Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He looked out on the sea of soldiers sitting before him. Soldiers from different regiments. Different posts. So many faces. Except from the one face he wanted to see; Havers.

He knew the post was back from Africa. He’s seen a few men that were sent there at the start of the war. So that meant Havers…

No. He didn’t want to entertain that idea. Not yet.

He received his medals, he clapped when he needed to, he stood when he needed to, but he wasn’t with it. He couldn’t keep his mind off where Havers could be.

He somehow found himself standing in his office, back at Button house. He needed to clear his things out, it was an actual house after all, the owners would need it back. But he couldn’t do it. Couldn’t bring himself to pack up without closure.

No one had seen Havers for a good month and a half. He had been sent to hospital from Africa after receiving a nasty shot to the shoulder. But, surely, if Havers had been in hospital, he could’ve come for the ceremony? Other soldiers who were injured had…

He finally let the realisation hit him. Havers was dead, and they didn’t even get to say a proper goodbye.

He couldn’t do it. Not now. His knees gave way, and he gripped his desk as if it were his only lifeline. In many ways, it was.

He didn’t know what was happening. He wasn’t sure now, but sure enough, the cyanide was on the desk in front of him.

Did he really want to do this?

He couldn’t do this without him

But he could be alive

But he could be dead

Dead

Dead

Dead

That single thought was enough. He was vaguely aware of the bitter liquid slipping quickly down his throat, burning it in the process. He felt sick, the dim lights becoming almost blinding, hurting his head. He collapsed to the floor, the simple task of breathing becoming difficult. Before too long, he found himself slipping into unconsciousness.

Chapter Text

He woke up (how was that possible??) to whispering. Well, most people were whispering. One of them hadn’t seemed to get the memo.

“It’s tragic isn’t it?”

“Mmm. Try improper.”

“Be he dead?”

“I think he is!”

“Shhh. Might not be.”

He opened his eyes, being met by 5 people, very obviously not from his time. There was a caveman who looked like a slightly less hairy bear, a woman who looked like she’d been burnt at the stake, another woman who was smiling so much he was surprised her face could take it, a man who had been shot through the side, and a third woman who had a very sour look on her face.

“Who- Who the bally hell are you lot?” He asked, standing to attention and trying to regain his composure.

“We dead. You dead.” The caveman explained.

“Oh, eloquent as ever Robin.” The man who had been shot said.

“Don’t yous twos starts.” The one covered in ash sighed.

“None of those were plural, Mary! Honestly, do none of you understand proper grammar!”

“Oh for goodness sake stop it!” The sour looking one said. “He’s just died, he doesn’t need you lot bickering like mad people!”

“Uh, yes thank you.” He said, “But you still haven’t really answered my question…”

The smiling one perked up. “Oh, well I’m Kitty, and this is Robin, Mary, Thomas and Lady Button!” She answered, pointing at each one respectively.

“What your name?” Robin asked, stepping closer to him.

“Um, well…” He began.

“Oh, he’s the captain, isn't he?” Kitty asked, gleefully.

“So he is.” Thomas agreed.

“Yes… anyway..”

“That could be a nickname for you!” Kitty announced, with the rest of the ghosts making vague noises of agreement.

“Well, I would prefer you didn’t-” he began, before being interrupted by a knock. Then another. Then another.

“Sir?”

No… no, not that voice. Please God no.

“Captain?” They sounded more frantic. Another knock, which sounded more like a bang than anything.

Suddenly the door flew open, and Havers ran in, frantic. He looked older than The Captain remembered, sterner, and his left shoulder was bound tightly in a bandage, but it was still Havers. He looked around for a second, before his eyes met the dead body on the floor. Havers gasped and staggered back, grasping for something, anything, to stop him passing out. He made a noise that sounded like a strangled scream, followed by “Someone get a medic! Anyone! Please!”

The Captain watched helplessly as Havers stared at his dead body. Why did the universe want to keep them apart? Why them? What had they done?

Why did he have to be so impulsive. If he’d waited… if he hadn’t have been so stupid…

Havers let out a sob before bringing his hand to his mouth. If anyone saw him in this state over his captain, god the rumours would spread like wildfire. But he couldn’t help it. He shouldn’t have left Button House. He shouldn’t have left him. He didn’t want to. But the second he handed in his transfer notice it was too late. And now the captain, his captain, was dead, and Havers hadn’t even had the chance to say goodbye.
———
The Captain watched his body get carried out of the office, the other ghosts had long gone. Havers stayed where he was. The Captain was sure he had barely moved since entering. Havers looked so pale, so broken. How could he have done this? He didn’t even leave a note for Havers. There was nothing he could do now to tell Havers how much he meant to him.

“Lieutenant?” a soldier stood at the door.

Havers wiped his eyes as quickly as he could, and took a quiet deep breath. “Y-Yes?”

“You’re needed downstairs, stat.”

“Yes, yes. Give me one moment.”

The soldier nodded and left, leaving Havers alone once again. He knew he couldn’t stay here long, suspicion would rise, so he turned to the door.

He stopped at the door frame and turned to look at the room one last time. Smiling slightly, he whispered to the empty room.

“I love you.”

The Captain smiled.

“I love you too.”