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Adam wasn’t moving.
He was paralyzed, just quiet, sitting on Ronan’s bed, lips still parted.
What. The. Hell.
He knew Ronan liked him, he knew Ronan wanted to kiss him, just… he had never thought Ronan would actually act on it. When he imagined how their first kiss would go down, it was always him who connected his lips to Ronan’s.
And he had imagined it plenty.
They were all different scenarios but they always ended with him too tired to only want, too desperate for the attention he could see Ronan ached to shower him in, and so he always ended up pressing his lips to Ronan’s.
This wasn’t bad, this was just...surprising.
He felt a lot of things running through his mind right that second, always the survivor, trying to make the most sense of what had just happened to elaborate the best plan possible.
But this just couldn’t be calculated.
Because these were feelings, this was delicate, but most importantly, this was Ronan.
And Ronan was not a force to play with.
He felt his whole body charged with electric energy, a current that started in his fingertips and went through his whole body over and over again.
He felt important, and loved, and treasured.
And so terribly scared.
He got up from where he was sitting on Ronan’s bed and dried his sweaty hands in his jeans, with careful and slow movements.
Why had Ronan practically ran out of the room the moment their kiss had ended?
Adam was pretty sure that his feelings were reciprocated, that Ronan looked at him with the same hunger.
Still, he doubted.
He took a deep breath.
One of the things his father had taught him was that he wasn’t made for love, that the only things he would ever deserve were hatred and disgust.
There was a time where Adam had thought that he would only be able to love angry men.
Because that was what he deserved.
Adam shook his head.
No. That was before life. Before Gansey and Blue, and Noah. And Ronan.
Oh Ronan.
With his gifts and his subtle gestures, with how he made things easy and complicated at the same time.
The boy who got his knuckles bloody every other day, but also the boy who would take such good care of the things that really mattered to him.
That contradiction of a boy who had made him realize that maybe, he was made for love, he could feel love, and receive it without feeling too much guilt about it.
He was about to exit Ronan’s room when a decided hand pressed itself on his shoulder and made him take a few steps back.
“Blue” Adam whispered, then cleared his throat and repeated, this time with a normal tone, “Blue”.
The girl was looking at him with curiosity and a speck of fear in her eyes.
“Did Ronan really kiss you?” Adam looked at her with his eyes wide. “I overheard Ronan tell Gansey, I’m really sorry.” Blue really looked sorry so Adam just stood there, looking at Blue until he couldn’t keep a straight face no mora and his mouth broke in a soft smile.
“Yeah?” Adam said, almost whispering again. “Yeah, he did”.
Blue nodded and took the boys hands in hers.
“Are you gonna break his heart? Please, please do it gently” Blue whispered.
And then it hit Adam. Blue still thought he had feelings for her.
“Blue, don’t be offended but I haven’t felt anything for you that wasn’t friendship for at least a year. I- I’m in love with him”.
The girl's eyes filled with tears, yet none of them fell from them.
She hugged him, putting her arms around the boy’s neck and smiled against the skin there.
Adam hugged her back, putting his hands on her hips.
“Oh thank whoever I have to thank” She murmured and smiled, both of them separating from their embrace. “I just came upstairs to say goodbye, Gansey and I are going back home, do you want a ride?”.
Adam looked at her and smiled, “I think I’m staying”.
Blue said her goodbyes and left with the other boy, leaving the house in total silence except for the usual cricket or the flapping of wings coming from Chainsaw.
Adam closed his eyes and took a deep breath, slowly making his way downstairs, trying not to make too much noise.
After walking through the whole floor and not seeing the other boy, Adam walked towards the door and opened it slowly, enjoying the soft november breeze that hit his face the moment he stepped outside.
And there he was, the dreamer, looking like he had really come out of one of Adam’s happiest dreams, his bare arms against the railing of the porch, his soft skin looking the palest shade of blue Adam had ever seen.
He was beautiful.
He knew Ronan wouldn’t do anything more, he knew it was his turn to decide what was going to happen with them.
The other boy had already bared his soul and his wants for him, and now he was waiting.
Adam knew Ronan was scared, just as much as he himself was.
But there really wasn’t that much to think about.
He knew Ronan was either everything or nothing, and no one could blame the freckled boy for wanting everything with him.
And so he pushed himself until he was just behind Ronan, took a steadying breath and wrapped his arms around Ronan’s hips, putting his head between the other boy’s shoulder blades.
He felt Ronan tense slightly, just to relax a second after.
“Adam”.
It was barely a whisper, but it made Adam’s heart practically sing.
He separated from Ronan’s back and supported his back on one of the wood columns that supported the whole porch, on Ronan’s right.
He met his gaze and gave him a small smile.
His heart was thumping uncontrollably against his ribcage and he wasn’t even sure that he could breathe properly. All words seemed too little to describe what he was feeling at the moment, and so he just pushed himself towards Ronan and caught his lips slowly, leaving the other boy plenty of time to back away from the kiss.
But of course he didn’t, and this time the kiss was clumsy, and slow, but too quick at the same time, and it made Adam’s heart roar in happiness.
This was what he was supposed to be doing, nothing felt more right than this.
And Ronan’s soft but strong fingers were capturing his hip bones from inside his t-shirt, sending a thrill through his spine.
Adam put one hand on Ronan’s shoulder while he let the other one wonder about, only to end on the other boy’s buzz cut, slowly caressing it, pushing Ronan’s mouth against his, not wanting to even separate to breathe.
And so he didn’t, he just inhaled through his nose while kissing the other boy, who could only correspond the kiss with as much passion, and so many pent up feelings.
In the end it was Ronan who broke the kiss, panting against Adam’s lips, a thread of saliva still connecting them to his, one forehead against another.
“Holy shit, Parrish”. Said Ronan.
But it had no bite, it sounded almost like a prayer.
Adam had his eyes closed, trying to process his emotions, trying to understand the electric storm that had just happened inside of him that had left him soaked to the bones and without a single care in him except for the need of Ronan’s body heat.
When Adam finally opened his eyes, it was only to find Ronan staring back at him.