Archive of Our Own

It was lonely.

When the only sound you could hear was your heartbeat, you realized that you are completely and utterly alone. A long time ago, there was still his older brother, Wilbur, who accompanied him when they were exiled by the horned man. Although the said man finally drowned in his own madness to death, at the very least there still had someone whom he could share his pain with.

But now?

The only living being on this island is just Tommy. Ghostbur was with him, but he definitely was not someone--or something--who could be classified as a living being anymore. Sure, his presence lessened his solitude, however, he couldn’t feel the pain he felt through and through. How he, once again, was thrown away and exiled from his beloved country. God, Ghostbur didn’t even remember his past self, when he was alive.

It was bitter.

Since he flew away from L’manberg, from Dream SMP, there was no one who bothered to contact him, asking how he was doing, aside from Ranboo and Bad, even if only by communicator, and the other dropped in for a moment. Everyone had abandoned him all alone, even Tubbo, his best friend.

Especially since he was the reason why Tommy had ended up here.

“Tommyinnit, I hereby exile you from L’manberg!”

His best friend’s final verdict from the other day still rings inside his head, crystal clear. Like a broken record, his words continued on loop without a pause, echoing in the void he had in his chest. His voice was cold and stern. His expression perfectly described how he felt: disappointed. His voice was like a stab in the heart. Never, not even in his worst nightmare, that he thought Tubbo would betray him. That he’ll hurt him like this.
Tubbo is his best friend--his brother, even! It didn’t matter if everyone hated him, as long as Tubbo was right beside him, everything would be okay. But now, without Tubbo beside him, he felt lost.

Truly, the world works in a mysterious way.

As if being exiled was not enough, Dream comes every day to disturb his exiled life. From the small things like following him everywhere like a stalker, destroying Bad’s gift for him, to how Dream deliberately invites him to go to the nether with Sapnap and Ghostbur with a hope that he could visit L’manberg, just to be crushed by a stern warning from the smiley mask man.

“If you go through the portal, Tommy, I won’t hesitate to kill you.”

Tommyinnit was known as a loud, brash, yet brave teenager. However, even the hardest stone can be destroyed. War after war he went through as if it has become a daily routine, betrayal after betrayal he swallowed whole. He was forced to mature before his time, becoming a soldier who’s ready to die for his country. His home. His L’Manberg.

He already gave so much for L’Manberg: His loyalty, his discs, even his life.

But, have they ever repaid his sacrifices for once? Was that not enough in their eyes?

Tommyinnit is a very loyal teen to those he cares about, but he is not one who doesn’t have limits. He has his limit, and he’s passed beyond that limit.
He was tired of putting his trust to people, just for him to be betrayed by them at some point. How many times has his heart broken? How many times has he put his heart back for it to be broken countless times like a glass?

He decided he wouldn’t try to care anymore.

Perhaps since the beginning he had fated to be all alone. No one, nobody cared about him, even his own family. When was last time Philza asking about his well-being now that he had been here, in this SMP? Almost never. The 32 years old man prefers to keep company with Technoblade--that damn traitor--than Tommy, who needed him the most. So, whether he was alive or not, Tommy was sure they wouldn’t miss him. On the contrary, they would be delighted that the little troublemaker finally left from this world.

Not just once, not twice that Tommy thought to let the sea of lava turn him into ashes. Feeling the warmth and freedom he dreamed of, that no one ever gave to him. Being exiled has made him cold. Tommy wondered if this is what Wilbur felt when he was in Pogtopia. The chilling cold creeping into his soul. If not for Dream who forcefully pulled him, Tommy might’ve already been in eternal peace.

“It's not your time to die,” said Dream. Maybe if Tommy didn’t know Dream any better, he would’ve thought that Dream actually cares about him. But Tommy knows better that Dream doesn’t want him to die before he could control him. That’s why he do all of this, torturing him both physically and mentally, slowly turning him into a soulless puppet. Giving a spark of hope to destroy it when Tommy hold it for dear life on that hope. Death feels like an easy way out of this situation.

He was mad. He wanted to scream. But more than that, he felt hurt. Why didn’t he let him be at peace?

“It was never my time,” Tommy sarcastically replied, brushed away Dream’s hand from his shoulder then continued to walk as if it never happened in the first place.

Tommy was tired. Really, really tired. He was tired having to lament his life. He was tired, continuously feeling sad. He was tired, always feeling cold all the time. He was tired being alone. He was tired being alive.

Even so, his subconscious was more obstinate than his consciousness, always refusing to give up. He never knows when to stop. He also can always rise from adversity, no matter how deep it was.

That is his only reason to keep on living

No, he couldn’t let himself be easily pulled down into the abyss, as tempting as it sounds. If he gave up right now, that green bastard would enjoy watching his life slowly fading away from his eyes..

He growled. His once dull blue eyes, once again filled with the light of life. The image of Dream, enjoying his slow and painful death to the fullest filled him with renewed vigor. He can’t give up just yet--not yet.

If Tommy was already destined to die, then he will choose his own way. He will decide how he will die, not anyone, not even Dream. He will make his death become a reminder for Dream that even in his death, he could never control him fully.

Technoblade once told him a story about Theseus, A Greek Hero who died due to the town he had saved exiled him.

‘Heroes never have a happy ending.’

Like Theseus, Tommy could feel himself a step closer to death. But, unlike Theseus, Tommy will not let himself die without a fight. He promised himself that he would never let Dream win.

And for the first time since he exiled, Tommy was smiling.

It’s time to go home.

The temperature in Nether Biome was as hot as he could remember. No matter how thin the clothing he wore, the heat was as unbearable as ever. However, that heat could never get rid of the cold that has resided too long within him. Orange splashes from the magma cube and striders made Tommy be more careful with his steps.

With only a diamond sword and a compass he got from Ghotsbur, Tommy now walking on a world of red dirt. He decided that it is time. No one can stop him now. Not Fundy, not Tubbo, not even Dream. Once Tommy decides on something, he’ll do anything to make it happen.

His gaze scanned all around him, looking for an obsidian portal that connects the Nether with L’Manberg, before his blue eyes focused on a familiar shape a few meters away from where he stands.

As usual, that man wore his smiley mask signature. His body leaned on the Netherrack wall, staring somewhere on the red horizon, as if he'd been waiting for the boy. Tommy couldn’t see his expression underneath that mask, but he was sure as his determination that Dream is grinning wide. He clenched his fist until it turned white.

“Hello, Dream.” Tommy greeted him, surprisingly, in such a calm voice.

Dream turned his head to him. “Ah, Tommy! What brings you here?” His voice is cheerful as if he just had a great day, and that disgust Tommy to no end.

“Oh, you know, I’m just admiring the lava below.” Tommy took a quick glance on the sea of lava down there. Sparkling ember of the flames tempted him, pulling him into it. To jump. But Tommy held himself back; not the time to give. Not before he gave his message to the man before him. “Don’t you think they’re beautiful, Big D?”

If only Dream didn’t wear his mask, Tommy certainly could see the change in the man’s expression. A frown appeared as a sign that he didn’t like the nickname Tommy gave him. "Is that so? Surely, it is enticing to say the least." He commented, emerald eyes following where Tommy had laid his attention. The lava seems to remind him of a particular memory. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Dream asked, nonchalantly voice out his curiosity. Needless to say, Tommy already knew what he was trying to say. Are you thinking of jumping?

"Perhaps. But, I'm not a mind reader, Dream. Perhaps not."

"How unfortunate."

Shrieks of a Ghast can be heard from the distance, a high pitch and hoarse shriek, like a beast experiencing death. But, none of them gave their attention to it. Both of them are neck deep inside their own thoughts.

Within the silence, Tommy looked into his inventory. The compass Ghostbur gave to him pointing at the direction he’s heading.

Your Tubbo, the name of the compass. The compass Ghostbur gave to always pointing where Tubbo is.

Tubbo.

Tommy took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the thick hot air around him, while his mind kept wondering. How is he now? Is that bee-lover boy happier after he was exiled? Is he happier now? Does he miss Tommy the way Tommy missed him? Questions after questions haunting him worse than having Phantom all around him, and none of them gave him an answer.

He tried to hate him. To hate Tubbo. He tried to forget that boy, to erase him from his mind, from his heart. Erasing every last trace of him that he brought along in his exilement. But no matter how hard he tries, he always found himself missing him more, even more than the pain of his betrayal on him.

Ironic, he bitterly thought. He always seen Tubbo as the clingy boy who can’t be more than 3 meters away from him, who always needs him to be functional, but he was wrong: He is the one who needs Tubbo. He is the clingy one. He needs him to stay functional. He needs him to be able to stand tall. He needs him to breath. Tubbo is just fine even without Tommy; he’s the one who needs Tubbo by his side.

Tommy laughed, his voice is no more than someone breathing heavily. The deepest part of his brain is suddenly reminded by Wilbur, reminded by his laugh when he talks about blowing up L’Manberg. It was almost the exact same.

Minutes passed by in seconds, and both of them were still staring at one another. Tommy looked down, on his ragged shoes standing on the blood red netherrack. Without lifting his head up, he said, “Hey, Dream. If i told you to kill me, would you do it?”

The man’s body shifted his weight from one side to another. Under that smiley mask, his mouth is shut, while his mind seems to take it’s time to answer the simple question he got from the exilee.

"Surely, I would gladly take the offer.” Tommy raised his head. It’ll be a lie if he didn’t feel excited at the thought of him, finally at peace he’s been yearning all the time. “However, there won't be as much fun if you die with such...joy. With such peace. So, no, I will not kill you."

But of course Dream would say that. He would never let Tommy be free from his grasp that easily. Tommy felt his emotion boiling like the lava below, burning him from inside and turned him into as hard as obsidian. He can’t wait until he could let everything out on Dream. Show him the pain he brought and gave upon him all this time. But it’s not the time. Not yet.

"Huh, and here I thought a heartless bastard like you is not a pussy. Turns out I was wrong." Tommy provoked the green guy. His netherite armor glowed purple by various enchantments which basically turned him invincible.

"What do you want, Tommy?" Dream asked calmly.

Tommy scoffed, almost intentionally. "What do I want? I don't know, maybe I just want to go home and meet my friends again." He nearly couldn’t hide his frustration any longer. His friends, his family, he wanted to see them. He needs to see them.

Under that mask, Dream grinned. His provocation worked. And he further provoked that boy.

"Well, I could always escort you to Logstedshire."

"Not that damned place!" Tommy shouted at him, leaving a painful sore in his throat as if its being ripped apart. The heat of the Nether drained him out of moisture faster than the desert.

Dream tilted his head like an owl, acting so innocent by dropping facts and reality onto Tommy. "You know I can't do that. You're exiled, after all."

"And whose fault was that?" Tommy’s voice is sharper than a netherite sword with sharpness IV. His eyes drilled a hole inside the green monster before him.

"Your fault, obviously,” answered Dream calmly, crossing his arms on his chest, showing off his self-proclaimed victory over their argument.

"Well, here's a big news, Dream.” Tommy took a step towards Dream, making him lowering his arms. “I don't give a fuck, whether you let me or not.” His eyes never left his opponent, not even blinking, forcing the green man to stare back at him. “I will go home. To my real home. To my friends."

Dream snorted, nearly laughing at the exilee’s statement. “You know I could easily kill you, right?” Almost immediately, Dream unsheathed his netherite sword, glowing purple of enchantment he’d put before. A silent threat to control his opponent, which in this case, was Tommy. Both knew that with one strike Tommy will die, his remains will be nothing more than ashes.

"Are you deaf or what? Didn't you hear what I said?” There was shock in Dream’s movement, a very slight uncomfortable weight shifting that made Tommy smile. “I said I'm going home."

"Then I’m afraid I have to take extreme measures." Dream took a few steps forward, whilst Tommy was ready to pull out his sword.

Dream walked towards Tommy menacingly, dragging his enchanted netherite sword on the netherrack, carving threat along the way. But Tommy, who’s not scared in the slightest, pulled out his sword, pointing it at Dream.

"Did you think I would come unprepared, you bitch!"

"I did, actually. I just hope your preparation includes endless despair, you little, lowly, disgusting pest." A low growl came out of his mouth, along with a swing of his sword at Tommy. But the sword only slashed the hot air where Tommy was. Dream forgot that his opponent is someone who was trained personally by Technoblade, the self-proclaimed anarchist.

"Shut up, you god-wannabe!" Tommy dashed forward, swinging his diamond sword horizontally. Loud clinks echoed in the Nether when Tommy’s sword hit Dream’s armor. It was a vain attack, as that man, who wore a full set of enchanted netherite armor, received no damage at all. But what happened next caught Tommy off his guard.

A long slash carved on his body in the same pattern as his attack. Blood sprayed from his body, splattered onto the netherrack on their feet. He stabbed his sword on the ground to keep him up. The sudden burst of pain almost made his legs give up on him.

Thorn. He should’ve known that, no wonder why Dream didn’t bother to move an inch from his spot. Whatever attack that hit him will be taken by the attacker as well. Even though its not as strong as the original and the wound was not that deep, it was enough to keep Tommy stand still for a while.

"Give up, Tommy. You can never hurt me even if you try your best. Even if you have all of your armor."

He gritted his teeth. The pain which he felt throughout his body wasn’t comparable to the ache inside his heart he’d endure for weeks, even months. This was nothing. He’d seen worse. “As if I would ever comply to your command that easily.”

Once again, Tommy run forward and swings his sword to Dream with full force, this time, he aimed for a small part which isn't covered by his armor. Yet, Dream, who had changed his sword into an iron one as a form of insult for Tommy, fend the attack with ease. Tommy’s repetitive movement was so easy to predict it’s laughable.

“I can let you just hit me and wound yourself even further, but there will be no fun to have.”

Swords clashing one another filled the silence in the Nether like a symphony of death. Tommy was able to dodge attack after attack that Dream threw at him, but it took a lot of effort to hit Dream without touching his armor. On Dream’s side, he just playing around, laughing at his opponent. Even without weapon, he could beat Tommy.

Seconds turned into minutes, and the pace of the fight slowed down. Without any sign, the fight stopped, and Tommy found himself on the ground. His breath running fast, with his body bathing in sweat and blood. Countless cuts and slashes immobilize him in his place with pain.

Footsteps approached Tommy’s body on the ground. He looked up and found Dream looking down at and on him. Even with his body all bloody and beaten up, trembling by the pain all over him, his eyes glaring gave more proof that he, even in his condition, still did not fear Dream.

Tommy took a deep breath, heart pounding against his chest, waiting for that sword to fall onto him, ending him. Dream kicked him and flipped him over. The tip of Dream’s sword stayed right on his chest, ready to kill. But as seconds go by, Dream still not kill him

"You know what? I changed my mind."

He blinked his eyes, thinking if what Dream said was just him hallucinating. But from the glow of lava on his sword, he realized what he said was true. That he actually changed his mind.

“I will be merciful and pretend that today's event never happened." Dream unequipped his sword, his green hand stretching from holding it too long. "Go back to your logsted, or whatever, Tommy." There was a hidden layer of amusement behind his words, as well as sneer mixed within, in which Tommy didn’t take it lightly.

"No. Fuck you, you green bastard!" He swears profanity at Dream, but sadly gains no reaction from the said man. Dream remains calm, unfazed, gazing upon the teenager as if he was nothing but a mere bug. "I won't go back. I will go home no matter what happens, even if it costs my life." He bit his lips until it bled. With what’s left of his energy, he pushed himself back up, even when his whole body was trembling out of exhaustion and pain.

Then, a hard kick landed and once again Tommy found himself fell on the ground. Dream crouching down in front of Tommy, align himself with the blond.

"Are you that desperate to see your family again? The same family that have never, not even once in your pathetic lifetime, be by your side? Who have never loved you the same way you loved them?" Dream’s voice was low and cold, something Tommy had listened to countless times in his life, yet it still managed to sent shiver down his spine. One of his hands grasped the sides of Tommy's face roughly, forcing him to lift up his face eye-to-eye. “Tommy, Tommy. My poor, pitiful, Tommy. I thought you’d learn a thing or two in the span of a few days of your exile, but apparently all that you could ever do till the bitter end is run your mouth.” He chuckled darkly, releasing his grasp from Tommy’s face, feeling no remorse or whatsoever.

“Oh well, it's no use holding an argument with a barking, rabies dog.” Dream then get up from his position, brushing the surface of his pants briefly. He shifted his gaze at Tommy for a moment, before he turned back, ready to leave the blond. “See you later.”

Blood blurred Tommy’s sight, but he could see the green shape walking away, leaving him on the burning biome. His mouth trembled and his breath was uncontrolled. Fighting him physically is no longer an option, in fact, it never was--he just took a gamble. But despite the odds, he gathered what’s left of his strength to pull that man back.

"Running like a coward you are, are you Dream?” Tommy coughed, leaving blood spots on the Netherrack. “No wonder why George and Sapnap left you."
He stopped, body stiff as stone even without all those armor he wore. His demeanor changed into something Tommy has yet to see. He turned around, even that smiley mask couldn’t hide the mixed emotions that’s painted all over his face. "What did you say?"

"Have you ever thought about it, Dream? Unlike you, I still have people left who will welcome me with open arms when I come back." He knew that in any moment, Dream could drawing his sword and piercing it into his body right here, right now. But he couldn’t careless. Not anymore. "But, you? You only have yourself and your lackeys, which I don't think they even like you in the first place."

Tommy snickered as if he pitied the tall man.

"You act all mighty and shit, but even a blind person knows you're nothing but a pathetic son of a bitch, with chronic God complex, who only knows how to play his cards right."

"You are playing a dangerous game here, Tommyinnit."

"So what if I am? I don't care anymore, Dream! You already took everything from me, leaving me with nothing but misery and loneliness!" He screamed, mixed by sadness and unfiltered rage. "But, hey! It's all thanks to you, now I know what I'm 'bout to do." Tommy wiped out the blood from the corner of his mouth, aquamarine eyes held a steady gaze towards Dream.

"You said you wouldn't kill me, but that's not true, right? It is inevitable, and I know one day it'll be bound to happen. You will do it without hesitation, but not before you make me crumble and submit to you." He paused, as he thought over his words before speaking again, this time louder than before. “Guess what, Dream? I'm not going to give you that satisfaction you're craving for! I'm not going to submit to you, not now, not ever, no matter what torture you're putting me through.”

Because Tommyinnit is a big man. He will not bow to anyone other than himself.

“Beside, you are nothing but a failed, pathetic god. You act all mighty and shit all the time, but you can’t even control a single person right in front of you, more less a kid. How pathetic, is that?” Tommy can’t help but to laugh at his own taunt. How long has it been since last time he could speak freely like this? Pouring out all his thoughts without having to worry about. "If I were you I would be embarrassed."

"Tommy—"

"What? What are you going to do? Kill me? Oh, sure! Kill me, Dream! Kill me!" He continued his taunt with a crooked smile. "Kill me and it'll surely prove my point!"

Stab.

His eyes widened due to the pain inflicted by the sword around his abdomen.

"You're too full of yourself, Tommyinnit." To say it was an accident was an understable. After all, Dream too, was also an unstable man, like him. However, it seemed that Dream didn’t want Tommy to die just yet, considering how he pulled back his sword as quickly as possible, grabbing Tommy’s fragile body in one hand, while the other searching for a health potion he saved in one of his inventory.

He brought his face forward, whispering in Tommy’s ear with such intimidation. "Remember, in this world, I'm the one who holds all the power. I'm a puppeteer, and you are nothing more than a puppet whose strings are played by me.”

From the corner of his eyes, Tommy could see the pinkish liquid inside the bottle Dream was holding. A health potion. He wanted to laugh. He really does want to keep him alive a bit longer, huh?

“At the end of the day, I'm the one who will determine whether you die or not. And your god says today is not your time to die yet.”

“Is it?” He whispered, full of sorrow. He looked up at Dream one last time before he opened his mouth.

"Sorry, but I don't play by your rules, bitch." When he uttered those words with hatred, he spit at his mask, saliva mixed with blood. Dream was perplexed, accidently loosening up his grip on Tommy. In result, Tommy was wasting no time and started to run towards the edge, ignoring the pain on his abdomen.

He looked down, trails of blood following him like a devoted lover. If he was gonna die, might as well die on his term.

"TOMMY!" Dream was screaming, hoping that it would stop Tommy.

But there was nothing he could do to stop him.

As his body slowly descends into a pool of molten rock, into a certain death where he will never again meet his friends, his Tubbo, Tommy was at ease. His body felt light, as if all of his burden had been lifted off of him. He was, however, curious about something: will he be like Wilbur? Losing his memory, only remember some fragments of it. Will he lose more memory than Wilbur? Will he even become a ghost like him? But most importantly, is he selfish till his very end? He was scared of that, yet he was calm.

He tried to remember as much as he could, wishing that it’ll stick with him to the next life.

He remembered the drug van. How he and Wilbur tried to become a dealer, which ended in a total failure.

He remembered the wall of L’Manberg. How he helped build the walls with the others, through the rain, through the heat, and through the snow.

He remembered a traitor. The one who sold them out, the one who was once a king, but replaced.

He remembered his friends: Fundy, Niki, Quackity, Jack Manifold, Ranboo, Bad, Skeppy, Purple, even George and Sapnap.

He remembered his family. His dad with a green bucket hat, his older brother who wears a crown on his head with pride, and his other brother who would sing, accompanied by his guitar.

He remembered a clingy boy who loves bees so much. The boy who never leaves his side. The boy who went through war and conflicts side by side with him. The boy whom he called his brother.

Tommy took out the compass Wilbur gave to him, pointing upward where the land was: Your Tubbo. Up there, next to Dream, Ghostbur stared down at him. He couldn’t see his expression, but it felt so warm seeing him. He pulled the compass close to him, to his heart, where everything he ever fought for stays, and will stay there forever.

“I’m going home, brother."

For once in a long time, Tommy cried, but this time, out of relief.

In his last moment, he got his independence and freedom. Something Dream will never be able to steal from him.

[Tommyinnit tried to swim in lava]