Chapter Text
Solomon Muto came barrelling downstairs into the Game Shop. “Grandson! Adopted Grandson!” he called.
Yugi was sweeping cookie crumbs off of the floor. “What is it Grandpa?”
“Ah, Yugi! Yes. As you may know, this is Adopted Grandson’s first Christmas in the Muto household. Baby’s first christmas! Look, Yugi! I even got him a Baby’s First ornament!”
“Grandpa...he doesn’t need that—he’s a man! Also… this is like his second Christm— ”
“HE’S MY BABY GRANDSON!”
Yugi sighed. Of course this would be the hill that Solomon would die on. The “Pharaoh Atem needs to have a baby’s first Christmas” one.
“I want the powers of the Pharaoh, Yugi! Do you think he will give it to me as a Christmas present?”
“No.” Yugi said flatly. His grandfather has asked this question countless times. It was time for him to attempt to change the subject. “Anyway, Grandpa. We’re having the gang over for Christmas Eve.”
Solomon frowned. “You—you mean Tristan, the furry, and the slut? Yugi, do you remember what happened the last time Tristan and his furry boyfriend and the wh-oo-re was over for Christmas Eve dinner?”
“Oh my gods, Grandpa! Stop!” Yugi sighed before adding, “Atem wanted to invite them.”
“My baby Grandson?”
“Could you please stop calling my boyfriend your ‘baby grandson’? For the love of—”
“HE’S MY BABY GRANDSON! I only have two, Yugi! Do you want to be the baby again instead? Are you jealous of my new grandson?”
This conversation was going nowhere. Yugi decided to walk away. Solomon tried to follow him but slipped and fell down the stairs.
“ I’m okay, Grandson!”
Yugi ignored him and kept walking, only to walk directly into Atem. Atem, who was wearing a horrific Christmas sweater with Santa, his reindeer, in an ugly plaid tornado of a pattern. The fabric was so worn that the reindeer and Santa looked grotesque. It was also 3XXL because it was originally Solomon’s.
“I...Did my Grandpa make you wear that?”
“Why, Yugi. He said it was customary! Is this not how you partake in the Christmas festivities?”
Not in that ugly ass sweater, Yugi thought. “Um...It’s okay, if you want to wear it.”
You know, Yugi, we still have a mind link.
Shit.
“It may look... atrocious but that’s because it’s my Grandpa’s! He just wants you to enjoy Christmas being the ‘baby’. If it makes you happy, then I guess I’m happy…”
“What else occurs on this Christmas? I wear your sweating grandfather’s sweater, we eat lots of food, what else do you do?”
“Well, the gang is coming over on Christmas Eve to celebrate with us!”
“...Yugi, please reconsider.”
“It’ll be fine! ” Yugi sighed. “—Wait, you invited them!”
“I changed my mind! If Joey wears his fursona, I am leaving. I will return to my tomb, Yugi. If it is his Christmas themed fursona, I will kill him myself. So help me Ra.”
“He won’t. ” Yugi immediately pulled out his phone to text Joey to warn him to not wear his fursuit. Joey replied with a crying emoji. Yugi is not welcome on the fursona forms.
{Yuge, I had a reindeer dog planned for today! It cost me my life savings! Tristan was going to match with me because we’re going to play furry games!}
[JOEY OMG STOP! RETURN IT! NO!!!!]
{IT WAS CUSTOM MADE!}
{I SWEAR TO ANUBIS YOU BETTER NOT SHOW UP WITH THE REINDEER DOG FURSONA OR YOU WILL REGRET IT}
Yugi silenced his phone. Atem glowered at him.
“I heard that.” Damn mind link.
“It’ll be fun, Atem. We’ll bake cookies, have a good dinner, watch
a movie, play some drinking games…”
The doorbell suddenly rang.
“What?” Yugi walked to the door. “Who could be here already I— oh.”
“ Oh, Atem! You look so gorgeous in that sweater!” Téa immediately knocked Yugi to the ground and ran up to Atem.
“Hi, Tea,” Yugi grumbled. “You’re a half-hour early.”
“Oh, don’t be such a Grinch!” Téa scowled. “How are you enjoying Christmas, Atem?”
“I was until I realized that Joey will probably show up in his reindeer dog fursona!”
“Oh, you’re so silly, Atem! Aren’t you wearing a lion’s tail right now?”
“It’s a symbol of power!” He retorted, sighing. Nobody understood his customs. At least he had his trusty sundial.
“ Yugi! ” Solomon wailed from the basement. “I can’t open the door! My hands are too slippery with sweat!”
“Oh, dammit.” Yugi sighed. “Tea, just sit at the table.”
“Can Atem pull out a chair for me?”
“No.” Yugi stormed off. Maybe this Christmas Eve dinner wasn’t such a great idea, because Téa is still flirting with Atem even after they have told her (three times now) that they are dating.
Yugi quickly opened the door to see his grandpa carrying much more than he could carry. He was heaving erratically like a whale. He huffed and took the top half of the containers that his grandpa was carrying from downstairs.
“Grandpa! What the hell is this?”
It was at least 100 tubes of pre-made cookie dough and powder dough mix.
“Why did you—Is that what we’ve been using the downstairs fridge for? How old is this crap?”
“Muto Special cookie dough, Yugi!” He declared.
“Grandpa...I’m twenty now. What do you mean, Muto Special?”
“A family recipe! It has been brought down through generations. It’s a homemade cookie that YOU have to make, Yugi! For the baby! BABY GRANDSON! ”
“Where the hell was this last year?”
“It’s special! It’s only to be opened by the next Muto baby. That is Pharaoh Atem. I WANT THE POWERS OF THE PHARAOH. Yugi, even you ate the special dough! You did get salmonella, though. Your mother was not very happy. She nearly sued me before she ran off.”
“I...I’m not talking about my mommy issues today, Grandpa. I’ll save it for the next therapy appointment. Now would you please just go and take a nap like your doctor said?”
“You got it, Yugi!” Solomon winked, very awkwardly.
“Grandpa, why are you winking?”
“I’m going to take a nap,” Solomon winked again. “Goodnight, older grandson. Non-baby grandson. Original grandson. Mistake grandson. Grandson without the powers of the Pharaoh.”
“Ugh!” Yugi stormed away, blood pressure having risen significantly. He dumped the hundreds of Pillsbury Cookie Dough tubes onto the countertop only to smell...a familiar stench.
Downy Unstoppables.
“TRISTAN TAYLOR HAS ARRIVED WITH HIS PET REINDEER!” Tristan kicked down the door, not even bothering to knock.
“No, Tristan,” Joey sighed. He wasn’t wearing his reindeer fursona costume. But for whatever reason he was still wearing a dog collar...and Tristan was holding the leash. Yugi nearly vomited. “I’m not the reindeer anymore. Yugi told me no.”
“You’re always a reindeer in my heart, Joseph.” Tristan assured him, embracing the furry.
“NYEH, you’re still all wet!” Joey complained.
It was true. Tristan was reeking of Downy Unstoppables and Pantene Body Wash. The sweater he was wearing was indeed still damp—and even frozen in some areas. Y
“Oh, my...I can’t…” Yugi sighed. “Tristan, do you know how the hell to use a dryer?”
“My mommy took the dryer after the divorce. She said she loves the dryer sheets more than meeeeeeeeeeee.” Tristan began to sob. “My daddy doesn’t use Downy Unstoppables like her.”
Téa crossed her arms. “Look at what you did, Yugi! Now you made Tristan cry! Stop being such an asshole!”
“TÉA, YOU’RE LITERALLY SITTING ON MY BOYFRIEND’S LAP, GET THE FUCK OFF!”
Atem shifted uncomfortably. Joey approached Yugi, and was yanked back by Tristan who was still sobbing. “HEEL, boy!” Tristan screeched through his tears. Joey whined.
“The door was unlocked.” Atem finally supplied, looking at the gaping hole in the house.
Yugi sighed. This was going to be a long night. He needed his Grandpappi to take care of this.
“THAT’S IT!” Yugi screamed. “I just want a nice Christmas Eve dinner, and this is what I get? This is why I don’t invite you guys to Burger World anymore! I’m bringing Grandpa downstairs to cook, you better be nice to him, or he’ll give you salmonella.”
“I thought it was naptime?” Atem frowned.
“IT’S NO LONGER NAPTIME, I DON’T CARE!”
“Do you need a nap?”
“Don’t start with me. Please.” Yugi, frustrated, stormed away. Tea was still on Atem’s lap, with her arms wrapped around his neck. She suddenly brought out a mistletoe. “Oh, Atem….Look! We’re together under it. Do you know what that means?”
“Téa, there is a chair over there! I am a Pharaoh, not a common household object. You could even sit on Joey, as he is an object. An animal, even.”
“No, Atem! It means we’re supposed to kiss!”
“My fursona is a reindeer dog! WOOF jingle jangle.”
Téa sighed. Her master plan didn’t work!
“HEEL” Tristan screeched, still sobbing but wanting to participate in the furry games. His fake eyelashes also fell off. He was wearing them for the occasion and it just made him cry more.
“Kiss me, Atem! It’s a tradition.”
“No thank you. I would rather kiss a crab. And you know how much I hate crabs.”
Tea huffed, got off of Atem and immediately sat on Joey. Joey screamed as he collapsed to the ground, because Tea was piercing her heels in his back.
“I’m Tristan’s reindeer dog! Not yours.” Joey scolded. Tristan sobbed harder. Atem stared at the Christmas festivities. Was he supposed to be a reindeer too? Or was this a furry game? He could never tell with these modern traditions. He looked off to the side, waiting for his partner to return.
A scream was heard from upstairs. “ NO! GRANDPA! ”
Atem sprinted up the stairs as soon as possible. “What’s going on?! What’s wrong?!”
And then he saw a horrific sight. Solomon was dressed head to toe in a Santa costume that was still too tight.
“Yugi...are we sacrificing him to the gods? Is it finally time? Why is wearing that strange outfit?”
“FOR MY BABY GRANDSON” Solomon bellowed, barreling into Atem.
“GRANDPA! LEAVE HIM ALONE!”
“SIT ON MY LAAAP, ATTEM. TELL SANTA WHAT YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS”
“Is lap-sitting a part of the Christmas festivities, Yugi? I feel incredibly uncomfortable…”
“NOW!”
Solomon flopped onto the floor and rolled into a roly poly ball. It was his final form.
“You don’t have to sit on his lap, Atem. C’mon, let’s go bake cookies.” Yugi took his hand and led him away from the freakshow that was Santa Solomon.
“...Atem, this is exactly why I told you not to have a party this year. Why couldn’t you tell me yesterday you didn’t want this? Everyone’s going through some quarter-life crisis, or in Grandpa’s case, end-of-life crisis, Tristan’s parents divorced again…”
“But I wanted to make you happy,” Atem frowned. “I wanted to see how you take part in the Christmas festivities.”
“Well, now you know. My Grandpa is literally insane and my friends are actual idiots.” he sighed.
There was a long silence until Atem pinched Yugi’s cheek again. “PINCH PIN—”
“ATEM STOP!!!”
“You’re being very crabby today, Yugi.”
“You were the one who—nevermind. Atem, it’s just hard. This is the anniversary of when my mom ran off and my dad went on his “business trip” at the same time. They left me here. With this delusional man they should have put in a nursing home a long time ago. Who literally abuses the child labor laws. Who gave me salmonella. Who hooked up with Tristan’s dad—and his mom at the same time—and is responsible for their divorce. Did I mention he gave me salmonella?”
“I’m...sorry, Yugi,” Atem squeezed his hand. “What do you want to do for the rest of the night? I am worried that the house is no longer isolated, since they tore your door down. Joey will probably...mark his territory soon.”
“...Can we just leave? I thought I could give you a good Christmas but I just revisited painful memories instead.”
They were silent for the next few moments. Their friends were screaming for help downstairs and the fire alarm and carbon monoxide alarm was going off but neither of them paid attention.
Atem nodded. “Where should we go?”
“Anywhere but here, please.”
They walked back downstairs. Santa Solomon was screaming. The oven was on fire. The cutting board was completely melted, and the plastic wrap around the cookie dough ablaze. Joey was munching on dog food and Tristan was crying hysterically.
“My mommy used to cook for me too,” Tristan wailed. “Now I live with Joey instead and he just drinks water from a bowl!”
“Woof woof woof woof woof woof...neigh!”
“JOEY—”
Yugi and Atem paused, stared at them for a moment, and then walked outside.
“...Atem...I think it’s time I move out of the Game Shop. It’s probably going to burn down again tonight, and you won’t even be responsible for it.”
“Where would you go?”
~*Kaiba Corp*~
“HOW THE HELL DID YOU PEOPLE GET IN MY OFFICE!”
“Lovely to see you this Christmas, Kaiiiiba.”
“Oh my God. I don’t have time for this.” Kaiba immediately dialed 9-1-1, but Yugi threw his phone out the window.
“Wait! Please. We need some place to stay.”
“Let me guess. Solomon blew up the Game Shop?”
“Yes.”
“...”
“...”
“It wasn’t my fault.” Atem supplied.
“...”
“...”
“Joey’s playing furry games.” Atem added.
“Can’t you... dweebs,” he choked out, eyeing Atem’s sweaty sweater, “Go get a hotel room or something?”
“WE NEED A HOME” Atem suddenly cried. “I CAN’T LIVE WITH THAT DELUSIONAL MAN ANYMORE. PLEASE KAIBA, HE WANTED ME TO SIT ON HIS LAP. I AM PHARAOH ATEM, I SIT ON THRONES, NOT A SWEATING FAT MAN NAMED SANTA!”
“Obviously,” Kaiba drawled, “I can see this concerns you. My answer is still no.”
“...I’ll duel you.”
“WELCOME TO KAIBA CORP!”
Yugi sighed in the background. It was going to be a long night.
~
After literally ten hours of dueling, Atem finally won by cheating again. Yugi had already drank through three containers of spiked eggnog. He was absolutely trashed, but still congratulated his partner.
“Oh my gods, can we go to bed now?” Yugi mumbled.
“No!” Kaiba said. “Go back to your pathetic game shop. Or why don’t you go and duel Pegasus instead? I am sure he would be thrilled to duel both of you with his hands at the same—”
“Why are you making this sexual? Ugh!” Yugi barfed some eggnog. “You lost the duel, now just give us some money for a hotel room. Please. I can’t see my Grandpa right now. I don’t want to see the state of the Game Shop. It’s probably dust and covered in pee from Joey.”
Kaiba scowls in disgust and throws some cash at Yugi’s chest. “Get out of my sight. Atem, however, you can stay.”
“No! I’m going to be with my boyfriend!”
“Ugh.” Kaiba rolled his eyes.
~To be continued…~