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Osamu watches the rain increase from the comfort of his living room couch. He sits with a hot cup of tea by his side, and a bowl of pudding on his lap. His phone rests next to his tea, on the side table where the only source of light comes from the ugly vintage lamp his mom gave them as a house warming gift.
The ugly faded brown stand is extremely unsettling, while the eco-friendly light bulb hardly counts as a proper light source when it barely lights up the table it’s on. Osamu can’t stress how displeasing lamp is to look at, yet here he is, staring at it as he tries to put his thoughts to rest while he waits for his brother.
Omw. Atsumu had texted him approximately thirty minutes ago. At first, Osamu thought he probably texted him by mistake and ignored the message, but five minutes later his brother sent his location and Osamu’s eyebrows shot up when he took in he was an hour away.
??? Was Osamu’s response and five minutes later his brother texted him back a simple sorry. Osamu tried calling Atsumu two times but it went straight to voicemail. Then a few minutes later Atsumu texted driving with an updated location and Osamu had slapped his cheeks a few times to wake himself up before seeking out Yamaguchi who was in the kitchen munching on some chips.
His soulmate seemed just as surprised. He glanced at the time and inquired if something was wrong, but sadly, Osamu didn’t have an answer but just a really bad feeling. Yamaguchi offered to make him some tea then, choosing not to comment further and Osamu searched for the last bowl of pudding in the fridge before making himself comfortable on the couch.
The thing is, this isn’t really the first time Atsumu surprises him with an unplanned visit at an ungodly hour. It’s also not the first time he sends him one worded texts, acting all cryptic about whatever is going on. However, it is the first time he does both of these annoying things at the same time.
When Atsumu visits, it’s usually because he is in the area or because he needs Osamu to talk him out of doing something stupid. He occasionally also just comes to be annoying. Specially whenever Kita visits to help with the shop since that usually means more than one Inarizaki alumni swings by and Atsumu, though he doesn’t admit it, loves when his kohais swoon all over him.
One worded texts come around whenever Atsumu is in some sort of slump. He usually starts by texting something like embarrassing or stupid and then he will send a variation of emojis every five minutes until Osamu caves and gives him the attention he is seeking.
Yamaguchi thinks it’s all very endearing. He believes Atsumu always comes over because Osamu is some sort of personification of stability. According to him, his brother visits because he ‘misses’ Osamu and because regardless of doing what he loves every day, the only place he will ever truly feel at home is whenever he is by his twin’s side, and vice versa.
Osamu of course, reminds Yamaguchi that the only home he knows is Yamaguchi himself and that surely Atsumu feels the same way about Sakusa.
It’s different. Yamaguchi always says to that, claiming that a sibling bond will always be different from a soulmate bond, so there is no point in comparing. Then he will start cooing at Atsumu’s childlike texts because he is like a puppy, waging his tail or sniffing around a room trying to get attention. Osamu is saving Yamaguchi’s little analogy for a day in where Atsumu feels particularly smug.
For now however, Osamu’s insides churn as he tries to decipher what’s going on with Atsumu. Clearly an unexpected visit and a text claiming he is sorry means something bad happened, right? Something that needs to be solved urgently. Why else would Atsumu be driving at this time and with this particular weather?
“I changed the sheets in the guest room.” Osamu clears his mind from thoughts of his brother for a second as he takes in the sight of his soulmate entering the living room. Yamaguchi looks concerned, his hands safely secured in his pant’s pockets.
“Thank you.” Osamu says, putting the bowl aside before moving around to make room for Yamaguchi on the couch.
“I gave Hinata a call, but as far as he knows, Atsumu was fine at practice.” Yamaguchi says once he takes a seat next to Osamu, letting his body lean against him while he rests his head on Osamu’s shoulder. “What are you thinking?”
Osamu hums and then after a moment he says, “It’s raining,” because it’s easier than telling Yamaguchi what’s actually going on inside his head. Osamu can’t even begin to consider what the creeping feeling of dread that grows inside him means. It’s not like there is a reason for him to be so nervous. So what if his brother is driving for almost two hours in the middle of a storm? So what if he doesn’t want to text more than sorry? This is Atsumu. His brother is a bit of a drama queen who likes to exaggerate every little thing. There is no reason for Osamu to be concerned.
Yet.
“I like the rain.” Yamaguchi says, his hands finding Osamu’s cheeks before he pulls him closer and kisses him. Osamu hums into the kiss, his arm curling around his boyfriend’s waist. Yamaguchi smiles, letting Osamu take control of the kiss without resistance. Their lips move in a gentle dance, one that warms Osamu’s heart with familiarity and comfort. Home. Osamu thinks, the heat of Yamaguchi’s lips tingling his own while the rain drops make up most of the sound around them.
Like Yamaguchi, Osamu likes the rain. In fact, the only reason he brought it up is so that they can relax as they let the rain run its course and form that blanket of security around them. Rain, for Yamaguchi and Osamu, might as well be the physical representation of their soulmate bond. Rain, is their language of love.
It was raining the first time Osamu saw Yamaguchi in his dream, and it continued to rain in every other dream until Osamu’s last year of high school when he finally called out his soulmate’s name. If Osamu really thinks about it, he can probably recall dreaming about rain before his first soulmate dream, but all those dreams without Yamaguchi mean little to him, so he doesn’t bother.
Instead he holds the memory of his first soulmate dream with unwavering fondness.
In his dream, the rain is light but steady. The sky a warm grey while the trees around him are a lively green. Osamu is in some sort of park, getting wet while he looks up at an apple tree. He stares for a long time, not really thinking about anything, and then he is moving, getting closer to the tree to reach for the one apple he can see hanging from the lowest branch.
Osamu’s little hands reached out for the apple but he is too far to even come half way. He frowns, the rain hitting his eyes as he continues to look up at the tree. He jumps and then he tries to climb the tree, but it doesn’t work. Nothing works but Osamu now desperately wants the apple.
It’s then that the breeze in his dream changes and suddenly the rain gets heavier. Osamu blinks countless times trying to clear the water from his eyes. He even rubs his face with his sleeves, though it is to no avail as it gets harder and harder to keep his eyes on the apple.
And then, out of nowhere, someone else is by his side.
“You’re too short.” He hears and remembers thinking for a second that it is his brother. Though before he can reply in the snarky way he was considering, his eyes catch sight of greenish hair and Osamu stills. “I’m too short too.” The voice sounds meek. “But I want that apple.”
“Me too.” Osamu finds himself saying before the dream begins to blur and Osamu is left watching the image of a greenish haired boy vanish in front of him.
Osamu remembers being excited when he woke up that day. He remembers running to his parents room and telling them everything. His father had smiled and his mother had kissed his cheek lovingly before asking him to calm down and reminding him that they would have to visit a specialist before making an official diagnosis.
Osamu hardly thought that was necessary. He was eight years old and completely sure that he just had a soulmate dream. Why else would his heart be beating so fast? Why else was his stomach filled with butterflies? Why else does he feel as excited as Atsumu had looked the first time his parents explained the mark on his thigh?
Osamu just knew. Just like he knows the difference between wine vinegar and rice vinegar. Just like he knows that boiling an egg a minute too long or a minute too short can have drastic consequences. Just like how he knows Atsumu loves playing volleyball with Osamu as much as Osamu loves playing volleyball with Atsumu, even though they always fight for the ball.
Osamu knows that dreaming will now be his connection to his soulmate.
And he is right.
Every time he closes his eyes, Osamu dreams of rain and his soulmate. It takes three more nights before his parents schedule an appointment with a specialist. Osamu enjoys the appointment because he gets to retell all the details of his dreams and then the gets to hear the specialist confirm what his little heart already knew.
Osamu wore the biggest smile that week even though his brother, unsurprisingly, had plenty of unnecessary things to say about the whole ordeal. He thought he was superior for having a physical bond. How are ya ever gonna find him? Atsumu would ask before making fun of the ‘make believe’ world Osamu lived in. Osamu would simply glare at his brother, hating how much those words affected him.
Because even though he dreams every night of his soulmate, with his soulmate, the dreams aren’t his to control.
He dreams and it’s him. He is in his body. He is thinking his thoughts. But yet, he can’t control any of it. It’s like his a spectator. Even though he feels the rain hit his body, even though his eyes always try to soak up every detail of his soulmate, even though he wakes up every time and remembers everything, Osamu doesn’t have a way to make his dreams guide him to his soulmate once he is awake.
At least, that’s what he first believed.
Osamu never let Atsumu’s words affect him enough to curse his bond. He never let his brother take away the magic that fate had in store for him. Instead, if anything, Atsumu’s opinion on his soulmate bond and his countless jokes helped Osamu truly value what he had. Because as the years passed and Osamu got to know his soulmate through his dreams, Atsumu had nothing but a mark on his thigh.
Atsumu had a mark on his thigh while Osamu had countless memories with his soulmate. Osamu knew what his soulmate’s laughter sounded like. He knew how warm his hand was. He knew that he liked eating junk food over a homemade meal. He knew that his hair had a green undertone. He knew that he liked volleyball. He knew that he was out there waiting for him, just as much as Osamu was waiting for him.
And all Atsumu had was a mark on his thigh. I’ll find them. His brother was always so sure. Or they’ll find me. His mark was always on display. It’s fate.
It’s lonely. Osamu remembers thinking once they made it to high school. By then both him and Atsumu had grown to love volleyball more and more, which meant the sport took most of their mind and time. Osamu always had his dreams to keep him company, but he knows Atsumu chose to find comfort in volleyball while he waited for his soulmate to come forward. Maybe that’s why Atsumu ended up loving the sport more than him.
At least that’s not something he thought about until high school, when he truly began to question his love for the sport. His second year was probably when things truly started taking form for his future. In fact, it was within the short period of time during the spring nationals that fate began to show sturdy signs of its power.
For one, his best friend found his soulmate.
(“Holy shit.” Suna whispers to him after they shake hands with Karasuno. Osamu’s mind is battling between feeling guilty for their loss and wanting to further make fun of his brother’s volleyball heart eyes towards the two Karasuno rookies, so he doesn’t really make sense of Suna’s words until they are done greeting the people that came out to see them and are walking towards the change rooms.
“What?” Osamu asks, his eyes already finding the green smudge on Suna’s hand that he is half staring, half trying to hide. “The hell is that?”
Suna makes some sort of choking sound that has Kita coming over to them with eyes wide with concern. “What’s the matter?” He asks and even Atsumu is coming closer, his head tilted as he watches Suna.
“Holy shit.” Suna repeats his earlier curse and Osamu winces, turning to watch Kita as he probably prepares to scold him. Before he can however, Suna begins rubbing at his hand vigorously. “My hand is green.”
“We can see that.” Osamu remarks.
“I hate green.”
“Suna, what the hell?” Atsumu blurts impatiently just as Kita lets out a little chuckle before saying, oh.
“Oh?” Osamu and Atsumu echo.
Suna, unhelpfully, just makes some sort of sound thats a mixture of a wail and groan.
“I think Suna found his soulmate.”)
Osamu is not proud of the way both him and Atsumu laugh once Suna manages to explain who exactly had caused the green smudge on his hand. He is also not particular fond of the memory of having Suna use that insensitive reaction to get him to search all night for what sort of bond leaves coloured smudges when contact is made.
Atsumu somehow doesn’t get stuck staying up doing endless research and surprisingly, there is a reason for that.
(“There is no reason for you to be upset.” Osamu hears Kita tell his brother from where he hides behind a vending machine.
“M’not upset.” His brother says and Osamu almost snorts at how untrue that sounds.
“Atsumu, even Fate follows a timeline.” Kita speaks gently, his words meant to comfort though Osamu thinks his brother might taste the bitterness they can carry. “You need to trust that mark is there for a reason other than for bragging.” His brother has nothing to say to that and Kita gives him a few more minutes of silence before he begins to lecture him about how harmful it is to be jealous.
Osamu leaves before he can really hear much else of the conversation. A part of him thinks that maybe Kita was aware of his presence and that maybe those words were somehow also directed at him.)
They don’t head back to Hyogo right away. Instead, they stay a few more days like they had planned, thinking they would make it further than a single match. Osamu goes with his brother to watch the rest of Karasuno’s matches after they give Suna a little pep talk before he goes to seek out his soulmate.
It’s sometime during Karasuno’s match against Nekoma that Atsumu mumbles an insecurity Osamu never thought he would hear out loud, even though he was well aware of how it resided in his brothers heart.
(“What if I don’t meet them?” Osamu recoils, his eyes widening as he faces his brother who refuses to meet his eyes. “What if there is no matching mark.”
“That’s impossible.” Osamu says because it’s the truth. Osamu has done enough research on both dream bonds and matching mark bonds to consider himself somewhat of an expert. He knows Atsumu knows this.
“‘Kay.” Atsumu inhales. “What if they see my mark and decide they don’t want me?”)
Osamu remembers letting the words fill the silence for a longer time than planned. Then, before Atsumu could sink deeper in whatever blackhole his mind was creating, Osamu remembers Kita’s words and with a quick mind, he paraphrases the statement about fate and time in hopes of calming his brother. It works, somehow. It works and Atsumu even thanks him for the advice.
And in its in that moment that Osamu realizes just how honest his brother had been with him.
(“I’m gonna tell him.”
“He’s not going to like it.” Suna replies, his eyes on his phone. “Why don’t you just wait until third year?”
Osamu thinks about his brother’s honest words. He thinks about the trust Atsumu holds for him. “I’m gonna tell him.” He repeats, his mind made up.)
They return to Hyogo with hunger to do better. They say goodbye to their seniors promising to do better. Osamu thinks to himself, I’ll do better, after he breaks his brothers heart by telling him his plans for the future. Of course, like most fights between them, it’s not that serious. I’ll be the happier twin. They promise each other and in less than a year Osamu is ready to claim he is winning.
Unexpectedly and suddenly, on the spring tournament of their third year, Osamu meets his soulmate.
(“Yamaguchi Tadashi.” Osamu says at the end of the match, adrenaline coursing through his blood while his heart beats uncontrollably.
And his soulmate watches him with wide eyes before he lets his mouth relax into a smile and he takes a step closer to Osamu. “Miya Osamu.” I found you. Osamu thinks. Out loud, Yamaguchi says; “I found you.”)
Atsumu makes fun of him for not realizing Yamaguchi was his soulmate the year before. Naturally, like a good best friend, Suna does the same and then later, when Inarizaki wins another match, Karasuno come to congratulate them and Osamu gets to hear more mockery from both their teams.
He talks about it with Yamaguchi days later. He tries to apologize for not realizing earlier but Yamaguchi doesn’t let him. Instead he tells Osamu all about his talk with a specialist and how apparently people with dream bonds hardly ever realize who their soulmates are on their first meeting. Instead, it takes their mind a few meetings for the memories and knowledge they carry from their dreams to transfer over to reality.
Osamu doesn’t really get it but he learns then that he could probably hear Yamaguchi talk for hours about anything and everything. Falling for Yamaguchi is easy. It’s natural. It’s seemingly something that Osamu can claim began when he was barely eight years old and dreaming about rain.
Having Yamaguchi as his soulmate is like getting an answer from the universe meant for him only.
They start their relationship officially once Yamaguchi graduates high school. While Yamaguchi is in university Osamu is already working towards his dream of opening his own restaurant. In between all that, their relationship grows. They take their time with every move, every decision. They go from seeing each other on weekends to staying over for weeks. They go from shy kisses to long make out sessions. They go from Miya-san and Yamaguchi-kun to Osamu and Tadashi.
They fall in love.
Days pass, weeks pass, months pass, and before he knows it, Osamu feels like he has lived a greater amount of time with Yamaguchi by his side when he is wide awake than he ever has in his dreams. Osamu is more than fine with that outcome since he has full control over reality. At first he thought he would end up missing his dreams, but that thought soon went to rest the first time he woke up with Yamaguchi by his side.
The warmth that comes from holding his soulmate is something Osamu learns to cherish in a very short time. And in moments when he is at his happiest, he can’t help but always think about his brother, the only other person Osamu has ever shared so much of his life with.
Atsumu’s love for volleyball is the foundation of who he is. His love for volleyball is what drives him and makes him who he is. In a short amount of time after high school Atsumu climbs his way to the top. He is easily recognized as a force to be reckoned with. His talent, his hard work, his perseverance— it fuels him, pushing him to fight for that spot on the stage he has had his eyes set on since they were kids.
It’s that love for volleyball that one way or another, manages to guide Atsumu to Sakusa. Or perhaps the other way around.
Either way, on a random day he gets a call from his brother in the middle of the night. Osamu remembers being in a prickly mood since the morning, after dropping Yamaguchi off at the station so he could take the train back to Miyagi. He remembers only picking up to take out his frustration on his brother.
(“Kiyoomi!” Atsumu shouts the moment the phone call connects. Osamu waits for some sort of clarification but it never comes. Kiyoomi, is all his brother seems willing to share.
Osamu rolls his eyes, annoyed that his brother can’t see how done he is with he conversation before he asks: “what about Sakusa-san?” and Atsumu makes a choking sound. It takes him three tries before he finally manages to spit it out and when he does, Osamu almost doesn’t believe him.
Matching mark. The words ring in Osamu’s head. Soulmate.
And then he can’t help but ask “how long?” How long has he known? He doesn’t clarify. How long has he kept this hidden from you?
“Does it matter?” His brother eventually says and Osamu hopes the shake in his voice has more to do with excitement than something worrying, like fear.)
Osamu doesn’t know how to feel about the whole thing. In fact, he thinks about Atsumu and Sakusa for almost a month before he brings them up with Yamaguchi. I don’t like it. He remembers telling his soulmate and then Yamaguchi had taken him into his arms while Osamu continued to rant.
At the end of it all, Yamaguchi had nothing but his shoulder to offer. “Trust your brother.” He told Osamu. “Be there for him.” He made him promise. Surprisingly, that was enough. Osamu remembers going to sleep feeling at ease and in love.
In his sleep, for the first time since calling out Yamaguchi’s name four years ago, Osamu dreams.
The first thing he notices is that there is no rain. Instead the sky is illuminated by the colours of a sunset. He takes a moment to take in all the colours before his attention seems to be drawn to a tree. Osamu watches the tree for a long time before he finally thinks about Yamaguchi.
Tadashi. Osamu mouths, turning around to seek him out. It’s then that he notices he can control his body. What the hell? Osamu thinks to himself, his eyes going wide as he stares at his hands before he begins taking tentative steps towards the opposite direction of the tree. What the hell? He thinks again and then he opens his mouth and calls out for his soulmate. “Tadashi!?” Osamu shouts, recoiling once he realizes what he has done.
A bird chirps from a distance, drawing in Osamu’s attention. He blinks, taking a moment to collect his thoughts before he begins to look around once again, trying to find Tadashi or if not at least—
Osamu freezes, the sight of a small baby fox gluing his feet to the ground.
This is a dream. Osamu tells himself just as the fox flicks its tail while staring at Osamu. I’m dreaming.
The fox opens its mouth and Osamu feels his body go numb. Then, just as it began, the dream ends without warning and Osamu feels himself falling into his unconsciousness.
Osamu wakes up in a cold sweat, his heart beating quickly while his lungs desperately try to take in air. His mind goes a mile a minute but he can’t form any coherent thought. Osamu sits in his bed for almost an hour, shaking and gasping, before he finally finds the strength to turn his face to the side and watch Yamaguchi’s sleeping form.
He is a heavy sleeper, Osamu knows, but for the first time since learning that information, Osamu feels thankful. Thankful that Yamaguchi didn’t witness whatever the hell just happened. Thankful that Osamu doesn’t have to explain himself.
He doesn’t go back to sleep that night.
Though that hardly matters since the moment he closes his eyes out of exhaustion, from that night on, Osamu continues to dream. Why. Why. Why. Is the only thing he thinks the first few nights before the unanswered questions are fuelled with more curiosity and Osamu finds himself thinking, What.
What does this mean?
What do I do?
What can I do?
(“Dreams?” Tsukishima asks, pushing his glasses up as he studies Osamu from where he sits. “More than one?”
“Every night.” Osamu confesses, the pressure against his chest making it hard to speak.
Tsukishima doesn’t say anything for a long time, and then; “A poly-bond?” He asks but Osamu knows what he really wants to know.
“I don’t know.” Osamu says. “I haven't— Tadashi doesn’t know. Not yet. I just—“ He breathes in. “Do you think…?”
“An unbalanced bond?” Tsukishima ponders. “There is a chance, yes, but.”
“I know.” Osamu cuts in. “I know.”)
He tells Yamaguchi that same night. Yamaguchi, with his hands gripping onto Osamu, offers him a smile. “I love you.” He says and Osamu almost cries with how quickly the weight ghosting over his shoulders disappears. “I found you and I love you, that’s not going to change.”
It’s not. Osamu agrees and life goes on.
The idea of their bond being unbalanced ends up being a reoccurring conversation. Having an unbalanced bond doesn’t particularly scare Osamu but thats mainly because he has no experience with it. He doesn’t know anyone with an unbalanced bond and the little he knows about them through school is hardly enough to shake Osamu’s trust on fate.
For Yamaguchi, an unbalanced bond just means a bump in the road. It might complicate things. It might slow things down. But it’s never going to block the road off completely.
(“Tsukki’s brother has an unbalanced bond.” Yamaguchi explains. “But he makes it work.” Then he goes quiet and Osamu takes the chance to play with his fingers while his boyfriend collects his thoughts. “Though there is someone…” He trials off and sighs deeply. “It’s not my story to share but I think, I think there is someone that can help.”)
Oikawa Tooru does end up helping, though Osamu feels guilty for the way he manages to anger Oikawa to the point of him storming out of the room. He calls to apologize eventually and Osamu also bows down his head apologetically before they continue to explore the possibilities of what his dreams could mean.
It’s hard and easy. Easy because It’s not like the dreams are demanding anything. Hard because Osamu can’t make sense as to why he is even dreaming. And Osamu doesn’t really want to admit it, but there is a part of him that finds truth in Oikawa’s words.
It’s not a poly-bond. If Yamaguchi is not dreaming then it can’t be a poly bond.
What if there is someone else and your dreams lead you to them. What if it’s another bond. Then what? Who do you choose?
When the days are long and the nights cold; when Yamaguchi is away, visiting friends, visiting family, living dreamless nights... Osamu begins to doubt.
He begins to consider the possibilities of something going wrong. The possibility of having someone else tied to him; another soulmate. And if Yamaguchi doesn’t have that? If there bond is truly unbalanced?
He rather not think about it.
Besides, why bother thinking about that when in less than thirty minutes, Atsumu is going to come through his front door with some sort of heartbreaking news? Osamu feels his throat clog at that, he really hates when his brother texts him one worded messages at unreasonable times. They are never a good sign.
It also doesn’t help that whatever twin bond they have seems to be twisting every organ in Osamu’s body with dread.
“What are you thinking?” Yamaguchi repeats his earlier question, this time his lips ghosting over Osamu’s chin.
Osamu looks outside the window at the steady rain and breathes in. “About us. ‘Bout soulmates.”
“About fate?” Yamaguchi asks, stealing a kiss from Osamu. Yeah. Osamu thinks and then the doorbell rings. Yamaguchi jumps up, surprised at the sudden sound before chuckling to himself. “I’ll be upstairs, okay?”
Osamu nods, standing up as well after checking his phone. He thought he had a little more time but maybe he has been lost in his memories for longer than he thought. He watches Yamaguchi go up the stairs of their home before he makes his way to the front door.
When Osamu opens the door he is met with the red-rimmed eyes of his brother. For a second, Osamu stills as the sight almost causes him to stumble. A lump forms in his throat. “Tsumu...” Osamu lets out, concerned. Atsumu doesn’t even bother attempting a smile.
Osamu moves aside for Atsumu to pass by. He does and Osamu takes a second to lock the door before turning around and seeing his brother just standing there, still not moving to take his soaked coat or shoes off.
“Tsumu.” Osamu tries again, this time his brother responds.
At first he just clears his throat a bit. Before he lets his posture rest. Then his head seems to sink deeper as he confesses: we broke up. Osamu doesn’t think he heard him right. “Tsumu, what?”
“Kiyoomi and I.” Atsumu renders, the strain in his voice pulling at Osamu’s heart. “We broke up.”
Osamu feels like all sound leaves for just a second. His eyes widen and he stares as his brother finally turns around and meets his eyes with defeat. Osamu stands unblinking, his mouth drying as his mind clears out. It isn’t until he catches the shake of his brother’s hands, that the world around him seems to resume and he finally hears the choked out wail Atsumu can’t seem to contain any longer.
“I couldn’t do it anymore.”
There is something absolutely horrifying in seeing your brother, your twin, break down right in front of you. Osamu never thought he would have to experience this. Never in a million years did he think he would witness seeing a part of his soul break. And as Atsumu folds in on himself, his arms wrapping around his waist trying to keep himself standing, Osamu’s mind brings an old memory.
He sees Atsumu baby face, his eyes, wide and bright as they stare at his leg. “It’s so pretty!” He cheers his fingers tracing every line of artwork on his thigh. Then he thinks about Atsumu throughout their years in school. Unapologetic, unashamed, unbothered, always confident his soulmate would find him. Always so confidently displaying his mark. He even thinks back to Atsumu’s eyes the first time Osamu saw him after finding out Sakusa was his soulmate. There was happiness in them. Love, excitement, anticipation. And now that Osamu thinks clearly, there was also fear.
He feels like an idiot, then. Like the worst brother to exist for foolishly believing the fear Osamu saw was nothing more than childish jitters. All this time… all this time Atsumu has been holding so much in. All this time, behind a smile and a carefully constructed reputation of being unbreakable, Atsumu has been hiding the insecurities that were slowly eating at his heart.
Osamu shakes as he takes his brother in his hands, his own tears streaming down his cheeks as he realizes how much he failed him. Tsumu, his heart cries out, the state of his brother leaving him feeling inadequate. What do I do? He asks himself. How can I fix this?
You cant. Something inside him whispers back and Osamu feels guilt claw at his throat as he tightness his grip around Atsumu. He realizes then, he might never be able to forgive himself for this just like Osamu doesn’t think he will ever forgive Sakusa for each cry Atsumu lets out as he completely breaks down in Osamu’s arms.
It rains for the rest of the night but Osamu can’t hear a single rain drop.