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Greg had written that about Alex because it was true. Alex always cried quite a bit after recordings, especially after the good ones. Sometimes it was from humiliation, other times from pure joy. But today it would most likely be because they had just finished recording the last episode of the series. This particular reason always made Alex an absolute wreck as it meant he and Greg would be apart for quite some time, and he hated that.
Greg was expecting this of course as it always happened. The worst time had been after series one they had no idea if the show would take off. Alex just wouldn’t let go that night so Greg ended up having to take him home with him. But this night, while Greg was chatting with some of the contestants after the show, he saw Alex scuttle off to the back. He wanted to follow right after him, but he wasn’t about to be rude to the people he was conversing with. It happened to be they were trying to talk him into going to a pub to celebrate. He managed to politely decline stating he was exhausted from the recordings. Which was partially true but it was mainly because Alex needed him more.
Alex was still riding that after show high and he was feeling pumped. The trophy ceremony always got him amped up. The bad thought were already starting to creep in though and he hated that. He wished he was able to enjoy the after show glow for longer. So he did his best not to think of them. But as he was talking to one of the producers about some final few details that needed to be worked out, the wall he had put up broke and the thoughts hit him like a freight train. He finished the conversation as quickly as he possibly could, while fighting back the tears. He really hoped no one noticed. When he was finally free he quickly made his way to the back. He knew the ever watchful Greg would notice his urgency but he tried to act normal enough no one else would. Once he was in his dressing room he sank down on the couch and started to bawl, burying his face into his hands. His mind was starting to rapidly collapse from all the thoughts.
Why does Greg even love a mess like me. And now he’s going to be away and I won’t get to see him for ages and there won’t be anyone to make me feel small and safe and what if he decides he doesn’t want me no more what if he forgets about me. What if he doesn’t even love me now I’m such a piece of shit. The thoughts just kept coming, coming, swilling in his head as he slumped over.
As Greg walked further into the back having freed himself from any other obligations, he thought about how good this series had been. Alex had managed to pull off a wonderful masterpiece yet again and Greg was bursting with pride. He knocked softly on the dressing room door so he wouldn’t startle Alex and called out “Alex it’s just me”. Pushing the door open he saw his boy sobbing on the couch. He quickly shut and locked the door behind him, as he knew how mortified Alex would be if someone walked in and saw him like this. “Oh my poor boy”, he crooned to Alex while scooping him up into his arms. “It’s ok, I’m here now.” Greg started to softly stroke Alex’s hair and kissed his forehead.
When Greg had sat down next to him it was like a peaceful wave of secureness hit him. He loved this feeling. He loved how he was dwarfed by Greg and how small that made him feel. He let himself be picked up and cuddled into Greg’s lap. It was one of his favorite places after all.
“It was a good show wasn’t it?” murmured Greg. “You’ve done a great job coming up with all those spectacular tasks. You twisted little mind works wonders sometimes.” Alex half smiled to this but then his face dropped back. “You sad about it being over?” Alex nodded. “I know we won’t get to see each other for a while but I’m always just a text away you know.” ‘But it isn’t the same’, sobbed Alex, ‘You won’t be able to hold me’. “I know, and I’ll miss that too but we’ll be back together next series and that isn’t too far off now is it. Don’t look at me like that, you know I’ll be back then, you know I won’t abandon you.”
And Alex did know it was true. It was just hard for him to believe it. But he wasn’t going to question it right now, he was in Greg’s arms which made him feel safe. He snuggled down closer to him wishing that this could go on forever. The intoxicating smell of Greg was heavenly and his arms were oh so close around him.
It did end up going on like that for a while. Greg held him all the while murmuring sweet nothings into his ear. As he started to feel better, and as the tears slowed, he began to uncrumple so he could cuddle Greg back more properly. This was when Greg grabbed his face and started kissing him. How he loved Greg’s kisses. They were so gentle, sweet, and loving, they made him melt. He could just get lost in them. Which he did till they heard the door nob rattle (how glad he was the Greg remembered to lock it) and someone called out asking if anyone was there. Alex replied to this and was told that they were locking up soon, so could he please hurry up thank you.
‘Well I guess this is it’, said Alex while they were stalling out in the parking lot. Neither of them wanted to leave yet. “You know if you want you can come back to mine for a bit”, suggested Greg. Alex ducked his head at this and blushed. ‘I’d love to but I really need to be getting back home.’ So Greg grabbed Alex into one last hug before kissing him goodbye. “Have a safe drive now, you hear?” ‘You too Greg’, whispered Alex.
Later that night as Greg was trying to sleep he heard his phone go off. He wondered who could be texting him this late. When he rolled over and picked up the phone he saw it was Alex. All the message said was ‘Have a good night xoxoxo’. Smiling he texted a reply before rolling back over. He couldn’t wait till he saw that silly little man again.