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“Get out of the goddamn car, Klaus.” Diego demanded, throwing his head back into the headrest with exhausted hopelessness. He’d been trying to coax his brother out for fifteen minutes, it was unbearable. Diego already had a pounding headache from spending time with him, he didn’t want to extend that window. Although he knew Klaus would practically shoot out of the car in exchange for cash, Diego loathed to enable him. It was a last possible resort. “Yo no hablo ingles.” Klaus threw his hands up faux apologetically. Diego was glaring at him so intensely that he could have had lasers shooting from his eyes. “Sal del auto.” Diego grunted, hoping playing along would get him to give up. “Je ne parle pas espagnol!” Klaus exclaimed, feigning ignorance. “You just spoke in fucking Spanish!” Diego groaned in anguish, longing to have remained a desolate Mexican orphan.
The plan to break into the academy to visit mom wouldn’t work with Klaus there. Last time they’d attempted such a thing, dad had ordered Luther to restrain Klaus, and apparently Klaus had panicked and kicked Number One in the dick. His one weak spot. It was difficult for Diego not to chuckle at the thought of Luther being kicked in the crotch, but he knew he had to stay surly to get Klaus to leave the car. They’d tried to trick their dad and brother last time, which may have been their downfall. Diego intended to just sneak in stealthily this time, plus he knew for a fact dad was on his monthly business trip... whatever the hell that was. The words “sneak” and “stealthily“ were alien to Klaus.
Diego would quite literally drag Klaus from the car, but he assumed the only reason he wouldn’t budge was because he depressingly had nowhere else to go. “I have somewhere to be.” Diego grunted, turning in his seat to face Klaus. His brother smiled dopily, as if Diego’s words had gone straight through one ear and out the other. “Get out!” Diego flicked his brother in the forehead. Klaus lazily flicked Diego back, but missed by several centimetres and flicked the air instead. “You don’t have anywhere to be.” Klaus scoffed, slumping back into his seat and making himself comfortable. “I have to go to work.” Diego lied, knowing he sounded sketchy as hell. “You just got fired!” Klaus chuckled, turning to the empty seat with a Can you believe this guy? face. “I got a new job.” Diego awkwardly replied, determined not to have Klaus tag along. “In the last ten hours?!” Klaus yelled with amused frustration, furrowing his brow at Diego’s obvious bullshit. He supposed that reaction was to be expected. It had been a terrible lie. Why did he ever tell Klaus when he’d been fired? His brother huffed, crossing his arms like a brat child who wanted their own way. That wasn’t even a simile, it was literally what he was. “Just leave me in the car, I’ll wait.” Klaus suggested flatly.
Diego wanted to tell him to fuck off, but his brother’s suggestion was so profoundly pathetic that he couldn’t bring himself to say it. “Fine.” he grunted begrudgingly, turning back to the steering wheel “But you’re not coming in.” Diego wasn’t sure why he’d bothered with that statement, since he knew Klaus would completely disregard it and follow along anyway. He was certain Klaus would be keen to join, since Diego wasn’t intending on entering through the dreaded front door.
—
Skulking towards one of the many street level exits, Diego kneeled to reach the lock - pulling out his ancient lock picking kit. He hadn’t really done this since they were in training... Diego felt barging in places was much cooler. He closed his eyes with despair as he smelled the disgusting stench of cigarettes. “Get back in the goddamn car!” he hissed, turning around to glare at his brother. Klaus clearly blew the smoke down to his face on purpose. Diego nearly whacked Klaus, but he knew the inherent melodramatic shriek would bring attention their way. “The car’s booooring.” Klaus whined, taking his cancer stick from his mouth purely to pout. “You were the one who wanted to stay in it.” Diego seethed, trying with all his might not to yell. Klaus shrugged, looking down to Diego’s kit and giggling. “Adorable,” his brother teased “but you don’t need to do that.” Klaus cockily waved the concept away.
Narrowing his eyes at his brother, Diego debated with himself whether he should trust Klaus. “I break in h-“ he began to yelp, before Diego furiously shushed him. Klaus raised his eyebrows jokingly, enjoying Diego’s anxiety. “I break in here all the time, I know the goddamn creaky floorboards.” Klaus whispered, evidently thrilled that he was becoming an invaluable asset.
—
After climbing up a fire escape with his brother, Diego’s heart was in his mouth. Klaus was like a newborn giraffe with dyspraxia. Creeping down the hall, Diego paused as he walked past Klaus’ old room. “When the fuck...” he drawlingly whispered, peering around the doorway. Diego swivelled to glower at his brother, angrily baffled that he’d had the nerve to knock down Vanya’s wall. When the hell did he even do that?! “It wasn’t like she was going to come back to visit!” Klaus hissed, sounding like he’d defended this decision many times before - though Diego wasn’t sure who to.
”See!” Ben exclaimed with relief, gesturing triumphantly to Diego. It was good to have someone else finally back him up. Klaus shoved his hand through Ben’s head pettily. “Asshole.” Ben muttered, long bored of that gesture.
Pretending not to notice Klaus’ apparent tic, Diego shook his head irately. He decided it would be too risky to get into an argument about it right now, since he was unsure if Luther or Pogo could hear them. Diego had to fight with himself not to trip Klaus up and sprint in the opposite direction, serving him up as a distraction for Number One. “Do you think mom will make us pancakes? She makes the best pancakes. Sometimes I dream about them and wake up disappoin-“ Diego harshly hushed his brother once again, hardly resisting throttling him. Klaus seemingly stole Diego’s idea and childishly tripped him up.
Watching Diego nearly face plant made Klaus wheeze so forcefully that he began to cough, sounding like an asthmatic who got too near to a pubescent boy who just discovered AXE body spray. “Enjoy your lung cancer.” Diego grouched under his breath, unfortunately regaining his balance with great ease. It took all of Klaus’ willpower not to trip him up again. His living brother rubbed at his eyes stressfully, clearly disgruntled by Klaus having the ill-manners to struggle to breathe. “My deepest apologies.” Klaus sarcastically snipped, considering purposefully coughing loudly just to make Diego shit his pants.
“She’s up here.” Ben yelled from over the staircase, pointing behind him to the portrait gallery. Klaus relayed the message to Diego, not even attempting to explain how he knew. He’d just be called a liar. Klaus stumbled off towards some of the old bastard’s trophy rooms, not wanting to face their mom - even though he was craving her delicious cooking. He was afraid of disappointing her, despite knowing she was a robot. “I’ll meet you by the car.” Klaus called over his shoulder, not even bothering to seek permission. He heard Diego blow aggravated air through his nose, almost causing another highly amused coughing fit.
—
Sneakily leaving the academy, through the door mom kindly unlocked for him, Diego hoped Klaus would’ve been too eager to pawn shit to actually have stuck around to invite himself to the apartment. Again. “You took so long!” Klaus moaned from where he was incredibly impolitely laid across the bumper, like the car was a goddamn recliner. Diego leaned down to grab a piece of gravel, immaturely throwing it to knock the cigarette from his brother’s mouth. Klaus groaned with dismay. He couldn’t let his brother stay over at his place another night, Diego would probably turn into Jack Torrence. “I’ll give you twenty dollars if you leave me alone.” he offered through gritted teeth, his eye comically twitching with vexation. Klaus grinned and threw his hands up, gesturing for him to throw the twenty into them. As Diego threw the bill, he vengefully aimed it at an angle that he hoped would give his brother a sizeable paper cut.