiles. Stiles sat back down next to Derek, closer this time, trying to offer something with his proximity.
“ There’s nothing wrong with you, Derek – “ Derek snorted, looking at Stiles like he was a madman. “ I’m serious. It’s not your fault shitty things keep happening to you. You’re a good person. One of the best fucking men I’ve ever met and you have a good heart. You give all you have to those you care for and you try to shield them from all the bad in the world, although you’ve seen more bad than good. I can think of very few people who deserve this shit less than you. But it is what it is, and we can talk about all the good things you deserve all we want, doesn’t mean they will always come. But if they don’t, that doesn’t mean you didn’t earn them. Because, honestly, you’ve earned yourself a lifetime or two of just good things.” Derek was staring at Stiles in bewilderment, in wonderment. He didn’t understand how he could believe in him so much. In anything, after being through what he’d gone through and seeing what he’d seen. Because Stiles had lost too, maybe not in the way that Derek had, but – he knew what it was like. He went through the wringer that was grief, was torn apart from the inside, was carved out and left there to wish to die for the rest of time. It blew Derek’s mind a little, that Stiles could still find hope. In him or – for him.
“ You really think that, huh?”
“ I’m pretty sure of it, yeah.” Stiles’ head moved into a single certain nod, before Derek’s arms were circling around him, his body crashing against his like it was craving the support, like it would fall apart without it. Stiles moved his hands around Derek’s back and held on, putting his nose into Derek’s shoulder. They didn’t say anything, because what was there to say? The world was collapsing onto itself and they had nothing to do but watch as their lives unraveled, came undone. Derek’s breathing was quickening, like he was chasing after something or – maybe he was running away. Then, something like a cry fell against Stiles’ back. Derek resituated his head, put his face into Stiles’ neck to try to muffle whatever was bleeding out of him. Stiles just squeezed tighter, trying to get more out of Derek, allowing him the opportunity to just let go. Let himself burst at the seams. And he did. It sounded like he was splintering away, cracking for all the years he couldn’t.
When Derek’s breathing started evening out, and he went to wipe his face down, Stiles’ grip let up a little, allowing him the space to do that too. He pulled himself away when he was ready, wiping his face again in case you could still see signs of his previous unbecoming. His eyes were evading Stiles, pinned on a hole in the carpet. His head felt heavy. He was tired in ways he hadn’t allowed himself to be in years. Stiles put his hand on Derek’s shoulder, didn’t put any real pressure behind it. It was just a grounding thing – a silent promise to stay.
“ I – I’m sorry.” Derek’s voice sounded rough, like he’d cried it raw.
“ You’ve got a really cute crying face, you know that?” Derek lifted his eyes then, scanned Stiles’ face for any sort of judgment, although he knew it wouldn’t be there.
“ I’m not cute. And I wasn’t crying.” Derek frowned extra hard, tried for intimidating but felt nowhere close. Stiles snorted, shook his head slightly.
“ Okay, buddy, after the day we’ve had, I’ll let you have this one. I’ll go distract everybody downstairs and you just – you stay here for as long as you need to, okay? Take your time, I won’t let anyone bother you.” Derek didn’t know what to say, and he didn’t want to throw himself on Stiles again because he didn’t think he’d be able to pull away this time. So, he gave something like a smile, took off his shoes and sat back against the headboard. Stiles headed to the door, had it half opened, before Derek spoke again.
“ Thank you, Stiles. I – yeah. Thanks.”
“ Anytime, dude.” Stiles closed the door behind him, went back into the kitchen with his best game face on. He just had to push through, for his dad and for Scott and – for Derek. He had to make it through this fucking day, then whatever happened next, they would just deal with. They always did.
The sheriff asked Stiles why he didn’t change like he said he would, and Stiles looked down like he hadn’t noticed, shrugged, and went to help Melissa by the stove. Scott and Malia were in the living room, with Peter, Lydia, Liam, Mason and Cory. The sheriff wasn’t doing much in the kitchen now that Melissa and Stiles were handling things, but he was having trouble detaching from his son, knowing that he’d come so close to losing him, after thinking he would never have to again. Every time Stiles looked in his father’s general direction, he found his eyes already on him, something soft and loving in them. He didn’t question it, he just smiled, turned back to whatever Melissa was ordering him to do. He didn’t think he was ready to be away from his dad either.
Derek brought his knees to his chest, made himself as small as possible, needing some form of comfort. He looked out the window in Stiles’ room, thought of all the times he jumped through it. When he couldn’t go to his own home because Kate and the hunters were waiting. When Jackson was out of control and no one knew what he was or how to stop him. When Cora was sick and dying and the sheriff was taken and Derek didn’t know how to stop any of it from happening. When Allison died and Derek could smell Stiles’ tears from so many blocks away. When Aiden died and Stiles still looked like he was dying and Derek was scared out of his mind that he would. That he would have to lose him too. Derek realized that this house had been a refuge to him; a home after his had burned down. A place where he felt safe, where everything that was wrong with the world felt less.. overpowering. Somewhere he could go and just – exist, without feeling like he would have to give any more pieces of himself away. Or maybe, it wasn’t the place at all. Maybe it was the person. Maybe Stiles just made him feel better about himself and his life and the fuckery that was this town. Maybe that was why he felt like he was losing more than just his friends when he had to leave Beacon Hills. Maybe Stiles was what he missed most.
Derek didn’t know how long it had been, but when he blinked, the sky was moonless and starless, but a darker shade of navy than he’d seen it last. He heard music blasting through the house, voices loud and joyful as they sang along. It sounded like some sort of celebration. Derek couldn’t possibly think of a reason why anyone would feel up for that. He stood from Stiles’ bed, went down the stairs, and everyone was jumping up and down, eyes closed, as the lyrics were yelled out, completely out of tune too. Derek’s eyebrows furrowed, but then, his eyes fell on his sister, dancing with Malia and Peter, and Derek was immediately pushing through the crowd, until he was wrapped around her. She laughed, turned in his arms to face him before leaving a kiss on his cheek. Derek thought this had to be a dream or a hallucination or – something.
“ What are you doing here?”
“ Heard you were in trouble again. So, here I am.”
“ But I – who told you?” Cora looked through the dancing crowd, pointed at the sheriff who had an arm on Stiles’ shoulder and another on Scott’s, looking a little winded but so.. happy.
“ The sheriff called you? He has your number?”
“ He called everybody. Look around.” He did. The group of people he left earlier were all the same, but now, Ethan and Jackson were kissing by the kitchen, Kira was trying not to look too flustered as Scott sang at her, Isaac and Chris were talking to Melissa by the dining table. Everyone was there. Everyone came.
“ I don’t – I can’t believe you’re here.” Cora melted against her brother’s chest, let him hold onto her for a while, but then his eyes fell on Stiles’, and he was smiling at him, singing some Miley Cyrus song at the top of his lungs, and Derek felt a tug. Some gravitating force willing him to approach, pulling at him until he couldn’t do anything but release his sister, walk towards Stiles. Stiles’ grin widened, letting his father’s arm find someone else to cling to, as he met Derek somewhere in between.
“ What are you doing? What is all of this?”
“ Just dance, Derek. Don’t think about it.” Stiles pulled Derek by the hands when he remained stiff, confused, and unmoving. Stiles started swaying Derek’s arms around like he was dancing with a child, trying to teach him how to do something he was never taught to. Perhaps, that was the case with Derek. He couldn’t remember a time when he got to do this; release and live and let himself be. He’d been on fight-or-flight mode since his family died right in front of him, and he forgot how to stop. He didn’t think he could afford to mellow down or even slow just a little to allow himself the time to catch up.
Derek’s frown started melting away when Stiles threw his arms around his neck, his body swaying left and right, moving to a completely different melody than what everyone else was singing along to.
Derek couldn’t quite hear the lyrics anymore, didn’t notice the songs changing, because Stiles was breathing right into his space, and his heart was beating loud and free, and everything felt right. Derek felt alive, and for once, the realization didn’t scare him half to death. Once his body reacted to Stiles’, imitating his motion, Stiles gave him a toothy grin, turning in his arms so that his back was against Derek’s front, his arms still around Derek’s neck. Stiles looked up at him, eyes bright and shining. Derek didn’t know what to do with himself. He couldn’t look away.
“ We could all get killed any time now.” Derek whispered, but his voice wasn’t scared or angry or even stressed. He was simply noting, that death could be closing in on them. That everything could happen right then, but he didn’t think he had it in him to care. Not when Stiles was looking at him the way he was.
“ We could. We probably will.”
“ And you’re good with that?” Derek’s eyebrows shot up, astonished. He never thought Stiles could be this calm and chill about something so horrible possibly happening to everyone he loved.
“ If they’re going to kill us anyway, we might as well have fun with the little time we have left with each other.”
“ Are you listening to yourself? You’re just giving up?”
“ I’m not. Look at these people, Derek. Isaac came back from fucking France because my dad told him we could use some help. Chris didn’t even have to think about returning to the place that took everyone from him. Ethan and Jackson, they’re class A assholes, but they got on the first flight from England and came, without knowing for sure if they would ever be able to go back to their lives. Cora and Kira and – you and I. We left so much behind, forced ourselves into losing, because we felt there was something here that is still worth fighting for. There are people here who don’t deserve the shit that happens to them and – we all just want to do our part. Everyone I have ever given a fuck about is in this room, Derek. So, if I die, right here, right now, I’m good. I don’t mind dying for or with these people.” Derek blinked back the raw emotion of feeling like – like he belonged. He had a family again, people who would fight for him, people he would kill for. He had something to lose after thinking he was all out.
“ Are you going to start crying again?” Stiles teased, throwing his head back with laughter when Derek rolled his eyes. Derek poked Stiles’ side, watched as he laughed with his whole body.
“ I wasn’t crying. You’re such a dick.”
“ Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.” Derek nodded, trusting, believing. He tugged at Stiles’ waist, pulling a surprised yelp from him, as he felt their chests colliding, Stiles’ heart beating like it was trying to get out of his ribcage, fall into Derek’s instead.
“ Can I tell you another secret?” Derek whispered, his forehead barely touching Stiles’. Almost. Stiles nodded, blinking up at Derek.
“ I think I’m in love with you.” Stiles pulled his head away from Derek’s vicinity, his eyes searching, wanting. Derek stood there; certain, confident, convinced.
“ What are you – you’re not – you can’t be – “ Derek waited patiently for a complete thought to be verbalized, but Stiles continued to ramble under his breath.
“ Dance, Stiles. Don’t think about it.” Derek relayed Stiles words back to him. He threw his arm away, straightened it as far as it would go, before twirling Stiles back into his chest.
“ You’re serious?” Stiles questioned, with a confused frown on his forehead. Derek gave a single nod.
“ You’re not just saying this because we’re living in apocalyptic conditions and you’re high on panic and adrenaline?”
“ Do I look high on panic and adrenaline? Do I look high on anything?”
“ No. I mean – I don’t know. You really meant it? You – you like me? Like – proper?”
“ I don’t think I said that. I said that I am in love with you. Which, I am. So, are you good with that?” Stiles bit down on his lip, eyes falling away from Derek for a few seconds. He shook his head to himself, like he couldn’t quite believe it. With a what the hell attitude, he stood on his tiptoes, put his hands to Derek’s shoulders, and kissed him. Derek was stunned, despite him initiating this whole thing, he didn’t really think much would come out of it. He didn’t think Stiles would feel the same or – want to act upon it. Derek guessed too much was happening and it wasn’t the time or the place. Maybe, he wasn’t the person either.
Once Stiles went to detach his lips, Derek dove back in, his mind catching up with his lips. He knew he didn’t want to let go. He never wanted this moment to end. The only thing that brought them out of it, was the cheers, the whoops and the hoots coming from those around them. Stiles laughed into Derek’s mouth, pulling the chuckle right out of him, as he stood back, putting some distance between him and Derek but not much. Derek clasped the hand that was closest to him.
“ About damn time, dude.” Scott was the first to speak, squeezing Stiles’ shoulders like he was trying to rid him of any knots of doubts left. Derek looked to the side, pleased. Fuck, he couldn’t believe he’d kissed Stiles. Or, no – he couldn’t believe Stiles wanted to kiss him. Jackson and Lydia seemed to be teasing Stiles about it, he was rolling his eyes, but there was an unmistakable glow in his eyes, a flush to his cheeks that wasn’t there before. Ethan, Cora, and Isaac were forming a half circle around Derek, and he groaned out it’s just a fucking kiss, we’re not getting married, relax. But Stiles gave the hand he was holding a squeeze, looking over his shoulder with a smile, before letting the crowds separate them completely.
The music changed again, away from Miley Cyrus and more towards Abba. Derek shifted his weight between his feet, dancing in place. Cora loved watching Mamma Mia, so she was singing at the top of her lungs, right into Isaac’s ears. He didn’t seem to mind it that much. Stiles was standing in the middle of a circle of Scott, Jackson, Melissa, and the sheriff. He was singing to Melissa, faking accents to imitate the ones from the movie. Derek swore that whatever he was feeling before, he now felt tenfold. Derek closed his eyes, let the music carry him. He was sweating, overheated because werewolves usually were, but also because he’d been exerting physical effort while simultaneously worrying over whether or not it was worth it to let Stiles all the way in. He reckoned it was. Stiles would always be worth it.
He went to open his eyes, see if Stiles was still doing that thing with his mouth like he was trying to push out all the words between all the laughter, when he heard a single shot rushing past his ear, and then, they were thrown back into the world that was out to get them. Derek got down, made sure to pull Cora and Isaac with him. They crawled, finding the couch and laying low behind it. Derek’s eyes were immediately searching. Stiles was hidden behind the dinner table, they’d thrown it to the ground, used it as a shield. Stiles was telling something to his dad – arguing over something or the other. Derek couldn’t hear past the ringing in his ear from the bullet that had whooshed by. He waited – impatient and anxious, but then Stiles was glaring at him like he’d been looking for him too. Once their eyes met, Stiles’ lips started slowly curving upwards, lifting the rest of his face along with them. Stiles didn’t need to say that they would be okay for Derek to know that they would be. He felt fucking invincible right then.
Derek was the first to open the front door, roar at the hunters, fully shifted. The rest of the werewolves followed, without a second thought. Stiles and the sheriff went out, guns blazing, human as they were, they were just as strong. Chris, Melissa, and Mason went through the back door, planning on making a turn around the house and meeting them upfront. These hunters didn’t know what they were up against. They didn’t realize that these people had been taken apart and put back together so many times, there were pieces of each of them scattered around the others. They fit in ways shattered things shouldn’t be able to be, but they did. Maybe it was Stiles, always pouring good things into them every time they felt dried out. Putting kindness in places you would never even consider. Maybe it was the sheriff, representing everything each of them needed and more. It could have been Scott; with all the love he managed to give those who didn’t deserve it at times. It could have been Derek himself, with all the giving he was willing to do because he didn’t think he deserved to take.
About an hour later, those alive of the hunters had scattered. Chris, Isaac, and the sheriff went to deal with the mess of dead bodies. The rest of them went back into the house, to care for Kira since she’d gotten a shot to her arm, and Ethan had gotten one to the stomach. Stiles found the right type of wolfsbane, burned Ethan’s bullet wound out of him and then he was as good as new. Kira’s recovery would take a bit longer, she would probably be out of it for the rest of the day, but then she should be fine. They’d made it – through this one thing on the endless list of things going wrong in their lives – but still. They’d made it. And if Derek found Stiles on the couch and let his head drop onto his lap then that was his business. If Stiles wordlessly bent over him, like he was trying to keep the rest of the world away, then that was his.
They knew that tomorrow would probably be worse. That they still had to figure out how to beat that Anuk Ite creature without any of them turning into stone. That they had to come face to face with their worst fears and not let it terrorize them for the rest of their lives. They knew that this wasn’t over. But, for right now, Stiles was whispering how he was in love with Derek too, and they had a party, that didn’t end with something tragic and irreversible. It was a good day.