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Angrily, Arthur sliced off an especially nasty vine that stood in his way. Mazes, honestly. What was it with sorcerers preparing mazes just to trap kings and knights.
“Merlin!” Arthur heard himself shout, “Where is my flask, I need water.”
Merlin walked over to him, from where he had been talking with the knights in their camp, “I'm sorry, Sire. It seems we're out of water.”
Arthur turned around, “You're telling me – we are going to die of dehydration here?” Okay, he was being unfair. And exaggerating. But Arthur was tired, hungry and starving and they had been stuck in here for two whole days. His armor was starting to feel itchy and there was no river in sight.
Not to mention the claustrophobia and the now upcoming threat of thirst. Arthur was a king, he shouldn't be panicking. But he knew from experience that there was nothing worse than an empty flask on a trip such as this.
“We won't, I promise.”
“How can you promise me something like that in this place?!” Arthur said as he gritted his teeth.
“We're surrounded by plants. I'll find a way to get some water from them. It won't taste good, but at least we won't die,” Merlin explained quite seriously.
Arthur hated this. Whenever Merlin dropped his sarcasm, they were in actual danger. So, no bickering to cool his nerves, great.
"Fine. FINE. I need a rest.”
“That you do, sire,” Merlin smiled.
Arthur shot Merlin an agitated glare. Merlin knew better than to test him right now. Anyway, Arthur went back to the camp, while Merlin did something with the plants. Arthur wasn't exactly eager to find out what it was.
When Arthur let himself sit down next to the fire, where his knights had been resting for at least an hour, he buried his face in his hands…..And groaned, unnecessary loud.
“Sire, if I may, I have heard a story about this maze," Leon surprisingly said.
“If you want to tell me there are serkets and giant spiders roaming around at night, I know that already," Arthur complained.
“That's not it. I heard that there was a way to get out of here without finding the end of the maze. It's just a rumor so I kind of forgot about it, but-”
Arthur sat up at that. A little hope returning to him, “Leon, why are you only saying that now? Go on, I can't stand this damn maze anymore.”
Leon quirked an awkward smile at that, with the expectation, “Well there's a problem, it's said that the solution is magical.”
Arthur's face fell as he sighed and groaned again, “We need a sorcerer, don't we? Great, very helpful, Leon. Thank you for your genius insight.”
Leon shook his head eagerly, “No, not at all. It is said you only have to shout for the Hall of Judgment. Then you need to turn left, then right, then left again, then you have to walk through the next wall that comes in front of you and then you stand in a giant hall. Rumor says that we can choose one person here and then his ghosts and mistakes will judge upon him. If he passes the judgment, we'll all be allowed to pass through a door that leads us outside.”
Arthur looked at him strangely, “That sounds completely made up, Leon.”
“It's worth a try though, isn't it?” Gwaine asked with a grin. He sat alone opposite the other knights. Looking at the boots that stood next to the fire waiting to get dried.
“Every person of our group has one chance, so we could repeat the trial as much as we want until we run out of people,” Leon finally added, “I know many have failed the trial, but none of them was ever hurt or anything. I don't think we've got anything to lose.”
“I feel like we're going to cheat,” Arthur mumbled in return.
“What do you say, Sire. All in favor?” Elyan asked and looked around to see hands raised at them.
“Fine, I'll be first to be judged then,” Arthur said, as if challenging the men to argue against him. His knights nodded at him. They knew better than to argue with him on this. He was their king after all. Of course he would seek to be seen worthy.
First among all others.
____________________
Hydrated with the sour tasting plant water Merlin had provided them with, they informed the servant of the new revelations and turns of events. And were not surprised to see Merlin flinch at the proposition. But no matter how much he argued, even Merlin couldn´t stop their king.
When they saw the giant wall in front of them after calling out the hall of judgment, Arthur nodded at them and passed through first.
Announcing himself to the wall, as Leon had instructed, “I, King Arthur Pendragon, seek to be judged.”
They then passed through the magical wall. At first, Arthur had scoffed at his knights, not believing that anyone could pass through. But as soon as he had touched the supposedly stone wall, he felt nothing as his hand went right through.
With hesitation, they followed him inside, one by one. The hall was precisely what Leon said it was. It was a court. There were chairs for all of them to sit on, Arthur however was supposed to kneel down in front of the stairs onto a small pillow. Arthur groaned, that was going to hurt in his knees for days.
"Don't complain, Sire, I'm sure your knees will feel tons better after sleeping in your lavish castle and bed, when we get back," Merlin told him teasingly.
"Shut it, Merlin!"
As soon as the knights and Merlin were seated and the king knelt in position, the stands behind the court filled with people. It was filled with many people. Arthur hissed a breath as he recognized some of them. There was a woman who looked just like the woman Morgause had shown him once. The one she had claimed to be his mother, Ygraine.
Next to her stood Uther. Just as mad with anger as Arthur remembered him upon last seeing his ghost. There were bandits, saxons, children, druids, witches, sorcerers, and other familiar faces. And Arthur remembered most of them. He remembered how most of them died. Yes. These were his ghosts. The ghosts of people Arthur had killed or that died because of him or his decisions. The ghosts that haunted him at night. He paled as he saw Lancelot smile upon him.
He blinked at Gwen´s father whom he had failed to save. Arthur didn't look at his knights who were pointing at their fallen friends. Yes, there were more knights. Many more who had died because they had decided to die for Arthur.
There was Agravaine, standing next to a beautiful young lady that he didn't recognize.
“Arthur Pendragon,” a child began. He was standing in front of Arthur now. Him and a couple of other druids.
“I remember you. You are the boy from the well,” Arthur whispered, remembering clearly the druid boy he had killed on his very first mission. Long before he had met his best friend.
“Yes, you have made amends with us, young king,” the boy continued, as he put his cold hands in Arthur's, “But our kind is still killed, persecuted, hunted, imprisoned. You have shown that you care about us. That you want to be fair. But you have failed in bringing peace to our kind. The druids have to call you guilty. I am sorry.” The boy didn't smile, but he looked apologetic. It was clear this hadn't been his choice alone. Arthur gulped. Was this it? Had he lost before it even began? He shuddered at the thought, as he felt the glares his knights pointed at him.
It was his father and his mother who spoke next. Apparently, each person who wanted to say something was granted to do so. His father didn't take his hands in his, as the child had. Arthur knew his judgment before he spoke.
“You have failed me,” was all Uther said before he disappeared. It still hurt to be right.
“It was your father who failed you,” Ygraine said instead, “I've told you what he did once before. Don't let his judgment cloud you. You are a good man, Arthur.” she said and gave him a token. With that her smiling face disappeared as well.
Arthur turned around to look at his servant whose gaze was fixed on something else. Merlin had lied to him. His mother did tell him the truth. But Arthur had no time to be caught up in that, as his dead knights approached him.
They bowed before him, as one of them gave Arthur another token, “We have died in the name of Camelot, King Arthur. We would gladly do so again,” they smiled. Some more than others.
Lancelot bore the greatest smile of them all, as he stepped forward to grant Arthur another token, “You have always been a good friend. A good leader. A good king. I am proud that I could die for you and the kingdom you've built.”
They disappeared as well. And once again, Arthur found himself wanting to shout for them, as a group of villagers approached him. Arthur recognized them. One of them was Merlin's friend. These were the people of Ealdor who had fought with him to save their people. They bowed to him as well. None of them had hatred on their faces, as Will looked at him sadly, “The token we grant you can only be small,” said Will and handed him a smaller coin. It was nothing more than a penny, but Arthur accepted it all the same.
“You send us to defend ourselves. In doing so you have condemned many of us to die. You defied your father and we thank you for that. But we rather you hadn't," Will shook his head, “We could have survived if it was only our men who had fought the bandits. You hindered our best chance to win. You hindered the sorcerer who could have saved us all.”
"You mean yourself,” Arthur scoffed at the memory.
Will shook his head, sadly, “You don't deserve his loyalty.”
With that, they disappeared as well.
Next, the woman approached him. The one that Arthur didn't recognize. Until she changed shape that is. And Arthur's eyes widened in fear as he recognized the bastet.
That had been a woman? He'd never knew! He thought he knew what she would say, but it appeared he was wrong. She turned back to the woman she had been with before and gave him a token.
“You have lifted my curse,” She said and kissed his hand, “And you take care of the one man I've ever loved. I will always be grateful to you. I will never blame you for my death. You were right to do what you did. Thank you.”
With that she disappeared as well, leaving Arthur confused and irritated. Even more than before. Who on earth was this woman? And why the hell was she thanking him for killing her?
It continued like that. And to Arthur´s surprise, Agravaine had nothing else to say to him.
There were many people. Too many that Arthur had wronged. After a while he noticed that each group of people had a token. And whether or not he was right or wrong, they either gave it to him or it landed on the pile on a small desk in front of him.
The pile on Arthur´s side grew slowly. The one on the desk grew even more. Arthur knew what this meant. He was losing the judgment.
Morgause and Nimueh were the last to pass him, “We will not judge you anymore,” Nimueh said quietly, “Your mistakes with us were of your fathers doing. We do not blame you for that. But we cannot grant you our gratitude either. We have no token to give you,” she added wisely. And with that they disappeared as well.
After that, the living people were the last in the room.
The tokens lay heavily with Arthur. Somehow he knew he had to leave. Somehow he knew it didn't matter what he said, did or felt. He wasn't looking around asking if he could leave, or waiting for anything to happen. He had been judged. He didn't even look at his knights as he left the hall the way they had come in.
“Arthur,” he heard Merlin call out to him but Arthur was mad with grief. With shame and with fear.
“Shut up, Merlin,” he said angrily, flinching at his own tone.
“We all make mistakes, Arthur. Everybody makes mistakes.”
“But not everyone causes people to die for them! You have no idea what it feels like to carry the lives of hundreds of people on your shoulders!” Arthur shouted at him. He didn't mean to and regretted every word as he saw Merlin stiffen.
He wanted to leave then and there. Still hungry, still mad and still grieving. But that was not his choice.
“I, Sir Gwaine, Knight of Camelot, ask to be judged," he heard Gwaine shout.
No, not already,' Arthur thought, 'This was too soon.'
But his knights had decided, they didn't care what they had seen their king burdened with. They knew him. They had known all that. They knew more than they had before now, but they knew of Arthur´s intentions.They knew in their heart he was doing all he could for them. He did his best for them.
And yet, Arthur felt bad for shouting at Merlin like that. Merlin had suffered through a lot. But he only knew of one man who had died for and because of him.
He hadn't appeared in the hall for Arthur, but Arthur had already known what Balinor had thought of Camelot. Though he would have loved another token for him.
Merlin couldn't understand the destiny Arthur carried. And how much it bothered him to see how he had failed so many people. Merlin would never see the world the same way Arthur did. And that's why Arthur turned away from his friend. For once, he doubted Merlin could give him wise words that would still his grief.
____________________
None of the knights were successful. There were a lot less people roaming in the hall then there had for Arthur. And they had killed bandits, assassins. All evil people. All people with bad intentions. Of course none of them would grant them a token. Percival came the closest to succeeding, but he didn't either.
Merlin was their last hope. And Arthur hoped that the servant, who never hurt a fly, might get them out of there.
So, when Merlin stood in front of the wall, the pressure of being their last hope on his shoulders, Arthur was a bit confused to see the shame on his servant's face.
“Please, don´t think any different of me after this," he whispered, before opening his eyes and announcing his arrival, “I, Merlin, servant of the king of Camelot, ask to be judged.”
Like a man on a mission Merlin moved forward to the same place Arthur had knelt on. The knights all took place in the same places they had sat on the entire time before whispering what they might be about to see.
Arthur wondered what had Merlin so nervous. Then he remembered that Merlin may see a lot of people he actually missed. Like Will, and – well never mind, Arthur couldn't think of anyone else Merlin could miss. Then again, Merlin was quite the softy, so of course he would be nervous.
Which is why Arthur sat up a little more as the crowd gathered in the room. And Arthur stared in shock at the amount of people. It was even more than had been at his own judgment. And that had been a lot already. They had filled the entire room before. For Merlin – they stood between the living knights, just to have some space.
“Arthur, what's happening?” he heard Gwaine ask next to him in shock.
The worst part was that it was the same people that had judged Arthur before. Minus his mother. But there were so many more that it didn't matter. So many more people Arthur didn't even recognize. Even the bastet was here again.
Merlin looked straight ahead, as though he was trying very hard not to look at Arthur's reaction.
The first to speak up was a druid, much like with Arthur. But the child from before had no part in it. Merlin never knew the child.
“It was your destiny to free us,” the druid said, shaking his head in disappointment. “You have failed us, Emrys,” he said shaking his head.
Merlin bit his lip before answering. He was the first one of them to actually question his judgment. Arthur hadn't even thought of doing that before. Who was Emrys though? Were they mistaking Merlin for someone? But then, why were they here?
“My destiny isn't over yet," Merlin said sternly, looking at the druid who was playing with a token in hand.
The druid seemed to consider his words, “Very well. Then you shall not be judged by us yet.” They disappeared. No token was given. Merlin sighed in relief.
The next person to approach him was Nimueh. Nimueh? Arthur stared at her. She had barely said anything to him when she was there with him, so why would she be here for Merlin?
“You have betrayed me,” she said and shook her head, causing Arthur to flinch. Betrayed?
“You were to give your life for Arthur's, not mine!” she said, cold anger in her voice and Arthur paled at that. That…..that was far from anything the king had expected.
Merlin shook his head once more, “No, I offered my life for his and you took my mothers. It was you who betrayed me,” he said in a tense voice."
Nimueh growled at him, “And yet, you killed me,” She left a token on the desk. Disappearing into nothingness.
Arthur's eyes bulged at that. Merlin had killed Nimueh? A powerful sorceress? When did that happen? He wanted to say something, but he felt the need to watch stronger than his desire to interrupt his servant.
Will approached him next. He looked sadly at him, like he had at Arthur, “I'm sorry, Will,” Merlin said quietly, as though he knew exactly what he had done.
“Don't be. I can only give you a small token. You know why. You could have saved us. If you weren't so stubborn,” Will shook his head.
Merlin nodded at him, “It's fine, I understand, Will. I thank you either way.”
Will and the people of Ealdor disappeared. Merlin could have saved them? How?
Then Arthur heard Will's voice resonating in his head, “You hindered the sorcerer who could have saved us all.”
Was that – was that sorcerer Merlin?
No. NO! Merlin wasn't a sorcerer! But what else could this mean?
The next person to approach Merlin was Agravaine. Agravaine, Arthur blinked. Ok this was getting ridiculous, what had Agravaine have to do with all this?
“You killed me,” Agravaine said pointedly.
Okay, that answered that question.
“You deserved it,” Merlin growled, with no hint of regret in his voice that sent shivers down Arthur's spine. The token was put on the desk, but Merlin didn't even bat an eye at that.
The next were a group of knights, all of them confused on what they were doing here, them and a couple of confused men and women who had died of sickness. Merlin looked at them in shame, before he looked them in the eyes.
"I could have saved you all. But it was either your life, or Arthur's. I needed to protect him. I couldn't save you. Then Camelot would have fallen,” he apologized.
The people looked at him sadly, and nodded, as they handed him a token, “For the love of Camelot,” one of the knights said kindly, though a little hurt at the explanation. And then they disappeared, as though they understood.
Lancelot came to him next, “I see you haven't changed much,” he said smiling at Merlin.
Arthur stared at his honorable friend, with an obvious question in his head. The knights next to Arthur seemed to be questioning the same thing.
“No, and I still don't listen to what I'm told," Merlin smiled at him quietly, “You shouldn't have offered your life at the veil.” Merlin said quietly.
And then, Arthur understood. Somehow he knew. Somehow he could see what must have happened. Merlin had tried to offer his own life for Arthur´s. Lancelot had taken his chance. Oh that was just such a Merlin thing to do, Arthur realized.
“No, Merlin. Arthur needs you more than he knows. I have sacrificed myself for both of you and for the sake of Camelot. I couldn't have asked for a better death. I felt no pain. I never suffered. I thank you for that,” he handed Merlin a token.
“You took my only chance to die is what you did,” Merlin grinned and laughed at Lancelot who laughed back before he disappeared.
'What the hell did that mean?' Arthur thought, surprised.
The next one to turn up was someone Arthur knew as well. It was Balinor. The one person Arthur had actually expected to be here.
“Father,” Merlin said, clearly surprised to see the man once more, a single tear falling to the ground.
Arthur hissed a deep breath. What?
“What?” he heard Gwaine whisper next to him.
“That's….that's Balinor, the last dragon lord.” Arthur stammered, causing Gwaine to stare at him.
“You're saying he's Merlin's dad?!” he asked, incredulous. Head snapping back to Merlin, as though he suddenly understood something about his friend. Something they shared about their fathers. About their connection to Uther.
But Arthur couldn't know all of that, of course.
“Son,” Balinor said, "I am proud of you,” he said before granting Merlin another token. Then he disappeared and Arthur couldn't help but stare at Merlin.
Next was the bastet. She marched over to Merlin with a happy smile on her face, and as she took his hands in hers she said, “Thank you, Merlin. For everything,” and put her token in his hand as well. Without hesitation, without any form of doubt in her eyes.
“You have long repaid me. More than I deserve,” Merlin said with a chuckle as she leaned over to kiss him.
Okay, if Arthur had been irritated and shocked by the reveal of Balinor before, that was nothing compared to this. This woman – was Merlin's girlfriend or consort? Gwaine hissed a deep breath next to him, staring at Arthur in fear. Another horrible thought hit Arthur. It was Arthur who had killed her.
“Don't be ridiculous. I will always be there for you,” she said and then she as well disappeared. Merlin's face fell with sadness.
Edwin approached Merlin, shaking his head as he put his token on the desk. Merlin just nodded. But Arthur knew what this meant. Merlin had killed Edwin. Edwin had never disappeared, Merlin got rid of him.
There was Sophia and her father approaching Merlin as well now. Arthur had once tried to marry her. But he couldn't remember why he ever liked her in the first place.
“You took our chance to ever return to Avalon," Sophia said, her face filled with anger.
"We both know only you had a chance to return. And you had no problem to use Arthur's life for that. You enchanted him. I don't regret killing you,” Merlin said coldly, ignoring the token set on the desk.
It was as though every choice Arthur had made in his life had been influenced by Merlin. People that had died for Arthur, had died for Merlin was well. People that had once threatened Arthur's life, people that he never even saw, had been killed by his servant. His servant! And Merlin showed little to no regret over his murders. As though he never had a choice in that matter.
In the end, the token on the desk and in Merlin´s hand were about the same height. The small token of Will the only favor Merlin had for them. There was only one person left. One person with a full token. They could either save or doom them to stay in the maze. And Arthur could see the hope leaving Merlin's shoulders.
It was Uther Pendragon. He looked in confusion as he stood over Merlin. Anger in his expression. Even more anger than he had ever had when he addressed Arthur.
"Sorcerer,” he hissed at Merlin and the servant flinched at that.
“I told you I was born with it,” Merlin whispered.
“Tell me, boy, why am I here, if you had not killed me with your magic!” Uther growled, clearly unsure on why he was actually here.
Merlin shook his head, “I'm not seeking your gratitude. Never have and never will. I admit, I failed to save you. I tried to save you with magic, like I have done multiple times before without you knowing. But my magic failed that night, because your daughter was faster than me. She used a object that would reverse any attempts that were made to heal you. It backfired. I killed you. I know what you think of magic and clearly I disagree, but I've never meant to hurt you. For Arthur's sake, I wanted to save you.”
Merlin closed his eyes at the admission. Guilt clear as day on his face, knowing he'd never get Uther's blessing, but Arthur was more shaken by what he just heard. Dragoon was at fault for his father's death or so Arthur had thought. Not Merlin. But Merlin just confessed. He confessed he had magic. To his father no less. Merlin had killed Uther Pendragon. Merlin had killed Arthur´s father.
“It was you who saved me from Edwin, wasn't it?” Uther said quietly, his anger flattened as Merlin mentioned Arthur's sake.
“It was you who saved Morgana, when I asked Gaius to save her with magic. That was you, not him.” Merlin nodded silently, as if still surprised, “Gaius has raised you well.” Uther said, clearly torn between wanting to doom the sorcerer and doing nothing.
“For all I've heard tonight – you have suffered much to protect my son. You still are, are you not?” Uther looked weirdly merciful. It was so out of character that Arthur had to stifle a cough.
Merlin nodded. “Always,” he said.
Uther looked at his token, shaking his head, “I cannot grant you this token. But I can see that you did everything you could to protect my son. You are misguided in many ways, but you are loyal. I grant you that. I will give you my mercy. I won't judge,” With that Uther disappeared, his token with him.
Merlin had done it. He stared ahead at the pile of coins on the desk. Just one penny smaller than Merlin's.
In front of them the wall broke apart, leading them outside.
____________________
“You are a sorcerer," Arthur said, as soon as they had left the hall of judgment.
“I was born with magic,” Merlin admitted, just like he had to Uther earlier.
“You lied to me all this time!” Arthur said, with venom in his voice. How was he so angry? Even Uther had shown mercy upon Merlin. Uther hadn't even shown mercy over his own son.
Merlin looked at him, looking so small in that moment, “It is my destiny to protect you. That means making sacrifices. You of all people should know.”
“Not everyone causes people to die for them! You have no idea what it feels like to carry the lives of hundreds of people on your shoulder!” Arthur heard himself say again, as they finally stopped at the nearest river. And oh how wrong he was.
The worst part was, Arthur did understand. Only a little, but after all he had heard today, he could imagine all what Merlin had done for him.
All he had risked for him. All he had suffered and sacrificed. Only so that not all of those lives were carried by Arthur. Merlin had taken half his burden, if not more – and Arthur still doubted him.
This was going to be a long travel home. There were many things to discuss. Many things to accept and much mentality to rebuild.