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Baz
I can’t breathe.
I’m trapped. I can’t move, I can’t escape.
The best I can do is scratch the wood over my head until my fingernails break and my fingers bleed. I’m like an enraged animal.
Maybe I deserve to be trapped here. It’s a fucking coffin after all.
That doesn’t mean I’ll stop trying to break that damn thing. Until… Until…
I wake up panting, the only things covering me being the blanket and one of Snow’s wings.
I’m not back in the coffin. I’m in Simon’s room.
Simon’s room, Simon’s room, Simon’s room.
But the weight over me is stifling and it’s dark. It’s so fucking dark.
Am I really in Simon’s room?
My heart beats faster, so much so that its rhythm is probably close to that of a person and that it hurts.
I try controlling my breathing, like I taught Snow to do when he has a panic attack, but it doesn’t work. The more I focus on calming, the more I panic.
It’s dark.
It’s so dark.
I can barely breathe.
I need to escape.
I push the covers with my feet like a maniac.
I need to get out of here.
I roll out of bed, almost knocking into Snow’s wing. I try to leave the room without waking him up but my hands are trembling so much I miss the handle my first try .
I rush to the bathroom and press the lightswitch the moment I’m close enough to do so.
Light.
Finally.
I let out a shaky breath, and slump against the wall, my body falling down until I’m sitting with my forehead on my knees and my trembling arms around my legs.
…
Simon
When I wake up, Baz isn’t next to me. That’s strange. He never wakes up before me.
What’s even stranger is that there’s no light filtering through the bottom of the blind. If the sun had risen already, I should be able to see some of its rays shining in the room.
The red numbers on the digital alarm clock confirm my doubt. It’s not morning yet, it’s only 3:37. So why isn’t Baz here? He can barely get out of bed late in the morning, let alone so early.
There’s something wrong.
I have to find him.
Turns out it’s not difficult to do so ; the moment I’m outside of the room I can see light coming from under the bathroom door. Crowley I hope he didn’t lock himself in there, the last time I tried an opening spell, the door exploded. “Babe? You okay in there?” I say, knocking softly.
“Yes, go away Snow.” His voice sounds like he’s been crying. I’m definitely not going away.
He’s probably not expecting me to anyway. I never went away when he told me to, I’m not going to start now.
I press down the door handle and, thankfully, it opens. My eyes immediately scan the room for Baz and I find him hugging his knees on the floor, his face hidden.
Aleister Crowley.
I’m next to him in an instant, slinging an arm around his shaking shoulders.
“Go back to sleep,” he mumbles, shrugging to chase my hand away.
“Yeah, I’m definitely going to leave you sobbing in the bathroom while I sleep, sounds like a plan.” I kiss the top of his head, rubbing circles on the part of his back I can access. “Love, tell me what’s wrong.”
He shakes his head. Stubborn git. “It’s nothing,” he says, sniffing.
“Clearly, it’s not. Come on, whatever it is I’m not going to judge you.”
“It’s stupid.”
“Basil. You cried when we watched Tangled. I’m pretty sure what’s upsetting you right now can’t be as bad.”
He chuckles, a wet sound, because of all the crying he’s been doing. “Fuck off. It was sad when Flynn Rider was dying.”
“Sure, Baz, sure.”
I don’t push him again. He knows what I want, he’ll answer eventually. I give him the time he needs to collect himself, his breathing evening out as I whisper sweet nothings to him, kissing his hair and stroking his back.
…
Baz
“I had a nightmare. I couldn’t calm down in our room so I came here,” I say, straightening my back to rest it against the wall. It traps Snow’s hand there, but he isn’t complaining and I don’t want his hand to go. It feels nice, this hot spot on my back. Comforting.
He hums. “Wake me up next time, okay? I don’t like thinking about you here alone after you had a nightmare.”
Merlin, he’s so caring. I don’t deserve him.
I won’t wake him up next time, though.
“What was it about? Your nightmare, I mean,” he says. “You don’t have to tell me, but I’d like to know.”
Crowley, he’s talking to me like I do to him when he wakes up screaming and crying.
We’re both such messes.
I turn to look at him. There’s worry in his blue eyes.
I’ve never talked to Snow about my time with the Numpties. He knows it’s something that happened, but I left it at that. It’s humiliating enough talking about the fact that bloody Numpties could keep me in a coffin for six weeks, it’s even worse to admit it left me with nightmares and a stupid fear of the dark.
Honestly, what am I, five?
Even my youngest sister isn’t afraid of the dark anymore.
So I really don’t want to talk to him about it. But he’s here and he cares and I know he won’t make fun of me. He’s too nice to make fun of me.
“You know how when I went missing in eight year I was locked in a coffin? That’s what I dreamt about. I… It was so dark in there. There was no light shining through whatsoever, except when they opened it to give me blood. It has made it… Difficult for me to be calm when I’m in complete darkness, even more so after I’ve had a nightmare about it. When I lived alone, I left the blinds open so that some of the moonlight would gleam inside the room but well, here the blinds are closed, which makes the room particularly dark. So when I woke up and I couldn’t see any light, I panicked.”
“Oh, Baz,” Snow says under his breath, trying as best as he can to put his arms around me. It’s clumsy and uncomfortable, but Simon Snow is hugging me so I can’t bring myself to care much. His body is warm and his breathing hot against my neck. It feels good. It feels safe. “You should have told me, about the light. I’d have left the blinds open or something, whatever you need to feel more at ease in our room.”
Our room. I like those words. Not so long ago, it was his room.
“You like sleeping in the dark. You’ve already accepted to let the window close, I… I didn’t want to bother you more.”
“Is that why you didn’t tell me? Merlin, Baz, I don’t care. I don’t mind losing a little bit of comfort at all if it means that you’re in an environment that’s safe for you. I told you, you’re home here. I want this place to feel like home for, and home should be safe.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. Besides, I don’t mind the window being closed that much now that I get to sleep next to you. You’re my own little ice pack.”
I snort. Crowley he’s an idiot. An adorable one, but an idiot.
“Snow, just stop talking and let’s go back to bed, okay? The tiles are freezing my arse, and they must be hard on your knees.”
…
Simon
I focus to make my wings retract when we get in bed -it’s something I can do now, since my magic has started working again- so that I can lay on my back, Baz curling up to my side with his head on my chest and one leg in between mine. It’s how he prefers to sleep, though it’s not how we usually do. Spooning is easier because I can leave my wings out, and I like holding Baz close like that, his whole body lining up against mine.
“Love, I had an idea. Please don’t take it the wrong way, but I remember this thing Daphne did for the twins when they were younger ; the little stars on their ceiling. Do you know the spell? Could you do it? I thought it would be a nicer source of light than just the moonlight. Stars are pretty.”
‘Stars are pretty’ I’m such a fucking idiot. This is such a stupid argument, but I’m really afraid my suggestion is going to offend Baz. He’s one proud arsehole.
He doesn’t seem offended, though, he just smiles as he looks up to me. “That’s actually a good idea, Snow. I can’t believe you thought and had a good idea. Doesn’t your head hurt?”
“I’m never being nice to you ever again,” I laugh. “So, those stars?”
“I’m starting to think they’re more for you than for me,” he smirks as he reaches for his wand. “ Twinkle twinkle little star ”
As soon as he’s done casting the spell, hundreds of stars that look just like those in the sky appear over our heads. It’s beautiful.
“It reminds me of when we shared magic,” I whisper fondly.
It seems forever ago, when I still thought I hated Baz and he hated me. I was such a fool.
“Now that you say it, it’s true, it does,” he answers, kissing my chest.
Before Baz and I got together, I associated the cold with something negative and unpleasant, but having discovered the feeling of Baz Pitch’s cold hands and lips on my warm skin, I quickly changed my mind.
Now cold is something I want to feel, as long as it comes from my handsome vampire boyfriend.
Then, he settles more comfortably against me, one of his hand on my chest, close to where he just kissed me.
“Feeling better?” I ask as my own hand makes his way into his hair, playing with the silky black waves.
“Much. Thank you. I think I’m going to be able to sleep, now,” he says with a yawn.
“Good. Before you sleep, though, do you think you could… uh… you know...”
“Spit it out, Snow.”
“Tell me about the stars. Please.”
I can’t see his face, but I just know he raised his stupid eyebrow. Annoying bastard. “What do you mean?”
“The stars, they’re like those in the sky, right? Tell me about them. You know, constellations and stuff. I know you know constellations, you’re a nerd.”
It makes him laugh.
“Yes, Snow, I do know about constellations. Daphne taught me about them, it’s one of the first things we bonded over. She is fascinated by stars.”
“So you can tell me about them?”
“Sure, if you want.”
He shifts, to be a little bit more on his back so that it makes it easier for him to look at the ceiling. Then he raises one of his hands and point at some stars. “This one right there is Cassiopeia. You have it on your hip.”
“What?”
“Your moles… they... ” he clears his throat. I’m pretty sure he’s blushing. “I noticed that some of your moles formed constellations. You have Cassiopeia on your left hip.”
This man acts all tough and mean all the time but he’s associated my moles with constellations. I love him.
“Show me.”
...
Baz
I don’t ask what. I simply roll over, in between his legs that he opens a bit more when he understands what I’m doing, until I’m nestled comfortably in the warmth of his thighs. His hand is still in my hair, stroking it tenderly. I rest my chin at the juncture between his leg and lower belly.
And then I start tracing the stars on his skin.