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Thunderous, crashing sounds fought with the beat of her heart in her ears.
Her hands; cold and clammy, clutching her bag and a worn out book she has had since she was a child. Some would not run away from home with so little but not Temari. She has been planning this day since her mother died, and now after many years of saving, of suffering, she is finally out.
A couple of shirts, some jeans and the running shoes on her feet was all she had. The money she saved was enough for a ticket and meal, it was an ample price to pay for the life she envisioned. A life where she can be who she wants to be; free, happy and alive.
The nameless people with their own stories walking by, boarding the train and occupying the many seats, all of them oblivious about her. About this girl, who ran away from the only home she’d known. About Temari, the girl with the teal's eyes that has seen and known cruelty all her life.
But that was the plan all along. To move away and never be recognized, to start a new life and she wouldn’t mess it up by mundane things such as friendship or even love.
Nope.
She is there for herself only.
The bustle of the station woke her up from her daydreaming combined with the heat on her face. She was there since midnight, sleeping and writing on the benches as train after train left the station. Finally, after counting the previous one, hers arrived. She picked up her bag, straightened her back and let out a huge breath.
Iwakagure offered her a job, and a home that she immediately said yes without knowing her job description. An escape was all she needed, a way from the hell that her father created for her. Her siblings were safe now; one living with her Uncle and the other with their grandmother, Temari can finally leave everything behind without guilt.
Temari shoved her way into a seat by the window, hoping that the others understood she wanted to sit alone. It was her first time, and she wanted to remember that train ride forever. With her favorite book, she relaxed into the chair as the rest of the passengers settled in.
This is it.
She’s leaving.
She’s not coming back.
She’s only going and going away, far away from the cruelty of her past life.
“Here we go, Temari. Here we go”
A couple of hours went by and a bunch of chapters turned, she finally rested her eyes and stared out the window. It was endless greens and a house here and there that made her long for a place to call her own.
It will take her a day to reach Konohakagure to change trains. And then another day's worth of riding to Iwagakure. Maybe there she’ll find her home, and maybe she can finally live the life she wanted.
A couple beside her started to yell in a language she doesn’t recognize. The woman has her hand on the man’s arm, squeezing, her knuckles turning white with force. Her mouth moving slowly, her voice raspy, and her eyes reminded her of someone she knows of years ago.
Those pleading eyes that her mother used to have.
Suddenly her vision shifted from the now to a dark bedroom, she can’t see anything, she can’t even hear the couple anymore. Temari was back to where it all began, her eyes red and wet, her fingers icy almost lifeless as panic consumed her system.
She’s not there. She’s not back home.
Her feet have a mind of its own as she blindly finds a safe spot. She finally collapsed inside an empty compartment, a hand on her chest as everything around her muted, her shirt was wet, her legs shaking and her breathing uneven. She may be miles away, but the painful memory she has was still haunting her. It replaced her surroundings with the images of their home as her 4-year-old self stood in the corner, watching her father beat her mother constantly.
Again and again, Karura, her mother, screaming and begging for forgiveness as Rasa, her father, stood above her.
Hit after hit, her mother’s cries echoing in her head.
Screaming.
Crying.
Hit.
Please .. Stop.. Our baby … Temari, please, Rasa ..
Temari’s knuckle clutching her chest like a lifeline, her eyes dilating and wet, she’s back at home. She’s back with Rasa — her mother …
“Hello?” A low voice brought her back to the present. Instead of Rasa’s face hovering above her, it was an unfamiliar one with concern drawn in his features.
“Are you okay?” His hand grasping her shoulder, squeezing her gently.
“Yeah .. I -- what happened?” Temari stared at him perplexed, the stranger sat next to her, invading her personal space as he examined her face.
“You were crying,” He answered. “No one noticed, don't worry, but I’ve seen that look. I’ve known it. I came here to make sure you are okay” A small smile adorned his face, but the concern is still obvious.
“Please leave. Please” It wasn’t in her nature to be dismissive. But he saw her - he saw her cry, saw her get lost, and she’s afraid if he stayed a little longer, she would crack.
His colored cheek kicked Temari’s mind back to normal. He shuffled outside her compartment, his onyx eyes looking back, but she was too focused on herself to notice. Pulling her journal again, her shaking hand started to write. It was her routine, it helped her, it brought her back to the present.
Brows furrowed but not in concentration, the stranger earlier was just trying to help and she dismissed him like that. She didn’t even thank him or got his name. As the guilt inside her keeps on growing and growing, her feet take her to his seat.
“Excuse me?” He’s so engrossed in his book she thought he wouldn’t notice her. Her hands were still shaking from the incident before.
“Yes?” His eyes remained on his book, which made her want to pull it away from him.
Ass
“I wanted to apologize for how I acted earlier.” Cautiously crossing her arms, in hopes he doesn’t notice she is nervous.
“It’s not a big deal,” He lamented. He finally closes his books and motioned for his hand in a waving manner.
“I just thought I’d help, but clearly you got everything under control” the stranger jabbed.
Temari stood sheepishly, her hands playing with the end of her shirt. She wanted to say more, to give him an explanation, but what is there to tell? They weren’t friends. He’s a stranger, a kind stranger.
“I’m Temari” She decided that she might as well give him a name so he can retell the story of what happened to a stranger in the train accurately.
“Shikamaru” There it is again, that small smile. Temari gave him one last look before walking away, his smile a little bigger and his voice a little louder inside her head.
It’s foreign, but it’s not unwelcomed. Instead of grabbing her book, she went for her journal and wrote about a stranger named Shikamaru. She didn’t even notice she almost wrote a full page about him.
And it was only about his smile.
“Kami” She doesn’t have the heart to tear off the page. She opted to fold it in the middle, trying to hide her words from her eyes. Her vision moved to observe the view outside of her window, writing consumed the daylight as the sun finally set for the day.
The sound of cutleries, scraping plates and hushed conversations didn’t mask the familiar voice earlier. She bent her head and tried to make sense of what was happening.
“Do you mind? I don’t enjoy eating alone” Shikamaru didn’t wait for her response and sat in front of her. She schooled her feature to a neutral one, but her mind had already bombarded her with unwanted thoughts. One of them is how he looks different up close.
“Okay” Ignoring her unwanted companion, she focused on her food. The faster she’s done, the earlier she gets to leave.
“Wow, you really don’t like company”
“I .. No, it’s .. I’m a fast eater” What’s his deal? Temari doesn’t like small talk, especially in front of food. But it must’ve been because Rasa actually never talks to her.
“Conversations are memorable with great food” There it is again, that smile that owned a page in her journal.
“We’re eating shitty food, Shikamaru” She countered. Grabbing the dry chicken from her plate and dangling it in front of him to prove her point.
“True, but you have great company now” It was her time to smile. It’s the first smile in a long time. “Fine. So, Mr. Grand company, what do we talk about over shitty food?”
“You” “I want to know more about you” Temari narrowed her eyes as she examined her companion. He seemed disgusted by the food but opted to continue eating.
“And what if I say no?” What does she even tell him? He’s a stranger.
“Then I’ll leave you alone. Of course, after I’m done with dinner” Temari continued to watch him eat. Grabbing her cutleries, she joined him; the chicken tastes different now.
“So” Kami, what was she doing? “What do you want to know?” You can clearly see the curiosity in his eyes, which made her nervous. What did she get into?
“Where are you heading?” He sat back in his chair, relaxing into the cushion. Warning her that there’s over one question.
“It’s for work” Temari sat back in her own seat and gave him a cheeky grin. Might as well enjoy his company, too.
“You?”
“Home”
Oh, so that’s how it is after all, she thought.
“Iwagakure?” She leaned forward.
“Nope. Konoha” The rich village. A village she can only dream of visiting. Her mother talked about it and told her they would visit one day. Suddenly, she’s a kid again, dreaming of a place she only heard of.
“What’s it like there?” Fixing her gaze on him was easy now that he got her attention. If Shikamaru noticed, he seemed to be unfazed about it.
“It’s home. I don’t know how to say it, but it’s the same village as everywhere else. Except we have so many trees” Suddenly, Temari is there in Konoha, examining every tree possible.
“Wow” She sighed. “I’ve always wanted to visit Konoha” Realizing she had said too much, Temari grabs her glass and takes a sip.
“You should. I’ll show you around.You’ll love it there” She doubts it. She doesn’t have enough money to survive there, but instead of disagreeing, she smiled at the thought.
“So work? What do you do?” Oh, Temari looked down at her table as if the answer would magically appear.
“Research” She finally called it that.
“I used to do research for my village. Suna. Iwakagure offered me a job there that does the same thing” Temari peered at him, unsure what else to add. She asks him the same thing instead.
“And you?”
“Foreign relations” Nothing from his clothing or his looks showed that he holds such a position. She saved her question to herself.
The conversation that started awkwardly became easier by the second. Temari didn’t expect that they’d hit it off. He’s not much of a talker, and she wasn’t either, but they came up with more topics to keep the conversation talking.
It was the first time in many years she laughed and was intrigued over a person. She kept her end of the bargain and talked about herself too. She avoided her family at all costs and instead opted to listen to him. His mother is a medicine expert, his Dad works for the state as well and she sat there taking it all in, listening to him speak with love and adoration - an emotion foreign to her.
“Wait, it's almost midnight?”
“It is” She answered softly. “I guess we have to go back to our compartments. Your stop is almost near” Standing and stretching her back, she waited for him to move away first, aware that he’s slowed his pace so she can catch up.
“This is me” Temari stood in front of her compartment. “So.. goodnight?”
“About that” Shikamaru sheepishly touches his nape, his cheek flush, Temari had to stop herself from touching it to see if it’s warm.
“I kinda want to talk more. I guess, uhm, do you mind if we continued our conversation?” Throwing all her precautions, she opened the door before he even looked at her again.
The compartment feels smaller and warmer now that she wasn’t alone. She wasn’t planning on any friendship; she promised herself, but there she is, dreading when his stop will finally come to view. He excused himself and came back with his belongings. She doesn’t have the heart to tell him to go and frankly; she didn’t want him to.
“Are you asleep?” She whispered to no one in particular.
“Yes” They both burst out laughing, the moon illuminating his face making her stare longer.
“Troublesome” He breathes out in between laughter.
“Hey, that’s rude” She snaps playfully, reaching out to him to give his arm a punch.
“It’s not meant to be offensive. Its -” “To be what exactly?” She snapped.
“Nothing, troublesome” And they burst out laughing again, unknown to her, she already broke one of her rules or two. She’s way too deep to notice.
“So” “So” Temari can’t hold back the snort at how much they were eager to keep the night going. Shikamaru then closed his eyes, humming a tune to himself, and she lay down on her back and looked out the window.
“I’m running away,” Temari admitted. “I’m running away and never looking back”
Instead of an answer or any form of acknowledgement, she senses his hand reaching out for hers.. Maybe it’s because of how tired she is or the promise of comfort; she went and met him in the middle.
“I know. Like I said, I’ve seen that looked before. I’ve seen it in the mirror everyday last year”
“Where did you go to escape then?”
“Nowhere” He whispered. “I didn’t know where to go. I lost a dear friend, he's like an older brother, Asuma. He told me to go see the world, that’s why I opted to work in foreign relations. He was a great guy” His tone and pained facial expression explained the rest. It’s a subject he seems to avoid. Inspired by his candor, she told him the rest of her tale too.
“All my life I felt I was being held captive. My father, he’s different. He’s not a good guy. I don’t like him” His thumb was tracing the back of her hand causing goosebumps up her arm. It was the first time someone held her hand in that way.
“And now you’re free,” He said encouragingly.
“Yeah, maybe I am” Temari didn’t even pull back when he interlocked their fingers.
Her eyes remained open, she continued to write in her journal as her companion slept through the night. What was a page of Shikamaru became the remaining pages in her journal. She didn’t even know what she’s writing, all she knew is that she wasn’t stopping anytime soon.
But no matter how much she wanted to avoid the inevitable, the train was already slowing down. She didn’t wake him for breakfast; she wanted to savour the peace his presence brought. Ignoring the nagging emotion in her heart, she reached out and shook him gently.
“Hey, we’re stopping” His eyes slowly opened up, staring up at her. They remained that way, her hovering over him, her hand on his shoulder as the train came into a full stop.
Should she kiss him? Would he mind? She chose cowardice and pulled away.
“Here’s your stop” Temari sat on her seat and casually opened her book, gripping the item to stop herself from looking at him.
What happened to them last night was unexpected. They were strangers talking, acting as if they have known each other their whole life. He wasn’t part of the plan, he was just a stop over, another station before her goal but why does it make her sad?
“Temari?” His raspy voice called out.
“Yes?” She stood in front of him, her eyes locked on to his. Their breaths try to match one another, their toes almost touching, and the world suddenly just stops for them.
“Come with me. Come to Konoha, I’ll help you build a life there -- I’ll -- I’ll even help you get a job, just … stay …… with me”.
Suddenly she’s a kid again day dreaming of someone saving her.
Suddenly, she’s the major character in her book who finds her home.
But she’s a realist before she’s a dreamer - she doesn’t need someone to save her, she needs to save herself, and that’s what she was trying to do all her life.
Shikamaru’s outstretched hand looked inviting, and she wanted to grab it. She wants to, but she knows she can’t. That’s not her. That’s not Temari.
Instead, she closed the gap in between them and kissed him. She kissed him for the first time and the last time. She traced his face, his neck, his hair. Temari poured everything into that kiss, knowing full well she would not see him again.
“I wish I can. But that’s not where I am heading, that’s not my destination” Shikamaru kissed her again, her back to the window as he lifted her up.
There she is, inside a train compartment, kissing a stranger for the first time in her life. His warm lips on hers, her exploring tongue on his. He’s not part of the plan, he’s not supposed to come suddenly and make her question her decisions. She’s supposed to ride the train, sleep, change station, ride the train again then into her new home.
“I know” Her feet touched the ground but his hands remained on her hips. “Maybe we’ll meet again, then maybe, by that time, I can show you Konoha”. She flashed him a soft smile, their hands interlocking now, eyes gazing at each other and heart beats finally matching.
“Shikamaru …”
The train ride to Iwakagure wasn’t as fun and cheery as before. She hated how alone she feels; the compartment feels wrong now. Picking up her things, Temari opted to move to another.
“He’s a stranger, Temari” Her pen once again, writing in her journal about him.
“Where to miss?”
Temari muttered her destination to the bored booking clerk. It’s been almost 2 years away from Suna, 2 years in Iwa, 2 years of building her life.
“Thank you”
Locating an empty bench, she sat down and opened her journal. The tattered pages dedicated to him witnessed many nights of tears and longing. The words were fading, but not her feelings. She’s sure on the faithful day, she fell in love with him.
It was stupid, she deduced, but she knew it was the truth.
The approaching trains were a reminder that she has another journey. Taking one last look around the familiar train station, Temari boarded her train on the way to her home.
She stumbled into an empty compartment, breathing in and out as she gathered her bearings. Choosing one side, Temari stared out, waiting for the train to depart.
She didn’t even notice the door opening or the stranger sitting in the space in front of her.
“Hi” He whispered.
Temari took in a sharp breath as he took him in. The same face, the same eyes, the very same lips.
But he wasn’t smiling, she observed his breaths quickened as they both leaned forward, trying to examine each other.
“You” “Temari”
A wide eyed Shikamaru was struggling to come up with words but she too was stammering. The seconds felt like minutes as the two of them tried to make sense of what was happening. Finally, her brain caught up with her mouth and she was able to say something.
“Where to?” Her knuckles were gripping her coat. She knew the answer already, but she wasn’t going to keep her hopes up.
“Home” His gaze fixed on hers. “And you?”
“I guess, home, too” She arched her body, their face a few inches from each other.
The train started to moved pushing her forward, her nose is touching his and Temari thought it was him who kissed her.
His lips on hers; she’s finally home.