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His eyesight is getting better. He can’t make out the individual buttons and knobs in the cockpit, but people are distinct shapes now, rather than giant blurs. Still, it’s humiliating to stumble around or be guided through his own ship.
Han can only hope the hibernation sickness will wear off soon.
Leia suggests he get some sleep. It’s pointless to argue he’s been asleep for practically a year.
In his bunk, Han drifts off quickly.
He can see every dent and scrape on the ceiling when he opens his eyes again. Putting on his vest, Han makes his way to the main hold. Leia, Chewie, Lando, and the droids are all gathered.
“Where’s Luke?”
Chewie and Lando shrug. “He took off somewhere.”
Leia doesn’t say anything, but her expression tells Han Luke told her. She looks at him, silently asking not to pry.
He compiles and changes the subject, “What’s our plan? We heading back to the fleet?”
They are, of course, when Luke gets back. Leia and Luke will not abandon the Alliance, Lando’s apparently agreed to join up (he’s been offered a commission), C-3PO will go with Leia, and R2-D2 will go with Luke.
Han’s free to do whatever he chooses; he’s made no official commitment to the rebels. Chewie will go wherever Han goes.
----------
The pilot’s seat creaks familiarly as Han sits.
He has a hard time believing he was out of it for a year when so little seems to have changed, but those are only the things.
Lando’s taken on the responsibility they avoided for years. Luke became a Jedi knight and dueled Vader, losing his hand in the process. Though he claims otherwise, Chewie is itching to rejoin the Alliance.
Leia’s changed too, although Han hasn’t been able to figure out exactly how.
The door opens behind him and he turns to see Leia idling in the passage, “Can I come in?”
“Yeah, it’s not like anyone else is taking up space.”
She takes the copilot’s seat and looks out the cockpit at Luke’s X-wing, sitting several meters from the Falcon.
“You gonna to tell me where he went?” Han asks nodding in its direction.
Sighing softly, “Luke went to his uncle’s farm.”
“You didn’t go with him.”
Leia shakes her head. “He wanted to go alone.”
Han nods.
“I’m worried about him.”
The kid’s remark about growing up on this planet rushes back to Han. Luke may have been joking about there being nothing to see, but the place has some significance to him.
“He’ll be fine. Tatooine is rough, but it’s nothing he can’t handle.”
She stiffens some, “That’s not what I’m concerned about.”
His brow furrows as he really looks at her for the first time since his eyesight came back.
She’s wearing an old uniform, but her hair is in a long, single braid hanging down her back. It’s an unusual style for her. In all the time Han’s known her, he’s only seen it like this once before. He knows she likes to keep it pinned up and out of the way.
Her expression is difficult to read. There’s a hardness to her face, Han doesn’t think he’s ever seen before. It suits her.
The infuriating girl he and Luke sprang from the Death Star’s detention center is gone. Before him is a woman, who not only has admitted she loves him (twice), but who is extraordinary in every way.
Han’s not sure he’ll ever know what happened in the past year to change Leia; he’s not sure it matters because Han loves her – everything he knows and everything he hasn’t discovered.
With his foot his swivels the co-pilot’s seat to face him and takes Leia’s hands in his, diverting her attention away from Luke’s X-wing.
“Hey, he’ll be fine.”
His mind wanders back to another conversation with Leia, one that feels like it was only hours ago – before carbonite, torture, and betrayal. She was worried about different things then – 3PO’s disappearance, not being able to trust Lando, and his own leaving.
Leia’s face softens. There is a small sense of accomplishment in being able to sooth her troubles, if only a little.
“I suppose, I should be more worried about you, shouldn’t I?”
Han grins, “If I’m going to get myself killed, I’ll run into it head first; not sulk about it.”
His teasing doesn’t have the intended effect; Leia’s mood shifts unexpectedly between heavy and light.
And, for a third time, Leia repeats, “I love you.”
(Han will try desperately and fail miserably to keep count of the number of times she says it.)
This time, the correct response rolls easily off his tongue, “I love you too.”
He was so sure he wasn’t going to see her again. He was either going to die in the freezing process or he would never be freed from his stasis prison. (What would have been the point in telling her?)
The seat beneath him creaks again as Leia pushes him backward in it, firmly kissing him on the mouth. Mildly stunned, Han responds in kind.
It’s not the kiss which surprises him; it’s her nimble fingers unbuttoning his shirt.
He goes for hers too.
They don’t get far undressing each other, not because either of them is hesitant, but because the door slides open.
Chewie roars in embarrassment.
Rather than deny Chewie access to the cockpit, Han and Leia slip past him. They make for the cramped but more appropriate bunk. The door isn’t closed properly before they resume tearing off each other’s clothes.
They danced around their feelings for years; derision, attraction, bickering, denial. For all his brash and brazen flirting, Han can’t understand what could have possibly made a princess fall in love with a guy like him.
----------
Luke comes back hours later, claiming he has to return to his Jedi master. Leia’s agitated by his decision for immediate departure, but he is determined to complete his training before rejoining the fleet.
Han doesn’t envy Luke’s devotion to his training, but he could use some clarity in deciding what to do next.
There’s no debt to be paid or bounty on his head. He doesn’t have to go back to the Alliance either. Nothing could stop him if what he wanted was to return to the way things were before he met Luke and the old man.
He’s made no commitments; no deals or promises. Now would be as easy a time as any to cut ties and head the other direction.
But it’s not as easy as that.
No commitments, but personal investment. No deals, but reliability. No promises, but love.
It could be so easy but it’s not.
Luke disappears to his X-wing almost as fast as he reappeared on the Falcon and the two ships take off together. Leia watches, unblinking, as the fighter grows smaller in the distance.
Once again, Han’s staring at her trying to figure her out.
She could have used sex to keep him from leaving, but she didn’t and won’t. Even if she wants him to stay, she doesn’t need him to – never has.
Han swallows hard.
He’s going to have to make this decision for himself.
----------
“Captain Solo, may we have a word with you?” Mon Mothma is the last person Han expected to see in the hangar bay. She is flanked by the Admiral, but it doesn’t make her any less out of place. Then, casting a sideways glance at Chewie, “In private.”
He follows them to a room off the main council chamber. From the spread across the table, it looks like they’ve been doing tactical planning for three or four missions simultaneously. He recognizes a hologram in the corner: the read-out of the Death Star. It’s accompanied by another, near-identical diagram.
A second Death Star.
Probably more powerful than its predecessor.
“Please sit,” Mothma offers. “Are you aware the Alliance is planning its next offense against the Empire?”
“It may have come up, but I don’t know any of the details.”
“Because we’ve only informed those with the proper authorization.” There’s a hint of reservation and annoyance in Mothma’s voice, like she can’t believe they’re talking to him about this at all.
Han nods warily.
Gravely, Ackbar speaks, “This is an attack on multiple fronts; we would like you to lead the ground assault.”
If he wasn’t seated, Han would stagger backwards.
“We’re offering you a commission, Captain Solo,” Ackbar continues. “Despite your unwillingness to join the Alliance you have aided in its most decisive victories and become an unofficial liaison for the rebellion to… independent shippers. Your return to the fleet is invigorating to morale. We need leaders like you.”
This isn’t the first time they’ve offered him a commission, but it is the first time he doesn’t immediately say no.
In so many words, Ackbar made the same argument Leia did a year ago. But Ackbar can’t make Han feel ashamed of his non-commitment the way she did.
The shame of always running and never fighting for anything, looking out for himself. He fought for the Alliance, but he never believed in the cause.
But if he didn’t believe in the cause why the hell did he stick around as long as he did? As an excuse to not to pay back Jabba? Because he felt responsible for looking after Luke? Because he thought anything would ever come of him and Leia?
All valid, but untrue reasons.
He never wanted to stay before because he never wanted to make it his fight.
“So what’s the plan?”
Mothma and Ackbar stare blankly at him then at each other then back at him.
“Does this mean you will accept the commission?” Mothma obviously did not expect him to agree to their offer.
“There’s more to me than money, Senator Mothma.”
----------
Han hangs back after the tactical conference is over. As the crowd dissipates, he discovers he is not alone.
Leia’s beaming, “I thought you were leaving.”
He could easily claim he decided to stay for her, but that’s simply not the truth. And Han wants to be completely honest with her from now on.
“Yeah. Well, I could have, but I’m in it for your revolution, sweetheart.”