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I missed him, I missed the time we had together.
It's not important. Your focus is what is in your hands.
Kaeya remembered when they were little, the first time they met, the first time he found a real friend. It was more than he expected, more than what he thought Celestia even was. In the dark, silent place that Kaeya was in, he could never think of anything like this. How long had he been there? Why had he been there?
It was so dim he couldn’t see past his small feet, toes barely visible. Cold. That’s all he felt at that moment. There was nothing else to feel. The ground was dusty just enough for his fingers to feel something, to feel anything at all. Kaeya didn’t think, he didn’t wonder. His toes twitched as he sat in the silence. Kaeya looks around, looks for his hope. There’s nothing to look at other than his tattered body on the ground, almost lifeless. It’s useless to cry, he notes, it’s useless to ask or hope. He’s alone, and he doesn’t want to feel it. Kaeya’s trying, trying to stay afloat, trying to push forward just a little. Just a little more.
Red. A gorgeous color that Kaeya saw. Red strands, red ribbons, red velvet. It was overwhelming. Kaeya remembers being so mesmerized by the color. For the first time, he could reach out and feel the red, soft and warm, caressing his small fingers. When Kaeya grew used to the people around him he opened up to them a little more.
Fractions, bit by bit, one day they’ll understand him. One day he’ll repay the favor. He swore to himself.
I'm sorry Diluc.
He doesn't matter.
The redhead always mattered. When they were little until now even. Diluc always mattered. Kaeya still remembers the time he promised himself and Diluc. “I’ll swear it today and live it everyday! Diluc, I’ll always be by your side. I’m your knight! Tell me whatever and I shall heed! Command me and I shall go.”
Kaeya proudly held up his sword and cut himself, letting the blood drip as a contract that could not be broken. The red dripped into the white snow drawing flowers on the empty canvas. It was cold, the boy notes, it’s comforting, he realizes. Diluc smiles at his brother and takes him into a warm hug. “I acknowledge you, Kaeya, as my knight.”
Kaeya had never felt happier.
This is for you, Diluc.
What are you doing? Follow the plan. Follow the instructions!
It was raining that night but it felt colder than the icy weather. Kaeya looked at his hands and back at the boy in the cart. Diluc was shocked. Kaeya could lie, he could say it wasn't him, he could put the blame on the dirty Fatui, he could. He really could and pretend to keep being on the redhead’s side.
Kaeya didn't say a word, his hands dripping the blood of their father, Diluc's father. He knew this was the point. He looked at the sky and smiled having the rain wash his shame. Red again, it was so angry but it was still splendid.
"What the hell?! What the hell did you do?!" Diluc slammed Kaeya's body on the ground nearby, tears leaking out of the beautiful ruby orbs. Kaeya couldn't say anything, everything had been revealed.
Kaeya looked at Diluc, summoning the coldest look he could muster.
"Kaeya! Say something!!"
"Kaeya explain yourself!!"
"Kaeya. I hate you. I HATE YOU. WHY DID YOU EVEN COME HOME?!"
Kaeya didn't cry, he couldn't cry. He just looked helplessly at the latter. Diluc clawed at Kaeya's chest, threatening to take his heart out and crush it into pieces. For Diluc it must really hurt, Kaeya thinks.
The worst thing was Diluc had his eye. The one that the stupid Tsaritsa had infected, the stupid one that made him this way. On his chest were marks that could not ever be forgotten. In his heart were marks that could never be healed. In his throat were words that could not be said.
" I'm so sorry. It's for you."
"Diluc, I love you. I really do."
Instead he remained silent. He knew who was more hurt. He knows Diluc is suffering. He knows it hurts more for Diluc than it does for him. So why? Why could he never say it? Say the truth?
I would like to pledge my disloyalty to you. From now I no longer work for you. Goodbye.
You can not escape us, Experiment095. We will always be watching you.
Even his time in the Knights was a pain. Fighting someone who knew your plans? Disgusting. Kaeya had learned his way with words, an elegant process best to be admired up close or by the side. He watches from afar, like how a jaguar watches its prey. Watches afar from the city, from the country, from the Traveler too.
Kaeya likes the traveler because he's brought new and exciting stuff to the usual load of work. He's also brought Diluc some help too, in the position of Kaeya too. The blue haired fella remembers the time he pledged to be Master Diluc's knight.
I am your knight, your right hand. If you wish to call upon me, I will make my appearance.
Kaeya still remembers, but he knows it'll never seem that way. He'll just stay in the dark and protect Diluc. Stay hidden and be his master's dark knight. Kaeya could never think of Diluc dying when he still lived.
Aether announced his declaration to get his sister back about a year later. A madlad, a wonderful twin, a powerful being. Kaeya respected the Honorary Knight for taking such actions. He thought of his "brother", of their relationship. There was no hope for it now, things had been set in stone.
The notebook, Kaeya told Aether about the important notebook. The important plan that would take place. The notebook that ruined his life and crushed him over and over. Every time he opened it the words would be dimmer than the last, as if they wanted him to forget the time with Diluc, the time with the city of freedom.
Kaeya used to treasure the notebook, a recording of his memories and time that he spent with Diluc. Their bond and moments, their days as young children. It’s all foggy now, Kaeya can’t recall anything more than what happened yesterday.
It was the only thing keeping him alive, so why? Why is it slowly slipping away?
My dear Queen, I have come for your head.
That night, Kaeya held nothing back as he pushed his way into the stronghold. His eyepatch gone, showing his beautiful white single eye. The piece of the Gnosis, the true vision that lies within him. The poison that dumb cryo queen wanted him to have.
"Welcome back traitor. You don't really believe you could win, right?" The Tsaritsa's voice echoed everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
Kaeya simply smiled, a sly yet magnificent shine on his face. " I am here for revenge, would you mind to step down from the throne?"
As they clashed, the sky cried as it celebrated a new reign. A new God that had approached the throne and country. Kaeya plunged his fingers right into the flesh, the soft and cold flesh and ripped out the shining crystal inside. A beautiful blue crystal that shone like the moon during the night of a wish. It was snowing that night too, but he didn’t feel cold. He couldn’t feel anything as he took the crown for the kingdom. He held it up ready and fitted the puzzle in his eye together, locking the memories from spilling. Locking his feelings inside.
Goodbye.
His mind and body both frozen and left in the past, Kaeya became the new God of Cryo. One that led with fairness and full of justice.
Diluc, did I do well? Are you proud of me now?
After all this time, I still will always be your knight. Maybe I won't remember you, maybe you'll hate me. It's okay, it's the best for you.
That night if I didn't kill your father, I would never be able to live again. A knight without its master is useless. It holds no meaning and value, it holds no price or pride. You of all people should understand this. You do right? You probably do.
Forgive me then. I'll see you someday.
Kaey~
The final entry in the notebook was finished yet his name had not been completely signed off. How would Diluc feel? Does it matter anymore? It’s over now.