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Clink. Hawkeye and Trapper smiled at each other from the front of their amateur distillery, sipping on the fresh gin that highly resembled if the liquor was bought back home. Trapper let out a relaxed sigh as he sat down on the wooden stool by his cot, the smile staying on his lips when he saw a completely empty corner in The Swamp. Only a cot and a desk ready for someone else to use, hopefully for no one at all as Hawkeye had an idea already in his mind.
“No more whining! No more stupid threats! And best of all I don’t have to waste my precious time looking at Ferret Face,” Trapper exclaimed, kicking his feet up on top of a crate. Hawkeye chuckled alongside Trapper, sitting right beside him as they sipped on their martinis. “Do you think Hot Lips will be P.O’d about Frank leaving when she gets back?”
Hawkeye starred out in thought, pursing out his lips. “Well, he didn’t call. Or leave a note. And he took the pearl necklace from her tent. So my prognosis would be ‘oh hell yes’ with a high level of colorful words,” Hawkeye said, grinning mischievously at Trapper.
“But of course she’ll just play it off as if nothing was between them because they were ‘oh so secretive’,” Trapper teased, tossing in a piece of gum to chew on.
“You’d think Margaret would’ve convinced Frank to quit the charade after asking me about my lack of flirtation with the nurses,” Hawkeye said, sipping on his martini, Trapper popping a bubble of strawberry gum.
“Nah Frank’s too stubborn and birdbrained to ever think about relaxing in this place. He has a ‘reputation’ to uphold,” Trapper said in a mocking tone.
Hawkeye stood up from the chair they had, walking over to sit on Trapper's cot with a certain look of remorse as he sipped his martini. He pursed his lips out, staring off ahead of him. Trapper was quick to notice Hawkeye's thoughts turning in his mind like a wheel, playfully kicking his foot with his own. He chuckled when Hawk jumped slightly, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. “What’s with the sour face?”
“It’s not a sour face, it’s my thinking face. I figured you’d know by now. I kind of feel bad for Margaret about Frank's ditching. Don’t you?”
Trapper shrugged, “It’s Frank so I don’t feel anything for the doofus,” Hawkeye glaring at him, which made Trapper change his attitude for a moment. “Okay yeah what Frank did was pretty cruddy but Hot Lips isn’t going to show anything to anyone. At least maybe to you,”
“If you did that to me, I’d get Klinger’s uncle a bus pass to Boston,” Hawkeye warned with the best of his ability to sound intimidating, Trapper smiling at Hawkeye as he sat beside him. Trapper swung an arm around Hawk, nuzzling him closer to his side, Hawkeye leaning on the vacant shoulder.
“Don’t worry your pretty little head-,”
“Oh, you think I’m pretty?” Hawkeye interrupted, raising his eyebrows to Trapper, making him roll his eyes with a hint of affection.
“Yeah yeah. As I was saying, I wouldn’t just leave you hanging after being together for this long. What kind of man would I be?!”
“A ferret face! That’s the kind of man you would be, and we both know we don’t need any more of those! Please I couldn’t handle it!” Hawkeyes exclaims, martini glass in the air, putting on his best general impersonation. Trapper only chuckled at Hawkeye, enjoying the relaxation that was given. It had been slow in the 4077 with no wounded flying in on choppers or coming in on ambulances. Hawkeye taking this time to write to his father while Trapper did the same, but mainly asking Louise to tell his daughters how much he loves them. When Frank Burns finally got his orders to head back stateside, the whole camp celebrated with Hawkeye and Trapper as the main hostess for the occasion. Unfortunately- unless you were Frank- Margaret was on her three day R&R pass that she rarely took, Henry almost begging her to take it since she highly deserved it. If Hawkeye didn’t have a soft spot for Margaret in this situation, he’d be placing bets with everyone on her reaction, but alas he’s a man with a heart.
Attention! Attention! Captain Pierce and Captain McIntyre report to Colonel Blake’s office! Captain Pierce and Captain McIntyre report to Colonel Blake’s office! On the double!
Both Hawkeye and Trapper rolled their eyes in unison, groaning as they were both relaxed in Trapper’s cot. Hawkeye fell on his side on the cot, pretending he was asleep, hoping it would stall walking the few feet to Henry’s office.
“You know every time that speaker comes on I feel like I’m in grammar school,” Trapper complained, setting his glass down on the still as he got on his feet. Trapper looked down at the ‘sleeping’ Hawkeye, smirking at him. He reached for the man’s hand and laced their fingers, pulling Hawk’s arm only to tug his body an inch.
“Tell Henry I’m dead. I don’t want him to give any eulogies at my funeral. Only you and dad are allowed to speak,”
“Come on, Hawk. Maybe if we get whatever Henry wants out of the way, we can have fun before the poker game tonight,” Trapper coined to Hawkeye, smiling right as Hawkeye jumped on his feet, fixing his khaki jacket.
“Onward Dr. Trapper!” Hawkeye said, gripping onto Trapper's hand as he led the way out of The Swamp in high gear, bursting out the tent. Trapper tugged behind, knowing no one would give a second look if the two were holding hands out in daylight.
*
“Alright, General, I’ll make sure to have my best men for the job. Okay. Okay. Goodbye now. Radar! Where are Pierce and McIntyre-” Henry yelled outright as Radar came front to his desk, Hawkeye and Trapper in tow.
“Captain Pierce and Captain McIntyre, sir,” Radar reported looking right at his clipboard. Henry could never figure out the way Radar could sense things so fast as if he was reading everyone's mind. Hawkeye sat perched up on the edge of Henry’s desk, Trapper sitting beside him with his feet kicked up. “Anything else, Colonel Blake?” Radar asked, moving beside the Colonel.
“No, that is all Radar. Thank you,” Henry said, twirling a pen in his hands. “Pierce, why can’t you sit in a chair for once?”
“It’s not in my programming,” Hawkeye said, crossing his leg over the other to get more comfortable on the desk.
“Henry, why did you oh so disturb our relaxation time?” Trapper asked, popping his gum.
“I need you two to pick up Frank’s replacement tomorrow afternoon at Kimpo Air Base. And please just go to the Air Base and come back, no funny business,” Henry ordered in a plea. Hawkeye and Trapper exchanged looks of annoyance at the idea of a replacement Frank, hoping to have a few more days of no R.A wanna-be majors.
“Why can’t Radar go? What if wounded come while we’re away? Or worse what if I get my discharge while we’re gone?” Hawkeye asks.
“I ordered Radar to go pick up Major Houlihan from the airport. Unless you two want to explain to Margaret why Frank didn’t pick her up,” Henry said smiling at the captains who only looked at each other, almost communicating in silence.
“I already have the hard job, sirs. It shouldn’t be bad to pick up the new Major,” Radar explained with the usual sheepish smile he had.
“What’s this new major like? If he’s a Frank I’m leaving him on the side of the road,” Trapper asks.
“Awe come on, Trap, have a heart. If he’s anything like Frank it’s entertainment for the both of us once again,” Hawkeye said with a smile. From the top of a whole bunch of other files, Henry gave Hawkeye the new ‘Frank’s’ file, reading off the basic facts about him.
“Young. 6’3. Graduated from Stanford with a fraternity background. Looks like a blonde in his photo. Major Hunnicutt, I might be in love with you,” Hawkeye teased, Trapper cocking his head up at Hawk from the last of his words.
“Cool it, Pierce. Tomorrow at 12 o’clock sharp you two will pick up Major Hunnicutt. Is that understood?” Henry asked, placing a cigar between his lips.
“Sir yes sir!” Hawkeye yelled out, jumping off Henry’s desk with his version of a salute, his right hand close to face as if he were waving. Henry shook his head at Hawkeye as he stood up from his seat, walking out of his office, Radar following the Colonel.
“Thank you!” Henry said from the far distance. Trapper yanked the file out of Hawkeye’s hands, standing right next to him as they always did. Hawkeye pressed his chin on Trapper's shoulder, wrapping an arm loosely on the man’s waist. Trapper read along with the new man’s file, seeing how much of a better surgeon he sounded compared to Frank. Hopefully, this would mean no more needing to worry if someone was bringing the assembly line down. The meatball surgery they all did was something Trapper and Hawk was used to, but maybe this Major can be used to it as well. Then Trapper stared at the corner photo of Hunnicutt, understanding what Hawkeye was apparently attracted to (or not). Trapper had to admit Hunnicutt was good-looking but of course, wasn’t his type of man, he gravitated towards brunettes who were almost his height. Hunnicutt looked perfect for Hawk, noting his attraction to blondes. Trapper tossed the file onto Henry’s desk, popping his gum in somewhat of an annoyance, Hawk scrunching his brows at him.
“It’s a file, Trap, it won’t hurt you,” Hawkeye teased, Trapper glaring at him, lightly pushing Hawk’s arm off him as they left the office.
“I’m just checking to see if this Major’s even worth coming down here, something you should be doing. Remember chief surgeon?” Trapper said.
“Oh I remember but as chief, I can just tell my men to do all the paperwork for me. Or in my case my man,” Hawkeye said, pinching one of Trapper’s cheeks as they headed back to The Swamp. Trapper only swung an arm around Hawkeye’s shoulders.
“Don’t get cute, you still have a poker game to win for us,” Trapper says opening the thin wooden door for his chief.
*
The next day coming around, Trapper and Hawkeye drove their slowest to the airbase, singing songs outloud of joy and love. Hawkeye keeps his eyes on the road at all times. Trapper smiling at Hawkeye, he couldn’t help but kiss him on the cheek after being a safe distance from the checkpoint.
“Oh, you do love me!” Hawkeye exclaimed, giving off that smile that made Trap blush out of nowhere at times, eyeing him for a moment.
“Shut it and watch the road,” Trapper said, pushing Hawks' face straight back as he chuckled along.
When the two parked in front of the Kimpo Officer’s Club, Hawk looked around the circus of men to find the new Major and put the jeep in park, getting out of the jeep. Trapper jumped out to stretch his back to then see a man in a perfect first-day uniform by a pile of crates. He waved towards the man, pulling Hawkeye by the arm to step their way to Hunnicutt. Major Hunnicutt was the exact opposite of what both Hawk and Trapper thought he’d be. A major with a heart, who has a soft-spoken smile and goofy when saw the opportunity. Hunnicutt saluted the captains like regular army, only laughing when Hawk and Trap gave him their versions. His name is B.J and even though Hawk tried to get him to explain what B.J means, they only received more jokes.
“Seriously what does B.J stand for, Hunnicutt?” Trapper asks as the three walked back to camp from Rose’s after returning in the evening.
“Anything you want, Trapper!” B.J says with a broad smile, Hawkeye laughing along as the new Major stood in the middle of the couple. Trapper only shoved his hands in his khaki jacket, Hawkeye patting B.J on back with a grip on his shoulder.
“Careful B.J or I might take you up on your name being whatever I want,” Hawkeye said, still laughing alongside B.J while Trapper remained silent. B.J was oblivious to Trapper’s quietness towards him, believing this was just how the guy was. Hawkeye was the fun jokester while Trapper tagged along with Hawk for their schemes. It wasn’t entirely wrong but not the full truth either. As the three grew to talking and getting to know each other within weeks of B.J’s arrival, Trapper knew he could not not like the guy. B.J was a good surgeon who only was nervous on his first day of many wounded, but quickly got into high gear the next day. He had a good spirit about him that confused Margaret as to how B.J could ever be a major, noticing how he played along with Hawk well. Trapper and B.J had similar lives back stateside, married with a wife and daughter waiting but never cheated. Hawkeye didn’t quite notice the change of Trapper right away since he played nice, it wasn’t until Trapper stopped his frequent little touches that made Hawk question.
It was movie night at the 4077, almost everyone was in the mess tent turned movie theater. B.J joined Klinger to see his first movie of whatever Radar could get his hands on, leaving Hawk and Trapper alone in The Swamp.
“You’re cheating,” Hawkeye said, pulling out a card from the deck.
“I am not! How would you know if I’m cheating?” Trapper protested, frowning at him.
“Because I taught you everything you know. I also know because out of the three people in this tent, you’re the cheater!”
“Oh sorry I’m not like Major Angel over there who admits to playing bad,” Trapper said, tossing the cards on the makeshift desk of a crate, grabbing his martini glass.
Hawkeye chuckled. “Major Angel? Why that nickname? Certainly, you would take the chance to use his initials for a crappy nickname,”
“Because that’s how he acts. He acts like an angel compared to us… or at least me,”
“He doesn’t act like anything. B.J is just more of a light of sunshine who knows a joke. You should ease up on the guy, he’s nice to be around,” Hawkeye said, shuffling the cards for another game.
“What do you mean ease up on him? I’m good around him,”
Hawkeye shot a look at Trapper that showed nothing could get past him. “Trap the moment we picked him up you’ve given him the cold shoulder. You interacted more with Frank,”
“Well, maybe I’m ‘cold’ to him because you two talk nonstop and don’t let me get a word in. Ever thought about that?” Trapper said, retying the rope on his yellow robe.
“That’s never stopped you before. The main reason why I liked you so much, you never cared to interrupt me,”
“Liked?” Trapper asked, raising an eyebrow.
Hawkeye couldn’t help but roll his eyes all the way to the back of his brain. From the year and a half of being around Trapper, Hawkeye had never seen this side to him on any level. It was strange to Hawk because in his head, he thought B.J would be a great addition to their antics like when Spearchucker was still here.
“Like, Trap. The main reason why I like you so much. Seriously what’s with you?” Hawkeye asked, folding his arms against his chest. “And don’t say nothing because there’s been something up your ass for weeks!”
“I’m fine, Hawk. Let’s just play before he gets back,” Trapper mumbled, dealing cards between them.
Hawkeye shook his head. “If I knew any better I’d say you were jealous,” Hawkeye said under his breath, getting up his seat and walking over to the still. As the words came out of his mouth, Hawkeye turned on his heels with wide eyes and grinned at Trapper, seeing the blush on his cheeks even when looking away from him. “Oh! You are jealous! That’s it!” Hawkeye exclaimed with a sharp finger, sitting back in front of Trapper.
“I am not!” Trapper protested, the blush staining his face.
“Yes, you are! You’re jealous there’s someone else I get along with that isn’t just you! My, my, my, Trapper I never thought I’d see the day!” Hawkeye teased, his shit-eating grin growing bigger.
“I’m not jealous! Why would I need to be jealous of Major Angel over there?” Trapper said, trying his best not to yell.
“Well, then why haven’t you talked to him on your own? Or even stopped giving me little kisses that I like behind my ear? You know it hurts my feelings,” Hawkeye asked with a little pout, still playing along with the teasing.
Trapper shook his head as he gulped the rest of his martini. “So what if I’m jealous? You don’t think Hunnicutt might have a little crush on you?”
“Of course he would, have you seen how gorgeous I am?”
“That’s it! I’m done with this conversation!” Trapper said, rising up from his seat in one motion, grabbing his toiletries to hit the showers. Hawkeye immediately followed Trapper's steps, gracefully stopping him from leaving by his hand on Trapper’s arms. He was able to see how uncomfortable this conversation was for Trapper, telling himself to tone down the jokes.
“Hey hey hey, Trap, I’m only teasing. You don’t need to worry about B.J at all. He’s a married man if you don’t remember,”
“Yeah and so am I if you don’t remember,” Trapper muttered, grabbing the towel that hung from the nearby hook.
“That’s different! He doesn’t seem like the type to cheat on his beloved back stateside,”
Right as Trapper was about to say anything else, the crowds of people from the mess tent spilled out, all going back to their respective tents. “Forget it, Hawk,” Trapper said, leaving The Swamp and headed straight for the showers. Hawkeye slouched his shoulder as he stared at Trapper disappear in front of him. He dropped himself on his cot, covering his eyes with the thin blanket. He let out a long sigh, hearing the door open and close shortly after, peeking up to see B.J.
“Oh, you played cards without me?” B.J asked sitting on his cot and taking off his boots.
“Yeah it’s part of me and Trap’s bonding time,” Hawkeye mumbled, propping himself on one elbow.
“Aw that’s sweet. Peggy and I would play checkers every Friday with wine before she was pregnant with Erin. God, I miss those days,” B.J said with a soft smile as he reminisced of being stateside in California. Hawkeye smiled at the idea of the similarities, knowing Hawk and Trap could very well pass for a married couple if just one of them was a woman.
“You know Beej, did I ever tell you the time Trap and I threatened our old Major who wanted to report a soldier for loving someone of the same-sex?” Hawkeye asks, sitting crisscrossed on the cot.
“No, but sounds like something you two would do. I would’ve been on your guy's side for it all,” B.J said with a smile.
“Really? Why’s that?”
B.J shrugged, “Because everyone should find love in someone. If a man finds that love in another man, who am I to judge?”
Hawkeye smiled at B.J tenderly with affection at the relaxed feeling of the new Major. “Well in that case let me explain a little bit more in-depth on life at the dear old 4077. Or love life,” Hawkeye said, clearing his throat as he tried to inform B.J as fast as he could before Trapper came back from the showers.
*
“You got a minute, Trapper?” B.J asked behind Trapper by The OC’s bar. Trapper looked over his shoulder before finishing the rest of his whiskey, slamming the glass down loud. He sighed out right before coming face to face with Hunnicutt, pursing his lips out as if Trapper were thinking. “We could go outside for a smoke. I was able to get some nice cigars from Peg,”
“Lead the way, Major,” Trapper said, seeing Hawkeye eye both of them from the corner he was at with Margaret. When the two stood off to the side of the aluminum club, Trapper and B.J were silent amongst each other, only taking in puffs of smoke from the cigars. Trapper didn’t know what to say to B.J, only speaking to him in polite regard during the time in the O.R. After last night's spat with Hawk, Trapper just felt an embarrassment in it all, wanting to make himself small.
Finally, B.J cleared his throat to cut the silence. “Look, I wanted to talk because I think there might be a misunderstanding between us,” said B.J.
“Oh yeah? And what is that?” Trapper asked, letting out smoke into the air.
“I’m not in any way interested in Hawkeye, Trap,” B.J blurted out, causing Trapper to look at the man with wide eyes.
For a moment, Trapper thought about playing the clueless game but knew there was no point. B.J wasn’t like Frank by a long shot after all. “He told you?” B.J nodded. “Everything?”
“He said how you two have been together for a while, and you might have gotten jealous after I arrived. I didn’t mean to cause any tension,” B.J said with sincerity in his voice.
“Might is a soft way of putting it,” Trapper mumbled, puffing out another cloud of smoke. “And trust me you didn’t. It’s just, since being here it was always Hawk and me. You getting here and meshing so well, I didn’t know how to take it,”
“Well, I can understand. You found a major who’s almost exactly like you,” B.J said, pressing his lips together as Trapper looked at him in such confusion.
“You’ve…?” B.J nodded. “But you got married?”
“Because I really did fall in love with Peggy. That’s the difference between you and me, Trap. I played both fields for a while before I met my wife, and when I did, I knew she was the one for me. But that wasn’t for you, was it?” B.J asked, gripping his by the shoulder.
Trapper stepped on the small cigar bud. “I thought it was,” Trapper said, leaning against the cold wall, hands in pocket. “Then you get drafted to a country you’ve never been to and meet a brunette that takes your breath away but isn’t a nurse,”
B.J smiles at Trapper, patting him on the shoulder. “See, we’re not so different after all. I know exactly that feeling. So are we good?” B.J asks, sticking out a hand. Trapper accepts the handshake, pulling B.J in for a quick hug, patting him hard on the back. “Awe, I knew you were a softie!” B.J exclaimed as Trapper pushed him off, laughing as they both walked back into The Officers Club. As the two walked in, Trapper went straight to Hawkeye in the corner, seeing him all by himself.
“Care for a dance?” Trapper asked, extending out a hand with a short bow.
Hawkeye sipped on his martini. “Okay, but arm's length. We need space for Jesus,” Hawkeye teased, standing up to accept the hand of the man he cared about. Trapper was the one to lead this time, placing a soft hand on the small of Hawkeye’s back, Hawkeye having his hand on Trapper’s shoulder. “Everything good, Captain McIntryre?”
Trapper smiled down at Hawkeye. “In tip-top shape,” Trapper glanced down for a moment before seeing the bluest eyes he’s ever seen. “I’m sorry about being jealous towards you and B.J,”
“Don’t sweat it. It was actually quite attractive seeing you like that if I do say so myself,” Hawkeye smirked.
Trapper matched Hawk’s smirk, looking around to see if anyone was staring right at them. “Well, do you want to make up for lost times?” Trapper whispered, only getting an answer by Hawkeye leading them out in a swift and heading straight for the empty tent they called home. Trapper pulled Hawkeye for a kiss right as the thin door slammed shut, not being able to contain the smile on his lips at the same time. Everything falling back into its blissful place. Hawkeye enjoying every minute of him and Trapper, back in perfect harmony.