Chapter Text
The sky was clear despite it being a chilly day, so Jimin decided to wrap up warm and exit the house. There was the lightest layer of frost on the flowers, making them look mystical. He felt like the flower a little, all cold and dimmed down, yet at least it was surrounded by other flowers. It sounded daft to think that the omega was jealous of a plant, but it seemed everything around him had company except him. His inspection of the flowers was cut short when he caught a glimpse of another couple not too far away from him.
Jimin observed as Jin coughed a little as he walked beside Yoongi. It was only a slight cough but the omega was further along in his pregnancy than the younger. The alpha immediately was onto the omega, touching his arm gently with his full body turned around to face him, blocking the omega's view of Jin.
“Are you okay?” Yoongi was not the tender type, but even his limited affection showed how much he cared because he may not be intimate often but his face always gave away how much he cared. It was so sweet that Jimin grimaced a bit from the distance.
“Yes I'm fine,” Jin stated as he heaved a few more times. Even Jimin felt a little concerned as he watched him, a cold would not benefit him right now.
“Doesn't look like it, let’s go to the healer,” Yoongi hadn’t even finished his sentence before he was dragging Jin in the opposite direction, his authoritative tone held no weight though.
“No need,” Jin pushed him away gently, his voice was so fond and warm. Jimin couldn't see his face fully but he could already tell that he was smiling. “I'm fine.”
“You have a small fever though,” Yoongi countered.
“It's fine. if it gets worse, I'll go tomorrow okay?” The omega reasoned. The elder always had been stubborn, it was something Jimin had admired about him a lot, but even now he wanted to butt in and side with Yoongi. He stopped himself though, it wasn’t his place to.
Yoongi looked at him sceptically for a few seconds before nodding. It made Jimin feel so jealous. He had a cough too, why didn't Jungkook treat him with such care as well? He was pregnant for god's sake, that mattered. All the alpha did was ask if he was okay that morning and then didn't bother saying anything else. He had been feeling feverish for the past few days and it was getting worse, but he had been too stubborn to go to the healers. If he had his mate beside him, caring for him, then he would agree in an instant.
It just made him feel more worthless, here he was carrying the alpha’s pup, and he was still treating him the same, just with a few more touches and stares. At the end of the day, a child didn't make Jungkook love him more, and that was a huge blow to his self-esteem. The one thing he had heard time and time again was that Jungkook wanted a pup as soon as possible, but clearly, there was something wrong. The lack of contact between the mates was the clearest sign of the alpha’s hatred towards Jimin, and it left him unable to smile. His resolve was breaking day by day, their relationship wasn’t improving and their mating was only half complete. There were so many signs that the alpha wasn’t fond of him yet Jimin still persisted because he really did love the alpha.
Jungkook was kind to him on the rare occasions they saw each other, but that's all. He was never treated badly, but maybe Jimin would prefere some harsh words compared to the indifference Jungkook showed. He was treated like a business partner, not a mate. The alpha had never been vicious, so Jimin wasn't expecting insults or subtle gals, but the limited communication was enough for him to decide where they stood.
His fondest memory of Jungkook had been a few weeks into their mating. When the alpha had come to bed on time instead of late at night.
They had spent hours just talking and talking, sharing stories about their childhood. Jimin learnt so much about Jungkook them, as he was laid down next to the alpha. He cherished those memories so much. Jungkook wasn’t the best talker, but when he got started he would stop.
Something had switched that day and for the better, the smiles had got fonder in the few weeks after, and they had more progressive talks during the inconsistent dinners they shared. It was nice, and Jimin felt like they were making progress, albeit slowly.
Jungkook may rarely scent him at dinner, but each morning they would wake up tangled in the sheets. Jimin would hear the alpha slowly untangle himself from Jimin, always waking up earlier, and getting ready for the day. Jungkook had a routine he would stick to, he would get dressed and then pull the sheets up all around the omega until he was completely tucked in. He would then play with his hair a little to uncover his face before heading out. It was the most intimacy Jimin felt with Jungkook but it satisfied him. The alpha may be distant but he wasn’t harsh. They were slow but it was getting somewhere, and it made him hope. He felt resentful though still, he craved more and more.
It was when things were nearing his heat that things got slower. Jungkook was constantly in the office, and would come later and later to bed. Jimin always felt worried, but try as he might he would miss the alpha in bed. It was only in the mornings when he woke up surrounded by his scent, or when he would feel another body hugging him in the middle of the night to know the alpha was there. Jimin felt bad, Jungkook was swamped with work, but he also felt greedy, he wanted his affections.
It was like when Jimin got pregnant, Jungkook decided to do so much more work. The alpha would always provide him with a freshly scented scarf in the morning, sitting atop his desk, but that wasn’t enough. He needed his mate. Jungkook skipped more lunches, and would barely be seen at night. Sometimes he would not come back to bed. One night Jimin woke up feeling thirsty, and not feeling the alpha next to him made him anxious. When he decided to patter down the hallways to the other side of the building, he hadn’t expected to see the alpha asleep on his desk, head down with one single candle providing a dim light.
It had made Jimin worry a lot, was the alpha that busy or was he just avoiding him? When he tried to coax the alpha into working less he had adamantly refused, stating that he had a lot of responsibilities to fulfil. Jimin tried to be understand but he couldn’t stop this feeling of loneliness overcome him. Couldn’t the alpha spend more time with him? Not even a little more time. The few words, and brief cuddling sessions in bed were enough, not when he was carrying. He wanted more. He felt like he deserved more.
Jimin had planned on going riding with Jin today, but from the looks of it, he wouldn't come. The elder was late, and Jimin really wanted to get out of the house, so he set off on his own. The elder was not as active as he had been a few weeks ago, so Jimin wouldn’t be surprised if he cancelled their little date. He felt dead as he walked to his horse, the one Jungkook gifted to him for their mating. Mates tended to ride with each other often, but since they had united they had never set foot in the fields together. It was another sign of how broken their relationship was.
He rode on his horse woefully until he felt a sharp pain in his abdomen, worse than anything he ever felt. It wasn't his muscles cramping up, nor was it indigestion. It was similar to the type of ache he got during his heat but way stronger. The sudden feeling left him winded for a moment. Panic started rising in him as he feared the worst, if it was his womb that was in pain then it could only mean one thing.
“Agh,” he cried as he bent over, causing the horse to stop moving too. They were already quite far away from the house, so nobody was around to help him. Jimin had felt tiny cramps throughout the day but nothing like this. It made him unable to think. He needed to get back as soon as possible.
Somehow Jimin managed to turn around and guide the horseback to the house, skipping the stables completely and trotting straight to the gardens where some alphas were loitering around. Someone would be able to help him soon. He could see Jin’s silhouette through his blurry vision in his riding gear coming through one of the doors just as he entered the area.
The most painful cramp hit him at that moment, making his thighs tremble and hands lose grip on the reins. The horse was still moving when he toppled over the side and landed flat on the ground. The only thing Jimin took notice of was how the dull thud of his body hitting the patch of flowers distracted him from the pain for a moment. His landing was soft, but it still ended up in his shoulder landing at a awkward angle, it was going to bruise harshly.
The sound of neighbouring and frantic footsteps was the last thing he heard before he collapsed; he faintly remembered seeing Jin running towards him.
When he woke up, the pain had subsided, but Jimin still felt dead, but he wasn't sure why. Jin was on one side of the bed, stroking his hand gently as he stared off into the distance, brows furrowed whilst he looked to be contemplating something. Jungkook’s sombre expression on the other side of the room didn't help him understand either. The omega felt a little happy that the alpha was in the room with him, it showed that he cared. The alpha could have chosen to not come and visit him whilst he was a little sick, but he came regardless. Jimin regretted being happy with his presence later on though.
“How long was I out for?” Jimin asked, hoping that at least one question could be answered. Jin’s head turned in shock to look at him, not having noticed that the younger was awake. A subtle pain overcame his shoulder where he had landed, but the slight buzzing feeling of his skin told him that a numbing ointment had been placed there.
“About 9 hours,” Jin replied. “I'll go get the healer, she said she needed to speak to us.” The omega patted Jimin's hand and left the room for a split second. Jungkook looked in his direction, looking ready to say something. But just as fast as his lips opened with a sentence half ready to be said, he pursed his lips and looked away. The omega also parted his lips to say something, but couldn’t bring out any words. The alpha should atleast communicate with him right now, even simply ask if he was ok.
“I'm sorry,” the healer said sorrowfully when she entered the room. And it wasn't until she finished the sentence that Jimin understood why everything seemed to be grey. But it wasn't the news that broke Jimin's heart, it was rather what he saw.
The look on Jungkook’s face when the healer broke the news made everything in Jimin’s universe collapse. The alpha didn't bother to look anywhere near his direction, keeping his head to the side as his mouth scrunched up as a sign of disgust. No words of reassurance came out of his pursed mouth, no comfort came from his fisted hands, it was too upsetting for Jimin who let out a choked sob. The noise made Jungkook turn a little towards him, but still not looking anywhere near his direction. The sour scent of Jimins sorrow filled the room, mixing with the alpha’s burning scent. Both signs of distress.
“Excuse me,” he said as he rushed out of the room, shoulders tense and steps heavy. He looked like he was about to kill someone, it was a sight Jimin only ever saw once when he was pissed off at his advisors. The healer turned around and looked at him pitifully at the sight. “Il leave you alone to process the news. ”
Jimin cried loudly at the lack of warmth causing Jin to engulf him into a tight hug. The comforting scent for the omega did little to help him when he craved for someone else.
“Jiminie? I heard what happened,” The omegas voice provided him with comfort, and so did his hug, even though the affection didn't come from the person he needed it most.
“It's ruined,” he wailed. Things had already been on the tipping edge, and this was the last push that made the omega completely crack.
“What is?” Jin already knew.
“Everything.”
“No, it isn't,” Jin denied. “You can still birth pups, this was just a fluke. I had one a few years ago too, it was horrible but the healer had told me a couple of months later that I was healthy enough to birth pups.” The words were reassuring to some extent, and it did help Jimin out a lot, but that wasn't why he was so upset. Jimin wants to mourn for his lost pup, but his lost mate. He didn't care that he could still have pups, what hurt him more than anything was that he didn't have his alpha, He never had his alpha.
“Not just that, everything.”
“Oh baby, nothing is ruined, I promise.” the elder stayed by his side the rest of the day to comfort him, even Yoongi came by briefly to tell him to ‘take care’. The older alpha had borough him some venison that he had caught, mumbling slightly about how it would make him get strength back quicker. It was endearing in its own way how awkward Yoongi was in trying to show affection, but even his eyes showed more concern than Jungkook’s ever did.
Jungkook never approached him.
Jin was wrong, everything changed. Anyone who passed him in the halls would direct a pitiful look in his direction, it was like they were all mocking him for his misfortune. The states were not malicious, but it hurt his wounded omega, even more, his failures became real when it was displayed on other people. Jungkook no longer shared the bed with him since that day and instead slept in a different room. Over the past three days, he only caught a glimpse of the alpha once at the end of the hall, to which the alpha walked away right after seeing him. The stabbing pain in his heart and bond was worse than the miscarriage. How could Jungkook leave him to suffer like that?
“I don't understand why Jungkook isn't here,” Jin stated as the elder joined him for dinner on the second day. The elder looked pissed as he rubbed shoulders with Jimin, clearly more than a little pissed off at his younger brother. Jin had made sure to voice out his displeasure whenever he could. “He is so careless.”
The omega had done his best to spend every moment with Jimin the past few days, providing him with a level of comfort that an alpha couldn't give, but it wasn't enough. Jimin didn't respond, he stayed quiet the whole dinner, even as Jin tried to coax him to talk. He felt dead inside like he was slowly wilting away. Everything he had hoped for, even the bare minimum had not been achieved and here he was, still waiting for something he would never get.
At night he felt so alone, he needed comfort and love after losing something so precious, but all he got was a cold bed and the loss of something else he cherished. Even the little time the two mates spent together meant so much to him, and now he was left with nothing, not even his dignity. His body was still weak and would be for a few more days. There were cramps still happening, but the bleeding had stopped. All he wanted to do was crawl up into a little ball and never come out. Jungkook never physically hurt him, that was a plus, but with how his body was suffering, sometimes he just wished that was the case because then he would truly know that the alpha thought about him.
It was surprising how easily Jimin thought of the idea on the third night, it had already been playing on his mind for a week, but only that day did it become a possibility than a thought pressed to the back of his conscience. He felt scared at executing his plans, but ultimately his pain won over anything else. It was for the best, the omega tried to convince himself. It hurt more how no one noticed him preparing for that night, not even Jin who made sure to check up on him from time to time.
Jimin shook as he prepared his horse for the journey, he had planned to travel out of the city with the horse and walk on foot from there. The horse would be found before he was.
He had felt grief the past few days because of his loss, but right now all he felt was bitter. Bitter that no one cared enough to stay by his side and keep an eye on him. Jungkook was doing an awful job of it and it hurt him a lot. Even Jin's kindness wasn't enough, his omega craved a feast but got crumbs instead, and when he was the most in need of it, got left to starve.
The mating bond on his neck was throbbing, calling out for his alpha to come to no avail. How was Jimin supposed to call for the alpha when only half of the mating had been completed? Jungkook was completely oblivious to everything whilst both Jimin and his omega craved for him daily, the feeling increasing tenfold with the unreciprocated mark on his neck.
It was time to end something that never properly started, and Jimin was feeling bitter. He couldn't miss something he never had, but all the same, he wished his wishes had come true, even a little bit. To be loved and taken care of. Walking past the portrait wall on his way out gave him even more courage to leave, he was never welcome here.
Even though he wanted to leave everything and walk away, a small part of him hoped to be tugged back, to be excused by a pair of muscular arms and be rid of everything. Even with this fantasy, he didn't want to wait and see if it would ever happen, he had done more than enough waiting around, and it had led nowhere.
Preparing to leave was one thing, but taking the plunge was another. Jimin swayed on his feet for a few long moments, trying to gather up the courage to finally jump on the horse. Once he got on there, it was final. It was a light wave of cramps that convinced him to do it, a reminder of what he lost staying here. Just as he was about to jump onto the horse, he heard shuffling behind him.
“Jimin?” Jin's voice resonated softly.
The said omega froze up and turned around, feeling like a burglar caught in the act of stealing. He cowered the minute he saw the elder emerge front he shadows and clung on to the horse’s reins tightly, pressing himself against the larger furry cheek. He couldn't escape now and instead would look like a fool in front of the omega he respected the most. He was so close, but he had failed. He couldn't jump now, not with a witness.
“What are you doing this late at night?” The omega asked. The elder’s gaze was inquisitive, and a little concerned as he analysed the sight in front of him, catching How Jimin looked at the pouch. He looked like he had just awoken, similar to Jimin as both were in their nightgowns and slippers. Jimin was unable to supply an answer, still shivering from being caught. His lips wobbled as he felt the omegas gaze assessing his attire before a hand came out to open the small pouch attached to the seat.
Jimin jerked forward to stop him, but was too late, Jin had already opened the bag and was rummaging around. It was over.
“What-” the omega gasped, realising very quickly what was going on. Jimin couldn't hold it in anymore and burst into tears. He collapsed onto the floor and heaved out large cries, loud and ugly. He had been caught, and couldn't escape this nightmare now, there was no way he could get on the horse when Jin was in front of him, even if the omega wouldn't chase after him, knowing that someone witnessed his departure was enough to make him scared to leave. A warm body encompassed his seconds later, the soothing pheromones of an omega trying to calm him down even a little.
“Let’s go inside,” Jin suggested. His voice was thick like he wanted to cry, Jimin couldn't understand why he was the one suffering. The last thing he wanted to do was walk shamefully back to his quarters, to the cold empty bed where he would continue to be alone.
“No,” the younger shook his head, “I don't want to.” He had the urge to reach into the bag and grab the knife to plunge into his stomach, but Jin was in the way. He couldn't end his life now that his motives have been exposed, and had to continue living the life he dreaded.
The elder gave him his signature motherly look. “You are in no state to go anywhere, please come inside and we can talk.”
Maybe it was the way the elder looked at him, or how warm his embrace had been, but only after several minutes did Jimin nod and follow the omega inside.
“Not there,” Jimin stopped when they came near the master bedroom, where both residents were absent. It was like going back to where all the pain emerged from, the countless nights alone.
“Okay,” Jin stated, not even bothering to question him. Jimin couldn't help but be thankful about how intuitive the elder was. “Let’s go to one of the guest rooms and set up a nest yeah? For the both of us.”
The younger nodded mutely, still feeling so numb. He just felt tired, physically and mentally. Jimin just wished that his head was filled with nothingness, so his upsetting thoughts would plague everything he did. Would Jungkook like this? Will he come today? He didn't want to think about any of that anymore.