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Yugi and Atem had just returned to Domino a few weeks ago. At the behest of his estranged mother, who had no right to ask anything of Yugi, he and Atem ended up living in the game shop once again. It turned out that Egypt was not quite the same as Atem had remembered. And even more pressing was the fact that they had to hide their relationship there. Sure, it was surprisingly nice to live by the Ishtaars and even ex-evil Bakura, but it wasn’t going to work as a lifetime home. They weren’t a couple who could hide like Thief Bakura and Marik.
So that’s half of why Yugi had agreed to come home. The other half was that his grandfather was not supposed to be living there, and was supposedly entrusting the game shop to him and to Atem. Solomon was to go to a nursing home—unfortunately, he was promptly evicted. Fate truly liked to kick Yugi and his boyfriend in the balls.
The sight before him today as he and Atem walked back from a pleasant date night made Yugi want to start searching for a new nursing home or retirement community—hopefully at least a few time zones away—for his grandfather to go to.
Inside of the Game Shop, streamers and balloons hung from the cracked ceiling, and a large photo of a baby Yugi was posted on the wall. There was a banner hanging over his photo, titled “Congratulations Yugi!”
“ What in the… ?” Yugi looked in awe at the decorations. “What does this senile old man think?”
Atem sighed. “This is going to be a long night, isn’t it?”
Solomon barrel rolled into the Game Shop. “ Grandsons! I didn’t think you’d be home early! Oh, close your eyes! This is supposed to be a surprise! ”
“Grandpa, it’s not my birthday, and we’re not celebrating Atem’s ‘adoption day’ again—“
“ CLOSE YOUR EYES!”
“NO! Not after last time!” Yugi yelled, crossing his arms. He shuddered. Never again.
“But, Yugi! I invited your friends to surprise you!”
“No— NO! Did you leave Tristan and Joey unsupervised in my room again—oh my Gods. I’m going to have to bleach my sheets again.”
Solomon ignored Yugi entirely and wrapped a blindfold around his eyes. Yugi sighed. Atem held his hand in an attempt to comfort him.
Just play along with your silly, delusional Grandfather, Atem spoke through their mind link, I can slip him some sleeping pills again…
Just don’t let him do anything weird...er—unsanitary.
Of course.
Solomon chuckled, clapping his hands like a trained seal. “Oh, goodie! This is going to be a special day!” He, in fact, proceeded to bark like a seal. Atem’s poor hand was now being squeezed with a vice grip.
Solomon guided the blindfolded Yugi towards the cash register, where giggling could be heard from behind the desk. Atem sighed in unison with Yugi. It was undoubtedly Tristan, for the smell of Downy Unstoppables was becoming even more prominent the closer they stepped towards the register.
Solomon let go of Yugi’s shoulders. “One second!” he waddled towards the counter. He ducked beneath the counter, only to bring out a large sheet cake. The cake was decorated with rainbow frosting and sprinkles, with complimentary finger dips and licks, and Atem felt like puking. He wondered if this counted as unsanitary enough to remove Yugi from the situation. But the cherry on top was pink frosting spelling out “HOMO” on the cake.
Dear Ra…
“Open your eyes!” Solomon tore off the blindfold.
Yugi, be prepared…
Yugi cautiously opened his eyes, only to see his cake—and to hear his supposed ‘friends’ scream and jump out from hiding—and Yugi realized maybe Egypt wasn’t so bad after all. Yes it was... He sighed. Why couldn't he just exist in peace?
“SURPRISE! ” Solomon roared. Tristan and Joey, in his rainbow dog suit, cheered.
“Grandpa—I—why does this cake say ‘ homo’ —“
“It’s your coming out cake, Yugi! Congratulations, my homosexual grandson! Today is a very special rainbow day!”
Tristan and Joey shot off rainbow streamers directly in Yugi’s face, and proceeded to throw glitter on him.
“Grandpa…” He didn’t know where to begin. Was it the fact that he has literally been engaged to Atem for about a year? The fact that he has been openly bisexual for years? The half-eaten HOMO cake? The fact that perhaps this should be Solomon’s coming out party, considering he’s been “secretly” seeing Arthur and having loud furry sex on the daily? And openly discusses with Yugi about his Omegaverse mating season? Or perhaps the glitter that was now in his eyes?
What am I even supposed to say? He asked Atem.
This...was never an issue in my day. When I was Pharaoh, it did not matter who did what activities! It did not matter what genitals collided! We did not need cakes, aside from honey cakes!
Yugi decided that after years of trying to fight his grandpa on these issues. After years of trying to make sure his friends behaved. After trying to de escalate situation after situation. That maybe he should...try to go along with it. After all, at least nobody was mocking him? At least intentionally.
“...Thank you...for the surprise. I just didn’t think it would be surprising that I’m bisexual, considering Atem and I are literally engaged. ”
“ Engaged? ” Solomon cried. “But...but...Atem is my grandson!”
“Solomon,” Atem awkwardly interrupted, “I think on account of your onset dementia, you are very, very confused.”
“Can we eat the gay cake?” Tristan asked, rudely coming between the Mutos and the soon-to-be-Muto—or whatever last name they were going to replace the accursed family name with. “I am hungry after...after doing nothing inappropriate in Yugi’s room with Joey and Téa.”
That line knocked the wind out of Yugi. Téa smirked at him. “Threesomes with me are fun, Yugi! You two missed out big time on how friendly my friendship can really be!”
“I wanted to add candles to the cake, but the fire department said no more lighters for me.” Solomon sighed. “Grandson! Cut the cake and make a rainbow wish!”
“Do you even listen to me, Grandpa?” Yugi sighed. “I’m engaged to a man, and I have been for months. I am bisexual. Is this just an excuse for you to eat cake?”
“ CUT THE CAKE MISTAKE GRANDSON! ” Solomon roared. He slammed his fist into the cake, smearing the ‘HOMO’.
“THIS IS A SPOON!” Yugi shrieked. “How the fuck am I supposed to cut the cake with this?”
“The fire department took all of my knives, Yugi! Deal with it!”
“Not again,” Yugi sighed, gently cutting the cake—to the best of his ability—and avoiding any part that was licked or half-eaten.
Tristan cried when he smeared his frosting on his wrinkly, damp suit. “ Yugi! Look at what you did!”
“ Me?! Tristan, why the fuck are we even friends—“
“ MAKE A RAINBOW WISH!” Solomon moaned. Atem grimaced. Limey Bakura was standing behind a lamp. Apparently, he hadn’t got the memo to come out of hiding yet. Which was ironic, given the context of the party.
“Bakura!” Atem yelled. “Come witness this.” He figured that objectively Bakura wasn’t nearly as bad as the core trio of Yugi’s friends. Even though Yugi absolutely despised him anyhow.
Solomon excitedly placed rainbow-wrapped presents on the counter, suspiciously resembling dilos. Yugi wanted to cry.
The door to the Game Shop suddenly did a jingle-jangle—Solomon installed a bell after being robbed at gunpoint multiple times—and Mai Valentine appeared.
“Yugi, I heard you came out as gay—“
“ I did NOT—“
“He’s in denial, my poor little Grandson—“
“ Really? I’m the one in denial, Grandpa?” Yugi hissed. “Hi, Mai...I haven’t seen you in awhile. Atem and I are engaged, and I’ve been openly bisexual for years.”
Mai eyed Joey’s rainbow furry costume, as well as the choker on his neck which stated “Tristan’s Pet.”
Mai sighed audibly. “I...brought you a present, Yugi. Joey…” she stared.
Joey woofed.
“I need to sit down. Also, Yugi, please tell your delusional Grandfather to stop staring at my breasts.”
“Ah, but they must be one hundred and five centimeters around!” He cried, drooling.
“ Grandpa! That’s disgusting. Go to your room!”
Atem pulled out a chair for Mai as Yugi screamed at his waddling grandpa. Limey Bakura sensed that it was his turn to hit on the pretty lady, given that Téa was busy being in a three way furry roleplay.
“I have to go mark my territory,” Joey announced, and walked out of the Game Shop on all fours once Tristan unfastened the leash.
“Gods…” Yugi scowled. “Mai, I’m sorry you have to witness this.”
“Blink twice if you need help.” She drawled, pulling out a flask from the depths of her bra. “Do you two want to share?”
“I’m on British time!” Ryou chirped. “I sure can put away a lot of alcohol.”
“Did someone hear something?” Atem mumbled, taking a swig from Mai’s flask. He, Yugi, and Mai passed it around until it was empty. Téa then stormed over to the area.
“Mai! Don’t hit on Atem! He’s taken, and does not want a threesome! Believe me, I’ve tried.”
“Téa, you hit on me at least once every day!”
“Because I’m your friend, Atem! And friends do that!”
“I’m not sure that friends—“
Téa smashed her purse against Atem’s chest. “Hold my purse! I’m going to grasp Joey’s tail outside, don’t try and stop me!”
“Téa,” Atem grumbled, “I don’t know what kind of sexual innuendo that is, but believe me, I will not. I’m engaged. ”
“Congrats, by the way.” Mai said.
“You’re so silly, Atem!” Téa giggled. “Mai, you can play the furry game too.”
“I’d rather not.”
“That’s a shame...I wouldn’t mind a foursome…” Téa winked before leaving.
“I’ll keep you company.” Bakura grinned, boldly poking his finger into Mai’s arm.
The door jingle-jangled again. It was none other than Kaiba.
Oh my gods, he even invited Kaiba?
“I heard it was Yugi’s homosexual celebration, ” Kaiba drawled.
“Gods! Does nobody know I’ve been engaged to Atem?!”
Kaiba looked down at Yugi’s and Atem’s rings. He looked a bit... disappointed for a split second .
“Ah…” Kaiba said. “I was not aware. I did know you two were dating exclusively. No matter, I only stopped by because Mokuba asked me to. I told him this would be no place for a teenager to be...or rather anyone. Here is a gift from him. Congratulations, dorks.”
Yugi stared at him, surprised. “How... thoughtful of you, thank you Kaiba.”
“Yes, I know your divorce from Atem will come sooner or later, so my gift includes several divorce lawyer references I believe you would like. Tristan’s parents can attest to them.”
“...Tell Mokuba I say hi.” Yugi grumbled, as Kaiba left, flouncing his cape dramatically. He instantly tore the papers to shreds. Tristan started to sob as soon as Kaiba mentioned his parents.
It’s okay, Yugi. How much longer do you think you can handle this?
My patience is on borrowed time. The few shots of alcohol he’d had was not nearly enough to get him through this night.
In the background, Limey Bakura continued to make unwanted advances to Mai. She flat out told him so, but he would not take the...not-even-hint. Not until Mai stuffed his head inside the lamp shade.
“Oh my…” Ryou tutted. “It’s really a party now, chaps!”
“What’d he say?”
“Something stupid,” Yugi grumbled.
If we can remove Tristan and Bakura...We can simply lock the door.
I don’t wanna trap Mai in here too.
We can ask if she’d like to leave too.
Yugi nodded. He would not be driven out of his own home.
“Tristan!” Yugi yelled over his sobbing. “Joey was looking for you...He said he wants you to take him and Téa to your place to play...Downy Unstoppables furry games, and for you to pick up Bakura like a...basketball.” To Mai, he whispered, “The party’s over…I’d offer to let you stay, but my grandpa is creepy like an elderly spider.”
“I was going to stay at a hotel anyway.” She sighed, as Tristan followed Yugi’s directions. She could not believe what was unfolding before her eyes.
“No! No! Bloody hell, why are Joey’s pants down? ” Bakura cried as Tristan ran out the door with him.
Atem scrambled to the door and locked it immediately, tuning out the screaming (and moaning) from directly outside. Five more minutes, and Yugi would definitely call the local authorities.
“Is time out over yet?” Solomon called from his room.
“ NO! ” Yugi screamed.
“Please, Mistake Grandson!” Solomon cried. “I want to take my Adopted Homosexual Grandson on a shopping spree to T.J. Maxx. He is homosexual, so he must have a nice fashion sense.”
Yugi breathed shakily. Oceans. Think of oceans. “Grandpa...he’s my fiancé, his name is Atem, we are in love, he’s not your stereotypical gay best friend—“
“ YUUUGIII!” Solomon wailed, barreling through the door and flopping onto the floor. “Don’t you understand? I can’t leave my two grandsons unsupervised! Arthur said NO homoerotic activities are allowed! You’re going to have feelings and touch each other and—“
“ GRANDPA! ” Yugi was now seething with rage. He didn’t care what his absent mother thought (who apparently didn’t even care to show up for his ‘homosexual celebration’). He wouldn’t be responsible for this... this beast of a human being. Maybe he wouldn’t move back to Egypt. But he had to go somewhere, somewhere far, far away.
I do have a good taste in fashion.
I know, but that’s not the point! Do you really want to hang out with my grandpa?
“You and Arthur literally engage in homoerotic activities nightly!”
“What?” Solomon scoffed. “Adopted Grandson, you are far mistaken.”
“Solomon, I have seen you conjoined. CONJOINED, SOLOMON!” Atem shrieked. He was this close to sending Solomon to the Shadow Realm. “In my day, there were no furry games or Omegaverse or—“
“ I AM THE OMEGA IN THE RELATIONSHIP!” Solomon cried.
“I DIDN’T NEED TO HEAR THAT!” Yugi cried.
“Arthur said no homo before we started, so it is not gay! I was in heat! I’m trying to get pregnant!”
“He was lying!” Yugi shrieked. “And you don’t have a uterus! You can’t get pregnant!”
Solomon gasped. “Arthur!” He waddled up the stairs to have a discussion with his platonic sexual companion.
Finally, Yugi and Atem were alone.
“What...was your rainbow wish, Yugi?” Atem finally asked, breaking the silence.
“I didn’t bother making one.”
“Do you want to go to bed? Today has been...tiring…”
“Yeah...I’ll get the bleach.”