Chapter Text
“Bernie, I’m sorry there’s clearly been a mix up with the rota,” Serena approaches her with a concerned look on her face, her brow furrowed. “You’re down as working Christmas and all of New Year on call. I’ll have a word with the coordinator so you have some time off.”
She knew it wouldn’t be long before Serena noticed this, but thirty minutes after the Christmas rotas had been posted must be some sort of record.
“It’s no mix up, Serena. I emailed them to say when I would work.”
“Why on Earth would you offer to work all over the holidays? You’re clinical lead, let one of the locum consultants fill in, or the registrars!” She had expected these questions and she has an answer ready prepared.
“Well, I know just how much you like ‘Larry locum’ running your ward, and it’s my first year as consultant so it’s only right that people who’ve been here longer get Christmas privileges.”
Serena purses her lips and she can tell she isn’t convinced by her excuse.
“You know, I’m sure the kids will want to see you, even if they’re a bit distant now. You won’t be alone.”
“No it’s –” she’s interrupted by Fletch practically bouncing up to the nurses station.
“Who’s going to be alone at Christmas? Bernie?”
“I’m working, it’s fine I want to.”
“Oh we can’t have that can we Serena. Tell you what, why don’t you join me and Raf and the kids, it’s always a bit hectic but they’d love to see you, especially Mikey he never shuts up about you being from the army and all.”
She feels the colour drain from her face at the thought of a Christmas day in the Fletcher household. She knows it’s rude but she just wants to get away from this conversation.
“No, thank you Fletch,” she says rather more firm than she intended. She stands, gathering a few files to relocate to patient beds. “It’s nice to offer but you don’t need another mouth to feed. Serena, I’ve said I’m happy to work those days and you won’t find anybody willing to cover it. Look I’d better get on.”
“Right, yes of course.” Serena looks crestfallen and a stab of guilt goes through her heart but she ignores it. Like she’s been ignoring a lot of feelings recently when she was around Serena.
She hopes the matter is dealt with but she has no such luck when at the end of the day Serena gently closes their office door and places a takeaway coffee in front of her.
“Sorry about earlier. I hope I didn’t upset you.”
The tension that she’d been carrying since that conversation melts away as she meets Serena’s eyes, full of concern.
“No, you didn’t. I shouldn’t have been so brusque. Thank you,” she glances down at the coffee.
“I don’t like the thought of you working all that time over Christmas, Bernie. It’s long shifts, plus the on call over the New Year. Why don’t we compromise? Do one each?”
“Don’t you have plans with Ellie and Jason?”
Serena scoffs.
“Ellie will be spending the holidays with her latest boyfriend Fergus who I’m fairly sure could trace his heritage up to the royal family and whose parents are paying for an all-inclusive luxury ski trip for them both.”
“Please don’t let me change your plans. Honestly Serena I’m happier with working Christmas,” she pauses, half of her wanting to tell Serena exactly how she feels, the other half frantically building a wall around herself, not wanting to embarrass herself in front of Serena. The former wins out because after the debacle of Cameron and the police she had vowed to be open with Serena. “I prefer working Christmas and I know that sounds daft but I like the routine of it. I know where I stand being in the hospital. The big family get-togethers and parties over New Year are so overwhelming. It’s been the same since I was a child. I’d be shoved into a scratchy jumper knitted by my Nan and the neck would be too tight and there was always so much food and everywhere smelt different and the crackers would be loud but then not always bang and you could never tell…”
She trails off, afraid that Serena will laugh or dismiss her, as had happened every year growing up but she was looking at her almost sympathetically. This only encourages her to continue, because somehow around Serena she wants to tell her things.
“Anyway, it’s better now and I appreciate Christmas and it was lovely when the kids were younger because they enjoyed it so much but then there’s the manic Christmas food shopping and the pressure of getting gifts for everyone, so I’m looking forward to not having all of that to worry about.”
“Okay, okay. You work Christmas. But please will you let me take New Year’s Eve? You’ll burn out and then what use will you be to me? Look, Sian owns a cottage just outside Holby that she rents out to people and I happen to know there’s noone staying in it after the twenty-seventh. Why don’t you have a few nights there, it’s been a busy year for you what with the IED and starting here and the divorce,” she inches closer and rests a hand on her knee. “You need to put yourself first sometimes.”
There’s a moment, a flash through Serena’s eyes which reminds Bernie of being sat on the floor after Fletch’s surgery. She had almost leaned in then, desperate to taste Serena’s lips but too scared to take that opportunity. This time she feels she could be braver but she doesn’t know if Serena’s concern is from friendship or something more. The decision is taken from her hands as someone knocks sharply on the door.
Serena steps back and looks at Bernie questioningly as she opens the door.
“Yes okay, you cover New Year.”
She grins before turning to Raf who is standing with a patient file.
***
Christmas Day comes around soon enough and the ward is settled. She can only imagine how busy the juniors must have been getting through all the discharges in the run up to that day, but it’s the same every year. Noone wants to be in hospital on Christmas Day so hospital staff break their backs to get people home. There’s a general good mood among the staff, with Christmas songs playing in the background. It’s always difficult to get the balance right, to boost the morale of staff and patients whilst also being respectful of families whose relatives aren’t doing well.
Bernie sits at her desk with her coffee before the ward round begins and checks her phone for the first time that day. It’s too early for the kids to be up, but there is one notification which makes her smile.
Merry Christmas! Check the top drawer of my desk, Santa said he might leave something there for you ;) x
She moves round to the other side of the office and discovers a gift that is so clearly from Serena, with gorgeous wrapping paper and coordinated ribbon and gift tag. She thinks of her own gift to Serena, a slight upgrade from the brown paper she had used on the survival kit but not as beautiful as this.
She carefully unwraps the gift, not wanting to rip the paper and expose a rough edge. Inside is a forest green soft woven scarf with a note attached.
To ward off the cold British winter, I hope it’s nicer than those knitted jumpers. Serena x
She fires off a quick thank you text then gets cracking with the day, a slight spring in her step and a warm glow in her heart.