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“I’m telling you, Lily, it was bullshit!” Remus hissed as he stirred another packet of powdered creamer into his coffee cup. The smell wasn’t making him feel better, but that was the whole point after all. If he wanted to be able to make a good argument this afternoon, he needed to keep his fury stoked.
“I know,” Lily said, raising her eyebrows at him over her chai. “You’re been ranting for ten minutes. Actually, I knew as soon as I walked in and saw you sulking over a coffee.”
Remus wrinkled his nose at the vaguely taupe sludge in his mug. Per usual, Lily was correct—he had been fuming all morning, and the devil’s drink was doing its job all too well.
He added another packet.
“Here comes Four-Creamer Remus,” Lily muttered. “Lock your doors, everyone.”
“You are not being very supportive.” That was a lie and they both knew it; who else would have agreed to meet him on short notice for the sole purpose of hearing him vent about the idiot in his Queer Literature class? He took a swig of his coffee and winced at the taste: it was bitter and a little gritty, with the spicy tang of pure academic rage.
“He’s looking at you again,” Lily singsonged quietly, sipping her tea.
“Who?”
She casually tipped her head toward the drinks counter and flicked her eyes over until Remus risked a glance at the barista, only to feel the prickle of a blush start at the back of his neck when cool gray eyes met his own. He whipped back around to face Lily, choking slightly on his drink. “Subtle, Rem.”
“Shh!” he sputtered. “Ugh, I’m a disaster.”
“I’m honestly surprised you didn’t knock your cup over while you were talking about McGonagall’s book stack.”
“Correction: while I was talking about the Jenga tower of books I had to completely rebuild after the Asshole-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named bumped me on purpose.”
Lily shrugged. “He’s a prick. So what?”
“He’s a pompous prick, there’s a difference.” Remus jabbed his pointer finger at her and grimaced as he took a large gulp of coffee. “Also, he’s a heteronormative idiot who only took this class to play Devil’s Advocate. It’ll be a miracle if nobody punches him by the end of the semester.”
“Sounds like Severus.”
“Now you see why Four-Creamer Remus was necessary.”
“As long as nobody comes within six feet of you…”
“I am not that bad!” he protested, pushing the sleeves of his sweater up to his elbows from where they had slipped.
“Have you tried employing that notorious sarcasm yet?” Lily suggested. “You were deadly in debate club.”
One-Creamer Remus would have mumbled something cutting and snarky.
Two-Creamer Remus would have pulled up two different articles and at least five scientific papers to defend himself.
Hell, Three-Creamer Remus would have taken her suggestion and marched up to Lucius Malfoy’s dorm and shouted him down before class even started.
But no. No, Remus had reached the point of no return as soon as the fourth packet of high-calorie milk dust hit his coffee. He threw his arms in the air in exasperation, already preparing a defense—
—and then his right hand stopped short, connecting with someone’s face at Mach 4. “Mother fucker!” The cute barista stumbled away from their table, his beautiful eyes watering with pain as blood streamed through his fingers. “What the hell?”
“Shit.” Remus cradled his throbbing hand to his chest and blinked around the pain that smarted up his wrist. “Shit, shit, shit, are you alright?” The barista shot him an incredulous look as the top of his apron slowly turned red.
“Obviously not!” Lily said as she handed him a wad of napkins from the table dispenser. “I’m sorry about my friend, he’s a total klutz—”
“I really am, I am so sorry—oh, there’s blood on your apron, shit.”
“At least it’s not on my shirt,” the barista said from beneath the handful of paper he was pressing to his face. The corners of his mouth were inexplicably pulling into a grin. “You’ve got quite the arm.”
“It’s a curse,” Remus said as he tried (and failed) to help.
“Baseball player? Boxer?”
“Debate team.”
Lily pulled the man’s hand away from his face and Remus winced as he took in the steady streams of red. She prodded the area for a moment, muttering to herself, and the barista took the time to wink over her shoulder. “I like smart guys.”
Remus paused, giving him a suspicious look. “Are you…are you flirting with me?”
“There’s no need to sound so scandalized—ouch!—unless you’re not into men, in which case you might want to reconsider your wardrobe.”
“What?”
“Between the elbow patches and cuffed jeans, I kind of assumed. That, and the fact that you talk with your hands more than Mrs. Dinofrio next door. Call it an educated guess.” The barista sent him a positively smoldering look. Remus was reeling.
“But I punched you. In the face.”
“Wasn’t the first time, probably won’t be the last. Excuse me, Red, but I don’t think it’s broken.”
Lily dipped a new napkin bundle into an untouched water glass and handed it to him to wipe his face. “You’re fine, just a bit bloody. Might have a bruise tomorrow.”
“Are you Pre-Med?” The barista asked as he cleared the mess away and revealed even more of his unfairly attractive cheekbones. “You’re quite the first-aid type.”
“Pre-Law, actually, but emergency medical care is a common necessity around this one,” she said, nudging Remus fondly with one elbow. “I’m Lily Evans, and I have a class in about…thirty minutes. See you later, Remus!” She patted them both on the shoulders and headed for the door, pausing for a half-second to shout, “or not!” as it swung shut behind her.
“Oh, she’s lovely,” the barista said with a devilish smile. “Remus, huh?”
“What? Oh, yeah, I’m Remus. Remus Lupin.”
“Sirius Black.” His eyes twinkled and Remus couldn’t hold down a smile of his own. “I have to say, this is not how I expected my shift to go when I got here this morning. Do you normally go around hitting people in the nose?”
“It’s the creamers,” Remus blurted and instantly regretted it. Sirius visibly paused. “It’s—you know how most people do stupid things when they’re drunk? Well, I only drink coffee when I really pissed off, and I do stupid things based on the number of creamer packets I put in. It’s a lose-lose situation for everyone involved.”
“So this was…?”
“Four creamers is when I start shouting with my hands.”
“That’s the strangest thing I’ve heard all day,” Sirius said, sounding far too amused for his own good. “I love it.”
Remus felt his blush spread to his ears as Sirius bit his lip. It should be illegal for one person to be that beautiful, he thought as the low coffeeshop light caught the striking planes of his face. “I really do feel awful about your nose. Can I take you out for coffee sometime to make up for it?”
Sirius’ smile widened and something hitched in Remus’ chest. He wanted to see that smile every day. “I’d love that. No creamer, right?”
“No creamer,” Remus promised around a laugh. “I think I’ll be sticking to tea for a while.”