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David hears the pitter-patter of little feet running down the hallway towards his and Patrick’s bedroom. He throws a lazy hand at his husband to alert him.
“Are you clothed?” David mumbles into his pillow.
“Yeah. You?” Patrick responds under his mound of blankets.
“Yeah. In coming.”
The sounds of little feet turn into little giggles as the door opens. Then, the little giggles turn into the sound of full speed running. Next thing David and Patrick know, they are being jumped on by their niece, nephew, and dog.
“Got you, Uncle Pat!” Cherry says as she climbs to sit on Patrick and tickle his sides. Stella joins her in attacking Patrick, licking all over his face. Patrick giggles and lightly swats them both away. Stella eventually leaves him alone to go greet her other father while Cherry keeps tickling him. Patrick lets Cherry feel like she has the upper hand in the situation. Her brother, Nathan, jumps on Patrick’s side of the bed with his sister, but quickly crawls across the bed to tuck himself into his Uncle David’s arms. David accepts him with open arms.
“Good morning, Nate.” David says, pressing a kiss to his four year-old nephew’s head.
“Morning, Uncle David.” He says, throwing his little body into his uncle’s comforting space while his other uncle and sister rough house on Patrick’s side of the bed. Stella tucks herself in between David and Nathan.
“How’d you sleep?”
“So-so. Cherry kept telling scary stories.” David could tell that Nathan was tired. While his nephew was naturally more quite by nature, he seemed particularly out of it this morning.
At this, Cherry stops tickle-assaulting Patrick to defend herself.
“Hey,” she says as she slides off of Patrick and into the space between her uncles. “Don’t be a baby, Nathan. Those stories weren’t even that scary.” She says, in a way that is far too similar to Alexis. David grieves for Nathan. He’s going to have to put up with a mini-Alexis his whole life.
“They were, too! And you know it, Cherry!” Nate pouts and tucks himself further into David. David pats his head and locks eyes with Patrick. They share soft smirks between them.
“Cherry, it’s not nice to scare your brother.” Patrick reprimands her, gently, yet firmly.
“I wasn’t even being scary. He’s just a wuss.” Cherry crosses her little arms over her chest.
“But what’s not scary to you can still scare Nathan.” Patrick says, ever the diplomat.
“Why? Because he’s just a baby?” She sasses, sticking her tongue out at her brother. Patrick covers her mouth with his hand.
“Stop that.”
“I’m not a baby!” Nathan pipes up.
Behind Patricks hand, a muffled “You are, too” can barely be made out.
“Cherry, you’re seven now. There are things that don’t scare you now that probably scared you when you were still four years-old. You can’t tease him for being scared just because he’s younger than you.” David explains to his niece. He loved her dearly, but he had to stick up for Nathan whenever possible. If he didn’t, Cherry would completely bulldoze over him. “Remember how you used to be scared of the big doggies at the vet clinic?” David continues. “And now you love your big German Shepherd, Marla. Just because someone is scared of something doesn’t mean you can tease them for it.”
“I wasn’t even being scary, Uncle David! I swear!”
“Hmm. Well, Nathan. It seems like next time Cherry is telling scary stories, you’re just going to have to come in here and stay with Uncle Patrick and me.” David tells the boy that is squished in his arms. Nathan perks up.
“Really?” He asks, aqua eyes wide.
“Yes, really.” Patrick affirms. Cherry pouts.
“Can I come sleep in here, too?”
“But you won’t need to, right?” David asks her, teasing her, egging her on. “Besides, this is a safe place. No scary stories here. Only positive thoughts and happy endings. Isn’t that right, Uncle Patrick?” David is teasing his niece and his husband at the same time, and Patrick can hardly stand it.
“That’s right, Uncle David. Only happy endings here.”
Cherry pouts and Nathan pretty much ignore hers in favor of petting Stella.
“Ugh, fine. I’m sorry for telling you scary stories, Nate. I didn’t mean to scare you and keep you up all night.” Cherry says. It’s not the most sincere apology in the whole wide world, but David thinks it’s the best apology he could get out of a seven year-old.
“It’s okay, Sissy. I didn’t really believe that Uncle David hides the bodies of bad kids under the floor, anyway. Uncle David doesn’t even talk to kids other than us.”
Patrick loses it and David is appalled.
“Cherry Rose Mullens! What kind of stories are you coming up with?!” Patrick starts tickling Cherry again as David questions her. “Oh, do you think it’s funny?” He asks once Cherry starts giggling from Patrick’s tickles. “I’ll show you what’s funny.” David tells her solemnly. He shifts Nate up closer to the headboard and starts tickling Cherry with Patrick.
Nate giggles as his sister gets attacked with tickles from both sides. The room is filled with the joyful laughs of small children and the hearty giggles of David and Patrick. It’s warm and golden as the sun starts to peak through the curtains.
David and Patrick got to spend a lot of time with their niece and nephew and it filled them with the utmost joy. Since Alexis helped Ted manage the vet clinic, she had to help him make farm calls whenever he needed assistance. Patrick and David were always there to babysit during these occasions.
They also picked the kids up from school every-other Thursday (so that Ted and Alexis could have a date night) and brought them to the store. They would take them to the cottage after close and help Cherry with her homework, play with them, and feed them dinner. Usually, Patrick would bust out his guitar and play whatever Disney song Cherry felt like singing. Her favorite was to sing “How Far I’ll Go” from Moana. She also loved when her Uncle Patrick did the voice of the funny crab while he sang “Shiny.”
David and Nathan usually did puzzles or danced while Cherry and Patrick sang together. Sometimes Nathan was really interested in playing with his sister, but he mostly just liked to do quiet activities with his Uncle David. They understood each other on a spiritual level: We both have really high maintenance sisters, we deserve a break from them whenever we can get one. Patrick, however, went above and beyond when it came to entertaining the kids. He was definitely the Fun Uncle, while David wanted to stick to activities that generally avoided stickiness or shouting.
Once all of their stomachs hurt from laughing, the tickle attacks die down.
“Alright, kiddos. We need to get a start on brunch. Do you remember why?” Patrick asks
“It’s Mommy’s birthday!” They shout together.
“That’s right!” David tells them. “And we are going to make her a super yummy brunch for when she gets here to pick you guys up.”
Alexis and Ted had given their children to David and Patrick so that they could have their adult celebration last night. David knew that they were both itching to add another kid to their brood, so he gladly accepted having the kids stay at their house last night.
“You guys get to help make pancakes and eggs and everything we’ll need to make Mommy’s perfect brunch. But first, I have to take Ms. Stella for a walk.” Patrick shifts in bed to reach for Stella. He scoops her up and places her on the floor. He detangles himself from the blankets and the children.
“Uncle Patrick, can I come with you to walk Stelly?” Nathan asks as he crawls across the bed.
“Yeah, absolutely, Bud. Can you go put on your shoes and your jacket.” Patrick asks as he lifts the boy off the bed. He nods, salutes to his uncle, and runs down the hall. “You want to come, Cher?”
She shakes her head and throws herself on top of David. He lets out a small grunt as she knocks the wind out of him. “No, thanks,” she says. “It’s warm in here and it looks cold out there.” David wraps her up in his arms. Patrick chuckles at them.
“Alright. Can you two start getting everything out for breakfast while we’re gone. And maybe you could get started on those buttermilk spice muffins that your mum likes.” Patrick slips on a sweatshirt as he tries to convince his family to get out of bed. Cherry perks up and pulls away from David. She tries to drag him across the bed.
“Come on, Uncle David. If we start the muffins right now, we won’t have to share the leftover batter with Nate and Uncle Pat.” She whisper-yells at David as she tugs on his arms.
“I heard that! The recipe is on the kitchen counter. We’ll be back in 20.” Pat says as he exits the room. David laughs and gets out of bed.
“Let’s go, Little Rose. We’ve got work to do.” He says as he pats his head. They make it downstairs just in time for David to help Nathan tie his shoes and zip his jacket while Patrick hooks the leash on to Stella.
He sends them off with the promise of tea and juice when they return. David leads Cherry into the kitchen and he puts Cherry on the counter. Her job is measuring all of the spices in the muffin batter. He hands her a teaspoon.
“Okay, the muffins need two spoonfuls on cinnamon. Got it?” He hands her the cinnamon.
“Got it.” She carefully scoops out the cinnamon and gently places it in the batter David is stirring.
“Great job. Now we need one of these full of sugar.” He hands her a measuring cup and she fills it up with sugar. “Perfect. Now I just have to mix in the eggs butter and we will be ready to scoop the batter into the cups. Can you put the liners in the tin?”
She nods as he hands her the pack of muffins liners.
“Can I crack one of the eggs?” She asks in a small voice.
“Sure. Do you know how or do you need me to show you?” David asks as he cracks the other eggs.
“I can do it. I helped Daddy when he made Christmas cookies last year.”
“Of course. How could I forget? Those cookies were very yummy.”
“Thank you.” David slides the bowl over to her and hands her the egg. She cracks it very slowly, and her hands fumble around it, but eventually she cracks it and pulls it apart.
“Great job, Cher! No shells!” David praises her and gives her a high-five. She nods to herself in the same way that Alexis does when she’s proud of herself.
Once they get all of the ingredients in, David flicks on the beaters. Some flour shoots up on him and Cherry, coating them in a thin layer of the powder. David quickly turns off the beaters and looks at Cherry. She wipes flour off her face and then looks up at David. The second they make eye contact, they both burst out laughing. David flicks some of the flour around the rim of the bowl at Cherry.
He flips the beater back on, using a slower setting this time. This mixture blends together and doesn’t go everywhere. Once it’s mixed, they spoon it into the tin and set it in the oven. He hands Cherry a spoon full of batter and she accepts it graciously. As she licks off the batter, David runs a damp cloth over the flour on her cheeks and does the same for himself.
“What should we do next?” She asks him. David fills their blue kettle full of water and turns on the burner.
“We need to mix the pancake batter so that Uncle Patrick can start them when he gets back. Mommy and Daddy are going to be here in about 45 minutes so we have to be quick. Will you pour Nathan some apple juice for me? They should be getting back from Stella’s walk in a few minutes.”
She nods and carefully fills a Mickey Mouse cup full of organic apple juice from Rose Apothecary. David places some bacon in the oven with the muffins and begins to mix the pancake batter.
Patrick and Nathan return with Stella, the tips of their ears and noses are bright pink from the cold. They take off their coats and shoes and join the other two in the kitchen. Nathan runs and leaps in David’s arms. David catches him and hooks him on his hip. Patrick snaps a quick picture of them with Cherry smiling at them from the counter. He gives his husband a kiss on the cheek.
“Oh boy. You guys are freezing! Like little ice cubes!” David tells them. He grabs one of Nathan’s little hands and gives him a whole bunch of smooches to warm up his little hands. Nathan giggles and smushes his face into David’s shoulder.
“Alright, kiddos. Your mom is going to be here soon. Do you want to make her some birthday cards while Uncle David and I finish up breakfast?” Patrick asks them. They both nod excitedly. “Perfect. I’ll go grab you guys some markers and crayons.”
David sets Nate down on the floor and helps Cherry off the counter. He leads them over to the dining table, where Patrick is laying out an array of card-stock and markers. Unfortunately for David, the kids had to use his collection of art supplies to create the cards. He gives them a run down about how to treat the art supplies with care. Patrick giggles to himself as he starts the pancakes.
David joins him back in the kitchen. He makes some scrambled eggs on the stove, bumping Patrick’s hip every time he passes him. They steal kisses and light touches as they work. David pours Patrick some tea once the kettle whistles.
“They are really great kids.” Patrick says as he gestures towards the dining room. “Ted and Alexis are doing a great job with them.”
David nods, “I agree. It’s strange to think that there’s most likely going to be another one of them soon.”
“You don’t think so, do you?”
“Oh, yeah, definitely. Alexis is, like, crawling out of her skin to have another one. Ted is, too, I think.” Patrick takes a sip of his coffee and flips the pancakes.
“Do we have enough space here for another kid?” Patrick asks and David looks at hime like he has three heads.
“I don’t really think we need to be concerned about that. Ted and Alexis do.”
“No, I know. It’s just, like… We can’t fit three kids in the guest room!”
“Okay, but we aren’t buying a bigger house because Alexis can’t keep it in her pants. And besides, we’ll just pile them all in the living room when they come over here. They’re kids, they’ll love sleeping on an air mattress on the floor.” David rubs Patrick’s back.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“Uncle David!” He hears Nathan shout.
“Yeah?” David calls back.
“Can you come write the words? I only know how to write my name!” Nathan yells. Patrick laughs and swats David on the ass.
“Coming.” David says after he kisses Patrick’s cheek. David goes to the next room to help the kids finish their cards while Patrick pours the last of the batter.
As the last pancakes cook, Patrick gets out the nice champagne and orange juice for mimosas. He pours ones for him and David now, and he’ll pour the ones for Ted and Alexis when they get there.
David returns, two children trailing behind them. They shoves their cards in Patrick’s hands and he compliments them. It’s squiggly and sloppy, but it’s sweet that these kids love their mother so much. Cherry wrote her own message, but David wrote Nate’s, with the exception of ‘love, Nate’ at the bottom in his messy writing.
“These are great, you guys! Your mom is going to love them.”
The two kids smile up at him. Patrick loves their little smiles. He’s glad to have Alexis and Ted’s kids around in Schitt’s Creek. He’s certain that he doesn’t want children of his own, but he does have wonderful paternal instincts. Between his cousin’s kids and Cherry and Nate, he feels like that part of his life is fulfilled in the best way. It makes him feel warm that he can love these kids, with David at his side, and they don’t have to compromise the best parts of their relationship to do so.
They hear a knock on the door and Stella barks, going over to check it out.
“Mommy and Daddy are here!” Cherry yells. David goes over to the door with them to let them in.
“Mommy!” Nate yells as he throws himself at Alexis the moment she is in the door.
“Nathan! Hello, my handsome little prince.” She squats down in front of him to give him a big hug. “Did you have a great time with your uncles?”
“Mmm-hmm.” He nods. “Happy birthday, Momma.”
She boops his nose. “Thanks, Little Man.”
“Happy birthday, Mommy!” Cherry says. Ted has just released her from a tight bear hug. They swap kids and Alexis pulls her eldest child into her arms and squeezes her tight.
“Thank you, Cherry Pie. I missed you guys so, so, so, so much last night!”
“It’s true!” Ted says as he lifts Nathan up on his hip. “Mommy wanted to bring you guys home. But I told her ‘No way! We need some peace and quiet.’” The kids giggle.
“Happy birthday, Alexis.” David says. She boops his nose and gives him a hug.
“Thanks! Now, I was told I was getting brunch?” Alexis says, asking her kids.
Cherry tugs her into the kitchen where Patrick is putting the meal in serving dishes.
“Alexis!” He starts. “Happy birthday!”
“Thanks, Bubs!”
“Do you want a mimosa?” He asks her. She smirks lightly at him.
“You can have mine for me.” She says coyly. David’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline.
“You’re not–” He starts.
“Shh.” Ted says, and points at the kids. “They don’t know yet.” He whispers out of ear shot of the kids.
“Alexis!” David shouts and pulls her in to a tight hug. “That’s so exciting. Congratulations!”
“Congrats, Alexis!” Patrick says as he gives her a hug and kiss on the cheek.
“Thanks, you guys. We were going to tell them today. Do you care if we tell them during brunch.”
“Please, do it. That sounds great.” Patrick says.
David and Patrick set the table while Alexis and Ted join the kids in the dining room.
“And this is you, this is Daddy, this is Marla, and that’s Cherry.” Nathan explains as he points to the pictures he drew on her birthday card.
“This is beautiful.” Alexis tells him.
“Great job, Bud! You really got Marla down. We’re going to have to commission you to draw puppies for the vet clinic!” Ted tells him excitedly.
“This one is mine for you, Momma. I drew you and Daddy, Uncle David and Uncle Patrick, Nate, and MiMi and Grampa Johnny.” Cherry says.
“This is lovely. And your handwriting is just so pretty Cherry. You’ll be doing calligraphy for Rose Apothecary in no time.” Alexis tells her daughter.
Once the table is set and everyone has drinks, they start passing around food. Alexis makes Nate’s plate and cuts up his food for him. Ted does the same for Cherry, but she insists on cutting hers up herself.
“What did you guys do last night?” Cherry asks her parents as she takes a bite of pancake. Alexis and Ted share knowing looks, nothing their children should know about.
“We, uh, just had a quiet night in. I made Momma some dinner and we watched a movie.” Ted answers. “What did you guys do?”
“Uncle Patrick played his guitar and we sang the songs from Moana and Tangled.”
“That sounds like fun!” Alexis says.
“We had a good time.” Patrick tells her. “Right, kiddos?”
“Yep!” They pipe in.
Brunch carries on with laughter and great conversation. David looks around at his family. He’s constantly grateful that Alexis chose to move back to Schitt’s Creek. She was doing truly wonderful things in New York, but she couldn’t satisfy that part of herself that craved her family. She wanted to be with her husband, and with her brother and brother-in-law. He knew that she wanted to raise her kids in a way that she felt proud of. She wanted to wake up everyday and know that she was the one crafting her kid’s life; she didn’t want to rely on a nanny to do that for her. She felt safe in the fact that if they had to be in someone else’s care, it would be David and Patrick’s.
“So, kiddos,” Alexis says once they finish eating. “Daddy and I have some excited news.”
David grabs Patricks hand. He squeezes it and brings it to his lips, quickly and quietly.
“What is it, Momma?” Nathan asks.
“Well, Mommy and Daddy have talked about it and we want to give you guys some more brothers or sisters.” She tells them.
Cherry gets excited and claps her hands together. Nathan, the poor thing, doesn’t really have a reaction. He’s never done this before.
“Oh, yay, Mommy! That’s so nice. Can I have a sister?” Cherry asks.
“Hey!” Nathan pouts.
Ted and Alexis laugh at their children. They love them so much, it’s ridiculous.
“Well, we don’t know yet, Cherry. But I have another super cool surprise. Do you guys want to hear it?” Alexis asks her kids. David and Patrick share confused looks. Another surprise? Is the baby, like, not cool enough to Alexis.
“Tell us, tell us, tell us!” The kids chant.
“Hmmm. I don’t know if we should tell them.” Ted jokes.
“NO! Daddy, tell us!” Cherry whines.
“Alright, alright. Lex?”
“So I found out last month that I’m having two babies this time.” Alexis says.
“Twins?” David gasps.
“Yep! I’m about ten weeks.”
“Cool! Are they boys or girls?” Cherry asks.
“Can you have one of each?” He brother follows up.
Alexis giggles. “We won’t know for another few months, but you guys will be the first ones to know, I promise.” Alexis boops both of her kids on the nose.
“Can I feel them in there?” Cherry questions, stretching a little hand over to Alexis. Alexis laughs, catches her arm and kisses the little hand as it waves in front of her.
“Not yet, Cher. They are still too small. You’ll be able to feel them moving when they are a little bigger. Right now, they are about the size of a strawberry right now. You start to feel them move more when they are the size of a mango!”
“Oh,” she pouts a little. “That’s cool.” She says, though it’s not convincing. She really wants proof that there are children in there.
“What do you think, Bud? You get to be a big brother.”
“It’s cool!” Nathan responds. “Do I have to give up my room?” He asks hesitantly.
“Nope!” Alexis says. “We are going get rid of the guest room and make it the new nursery. And you get to keep your room just the way it is.”
“But where will Mimi and Grampa stay when they come and visit?”
“They can stay here with us, Nate.” Patrick tells the boy. “We will still have our guest room here.”
“That’s generous,” David scoffs. “Or, there’s always the Rosebud.” He suggests.
“You’re a wonderful son, David Rose.”
“I try,” David says as he waves his husband off.
“So we will have two new babies here by Christmas! Isn’t that exciting?!”
Her kids hop off their chairs and run to give Alexis hugs.
“Are you still sure we aren’t going to need a bigger house, David?” Patrick whispers at him.
David wraps his husband in his arms, refusing to justify that with an answer. He kisses his husband and quirks his lips to the side in a smile as he looks at his little family.