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“Is his life that precious to you?” Fukuchi had asked in the middle of the battlefield.
No. Of course not. It’s all for Dazai-san, was the first thought that came to Akutagawa’s mind back then, but now, a week after their victory, he wasn’t so sure anymore.
After successfully using the combination of Rashomon and Beast beneath the Moonlight once more, they’ve emerged victorious.
Still, even after that, after reuniting with Gin, and after seeing Dazai, his enemy’s words remained stuck in his head.
Now, in the cozyness of his apartment, the only place in the entire world he could actually say he felt safe, that sentence was playing on loop.
“Is something wrong Ryu?” his sister asked from across the room, so he figured his worries must’ve translated into an expression.
“The usual. ‘Just tired.”
It can’t be guilt. It’s not like he actually considered killing the weretiger back there. Sure, they had promised to kill each other in six months, but the thought never even crossed his mind while in the battlefield. Which was actually weird, since killing used to be like a reflex. The answer to most, if not all, his problems.
Maybe the weretiger’s act is contagious , he thought. Not knowing what else could’ve changed his train of thought that much in such a short time.
“Are you sure you are alright? I can stay if you want.” In order to tend his injuries and to make sure nobody approached him in such a weakened state, Gin had been crushing at his place until Akutagawa would recover at least from the most grave of his injuries.
“I’m fine. I’m just doing a few days more of recovery because of the boss’ orders. Plus, you stayed here the entire week. I know you want to come back to the field.”
“Just call if you need anything, and don’t expose yourself.”
“Okay.”
It’s not like he had actively lied to his sister; he wasn’t trying to endanger himself, yet something drove him to the port that night. The chance of finding answers through another fateful encounter, but since he wouldn't admit that to himself, “something” it was.
“A beautiful night, isn’t it?” After approximately waiting for an hour, the person who he was not waiting for made an entrance. Atsushi looked unbothered. Like running into each other was something they did every day and Akutagawa was a member of the ADA or someone close to him.
With that same attitude the weretiger sat on the other extreme of the cargo container, also facing the bay.
It was indeed a beautiful night. Had they not been sitting down instead of facing each other, he would’ve thought it was a replica of that exact same night. The first time he found Atsushi while not looking for him and after they joined forces for the first time.
Now, it should be a second, but it was a first as well. He couldn't speak for the tiger but he had gone there willingly and this time not trying to kill him. It was most definitely a first.
“Why are you acting so friendly?” he says instead, contradicting his every thought.
“You still want to kill me? My bad. I thought we weren’t enemies anymore.”
I don’t know. Because truly he didn’t.
“The moon…” he says, and Atsushi stares at him confused “it’s nice.” The other boy smiles.
“Right?”
After that Atsushi had remained silent. He probably had nothing to say to him, and although Akutagawa did, he didn’t feel like he had the right to ask the weretiger to enlighten him. He felt like those were things he needed to figure out on his own. Things Atsushi had already figured.
They sat there just staring into the night until it came to an end and the sun began to peek through the horizon. Akutagawa was the first one to rise then. Silently he got off the container and made his way back to the apartment, where he knew Gin would be in a short time to make sure he had stuck to his promise. Not even once he looked back. He never glanced at the other man.
Not wanting to give the weretiger the wrong impression, or the pleasure, he didn’t come back the next night to that place. Neither he did the night after that, nor the next one, or the one that came after that.
He did come back, though. After he rejoined the mafia ranks, that same night Akutagawa came back to the port. This time Atsushi was there when he arrived. Had he been waiting?
The other glanced at where he stood and smiled acknowledging his presence. Akutagawa just nodded in return.
“Are you fully recovered now?” the younger man asked, eyes focused on the tripulation of a cruise that seemed to have recently arrived. He is probably doing it on purpose , Akutagawa thought. By now Atsushi probably knew that if he was going to ask something like that, avoiding eye contact was the safest choice if he wanted an answer.
“How did you know I wasn’t last time?” he finally replied.
“You seemed like you were in pain. Well, more than usual.” The tiger sure as hell had a sharp eye. Or he knows me well. Akutagawa wasn’t sure if he liked the implications of that.
Are we going to do the same thing again? He wandered.
“We can talk, you know” the other man said almost immediately, just as he had read his mind.
“What is it to talk about?” Even if he was allowing these “meetings” to happen it is not like he was planning to become all chums with the weretiger. If he was expecting him to spill everything he was completely in the wrong.
“I don’t know. You seemed like you wanted to say something.”
“I don’t.”
“If you say so.”
Akutagawa grunted. He felt like he had the losing hand right now. The other man was perfectly collected as he knew everything. As he had no uncertainties.
“If you want to talk so bad you can speak.” he finally barked.
“If I do, will you listen?” Akutagawa had only intended to have the last word. That’s why he said it. He didn’t know what to expect from Atsushi. Maybe teasing, maybe another half-assed poetic comment about how beautiful the night was, but certainly not that.
Should I listen? Should he? What good would come from listening to the weretiger? Sure, this was probably his best shot at getting some answers from him, but at what cost?
“Yes.” He finally replied.
Akutagawa was pissed. Like really pissed. Not only Atsushi had not immediately spoken as he had implied, but he made him wait a good half an hour just to tell him that “he was tired” and that he “needed time to rearrange his thoughts.” So now not only he had the words of the hunting dogs ex commander playing daily in his head like they would on a broken record, but also the wait was getting the best of him.
He was so angry that he felt, and his subordinates too, like he was falling into his old ways. Even so, he still hadn’t killed a single person. He didn’t completely understand the reason behind his actions, but his instinct told him that would’ve been like a loss.
After that night Akutagawa had never once failed to go to the port, but Atsushi, on the other hand, never showed up. Every night he stayed there till dawn came, yet Atsushi didn’t.
He was in the middle of a rampage against a small enemy organization when he felt his phone vibrate through his coat, which was weird because the only one who texted him was Higuchi and she was standing right next to him. After knocking all of them out he excused himself and pulled out the device.
Meet me? Usual place. N.A. he read from the device’s screen. Without replying Akutagawa placed the phone back into his coat. Then, he just did as every other day. He waited for the night to come.
He arrived at the port around the time he usually did. Tonight, Atsushi was waiting.
“Hey.” The other man didn’t look as confident or smug as the other times Akutagawa had met him. That made him feel good. Like they were on equal standing now.
“I thought you chickened out” he said as he sat, earning a pout from the weretiger.
“I did say I needed time to think.”
“I didn’t think you meant a whole decade.” He wants to sound cheeky but it comes out more as a reproach. The weretiger doesn’t seem to notice.
“It was a week, you know.”
“Shut up.”
They stay silent for a few minutes. Akutagawa really hopes he didn’t take it seriously because he is not going to leave without answers again. He would kick them out of the weretiger if he had to.
“You’re not gonna ask how I got your number?” he says while Akutagawa was figuring how to make him talk.
“Should I?”
“No. You probably already know.” It clearly had been Dazai’s doing, so neither of them felt the need to acknowledge that.
“Akutagawa, is our promise still standing?” Atsushi said, eyes locked now on the starry sky, after a few moments.
“Six months hadn’t passed yet.”
“That’s not what I mean. You probably asked yourself this already but...are we still enemies?” Of course he had. Every damn day since the fight; that was one of the questions that plagued his mind.
“What else would we be?” What else can we be?
“I don’t know, I just…”
They sink into a silence once more. One that Akutagawa isn’t rushed to break this time. Of course he still wants to hear what Atsushi has to say; however, he doesn’t feel like he needs to chase the answers anymore. The weretiger will willingly grant them to him once he is ready. So he waits. Eventually, Atsushi speaks.
“Look, you almost died, I mean I know it wasn’t for me, but...you almost died protecting me.” Inevitable, the phrase echoes through his head, yet it loses its weight before Atsushi’s sincerity.
“And that’s making you falter?”
“No! I mean, yes. But the thing is...I don’t want to be enemies anymore.” Akutagawa can’t say he is astonished at the weretigers declaration, yet actually hearing it is different than just imagining it. That is what settles it for him.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yes. I understand.”
“So, that means we don’t have to kill each other anymore?” Atsushi’s glance now drifts to the other side of the cargo container. To where he sits. A smile carves up on lips while he stares. He sounds hopeful. Amazed. Excited.
“Since Dazai-san acknowledged my strength, I suppose not.”
“Right…” The words are pronounced with so much bitterness. Like he had just swallowed something very sour. Almost antagonizing his previous enthusiasm.
“Well, then. I guess we can call it a night. Goodbye, Akutagawa.”
The other man jumps off the container and slowly begins to make his way in the opposite direction the mafia had arrived. Akutagawa bites his lip. So, it’s now or never, huh.
“You know,” he says and Atsushi stops at his tracks. “You’ve got it wrong… Back then I was fighting for Dazai-san, yes. But...I also wanted to protect you.” He drags his words as much as he can, but in the end the message is conveyed.
The other man turns enough to face him and gives him a smile. Akutagawa thinks that is probably the most sincere and happy one he has dedicated to him yet.
“I’ll see you around, Akutagawa,” he says as he makes his way, getting further from the container and getting deeper into the night.
Yeah. Akutagawa knows they’re definitely bound to meet again.