Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was the last week before the Christmas holidays started. Ryan Ross was daydreaming in English class. He was counting. It’s been a year. A whole year since Ryan realised he’s utterly in love with Brendon Urie. They didn’t speak to each other but Ryan would just secretly swoon over him every time he opened his mouth to participate in Advanced English – the only class they have in common. Patrick sits next to him at the back and there’s only a small walkway between their tables, keeping Brendon and Ryan apart. If Ryan stretched his arms out, he’d touch Brendon’s shoulders. He’s only half listening as Mr. Iero is writing some shit on the board about A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. Ryan’s already read it and made all his notes – he really couldn’t give a fuck about other people’s interpretation of the narrative. He’s just about to phase out completely again when he hears a small clutter beside him. He turns to see Brendon groaning to himself because he’s dropped his pen on the floor. He shuffles out of his chair and bends over to pick it up, ass sticking out. Ryan really tries not to look but he knows that he’s not just looking, he’s staring and Patrick nudges him as if to say ‘dude, don’t be so fucking obvious’ alas - it’s too late.

‘Ross!’ Mr Iero shouts, the whole class turning to stare at Ryan as Brendon stands up straight, ‘can you stare at Brendon’s ass on your own time please? Eyes on the board.’ The whole class sniggers and Mr Iero quickly shuts everyone up. Ryan is a deep shade of red by the time Brendon moves past him to regain his seated positon. He smiles at Ryan as he walks past. Ryan drops his eyes into the book trying not to peep out at him.

   The bell rings and class is dismissed as usual. Patrick and Ryan head out into the food hall where Pete, Jon, Spencer and Spencer’s girls are already eating. Pete’s face lights up like a Christmas Tree when Patrick sits down next to him. They hold hands under the table despite the fact it’s making it indefinitely more difficult for both of them to eat lunch. Patrick tells the others what just happened as Ryan is in the lunch line. They all laugh and are still laughing when Ryan sits down inbetween Spencer and Patrick.

‘It’s not a big deal,’ Ryan shrugs. ‘It was right in front of me, that’s all.’

‘Bullshit, Ry. We all know you masturbate to Brendon every night,’ Pete smirks.

‘I do not. Nothing, please keep your boyfriend under control,’ Ryan pouts.

Patrick laughs. They all call him Nothing because of Perks of Being A Wallflower – it’s an inside joke. Patrick shuts Pete up by bringing his lips to Pete’s and slowly slipping his tongue into Pete’s mouth. Most people were pretty accepting of their relationship. Maybe it was only because of Pete and Shane’s reputation but nobody really commented. There was always the odd collision though.

‘You two must be really hungry the way you’re eating each other’s faces, faggots,’ Brent spat across at them as he walked past. Pete pulled away from Patrick, turning his head sharply to face Brent. Patrick was way more equipped to handle these situations. He had calmed Pete down so much since they had been together. Pete had been notorious for hanging out with drug dealers, getting drunk and causing fights. Now, the only thing people said about him was that gave a brilliant blowjob – a rumour he actually started himself.

‘Shut the fuck up. At least I can actually get some, asshole. I don’t recall ever seeing you make out in the lunch hall. Who are you calling faggot anyway? Your dad?’

Patrick rolled his eyes. ‘I understand witnessing two guys kiss makes you uncomfortable, so if I promise not to rub your face in our business – do you promise not notify us about your disapproval?’ Patrick asked, squeezing Pete’s hand under the table. Before Brent could answer, Brendon had walked over in frustration.

‘Brent? Don’t be a prick; just the leave guys in peace. What’s the matter with you? I don’t see you complaining when two girls start kissing over lunch. Get over here,’ Brendon hissed at his friend. Brent gave a disgusted stare back at them and walked off. Brendon turned with a loving smile on his face. ‘I’m ever so sorry about my friend. We try not to let him talk to people. Don’t listen to him, he’s an asshole,’ Brendon laughed. His eyes refocused from Patrick to Ryan who had turned away in shyness when Brendon involved himself. ‘Hey Ryan,’ Brendon smiled.

Ryan turned around slowly, his eyes darting to anywhere that wasn’t Brendon’s face. His blood was pumping to his face. His palms were sweaty. His mouth was dry. Shit, he was panicking. Don’t be a freak. Don’t be a freak. ‘Oh, hey,’ Ryan sighed casually. There was a second of silence where Brendon lingered awkwardly, eyes fixed on Ryan. He appeared to frown for a second. ‘Sorry again. Catch you all later,’ he mumbled, striding away back to his table. Both Patrick and Pete turned towards Ryan who was using his fork to pick at his lunch.

‘Dude, did you not clock that?’ Pete asked.

Ryan turned towards them, a confused look plastering across his face. ‘What?’

‘He totally came over for you, dude.’

‘Don’t be an asshole, Pete. That’s really not funny,’ Ryan huffed.

‘No. He actually did,’ Patrick interjected.

Ryan smoothed his hand through his hair in exasperation. They must be mistaken. He turned towards Brendon’s table and caught Brendon staring over at theirs. Well, he’s probably thinking about what just happened. Ryan groaned to himself. Pete and Patrick were soon too caught up in each other again to care about Ryan. Spencer was caught up with girls and Jon was caught up with being Jon. Lunch was almost over when William and Travie materialised. They were joined at the hip and William pulled Travie in towards him as they pecked goodbye. Travie went to sit on Brendon’s table and William on Ryan’s.

‘Don’t be looking at my ass as I sit down, Ross,’ William giggled, patting Ryan on the back.

‘Shut up, Beckett. Who told you anyway?’ Ryan groaned.

‘Travie told me. Brendon texted him about it,’ William smiled.

‘What? Why?’ Ryan asked, eyebrows knotting together and making his head ache.

‘I don’t know. I guess he thought it was funny,’ William shrugged.

   By this point Ryan had given up with the fork altogether and taken to eating the rest of his dessert with his fingers. He needed to go to the bathroom and wash his hands.

‘I’ll be right back,’ Ryan frowned, pushing himself sluggishly up from the table.

‘Okay,’ William nodded, unpeeling a banana he’d taken out of satchel.

Ryan shuffled to the toilet. He didn’t notice Brendon leave his seat to follow him. As Brendon walked past - William, Pete and Patrick gave each other a knowing look. Brendon was only thirty seconds behind Ryan as he walked down the corridor and into the bathroom. Ryan slid through the door and starting washing his hands under the tap, squelching the soap into his skin and rejoicing in watching the sugar from his food wash away. Brendon entered the bathroom and Ryan glanced up to see who it was. He had to catch his breath. What was Brendon doing here?

‘Sticky fingers, Ryan?’ Brendon smirked across at him, lingering awkwardly behind him.

Ryan tried to ignore the suggestiveness in Brendon’s voice and glanced at him through the mirror on the wall in front of him. He simply nodded, feeling the heat that Brendon created burn all over his body. He didn’t want to speak – he’d stutter or say something stupid, he just knew it. ‘I really am sorry about Brent’s behaviour. I hope your friends are okay. The last thing I want is for anyone to feel like the people I associate with are ignorant assholes. It really is just Brent, I promise. I’d never have a problem with two guys kissing,’ Brendon panted, his cheeks glowing red.

Ryan smiled as Brendon flapped about behind him, trying to create excuses for his friend and justify himself to Ryan. Why did Brendon even give a shit about Ryan’s thoughts?

‘No, it’s really fine,’ Ryan smiled, his eyes falling to his hands – how long had he been washing his hands for? ‘They’re pretty used to it. I’m glad you’re not like that though. You really don’t need to justify yourself to me,’ Ryan shrugged, turning in Brendon’s direction to grab some paper towels.

‘Yes I do. I care about what you think. I don’t want you to think I’m a homophobe,’ Brendon blushed.

‘Why do you care what I think?’ Ryan chuckled in disbelief.

Brendon moved slightly closer towards Ryan, who was still wrestling with paper towels. He rolled his eyes. ‘Isn’t it obvious? Please don’t make me spell it out,’ Brendon stuttered. He moved even closer towards Ryan. What was the fucker doing?!?

‘Is this some sort of sick joke at my expense because if it is, it’s really not very amusing,’ Ryan puffed.

‘If it was a joke – would I really do this?’ Brendon asked, finally closing the space between them and wrapping his hands around Ryan’s bony hips. Ryan could feel Brendon’s breath on his lips, which was replaced by the sensation of Brendon’s lips on his own. Their lips fumbled nervously for a few minutes and then Brendon deepened the kiss, his tongue grazing over Ryan’s. Ryan backed up against the sink, Brendon’s body pressing him up against it as Brendon pressed against him. He didn’t notice until Brendon pulled back that he had his eyes shut. When Ryan opened them, Brendon was laughing.

‘What was that noise you just made?’ Brendon asked, a cheeky grin stretching across his face.

‘What noise?’ Ryan asked in embarrassment, still trying to catch his breath.

‘This noise,’ Brendon smirked, pressing his lips against Ryan’s mouth again. Ryan heard it that time. He was making this horrible moany noise that he hadn’t even noticed he made. ‘It’s adorable,’ Brendon smiled, brushing Ryan’s hair away from his eyes. Brendon had never noticed how beautiful Ryan was. The way his dark eyes melted into you, the fashion in which his angelic, boyish features invited you to love him. They both heard voices outside the bathroom and Ryan hastily straightened up. Brendon quickly walked away and causally out of the door, leaving Ryan confused and dazed. Brendon Urie likes him. Christmas miracles exist after all.

Chapter Text

Ryan hated high school sometimes. In art, he had to sit next to this guy Ronnie Radke. Ronnie was okay, but lately he had been a complete asshole. Ryan sighed as he threw his backpack onto the table next to him. It turned out that him and Andy Biersack had been having an affair behind Andy’s girlfriend’s back for months and when it came down to it Andy had chosen Juliet over him. It was a pretty decent reason to be grumpy but it wasn’t Ryan’s fault that Andy hadn’t loved him enough and it wasn’t Ryan’s fault that Andy was in their art class. He sighed as he sat down. This was going to be fun. Ronnie wasn’t ugly by any stretch of the imagination, yet as he slumped over the desk – he looked awful. Ryan couldn’t help feeling sorry for the guy – he looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks; he looked like he had been crying.

‘Hey,’ Ryan smiled across at him, dragging his art equipment out of his bag.

‘Hey, Ryan,’ Ronnie replied, his eyes dull and vacant. Ryan followed Ronnie’s gaze over to the where Andy was sitting. Poor guy – it can’t be easy.

‘You know the longer you stare at him, the more chance he has of catching you. I was called out on it yesterday, I know.’

Ronnie sighed before sacrificing a weak smile in Ryan’s direction. ‘So out of ten, what would you give Brendon’s ass?’ he asked, his tone almost mimicking humour.

Ryan laughed. Apparently the whole school knew about it. It was the first time in three weeks Ronnie had uttered something vaguely human. He couldn’t ignore it. ‘His ass is great. Easily a nine,’ Ryan smirked.

Andy stood up at the front, moving from his desk to pick up some paint brushes from the side. ‘How about Andy’s?’ Ronnie asked, his nose wrinkling up in longing.

‘Two, if that. Honestly? I think you can do way better than Andy. I mean his ass is so small – you probably can’t even, you know, push in,’ Ryan joked, getting a little flustered as he watched Ronnie’s almost amused reaction.

‘You can,’ Ronnie laughed lightly, ‘believe me,’ Ronnie let a small smirk take hold of his face.

‘You mean – you? Really?’ Ryan stuttered. He fantasied about doing that with Brendon. Fuck, he’d love to do that with Brendon but it scared him. He’d heard horror stories about the stretch; about it going wrong. What if Brendon didn’t like his body? What if Brendon wanted Ryan to lead and realised he had so little experience? Ryan tapped his pencil against the table with nerves.

‘Yeah. It’s not like people say,’ Ronnie shrugged. ‘They tell you it’s unnatural or whatever bullshit but its fine – it’s amazing actually. If you research how to do it properly with all the right precautions then it’s –,’ Ronnie trailed off, heat rushing to his face. Ryan could see Ronnie smile at something untold. Maybe it was something worth trying…

   Andy passed by their table, his leather jacket scrunching up as he walked. He shot a small look in Ronnie’s direction. Ronnie completely blanked him, averting his guise to the paper he was supposed to be stretching onto. Andy huffed as Ronnie ignored him, fastening his pace to the back of the classroom to get more supplies.

‘You’re going to have to look at him, one day,’ Ryan muttered.

‘Not today. Let’s just get through Christmas without any more drama. Speaking of which, there’s a party for New Year’s. Are you going? I don’t know anyone else there but it sounds like the sort of thing you and your friends would go to.’

Ryan didn’t really pay attention when Pete and William started talking about parties. He just received a time, date and place from Patrick a couple of days before and turned up accordingly. ‘I – I don’t really know. We probably are going.’ It wasn’t like William to miss any party.

‘Well, I hoped you would be. There’d be no point in me coming if I didn’t know anyone,’ Ronnie huffed.

Ryan nodded. ‘I’ll try to remember to ask,’ Ryan promised.

He dragged out his cell as Ronnie sketched. He was going to text Pete there and then to ask him. Instead, he was distracted by the message that vibrated on his display.

‘Hey, Ryan. Travie gave me your number – I hope you don’t mind. I think we have kind of moved past that now, huh? ;) Don’t tell anyone what we did though.’ Ryan studied it. What was that supposed to mean? Then a second message vibrated through instantly after the first. ‘Want to hang out? No strings or anything. Just chilling.’ No strings. The guy kissed him! Don’t tell anyone. Why? Was he ashamed of Ryan?

‘Someone’s popular – who is it? Your girlfriend… Boyfriend?’ Ronnie asked, his voice monotone as his pencil dragged across the paper.

‘No.’ Ryan answered sharply. Not yet anyway. Give me time…

Ronnie glanced over. ‘Brendon?’ he smirked.

‘No. I don’t even have Brendon’s number,’ Ryan shrugged, trying to play it cool. His cheeks were burning – he could feel it.

‘I’m only kidding. So what? The guy has a nice ass – doesn’t mean you want his adopted kids or anything.’

‘Exactly,’ Ryan hummed. Nobody needed to know anything about what happened in the bathroom.

Ryan replied to Brendon’s message. He was going to make the guy wait. ‘Hey, that’s cool. No, I can’t tonight. Sorry. Maybe another time though. I’m not busy later on in the week.’

The message buzzed through straight away. ‘There’s no work. It’s Christmas. What’s so urgent?’

‘You that desperate to see me? ;P’ Ryan replied with, smiling smugly to himself as he sent it.

‘Later in the week is fine.’

Ryan smiled, his lips pulling up. The boy didn’t dispute it. Maybe he was desperate. Or maybe Ryan was analysing too much – as usual.

‘Ryan Ross!’ Mr Way shouted across the classroom. ‘If you don’t put your phone away I will confiscate it,’ he warned across.

‘Sorry, sir,’ Ryan replied with a pout.

‘Thankyou,’ he was walking over to check Ryan’s progress. Ryan looked down at his paper, he had done practically nothing this whole period. ‘Isn’t that what your paper looked like last period?’ Mr Way asked, his ginger hair flopping down his face.

‘Sorry,’ Ryan repeated.

‘You’re really well versed in creativity, Ryan. I have seen some of your other work. Don’t waste all that potential. Let’s get rid of the distractions, okay?’ Mr Way tutted firmly. Ryan puffed out. He hated disappointing teachers, especially cool, caring ones like Gerard Way.

‘I’ll take it home,’ Ryan muttered.

‘Good, that sounds like a plan,’ Gerard smiled across at him. Andy had placed himself next to him, trying to get the teacher’s attention. He was leaning against their table trying to not eavesdrop on their conversation. The teachers knew everything between the students. Gerard glanced over to Ronnie and then to Andy. Ryan half smiled as Gerard rolled his eyes at the teen drama.

‘Yes, Andy…’ he asked, walking with Andy back to his table.

‘It’s Christmas time – cheer up,’ Ryan beamed over to Ronnie.

‘It doesn’t feel like Christmas. It only feels cold,’ Ronnie whined.

Well, wasn’t he going to be a delight if there was a party? Happy New Year.

****

It was cold outside. Ryan had walked back with William and Travie intermingled in themselves as they all travelled down the sidewalk. Ryan observed how William and Travie managed to kiss and walk somehow. He didn’t even mind public displays of affection but… how were they even breathing? They stopped off at the shop near his house and Travie waited outside smoking. There was Christmas music playing inside and there were decorations everywhere, tinsel – paper shapes hanging from the ceiling. It was definitely Christmas. They bought a few snacks – complete junk food, of course. William was gazing lovingly over at Travie outside whilst we were in the line to pay.

‘I need to get him to quit,’ William sighed.

‘Well, whatever you do – don’t get him any E-cigarettes – they’re nasty and they haven’t been tested,’ Ryan muttered.

William laughed. ‘You must be the only seventeen year old that knows that, Ry. You’re such a nerd.’

Ryan smiled at him, bashfully. ‘Oh, fuck off,’ he smirked.

They walked back and out of the shop. William and Travie parted ways with Ryan to go to William’s house after a considerable length of walking.

   Ryan ran up the stairs, dumping his stuff on his bed. He went over to his laptop and turned it on. He was settling in for his usual routine of listening to music and reading shit on the internet. He checked Facebook and nothing was really happening. He was just about to close the window when a message popped up on his screen.

Brendon Urie has added you as a friend. Ryan stared at Brendon’s friend request for a second and quickly accepted. Brendon was online. Ryan sighed to himself. No sooner had he clicked away from the tab to select another song, Brendon had messaged Ryan on Facebook chat.

The guy must be desperate. Ryan clicked back to look at the message.

‘Hey Ryan. Thanks for accepting my friend request. What you up to tonight then?’

Busted. ‘Hey, Bren. I just have some things to do,’ Ryan struggled with.

‘Like what? :)’

‘You know, reading etc.’

‘Oh,’ Brendon typed then, ‘Cool… You’d rather read than spend time with me?’

Ryan gulped. No. No. No. No. No. That wasn’t it – that wasn’t it at all. He just didn’t want to make his feelings too visible; not when he liked Brendon so damn much.

‘No. Please don’t think that. That’s really not the case.’ Oh God, did that sound really desperate?

Ten minutes had gone by and Brendon didn’t reply. Oh shit. Oh shit. Ryan was breathing frantically.

‘Do you have Skype? It’d be way easier to talk.’

‘Yeah, sure.’

   Ryan added him on Skype and it wasn’t long before his beautiful face was staring at him through the monitor. Brendon looked different in his own space. He had thick, black framed glasses – he looked kind of nerdy but in a sexy, adorable sense. At school he must wear contacts. He was wearing a ‘I <3 Vegas’ T-shirt and his gelled back hair seemed to flop in every direction possible. It was a far cry from the cool, well-constructed image he had in high school. Ryan didn’t much care – Brendon was still as beautiful. He just seemed so real. How could he be interested in Ryan?

‘So, school breaks up for the holidays this week. Do you have any plans for Christmas?’ Brendon asked, typing something out on his keyboard.

‘No. Do you?’

‘Not really…’

Ryan guessed he was going to have to take the bait – who could resist that face? ‘We could hang out – if you want?’

Brendon stared down the barrel of the camera and his dark, electric eyes made Ryan flutter inside. ‘Yeah, that sounds great. Why not just – I don’t know – call me or whatever?’

‘Yeah, cool,’ Ryan whispered, trying to regain his composure. He bit down into his bottom lip. Brendon Urie wanted to spend Christmas with him. That’s something a couple did…

Chapter Text

Ryan can’t believe it; he can’t think straight. There’s a Brendon on his bed. Not just any Brendon; the Brendon he’s been wishing for exactly like a kid over the best toy. Brendon is the toy under the Christmas Tree come Christmas morning. Ryan studies him from where he’s sitting awkwardly in his desk chair and Brendon has strewn himself out across Ryan’s bed. Ryan doesn’t know what to say or how to say it so he kind of just goes with being silent and letting the music from his laptop blare out. He clicked on Frank Sinatra’s White Christmas at Brendon’s request and Brendon listens to it with an implied passion that Ryan isn’t sure he hasn’t fabricated in his head. He doesn’t know how to handle this situation. Both his parents are still at work and the house is lifeless except for his bedroom. When the song finishes, the silence is almost crippling. What was he supposed to say? You look beautiful.

‘You don’t have sit all the way over there, you know, Ryan. This is your bed after all,’ Brendon laughs. He shifts over, leaving a sizable amount of space for Ryan. Ryan sighs to himself as he moves across the room and presses his body against the mattress feeling the heat of Brendon’s body as he lies there thinking about how cold it is out, even in the desert. Both boys are staring up at the ceiling. Ryan’s body is full of tension but he thinks Brendon is calm; he thinks the silence is awkward though Brendon is smiling, obviously thinking it’s comfortable. Ryan groans to himself – Brendon is on his bed and he doesn’t even know what to do; what he’s allowed to do or what the protocol is for the sort of thing.

     ‘Are you not happy to be with your family this Christmas?’ Ryan finally enquires, hoping it’s not too personal.

Brendon turns to his side, facing Ryan – Ryan doesn’t dare look, he continues to sketch out the ceiling into his mind. ‘They’re – I love them but they just don’t understand, you know? They’re quite religious and forever I’ve been told that I am as well but I’m not sure if I want to spend my Christmas or anymore of my time of my life in a church praying to a God I’m not even sure exists. It just seems like everything is a sin as well. I’m not sure I can live a life in constant guilt of how I feel and what I think,’ Brendon sighs. ‘There’s so much about myself I need to work out,’ he frowns momentarily, before smirking across at Ryan. ‘How about you? I mean, there’s no-one here.’

‘Oh,’ Ryan blurts out, trying to process all the information Brendon’s told him. ‘Yeah – my parents will be working right up until Christmas Eve as usual. Usually William would be here or Peterick, that’s what we call Pete and Patrick, but obviously I guess they are all doing couple shit. Spencer’s always off with some chick and Jon doesn’t get up until five so…’

‘Well, I’m not doing anything except praying to a God that might not exist that someone will save me and I can escape from the house,’ Brendon smiles.

‘So what - I’m like your Romeo?’ Ryan smiles. Are jokes too soon?

Brendon grins. ‘Only if you don’t leave me waiting on a balcony for too long,’ Brendon retorts.

Ryan smiles back at him. ‘I’d never leave you waiting,’ he mutters with a sigh to himself.

Brendon scoffs. ‘Well, we’ve been speaking for four days now and you still haven’t acknowledged what happened in the bathroom.’

     Ryan turns suddenly then to meet Brendon’s eyes. ‘I wasn’t aware you wanted me to. I thought maybe you -,’ Ryan cuts himself off. ‘You said not to tell anyone.’

‘I really, really like you Ryan. I think about you all the time but it’s like I said – I – I don’t know so much about myself. I just – I don’t want people in school calling me gay when I’m not even sure I am. Until about six months ago, I really believed I was a good, honest Mormon boy born and bred to serve God and get married to a woman. Now everything’s such a mess, Ry. I started seeing boys in a different way – started thinking that the doubts I had before are real and that I shouldn’t have been ignoring them. But, if I leave the church; if I’m gay or bisexual or whatever then it’ll break my parents’ heart. I think my mom will have a stroke or something,’ Brendon pants.

‘Bren,’ Ryan coos, reaching out instinctively to touch his hand, ‘your parents love you – sure, they might be pissed to begin with but they’ll get over it. They won’t have a choice – you can’t change who you are or how you feel,’ Ryan purrs, snatching his own hand away in awkwardness.

Brendon laughs loudly. ‘I come to your house, lay on your bed – open up to you and you’re still not sure if you’re allowed to touch me. Here,’ Brendon smiles, placing Ryan’s hands, palm flat against his heart. Ryan’s fingers smooth out over Brendon’s chest, t-shirt crumpling.

‘Your heart is beating really fast,’ Ryan whispers.

‘I know,’ Brendon nods. ‘I was thinking about kissing you to say thankyou for being such a patient listener.’

     Ryan quickly stares at Brendon, mimicking a deer caught in headlights. ‘Wha – What?’

‘Don’t you want to?’ Brendon mouths, turning red – heart beating faster.

‘Of course I do but I -,’ Ryan is interrupted by Brendon’s lips being pushed to his. He can’t fight against it; he just lets Brendon roughly move his lips and then slide his tongue into his mouth, only pulling back to bite Ryan’s bottom lip. Ryan moans as Brendon’s teeth dig in. Ryan can’t think of anything except how Brendon tastes, even when he pulls away.

‘I’ve been wanting to do that every time I’ve seen your lips,’ Brendon smirks.

Ryan doesn’t say anything. He simply nods. His voice is hoarse when he attempts to speak. ‘Do it again.’ It’s a command not a request and Brendon rolls his eyes in a playful manner. He pushes the situation further by straddling Ryan and bends down to push their lips together, chests touching through their t-shirts. Ryan doesn’t really understand what possesses him but his hand ghost over the buttons of Brendon’s jeans as they make out which prompts him to pull away and sit up, towering over Ryan.

‘Err – This – This is as far as I can go for now,’ Brendon murmurs, scratching his head in embarrassment as Ryan studies his face.

‘That’s okay. No, don’t worry. I never even expected – everyday feels like Christmas Day with you, Brendon Urie.’

‘Oh, Romeo – you know exactly how to make a girl fall in love,’ Brendon mocks, playing up to his self-assigned role as court jester. Ryan smiles. This guy is such an idiot. He’s my idiot though, whether the world is allowed to know or not. He’s definitely mine.

Chapter Text

It is the last day of Christmas term. There’s no work being done at all by anyone – not even the teachers. Ryan has been stuck in English with Brendon staring at him from the space between their desks. Motherfucker won’t stop staring at him – he’s the one making it obvious. Patrick is smirking at Ryan.

‘Been in Urie’s pants already?’ Patrick teases, looking at Ryan from under his glasses.

‘Oh shut up, Nothing. When your boyfriend is not Pete Wentz I’ll let you have an opinion,’ Ryan retorts.

Patrick simply laughs. ‘You wouldn’t be so defensive if it wasn’t true,’ Patrick smiles.

Why does Patrick have to be so smart? Ryan groans. ‘Can we talk about it later? We’re supposed to be listening.’

‘Ryan Ross!’ Mr Toro shouts, ‘as you seem so well versed in literature you don’t have to listen I’m sure you’d love to expand on Hayley’s point about Daisy.’

Ryan sighs. Why is it always him that gets pulled up on talking or not listening? He’s the only one that actually does the reading, other than Patrick. ‘Errr – Daisy isn’t a one dimensional character because she obviously isn’t devoid of meaningful emotions, she just choses materialism over love. Perhaps, Fitzgerald constructed her like that to represent sexism in society at the time,’ Ryan huffs.

Mr Toro gives him a sceptical glance. ‘That’s a very interesting viewpoint, Ryan. Well done – just be sure you are paying attention.’

Ryan nods at him. He can’t wait for the bell to ring and he can run off to lunch, Patrick with him. He glances down to his watch, still fifteen minutes. Ryan taps his fingers on his thigh. Brendon throws a piece of paper across at Ryan. It lands on his desk in front of him and Patrick smiles again. Ryan’s suddenly thankful it’s Patrick and not Pete sitting there; Pete would have snatched it. He unfolds it quietly and stares down at the words.

‘I swear, the teachers always turn around when you decide to talk. Maybe later on, I can make you feel better?’ Ryan’s lips pull up in response. He scribbles a response below. ‘Stop staring at me Urie. I know you want me on top of you but it can and it will wait until later.’ He throws it back; as does Brendon. ‘You putting me on a promise, Ross?’ Ryan laughs to himself. The bells rings suddenly.    

   Everyone is packing away as Brendon closes the space between him and Ryan finally.

‘Hey, Ry,’ Brendon beams.

‘Hey,’ Ryan wheezes, he still can’t get over the tones of Brendon’s voice.

‘Hey Patrick,’ Brendon smiles.

‘Hey, dude,’ Patrick smiles back, politely.

As the boys walk out of the classroom, they notice that Gabe is waiting for Brendon leant up against the doorframe. Gabe gives Brendon a distasteful sneer as he walks with Ryan and Patrick, his eyes lingering over Ryan’s profile with disfavour. Gabe is a popular kid – one of Brendon’s friends because Brendon was one of those kids that was friends with everyone. Gabe’s face is saying ‘What are you doing with him?’ and Brendon simply shrugs, returning a look that articulates ‘I’ll talk to you later.’ so Gabe stalks off down the corridor, not used to being rejected. Brendon walked down the corridor with them and into the cafeteria.

‘Fancy eating lunch together, Ryan?’

Ryan stares at Brendon, hushing his voice to a low murmur. ‘Really?’

‘Sure, why not? – As long as no one minds…’ Both of them turn towards Patrick.

‘Hey, I don’t mind,’ Patrick declares, throwing his hands up defensively.

Brendon’s lips pull up decisively.

   When they finally arrive at their table, William and Travie have somehow sat down before anyone else. They are talking to each other, faces close, Travie’s fingers brushing through William’s long hair. Ryan rolls his eyes. He sits down and the couple turn to smile at him as Patrick sits on Ryan’s right and Brendon fills the space between Ryan and Travie.

‘Hey guys,’ William puffs, as if he’s annoyed at being interrupted,

‘Hey Bilvy. Sorry for ruining your hard on. There’s probably a dark closet somewhere you two could ‘get lost’ in.’

William’s bitch face makes an appearance. ‘I came out of the closet a long time ago, Ross. Never going back there.’

Travie sighs at his boyfriend’s grumpiness. ‘Hey, dude. Ignore him, he’s being a little bitch today because he didn’t get much sleep last night. Don’t take any notice of a word he says,’ Travie laughs, squeezing William hand under the table.

‘Babe,’ William protests, ‘you’re supposed to be on my side.’

‘Sorry Princess,’ Travie breathes. The rest of the boys laugh.

Pete wraps his arms around Patrick’s neck from behind them. ‘Guess who?’

‘Hey, asshole,’ Patrick grins, pecking his boyfriend’s cheek. Pete sits down at Patrick’s side.

This was a bad idea. There’s couples either side of them. Now both Ryan and Brendon feel uncomfortable at the unspoken words and unmade motions between them. Where’s Jon and Spencer when you need them?

   ‘Spencer’s sick,’ a voice utters.

Ryan looks up to see a long, thin body towering over the table. Brendon’s eyes light up. ‘Hey, D.’

‘You not sitting on our table today? Don’t say Brent has scared you off?’ Dallon jokes.

‘No, not today.’

Dallon nods. ‘How are you, Ryan?’

Ryan stares up in shock at being addressed. ‘I – I’m alright. How about you?’

‘Good. Not stealing my buddy away, are you?’ Dallon mocks.

Ryan’s not sure if he really is joking. ‘N – n- no. It was his idea -,’ Ryan gulps, before Brendon cuts him off.

‘He’s joking, Ry. Lighten up,’ Brendon coos, his hand brushing Ryan’s arm.

Dallon smirks down at both of them, his eyes focusing on Brendon’s gesture. ‘I’ll call you later, B.’

‘Cool, bro. Talk soon,’ Brendon waves as Dallon walks away, trying to ignore Dallon’s attempts to embarrass him.

‘Hey,’ Patrick calls, addressing the whole group. ‘We still need to sort out where we’re doing our Christmas trip.’

Brendon’s eyebrows snake together, prompting Ryan to explain. ‘Every year we do something for Christmas, it’s sort of a tradition. Last year we stayed in New Year for a few days. This year we’re probably – well, I don’t even know…’

‘How about we get tickets to see something on Broadway?’

‘Oh, Christ Beckett – could you be any more gay?’ Pete groans.

‘Sorry, what was that? I couldn’t hear you speaking. You’ll have to take Patrick’s dick out of your mouth first,’ William hisses back.

Travie turns to face his boyfriend beside him. ‘Baby, seriously. Claws away,’ Travie lectures as if he is talking to a child.

William completely loses it. ‘Will you stop apologising for me? You’re such a fucking kiss ass sometimes.’

Travie grits his teeth. ‘I know why you’re upset; you’re upset because I didn’t want to spend Christmas with you, aren’t you?’

‘No.’

‘William, don’t lie to me. I’m sorry, okay? It’s only three days. I’ll see you on the 23^rd. I can call you. Stop being such a baby,’ Travie barks.

‘It’s important. How we pretend to be a serious couple if we can’t spend Christmas together? Is it so terrible that I should want to spend Christmas with the person I love?’ William snaps.

Travie stares at him. There’s a dead silence from everyone and some kids from surrounding tables are starting to stare as well. ‘The person you what?’ Travie asks, dumbfounded.

William sighs out oxygen. ‘You heard me,’ he whispers.

Travie seems embarrassed. ‘Want to go for a walk?’

‘Sure,’ William smiles. The two vanish.

Brendon turns to face Ryan, his voice is quiet. ‘I hope that’s not us six months into our relationship,’ he whispers.

Ryan laughs. ‘Don’t worry, kid. Nobody is as bitchy as William.’

‘Want to walk back with me later?’

‘Sure, Juliet. I’ll meet you at the gates,’ Ryan laughs.

Chapter Text

Brendon had been waiting until they were almost back onto their street to hold hands. Ryan had been utterly overwhelmed that Brendon wanted to in the Mormon part of Vegas, walking down the street. The Christmas lights flashed as the darkness expanded across the city into the winter desert. It was cold for a day in Las Vegas. They were shivering as they walked, hands clasping together.

‘What are you doing?’ Ryan asked, his hand feeling uncomfortable in Brendon’s.

‘Holding your hand?’ Brendon questioned apprehensively, snapping his hand back to himself. ‘Sorry,’ he apologised, sheepishly.

‘No, don’t apologise,’ Ryan laughs, holding onto Brendon’s waist. ‘I just thought that – well, what if someone sees?’ Ryan shrugs.

‘Yeah, I guess you’re right. I really can’t have my mom on my back,’ Brendon sighs. ‘She’ll be so pissed when she finds out you’re my boyfriend.’

Ryan’s eyes widened in surprise. They hadn’t talked about what they were yet. ‘I’m your what?’

‘You’re my boyfriend… You are, aren’t you?’ Brendon’s eyes nervously shifting to the ground.

Ryan’s grin appeared to form that of an Alice In Wonderland character. ‘Of course I am but that means you’re mine,’ Ryan smirks. Brendon laughs.

‘Well, you’re just a lucky son of a bitch then, aren’t you?’

Ryan continue to walk along the sidewalk, rolling his eyes. ‘Are you coming back?’

‘Sure, why not?’ Brendon beams.

They walk back, chatting about random shit that didn’t matter and Ryan felt so happy that they could just goof around like that; that they could be completely comfortable with each other. He never dreamt that it would end up like this but here they are – almost like a real couple. He was so happy he didn’t have to spend Christmas alone. He is spending it with the most attractive person he knows – his boyfriend. He couldn’t be happier.

   They continue walking until they reach Ryan’s house and Ryan fiddles in his bag for his keys before unlocking the door and throwing his stuff onto the dining room table.

‘You still have me on a promise, remember?’ Brendon smirks. Ryan laughs. For a guy that wasn’t gay, he sure wanted gay love.

‘Yeah, yeah. I remember,’ Ryan falsely sighs, rolling his eyes playfully.

He turns around to grab Brendon by his hips and presses him up against the wall by the front door. He hasn’t noticed his mother’s presence in the kitchen. He moves his face closer until their noses are touching and he presses his lips against Brendon’s, closing his eyes as he feels Brendon’s soft flesh beneath his own. Brendon kisses back even more desperate than Ryan. He moves his hands from his side to cradle Ryan’s ass, forcing them closer into each other’s bodies. Ryan laughs again, moving his lips down to Brendon’s neck and breathing lightly into his skin.

‘Ryan, is that you?’ Danielle calls, walking into the kitchen door way. She leans against the doorframe, smirking as her son moans into some boy’s body. ‘Ryan? If you’re going to bring boys back, at least get them to your bedroom before you start to -,’ his mother coughs with a laugh.

Ryan pulls away from Brendon, his eyes pricking up to spot his mother staring in amusement. His face runs scarlet. ‘M-mom? What are you doing here?’

‘I do live here, Rybear,’ she chuckles.

‘I know but -,’ Ryan asks, still confused.

‘I came back from work early. I realised that we hadn’t had a proper conversation in weeks, if not months Rybear and it made me very upset. I couldn’t bear to think you felt neglected,’ Danielle sniffs.

Ryan smiles. His mom walks out of the kitchen and into the dining room, towards the boys, throwing her arms around Ryan. Ryan probably ought to be embarrassed but he can’t remember the last time his mom took time off work so he doesn’t even care. She pulls away. ‘Who’s your friend?’ she asks, smiling sweetly at Brendon who has been watching the scene unfold awkwardly.

‘Mom, this is my boyfriend Brendon,’ Ryan gulps.

‘Boyfriend?’ she questions sceptically.

‘Yes, ma’am,’ Brendon nods.

Ryan groans. He shouldn’t have told her. He knew what was happening next…

****

It is thirty minutes since Ryan and Brendon had sat down at the dining table. Ryan is starting to get tiresome of his mother’s inquisition on Brendon. She has already asked him about his interests and his taste in music; his favourite artist; if he’s vegetarian; what kind of career he wants to have, all that boring stuff that parents ask.

‘How about your parents, Brendon?’

Brendon shifts in his chair. ‘Err – They are really cool. They’re actually super religious,’ Brendon shrugs.

Danielle frowns. ‘Oh,’ is all she can muster. ‘How do they feel about – you know?’ her eyes flicker to Ryan.

Brendon taps his fingers along the wood of the table in nervousness. ‘Well, actually I haven’t told them,’ Brendon mutters.

Daniel’s eyes look down, pursuing her lips. Ryan is a little pissed that his mom is making an already unbearable situation more awkward. ‘Mom, can you just drop it – okay?’

‘Sorry, sweetie. I just don’t see how anyone could be so cruel to their own flesh and blood. When you told me you were gay – it wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear but did I ever bring you up in an environment that made it impossible for you to come out – no.’ Her eyes turn to Brendon. ‘You’re always welcome here, pumpkin. Never be ashamed of who you are, Brendon. Life is far too short to -,’ she chimed, Ryan interrupting her.

‘Be miserable pleasing other people. Yeah, you told me about a million times,’ Ryan huffs.

‘It’s something my own mother used to tell me, you know,’ she sighs in nostalgia.

‘I know. Are you done grilling him yet?’

‘Ry, don’t be so grumpy,’ Brendon laughs.

‘No it’s okay, sweetie. You two go,’ she smiles.

Ryan hastily jumps up and runs up the stairs, Brendon being too slow to follow him. ‘It was lovely to meet you, Mrs Ross,’ Brendon honestly bows.

‘Oh, honey call me Dani. You too, darling. Mr grumpy pants is waiting,’ she sings, her eyes settling on the stairs. Brendon laughs, his legs moving in the direction of them until he’s walking into Ryan’s bedroom.

‘Hey, you know your mom was only trying to -,’ Brendon gasps, being cut off by Ryan’s lips on his own.

‘I know but your lips are good for a hella lot more than talking,’ Ryan whispers back.

‘Oh, Ryan. I love it when you speak dirty,’ Brendon teases.

Ryan grins, rolling his eyes again. ‘Shut up and kiss me. It’s Christmas,’ Ryan smirks.

Brendon’s heart flutters. ‘Indeed it is, Rybear. Indeed it is.’

‘Don’t call me that.’

‘Why not? It’s cute,’ Brendon jokes.

‘You’re such an asshole,’ Ryan laughs against Brendon’s neck.

‘ I know, Rybear. Don't even try to deny that you love it though. Now shut up and kiss me – it’s Christmas.’

Chapter Text

Ryan and Brendon lay across Ryan’s mattress. Ryan’s head resting on Brendon’s chest, Brendon’s hands stroking through Ryan’s hair. They had been completely still and silent in the haze of each other’s breathing; Ryan listening the beat of Brendon’s heart. Ryan is growing sleepy under Brendon’s influence. Brendon smiles down at him. His hands moving from Ryan’s head to squeeze at Ryan’s ass before trailing up the small of Ryan’s back and Ryan smirks to himself, rolling onto his stomach; head nuzzling into Brendon’s chest in tiredness. Brendon’s fingers are trailing up Ryan’s back, forcing his t-shirt to ride up. Ryan breathes a chuckle, his thighs falling beside Brendon’s until Ryan’s on top of him, lying there like sleepy dead weight. Brendon shudders at the touch of Ryan’s body against his own.

‘Ryan, please don’t fall asleep on me. I will have to go home at some point today and no doubt my parents will have a thousand questions about where I’ve been and who with,’ Brendon sighs, his voice low and gentle.

Ryan’s head is still deep within Brendon’s chest. He doesn’t look up but sounds a drowsy groan.

Brendon giggles. ‘I mean it, Ry. Come on, sleepyhead. If you don’t sit up, I’ll have to make you,’ Brendon teases. Ryan still doesn’t move. Brendon rolls his eyes. His fingers snake to Ryan’s waist and he tickles Ryan roughly. Ryan groans louder, sitting up like a meerkat.

‘You asshole. I was comfortable,’ he whinges.

‘You were falling asleep on me. I ought to be getting back; it’ll be getting cold and my mother will be doing backflips.’

‘Don’t go,’ Ryan pleads.

‘I’ll Facebook you as soon as I get back, I promise,’ Brendon chuckles, ‘you’re so fucking needy, Ross.’

‘Sorry for caring,’ Ryan sarcastically grumbles.

Ryan peers down at him, his hands palms flat against Brendon’s chest. ‘You’re coming on our Christmas trip, right?’

‘Don’t you think your friends are sick of me?’

‘No. William will be bringing Travie and Spencer will no doubt find two chicks for him and Jon. So, I’d be the only one without a date,’ Ryan huffs. ‘I mean, I know we’re supposed to be hiding it but my friends aren’t going to tell anyone.’

Brendon’s lips pull up. ‘You know six months ago I was completely freaked at the prospect of even liking guys and now I’m here with you like this. I’ve figured out more with you in a week than I could on my own in six months. I’ve been researching stuff online and I think – well, I guess I know I’m Pansexual. I just can’t get the idea of you in a Rocky Horror costume out of my head,’ Brendon bites his lip.

‘I’ll do anything for you, babe,’ Ryan laughs, bringing his own lips down to bite at Brendon’s bottom lip.

‘Maybe I’ll hold you to that. Alas, right now I have to go,’ Brendon pulls away.

Ryan exhales deeply. ‘I’ll come down with you then. No doubt my mom will want to make a circus of you leaving.’

   The boys tumbled down the stairs holding hands. When Ryan opens the door it really is cold outside. He waits for Brendon to come back from the kitchen. He knows Brendon only has to walk down the lane but he feels bad about the boy walking back on his own. ‘Let me know you’re back safe okay, kid?’

‘Sure thing, slut,’ Brendon grins.

‘Be nice, it’s Christmas,’ Ryan chortles, sticking his tongue out. Ryan pulls Brendon in for one more peck to finish a perfect afternoon. It is definitely Christmas in Las Vegas.

Chapter Text

Brendon quickly walks home. He opens the door with his key and isn’t the least bit surprised to see his parents waiting from him. They look unimpressed and Brendon sighs because he knew exactly what is coming.

‘Brendon, honey – it’s six O’clock. Where have you been?’

‘I went to my friend’s house, okay? Quit worrying.’

‘Brendon!’ his father sharply interjects. Brendon breathes out angry air and attempts to stay calm.

‘I was only down the lane, mom.’

‘Who is this friend? Obviously not Dallon or Travis.’

‘Ryan. His name is Ryan. He’s really nice.’

‘I’m sure,’ his mother utters, scepticism evident in her voice ‘– which number, sweetie?’

‘Number thirty seven,’ Brendon mumbles.

His mom is trying to recall them, no doubt judging them as well. ‘Number thirty seven – well, that really isn’t far. We should invite them round for dinner.’

‘No, mom – please,’ Brendon begs sharply.

‘Nonsense. I will go round their house tomorrow and have a chat with his mother -,’ she gazes at him expectantly.

‘Danielle, mom,’ Brendon groans. ‘You really shouldn’t – Ryan’s parents work an awful lot, they probably won’t have time to -,’ Brendon whines.

‘Of course they will. Who works at Christmas? It’s always a pleasure to meet more neighbours,’ she beams.

Brendon knows he has lost. He could picture it now. Ryan’s mom being lovely and polite but all the while thinking ‘You fucking homophobe, you fucking hypocrite’ and that is really the last thing he or Ryan need. He sighs again and tries to run up the stairs, his mom walking into the other room. His father calls him back.

‘Brendon,’ his dad echoes again and Brendon turns around on the first step, head poking out from behind the banister. ‘Your mother only asks because she worries – there’s really no need to be so rude,’ his father lectures.

‘I know, dad. I’m sorry,’ Brendon mutters. I’m not sorry. I’m nowhere near fucking sorry. Fucking bitch deserves it.

‘Good. Next time, try to be more understanding.’ Brendon simply nods and runs up the stairs to his bedroom. Fucking hypocrite. It takes him less than five minutes to switch on his laptop and be staring down his camera at Ryan.

‘My parents want you and your mom to come for dinner,’ Brendon shudders.

‘No fucking way,’ Ryan laughs.

‘It’s not funny, Ry. It’s a disaster,’ Brendon sniffs.

Ryan‘s mouth pulls up at one side in sympathy and frustration. ‘Hey, I’m sure I can behave myself. Don’t worry, gorgeous. I’ll be so fucking holy your parents will think I’m a saint.’

Brendon bleeds a laugh. ‘Ryan! You’re the least angelic person I know,’ Brendon scoffs.

Ryan supresses a smile and gives his best innocent look down the camera – big eyes and pouty lips. ‘What ever could you mean?’

‘Don’t give me that. You know full well what I mean, whore,’ Brendon giggles.

‘Hey slag. Stop trying to ruin the illusion,’ Ryan chuckles. ‘It’ll be okay, I promise,’ Ryan smiles, the smile that forces Brendon’s heart to beat like it’s running a marathon – all stretched lips and innocent, dark eyes that melt his milk chocolate locks into his face. ‘If it goes really badly, I know a few things that could cheer you up, baby,’ Ryan smirks.

‘Have you been naughty or nice?’ Brendon flirts back.

‘Naughty always. But then you know that already,’ Ryan grins, his tongue sweeping sinfully across his lips.

   So maybe his parents are going to meet Ryan and Danielle Ross – it couldn’t be that bad, could it? Brendon growled to himself because he didn’t know who he was more ashamed of: himself or his parents.

Chapter Text

Somehow, Brendon wasn’t even sure how – he’d found himself in a car that Pete is driving, wedged between Ryan and Travie. He feels pretty bad because they all know that Ryan has to keep their relationship a secret and they’re pissed, quite rightly. Moreover, Brendon and Travie haven’t spoken properly in forever. He figures that Travie spends his time with William and Brendon is increasingly wasting his time on Ryan, between family, school and church. Now, Pete’s busy driving, William is in the front singing along to the radio and Ryan is fast asleep to Brendon’s left – clinging onto Brendon’s arm like it’s his teddy bear. Brendon fails to supress a smile at that. Patrick is driving the other car with Spencer, Jon and two girls in it. Brendon realises it’s the first time that he’s actually seen Pete without Patrick. Before, Brendon had always scowled at those couples but now he is sort of in one of those relationships. Everything has changed since Ryan entered his life. Ryan is the embodiment of beauty and peace as he sleeps. Brendon can’t help but smirk at how fucking perfect his boyfriend is. Brendon doesn’t actually know where there are going. Ryan is adamant that it has to be a surprise.

   Travie is staring out of window, watching the silent streetlights in the dark. Travie turns with a weak smile scrunching up his face.

‘Hey, dude. Sorry we haven’t talked in so long. William is taking up all my time. You know, I never even thought I’d be lucky enough to find someone; let alone someone like William. He’s such a little bitch,’ Travie giggles. Brendon laughs as well because it’s true, William is such a bitch but in the best possible way. ‘He’d be on every Pride walk from here to Alaska or New York. I was in the wrong life; in the ghetto, you know. William made me see that I deserved better. He saved me, Bren. Me – moving schools, getting out of that life – the drugs, the money, the crime – William saves me from that. So -,’ he sighs, ‘I’m sorry about not seeing you.’

Brendon nods. It’s also true, Travie had been on the wrong side of town before – like Pete, and he just needed someone to believe in him. William and Patrick are those types – constantly saving people. Brendon figures Ryan is the same – saving him in a different sense; saving him from an overbearing family and a religion that he’s increasingly sure doesn’t exist. Ryan saves him from himself. ‘Don’t worry. I’ve found other things to fill my time,’ Brendon smirks, his eyes glancing back to Ryan. Travie cackles.

‘So you and him? Is it serious?’

Brendon hesitates. ‘I – I don’t know. I really like him, I think he’s amazing – Trav. But, my parents – their religion – I just don’t think they’d ever be able to accept it, you know. I’m not saying that I don’t want us to be serious – Ryan is the best and the more I spend time with him, the more I think I might be falling in love. But, asking me to choose between Rybear and my family – who I thought I was – I just,’ Brendon trails off.

‘I’m sure it won’t come to that,’ Travie reassures him. Brendon sighs. Let’s hope it doesn’t. ‘Rybear?’ Travie smirks.

‘What do they say about people in glass houses? You call William ‘Princess’.’

‘Yeah, yeah.’ Travie sticks his tongue out at Brendon.

‘Are you talking about me? I heard one of you say Princess?’ William wades in.

‘Nothin’ sexy. Don’t worry,’ Travie replies.

William turns around in the passenger seat to look at his boyfriend. ‘Sexy? How embarrassing are you?’

‘You love it, Princess. Don’t even try to deny it,’ Travie chortles back. William rolls his eyes and returns to singing along with whatever song is on the radio until Pete tells him to ‘shut the fuck up’.

****

Pete pulls up in the parking lot of the diner, seeing Patrick has already gone inside. They walk in, Pete running up front almost like he’s lost without Patrick, Travie and William keeping up but Brendon and very, very sleepy Ryan trailing behind. They tell Pete and Patrick what they want and make for a booth, Ryan snuggling into Brendon’s side.

‘You’re cute when you’re tired,’ Brendon whispers into Ryan’s ear, nibbling slightly on Ryan’s earlobe.

‘Fuck off,’ Ryan scoffs grumpily, his eyes closed.

‘Don’t be grumpy,’ Brendon smiles, placing a long kiss on Ryan’s head.

‘Don’t you homos know when to stop?’ Brendon glances up to be met with Spencer smirking. Ryan’s eyes open.

‘Shut up, Smith. Who’s the girl you brought along?’ Ryan nods to the girl behind Spencer.

‘Oh. This is Haley and that’s Cassie over there with Jon,’ Spencer shrugs.

Brendon smiles at her and she shyly returns his smile.

It’s not long until they are all squashed into a booth. Travie and William are throwing fries at each other and Patrick is eating Pete’s face instead of the food they ordered. Brendon is still holding Ryan into his body and he’s pretty sure that Ryan is listening to his heartbeat. He can’t believe he’s here with the most beautiful guy and the sweetest dudes. For once, he doesn’t feel like his whole life is a shambles. It must be Christmas after all…

Chapter Text

It had been a long drive to LA – four hours with William humming along to the radio; four hours of stroking Ryan’s hair. Brendon is finally stretching his legs down the Californian streets, looking at stores whilst holding Ryan’s hand tight in his own. Travie and William are behind, Pete and Patrick in front – Jon and Cassie, Spencer and Haley somewhere behind. They are walking down an alley that they are not sure is safe. Pete bursts out laughing and Ryan smirks in curiosity.

‘What? What are you laughing at?’

‘We’re going in here,’ Pete giggles, Patrick pulling him back with a whine of ‘Pete’.

‘Why? Wha-,’ Ryan’s voice quivers. He glances up at the shop they are now crowding round. It’s a sex shop. Only Pete would find and demand to go in a sex shop. Ryan sniggers, turning to Brendon – Brendon’s cheeks have are flaming up in embarrassment. Ryan let out a half frown – why did sex make Brendon so uncomfortable? We’re a couple.

‘I’m not going in there,’ Patrick half laughs, rolling his eyes and digging his feet in the ground.

‘Oh, come on Nothing. I can buy you a present, I -,’ Pete smirks.

‘Stop – just stop talking please – I think I’m going to throw up,’ Ryan cringes.

Brendon cracks a smile. ‘You tell me you don’t think about what Patrick and I get up to when we’re alone in the dark, breathing heavily into the silence of night,’ Pete smirks. Despite Patrick’s clear disapproval, he can’t help but let a mischievous expression plague his face as if he’s remembering something.

Ryan shudders to think about it. ‘Pete Wentz, you’re an asshole. But I do think it could be fun to go in the shop.’

Travie and William have just caught up, taking their time down the alleyway. ‘No fucking way. Oh, let’s go in,’ William whimpers, playing up to his nickname.

Travie shakes his head in amused exasperation. ‘You know I’ll do whatever you want Princess. As long as they’ll let us in,’ Travie breathes.

‘This is why you don’t let Pete lead the way,’ Spencer chuckles. ‘You end up in a dark alley, outside a sex store.’

Patrick laughs loudly as does Ryan – it’s true. Only Pete Wentz. Only Pete Wentz.

Ryan turns to Brendon seriously. ‘Wanna have a look, Brennybear?’

Brendon peeks up from his eyelashes, his voice quiet. ‘I – I don’t know. Do you?’

Ryan shrugs. ‘They are really nothing to write home about...’

‘You mean – you’ve been in one before?’

Ryan repeats a shrug. ‘Hey – I’m an atheist teenager living in Las Vegas – what’s a boy to do? – I’m guessing you’re a sex shop virgin,’ Ryan flirts.

Brendon chuckles. ‘Do you want to take my sex shop virginity?’ he retorts.

‘Who wouldn’t? I’m glad you waited for the right guy,’ Ryan purrs back, his lips too close to Brendon’s ear.

‘Well – are we going in or not?’ William asks, his arms crossed against his chest.

‘Yeah, why not?’ Brendon sighs. Pete and William grin triumphantly.

‘This is going to be sooooo funny,’ William laughs – he loves embarrassing Travie as much as Patrick loves embarrassing Pete.

Spencer and Cassie and Jon and Haley decide they’d rather not – after all it’s their first official couple dates so instead they say they’ll find a nice place to eat dinner and text Patrick the details. They wander off into the night as Travie shuts the door behind him.

   ‘You want this?’ Pete asks Patrick, pointing to a vibrator and Patrick rolls his eyes.

‘You need to stop trying to pass off things you want as presents for me,’ Patrick laughs, speaking loud enough for the other boys to hear. ‘I know you love the feel of vibrations against your skin.’

Pete’s face drops, unimpressed. ‘Or maybe this, huh, baby?’ Patrick smirks, hands lacing over the plastic package of handcuffs. Pete sticks his tongue out.

Meanwhile, Brendon’s eyes are being opened- his eyebrows furrowing as he browses around the shelves. He picks up a paddle and stares down at it like it’s a devil’s creation. Ryan thought that it would be fun but now he feels pretty guilty putting the boy into this situation – he just wants to see how squeamish Brendon really is. Ryan is hoping that sex would happen eventually.

‘So you’re supposed to -,’ Brendon gulps.

‘Yeah,’ Ryan smiles.

‘And – people – people really find that sexy?’ he asks. Ryan feels the guilt throbbing in his stomach. It is too soon for this kind of thing – the boy is completely lost. They should have followed Spencer. Ryan bites the inside of his mouth. ‘I’m sorry, Bren. I thought it would be fun to just take the piss out of the things but you – you’re not ready. I’m sorry. I’ll ask Patrick where the others are at and we can get out of here,’ Ryan puffs.

‘No,’ Brendon says sharply. ‘Don’t. I’m sorry. I’m an eighteen year old guy and I can’t even talk about sex with my boyfriend. It’s just – I don’t know – all that religious guilt, you know.’ Brendon brings his body closer to Ryan’s, hands stretching around to press into Ryan’s back until their noses touch. ‘It’s not like I haven’t thought about us like that; it’s not like I don’t want to. I just –,’ Brendon struggles.

‘Its fine, babe. I don’t care. I can wait if you’re not ready.’ Brendon smiles, bringing his lips to Ryan’s. Ryan can hear William and Travie discussing something behind him that he’d rather not hear at all.

‘Make it a Christmas present for both of us?’ William asks.

Travie laughs. ‘Only if you’re sure?’

‘Yeah. I want to. It’ll just make Christmas even more exciting,’ William half moans.

Ryan shivers at the thought. He doesn’t even want to know what they are talking about. Brendon finally pulls back. Ryan asks Patrick where Spencer and Jon have wandered off to, him and Brendon hailing a cab to the restaurant.

****

Half an hour later, the whole group is seated in a place a small Italian restaurant. Ryan knows before he even sits down he’s ordering pizza. William insists on sitting on the inside when Trickett and Peterick finally materialise so Ryan and Brendon end up at the end of their booth. Ryan feels pretty bad that Spencer and Jon are sitting at a different table because it seems like they haven’t really been involved all night. He hopes they are having a good time.

Brendon excuses himself to go to the bathroom. He walks there, not really paying attention to anyone or anything when he hears someone call his name from behind him. He turns around, his eyes widening in surprise.

‘Hey, dude. What are you doing here in LA?’

‘Oh, nothing just chilling with some friends.’

‘Who?’ Gabe asks, his interest obviously piquing.

Brendon looks down at his feet.

Gabe sighs. ‘You’re here with them, aren’t you? Don’t tell me you’re a faggot too, Brendon. I thought you were cool.’

‘Don’t call them that,’ Brendon almost whispers back.

‘Why? They are, aren’t they? Inverts – all of them.’

‘No. They’re -,’ Brendon breathes.

‘Brendon - are you alright, buddy?’ Travie asks.

‘Yeah, I’m fine.’

‘I don’t think we’ve met,’ Travie smiles, placing his hand out.

Gabe sneers across at him. ‘I don’t shake hands with guys like you. God knows what I’ll catch.’

Travie grits his teeth. ‘Guys like me?’ he questions.

‘Yeah. Benders,’ Gabe hisses.

Travie opens his mouth in anger, his fists tightening up at his side. ‘Say that again and you’ll be in a fucking hospital bed. Go on, I dare you,’ Travie whispers.

Brendon keeps silent but his face is terrified. William stalks along behind them. ‘Trav, baby – what’s – are you alright?’ William gasps, reading Travie’s body language. William follows Travie’s glaring eyes over to Gabe.

‘Oh. Hey, twat. Can’t even leave us alone at Christmas, huh?’ William taunts. He turns towards Travie, pressing a peck to his cheek. ‘Go sit down, baby. I have this under control.’ William watches Travie stomp back over to their table. He turns back to Gabe. ‘Look, I don’t know why you hate me and my friends so much but you owe me. You have no idea of what Travie, or Pete for that matter, are capable of. I know, Patrick knows – Ryan and Spencer know but you obviously don’t; so let me let you into a little secret, okay? Travie knows people that could ruin your fucking life – he knows people that have scars and that have done time. Worse than that, Pete knows people that you could only ever have nightmares about. They weren’t like us, lucky enough to be brought up where the grass is green so listen to me – we all love Ryan, every single one of us and if you upset Brendon, you upset Ryan which upsets us. It’s Christmas so this will just be kept between us but next time you might not be lucky enough to have me or Patrick nearby and if Pete or Travie or even Shane catch you saying shit like that – well, I wouldn’t want to be you,’ William smiles politely across at Gabe.

‘Is that supposed to scare me?’ Gabe mocks.

William shakes his head. ‘No. It’s just a really polite warning and some friendly advice – stay away from me and my friends for your own good.’ Gabe snarls at both of them and walks off in the opposite direction to their table. William spins to face Brendon. ‘Are you alright?’ William asks tentatively.

‘Yeah, I’m fine.’ William nods in relief. ‘That stuff you said, is it true? Could they do that?’

William sighs. ‘Brendon – I don’t want to go into it but you can’t imagine the things that they’ve been through for how young they are. That’s why they need people,’ William smiles lightly. Brendon knew some things that unsettled him about Travie and he really didn’t want to delve into much more detail. They walk back to their table.

‘Why did you follow Travie anyway?’

William cackles, his shifting eyes smiling. ‘Oh, no reason.’

I’m not that innocent. ‘Oh My God. You two were going to make out in the toilets,’ Brendon giggles.

‘Maybe,’ William mutters from the side of his mouth. Brendon continues to chuckle as they slide back into their booth.

   By the end of the night, Patrick toasts to them and the New Year – Jon and Spencer coming over as well. They clank drinks together loudly and cheer excitedly, wishing each other ‘Merry Christmas’.

They are walking back to the parking lot late into the Californian night. Travie is chatting with Brendon, Pete with Ryan and Patrick is walking along with William.

‘What was all that about earlier?’ Patrick asks.

William half grins. ‘You don’t miss a trick, do you? – I sorted it, don’t worry.’

Patrick stares at him and William whines. ‘Fine. This asshole turned up – bullying Brendon, I guess, over Ryan – well, over all of us and Travie saw but I sorted it.’

‘How did Brendon react?’ Patrick ponders.

‘I don’t know. I don’t think Trav gave him much time.’

‘Well, for Ryan’s sake let’s hope he was going to defend us,’ Patrick sighs.

William agrees, shaking his head shyly. They continue to walk back to the parking lot.

Chapter Text

Patrick had swapped car loads with Pete on the drive back. William, being William, had demanded that Patrick stop off at a store on before they went home and Ryan had followed him into the shop to babysit. So, now Ryan is absent mindedly browsing whilst keeping an eye on William when from behind him he hears a familiar voice. He turns around to see that the face is correctly identifiable to the voice.

‘Mr Way?’ Ryan gasps in shock.

Gerard turns around with a surprised smile. ‘Oh… Hello, Ryan.’

‘What are you doing in a store at this time of night?’

‘I could ask you the same question,’ Gerard smiles.

‘They ran out of chocolate so I had to get strawberry, sorry baby,’ Frank sighs.

‘Mr Iero?’ Ryan gulps. Frank glances up, in complete embarrassment but Gerard simply smirks and grabs Frank’s hand as he drops the sauce into the basket. ‘Oh, so you’re – I didn’t know you two were together,’ Ryan squeals, mortified himself that his Art teacher and English teacher are a couple.

‘How’s your art project coming along? Managed to talk any sense into Ronnie yet?’

Ryan huffs. ‘It’s alright. Ronnie is a working progress still though,’ Ryan shrugs.

Gerard laughs; Frank is still sporting an appearance of hyperventilation. ‘Ryan, we’d be awfully grateful if you could not tell anyone about us – you know what kids are like,’ Gerard grimaces.

‘Sure, don’t worry I won’t tell a soul,’ Ryan promises – except Brendon.

William stalks up behind him. ‘Come on, Ry, let’s pay and get out of here – Patrick’s waiting.’ He nods at the teachers that he vaguely recognises and drags Ryan to the checkouts with him.

‘Happy New Year, Ryan,’ Gerard almost sings after him.

‘Yeah, you too,’ Ryan mutters.

   Before he knows what’s happening, he’s back in the car – sharing hugs with Brendon’s body heat. He smiles across at his boyfriend. ‘You’ll never guess who I just saw…’ Ryan whispers.

‘Who?’ Brendon whispers back, lips pecking at Ryan’s ear.

****

Two days later and Brendon is officially freaking out – Ryan and Danielle are coming over for dinner. Brendon couldn’t be more scared of what his parents might say or think about Ryan. He has been worrying all day and now it’s only five minutes until Ryan will be standing outside Brendon’s door wanting to come in. The doorbell rings fifteen minutes after it’s expected. Brendon bounds over to the door. He checks the corridor before he opens the door, satisfied with the glittery decorations stuck to the ceiling.

   ‘Hey,’ Brendon smiles, trying not to convey how terrified he is.

‘Hey. Sorry we’re late - my mom couldn’t get away from work.’

‘Hey, Dani,’ Brendon greets warmly.

‘Hello, sweetie,’ she returns his warmth.

‘Come in,’ Brendon sighs, stepping away from the door space, then taking their coats and lining their shoes up against the wall.

‘Brendon, aren’t you going to introduce us?’ his mom sings. Brendon groans internally. No, I’m not because you’re a hypocritical, God fearing judgmental bitch that Ryan won’t even be able to make small talk with. ‘Yeah – Ryan, Dani – this is my mom and dad – Grace and Boyd Urie.’

‘Why don’t you boys go upstairs and I’ll call you down when dinner is ready,’ Grace beams. ‘Dani, you come through to the kitchen and Boyd will get you something to drink.’

Ryan glances back at his mom as if to say ‘best behaviour’ and she nods at him like a grumpy teenager.

   Ryan follows Brendon up the stairs to his bedroom and stares at it as he walks in. The walls are full of Green Day and Blink 182 cut outs alongside articles about musicals and the pile of CDs stacked up against the side all belong to Frank Sinatra.

‘What are you thinking?’ Brendon questions nervously.

‘I never realised you were so gay,’ Ryan mocks, looking at the photo of Judy Garland.

‘Shut up,’ Brendon seriously bites.

Ryan chews his bottom lip. ‘S-sorry. I was only joking, Brenbabe,’ Ryan gulps defensively.

Brendon breathes out from his shoulders, body closing the space between where him and Ryan are sitting, placing his hands into Ryan’s. ‘I know, sorry. I’m just a little tense – having my secret boyfriend in my parent’s house isn’t my idea of a good time.’

Ryan laughs, pressing his lips into Brendon’s neck. ‘I know how to calm you down though, baby,’ Ryan whispers. Brendon feels so vulnerable and stressed out that he lets Ryan push him down on the mattress without fear or awkwardness.

‘Our parents are downstairs, remember?’ Brendon murmurs.

‘I know,’ Ryan chuckles, ‘What do you think I’m going to do to you?’

Brendon lifts his face up to be met with Ryan just sitting there between his legs with no extension of his hands or unfastened clothes. ‘Put your head back down and go onto your stomach.’

Brendon obeys, rolling onto his stomach and feeling Ryan shimmy further inbetween Brendon’s legs. Ryan’s hands snake around Brendon’s shoulders and down his shoulder blades. ‘You’re so tense,’ Ryan giggles as he gently massages Brendon’s shoulders. Brendon moans into the pillow – Ryan’s hands are magic. He can feel his nerve endings dancing lightly under his touch. Ryan’s hands move down, releasing the tension from Brendon’s back muscles. Why have they never done this before? How much more is Ryan holding out on me? Ryan’s hands linger at the bottom of Brendon’s back.

‘Do you want me to -,’ Ryan fumbles.

‘Please, Ry,’ Brendon interjects.

‘Okay,’ Ryan nods. Ryan’s hand ghost over Brendon’s ass, Ryan pressing lightly into it in small repeated circles. Then, his fingers moved down further – pressing at the sensitive spots on Brendon’s thighs and Brendon moans into the pillow louder causing Ryan to chuckle. ‘You like that, huh?’ Ryan presses down harder and Brendon’s whole body flinches.

Brendon gasps for air. ‘Ryan, you never said you could do this,’ Brendon groans.

Ryan laughs. ‘Baby, I can make you feel way more satisfied than this.’

‘I don’t think so,’ Brendon whines.

Ryan laughs, hands smoothing out over Brendon’s calf muscles. ‘There. Do you feel more relaxed?’

Brendon nods in a daze. Ryan backs away from Brendon’s body just as there’s a knock at the door.

‘Brendon, honey – dinner,’ Grace calls through the door.

Brendon jumps up to open it, attempting to not lose the relaxed state Ryan worked so hard to get him into.

****

Brendon thinks his parents are doing pretty well so far. They haven’t strayed to the corruption of man or suffering of Christ – yet.

‘So tell us, Ryan – what subjects did you choose at school?’

‘Errr – I opted for English, Art, Music and History,’ Ryan shrugs.

‘English and Music – just like Brendon,’ she comments.

‘Yeah,’ Ryan agrees, ‘Brendon is in my English class.’

‘Oh, really. That’s the only class he’s failing – maybe you should come over more often and help him out.’

Ryan laughs. ‘I don’t really know how I could help. After all, there’s nothing I can do to help him read, unless I stand behind him with whip,’ Ryan teases. His eyes flicker to Brendon who is supressing a smile.

‘Well, I don’t think that will help,’ Grace replies seriously. Brendon’s dad had always been more of a joker than his mom.

‘Maybe just a baseball bat,’ Boyd chimes in. Brendon bites down on his vegetables in order to not laugh when his mom looks so blatantly unimpressed.

‘So, is that the problem Brendon? You don’t do the reading?’ Dani asks.

Brendon fumbles with his hands under the table. ‘The Great Gatsby is just quite long,’ Brendon shrugs.

Ryan shakes his head. ‘I’m sure Bren knows I’ll help him with his homework at any time.’

Grace finally cracks a small smile. ‘Good. Now you don’t have any excuse,’ she cautions her son.

‘Do you have a girlfriend, Ryan? We’re often telling Brendon that he needs to hurry up about finding a nice girl,’ Boyd snorts.

Ryan’s face burns burgundy. ‘I don’t know any girls that I’m attracted to,’ Ryan stutters.

Dani frowns but remains silent. ‘Oh, high standards?’ Boyd continues.

Ryan glances across to Brendon. ‘Dad, I’m sure Ryan doesn’t want to talk about his personal life over dinner,’ Brendon pleads.

‘Ryan doesn’t mind. It’s not like he’s gay or anything,’ Boyd chuckles.

There’s a dead silence across the table. Ryan peeks over towards Brendon who appears to be infinitely ashamed and pissed off. Ryan swallows because he thinks it’s at him. ‘Well maybe he is,’ Brendon retorts, strength and anger evident in his voice.

‘Oh. I – didn’t realise you were that way inclined,’ Grace sneers.

‘Hey!’ Brendon shouts, ‘don’t talk to him like that.’

‘Brendon – really, it’s fine,’ Ryan confirms.

‘Ry, let the boy speak,’ Dani pipes up, nodding across at Brendon.

‘We meant no disrespect,’ Boyd stammers defensively, ‘I mean, if you don’t care about killing your soul and the corruption of mankind– it’s not our place to tell you that you’re sinning.’

‘Dad – no. Are you fucking with me? Don’t talk to him like that, ever. I will not let anyone talk to my boyfriend like that – not you, not anyone.’

Grace starts to choke on her food. ‘Your what?’

Brendon rubs his face and breathes in and out frantically. There’s no going back now. ‘Ryan’s gay and he’s my boyfriend because I’m Pansexual – if you don’t know what it means fucking Google it – and I don’t want to be a Mormon anymore. It’s all well and good if you want to believe in a God that clearly doesn’t exist but I can’t do it anymore – it’s destroying me. Your version of life is killing me,’ Brendon sniffs, attempting to hold back tears. Ryan can’t contain himself, he simply pushes up until he’s at Brendon’s side extending his arms around Brendon’s shoulders and he doesn’t care if Brendon’s parents don’t like it.

‘I think we ought to leave, Rybear,’ Dani coughs.

‘Yes. Get out and take your faggot son with you!’ Grace screams.

Dani tries her best to not react for the boys’ sake because more arguing would only worsen the situation. Ryan pulls away from Brendon’s body. ‘Are you going to be alright? Do you want me to stay?’

‘No, it’s okay. I’ll call you later,’ Brendon whispers back, a fragile smile splaying across his face.

Ryan and Dani close the door behind them unsure of what fate awaits Brendon. Ryan treads back down the lane worrying that Brendon will never be let out of the house again.

Chapter Text

Brendon did call Ryan that night, in tears, saying that his parents were ridiculously angry. They screamed at him for almost an hour before they told him to go to his room and to not bother coming down until they told him to. Ryan was really upset and worried at his boyfriend’s pain.

‘Ry, I think that they hate me. What if they throw me out? Ryan, where will I go?’

‘Don’t sweat it babe. You can come and live with me. My mom won’t mind.’

‘Thanks,’ Brendon whimpered.

   Then, two days after that a tiny disaster happened. He listened to his cell ring out. Five rings. Six rings. Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve… Ryan was just about to give up when…

‘Can’t you take the hint? I can’t talk to you at the moment, I’m sorry,’ Brendon huffs.

‘What? Are you kidding me?’

‘It’s – complicated, Ry. I’m not saying how I feel about you has changed.     It hasn’t. You make me happy – happier than anyone ever has. But, I can’t – I need some space to think about things.’

‘Are you – are you breaking up with me?’

‘No, not breaking up exactly. I still want to be your boyfriend, Rybear – of course I do. But, I guess being an adult means doing what you have to do rather than what you want to do.’

‘Then, don’t be. We can still be kids. I’m not even eighteen yet. Please, don’t,’ Ryan sniffs.

‘Ryan, Thank you for a wonderful end of this year. I – I’m so sorry, Rybear,’ Brendon whines through wet eyelids and hangs up.

   Ryan’s sitting in his room feeling empty, four days later. They didn’t even speak on Christmas Day. He really wants to call Brendon and ask him if he’s coming to the New Year’s Party that everyone is going to. He knows if he calls Brendon probably won’t answer but he has to give it a go so he just takes his cell in his hand and sighs. He listens to the rings again – one… two –

‘Hello, Ryan?’

‘Hey. I was just ringing to ask if you’re coming to the party?’

‘Oh,’ Brendon laughs. ‘As your boyfriend?’

‘Yeah, of course – unless you still -,’ Ryan replies timidly.

‘No. I’m definitely still your boyfriend. My parents have grounded me for life.’

‘Why not sneak out? How much more pissed can they get?’

‘That’s true,’ Brendon laughs. ‘I think they wish I’d never been born.’

‘I doubt that’s true. They just need some time,’ Ryan promises. ‘I’ll come for you about ten tomorrow then?’

‘Sure thing slut.’

Ryan laughs lovingly. ‘You need to stop calling me that,’ Ryan giggles.

‘It’s kind of my catchphrase now.’

‘Ten, okay – don’t forget,’ Ryan smirks.

‘I won’t. Until tomorrow, Rybear.’

‘See you then,’ Ryan beams. Brendon cuts the line.

****

‘I said ten,’ Ryan laughs.

‘Yeah, sorry. I couldn’t sneak out so I just – well, I walked out the front door.’

Ryan shakes his head. ‘You have to be the worse teenager known to man.’

‘Shut up, nerd of the century.’

‘Come on, my mom’s waiting in the car.’

‘Ryan, can I ask you something?’

‘Sure thing slut,’ Ryan smirks.

‘Where’s your dad?’

Ryan’s cocky expression falters, his walking becomes slower. ‘He – er – He’s away on business. I know what it sounds like but he really is. My mom and I call or talk to him via twitter, Facebook, Skype. He’s always sneaking me selfies of board rooms or places he’s been. He’s in Paris then going to Brussels in the New Year. We thought he’d be coming back for Christmas Day but he couldn’t so,’ Ryan sighs.

‘That’s awful, Ry.’

Ryan shrugs. ‘It’s not so bad.’

‘I’m sorry about when you called last week,’ Brendon says suddenly. ‘I was messed up and my family was there. My parents made me tell all my siblings about everything and – some of them were fine with it and some of them not so much. I don’t think my parents will ever love me in the same way again.’

‘Well, I love you,’ Ryan blurts out without thinking. Brendon halts completely, staring up at Ryan with an unreadable expression.

‘What?’ Brendon murmurs.

‘Nothing. I didn’t say anything,’ Ryan mutters, walking faster and leaving Brendon standing there like an idiot.

‘Yes, you did. You said you love me,’ Brendon smiles.

‘No, I didn’t,’ Ryan whinges, completely embarrassed.

‘Yes, you did.’ Brendon chases after him. ‘You love me,’ Brendon sings.

‘Shut up,’ Ryan snaps.

‘Slow down, Ry. Hey,’ Brendon calls, pulling Ryan back by his arm. ‘I love you too, Rybear.’

Ryan turns around. ‘We can’t. It’s too soon. We’ve only been together four weeks.’

Brendon laughs. ‘I didn’t realise you paid attention to dating protocol so much.’

‘Come on, my mom is waiting,’ Ryan slurs quickly, dragging Brendon towards the car.

****

They jumped out of the car and slammed the doors behind them, walking into some person’s house that they don’t really know. Everyone from the whole school is there. Ryan is automatically greeted by Pete and William then Travie and Patrick and they tell him that Jon and Spencer are floating about somewhere. Dallon comes up to Brendon and hugs both him and Ryan, saying that Andy, Joe and Brent are about. Ryan spied Ronnie with an appearance that could make Goths seem cheerful, eyes staring at where Andy and Juliet are kissing. He was just about to go over when Brendon interrupted him. The music is too loud and the lights are too epileptic – there’s too many drunk people. Brendon dragged Ryan upstairs to a quiet bedroom five minutes ago.

   Brendon leans across the bed, kissing Ryan roughly – tongue not even having to fight for dominance. Ryan pulls away completely in a daze, his body taking control of his head for a second and Brendon stares across with a seductive look prominent across his face.

‘You know, losing you made me realise how much I want us – I want you,’ Brendon whispers through hot breaths. Ryan isn’t sure what Brendon means until Brendon’s eyes sparkle across at him. ‘I want you to be the only person that has everything,’ Brendon whispers, pressing Ryan down into the mattress by his shoulders. Ryan’s been waiting for this moment for almost two years which is why he’s so pissed at himself that he’s about to regrettable ruin it.

‘No, Brennybear. I think you – we should wait a bit longer,’ Ryan protests.

‘What? I know you want to. You took me in a sex shop, remember?’ Brendon laughs.

‘I know. It’s not that I don’t want to but you’re still confused and angry and I won’t -,’ Ryan is interrupted.

‘Rybear! I’m not confused anymore. In fact, everything is so clear in my mind now. I want you. I want you on this bed, on this floor, in every room of my house so I can see my fucking parents’ face.’

Ryan exhales. He’s not going to win. ‘Well, if we’re going to say 2014 is the year you lose your virginity – we only have,’ Ryan glances at his watch, ‘an hour,’ Ryan smiles.

‘An hour. If you can do it for that long then I’m afraid you’ll be bitterly disappointed with me,’ Brendon chortles nervously.

‘Do you want to bottom or top?’

Brendon’s face burns red. ‘I – errr – I don’t know. Which one – Which one is better?’

Ryan shrugs. ‘Topping is good if you like control and not being you know – stretched too much – but the bottom is where your prostate is so – it – err – just depends on – on,’ Ryan trails off because Brendon is sliding his t-shirt off and continues to unbutton his skinny jeans.

‘Bottom?’ Brendon choices wearily.

‘You sure? We don’t have to –.’

‘No. Ryan Ross – listen to me – I’m consenting – I want to. It’s been driving me crazy. Now, get on top of me or I’ll have to drag you there,’ Brendon orders and Ryan laughs, climbing closer to his boyfriend.

‘Can this be the gifts we didn’t give each other on Christmas Day?’ Ryan requests as Brendon shimmies out of his jeans.

Brendon shakes his head and Ryan frowns. ‘Rybear, you’re the gift I missed on Christmas Day.’

Ryan bends down, kissing Brendon firmly on the lips – innocently all lips but no mouth. ‘Merry Christmas Brendon Urie.’

‘Merry Christmas Ryan Ross. Now take your clothes off before I do it for you.’

Ryan rolls his eyes. ‘God, no-one told me you are so bossy in bed. You trying to give William a run for his money?’ Ryan teases.

Brendon simply ignores him, forcing Ryan down by neck and smashing their lips together.

Chapter Text

Ryan and Brendon guiltily stumble down the stairs and back into the heart of party. Pete and Patrick are exactly where they were when they walked in.

‘Have you seen William and Travie?’ Patrick asks.

‘No, sorry Nothing,’ Ryan shrugs.

‘Where have you been anyway?’ Dallon interrupts.

‘You know – about,’ Brendon breathes weakly, exchanging a naughty glance with Ryan.

Dallon knows what he means but he doesn’t say anything. He simply rolls his eyes. Ryan’s eyes stray to Ronnie, still on his own – with a bottle of beer that he hasn’t even touched.

‘Hey – Dallon, you see that guy over there,’ Ryan nods towards Ronnie and Dallon turns to look, ‘what do you think? When he’s not looking like there’s an apocalypse he’s actually really nice,’ Ryan reassures him.

Dallon makes an unconvinced expression. For some reason Ronnie turns revealing all his face and Dallon’s mouth pulls up at the corners. ‘Okay. I take it back, he’s cute.’

‘Do you want me to introduce you?’

     Dallon gives them both a reptilian smirk. Brendon scoffs. ‘Rybear, there’s no need – watch this,’ Brendon advises. Ryan watches as Dallon walks over, leaning down on the table Ronnie is sitting at.

‘What’s a pretty little thing like you doing all alone on New Year’s Eve?’

Ronnie scoffs at him. ‘Avoiding questions like that.’

‘Oh, come on.’ Dallon sits down on the stool next to Ronnie. They both look up to see Andy glance over with an annoyed expression. ‘I think a New Year should be for new beginnings – just leave the pain of this year behind.’

Ronnie turns towards him. ‘You don’t know anything about me,’ Ronnie laughs sceptically.

‘I know Ryan likes you and I trust Ryan’s judgement.’

‘You don’t even know Ryan,’ Ronnie glowers.

‘Then, I’m easily swayed and I let people take advantage of me,’ Dallon retorts playfully.

Ronnie laughs again. ‘Do you really want me that much?’

Dallon shrugs. ‘You’re cute and you have a pretty smile.’

Ronnie smiles again, earnestly this time – a smile that Ryan hasn’t witnessed in months.

   ‘Wow. He’s really going for it,’ Ryan hoots.

‘Mhmm. When Dallon’s on the pull, I don’t envy anyone that gets in his way,’ Brendon chuckles.

Victoria Asher is approaching them – she’s another popular kid. Ryan frowns. Don’t, Don’t, Don’t. Don’t –

‘Gabe told me about you hanging out with them and I thought he was kidding but here you are,’ she snarls.

Automatically, Pete and Patrick rush to Ryan’s defence. ‘Hey, you stupid bitch – leave them alone,’ Pete screams.

‘Pete -,’ Patrick cautions.

‘No, Pete’s right. If she can’t accept that people fall in love then she is a stupid bitch,’ Brendon snorts fiercely, arm around Ryan’s waist. Everyone is watching and waiting. ‘Well, if you’re all listening,’ Brendon shouts, addressing the entire room, ‘you can all hear it now from my fucking mouth – I‘m in love with George Ryan Ross and if anyone has a problem with it then you can just do everyone else a favour and fuck off.’

Victoria stands, mouth wide open and walks away, feet heavy against the ground. Brendon turns to face Ryan, fingers scooping up the boy’s face. ‘I love you, Ryan and I don’t care who knows about it. I’ll tell everyone on this entire planet if it makes you happy,’ Brendon sniffs, eyes going foggy.

‘You didn’t have to do that… I love you too – you know I do,’ Ryan whispers, wiping Brendon’s tears away. ‘Hey, it’s New Years – we can’t have you looking all undone like that,’ Ryan sniffs, pressing his lips softy, angelically onto his boyfriend’s lips.

   William appears from no-where Travie loitering with him; William’s hair is messed up and Travie’s belt isn’t done up properly. ‘It’s two minutes to New Year – everyone grab a person,’ William shouts excitedly. Everyone rushes around trying to find people, the whole of the both gangs coming together – Spencer with Haley, Jon with Cassie, Joe and Andy with random girls, Trickett, Peterick, Dallon and Ronnie and finally, Ryden. Ryan glances across at Ronnie to behold Ronnie and Andy share a look. Andy’s eyes are saying ‘I’m sorry – please forgive me.’ and Ronnie simply nods, smiling back at him as if to say ‘I’m putting this behind me.’ It’s an invisible truce that Juliet doesn’t realise is commencing because she interrupts it, grabbing Andy’s face teasingly. The atmosphere is electric as everyone counts down. TEN. NINE. EIGHT. SEVEN. SIX. FIVE. FOUR. THREE. TWO. ONE. HAPPY NEW YEAR. Everyone is kissing their partner but no-one is as happy as Ryan, the boy he thought would never even consider him is seeing in the New Year in his arms, in his pants, in his mind and he couldn’t be happier.

   Another hour later, Ryan feels too bad to get his mom to pick them up so him and Brendon say their farewells to all their friends and get a taxi back to their street. Ryan walks Brendon home like the gentleman he is – neither of them have had a single drop of alcohol but both of them feel drunk. Ryan is standing outside Brendon’s door and outside in the winter wind – there’s a magical feeling.

‘Don’t tell me I have to go in,’ Brendon whines, resting his head on Ryan’s shoulder.

‘Sorry. You’re still related to them whether they like it or not,’ Ryan smiles, hand creeping up to stroke Brendon’s hair. Brendon’s head sneaks up to Ryan’s lips once more. Ryan kisses him back, melting under his boyfriend’s affection.

‘Happy New Year, Rybear,’ Brendon sings.

‘Happy New Year, Brennybear.’

‘It is, it really is and all because of you, slut,’ Brendon smirks.

‘Save that talk for the bedroom,’ Ryan jokes. There’s a small content silence between them as the wind blows and their bodies shiver – stars shining clear as night. Ryan exhales cloudy oxygen. ‘I need to go back, baby. I promised my mom,’ Ryan sighs.

Brendon nods sadly. ‘Text me when you get back so I know you haven’t died.’

‘It’s only down there. Look! You can see my house from here, old lady,’ Ryan giggles.

Brendon fiddles with his keys, placing them in the door and opening it. He brings his lips to Ryan’s one last time. ‘Text me!’

‘I will, I promise,’ Ryan beams and turns to wander back home – not turning behind him because he knows Brendon will still be watching him from his front door. As Ryan shuffles in the cold, he feels strange – he feels warm inside – he feels happy, truly and unbreakably happy.

****

Ryan sniffles in the cold desert night. He shoves his keys in the door, hands shaking. He bursts in and to his surprise all the lights are still on, the television blaring out from the sitting room. Ryan stumbles into it, completely confused. In his shock, he doesn’t notice the extra pair of shoes at the door nor the suitcase lying by the stairs. He absentmindedly strolls into the room. He can’t believe his eyes. His mom is eating the face off some guy – no – wait – that’s not some guy – it can’t be – it is – is it?

‘D-dad?’ Ryan gasps. George pulls away from Dani to smile across at Ryan.

‘Hello, Rybear. I’m real sorry that I’m late – I hope you can forgive me, kiddo,’ George breathes.

Ryan grins like a toddler given free reign of a sweetshop. ‘Dad!’ he charges at his father, arms out and he doesn’t care if he isn’t supposed to at his age. He settles into his father’s shoulders. ‘I thought you said…’

‘Yeah, well – some things are simply more important than money,’ George mouths, eyes trailing back to Dani. ‘I’ve missed you both more than you’ll ever know. Get in here, Dan.’ Dani laughs, arms slotting inbetween her son and husband. Ryan Ross was wrong before – now he has never been happier. Something tells him this coming year is going to be the best year yet. After all, he has all the people he loves most in the Milky Way in his heart and what more could anyone wish for? Christmas wishes really do come true.

Epilogue:

A lot of things did change over the years but Brendon and Ryan’s love for each other never faded. How could anyone know that when Brendon dropped a pen it would spark a love that lasted an eternity? After Pete cheated on Patrick for the fifth time, Patrick had to make the decision to call it a day. He didn’t want to – he wanted Pete to stay. He just couldn’t take it anymore – all the worrying about where Pete was and what or who he was doing. So, after ten years of trying to get past everything Pete threw at him, he made the most painful decision he would ever make to let Pete go. After two years of being together William and Travie were having their own issues. Travie started to get back into the hood again – drug dealing, soliciting, committing crimes for bad people. William thought he would come back to him if he just waited. William wanted to wait a lifetime. William gave Travie an ultimatum – choose his old life or their future. Travie left and never came back. So, William did wait – he waited three years hoping that Travie would see sense and come back; not able to let go. He spent the three years after they broke up living with Travie’s ghost, on his cell to Ryan late at night saying that he should have tried harder to save him, saying he gave up on him, saying he couldn’t live without him, crying about how they were supposed to spend their whole lives together. Even after everything, Brendon and Ryan were in love with each other unconditionally. Brendon’s parents eventually accepted Ryan as part of the Urie household when it became clear he wasn’t going away. Brendon’s parents even paid for their wedding. Ryan and Brendon had a whole brood of dogs instead of children and decided to grow old together at beachside condo in California – Patrick and William all the way in Chicago sharing a house together. Patrick eventually moved on and found this guy that looked exactly like Pete, Paris. William swore off relationships and focused on having an enriching career instead. Ryan and Brendon are now going into their forties – teenage years far behind them. Ryan is walking the dogs down the sunny Californian street. Ryan’s eye is caught by something in the window of this florist. He goes in, hoping the tiny Beagle puppy he has with him won’t be a problem. He thinks the art of winding flowers into shapes is pretty cool.

   He walks towards the counter not looking at what he’s doing at all until he hears –

‘Shit, man – no way. No actual way is this happening!’

Ryan’s eyes glance up to meet Travie with an apron and a nametag. ‘Fuck. Travis McCoy, it can’t be. Well you’ve aged so Goddamn well, dude.’

‘How have you been, you look well?’

‘Yeah, Brendon and I are -.’

‘Brendon? Shit, you’re still with Brendon? I guess romance isn’t dead after all. Shit.’

Ryan feels embarrassed to say that he’s only ever been with one person, even if he’s the kindest, sexiest, most amazing person ever. ‘Y-yeah. We’re still together, almost thirty years now,’ Ryan smiles.

Travie looks down, fiddling with flower stems on the counter. ‘How – how’s William?’

Ryan half grimaces. ‘Do you really care? You left him for a bunch of crack snorting, pimping, drug mulling thugs, or is your memory as bad as your commitment?’

‘Yeah,’ Travie breathes. ‘I – I figured he was better off without me in the end, I guess. He – he deserved so much better – someone that liked art museums and that he didn’t need to worry about like he did with me.’

‘Better? You’re kidding, right? You know William never got with anyone else after you. He blamed himself – he said that he drive you to it – that he would never love anyone again. I still think he’s in love with you, you know, even after all this time.’

‘What?’ Travie gasps. ‘Really? He did that but -.’

‘Yeah, well you know William – the most stubborn bitch you’ll ever meet. He said if he couldn’t be your Princess, he didn’t want to anyone’s anything.’

Travie laughs. ‘That does sound like William,’ he sniffs. ‘Fuck, I thought he’d get over it.’

‘I’ll give you his number – you should call him – at least let him know you’re alive and that you’re not rotting in some brothel, drug pen somewhere. He’d like to hear from you.’

‘B – but what – what do I say?’

‘I don’t know – that you’re sorry,’ Ryan shrugs.

‘I can’t,’ Travie shakes his head.

****

‘You actually saw Travie – in Cali – what’s he doing here?’

‘Working in a Florists, I guess.’

Brendon settles into the duvets next to Ryan’s body. ‘Ry, baby, stop whatever you’re thinking – okay? William is not our concern.’

‘He needs to know. The man has been in love with him for almost thirty years as much as Patrick is still in love with Pete,’ Ryan whines.

‘Rybear – it’s none of business now, okay? Leave it.’

‘I can’t just leave. William deserves an ending at least.’

‘Ryan Ross-Urie – what exactly do you think is going to happen exactly? That William will be just take Travie back after almost a lifetime apart?’

‘Well, no…’

‘Or that Travie will want to answer all of William’s questions?’

‘Well, no…’

‘Then, just leave it be, babe. Unless you want William to take a week off work and disappear like he did last time? You want Patrick on the phone in the early morning telling us that William has left? You want him to have another mental breakdown?

‘Well,’ Ryan huffs because he hates it when Brendon is sensible, ‘fine.’

‘You’ll leave it, right? It’s for the best.’ Ryan nods in agreement. ‘Good, now come here,’ Brendon smirks. Ryan leans across and pecks at Brendon’s neck.

   The next morning, Brendon couldn’t believe his eyes when Patrick and William were outside their house. He knows even before he asks that Ryan is behind it.

‘We boarded the first plane we could. What’s wrong? Ryan said it’s an emergency,’ Patrick stutters, concern spreading across his face.

Brendon sighs – a long, annoyed sigh. ‘You two better come in,’ Brendon huffs.

****

‘Ryan Ross,’ Brendon whispers from the kitchen, he always leaves off his name when he’s angry, ‘what were you thinking? Did Travie give you some pills when you saw him yesterday?’

‘No,’ Ryan hisses back, ‘William has this chance to be happy, Bren. Don’t you see that? This is the chance to fix things – how they’re supposed to be.’

‘This is real life, Ry – not a fucking fairy tale.’

‘Well, it’s too late now anyway. Travie’s on his way over.’

‘What?’

‘Go back in there and tell Patrick you want to speak with him, then we’ll all sneak out the back and leave them to it.’

Brendon pulls Ryan into his body by his waist. ‘You’re lucky that you’re cute,’ he flirts – he can never stay mad at Ryan.

****

There’s a knock at the door and as nobody else comes out the kitchen to answer it, William sceptically gets up and opens the door.

There Travie stands. There he stands in the flesh – breathing. William simply stares at him. It’s him. It’s really him. After five minutes of silence and William staring, Travie starts to feel uncomfortable and simply must say something.

‘H – hello. It’s – err – been a while,’ Travie gulps nervously.

William’s eyes are wet, his face conflicted like he doesn’t know what to say first. William suddenly grabs at Travie, pulling him inside the house and pushing him onto the sofa then piling on top of him. ‘There’s a lot of things I want to say but it can wait,’ William breathes inbetween kisses. ‘I’ve missed you. You don’t know how much I wished you were here every day that we have been apart,’ William sniffs, hands pulling at Travie’s belt.

Travie simply smiles. ‘I do know, believe me Princess – I do.’

   After that, William moved to California to live with Travie and Patrick and his Pete clone moved in with Ryan and Brendon. It wasn’t like it had been, all those years ago in Las Vegas and they all wished that Pete was there and not Patrick’s pet – Paris but there was nothing they could do. Ryan and Brendon weren’t super human, just two guys that believe in love. That’s all they really knew about – they had been in love since high school and in a world where love was supposed to be dead, they spent their life proving the world wrong. They would reinvent love.