Work Text:
Show this to Matt.
What?
Is this Near?
Yes.
What the hell is that? If you want to talk to Matt, just get Rester to email him or something. Don’t go through me.
It’s a meme.
I get that.
It’s funny. Show Matt, he’ll like it.
Right. Because he hacks, you think he’ll enjoy a picture of a cat on a computer.
Clearly.
I’m making fun of you, dipshit. Why didn’t you just send it to Matt and avoid this whole conversation? Don’t make me block you. It wouldn’t be conducive to the investigation.
Did he not like it?
He didn’t think it was that funny.
Are you lying?
God, you’re just as bossy as you were when we were children.
Yeah, fine, he liked it.
I’m glad. Although I thought you weren’t supposed to take the lord’s name in vain.
Don’t fucking lecture me about that. You don’t know shit. Don’t text me unless it’s an emergency. Just because we’re working together now doesn’t mean we’re friends.
//
What the fuck?
Is this an emergency?
No, it’s a meme.
That’s not even funny.
It is to me.
Probably because you have a shitty sense of humor. Don’t make this a habit.
//
Why is it worded like that?
The cat is the narrator.
Obviously. I’m just saying that I don’t think it’s that funny. And if cats could talk, they wouldn’t talk like that.
It’s meant to be more relatable than funny, I think.
Huh.
See, that’s funny. I might have actually laughed at that if I was a shameless person. Fortunately, I have a good personality and I don’t laugh at shitty pictures of cats.
Right.
//
Yeah, not funny.
What are the parameters for a funny cat meme?
A joke has to be involved, obviously.
So not this?
Obviously not. What the hell is the joke? That it’s asking for a cheeseburger? What’s funny about that, Near?
I didn’t really think it was funny, just cute.
You think it’s CUTE?
What’s wrong with that?
It’s not cute, it’s annoying.
We have different opinions, then. That’s not surprising.
Shut up.
...
Hey, I found one.
Looks like you.
No it doesn’t.
Matt says it does.
It’s a cat.
Yeah, but it looks like you on your tenth birthday. Remember that one? At Wammy’s? You were allergic to something in the cake and you couldn’t even eat it.
Of course I remember. After the party, I went to play by myself and you had completely destroyed my tower. I’d been working on it for days.
Yeah. Sorry about that.
...
Near?
i'm going to regret this, but..
Mello, I’m delighted. I love it.
Fuck off. Were you asleep or something?
Yes. Sorry.
I’m not sure if you’re actually supposed to communicate with them, but I’m glad you like them. And no, I’m not mad.
I don’t like them, I’m just trying to use your language. Why aren’t you mad?
It was one card tower, and it was years ago. Why would I be mad at you?
You worked really hard on it.
Do you want me to be mad at you?
Obviously not.
I’m not.
Fine.
…
This one looks like you.
Oh for fuck’s sake.
//
This is exciting. I’m learning so much researching these new catchphrases. I finkz I’m becomin fluent in lolcat :3
Near, I need you to know that I automatically crossed myself when I saw this.
Lulz x3
Ugh, don’t do that.
You don’t have to tell me when you laugh, but seriously don’t tell me in your new language. Though it is nice to know that you’re laughing, since I haven’t ever seen you do it.
Near, fucking quit that already.
It’s fun. And you most definitely have seen me laugh.
Can’t remember.
We’ve known each other for years, Mello.
Haven’t seen you for most of them, though. In the seven years I’ve known you, five years in a row I didn’t see or talk to you.
That doesn’t matter. You remembered me, right?
I guess. Why do you care?
Near, I swear to GOD...
Did you miss me? While we were apart.
Near.. it’s different now. It’s about competition. I need to beat you, you understand that, right? That’s more important than anything else. And it’s definitely more important than a childhood friend’s feelings.
What is there to beat me at? Kira is going to be caught by all of us, together and fighting as one. Mello, nobody is watching and judging us. Who are you performing for?
Don’t psychoanalyze me, Near.
You used to call me Nate. You’ve called me my alias three times in the last two minutes. Are you mocking me, or is it genuine? Are you trying not to call me what you used to?
Fuck off.
//
This is how I felt when Yagami died:
I think Kira would hate that his death was commemorated with a cat meme. Excellent job, Nate.
Do you want to come over? Matt and I are watching a movie and getting drunk to celebrate.
Sounds delightful, but no thank you.
…
Near. nate. Are u mad at me? I'm sorry I left you behind
Are you intoxicated?
Haha. yeah. Sorry. Are you mad at me?
Mello, I’m not talking to you like this. But for the record.. No, I don’t think so. Not anymore. Drink some water and go to bed. We can talk tomorrow.
…
I'm so sorry.
I forgive you.
I'm sorry for everything, I mean.
I forgive you.
//
Do you want to come over tonight?
..Great.
//
Matt and I are watching some car movie tonight. Do you want to come over?
Yes.
…
Does Matt look annoyed to you?
Not really.
Be fucking SUBTLE about checking him out, Near. He almost caught you.
I think he knows.
I mean, I think that he thinks we're together.
Are we?
Can we be?
I just mean, we've been rivals for so long.
Mello, I have thought of you as many things throughout my life, but not once have I considered you an rival. Kira was my rival. You, Mello, are my childhood friend and sweetheart, a close companion, a lover, a competitor, a confidant. The word rival doesn't come close to my mind when I think of you. Of course we can be together. If you're worried about Matt's disapproval, I can say fairly certainly that he'll be overjoyed for us.
I can't believe you would make me cry in the middle of Fast and Furious.
I forgot how sensitive you are.
I love you, Mello.
//
Hey, look what I found.
It's us.