Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Gideon Pines

“Good for my health” was the worst excuse he had ever thought of. He couldn't even settle on a reason to throw me away. Mom seemed to accept it, though, because she hated me too. I could see her burning eyes staring me down as I packed my bags. Not much later, I was already there, in the town of Gravity Falls, away from my parents who both would be better off without me.

If I was going to be honest, I thought that I'd be there longer. I thought that they were actually throwing me out this time, actually putting me into the furthest family house they could find. But it was "just for the summer" once again. Wishing it was longer, I breathed in.

At least the house looked nice. The walls were made of wood and everything looked hand-painted. And to put it into simple words, the shop was simply insane.

My uncle’s house was a fancy bookstore named the "Mystery Shack". They sold clothes there, strange artifacts found around town, and obviously, books. There were so many shelves, so many covers to judge and summaries to read. The place looked like something out of a movie, and not from a random small town in Oregon. My uncle’s wife, Melody, told me that I could take any book that I wanted, and that I didn't even have to pay. I promised her that I'd choose something and take care of it. And then she smiled.

I liked Melody's smile. It was sweet, like in any picture of her. In fact, when I found out that my uncle wasn't even home, I wasn't disappointed to be with her. She seemed so nice, like such a good person to be around. I didn't even have to remember the fact that my parents hadn't checked where my uncle was going to be. She was enough, for now.

But the most important part was that Pacifica was there, sharing a bedroom with me and everything. My best friend in the world accepting to travel with me meant that maybe that Summer wouldn't be so terrible after all. It would be good to have someone like her around, someone who loved me, someone who could make me better, and someone I was used to. And she was great at getting used to things.

“What color’s your toothbrush?” I asked her. She stared up at me, from laying down in her new bed, replying, “orange”.

She, just like Melody, was always smiling. Her smile, beautiful as usual, colorful braces going surprisingly well with her long blond hair. Her clothes were bright like she liked them to be, and I noticed she wore a coat even though it wasn't cold, over a normal purple shirt.

“It’s so hot out, Pacifica”.

“You have no idea how long I took to sew this. I'm keeping it," she replied, still smiling.

Melody took us on a little tour around the house, and then she left for work. The shop was closed for the day, so it was just me and Pacifica now. She, thriving at every single cool thing she saw (everything was cool in her eyes), and I, trying to keep up with all she was saying.

It was right on the first day that we doomed ourselves to meet them. "Where did Melody say the library was?" I asked, as it was really easy to get lost in that house, or, in the “Mystery Shack”.

"I... think it was behind that door?" she pointed. "What do you think plays on the TV here?"

She turned the TV on, and I went straight to the door. Behind it, the huge shelves.

"Be right back".

Pacifica shook her head, sitting on the floor and playing with the channels. "Don't get lost!"

Entering that room was weird. I knew I wasn’t tall, but I felt even smaller next to those books. They were huge, most of them even looked heavy, and I felt bad for the poor thin ones being pressed between the hundred gigantic ones. That was a library, just like the ones I had seen in every videogame I'd ever played. It looked nothing like the library from my school, and it definitely looked darker.

I read so many titles, wondering if there were any bookstores like that back in California. “The Light of Tomorrow”, I saw one of the titles say. “Leaning Forever”, “The Movement of the People”, “Craving More”, “What You Wish Existed”. I had never heard of any of those books.

I wanted something new to read, and even more, I wanted something big. A thick, long book that I could spend the whole summer reading, ignoring that forest infested by mosquitoes and the way too many rocks on the floor. Maybe I could even spend the whole time in my room, reading a nice story and forgetting that I wasn’t home. That would just be ideal.

Then I saw it for the first time. One of the only hard-cover books there seemed to be around there. Its side was brown, or maybe dusty orange, and it was hanging alone on one of those shelves.

That book looked so old… I was scared of holding it ‘cause hard-covers tended to be more expensive. I still looked at it, though. The cover was beautiful, a golden hand which had six fingers and the number “3” on top of it.

No, I had to resist it. I couldn’t get a book like that for free.

But at the same time...

“Gideon!” I heard Pacifica call me and turned around, going back to the room.

“What’s wrong?”

“Check this out!”

Pacifica pointed at the TV, where there were two people, a boy and a girl. I wouldn't think by looking at them on TV that they were our age, or only a year older. “Who’s that?” I asked.

“They said they’re the Gleeful Twins. They’re magicians!”

I shook my head. “Magicians?”

“Yeah, they live here in Gravity Falls! And their commercial is playing on every channel! They have their own channels, by the way. Crazy”.

Of course Gravity Falls had its own town channels, it was a tiny place after all. There wasn’t even a restaurant anywhere.

"Gleeful Twins? Is that their artistic name or..."

“Wanna ask Melody where to see their show?”

The television answered her right away. “Come down to the Tent of Telepathy, where miracles can be both felt, and seen”.

“That’s a weird advertisement”.

“Gideon, they’re so cool! You had to see them doing magic! I was shocked!"

“Sorry, 'was busy seeing the books. I found a cool one but I'm kinda scared to read it. It looks expensive".

Pacifica seemed to be more interested in those Gleeful twins than in my expensive book. But how were we going to get tickets? Where was that place? I had barely paid attention to the end of the commercial, where in town was the “Tent of Telepathy”? And why did that name sound so fitting for that strange place?

I wished I had taken a longer look at those two, ‘cause they were maybe too fancy for Gravity Falls. I wanted to see more than just the fact that they had brown hair and blue clothes and maybe work out whether it was a bad idea or not to try and go to their show. Their commercial was playing on every single channel, there had to be a reason for them to be so known.

“Well. Anyway! Let’s call Melody!”

“No!” I exclaimed. “No, let’s not call Melody”.

“Why not?”

"We're not gonna bother Melody, she's working. We don't even know what she does for a living. We can't just call her".

Pacifica shrugged. “Alright. Then let’s go to town ourselves. See if we can find their show!”

And as much as I didn’t want to admit it, that was a better idea.

Pacifica and I turned off the TV and left through the door that we knew for sure was the front door. That town was so small that we walked for one minute and had already visited a whole street. There was a park, there was a diner, and there were multiple small houses every now and then, but no sign of anything named the “Tent of Telepathy”.

But we eventually found it. It wasn’t what I expected because it was actually a tent, and I had been expecting something more… sturdy. Maybe an events house, or a museum. But it was a tent, surrounded by a dense collection of trees, seemingly not so far away, and showing a big colorful star on top. “I saw that star in the commercial!”

There was something written on the star but I couldn’t see what it was. “Sir. Excuse me. Is that the Tent of Telepathy?”

“Oh, yeah, it is! The Gleeful Twins’ Tent of Telepathy,” he smiled. “You’re new here, huh?”

Was it that obvious?

“The Gleeful Twins have performed for us for years, every single Sunday. They’ve grown up with the town, we’ve seen them grow up”.

“How old are they?"

“That doesn’t matter, Gideon, Sunday! That’s tomorrow!” Pacifica interrupted. The man nodded with a smile. “We have to go get tickets!”

“You can get tickets directly at the tent. I believe they’re only sold until Friday, but you guys can try”.

“What do the… twins do again?”

“They do all kinds of stuff! Sometimes they come to the town festivals and levitate objects all around! They can also tell the future and read minds, from what I’ve heard”.

I stared at him, and then back at the tent. That man had a weird accent. Maybe everyone in Gravity Falls did. Telekinesis? Fortune telling and mind reading? We needed to check that out.

We thanked the man and started walking into the forest and towards the tent, hoping that they’d still have tickets. I could see the symbol on top much more clearly now, and the closed curtains which were shining in a strange blue light that came from the inside. I looked at the poster stuck to one of the trees. “Presentations every Sunday!” In a few minutes, we were there.

"Hey. Ciphica. Is this is a good idea?”

“What, why?” And I didn’t know how to respond.

“I don’t know. Maybe we shouldn’t bother them like this”.

Before Pacifica could even think of an answer, the curtains opened, and a man appeared and scared me. The man had light blue hair and a triangular eyepatch over the left side of his face. He wore fancy clothes that I did pay attention to this time and… wow. He looked overwhelmingly blue.

He stared at us with the most neutral of expressions, maybe waiting for us to speak. I wondered why he was dressed like that. It wasn't Sunday yet.

“Gideon Pines?” he finally spoke, with a weak voice. “And Pacifica Southeast?”

I widened my eyes. I could feel my heart stop beating for a short second and come back when he stared at me again. “W-” I tried to say, but he was quicker to continue.

“We’ve been expecting you”.

I said to myself that I knew there was something about him. Besides knowing our names, he was so… ethereal. He didn’t look like a person, definitely not like a normal human being. I had questions. Questions about him. Questions about that place. Questions and a need to run away from that man in the middle of the woods with us. I had questions and the blue-haired one-eyed man who knew my name added one to the pile with every single glare he gave me, every single straight glare into my eyes.

I felt like he was reading me. Reading my mind. Reading my soul. Seeing inside of me.

Even though I knew those things didn’t exist.

Pacifica replied. “You have?”

I turned to her to wonder how she found the strength to respond to him. His outfit looked so unsettling. The blue suit, the bow tie… The long top hat that was almost floating?

Magic tricks, I reminded myself. This can be explained somehow.

“Master Mason and Madam Mabel knew you two would come. They saved seats for you”.

He handed us a pair of tickets.

“Pacifica, let’s leave”.

She didn’t move; maybe she couldn’t move, but I couldn’t move either. She eventually used her arms to grab the tickets from the man’s hand, which was exactly what I wouldn’t have done in her situation.

“Welcome to the Tent of Telepathy”.

“Uh… Thanks?” Pacifica, stop talking. “Thank you… sir. I- What's going on?”

The man didn’t do anything else, and before he could say anything, the curtains moved again, and another one appeared. That was him, the boy from the commercial. He had the same dark brown hair, and I could see his dark blue eyes now. He was also wearing a lot of blue, which was obviously their theme.

“I’ll take it from here, William” was the first thing that he said in front of us, showing a polite smile on his face. He looked at us with an indecipherable expression and in person, I knew he was definitely a kid. Nineteen at most.

His skin looked soft, and his eyes were unbelievable. Dark blue like I had never seen on anyone else.

The blue-haired man, William, looked at the ground as if he was scared of the other’s presence, and then he went back inside, leaving me and Pacifica with yet another complete stranger. I didn't know how much of that was part of the show.

I just wanted to be back home, curled up reading that heavy hard-cover book. I wanted to be anywhere besides that place, where unknown people kept showing up.

“Hello,” the twin began. I hoped my face didn’t make it clear how scared I was that a strange man knew my name. Maybe I was even scared of the twin too. “How may I help you?”

Pacifica was the first to speak. “Hi! Hi, I’m…”

She stopped, and maybe thought about how William knew her name. I could feel she was trying to continue but couldn’t.

“New in town?” he asked, still with that smile. She nodded. “I’m Mason Gleeful. Or Dipper, as most people call me”.

Mason. Dipper Gleeful sounded better. He looked like a Mason though, that perfect posture as he looked down on us. He smiled like a Mason would.

“Where are you two from?”

“California," I blurted out. “Piedmont”.

Dipper began staring at me. He had no expression now, only frowns around his eyes. Maybe he was thinking about my name that he probably knew too. Maybe he made me nervous. And maybe the fact that he looked human wasn’t enough to make me feel less nervous.

“No, stupid,” he replied while staring into my eyes. “I mean here. Which family you’re from”.

“Uh, we’re here with Melody! And Jesus Ramirez. His uncle”.

The way Dipper turned to look at Pacifica made me almost regret not being able to reply myself. Was that… bad? Was an expressionless stare bad?

But he smiled. He went back to the smile he was showing when he first showed up, and that was less bad.

“Oh, right, the Mystery Shack people. I could tell”.

I didn’t know what he meant, but it didn’t matter. “I- We're- We-”

Pacifica took over for me. “We’re here for… tickets! I think. But… your- your butler just gave me a pair. Which… was probably a mistake. Here you go”.

“No, no, he was supposed to”. Dipper extended his arm to pull Pacifica’s back, but not touching her in any way. “You see, presentations are always free for newcomers. You didn’t know?”

I shook my head without realizing it.

“But… How did he know we were newcomers? Does he know everyone in town?”

"Yes".

“No. How did he know our names?”

Dipper and Pacifica both turned to me when I interrupted. He stared into my eyes again, and she probably did too, but I was too busy looking at him to notice.

His eyes were very dark blue.

“Oh!” he spoke. “Yeah, right, of course”.

He let out a quick breathy giggle, touching his face and then looking back at us. 

“That’s something William does. Every time there’s a newcomer, he says their name so they’ll be surprised and come to the show. It’s sort of a "welcome", I guess?”.

That answered absolutely nothing.

“Oh, so there hasn’t been a newcomer in a while?”

“No, there hasn’t. Pacifica, isn’t it?”

Pacifica smiled, the biggest smile she could smile, and I stared at her. “Yeah”.

“Not many people visit Gravity Falls. It’s nice to meet the two of you, though,” Dipper continued. “Pacifica and Gideon”.

I wanted to interrupt him. “But how? How did he know our names?”

“Hey, what’s going on out here?”

Dipper turned left to where a voice was coming from. A girl appeared next to him, clearly his twin sister that I had seen on TV, with long brown hair and shiny blue eyes. Eyes just like his, and perfect skin. The other Gleeful Twin.

She stared at me, and at Pacifica, and then at Dipper. Her smile was really pretty, and her lipstick really red. She looked taller than me but smaller than Pacifica, but I couldn’t tell.

“Dipper? Are these newcomers?”

And Dipper, or Mason, turned back to us. His smile burned down, and turned into only a smirk. They looked really good next to one another, like they fit well together.

They looked identical. And identically creepy.

“Yeah,” Dipper replied. “Mabel, these are Pacifica and Gideon”.

“Hello. Nice to meet you! Which one is which?”

I looked at Pacifica and saw her awkward but beautiful smile towards the really stunning girl. Mabel was much more readable than her brother, she had a face which showed expressions instead of just looking good. Her smile had no braces, and maybe Pacifica noticed that.

“Tough crowd, huh?” she continued. “Hi, my name is Mabel Gleeful and I’m the star of the Tent of Telepathy”. Mabel winked and Dipper rolled his eyes, staring right with finally an expression. She kept looking at me with a beautiful smile, and then at Pacifica, also not giving me any answers.

“Nice to meet you, I'm Pacifica!”

“Did Will give you cuties the tickets?” She smiled differently than Pacifica. Her smile didn’t look sweet, although it was gorgeous. I wasn’t sure what it was about the red lipstick but there was something really unsettling about seeing it move with her lips. I couldn't understand. “That’s great to hear". She was just so stunning, too perfect to be human. “I hope you enjoy our show tomorrow night, Gideon and Pacifica”.

I had no idea what was going on, or what to do. Dipper had really structured cheekbones, didn’t he? Maybe he was perfect too. Maybe it wasn’t just Mabel.

“We have to rehearse now,” she said, smiling at us and then frowning at Dipper. “Emergency”.

Dipper nodded. “You two can leave now. We’ll see you at the show”.

“Wow, way to be rude, you jerk,” Mabel complained. “I’m sorry for my brother, he's jealous of me”.

“You two are so cool”. I stared at Pacifica. Mabel nodded and shot the most confusing expression she could at her. 

“Yes, I am,” her smile bright and wide. “You’ll see even more at the show. I hope you like my outfit, and my voice, and my magic, and my-”

“Mabel,” Dipper called. “Emergency, you said”.

He turned his back to us, entering the tent and leaving Mabel behind. “Oh. Right. Emergency, brother. Well. I’ll see you at the show”.

“Wait!”

“What?”

“This… This is all part of the show, isn’t it?”

Mabel didn’t seem to understand, but she smiled politely anyway. Or maybe it was a sarcastic smile.

“You knew we were coming here, ‘cause you’re fortune-tellers! That’s why you knew our names!” Pacifica grabbed my arm, and then jumped. She once again did exactly what I wouldn’t have done in her situation, and then turned to me to say: “Gideon, we're part of the show already!”

Mabel looked at me. “Is she always like this?”

“I sure am! Are you always this perfect, seer lady?”

And then Mabel smiled. She seemed to have forgotten about her emergency, so Dipper came back on scene, holding the curtains open.

“Yes, Pacifica,” he began. “Your future’s been crossed with the Gleeful twins. And you do not, ever, ignore that. Now leave. We’re busy”.

All I wanted was to leave. That was all I wanted.

“Wait! Again…” Pacifica yelled. “Can you see anything about me? Can you read my mind?”

Dipper sighed. He fixed his blue eyes on her blue eyes.

“Your heart’s beating fast”.

Pacifica jumped excitedly, exclaiming that it really was. I touched her shoulder to try to make her calm down, and Mabel definitely was staring at her.

“Goodbye".

I turned to Pacifica when they left, wanting to run away.

She started walking, and I started marching next to her. I needed to be home and think about what had happened. I needed to have Pacifica distract me with something, to let her know how fucked up it was that we had gone into the forest alone. Sure, Gravity Falls seemed safe. But was it really? How could we know? How could we trust Melody’s words? How could we trust anything?

And why did Mason- Dipper… have an expression that was so undecipherable, an expression I had never seen on my dad’s face before?

There were too many questions, and no answers, absolutely none. All I had was Pacifica’s voice.

“They’re so nice!"

“We can’t go to the show”.

“What?”

I thought about what to say.

“I mean… Should we? We barely know this town yet, we don’t even know what their show is about, and they just gave us free tickets for no reason. Aren’t you skeptical of this?”

“What a surprise, Gideon and his trust issues,” she replied. “No, Gideon, there was a reason. We’re new in town, remember? They do that with everyone”.

“You think people come here? Really? Melody said no one really visits Gravity Falls for more than one day. No one”.

Pacifica nodded, and her sneakers made noise when she stepped on the leaves.

“Melody doesn’t know everything, she can’t know these things! Logically, she can’t know”.

“Pacifica, this town is tiny. Of course she knows everything about it". I knew that didn’t make sense, but it still sounded accurate to me. “And that doesn’t matter. That butler knew our name”.

“Maybe Melody told them”.

And that, it didn’t make much sense, but it was the most perfectly logical explanation I knew I’d be able to find. I decided I’d go with it.

“You’re right,” I said. “I’m worrying too much”.

She smiled. “So you’re going to the show?”

I thought about it again. It had to have been Melody who told them our names.

Yeah, I couldn’t waste an opportunity like that just out of fear. Dipper and Mabel had to be good people.

“Yeah. Let's go”.

Pacifica smiled wide and walked towards me to create a hug.

“Ouch”. Her hair kept falling on my face, and I didn’t want to just stop walking. “Okay, okay. I get it”.

“I love youuuu,” she sang.

“I love you too”.

“Now let’s get you out of the sun! Your skin’s starting to get red”.

“Ah, fuck”.

It was late when Melody finally arrived home. She looked tired, exactly how one would be after a whole day of work. I was so thoughtful on that evening that I didn’t even think of asking her what she did for a living.

I had to know about the Gleeful Twins.

“Aunt Melody”.

“Hey, dear! Isn’t Pacifica with you?”

“She’s in the shower. Hey, do you know the Gleeful Twins?”

She nodded with a smirk. “Of course!”

“In person?”

“I’ve seen them in person a lot, yes,” she giggled. “It’s Gravity Falls, sweetie”.

Right. It was Gravity Falls. Her town and their town. Very small town.

I remembered everything I had heard about the town before I went there. I remembered my mom telling me about Gravity Falls when I was really young. It had always been so abstract in my head, so invisible, and I never thought I would ever visit it. It was so strange to be there.

“Did you choose a book, Gideon?” Melody brought me out of my thoughts.

“Uh… Not yet”.

“And why not?” she asked. I didn’t exactly have an answer. “You’re not scared that you’re gonna get them dirty, right?”

I didn’t reply, and she understood the answer. She smiled and shook her head.

“Gideon, I said you could get any book you wanted to”.

“Even that one with the hand on top?”

“Hm, I don’t know which one that is. But of course!”

“It only has one copy. Is that okay?”

“Yes, Gideon”.

Melody was sweet. 

I hoped my uncle was sweet too.

I entered the library again, searching for the book I had seen. This time I actually grabbed it instead of just carefully touching it, and God, it was heavy. I thought that that was the perfect book for the summer, the absolute perfect one. Thick and seemingly interesting, just how I wanted it.

I went back to the room. “You sure I can take this one?”

“Of course!”

“Anyway. We’re going to the show tomorrow. The Gleeful Twins’”.

“Oh, okay! Hope you have fun!”

She didn’t object, so they couldn’t be dangerous…

I left the room and walked to the bedroom. Pacifica was still in the shower, so I decided I’d read a little. Looking around the book cover, I couldn’t find the author's name. I searched for the name inside the pages and...

Nothing. There was absolutely nothing on the few first pages that could tell me who had written that massive book without a name. And that was when I realized it wasn’t even a normal book. It was a journal.

I started reading through it, trying to find answers because I didn’t want to get questions all over again. It was very interesting, the story told of a person who had apparently disappeared, one who studied monsters, who lived in Gravity Falls.

Pacifica pulled me out of my focus. “HEY".

I touched my chest, terrified. I had not heard her coming out of the shower or coming toward me.

“Don’t do that when I’m reading!” She didn’t seem to mind that I was complaining, she was laughing a lot. “Hi”.

“Hi". Her pretty smile was there. “Whatcha reading?”

I closed the journal. “Nothing important. Don't worry”.

“Alright? Anyway, are you super excited for tomorrow? I'm so excited for the show”.

“Why?” I touched the hand that she had on my book, pulling it away. 

“Because… Dipper. Can't you tell?" She smiled, and I shook my head.

“You… You mean…”

“Didn’t you hear what he said? Our paths are crossed, Gideon! That’s just soooo romantic!”

My brain created more questions.

Shit. Not him. Not the guy who was too handsome to be human. Not that one.

“You’re falling for him?”

She took no time. “No, Gideon. I’ve fallen for him”.

Chapter Text

Dipper Gleeful

We had a meeting with Stanford every single Sunday morning, and we never missed one. He’d come in with the stats, write on some papers, and then throw information at us. And that was how the Gleeful Twins show was always planned.

He never hid anything, he was a strict manager. And he also never hid that he clearly preferred Mabel over me. 

“The numbers are down, people are getting sick,” he would say, not even understanding what he was talking about. “They’re sick of seeing the same thing over and over again. We need to change. We need to do better”.

I rolled my eyes at him. The only reason he wasn’t loudly swearing was because Mabel was there. Alright, I had to hand it to him and say that sometimes he didn’t swear horribly, but business talk with me was never that peaceful. It was never that okay.

I turned to face Mabel, who was nodding at everything he was saying. I would’ve called her an idiot if I didn’t know that I’d act the same toward someone who treated me that well.

It was Stanford who was the idiot. Mabel was just doing the smart thing and accepting opportunities, listening to someone who treated her like she was the only useful being in the world, like she was all that mattered. She wasn’t stupid for that.

But I didn’t have to listen to Stanford.

”Hey. Mabel, don’t you have corpses to take care of?” And Stanford looked at me for the first time in that morning. “I don’t know, no cremations to attend to?”

He looked angry.

”Mason-“

”Don’t listen to him, uncle. What can we do to be better?”

The way she spoke made me want to vomit. Stanford sighed before continuing, trying to reform his low voice. “That’s not the question you should be asking. The question should be: what can you do better tonight?”

Ugh, what even was that? A speech? A sermon? How the fuck was Stanford able to speak without wanting to rip his own tongue out? Holy shit.

”What if we sang today? That could be helpful!”

”Singing… Singing isn’t gonna fix anything. Because you know what the problem is, Stanford? It’s this fucking town. There’s no one else here, everyone has heard of us, of course they’re gonna get tired. It’s inevitable that they’ll get sick. You’re just so stupid, wanting to keep us here, in your puny little town, with no real opportunity to share our magic with the world. You know what the problem is? It’s you. You’re our problem, you’re the one who’s keeping us back, you’re the one keeping us from greatness. And all because you’re scared. You’re scared of letting me go, scared that I’ll be better and more powerful than you. And you know that if you let me go, you’re gonna lose everything. That’s what the problem is”.

I didn't say any of that. I allowed them to continue.

"Singing is a great idea, sweetie. How are you planning on going with that?”

“I don’t know, maybe we should sing our theme again?” Mabel shot a huge smile and turned to me. "Dipper?"

I looked at William, who was standing next to Stanford. I didn't want to reply. Like on every Sunday morning, I wasn't looking forward to performing again. But.

"Sure".

Mabel clapped excitedly. "Remember your notes, Will?" And Will nodded. "Perfect then!"

Will was looking around, moving his eye maybe a bit too much.

“Then it’s settled”.

“Okay. Is that all, Uncle Stanford?”

“Yes, dear. That’ll be all”.

Mabel quickly stood up, her useless smile still on her face. She walked one step closer to where Stanford was sitting and kissed him on the forehead. They then held hands and nodded at one another, a sense of understanding between the two of them that grossed me out more than anything. I stared at Will hoping really hard that he was staring back, and he looked at me, thinking: “I know".

At that moment I just wished I could tell him to fuck everything up and kill Stanford for me. Could I even do that? Was it part of the deal?

Sometimes Stanford walked into my office. Sometimes he had the audacity to enter my office without knocking on the door, just like it was his. The audacity Stanford had to exist around me was overwhelmingly stupid, and simply because he was mother's uncle. He was also ugly… and so old. His face hadn’t looked as perfect as mine in a long time, and his blue eyes were falling down now, skin getting soft and stretchy. I couldn't wait until he got old enough to be sent away, or until the day I would see him die right before my eyes.

I also couldn’t wait to be eighteen, completely undependable of such a futile person who was there for filling up space.

I already knew Stanford was stupid, but holding my sister's hand right in front of me made him so much more stupid. It made me hate him so much more.

“Mason,” he called. “You should wear the black vest tonight”.

I shook my head. “Something wrong with the blue one?”

“Wear the black one". No questions asked.

“You think he’s gonna like my voice?” Mabel interrupted, looking up to the ceiling.

“Who?”

“Gideon”.

“Oh,” I whispered, not believing it at first. "Wait. Gideon Pines?"

“Yeah, that’s right!” she exclaimed, and then started dancing around the room. “Isn’t he enchanting? Gideon, oh, Gideon. Wherefore art thou, Gideon? I am the east and Gideon is the sun! What is my life, my breath, my heart, without my beloved young man? I suffered so much while you were away, my love. And now that you are close, I wish for you to realize that the universe has given us a chance to be happy together! Kiss me. Now!”

Stanford smiled at her, and Will maintained his neutral expression. I was still processing it. The scene felt like a dream, a scene from a nightmare, just an actress playing in a movie. A woman like her, and him... What?

“Is Gideon the new kid? Mystery Shack?” Stanford asked. I turned my face to Will again, who instantly looked at me too.

“Yeah, you heard about him?” Mabel giggled. “Oh, Uncle Stanford, he’s just so cuuute! He has beautiful blue eyes, white messy hair which is just so… charming! He’s perfect in every single way, and his voice is so addicting!”

“Mabel. You barely know him". But she didn’t seem to care. She brushed me off, even though I could have said so much worse.

“Dipper doesn’t believe in love, Uncle Stanford. He doesn’t believe in me and Gideon”.

I didn’t say anything else. That wasn’t even worth discussing. How could Mabel... No, it had to be a joke. She had to be kidding.

But she wasn't. And you could see it on her face, the enamored expression that she wore. I tried to take my mind to the other matter: Will had told Stanford about the two kids. As I looked at him, he closed his eyes. And I could see he was holding tears in.

Good. That could be a distraction for now.

“I don’t know what happened, I felt the connection. Didn’t you, Will? I can sense something is gonna happen, and he's so fearful, that's so adorable!" Adorable. "And he looks so smart, doesn't he? Tonight has to be our best show yet, make sure of that!”

I wanted to laugh. More than I wanted for that to be a joke, I wanted to laugh. “You don't even know if he and the girl are together. And his age. He could be twelve”.

“He’s not twelve!” she replied. “Will. How old is Gideon Pines?”

Will was surprised to be requested. His voice, breaking, “sixteen, Madam”.

“See?” Mabel turned to me and shrugged.

"Of course I know he isn't twelve," but he could be as stupid as he looked. Even his clothes were funny, I couldn’t not notice them. That crumpled shirt and that horrible pine on his horrible hat.

It wasn’t a possibility, it was a certainty. Gideon Pines was an idiot, and his friend probably was one too. She, with her annoying clothes and her horribly-colored smile. Her hair, so good-looking, but ruined by all the stupid things she used to hold it back. Two thick eyebrows that would go so well on the face of someone who mattered, and not a random orange-wearing teenage girl. That idiotic girl and the idiotic guy whom my sister liked.

What a waste of humans stupid people were.

"So, what is it? A boy and a girl? And they're coming to the show?"

"Yeah! Gideon and... Pacific. I think. But what matters is him, really. He's just so..."

“I’m sure he’s going to love your voice, Mabel”.

"I can't do this anymore".

I got up from my chair and left, calling Will to come behind me. I didn’t have to be there for their gross compliments, to see Stanford talking about Mabel like that. Suffering through meetings was already bad enough. And finding out Mabel had even worse taste than I thought she did... Jesus.

I looked at the clock on my phone. Eleven in the morning, perfectly. I needed to get ready.

But there was business to attend to first.

I walked straight to my office, letting Will come in behind. “Do you like it in here?” I asked. And Will simply nodded. “That’s great, Will. I’m glad you do”.

I closed the door behind us and started paying attention to what Will was doing. I could see his legs were almost wobbly. He was looking down, the side of his mouth twitching.

He looked good. I wondered what he felt as he saw my fist going towards his face, ready to harm it. He rest his hand on the bruised spot I left, crying without making any noise. I knelt him on the floor and then pulled both his arms up, approaching his face. I didn’t even have to have a reason, I wasn’t even angry that time. I just wanted to clear my thoughts before the show and punish him for including Stanford in my stuff, and there he was, having to accept everything that I wanted to do, every pain that I wanted to inflict.

To me, it was heaven.

“What was it that you did wrong, Will?” He never knew what to answer. I hit his face again, with less strength this time.

“I'm sorry, Master,” he cried. I stared at my butler. Feeling his bone against my hand was always so satisfying.

“You know what you did, hm?” I asked, holding his cheeks and looking inside his big blue eye. He nodded.

“I do,” he responded. “I'm sorry. He made me tell him. I was just doing my job”.

Stanford was a brainless incompetent man who was always trying to get what was mine, always trying to be superior, always wishing to be in charge. But I couldn't let Will take it lightly.

All the rage I felt for Stanford at that moment went straight to my fists, and I landed my right one beautifully on Will’s face. Maybe he didn't deserve it. But he was there to serve me after all. I heard him cry. My poor demon.

“Your job, Will... is to obey me. Okay? The only reason for your existence is me. I was the one who found you. I was the one who captured you. And if it weren’t for me, you’d still be stuck in that dimension, alone, screaming for help, abandoned. So don't ever listen to Stanford without talking to ME first. He did nothing but show me that book, okay? I did the rest myself!”

“Yes, Master”.

Good, I wanted to say again. Will stared at the blue floor with his forehead touching mine, and kept nodding in agreement. I lifted him off the floor, making him face me.

“Stanford is not higher than me in any way. Alright? And never disagree with me. When we brought you to serve us, I made it pretty clear that my orders weigh much more than his. No matter what he or Mabel might tell you, always remember that you're mine". Another nod. “You’re one hundred percent mine, I’m the one you have a deal with. Not my uncle. Not my sister. Me. Is that okay?”

He didn't even try to smile. All he did was say yes.

"I'm glad we agree".

I let him go, and this time, no blood fell to the floor. Will stood up, and he was ready to leave my office. With a smile, I called him again:

“Hey, Will”.

He turned to me. His skin was bruised all over.

“Can you mess with my black vest a little? Stain it a little?"

He smirked. He always knew what I needed.

“Of course, Mason”.

I nodded. “You can call me Dipper sometimes. You know that, right?”

I felt his heartbeat getting louder, from far away. “Okay, Mason”.

And with a giggle, I let him leave.

Being powerful was good. But I hated how that demon, William, was the only being in the house who actually respected me the right way. Mabel was too inconvenient, and Stanford was too unbearable, but Will was perfect. Every time the night fell, we’d be at our places, and he would be there, making sure everything is right, making sure the piano is right, and carrying his pitiful, sad eyes, ready to play for us, making our show perfect.

My sad blue William. Maybe when Stanford died, he’d be in better hands.

Chapter Text

Gideon Pines

I still couldn’t believe Pacifica was in love with the guy she’d just met, but I decided to accept it and wait for it to be over. On the day of the show, she dressed up in a brown coat, a yellow shirt, and blue jean shorts. I told her that that was maybe too bright for a presentation that was going to be mainly blue, but it was Pacifica. And she couldn't be just one color.

I watched her play with makeup as I remembered how much she always loved to go out in the evening, looking pretty under the moonlight and dancing around everywhere.

She was way too excited this time, while I was hoping it was our last time on that Tent of Telepathy. It was exactly 7 P.M. when we arrived there. There were many people around, but not enough to fill up the whole tent, which was good. The place wasn't exactly bad, and I liked getting to sit on the front seats. I was curious about what would go on, about what kind of magic they did, and it was strange how everyone around us probably knew, and probably had seen it a thousand times.

I didn’t know what would happen on that stage, but I wasn’t prepared for what I would see.

"You brought your book?!"

"Pacifica, you didn't even bring your phone. You don't have a say in this".

She giggled. "Why would I need my phone?"

"Same reason why I need my book. For comfort".

It all started with a lot of noise. A piano played beautifully in the background, and people started shouting "Gleeful! Gleeful! Gleeful!", and there they were. When the curtains opened, the twins held hands and bowed to the audience, posing in their black and blue outfits. Mabel was stunning. She shined in blue like Pacifica shined in yellow. Her wavy hair fell beautifully on her shoulders, reaching the middle of her stomach, bringing attention to the outfit she was wearing. Her pose was so eye-catching. I was so close to the stage that I could see her nails painted blue, only one filled with glitter. Her body was full and tight on the clothes.

God. Mabel was perfect.

And so was her brother.

Dipper stood tall next to her, looking almost the same height due to her heels. His hair was straight and also fell beautifully, but really short on his neck, and falling on his forehead. He wore gloves and posed with his hand in an artistic position, like he was waiting for something to fall on top of it. His smile was startling, going perfectly with his furrowed eyebrows.

He really had an impressive face.

It was hard to choose who to look at. They were both so alike, yet so different. What Dipper’s bone structure had, Mabel’s legs had. What one’s hands had, the other’s lips had. It was almost impossible to admit that they were humans just like me. They just looked… better.

Too good-looking to be human.

Dipper found me in the audience, and I didn’t hate that. He looked down at my lap, where the journal was resting, and his eyes changed.

I didn’t know what had changed. But it was something.

They both walked together in perfect synchronization, and it was like they were one. It was like she was the long-haired smiley version of him, and it was like he was the short-haired cold version of her. The stage was covered in different shades of blue, mostly neon, and some subtle spotlights worked toward the interesting yet spooky sight of the show. I suddenly wasn't glad that we were able to get a seat in the front, so close to them. In Pacifica's head I was just overthinking everything, though.

“Ladies and gentlemen," they both said at the same time. I could feel the chills down my neck. “It is such a gift to have you here tonight!

“I am Mason Gleeful”.

“And I am Mabel Gleeful!”

“And I... have a vision”.

“You do, brother?”

“Yes, sister,” he turned to her and she acted surprised. “I predict... music?”

Everyone clapped their hands as the piano changed tune, and this mysterious rhythm started filling up my ears. A creepy song began playing, and they started singing along to it. Music was something I wasn't expecting, but they had good voices. Even hours after the show, those catchy lyrics were still playing in my head…

Maybe that was the reason people still came to their concerts.

"Oh, we can see... what others can't see...

It's not a simple trick, it is pure ability.

Where others are blind, we are futurely inclined,

and you too could see, if you were one of the Gleeful Twins..."

It was Dipper singing most of the first verse. Pacifica held my arm, whispering how perfect she thought he was. "Yes, Pacifica, I've noticed," I wanted to say. "But he's too perfect for you too".

“Every one of you, stand!” Mabel said melodically, raising both her arms up. I couldn’t control my legs and got up together with everyone, dropping the journal on the floor. I knelt to grab it back.

”What the f-”

She then pointed to the side of the stage, and a man started harmonizing as if he was in a choir. Maybe that was William. On Mabel’s face, with a long red smile, I could see how much she liked his voice. With the vocals now, the song got a little less slow, and Dipper started pointing at the audience.

"You wish your son would call you more". The audience member nodded, covering their mouth. Dipper smiled. "You wish your wife wasn't a whore..." Another man nodded and laughed, but I could sense it wasn’t genuine. Dipper winked at him, still in tune with the music.

What was going on?

"I'll read your mind if I am able..." he pointed to another man, who waited for his part. Dipper smiled wide. "He is cheating! Isn't he, Mabel?!"

I opened my mouth in shock, but no one else seemed to care about what Dipper was doing, they were way too focused on everything he was doing. I turned to Pacifica, who shrugged. She didn't know what was going on.

"So welcome, you see, to the Tent of Telepathy...

Thanks for visiting... the Gleeful Twins..."

The last note was long and ominous, and they finished together and perfectly. As soon as the last piano key was played, they bowed once again, and the opening number was done. They got everyone to clap — even I found myself clapping out of pressure. They stayed in the bowing position for about five seconds, and when they returned, the claps hadn't stopped. Dipper opened a wide smile once again and lifted his left hand up, looking at me again. That time, it was bad. After hearing everything he said and knew about the people, I didn't like him looking at me anymore.

I sat back down together with everyone.

“Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. And others, of course. It is with great honor that we welcome you to our show. We are the Gleeful Twins”.

“I'm the fun twin,” Mabel interrupted, making everyone in the audience laugh. Dipper looked at her angrily, and she playfully smiled at him. “Don't be mad, boring twin!”

Dipper looked back at the audience, laughing along with them.

"We hope you're all ready for an evening full of... mystery," she moved her hand, and blue leaves started flying around it. "And magic! Don't forget magic!"

Their show went on for longer than I thought. It was so much. It made sense for them to be so popular, they had amazing skills at their tricks. When they moved objects around, I couldn't tell where the strings were, or if there were any strings at all. It all was so... mysterious and magical, just like they said it would be. People couldn't stop looking at them, and they were, once again, perfect. There was a moment when Mabel held a bunch of small knives and sent them flying in the direction of the audience. Dipper, with wide eyes, moved his hands, and there: the knives went back to the stage, levitating like magic.

My eyes were glued to both of them. And the blue wasn't overwhelming anymore. It was beautiful.

The talking continued. “And did you guys know that I'm older than my brother by five minutes? Meaning! He! Is the one who inherited my powers, and not the other way around!”

Dipper sighed. People laughed again, and they seemed way too excited for people who had been exposed horribly not an hour earlier, by the two teenagers they all liked so much.

“Sister... Why can't we agree that we inherited our powers from each other?”

“Oh, wanting to be equals… You know who does that, brother? Losers”.

“I don't think any of us here tonight are losers. Don't you agree?” Everyone cheered, breathing his words. “And that is why... Mabel, want to do the honors?”

“Surely, Dipper". Mabel held her own hand and walked to the front of the stage, looking around with a smirk. “Audience participation for all winners?”

Everyone screamed in glee, including Pacifica. Hands went up, all of people wanting to go on stage, while I prayed that she wouldn't choose me, I was terrified of audience participation. She ignored Pacifica's hands, got down and held the hands of a man who looked to be about thirty years old. The man had black hair and eyes, and he wore a purple suit like he had walked out of a fancy party.

He smiled at being chosen, and he followed Mabel to the stage, joined by the sound of clapping around them.

“What’s your name, please, sir?” Dipper asked, turning the man to face the audience. He looked unreal next to the man. It was like comparing a normal person to someone who wasn't... who wasn't normal in the slightest.

“Tad. Tad Average, Mason”.

Dipper smiled again. Actually, that was when I noticed, Dipper had been smiling for a while. Probably since the knives came in.

“That name is a tad strange, is it not?” Mabel joked. “I love it!”

“So, Tad... Are you ready for something... killer?”

“I am!” the man replied. Dipper and Mabel looked at each other and posed with the man, who was excited to be there.

"Maybe they'll pick me next time".

The twins started explaining what they would do, and suddenly William walked onto the stage with a human-sized box. They called it a simple sword trick, where Tad would enter the box, and then have swords pushed near him. It looked simple, it didn't look complicated at all. It seemed like every other magic number.

“How do you think they're gonna do this?" I asked Pacifica. "He can't even move his arms in there, how’s he gonna guide the swords?”

She shrugged again. I looked back to the stage, waiting for whatever would come next.

“Pretty comfortable in there, is it not?” Dipper exclaimed. It didn't look comfortable at all. He closed the box with Tad inside and Mabel asked:

“Tad, are you in there?”

"Yes!" he shouted. It was a bit difficult to listen to his voice. The piano in the background had stopped but the sound of the forest was loud.

Dipper then held up four swords. He "levitated" two towards Mabel, with his "telekinetic" powers. She held the swords and smiled at the audience, making another pose and pouting her bright red lips. 

“Wanna do the honors, precious sister? Since you... were born first?”

The audience laughed.

“Why don't we share the honors, adored brother?” And he nodded. “Just this once, of course!”

"If you say so!"

Some people got up to get a better view of the magic trick. Some lifted their children up. Others patiently waited. Pacifica was standing, she had her hands resting on her chest, seemingly nervous.

“On three! One…”

They each went to opposite sides of the closet door. Her on the left, him on the right.

“Two…”

They positioned their weapons. From my visual calculations of Tad's height, Mabel pointed at his throat. And Dipper, at his head. They arranged the way they were standing, like they were actually skilled with swords like those. Some people around me clapped, but most watched in silence.

“Three!”

They fired the two swords into the closet. It was so fast. There is no way I would’ve been able to guide swords with that level of speed, so Tad probably couldn't do it either. Everyone gasped. Some people did clap, but most just stood in shock. Mabel got her last sword and stuck it where Tad's stomach would be. Dipper did the same, but a little higher. Everyone was awaiting the results, and when they posed next to the sworded closet, they clapped. They clapped and clapped and they always clapped. The twins proceeded to take the swords out, placing all of them on the floor.

“Hey, Tad, how's it going?” Mabel yelled at the closet door.

There was no immediate response. It was only a few moments later that we all heard:

“Have you done the trick yet?”

Everyone sighed in relief. The twins bowed at the sound of Tad Average's voice, and the applause was present again. The really loud, and sudden applause. The sounds of the forest were far away now, unheard.

“Now… Cover your children's eyes!”

Dipper opened the door and I had never seen anything so absolutely horrifying. Tad was there, with his eyes open, standing, except he didn't look like he did before. His purple suit was now completely red. The swords had gone into him, we could see his bones, and we could see everything you're not meant to see in an average – living – human. His eyes looked lifeless, yet he moved his hand. He waved at the audience, who was covered in either laughter, applause, or covered eyes.

“Thank you all for coming to the Tent of Telepathy! And thank you, Tad, you've been incredible!”

I sat in complete shock. That could not be makeup. He couldn't logically not be... Impossible.

I was unreachable at that moment. My heart was going faster than ever. What?

“And the special audience lovely today is Gideon Pines, of course!” I heard Mabel say, and that made me start to pay attention again. “Everyone give a round of applause for Gideon, the cutest guy in this town!”

“Besides me!” Dipper completed.

“AHHH, they said your name! And he's completely right, you're the cutest besides him," Pacifica sighed with a smile on her face. I had forgotten that she was next to me. I looked at her, my eyes still wide. “Isn't he charming? Gideon, are you okay? Wasn't the show amazing?”

I stared at her, and then stared at everyone who was leaving, and then at Tad. The bloody Tad. He went out too, together with everyone, and I ran after him, those limbs dropping blood and flesh.

I looked for him for ten minutes, finding absolutely nothing. He suddenly disappeared. I wanted to run home. I wanted to cry. I wanted to find Tad but I couldn’t. I wanted to go back and not leave Pacifica behind again, with those two possible monsters. 

My brain was too confused even to produce tears.

“Leaving so early?” I heard a voice speak. I looked to my left side and there he was. Tad, next to Dipper Gleeful.

I couldn't speak. I turned to him but I didn't know what to say, or if I even could say anything.

“Give me that book, Pines”.

“W- What did you do to him? That wasn't... possible. Tad, are you okay?"

“He's dead, dummy," and when Dipper said that, Tad dropped to the floor. "I killed him, what do you think?” My eyes got wide with fear. “I usually don't tell people that, have to keep up my ‘good guy’ image. Glad you ran and came to this hidden place in the woods. Easier to get rid of his body here”.

We were far from everything. It was so dark. No one was around. I could see the lights from the Tent of Telepathy but they were far, far away.

“How did... What are you gonna do to me?”

“Well, my sister likes you. For that reason, I won't give you a painful death,” he replied. “In fact, I'll let you choose. What kind of death would you like, Pines?”

“De- Death?”

My heart wanted to come out of my chest, and I had no control over my mouth anymore.

“Hey, stop. If this is part of the show, it isn't funny! I don't like it. Please stop!

Dipper laughed at me.

“Life’s a show, little boy,” he replied, grabbing something from his pocket. I hoped my eyes were wrong. I hoped that wasn't a knife. “Hand me the book. Right now”.

“What book? I'm...”

“Pines…” he lowered his voice, getting closer and closer to me. Get away. Get away. Get away. “I know you don't know who you're messing with, so I'll allow you to act stupid for a while…”

I walked back, unsure of what was happening. "Run," my mind told me. "Run, you can run". But no, I couldn't. He was taller than me, probably much faster. There was no escape. I was completely vulnerable to him.

“I'm Mason Gleeful. Or Dipper, as most call me. I am the most powerful man in the world. No one can compete against me, no one can ever try to defeat me, no one can disobey me, understand? This is not a joke. I don't joke, I don't mess around. I get what I want and when I want. And I give people the punishment they need, the punishment I feel like they need. I'm the one who chooses, okay? And I don't choose for people to stay alive when I don't want to. It's going to be painless if you give me that book..."

I looked down at the journal. I handed it to him, scared for my life.

“I'll keep you alive for now. It's funny seeing you like this," he continued. "Oh, and if you tell anyone about this, no one's gonna believe you. And I'm going to bury you”.

He left. When he turned, his cape flew and almost hit me in the eyes. Tears finally started streaming down my face.

Chapter Text

Dipper Gleeful

When I returned to the tent, I went straight to the comforting stage, thinking of mother and how happy she'd be that I had finally found it.

I walked up the small set of stairs, dancing with the journal and holding a smile on my face, playing back the memory of how pathetic Pines looked as he handed me the book. "You're finally here".

I stared for a long time at that cover, trying to figure out why it said "3" and not "1", but I could do with that. I could do with the fact that there were more than two books, I could...

I could try being fine with it. My head couldn't stop asking itself: what if this isn't the last one? What if there are four? Or worse, what if there are infinite journals?

I went back to the mansion and straight to my office. I spent the whole night there, savoring every word of that incredible creation. All I needed now was journal number one, and then it would all make sense. At about four in the morning, I called for Will. He didn't take long to arrive (he never did), so that was also a relief.

"Master?" he began. The look on his face when he saw me reading was a bridge between relief and confusion. "Is that-"

"Yes," I replied. "It's journal number three".

"Three?"

"Yeah, bad news". He nodded. "He talks about you on this one too".

"Does he?" He came closer, looking at the pages himself. "What does it say?"

William leaned so he'd have a better view of my desk, seeing what the book said about him. "I must now reveal the name of my ‘Muse’. Beware Will. The most powerful and dangerous creature I've ever encountered. This nightmare in disguise will seduce you with never-ending flattery until he gets what he wants — and what he wants is the destruction of this reality. Whatever you do, never let him into your mind. There is no telling what damage Will might do. How many of my thoughts have been manipulated? Dreams corrupted. My right eye is so sore it bleeds on the page — the cost of letting him possess me. Has he possessed others? According to my research, his deceit can be detected. It is possible to follow the demon into a person's mind and prevent his chaos".

"WILL CAN'T BE TRUSTED! DO NOT SUMMON AT ALL COSTS!"

He moved away when he finished reading, holding his own hand.

"What do you think about that?"

"Well, you should tell me..." I told him. "And... What else can you tell me about the author?"

"He was smart. Not smarter than a demon but... smart". And that didn't say a lot. "Again, I don't remember how I killed him".

"Was he smarter than me?"

"No, Master. Who could be?"

"He's right about never-ending flattery..." I smirked. Will looked at me, bruises less dramatic than they looked some hours before. "So, tell me something else".

He started thinking about what to say.

"Many things happened, before I got stuck in that dimension. I am older than the universe itself, so nothing is really recent. Things I've done on this Earth, things I've done on other Earths... It is all too much to say".

"Can you talk about your brother?"

"No. He isn't important," he looked up, expression changing. "I destroyed that man's life someday, but I don't remember why. Dream Demons can't ever be trusted, we all share the same objective".

"And that is?"

"Destroying reality, like he said, and making everything ours".

"That is a good objective".

I had always known that Will was strong, and that he was able to kill anyone he wanted to. I just always wondered what he used to be like, before being stuck in the dimension his brother trapped him in. And he was always too scared to talk about it. He never said anything about that.

I wanted to know more. I wanted him to say more. I wanted to hear Will.

"Like a human, he trusted me. And it didn't go well for him".

"So I guess you didn't have a deal with him?"

"I did. It was just a deal I knew how to break".

I furrowed my eyebrows. "And... you don't know how to break ours?"

"I have ways," he said. "Ways to do many things".

“So when your brother shielded every existing enchantment that could bring you back... the only one he couldn't find was written in a human book, by some dumb human from this dimension?”

“Well, he wasn't exactly dumb, but yes. My brother never thought there would be a human depiction of me. He didn't know I had messed with humans".

"I don't know why, but I just could never accept that the author was human, someone just like me".

Will nodded.

"For the last time, do you remember his name?"

"I have absolutely no idea what his name was, Master. He might've been an extraordinary human, but he was nothing compared to what I was. I couldn't pay attention".

I told Will that he could leave me alone, and went to bed planning the next day. I woke up really early, with Mabel poking my cheeks and calling my name. I cannot yell at her, I reminded myself. But I wanted to scream because she was screwing up my sleep schedule.

Rubbing my eyes, I asked: "What do you want?"

"We have work to do, we're performing in the park".

What? Ugh, on a Monday? That had to be Stanford's idea.

"Why? People already know about our show”.

“It's our job, Dipper. Come on. We're rehearsing today too, get ready”.

“Mabel, what the hell?” I exclaimed, still half asleep. I just wanted her to leave my room. “Can't we do that another time? We rehearse every Tuesday. And do we have to go now?”

“YES, Dipper, come on! What else do you have to do? Stanford will punish you if you don't go”.

"Punish me". His punishments might have scared me when I was eleven, but they didn't when I was seventeen. Stanford was too stupid to realize that. “Tell him I'll kill him if he tries".

Mabel sighed, annoyed. “When will you two stop being so immature?”

I looked her in the eyes, serious. "When I see him in the ground”.

My sister rolled her eyes, rightfully not being interested in the rivalry between the two remaining members of her family. She got up from where she was sitting and left my bedroom, telling me to get ready quickly. 

When we went out, almost no one was outside, but we were noticed by everyone who was. Gravity Falls was too small for people not to know us, and everyone cherished us just like they should. We waved to everyone, talked to every child and mom and family who walked up to us, and performed our boring lives. After some minutes, I decided I could leave Mabel to do all that work. That was what she wanted anyway, so why not allow it?

I sat on a bench close to where she stood, performing magic with her beautiful hands and attracting everyone's eyes. I just wanted to be close to the journal again, to feel it heavy on my hand, to read those pages... I wondered if the author would like me, if he would like to tell me about his experiences, about his closeness to magic and magical creatures. I wondered if he would write about me in his book.

What generation of his family would be there at that moment, watching Mabel be powerful and beautiful? How close was I to him really? And was I ever going to know? Would that knowledge be shared still in my lifetime? I could not wait to find out.

“Dipper!” a voice called suddenly. It was Pacifica Southeast, the blonde-haired, really annoying girl who had come to the show and worn orange. I had noticed her there, on the front seat next to Gideon who had the book. When she raised her hand to participate in the trick I had to resist not choosing her, because we really needed someone who had no connections, no one to go home to. “Hi!" she spoke on that Monday. "It's me, Pacifica, but you probably knew that!”

“Yeah, I did know that". She smiled and sat next to me on the bench I was sitting on. She was too close, so I hoped she wouldn't touch me.

Looking at her, I tried to find Gideon's eyes. I tried to remember what he looked like on the night before, terrified and helpless. But they didn't look alike, so they definitely weren't siblings. I liked the way Pacifica's lips moved, and the way they were perfectly drawn on her face.

“I just wanted to apologize to you for leaving in such a hurry last night. Gideon ran home and I had to catch him, you know how it is!”

“Oh... sure, I know how it is”.

She laughed. And what an annoying laugh that was... “Okay, maybe you don't know how it is, because the person you have with you is Mabel, not someone like Gideon. I mean, I'm not saying Mabel is the only person you have! I mean! Is she? Not that I want to know, I just thought it'd be relevant for the topic that I... just created... I'm... sorry, I'm confused?”

I couldn't help but let out a small laugh myself.

“Okay, erm," she breathed deeply before continuing. “I just wanted to congratulate you on the show, since I couldn't do that last night. I actually liked it a lot. It was my first one and it was very impressive! Loved the part with the appearing birds!”

“Thank you, Pacifica. I'm glad you enjoyed last night's show”.

“Sure! You're really great, Dipper! And you talk fancy!”

I remained silent, waiting to see if she would continue, and if she was going to mention anything about Pines. But she didn’t seem to know. She looked too glad, and smiled too hard at someone who had threatened to kill her friend.

“I'm glad I already made friends in this town, Gravity Falls is a very great place!” She stretched her arm in my direction. She was expecting a handshake, I realized.

“Sorry, I don't like touching people I don't know”.

“What?” she laughed. I looked at her. I suddenly hated her so much, how she had laughed at that. “Wait, was that serious?”

“I am Dipper Gleeful, Pacifica," I replied. “There's no one more serious than me in this town”.

She laughed again. Her laugh was even worse than Mabel's. I just wanted to strangle her, for a million reasons.

She was worse, definitely, than Gideon Pines. Her face was more annoying and she was louder. At least Pines was quiet and seemingly careful, though simultaneously the most stupid person I had met. It was worse trying to stare at her, I was sure.

“I think you'd have to fight with Gideon for that one," she said. Gideon. I wondered if I had given him nightmares, and I hoped so. I hoped he couldn't forget the fear. I hoped that that would damage his feeble life forever.

“Do you know why he ran away last night?”

“Ah! He was scared of what you did to that Tad guy. That's why the show is thirteen plus! That body art was incredible, did you hire him?”

“No, he was a viewer. We have our ways. So how is Gideon now?”

“He's still very altered, I think. I don't think he's very brave!”

“Of course he isn't! What would make you think he is?”

She smiled. And then she saw that Mabel was there too, doing her thing with her people.

“Oh, are you busy? I could go if you want! Or I could stay? And watch you do your magic? Tell me, is it real? Gideon says magic isn't real, but I know it is! Is yours real or is it just tricks? 'Cause, I mean, tricks are pretty nice too, 'cause you have to work on them, it's not just being born with it, you know? So is yours real? It seems real! Can you make a chicken appear or something?”

I got up, I couldn't have her mouth at my ear level anymore. "Here you go, Pacifica". I moved my hands and made six birds fly out of it, all with the power of the amulet. She looked shocked, her eyes shining in delight. "I have to go now".

"Okay! You're the best, Mister Magic!" she got up, but thankfully she was slightly shorter than me. "See you soon?"

"Oh, sure. Tell Gideon I said hi".

What a waste of a beautiful face that girl was. She definitely was going to be my next kill. I watched her leave like she was skipping stones.

Chapter Text

Gideon Pines

The sight of the bloodied man wouldn't leave my head, and Dipper's words made everything much worse. I took ages to sleep, and on the next day, I could still see the man's sliced throat every time I closed my eyes. The perfect placement of the swords, the killer targets and pointing to where he wouldn't be able to scream. All so calculated. All so evil.

And I couldn't help but remember that I could've gotten my throat sliced just like he had. If I hadn't handed away the book, I would be dead.

Pacifica seemed happy, still. She didn't know anything. I felt happy about that, knowing that I cared more about her than I did myself.

“Don't make that face, it's ugly," a voice dragged me out of my thoughts. It wasn't her this time, she had gone out. It was Wendy, the girl who worked in the Mystery Shack. She had long ginger hair and her eyes were green like olives. Her ears were covered in piercings and she was always wearing black. Maybe she had a tattoo somewhere. No one could tell with all that long clothing.

"Sorry, I'm distracted," I replied. I was so focused on Sunday that it still felt like I was in the Tent of Telepathy, sitting in the front seat, watching those two being perfect...

“Yeah, no shit," she said sarcastically, continuing to paint her nails dark red. “Don't apologize either, it's annoying”.

I chuckled. Wendy was 20, and she was very... rebellious. She had almost gotten in legal trouble three times in the previous year, and had gotten her boyfriend, Robbie, in trouble many times too. I knew all that because Pacifica and I would sit down with her, and hear her talk and talk. She liked talking.

“Hey. Wendy, what do you think of the Gleeful Twins?”

“Dipper's an old friend, Mabel's a bitch," she looked me in the eye. “Can you believe that she stole my boyfriend and that he disappeared weeks after, saying he had left the country because ‘his love for Mabel was too much for him to handle’? Can't trust anyone here”.

“Hey, that sucks. And Dipper was your friend?”

“Well, still is, I think? We haven't hung out in a while, I guess”. Wendy was very scary. You just never knew what she might come up with, and that was one of those moments. “He got too famous, too busy, he's not really the gang type anymore”.

“What's the gang type like?”

“Not rich, not snobbish, not famous," she looked up, thinking. “Kinda misunderstood, I think. Funny, fun... Eh, like you, I guess”.

“Like me?”

“Yeah, except for the funny and fun part”. Oh. “Dipper used to be all of that, believe it or not. I mean, he was always rich, but not boring rich”.

And scary rich. Spine-chilling rich. And more. There were a lot of adjectives I could use to describe him.

“Hey, wanna get your mind off stuff?” Wendy asked me. “My friends and I are checking out this abandoned store in town tonight, we could bring you along”.

I was confused about what to say. The experience could be awful, or scary, but I knew Wendy was at least a little bit trustworthy. And I really wanted to get my mind off stuff.

But going out with older people to invade places didn't seem to fit me very much.

“Who's going?” I asked because I really didn't want to respond.

“My friends. Robbie, Tambry, Nate, Lee, and me. And you and Pacifica, if you guys say yes”.

Pacifica, out on the streets I was scared to go to. “But... isn't it dangerous?”

“Are you scared?” she smiled at me, throwing part of her hair to the side.

“I don't know, maybe?” I replied. “What if they find us and my aunt gets the fault? Anything could happen!”

She laughed.  “Come on, Pines. We've done worse and we're okay. And I'm not gonna involve Melody. Want me to lose my job?"

I imagined what a day with her, Mabel, and Dipper in the same room would feel like. I didn't want to know.

“Okay, look at the clock, work's done”. She got up even though her nails weren't finished. She flashed another unexpected smile at me, probably ironically, and went to the door. “I'll pick you up at nine. If you don't wanna come, it's alright. You have an hour to decide”.

And she left.

She left me behind to go up to the bedroom and sit down, thinking as usual. I tried hypnosis. I tried drawing the scene. I tried describing it to myself in the mirror. I tried screaming and I tried reading and I tried talking to Melody, but she wasn't home yet. I tried everything I could but couldn't take the scene out of my head before Pacifica came home. She came straight to the bedroom, soft steps up the stairs.

I adjusted my hair under my cap, because I might have ripped some out due to being desperate. By the time she opened the door, I was on the floor reading on my phone.

"Hey! I know I'm late!"

"Hey. Do you wanna go out with Wendy and her friends tonight?"

Pacifica thought about it for a second and then smiled wide. "Yeah!"

"Oh". That was quick. "Are you happy?"

"Yeah! I went to the park today, and guess who was there!"

"You spent the whole day at the park? With grass?"

"No, stupid," she shook her head. "I went to the park earlier today, but I went everywhere else in town too! I think I know everyone by now".

How could she? How could she love going out and socializing so much? I didn't understand. Whatever it was that Pacifica had, I didn't.

"Who was there? At the park?"

"Guess!"

"Was it..." The answer became obvious, and the name hurt to say. "Dipper Gleeful?"

Pacifica bit her lip with a smile, and nodded happily.

Oh no. No, no, no...

"And he talked to me, Gideon! Can you believe he talked to me? He is just so humble, such a nice guy..."

Such a nice killer, I couldn't take the previous night out of my head. "Pacifica. W-Why him? He's like... He's famous. He's not the best choice, you know that!"

"It's not a choice, Gideon," she replied. "Even if he's a bit odd, you are too. And he's the nicest guy in town. Everyone loves him. I learned a lot about him and Mabel through the people".

I thought about how I would tell her that Dipper wasn't, in any way, the "nicest guy in town". But I remembered his words. How he would "bury me". And Pacifica opened a big smile.

Dipper wasn't the first guy who had caught Pacifica's eyes but he surely was the worst.

And all the people in town. I couldn't believe that only I knew. It was right there in front of everyone's faces! Dipper was an insensitive and irrational man that she could not risk being close to, and he had killed a person in front of her. He could do anything, and had surely done a lot.

It wasn't because she was my friend, or because she was my only friend. It was because she was the best person in my life. Summers wouldn't make sense without Pacifica by my side. And with this boy that she now liked, my fear wasn't her getting only heartbroken.

But we didn't talk about it anymore, I was scared to. It was almost time to go out with Wendy and Pacifica dressed, once again, brighter than the occasion called. I didn't have high expectations but still hoped the evening would be more fun than the last one. When Wendy arrived, I was sweating more than I should have been. "My friends aren't gonna kill you, Gideon. Calm down".

But I didn't. Throughout the whole ride to the store, I sat nervously and just wanted to get that over with. Tambry made fun of my height, but said it was "friendly fun". I couldn't share how much that hurt me, and even if I could, nobody but Pacifica would care.

We opened the door to the store, and they all had fun while I watched. The only funny thing was how different the colors of my friend's outfits and Wendy's were. But I hated every second of being there. And when we sat in a big circle, they all smiled while I thought of the knife that could have killed me.

“Guys, please don't do this again," Wendy's boyfriend complained. He was sweating more than me, surprisingly. His green button-up shirt and tie reminded me of the man on the Gleeful stage, but I would really rather ignore that. “You know how Susan is, this is my third time missing work”.

His friend Nate laughed. Or maybe it was Lee? I couldn't really tell them apart. All I saw when I looked at them was the severed man.

Wendy pulled Robbie in for a hug, smiling wide like the others.

“Poor Robbie is worried about his jobbie," she started caressing his hair and I was wondering why they were making fun of him. Why they made fun of everything. “Relax, babe, I brought something for you. You can relax now”.

I thought she meant a present, but what she had was a cigarette. Wendy took it out of her pockets with a giggle.

“Thanks, Wendy, you're the fucking best," Lee/Nate laughed and stole the thing from her hand. Tambry (who had beautiful purple hair) laughed along them.

“That was for Robbie. But I brought some more”. She turned to her boyfriend, who was trying to calm down and smile at her. “Here you go”.

He thanked Wendy, and then lit up his cigarette to start smoking it. I knew they were of age but I couldn't believe I was there, in a group of people who were smoking. I turned to Pacifica to see what she was thinking, but her head was somewhere else. She was looking at the ceiling, smirking, and... probably singing inside her head. I just hoped the smell wouldn't bother her.

“I don't think we need to offer it to blondie, she looks relaxed already”. They all looked at Pacifica, who smiled. “Hey, Pacifica, what do you smoke?”

“Happiness, I think," she replied, laughing. And I knew what was coming next.

“Want one, Gideon?”

“No, thank you”.

“I see you've been very stressed, though," Wendy began, and everyone paid attention to what she was saying about me. I almost felt my face burn. “Like, you're not being able to concentrate, you're always thinking of something else”.

“Or someone else?” Tambry giggled.

“In any case, it does help”. Wendy sounded very serious about that. I wondered why she was offering to help, did she really care about me? “Just ask Robbie”.

The nervous working boy looked at me, his button-up shirt and his cigarette in hand. “It does, promise". And Wendy smiled at him. “You don't need to try if you don't want to, but it's one way to stop thinking about... unwanted stuff”.

I guess I was thinking about unwanted stuff. A lot. And with Robbie saying that and wearing his button-up shirt and tie at the same time, it made me want to try it, somehow. Just so I could forget.

“No, I'm only sixteen," I firmly stated. “But thank you”.

They accepted my answer, thankfully, and continued to talk among themselves. God, that was hard. Socializing, living with other people, especially with memories in your head. Pacifica stared at me and looking at her was the only comforting thing I knew how to do that evening. "How are you?" she mouthed towards me. "Fine," I replied. "You wanna go home?"

I answered no, because Wendy's friends were, despite everything, nice people. When they left me home, they acted well, saying:

“Take care, Pines. Punch what you're thinking of. Don't let it bother you too much, life's short”.

“But he's shorter," said Tambry. I giggled for her.

“I will, guys. Goodbye”.

“Bye, but hey!" Wendy called, surprising me. "Before you go... Are Dipper and Mabel causing you trouble?”

I stared at her, not sure how to reply.

“Dipper? Gleeful? Ohhh, he's so handsome, isn't he, Wendy? I just want to kiss that face non-stop! He's perfect...”

Wendy laughed. I was still thinking of what I would say, because I couldn't say anything, but I also didn't want to lose that opportunity.

Did Wendy know about what he did? How long had he been doing it?

“No, Wendy. It's okay”.

“Ok. Good," she replied. “You mentioned them this afternoon, so I thought... Well, better this way. I think I'll call Dipper tomorrow. See how he's doing”.

“That's a good idea”. It wasn't.

"Bye, kid".

I decided to take Wendy's advice, and imagined myself punching Dipper in the face. Of course that was never going to happen, but it still felt good to see myself like that, not powerless, actually capable of fighting back. Him suffering.

That thought was nice. Wendy was even nicer, although scary.

Pacifica slept as soon as we arrived, it was about midnight. I lay down trying to not think of that, and at that time, it was a little easier for me to sleep, trying to ban all the thoughts about him. I only thanked myself for not having smoked, because going to bed tired and with a good taste in my mouth made me happier than I had been in ages.

Chapter Text

Dipper Gleeful

I woke up feeling powerful once again. I paid no attention to which day of the week we were in, but I knew we were a month and a half away from something grand. Mother's death day was never a pleasant time for me. Mabel never showed much care for it, for some odd reason. It was like she believed Stanford could... replace her? It was like he had stolen her from us, like he was forcing her to submit to his meaningless acts, as a way for him to think more highly of himself.

I couldn't keep him off my head for too long. Laughable man, always trying to mess with me.

That day was doomed to be good, and I could sense that. Future vision didn't show me many sights, but more like feelings and... vibrations sometimes. It was more abstract on that day, as hot Summer days were always a little heavy on my powers.

I got a call first thing in the afternoon. After a whole morning of routine, I heard my phone ring, and it surprised me to read the name "Wendy" on the screen.

"Hello?"

"Yo, Dipper". It was really her. Her voice sounded the same as last time, but weird as well. It was the first time listening to her speak in a long, long time.

Shit, how could I have forgotten Wendy Valentino existed?

"Hey, Wendy...?"

Didn't she work... at the Mystery Shack? Right where Gideon lived? I wondered if that had anything to do with him, but mind reading wouldn't give me anything through the phone, so I couldn't be sure.

"What's the reason for this call?"

"Woooow, remember when you weren't this pompous?” and she laughed. "Just kidding, dude, how's it going?"

I shook my head, wanting to laugh at the way she spoke. "You were never one for casual conversation, Valentino. What's changed?"

"Man, seriously. Do you talk like that all the time now? Doesn't it get boring? You're all weird now, Dipper".

And she laughed. What did she expect me to do? Did she want me to act "casually", like I did three years before, before I even had William? How could I even return to that, to that Dipper that wasn't me?

"Did Pines make you call me?"

"Pines? What, why?" Why would she even help the guy anyway? "Thought we were friends, Gleeful Twin. Wake up, I called to talk with you a bit, catch up…”

“Catch up after what, three years?"

"Yeah?"

"Things have changed a lot, Wendy”.

“Yeah... you have. I mean, I'm still up for friendship if you are”.

I stood in silence. “Sure, we can start talking again. Whenever I'm not busy”.

“Hard for you not to be," she laughed. Wendy hadn't changed. She still sounded rebellious and emotional, always ready to fight authority whenever she felt like it. We had been great partners, when we still went out together. Wendy was strong, never letting herself be vulnerable to anyone.

"I have free time sometimes, you'd be surprised". I heard her chuckle. “This sudden connection doesn't have... amorous reasonings, does it?”

“What the hell, Dipper, of course not”. I nodded, relieved. “I have a boyfriend, and you're too young for me. And not my type”.

“So your type is not a handsome man who's destined for greatness and world dominance?”

“Nah, my type is... cute and smart. Good guy, you know? Someone who cares for me? Yeah, Robbie matches all that”.

I could hear the smile in her voice. Maybe I really wasn't her type.

“And why? Is your type not a dark and fun girl like me? What if I did have ‘romantic reasons’, or whatever you said?”

“Then I'd be torn between poisoning your drink or drowning you in a lake. Which would you like better?”

“Poison, anytime," I kept that in mind. “I see you're still obsessed with talking about death... I like that part of you. It's cool”.

I was "cool" to her. To most people I had threatened, I was "vile". I wonder which adjective Pines would use to describe me.

“I know someone who thinks you're her type though...”

"Another one? You haven't set me up with anyone for a long time…”

“You absolutely suck at this, Dipper. All of your past girlfriends moved out without even saying goodbye to me. You must be a terrible boyfriend!"

“What can I say, I was never their type either”.

“Sure. Well, you're seventeen right now, right?"

"Right".

"Gideon's friend, Pacifica. You know her?"

"I do".

"Head over heels for you".

"Really?"

"I mean, she sometimes just says things, but probably? She's cute though. She's happy, she's sweet. Opposites attract?"

"I don't know what you're insinuating..."

"Oh, come on, Gleeful!" Wendy exclaimed. I was afraid she could actually be serious. "Should really give her a chance. The girl's a sweetheart. You two could be good for each other".

"Wendy Valentino really is soft for love, huh? How didn't I know..."

"You did know, you douche," and she finished with a swear word. "Anyway, you wanna come here? Hang out for a bit?"

"Sure... Where are you?"

"Mystery Shack. Working. Just got here and I'm boooored". I laughed. "Come on, I miss hanging out".

As much as I didn't want to admit it, I missed hanging out too. I sometimes missed the time when I didn't have so much work to do.

The future vision wouldn't show me much, but yes, I decided to say yes to going to the Mystery Shack. It would be great to see Gideon, to know how much I had hurt him. And I could mess with Pacifica, now that I knew.

I warned only Will when I left because he was the most important person in that house before me. I was soon knocking on the wooden door of that very strange house, the Mystery Shack, and an adult woman opened it for me. I recognized her from somewhere, but I knew everyone. She was probably Melody Ramirez, one of the owners. I could see behind her that most of the shop was made of wood too. Melody recognized me back.

"It's the Gleeful Twin!" she smiled. When she spoke I remembered her voice, we had probably talked before. "Can I call you Dipper?"

"It's what people usually call me, Ma'am". I could see the enormous bookshelf behind her, and that was the main attraction in the whole place. "Is Wendy Valentino here?"

"Right there," she pointed to the right. I looked inside to see Wendy sitting behind a counter, looking up from her phone and at us. "Don't distract her too much, okay?"

"Okay. Can I come in?"

"Of course you can! The shop is open!"

I rubbed my shoes on the floor outside and finally entered the shack, looking at Wendy who waved at me.

"Gideon and Pacifica? Where are they?"

"I'm gonna call them! They're gonna love that a celebrity is here!" Melody Ramirez turned around and opened a door to wherever, looking at Wendy quickly. "Treat him well!"

That place was so strange. The paintings on the wall and artifacts on the tables were intriguing but tiring to look at... Even the carpet was annoyingly old, and I could see almost no blue. It was tragic.

Wendy didn't fit the place at all. Her outfit was mostly black and she looked way too alternative to work as a cashier at that bookstore. God, I even considered giving her money just so she wouldn't have to be there anymore. What a fucking existence, working for others and being in that same chair every day and afternoon without anything to do. She didn't look as miserable as she should.

"Treat me well," I began, walking towards her table. Wendy raised her hand up, waiting for me to slap it.

"True, forgot you're exclusive now". I rolled my eyes. She held my wrist and forced our hands into a high-five, just like I knew she would do. “Or did you just spend so long without cool friends like me that you forgot how friendship works?”

"Maybe both..."

"You look crazy, man. Those eyebags..."

"Thanks, you also look like you haven't slept in years". Wendy laughed in response. "At least you understand wearing pants in Summer".

"Always! Pacifica wears shorts even at night, I don't get it. But she wears those big coats..."

"I don't notice it".

"You will. So, you wanna go t-"

"Hi!" A voice interrupted her. It was Pacifica, the one we talked about. She and Gideon entered the room, and I could sense the energy of each of their reactions when they noticed that it was me.

They both looked so extremely funny. Pacifica held a smile and Gideon's face was just... too hilarious. I wanted to take a picture of it so I could look at it whenever I felt like laughing.

And Pacifica's heart was beating fast again. That time I knew why.

"'Sup, guys," said Wendy first. I smirked in Pacifica's direction, waiting for her to say anything else, but she was stuck there, staring. She really wore those exact clothes, blue shorts and a coat on top of a shirt that was more colorful than desired. At least she didn't wear orange that time.

I shifted my eyes to Gideon and read his mind. A lot was going on in there, and I had accomplished a goal: I had scared him away. But even if I didn't read minds, I would be able to notice it. The look in his eyes showed that he did not want to be near me. The way his mouth trembled showed that he was remembering everything I had said. And the way his hands were holding on to his stupid cap showed that he wanted to fight me, but knew he couldn't. He knew he was weak, he knew he was too weak for me. And he knew that I could destroy him.

It was so fun, I was entertained. The Gideon Show in the Mystery Shack was more interesting to me than The Gleeful Twins in the Tent of Telepathy. I wanted to give the whole thing a 5-star rating.

I turned back to Wendy, who tried to hide her smile as usual. I just wanted to laugh, but smiled so it'd be more acceptable. It probably looked convincing, as I was used to being polite to everyone in town.

"Hi, Pacifica," I tried using my most seductive voice. It made me squirm inside, but it probably worked. "Hello, Gideon".

I woke him up from his hopefully very damaging thoughts, and so he nodded his head, simply.

"Oh, hi, Dipper," he mumbled. We could barely hear him. "Why are you here?"

Pacifica didn't notice he was almost losing his own balance. She was still staring at me.

Now that was a good combination. One admiring me, the other being afraid. That was all I could have asked for.

“I came to visit Wendy," I replied. “And you two, of course”.

Pacifica walked forward. “Ughhh, you're so amazing!" she spoke as if she was complaining. I could just see Gideon's expression change, and how I wanted to agree with her, just to make him angry. "I mean, not amazing amazing. You're just so thoughtful and good to us and you make me smile. So maybe, yeah, amazing amazing. Like, I love watching you. But not in a weird way! You know what I mean... What am I even saying?"

Wendy interrupted, “wow Pacifica, keep your shirt on," and both she and I laughed at the girl.

“Oh no, that's not what I mean," Pacifica laughed and covered her own face. She was strange, but she got more recognizable with each second, and became more of a girl with a crush like all the others.

“But thoughtful he really is, Pacifica". That was definitely sarcasm. "I had never seen Dipper not be busy in over two years”.

“Yeah, I asked my butler Will if he could help me with stuff today".

"You have a butler. God. How's will? Is he good?"

"Sure. And he's the reason I'm free today".

“Will you be free tomorrow?”

“Wow, Pacifica," said Wendy.

I let go of a short chuckle, wanting to say yes. I wanted to mess with Gideon, and I wanted to say yes. But I couldn't. Stanford was the reason.

“Not tomorrow, sorry," I replied, trying to be as sweet as I could possibly pretend to be. “But there's a festival on Saturday, do you wanna come with me?”

Gravity Falls festivals were never my thing, always too crowded, and I wasn't planning on going. But right there? Seeing Gideon shake his head? Watching Pacifica's eyes glow up? Yeah, now I was going to that festival without a single hesitation.

"Yeah! Yeah, okay, I can go!"

"Perfect".

She was jumping inside, I could see. Wendy and Gideon were both probably uncomfortable with what was happening, but Wendy did wink at me. She didn't do that a lot.

“So you're not coming to my party I haven't invited you to yet tomorrow?”

"I can't," I replied. "Busy tomorrow". Not that I felt like going. Parties were also never my thing.

“Can we come?!” Pacifica yelled. Wendy laughed and nodded, "sure".

I couldn't imagine Pines going to a party. I tried to think of him in one, probably scared of everyone and everything.

And Pacifica, probably gullible and helpless like she was.

Pacifica Southeast. I didn't think I'd find another target that early in the summer, but she was now part of the game.

Chapter Text

Gideon Pines

I couldn’t hold any longer how much I absolutely despised Dipper Gleeful.

I hated Dipper Gleeful with every part of my being. Every single cell in my body wanted him to burn, every beat of my heart begged him to leave me and my friend alone.

Pacifica kept going on and on about their "date" on Saturday. Even hearing his name made me want to run away with her. Since I couldn't get him arrested, at least I could try making sure that Pacifica wouldn't stay close to him. That was my best shot. But how could I? I didn't own Pacifica. She was her own person and she didn't know. How would she know to stay away from him if he didn't do anything bad near her? All I wished was that I was a little bit stronger, so that I wouldn't be so ridiculously terrified of him.

Wendy invited me and Pacifica to go to a party at her house. They somehow convinced me to go, and I had to repeat over and over in my head: "Dipper's not going to be there..."

I could do it, it wasn't hard. I could face a stupid party. I wasn't even a fan of parties but on that evening I was a fan of everything except for Dipper Gleeful, that disgusting monster. Pacifica called me.

"Gideooooon, are you ready? You're taking longer than me and I'm wearing makeup".

"Give me half a minute".

I was ready to go, and she was right, I looked the same as I always did. My white hair under the same dumb cap, the same type of outfit, same shoes, it didn't matter.

Pacifica, on the other hand, cared a lot. She was wearing the brightest pink top and I could barely stand to look at it. Her hair was tied up high. With every step to Wendy's house, I'd notice a new detail about Pacifica's hair, about her shorts... It was neverending.

With every step, I also asked myself "what the fuck am I doing?" I didn't need to do all that. But this other side of my head kept repeating that it would be good for me, and this side was Pacifica, jumping and saying that she loved parties over and over again.

"What don't you love, Pacifica?" I joked. She looked up to the sky.

"Hm, bees?"

"You love bees, Pacifica".

“You're right, I do love bees!” she smiled wide. I imagined how nice it would be to live just like her: enamored by everything, and not terrified of everyone. “You know what else I like? Stars... Did you know that Dipper's birthmark is a constellation named ‘The Big Dipper’? And that's where he got his nickname from, so cute”.

But of course. Being enamored by everything also meant him. And that, I would never wish on myself.

“Birthmark? I could swear that was makeup”.

“No, dummy, it's a chosen mark”. I didn't even bother asking her what the hell that meant, but she started explaining it. “What are the odds of being born with a perfect constellation on your forehead? Dipper's soul probably came from another world, meant to gift the Earth with his magic. Probably why he's so perfect, sort of like an angel”.

Gosh, shut up, that was all I could think. Sure, I had to accept that Pacifica was completely unaware of what Dipper was really like, just like everyone else in that old town. I needed to understand that he was good at pretending, and that she wasn't going to stop talking about how much she loved him or how "gifted" he was. But that was so dumb. The Big Dipper wasn't even a constellation anyway...

“Do you think Mabel has a birthmark too?” I asked, pretending to care.

“Hm, I don't know, but I can ask him on our date!” and she smiled wider than ever. “Why's that? Are you... interested in her?”

I shook my head. I stared at Pacifica, completely incredulous, while she stared back in complete glee.

"You are, you are, you are!" she yelled while jumping up and down and holding my arm tight. God, there was so much I wanted her to stop doing.

“I'm not, Pacifica. I barely know her!" but she didn't seem to care or pay attention to what I said.

“Aw, that'd be so adorable! Me dating him and you dating her! It would be like, the new kids in Gravity Falls are the ones to get the hearts of Gleeful Twins, how nice does that sound? Does that mean we are the chosen ones?! Gideon, that makes so much sense!”

"No, Pacifica, it doesn't. There are no 'chosen ones', and they could never fall for normal people like us. We need to stay away from them," I wanted to say.

“Maybe I can... Maybe I can ask him if we can have a double date, the four of us?” Please, no. “I didn't get his number, shoot. But maybe Wendy has it? I can ask her for it! How does that sound, Gid?!”

I was speechless. Pacifica had turned my brain into a puddle of water, unable to control and project smart speech. I just kept staring, and she kept staring back.

It wasn't easy, dealing with that vengeance he had left inside me. All I wanted, and all I could think of, was that Dipper had to pay for what he'd done. All I wanted was for him to pay for breaking me like that, for thinking that he has a say in what I was and wasn't scared of. He did not have the right to get in my head and mess with everything around.

"No, Pacifica, I don't want a double date with the scariest guy I know and his weird sister who's probably as evil as him. You're out of your mind, you need to come to your senses and know he's never gonna love you or do any good for you, he's gonna be the end of you, Pacifica, please stop".

I couldn't say that, I couldn't say anything. What had he done to me?

“No," I whispered when my voice finally decided it would work again. Pacifica glared at me. “Please”.

“Why not?” she went.

“‘Cause I don't like her!”  I returned. “I've told you, she's like a superstar. I talked to her once, I've never even touched her”.

“Wow, boys really don't understand love," I rolled my eyes. “You don't need to touch someone to fall in love with them, stupid. You just need to know how nice they are, and how much they mean to you”.

“I really don't want to change the subject to Dipper, even when you just won't understand that I have no interest in Mabel”. That was partially true, but I did want to change the subject to him. “But why do you think he's normal? No offense”.

“Normal?” she giggled.

“Yeah, like, a normal guy. I don't know. A guy who... talks... laughs... cries... normal”.

“What? Are you saying Dipper doesn't... talk?”

She laughed. I had no idea what I was saying anymore. And I had no idea what else to say.

“I think I know who the normal guy between you two is”.

She smiled, just like it was a joke. I rolled my eyes again, probably.

“That's not... exactly... what I'm saying," I tried fixing it. “I'm saying, like…”

I was at a loss for words. Maybe I shouldn't have kept trying, maybe that was dumb.

“I mean, I've only seen him smile a few times, doesn't he seem like... a robot?”

Okay, that was definitely dumb and I needed to stop. Pacifica was falling in love with a zombie and there was nothing I could do... but I guess Pacifica did see the good in everything. And maybe I wasn't able to change that after all.

Maybe I just had to accept that.

"Gideon, you're crazy," she yelled. We arrived at the party, so our frustrating talk had to stop.

I was so angry. I wasn't even able to help her understand, I couldn't even try changing things.

I was helpless, I was out of the game of life, I had no control over anything, not even myself. And that did not feel right.

The party started horribly, and I feared it would stay that way. With every moment that passed I wanted to leave more, and I just wish Pacifica was there to mouth "do you want to go home". But she was dancing around, having fun like one should at a party like that. And Wendy was there too, obviously. I couldn't help but notice her necklace had a blue stone on it, just like the dumb collar Dipper wore around his neck. His was much bigger and much lighter though, and it sat in the middle of his tie and complemented his ridiculous blue costume. Mabel had one too, on top of her hair.

They had costumes, fucking costumes! They had blue petals, they had a blue butler. Why was everything about them so dramatic? Why did they look like they came out of a book? Why were they invading my mind when I should have been having fun that day? And why couldn't Wendy just wear her weird necklace without me having to be a creep about it?

“Why are you sitting there not doing anything?”

I looked up. Why was definitely the question... A black-haired girl with big oval glasses was staring at me, up and down. Her English didn't sound native.

I didn't respond right away. I looked to my left ironically, and I have no idea why.

“Me?”

“Yeah, you, loser. Where are you from?”

“I'm... I live in the Mystery Shack. I mean, for now. I actually live in California, but I'm here for the summer, so…”

“You talk too much”.

Wow. That girl was the worst. Her voice was cute but I really wish she wasn't saying anything.

“Okay, excuse me, princess”.

She rolled her eyes at me, folding her arms in front of her bright green dress.

“Are you stupid?”

“No, I'm not. Why?”

“Wanna kiss me or not?”

“What? Why would I?”

“This is a party?”

Was that an answer or a question? I was too confused to even try to understand. Was that what parties were really for? Maybe she was drunk or something, even if she didn't look a day past sixteen. She kept staring at me.

“Yes or no?” she asked, clearly getting sick of asking. I raised my eyebrows, looking around me. There was a lot of kissing happening in that house, and maybe that was what parties were for. I looked back at her, nodding.

At that moment, I thought: what the hell. Let's do this.

I jumped from where I was sitting and attacked the girl's mouth with all my force. I hoped I wasn't too sudden or brutal, but I just let my body take over. She tied her arms around my neck and drew me closer, pressing my chest against hers. It was my first kiss ever, and I was definitely recreating what I had seen on television. She didn't seem to be bothered by anything and neither did I. If my brain tried to be neurotic at that moment, if it tried to force me to pull away and stop kissing that stranger, I would have told it to shut up. And that was something I wish I could always do.

Her heels weren't tall, so she was the perfect height for me. I might have let her lead the kiss after the first five seconds, but that did not matter. Nothing did, really. I was ignoring my head, so everything was fine.

When we pulled away I saw Pacifica, from the dancefloor, looking at me and celebrating with her arms up. I stared back at the girl I had just kissed, and she stared back.

“Bye," she said. That didn't look like a romantic comedy scene at all.

“Wait," I stopped her before she could turn away. “I'm Gideon”.

“I'm Candy," she replied. And then she left. And wow, I just stood there.

She still sucked, though. And maybe kissing sucked too.

Chapter Text

Dipper Gleeful

I felt like that was an important day, so I knew what to do, as always.

“Hey, better be quick, you know how busy I am!” I heard Mabel say as she entered my room.

“You're still busy?!” I asked, coming to the door and opening it for her. Mabel walked towards my bed and sat on it, clearly angry.

“I have more work than you and you know that!”

“Really? But I haven’t killed anyone for you recently”. She laughed ironically. I got a chair and sat in front of her, preparing what I was going to say.

“When did you become so funny?” she asked with her beautiful ironic smile. “I have other work, idiot. Anyway, I don't want to talk about that”.

I smiled. I grabbed the box that was sitting under my table.

“We'll be 18 in a month... and before mother died, she gave me this. And told me to give it to you on your 18th birthday”. I handed her the box. “I guess you can put it in your closet or something, just make sure you don’t open it before the day”.

She opened her mouth, surprised.

“Wow. I didn't know you had one too”.

“One what?”

“Well, before she died, she gave me something too. And she told me to give it to you”.

I stared at her. “She did?”

“Yeah, and that's why I knew you were the favorite,” I rolled my eyes at her. She always said that. “Wow. The box is beautiful. It's like a cigarette box”.

“It really is,” I answered, but I couldn't take my mind off what mother had for me. I always thought Mabel’s box would be the last thing I’d ever have of her, but now…

Mabel grabbed her box, analyzing every part of it. I smiled at her, still with a slightly shocked expression.

“And where's mine?” I asked, needing to know.

“In my room, somewhere," she replied. “I’m not as organized as you, Mister”.

“I know”.

“But I’m only giving it to you on the day. Don’t even try”.

I groaned, needing to know what it was, needing to know the size, an idea of what was inside.

”I do admire you, sister”.

And of course I did. Her legs looked so good on that day. Her box looked nice inside her hands too, and I always loved the length of her nails.

Mabel looked at me with the most judgmental eyes and I was lucky she couldn't read minds like me. "What will you do today?" she asked me.

"Does it concern you?"

"Fuck you, you're ugly". Mabel got up from my bed and walked away, ready to leave. "Don't forget the Chess game today".

When Mabel left my room, I called Will. He didn't take long to arrive. As the incredible and macabrely attractive Dream Demon that he was, he entered the room. I held his right hand and asked what I had been meaning to ask. “Can you make me see memories?”

"Yes,” Will replied, with his hand still around mine. “We can see everything, Master”.

I smiled wide.

“I want to see a memory. Do it”.

“Which memory would that be?”

I could read his mind. He was anxious, so his head was available for me to enter.

“It doesn’t work like that,” he nodded. “Does it?” He didn’t need to know what memory I’d choose. That was just him trying to be the fucking protective butler he was.

“Master. Has this got to do with your dead parent?”

I used more strength on his hand, just as a warning.

“None of your business, William. Do it before I hurt you”.

“Master. Memories are strong. They are objects from the past, and most are meant to stay in the past, to preserve the head of the humans”. Will took his hand away and kept explaining. “The times I've used my memory powers on humans, it was for means of torture”.

I kept staring at him. God, how he underestimated me.

“And... they worked. The memories we chose made those humans go insane,” he stared deeply into my eyes, and that was not the first time I threatened to hurt him before he calmed me down. "So it's not easy. Not everyone can take it. No human has ever been okay with this”.

I chuckled, coming even closer to his face. Will's expression was so sad. He was always so sad.

“Will”.

He kept looking at me. And I saw in his mind that he thought I was going to stab him.

“My mother's death is not an issue to me”.

"Your head is sensitive, Mason".

"Will".

I couldn't read Will's mind, suddenly. His mood must have had changed. He looked down, shaking his head.

“I'm sorry, Master”.

“Just do it already”.

He bowed in front of me, and I held his hair with strength, bringing him up again.

“I'm glad you listen to me, you futile man”.

He smiled, trying to hold his tears back. He was so sentimental...

I followed his movements with my eyes, and he seemed to notice it. Will nodded, stepping away from me.

“I'm sorry, Master. Just look inside my eyes”.

I was bewildered. I stared at his face, half of it was covered by his eyepatch with some hair falling over it and he had a long cut which had probably been my fault. However, nothing happened, I saw nothing.

“What?”

“No, Master. Look inside both my eyes”.

His words shocked me. I didn't know William had two eyes.

I put my hands covered by dark gloves on the cloth that covered the left side of his face and I pulled it out, preparing myself to see one more blue iris on him. I imagined the way his eyelashes would look compared to the ones on the right side, his black pupil and another blue eyebrow. And above all, I imagined his two eyes crying together, forming gloomy tears which would slide across his cheeks, possibly reaching the ground. I imagined how beautiful that synchronized crying would be, especially if caused by me or my charming sister. I imagined that part of Will's body that I had never seen, along with all the others. I imagined his weeping again.

Nonetheless, I couldn't see any of the things I imagined. William had an enormous hole colored like the darkness on his face, just like the dead in horror movies. That pit on his skin, for some strange reason, matched his uncovered eye. And it appealed to me. The ghoulish attracted me. The lugubrious called my attention. The mournful teased me. William was a small piece of death. His skin, the more it was deceased, the more it was intriguing. His legs, the weaker they were, they were more irresistible. His arms, the more they were incapable of moving, the more they were perfect. And his face, the more damaged it was, the more it was seductive.

I observed his eye and his breach with great excitement. How did that happen to him?

Suddenly, I felt like a riot had just started inside my brain. I heard loud voices that seemed to be arguing. I knew it was because of the vision and trusted my instincts. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again, it was just like I hadn't: I couldn't see a thing. William wasn't in front of me anymore, and I couldn't feel the floor under my feet. All I could touch was the eyepatch that I was holding. And then the riot stopped.

I felt some droplets of water touch my head. Oh no, it couldn't rain now! I ran back inside the bakery and asked the woman if she had an umbrella I could borrow.

“Surely, my dear,” she replied, grabbing her purse and handing me a dark blue umbrella. “You can give it back tomorrow, but go home quickly! If it gets stronger, it won't be able to protect your cake! You chose a nice one!”

I smiled at her. Like I sometimes did.

“Thank you so much, Ma'am!”

“You polite little boy," she squeezed my cheeks. “Now leave, and be careful”.

"I will!" I shouted as I left through the front door. I held my birthday cake close to my chest and started my path to walk home. The August weather in Venice was always very unexpected, I just hoped it wouldn't rain on the next day, because that would ruin my and Mabel's party.

I went towards the direction I would always take, the short two streets that led to my house. There weren't many people on the streets, and there certainly weren't many cars. I could happily walk in the middle of the road with no problem, except, of course, the fear of getting the cake wet. But this memory, it wasn't a happy memory about a happy boy buying a happy cake. That was when it happened suddenly.

My head hurt. It was more than just a headache, I felt like my brain was being pressed down, as if there was a heavy force on top of it. I didn't know what it was, and tried to keep walking... I wanted help but there was no one out. I was alone. And I had to take the cake home, I had to.

I had to save our birthday party.

My head hurt more and more. I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry for mom and dad. No one would be able to come.

And if I kept walking in this direction, neither would I.

That was when I saw it. I saw myself, for the first time. Falling. Being hit. Bleeding. Drowning.

I saw and could even feel my lungs not working. I could see myself desperate for air, failing to get it, the blue around me. In my head, mother called for me. She screamed my name, holding me in her arms. Lifeless me wouldn't answer her, and Mabel had her eyes covered by dad. Death. Blood. Water. A hint of color in the air. Empty hearts, frozen brains, and I knew, for sure, that was not the last time I would experience that. I could see it more than once. I could see it.

I stood in the middle of the way, shocked. Brain pressing down, heart beating fast. I wanted to scream, get someone to help me. But I was just a kid. I dropped the cake, running desperately in the other direction, a way that would take me longer and longer to get home.

I ran. And I never stopped running. The rain got heavier and heavier, and I could still see. "It fucking hurts!" I swore for the first time. "Stop showing me this!"

But it didn't. My head still felt free from my control. Something that had never happened before was happening now, and it hurt. It hurt too much, and closing my eyes wouldn't help. I prayed for it to be a weird nightmare, but it was not.

What would happen soon, however, was.

There is a big gap in my memory. On that day, I felt like every second I was living was happening ahead of when it was supposed to. Everything was earlier, everything that was present for others was past for me. I could not control it. I could not understand what Mabel was screaming about. I could not hear about the accident in the news.

But I could see it. And it hurt.

It hurt way too much to see her like that.

“I don't want to see,” I thought with all my force. I didn’t want to ever see anything like that again, both like my death and hers, and from then on, my life was destroyed. Mother was dead and I would never see her again, and she died while thinking of me, she died because I didn’t.

I don't want to see again, Will. Save me, I don't want this anymore.

She didn't even say goodbye, why didn't she say goodbye? Why wasn't I home for her to say goodbye? Why was the accident too strong for her to survive?

There was so much rain. There was so much fault.

Why did you do that? Why did you see all that?

I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see.

I didn't wake up again on that day. Mabel canceled our show and Stanford heard about it. Will pretended like I had gotten a serious cold.

He could have woken me up. He could have used his powers on me. He could have abruptly stopped the curse.

But he decided to let me rest, unsure if I would ever open my eyes again. My heartbeat had stopped.

Chapter Text

Pacifica Southeast

Summer was always the best time of the year. It was when most sunny days happened, at least in California. It seemed like it was going to work the same way in Gravity Falls.

The sun shined through the triangular window of the Mystery Shack every morning, waking both me and Gideon up. And on that day, the sun meant more than what it usually did. The sun on that day meant the start of the day I’d go out with Dipper. The happiest day in town.

I woke up before Gideon and ran downstairs to get started on the amazing day I was going to have. The stairs in that place were beautiful, all made of beautiful materials... And the walls were beautiful too. The Mystery Shack was inexplicably incredible for a house made simply of wood in the middle of the forest. Every day felt like living in a nice house from childhood stories, or from one of the weird cartoon shows we used to watch as kids. Being so far away from the boring building I lived in back in California was the best.

Melody didn't go to work on that day. It was a holiday, apparently. I loved how quirky Gravity Falls was, and how they were so small they had their own holidays and festivals. I wondered what being there every day would be like.

“Mel!” I called out to her, who was, along with her tired eyes, walking around the kitchen looking for something to eat. “Is Gravity Falls this nice all year round?”

She smiled, sitting next to me at the table.

“I believe you'd like it here, love,” she replied, with a smile. “I mean, you do like everything”.

That wasn't the first time I heard that.

“I think you'd really love the Woodstick Festival. It's mostly for teenagers, full of music and love…”

“I do like music and love!” She smiled. “You’re all full of strange holidays, why is that?”

“Hm... I don't know, I wasn't born here. But Gideon's uncle says it's always been like this!” I hoped I could meet Jesus Ramirez someday, or as they called him, Soos Ramirez. "Gravity Falls is weird".

I suspected something was up. Melody was so fancy and so... married. I wanted to ask her more and more and more.

“Weird?” I silently laughed.

She smiled very wide.

“Some things are better unexplained, dear”.

"Unexplained". That reminded me of Gideon so much. Maybe Soos was exactly like him? Maybe they were both this mysterious type of guy, all focused on their own heads. That was nice to think about.

Gideon didn't take much longer to come downstairs. Melody and I had already finished eating, and she was reading the newspaper just like my mom did. He walked into the kitchen, eyes super red, hair super messy. I shot him a smile.

“Heeeeey, good morniiiing”. He could barely open his eyes to look at me. He just shook his head in my direction, going straight to the fridge. “Tired from the party still?”

“Yeah, of course. It was hard waking up from the party that happened three days ago,” he replied, grabbing a carton of milk and sitting next to us at the round table. Oh, how I loved my sweet best friend, always so tired and lost in reality.

“Hard, yeah? Were you dreaming about... you knooow”. Gideon glared at me with the angriest expression I had ever seen, and I lowered my voice “Heeeer?”

“Pacifica, shut up!” he replied, visibly embarrassed.

“Come ooon, Melody didn't even hear it!”

“Can you not?”

“I can't can not! Gideon, you kissed someone, how cute is that? She was really pretty and you kissed her!”

“It's not ‘cute’, Pacifica, I just did it ‘cause I was bored and the party sucked. And she was the worst, she wasn't even nice to me”.

“But you don't regret it, do you?”

“I mean, should I?” he asked. “Sure, she was terrible, it does seem ‘wasted’. But is the first kiss supposed to be with someone special or is that too dumb? Shouldn't I be thankful that the first time I had one was with someone awful, so it doesn't matter if I did a good job or not? Shouldn't it work like that?”

“You guys and the thought of ‘was I good?’, can you get out of your head just for once and let your heart feel things?” He stared at me, eyebrow up. “Does it matter if you did a good job or not? It's a kiss! It's a love thing! It's something special already, love affections shouldn't be something worth measuring, 'cause once it's measured, it loses its value”.

I wasn't expecting Gideon to get it. He was too much of a Gideon to understand. Head always full, heart always empty, he never even allowed himself to feel anything, probably thinking it would be weak of him or something.

I wished he would understand that hiding was the real weakness.

“Are you still going on that dumb date thing?” he asked after a while.

“Oh, Gideon,” I replied, smiling at him (as usual). He still stared at me emotionless (that's how he was). “Are you coming with us? Dipper said you can!”

“I know, you told me that last night,” he sighed. “I'm coming, but it's not because of Mabel. It's to keep my eyes on you”.

“Are you really jealous of me and Dipper?” I asked, touching his nose. He carefully pushed my hand away. “He's not gonna ‘steal me’ from you, you're my best friend!”

“I know, Pacifica," he replied, mysterious as always. “But we barely know this guy, we have no idea what he's capable of or what he wants with you”.

I didn't understand what Gideon could be scared of. But maybe it was okay to allow him to be jealous, and to let him keep his eyes on me and Dipper, at least just for one day. I did want him to focus on Mabel too, of course. But maybe I should let him take one step at a time.

If it would be better for his dumb logical brain to take care of my situation before anything else, then so be it. I only wanted the best for his dumb logical heart.

We left about an hour later. Dipper texted me the place and the exact time when we should arrive, and we did. His texting ways were strange. His slow and enigmatic tone was almost audible through his messages. Talking to him on the phone felt exactly like talking to him in real life, which had never happened with anyone else before. It was like magic. It was like he could be everywhere at once. It was like he knew exactly what to type at every single moment. It was like Dipper was different. From everyone. From absolutely everyone.

There was no one else like him. 

We arrived at the place. I had no idea what people were doing and I didn’t care. I only cared about one thing, and that was Dipper. Where was he? Where could he be? Would he arrive alone? Would Mabel come with him? Would I have to greet him with a smile, a hug, a handshake? If Mabel came with him, would I have to greet him before her? Or would that make everything obvious? But wouldn't it be okay to make everything obvious? It was a date after all, he knew I was there for him and only him, that's how it worked.

And why was I so worried? Was Gideon's weird doubtful brain messing with me and making me think too much too? I went back to feeling my stomach hurt more and more every time I thought about him. I went back to the purple air surrounding my heart and the missing bit of breath whenever "love" was mentioned. I went back to ignoring my head.

The people of Gravity Falls were nice to us. They greeted us with smiles and nice presentations on that day. The park was so extremely beautiful, I loved every part of its antique decoration and exquisite aura. All the outfits, all the animals, they were all part of that admirable place together. You could really feel the connection between the people, unlike everything I had ever experienced in California.

Maybe that was the real place for me. Maybe I hadn’t been born to be in a place with pretty but boring buildings for the rest of my life. Maybe I was born to live, grow, and die somewhere nicer, like in Gravity Falls. And maybe Dipper could help me stay there...

I saw him from afar. My heart started racing even more. Had he seen me? Would he see me? Would I have to wave at him or something? Did my outfit look okay? Why did he look that handsome all the time?

He turned to where I was standing, elegantly smiling at me.

“What do I do now, Gideon?!” I didn’t know why I had asked that. Gideon was the last person who could help someone with a date. He just kept staring at Dipper, just like me, and I didn't pay attention to his expression.

“Hello," Dipper said, walking closer to us. I smiled at him even more. “Mabel is around... Says she wants you to find her, Pines”.

I stared at Gideon, who looked shocked and didn't stop staring at Dipper. “F-Find her?” he replied, but asked. I held his arm.

“That's fun!” I said. He wouldn't take his big eyes off of Dipper. “I bet you can find her from the blue glitter her hair has!”

It was a joke, of course, but her hair did look shiny. Mabel was really beautiful. Being the female version of Dipper, she couldn't look any less perfect.

“But I... don't want to leave you two alone," he said. Dipper took my hand away from Gideon's arm, and held it tight.

“Pines…” he said. “Nothing can happen to a pair like us”.

Maybe that was my head, I don't know. Maybe none of that happened. Maybe my heavy breathing from having Dipper Gleeful hold my hand was messing with my understanding of reality. All I knew was that Dipper Gleeful held my hand. And his touch was perfect, not soft but not too hard.

“We'll meet up soon, Pines”. He was still speaking? How much had I missed? And he was still holding my hand? What had I done to deserve that whole thing? Did I deserve that much happiness? 

Gideon gave up after a while. I saw him leave, I saw Dipper's stunning blue eyes turning to me, and I saw a lot of stars as well. I couldn't really control my breathing, but I'm pretty sure I still looked good. I'm pretty sure Dipper could see the glitter on my face, and maybe even the funny earrings I was wearing.

At that point, I didn't care if he could see the "I love you" flying inside my brain. I was in love and I didn't want to hide it. I wanted him to know, I wanted him to be aware.

“Ready to go?”

“H-Hi! I forgot to say!” and he smiled a little more. His smile blinded me. “And yes! Of course!”

It had been a long time since I felt like that. The way Dipper made me feel... The way my mind went up whenever he stared into my eyes... The way my hands trembled whenever he touched his hair... that was singular. It was only him. 

The whole day was perfect. Dipper was not only much better than I expected him to be, he was also much more than what he showed to be. He was like that book with an incredible synopsis, and an even more incredible storyline. Full of surprises, of ways to enhance perfection. That was why you could never tell with him. You could never expect anything. It was always different, just like love.

I smiled at him.

He smiled back.

I blinked my eyes. He blinked his. And blinking didn't feel natural on that day. It was more meaningful.

I hoped he was reading my mind. Was that how it worked? Could he choose when to do it? Did it hurt him? Did he like it? Was magic all that incredible or was it... boring? Could he read all these questions in my head?

After some minutes, I asked him. “Does that taste good?”

We were both sitting on a small chair somewhere? in the park? It was easy to get lost in that old town.

Dipper took another sip of that... very orange drink I had bought. His expression was indecipherable. I think he was smiling?

He took his third and last small sip.

“Hm…” he began, looking down at the glass and probably hoping that was a real beverage. “No?”

“Yeah, it doesn't look great!” I laughed. He laughed together with me, perfect lips and perfect teeth. Not all perfectly lined up, but all matching his perfect face. He always looked down when he laughed, at least on that day, and he was exactly like a movie character. His speaking, his acting, he was all I had ever dreamt of.

Was he real? Could he be real? Better yet... was he possible? He didn't seem possible... None of that seemed possible. Dipper handed me my glass back, still smiling, and I put it down next to me. I wasn't going to drink that either.

I wondered what he was thinking. I was excited for all the mystery that was yet to come, for all I would find out about him. In general, he excited me. The thought of him, just existing, meant a lot to me.

And speaking of that, I thought I would ask:

“Hey, Dipper!” The way he reacted to his name was inexplicably beautiful. “About your birthmark…”

“Oh, this one?” Dipper held his hair up, making the beautiful marks more visible to me. “Yeah, the Big Dipper”.

“You got your nickname from that, right?” He nodded. “Does Mabel have one too?”

He shook his head no.

“No, just me. Do you like it?”

“No, Dipper, I love it. Please read my mind. Read that I love it. Read that I love you. Read that I love your eyes and that I want to spend the rest of my life looking inside them”.

“Yeah!” I actually replied, smiling wider and wider. “Hey, if it's not too invasive... Do you think that your powers... They come from…”

“From this? No, definitely not”.

“No, not exactly this! But like... from the stars? From the actual constellation?” He stared at me, no clear expression. “Couldn't that be a warning to the world, to let it know that your soul is now here, and that it's a special one? Couldn't it be a sign that something great lies in front of you?”

He stared back at me, and it was definitely a small but sweet smile. I hoped my face made my feelings obvious. With every second that passed, I hoped he knew, I hoped he noticed. He had to.

“Do you believe in souls, Pacifica?”

“I don't know. Do you?”

“Yes. I don't think I've ever told anyone this, Pacifica, but I do”.

"Wow".

“Everyone always expects me to be the rational thinker who only believes in what he can see, but they're the ones not making any logical sense”.

I wished he would talk more, explain more. He seemed to be good with words.

“I keep hearing that? I keep being told: Mason, you are this. If you say you are this, you are this. You cannot contradict yourself, but they're the ones contradicting themselves, okay? They're the ones who assume what they want from what I say and show, and they don't even try to put a little bit of logic into their thinking, and it's... so frustrating?”

He sounded just like Gideon. “I'm not sure I'm following”.

“Yeah, didn't think you would,” he replied. “You seem to be much less worried than me. That's interesting, I wish I could escape my head sometimes”.

I felt Dipper didn't have much control over his speaking on that day. I wondered if he was still sick, he did look sick. He had canceled his show for the first time ever, after all...

Something had definitely changed from the last time we had seen each other.

“I'm magical, Pacifica. Isn't that a good reason for me to believe in souls?”

“I guess being magical does prove that you don't need to see something to believe in it”.

“Exactly. Do you know how many times I have doubted my future vision, thinking I could just be pretending to have it, and not really seeing anything real?” I shook my head no. “Yeah, none. I have always known. I never once thought it could be untrue. Never”.

I nodded.

“I could always read logic, Pacifica". The way he said my name was perfect. “I was always this big self-aware machine with no doubts about anything. I can see ahead, even without the help from my future vision. And I know, I am sure, that souls are a thing”.

He sounded hopeful. Or better, he really did sound sure! He sounded as if he had heard from God himself, that souls were real. He sounded... exactly like he felt. He felt hopeful, he felt sure. And I wanted to know more about it. I wanted to see.

“The dead, Pacifica. They're here. Somewhere. They can see us”.

Could they? I wasn't sure. I was there, selfishly being glad he had the tendency to use my name in every sentence…

“They're not letting us go, Pacifica. All of them are here with us”.

“So you believe in life after death?”

He didn't reply. He stared at his left, breaking eye contact. He should relax and feel, I thought. But I could not control him. Just as I could not control Gideon. I couldn't change how Dipper's mind worked.

“Back to my birthmark, Pacifica”. He didn't look back into my eyes, he looked down and pulled his hair back once again. And only then, he tried staring at me. “Well, here's something... The Big Dipper is not really a constellation, as many people think. It is actually a small part of a really big constellation, named the Ursa Major. We call those fractions of constellations "asterisms". So the Big Dipper is one of those. Do you know what that means?”

"No," I shook my head to him.

“It means I may not be all. But I'm something. And I'm part of something great”.

“Would that something great be... magic?”

“Maybe even more”. I was intrigued. "The Big Dipper is not the whole thing, but its stars are the brightest in the whole constellation”.

He was bright. He was the brightest. And I could feel it, he knew he was the brightest. I wondered if Mabel was the other part of the Ursa Major, which, in its whole, was "The Gleeful Twins". I wondered if she knew that Dipper's stars burned brighter than hers. I wondered if she felt like a supporting character, being there to accompany a strong male character who would be the one to gain everything. I wondered how okay she would be with knowing all that.

Chapter Text

Mabel Gleeful

I wouldn't be able to explain to someone who didn't have a sibling what the feeling was like. I always thought of it as a "can't live with them, but can't live without them" situation.

But I could live without Dipper. He was there with me, making everything about him as always. Whenever we chose to sing in shows, he always asked to be the main voice. When we went out, he'd always decide where we'd go. And when we had to do a show every week to maintain our image in the town we lived in, he'd decide to die for a few hours, just like it was no big deal.

And on Tuesday, he asked to go out. He asked me to skip our practice to go to some trivial post-festival our irrelevant town was holding. Maybe he did all that to make me mad, to mess with me and to make me stressed. He made choices that wouldn't only hurt him, and he didn't seem to care about the last string of hope holding us together. I wished he knew that I knew, that I knew he was trying to piss everyone off. I wished he knew he wasn't as smart as he thought he was, and how much better my life would be if he just stood back. If he had never been born.

"Feeling better?"

"Do you care?"

And he treated me like that. And that was why Stanford always said yes to me and no to him.

“My little brother's heart stopped beating and my demon butler wasn't sure if he would wake up ever again," I pouted. Dipper rolled his eyes, not ever turning to face me when I spoke to him. “I'm not stupid enough to believe it was a cold”.

“Don't call me little brother”.

“Well, that's what you are,” he was staring at himself in the mirror and adjusting his stupid tie with his amulet on it. “You and Will always get in trouble when you're alone”.

“That I won't deny,” he smiled the most annoying smile. It was like he knew exactly how to be the worst. Like he knew exactly where the buttons were.

And we left home. My brother messaged the blonde girl for the exact location and time when we would meet, and we arrived there at eight. Pacifica was weird, she was too blonde, her name was too long. She sounded like an idiot, and Dipper didn't really match her well. But Dipper didn't match anyone. I looked at him and his terrible hair, and he always thought he was the only important person in the entire world, that others were just a waste of space. 

"Is this a joke?"

He turned to me, about ten meters away from the entrance of the festival. His eye bags were incredibly present. He looked pale as a ghost.

"Is what a joke?"

"This. All of this. I told you I like Gideon, and then he disappeared after our show. And now we're here. Are you doing something to him?"

I crossed my arms and stopped walking behind him. He stopped too, grunting. "I am, you know that," and he smiled and got close to my face, being disgusting as always. "What do you think I'm gonna do? Kill him?"

Dipper smiled even more at my lack of answer. Maybe he was as dumb as he was irritating.

"Maybe out of fear. Maybe... But why would I kill him? Why would I waste time doing that?"

What did he mean? Dipper would waste time killing anyone if he simply wanted to. "I'm not gonna waste my time answering that," I responded. He held my arm softly and smiled, completely sarcastically. I pushed him. "Why do you want to see him then?"

"I'm here, Mabel," he smiled and lowered his volume. "Just for Pacifica".

"Just for her?" And he nodded, continuing to walk. "Sure. Then, let me have Gideon for the day".

Dipper stopped walking again and he turned to face me. His usual self would laugh, make fun of my idea. But reborn Dipper was even worse, and he considered his sister's words.

"Okay," he said, a million ideas probably running through his mind. "You and him and me and her. For today".

"We can meet up in the end. The four of us".

"Why not?" he said. Reborn Dipper was also more annoying. And looking like he hadn't slept in days wasn't helping me find him less terrible.

I still didn't know what he and Will had done. I usually found out about the messes the two of them did, the fights and the inconvenient breaking of glass in the offices. But nothing I could think of could explain why and how my brother's body had shut down in the middle of a normal day, after I had just seen him. And it wasn't my fault.

I tried to ignore it. I wished I could read minds. "Tell Gideon to find me, ok?"

My brother nodded, and I turned away to look for a place to go with my knowledge of every single location in that town.

He came to mind. I wondered what Gideon's house looked like, and if he had always lived there. What did he do on his average days, and would he ever consider staying in Gravity Falls? Forever, perhaps? It didn't take long for him to arrive. Not surprisingly, he didn't hesitate to leave Dipper behind and come search for me. I arranged my tie, brushed my hair with my hands, and hid behind a wooden door.

“Gideooon,” my heart wanted to say. But I didn't. I had a little surprise for him, and calling his name would ruin it. I looked behind the wood and saw him, confused, looking around. He probably had no idea where he was, but with Gideon, you could never tell. He always looked so... smart. His eyes seemed tired and lost at the exact same time, and that was part of why he was so appealing. His blue eyes, although less striking than mine and Dipper's, were so attractive. His round face, soft lips, small nose, they all worked towards the sense of perfect I got from him. Dipper liked to compliment himself on his high cheekbones and "flawless bone structure", but Gideon was more enticing. Gideon was more. Gideon was... indeed... flawless.

I saw him grab onto his cap, like he was afraid of something. Maybe he didn't like being surrounded by people... so adorable... Or maybe he needed me to find him before he could find me. Maybe all that fear was just him playing pretend. Maybe he wanted me to notice, maybe he knew I was looking. Maybe he was as smart as me. Or... almost as smart as me. Maybe he wanted to be found.

And just as I had read somewhere... if he wants to be found, he will find you. Gideon saw me posing against the wooden door, and I immediately waved at him, slowly and casually. He seemed happy to see me, although he did not smile. He raced towards where I was, running from the hundreds of people around him, with no clear expression on his face. But I knew, I just knew, he was delighted to be with me.

“Hey, Mabel,” he said... his voice as sweet as the first time we had spoken... “C-Can I call you that?”

My heart almost jumped out of my mouth. He was... surely... perfect... and so sweet... and so polite... and so not evil... 

I calmed myself down. That was something I could do.

“Of course, Gideon,” I smiled at him, and he smiled back, running his hands through his hair underneath his cap. “Can I call you that?”

He let out a small laugh, looking down as if he wanted to hide his glee. I laughed too, hoping that would make him less nervous than he was. "It's the only name I have,” he said. 

I got out of where I was, guiding Gideon through the oceans of people. I dodged everyone who tried to take pictures or ask for my autograph, with a nice smile and a soft pull of Gideon's hand, so he would follow me. I was sure he was enjoying it, escaping from people like that. I felt like I was learning a bit about him every second we spent together... 

I wanted to ask him. What he thought of me. What he thought of Dipper. What he thought of himself. What he thought of us. If he thought of me. If he loved me. If he thought of loving me. It wasn't too early, was it? Was there a "too early" in love? When one of us died, wouldn't the other long for the moment we spent together, wishing they could have had a day or even five seconds more? So why not start early? Why not enjoy it before it's over? Why wait? Why did I have to wait to tell him I loved him? Why couldn't I just know I loved him on the first date? Who was stopping me? Who was stopping my heart?

Maybe Dipper was. Maybe father was. Maybe both of them had been made to destroy my life. I couldn’t blame mother, but if father hadn't left, maybe then... I would have known even more. About how to love. And I would know how others loved.

Maybe then. I would know what to say to Gideon. I would know what to ask him. But... I didn't.

“Gideon”.

I stopped walking. My head was suddenly angry again. Angry at those men. I couldn't be angry in front of him, I didn't want to see him afraid. So I calmed myself down.

“What's he like? Your father?”

Gideon let go of my hand, walking a little bit so he wouldn't be behind me anymore. He faced the floor for some reason. And he spoke.

“Erm, he's like…” he hesitated, as if he wasn't sure what to say. “I don't know how to explain, my dad's complicated”.

Fathers. Complicated.

“Complicated how?” I allowed myself to ask. He surely wouldn't be bothered.

“I don't know how to explain it, sorry”. His cheeks went pink, and his entire face frowned together with his eyebrows. Gideon worked in such an... extraordinary way. He was so normal. But so different. I definitely wanted him in my life.

I definitely loved him.

“He works. He doesn't spend much time around me. I think that's all”.

“Are you uncomfortable?” I spoke. “Talking about your father?”

“Yeah, I guess, kinda,” he admitted. “I think it's... weird that you asked that, it's strange to say that to someone I just met, no offense!”

He got flustered. “We just met, my little Gideon, but our souls have known each other for ages!” I wanted him to know. I wanted him to be absolutely sure that he could count on me for anything. And that I was always going to be there there for him. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” I walked one step towards him, seeing his face become slightly more pink. He was happy for sure. Happy and a bit embarrassed. He probably loved me. Hell, he would love me soon! There was no way I was wrong. “About your father, about you, anything”.

He let out a small laugh, and I'm not sure what it meant. I just smiled wider and hoped he would widen his smile too. But he wasn't really looking at me. He was acting all adorably, slightly not sure what to do or say.

I would protect him from the world. If anyone wanted to hurt a hair on Gideon Pines' beautiful hair, I would destroy them.

He smiled. "Thanks, Mabel," he said. "No problem!" I replied. "I'm not sure what to say," he said. "Neither am I," I replied. It followed like this. We walked together, he walked beside me, I smiled at him, he smiled at me. I had so much to say, so much to ask.

“Would you ever... take part in the Gleeful show, Gideon?”

He stopped for a moment. For the first time on that day, I saw true fear in his eyes. His mouth trembled for a second, and I could swear I felt the cold coming from his skin.

“W- What?” he asked. “D-Do you... and Dipper…”

Why did Dipper have to come into the conversation again? What had he done, shown, or said to Gideon that would make him flinch at the thought of the Gleeful show? What else was he trying to ruin?

“Dipper? Did he... do anything?”

He didn't answer. Gideon opened and closed his mouth several times. Ugh, if he had done anything to Gideon... he didn't need to be so jealous of me.

He didn't know what to say. Oh Gosh, he didn't know what to say?

“Are... Are you…”

I wasn't sure what he was trying to express. I wasn't sure what I should do to help him. I just kept staring at him like there was no one around. I just kept letting him know, through my staring, that I was there for him. No matter what.

“M-Mabel, is... is your magic... real?”

“Gideon Pines,” my voice echoed. He didn't know how to react, I noticed. “Yes, it is real”.

He closed his eyes for a second, and walked one step behind. I also noticed his hand going straight towards his cap. Again. He was nervous.

“And you... and Dipper…”

“No,” I interrupted. Dipper and I didn't have anything except the show. None of our objectives were equal, none. We were not made for the same universe.

“No?” he silently asked.

“No,” I replied. “Whatever the question is, the answer is no. I don't live the same life as my brother. I am not aware of what he does and he is not aware of what I do”.

He remained silent, for a while.

“B-But,” he continued. He tried to speak, but it just didn't work. There was too much on his head. “Sorry, Mabel. I don't know if I can say what I want to say”.

He sounded as if he was going to cry. I also noticed him looking around. I tilted my head to the right, smiling.

I wanted him to trust me. I wanted him to know he could trust me. I wanted him to know.

But he did not know. At least not at that time, not at that moment. I couldn't read minds, I didn't need that stupid ability Dipper had. But I could tell he did not know any of the things I wanted him to know.

“It's okay,” I told him. “It’s okay”.

He stared at me. Eyes as big and blue as the sky on that extraordinary summer day. And he said:

“Thank you, Mabel”.

And I shook my head. I smiled at him and shook my head yes. "No problem," I told him once more. There was no problem indeed. All was okay. He was there, I was there. Everything was fine, just like I told him.

I loved Gideon.

Oh, how I loved Gideon.

I levitated him, I raised him so his head would be at the same level as mine. Gideon wasn't the tallest guy in Gravity Falls, for sure. He seemed scared, he tried to move but felt weird about the pressure of my magic, so he stopped trying. He stared at me and I could tell people around were staring too.

I wasn't even thinking about Dipper and the blonde anymore. All I could think of was him. 

“M-Mabel. Your magic is real”.

The way he said my name...

“And it's incredible. And it doesn't hurt. Being here, levitated by you… It doesn't hurt. But it scares me. And I am... not sure whether you know why... it scares me. But I…” he continued. “I feel like you connected with me somehow. And you know, I think…”

He knew that I knew. I just didn't know what Dipper had done. And that drove me insane. 

“But if you... if you know…”

The aura of my magic around him kept spinning and spinning, going from navy blue to medium blue. And that was what my mind looked like. At that moment.

“If you know then please have mercy on me,” he continued, and he wouldn’t stop. “Mabel, I'm supposed to be super brave and smart”.

He kept saying.

“And I'm not being smart right now, because doing this might kill me. Saying all this might kill me”.

Kill him? What had Dipper said?

My mind spun and spun.

“But please, if you're not like him. Have mercy on me”.

How could he, the one who was supposed to love and work by my side, betray me like that? How could he cause that pure boy to be scared of me, because he feared I could be like the stupid boy who I was compared to by so many people?

Mother was wrong. For preferring Dipper. Mother must have been super stupid too. Maybe it was the magic.

I put Gideon down. The magic amulet on my headband stopped glowing, but it kept shining. He smiled, and I could see his small smile. And I wanted to apologize.

That bastard.

“Gideon. I am here for you”.

He teared up. I saw that small tear. “Awn, my sweetie. Don't cry”.

“Please,” he started. “D-Don't tell him”.

His voice almost didn't come out. Gideon was crying. He had hiccups from crying so hard. The boy couldn't move, he couldn't speak. He was opening that up for me, crying.

I felt special. I felt like he thought I was special. I felt love. Even more love. I felt hate for Dipper.

Gideon suddenly hid his face on my shoulders, and I wrapped my arms around him.

And I swore I'd fight for him. I swore I'd protect him. I'd protect him from the monster that Dipper Gleeful was.

Chapter Text

Gideon Pines

Walk around the room. One. Two. Three. Four. Now sit on your bed. Now look up. Now stand up again, walk around the room once more. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Count again, try to calm down.

Try to ignore, try to forget.

How could you forget though? How could you forget being so ridiculously dumb?

That's it, Gideon, you're dead. I wanted to stay hopeful but there's no way you're not super dead. Oh well, it was a good life, I guess. Pacifica was good. Books were good. School was kinda good. Yeah, some things were nice. You're too young to die but it happens. It happens a lot.

Okay, calm yourself, Gideon. You don't want to die just yet. You can relax before he kills you.

But yeah. It was over.

I didn't sleep. I don't think I knew what sleep was anymore. I think my head was just accepting death by now. And well, life ends, life ends for everybody. You didn't think you were going to be immortal, did you? Mabel messaged me but I couldn't force myself to look at my phone. Why had I even given her my number? Why had I believed she was actually trustworthy? Was she? Could she not be? Could someone related to Dipper Gleeful actually be a good person? Did she mean it? About protecting me from him? About not telling? About not being part of some cruel plan? Why had I told her? Why had I felt like trusting her? I didn't even know her... I kept telling Pacifica about how we barely knew them, and yet, I did the same as she did.

I did the same. I was as reckless and irrational as I accused her of being.

Just like her. Exactly like her. Ugh.

"Feel better?" the message said when I finally let it voice itself. Better? I felt like all my organs were fighting for which could tremble the most. How's that for better?

He was disgusting. But smart. He could find out. He could actually kill me. It wasn't a joke. I could actually be killed.

And I, I told her. She killed that guy on stage too. She killed too.

Mabel killed too, you idiot. She killed too.

"Yes," I replied, losing hope in my life. And yes, it was going to happen. I could feel it. I was ready for it.

I guess that was the main thing. Being ready. Death sounds scary because no one actually prepares for it. No one sets their mindset to "okay, we are going to die". Death is sudden. Death is something that happens. To someone, to anyone. At any time. No one is ever ready for how or who it's going to be and that was the problem. If we could all know, somehow, maybe it would be easier. Maybe that one week before your death could be the best one of your whole life. You would be ready, you would be aware. Doesn't that solve the problem of death?

“Hey!”

She smiled. Yeah. Maybe the thing about death was not being unprepared. But leaving people behind. Leaving unprepared people behind.

“You have NO IDEA what Clucks just found”

Pacifica. Maybe the reason I had been born was to protect her. To love her. To know her as the most amazing girl alive. Maybe that would make death complicated for me.

How would she feel? If I died, what would she think? Dying would suck for me, of course, but what about her? She'd be the one left behind. She'd be the one without her best friend. She'd be the one to miss me.

Maybe that was the thing about death. Hurting others.

That was definitely the thing.

“What did it find?”

“She's a she, Gideon. Please respect her pronouns”.

I rolled my eyes, apologizing. Was that her new obsession? A chicken?

“What did she find, Pacifica?” I asked again, respecting Clucks' (or whatever her name was?) pronouns.

“This!” she handed me the item her chicken had found. It was a pink crystal, of small size. I had no idea what it was, but it looked like a regular stone? What was Pacifica's imagination creating this time?

“A rock?” I questioned. She opened her eyes and mouth wide, as if I had just committed a crime. “What?”

“How can you call Clucks' incredible finding "rock"?” she asked, again as if it was a crime. “Gideon! Wake up!”

I stood there, staring at her with my eyebrows raised. The chicken made a weird noise outside, and Pacifica turned to our window, saying "aw".

“Wake up to what? What are you saying?”

“Gideon! This is the dumb smart thing Dipper lent me, remember? I showed you yesterday”.

Oh, of course. I didn't remember but sure, of course. The man who would kill me, right. He handed you a weird stone that I could not call rock, as I was opening up about my trauma to The Man Who Would Kill Me's sister. Of course! How could I forget or completely suppress that memory? How could I?

“He said I could spend some time with it, and then he would come here to get it back... and you know what that means…”

I did not. I never knew anything that Pacifica said I knew what meant. I never knew anything Pacifica said. That was the truth. I didn’t know if Pacifica even knew what she knew. I asked.

“You really don't know anything about romance, do you? That was obviously an excuse to get a second date, dummie!”

Second date? With him? It wasn't over? Oh no.

“He goes on a date with you, lets you borrow something... he says he'll meet you again to grab the thing back, boom, second date,” and she smiled. As always, she beautifully smiled. “It's part of romancing, Gid”.

Maybe romancing was not for me. So many rules... I wonder if Dipper had intended all that or if Pacifica was just making rules up. Wasn't she the one who said love didn't have rules? Or something about it not being measured... I don't know. She talks about things I don't understand quite often.

“So I lost the dumb smart thing in like, two seconds, hehe. But Clucks,” and then she started screaming the next part “AS THE BEAUTIFUL INTELLIGENT CHICKEN SHE IS, found it!”

I covered my ears, and also laughed a bit. I forced it but at least I laughed. Pacifica laughed back, probably truthfully.

“Sorry, I wanted her to hear me,” she apologised. I nodded, saying it was fine. “And now, as the best chicken mother that I am, I'm going to play with her. You keep doing your walking around the room”.

“Play with her again?” that was a thing she did a lot. Maybe too much, even. “Pacifica, what are you gonna do when we go back? We're not here forever, you know”.

She blinked, turning back to where I was. I didn't want to hurt her. I never did. But I wanted her to be more logical sometimes. And getting attached to an animal she would have to abandon didn't sound like the most logical idea...

“Duh,” she said. “She's obviously coming with me, stupid”.

She's... what?

“Pacifica. Please. Let's think about this. A chicken. On a bus. Going with you to Piedmont, California. In a building”.

She smiled.

“Seems right!”

I didn't even know what to say. Maybe she would change her mind when I died. We would have to wait and see.

“Pacifica, I don't want to be annoying. But please, summer doesn't last forever. You're going to have to leave her”.

She shook her head no.

“Never. I am never leaving that chicken, you hear me. Never”.

She left the bedroom after saying that with the deepest voice she could do. Ignoring problems, a very Pacifica move. Or maybe her head really thought it was possible for her to take the chicken home? Oh, how aunt Melody would react after being told she'd have to take care of a chicken for us... How did Dipper even get her a chicken anyway? And why? Was there a camera in it or something dumb like that?

I didn't care anymore. I was seriously ready. Nothing could scare me. I was convinced the end was near, not many things mattered anymore. I didn't care about what to eat, how many glasses of water to drink, how many showers to take. Being ready to die brought me one of the most relaxed days of my life. On that day, I knew nothing. I didn't know hunger. I didn't know sleep. I didn't know music, I didn't know future, and better yet, I didn't know fear.

But I would. Oh, how I would.

The doorbell rang. It was almost night, Melody wasn't home. Wendy was working. The shop was open. I walked towards the door.

How the fear returned when I saw his blue eyes stare at me as I opened the back door. Oh, how I felt it all come back.

Maybe Dipper was Death. Maybe he was Death himself.

“Pines?”

“D-D-Dipper?”

I didn't want to sound stupid. I didn't want to die. I knew I would die but I didn't want to die. I didn't want Dipper to kill me, though I knew he would. I didn't want to be scared of him, not anymore. I didn't want to leave Pacifica behind, and I didn't want him to be left behind with her.

Maybe I wanted him to die?

“Hey, is Pacifica here?”

Pacifica, he said the forbidden word.

“P-Pacifica? Yeah, she's here,” I didn't move, and his face went from completely dull to slightly amused. He smiled. And how I hated that smile.

“Can I see her?” he asked politely, properly smiling... wide... like he was making fun of me... “Well, of course I can, let me see her”.

“I'll call for her,” and I just ran. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to reply. I ran for Pacifica. She was in our bedroom grabbing something to take to her chicken, probably. I called her name. “Pacifica!”

“Hey!”

Pacifica got up, holding the chicken like it was a baby, somehow.

“What's the matter?”

“The matter?” I asked, making sure that my face didn't show fear. “There's no matter, it's all good, all great”.

I did my best to force the strangest laugh I had ever done. Pacifica rose one eyebrow.

“Then... what is it? Why are you so sweaty?”

“Probably the testosterone,” I lied. “Erm, Dipper's here. He's... at the door”.

“He is?” she did that one little jump she always did when excited. “Come on, Clucks, come see your dad!”

“Dad?” I questioned, trying to cool down my head and following her down the stairs. “That's really weird, Pacifica”.

“I know!”

We reached the first floor and Dipper was standing there. Arms crossed, expression terrifying as usual, blue clothes. Pacifica walked excitedly towards the door, and I didn't even know if I was supposed to be there anymore.

If Dipper really had romantic intentions with Pacifica, would that make me less likely to die? Or more? And would he be mad if I stayed there with them? Would he even stay there or would he just get his stone? 

Why was he so evil? What had caused him to be that evil? Was all of that just a very long dream in my head?

“Hello,” he said. I don't know what Pacifica was thinking, I never knew, but I could almost hear her heart beating. She just looked so bright. And I just wished she could always look and feel that happy.

“Hi, Dipper!” she smiled at him and he smiled back. “Look at her!”

Pacifica held her chicken up so Dipper could look at it. He laughed, and she giggled. I could not believe I was watching the two of them. I could not believe I was standing next to Pacifica and Dipper Gleeful, laughing together, and that they both didn't care.

“Oh, her?” he asked. “I thought I had made a boy?”

“Imperfect magic!” she joked, and he laughed in response. An actor as good as him wouldn't break character in any circumstance. He would keep pretending to be good. He would keep laughing with Pacifica. He would keep being like that, but pretend he was something else.

And like I had said before, he could fool everyone. But not me.

“I came here to invite you two to an event in the Tent of Telepathy,” he smiled. “This Friday, the Gleeful Summerween party. No one ever misses one”.

He winked at her. Summerween party? What the hell did that mean? The Gleeful Twins had parties?

“Summerween?” said Pacifica. “Melody mentioned that! It's like Halloween, right?”

“Yes,” he nodded. “Summerween is exactly like Halloween, only during summer... Gravity Falls is the only town with this holiday…”

Gravity Falls was dumb. Full of dumber holidays. Summerween? Why would people need a second Halloween before the real Halloween? Who was the stupid guy who made this town? Seriously?

“Gravity Falls, I love you,” Pacifica looked up, and Dipper giggled at her. “So there's dressing up and trick or treating, everything?”

“Yeah. Dressing up is mandatory if you want to join the Gleeful Summerween party,” he replied. “If you don't you can go celebrate somewhere else. And miss the greatest party in town”.

That was getting to Pacifica's head, I knew that. He knew she loved parties. Maybe she had told him. Maybe Wendy had told him. Maybe he had read her mind or whatever? Was that power true too? All I knew was Pacifica would say yes to him.

“Dipper, do you have any idea who you're talking to?” she asked with an ironic voice, wrapping her hands around my shoulders and pulling me close to them. Oh no, get me out of here. “Back in California, Gideon and I were known as the kings of trick and treating. There's no beating our costume talent!”

He smiled, staring at me. Was he waiting for me to say something? Was she waiting for me to say something? Did I have to say something? Or was he just being cynical? That wouldn't surprise me, he was bad. But as Pacifica held me tighter, and he looked into my eyes with more and more energy, I got more speechless with every second.

“That's great. You two will make a great addition to the party then. So I'll see you there?” he stared back at my best friend. She nodded cheerfully.

“Of course! And oh, I almost forgot! Here you go”.

She put her hands in her pocket and pulled out the stone he had lent her. Yes, her "second date" idea was right, after all. He got it from her hand, smiling and thanking her.

“My height altering crystal,” he chuckled. “One day I might find good use for this”.

Pacifica smiled.

“I have no idea what you're talking about”.

What? Height altering crystal? Where had I heard about that before? I stared at Dipper's hand to try to take a look. The crystal was pink, slightly transparent, and it didn't look like a regular stone anymore... I recognized it somehow... maybe it was part of the Gleeful show.

“Well, I should go,” and he took a long stare at me. “See you on Friday, Pacifica. And Gideon. It's at nine”.

“Okay! Bye, Dipper!” she said, finally closing the door on him. I didn't know what else to say or think at that moment. Too many things happened whenever he was around. Pacifica looked me right in the eyes. “He said my name first!”

At least he hadn't done anything to her. And I would fight for her, if needed.

“So what do you think?” her beautiful braces showed up again. “An even nicer costume duo than last year?”

“I don't think we can ever beat last year,” she agreed. “And costumes again? We're sixteen”.

“And it's Summerween. It happens”.

Pacifica kissed me on the cheek. She ran up the stairs, with her chicken following her, and I stood there, next to the door. I could still feel Dipper's presence. I could still feel him there. I could still hear his voice. What he said on that night kept coming back to me. "What kind of death would you like, Pines?" What kind of death would I like? I wasn't sure.

Not dying would be the ideal death, I guess? But how would Dipper kill me? Would he run swords through my body like he had done to the man? Or would he do something more obvious, like poisoning my drink or drowning me in his bathtub? Would he choke me, punch me until I die? Would it hurt? Would other people see? Or would it be just us, murder being the most intimate and respectable act between the two of us?

How would it be? Did dying hurt? And what would be worse: the ten seconds before or the ten seconds after?

I didn't know. And I could not wait to find out.

Chapter Text

Dipper Gleeful

Think about it: what would have happened?

What would have happened if I just... hadn't woken up? Would Mabel take over the Gleeful show? Would it become the Mabel Gleeful show? Would that be it? What about me, would I go to hell? Did hell even exist? Would William eat my soul? Would he guide me? Would I meet with mother?

What would have happened to me? What if... what if he had let me die? I couldn't "see all" like people said I could. I couldn't see the possibilities... I couldn't see the past, I couldn't see the "if". Did I even want to see that? Did I even need to see that?

I didn't, but my head always told me to.

And Will... why did he wake me up? Could he have not? Or does the deal mean he has to care for my life no matter what? When he shook my hand all those years ago, what was he promising?

What even was the deal that I cared so much for?

"He didn't let you die, Mason. Why are you thinking about that? He didn't kill you!"

But what if he had?

I woke up at exactly the time I always did. 6:30, my alarm read. I got up, right foot on the floor first, and walked towards my phone, shutting the sound off. I went through every notification, standing there. I couldn't sit down, that was something I needed to do standing up, that first phone check of the day. That was how my mind decided it would be. I couldn't disobey my mind, could I?

I turned left. Always left, I could turn right after checking my phone, that'd be wrong. I unplugged it from the power plug, because the house would burn down if I didn't, I think.

I walked straight towards my desk, covered by books about Chemistry, Geography... all the other things Mabel and I had to study to replace school. It took exactly nine steps to reach the desk. Nine, always. If I didn't take nine steps, bad luck.

I knocked on wood three times to ban the words "bad luck" from my head. Who knew what could happen if I hadn't touched wood or if I hadn't taken nine steps?

I sat on my desk, not forgetting to move the blue pen before I could get close to it. I reached the curtains, opening them and seeing the sun shine straight onto my white table. I analysed the rays of sun, knowing my mind would find something to freak out about.

And it did. Oh no, the sun hit exactly the right side of the table. That was bad, really bad. But I couldn't close it. No. Way. I could NOT close the curtains. There was a right time to open them, and there was a right time to close them. I couldn't disobey the rules.

"But in about two hours, when the sun is higher, it could hit the mirror. And the lipsticks you bought for Mabel. What if it melts them? What if the mirror breaks? God, what if the mirror breaks? What then? Would that be it? Would that be the end? Bad luck forever?"

"Mason, don't say that word. DO NOT think of that word. Touch wood now. But twice. Touch wood once for the bad luck and once more so that Mabel doesn't die. Don't ask why, but if you don't do it, she will die and you know that. You know she'll die and her lipsticks will melt if you don't do that. Do it."

My head, making logical sense as always. I agreed with it. Like I always did.

I knocked six times. Or I thought I did. Maybe I counted wrong or maybe... the last knock felt... different?... it felt weak. Yeah. That didn't count for sure. Did it? Did I have to do it again? Or would that count as seven? What... What would I do now?

My head yelled a lot of different answers, and I closed my eyes and knocked with my right hand instead of my left. That would fix things, my head said. But also, you need to press your fingers against one another, otherwise it won't work.

Yeah, the finger pressing... I pressed my fingers twice, and I kept pressing. Some blood might have been moved inside me, but I was safe now. I got up, moved the mirror to my bedside table, knowing that it would all be fixed. But Mason, don't place it straight like that. Place it a little to the left... almost centering the table... And touch wood again, you know you have to. If you don't, you'll blah blah blah...

I did it. I always did it. I always did what my head told me to.

And at that moment, my head told me a lot. It asked what if I had fallen with that mirror... What if I had fallen and all the glass just stabbed my whole body? What if I died right there, with no one to hear my last words? What even would be my last words? Would I even be able to speak or would the glass just cut my tongue off too? It didn't happen, but who knows... what if...

My head very graphically showed me the scene. I could tell the difference between an intrusive thought and a future vision, I wasn't stupid. So I just thought of myself dying with that mirror. Even though it had not happened.

But what if it had?

Seeing myself die, all day, every day, was definitely not the best part of my routine... And that was my head's favorite thing to show me. For sure.

Had I ever killed anyone with glass before?, my head asked as I walked back to the desk. Should I kill someone with glass? How would I do it? It was now time to imagine myself killing someone. My head showed even Mabel and Will sometimes. It showed Pacifica this time too. My fingers bleeding while I pressed the glass deeper and deeper intp her skin. Her screaming, as annoying as her speaking voice. Her despair, stronger than her admiration for me. She would die beautifully, I thought. I wondered what she would wear to the party, and what she would think of the demon costume I had made for me… I wonder if she would enjoy being killed by me.

My fingers – not in the stupid thought, but in the real world – grabbed the black pen that was always there, and started writing. I had to write every morning. Who knows what would happen if I didn't... After writing some of my dreams down, I closed the notebook and put it back where it always should be. And then I got up to brush my teeth.

“How are the unwanted thoughts today, Master?” William asked. I counted and counted the seconds. Not any longer than two minutes. “More obsessive than usual?”

I held back the strong desire to punch him in the face, just because my mind told me it would bring me more luck to hit him with my left elbow. And how could I disagree?

“I am not obsessive, William,” I replied. “Or compulsive”.

“That is not what the doctors said,” he whispered. “Or, you know. Your compulsions”.

Doctors, sure. So the doctors would know more about Mason Gleeful's head than Mason Gleeful himself. Of course, Will. If I hit him now, the party would be a disaster. I didn’t know why, but it would.

“I do not have OCD, William”.

But of course I did. Because Will wasn't even there. That had not even happened. I was completely alone, brushing my teeth in peace like a normal human being would. But my head? There was no peace there. I had more than twenty different violent thoughts in those two minutes I spent there. My dumb mental illness was the only thing that could possibly mess with me. And I hated it. Every part of it.

But what could I do? Nothing. I could do nothing.

“Two minutes,” I checked. I always did.

And ever since the doctors told me, I thought. Maybe it was a demon? Maybe there was another demon in my house. But living with me. Inside me. Maybe all that was a curse. Maybe that was mother, why not? What if that was what was best for me? Checking doors and windows so I wouldn't die suddenly? Turning lights on and off repeatedly because my fingers didn't feel right the first time? Brushing my teeth as soon as one small piece of anything fell on my mouth? Ah, maybe that wasn't obsession. Maybe I wasn't "obsessed" with doing that exactly that amount of times, otherwise everything would be wrecked.

Maybe all that was mother. Trying to tell me that it's alright.

But again, maybe all this was it. The disease, trying to take the form of mother just so I wouldn't hate it as much as I did. Maybe it was all a disguise.

I knew I would never stop checking. I knew I wouldn't stop pressing my fingers on everything I touched. I wouldn't stop repeating movements with my right hand that I accidentally did with my left hand, stop turning around to nullify the exact movement I did one second before. I couldn't stop that, I never would stop that. How would I live without sinking and holding my breath for twenty seconds every time I took a bath? It's not possible to have a normal day if you don't touch the same pencils every morning, it's not. How would I exist like that? I'd die every single day. I'd live in bad luck – touch wood, now –, I'd live in uncertainty. If I didn't look at Mabel for exactly twelve seconds before we went on stage... I don't know what would happen. But I wouldn't. Feel okay.

I would never, ever, know peace. Everything would be wrong. Always. If I didn't. Obey it.

Maybe I had a stupid disease. And maybe Mabel didn't have it or understand it. Maybe I didn't want her to. Maybe I did. Maybe I had thoughts about killing her too often. Maybe I had thoughts about not killing her also too often. Maybe I couldn't stop the disgusting thoughts I had about her, from the most violent to the most sexual. What could I fucking do to help it?

Maybe I had never told her what the doctors told me. Maybe my head told me I would die if I did.

Maybe, just maybe... I was obsessed.

I read the news, I told Mabel good morning. I did yoga. Did my mind shut up during it? No. Did it ever? Also no. Was that completely stupid and pointless and unfair? Well, most things were. Why did Mabel have the privilege of not having that mental burden? Why had she been chosen to be normal? Why not me? How better than her at everything I would be, if only that wasn't the deal with me?

If only I could escape. For a moment. If only I could go through my day without killing myself in my own head. If only.

When the clock hit exactly 8, it was time to work out. William wasn't allowed to walk up the stairs before 10, because my head told me so, and so I told him so.

The first thing I had to do was run on the treadmill. Thirty minutes, difficulty level 5, exactly that amount of kilometers. My legs giving out and my heart almost giving up on me, maybe it wasn't the best idea to listen to my head whenever it told me to stay extra time whenever I didn't hit the button at the exact time. But what else could I listen to? My heart? Why would any sane human do that?

I wouldn't.

"You need water”.

"No, only when you finish”.

"And only if you do five more minutes and click the stop button at exactly 35 minutes”.

"If you don't..."

"Yeah, you get it, you don't need a reason. You've already done it”.

"You've already obeyed the demon, I guess”.

"But how does waiting to drink water help your health? Wouldn't it be the opposite?"

"Are you doubting?"

"You always are. But you also never are”.

"You're just thinking".

"It's normal. Thinking".

“You’re gonna fucking die tonight”.

10 A.M. came. Finally. Now I could see Will, and let my head tell me whether I should speak to him like a normal person or if I should just wreck his face again. Maybe I should make him cough blood... Maybe I should break his nose. There were too many possibilities, but today's main one was just walking towards him.

“Good morning,” he said. My head formulated many answers, as usual. But some of them... unspeakable. I grabbed his right arm, and I just pressed my fingers into his skin, until my fingers felt satisfied. He stared at me and I knew. That he knew.

“Hello, William,” I fought with my need to grab his other arm as well. “How are the preparations for the party?”

Will, not moving the arm that I was using for my foolish compulsion, took a piece of paper out of his pocket, and handed it to me.

“The confirmed guests?” he nodded. “Thank you, Will”.

He bowed, and I finally let him go. Both my hands grabbed the paper, exact pressure on both sides of the sheet. Will's handwriting was so pleasing. William not only respected me, he also loved me. Maybe he hated me sometimes but I knew how far he would go for me.

I knew it. I didn't need to read his mind to know that.

“Why that face, William?”

He put his head down. And I knew.

He wasn't the only other man living in that house. The beginning of a new day also meant the beginning of more Stanford. He, differently from Will, never understood. He never respected me or my schedule requests. He always got mad at every single compulsion I ever did, since always. He was the one who decided I was "mad" and "needed to be checked by a doctor". He was the one who screamed saying that I was crazy when I was twelve. He never wanted to listen to what my brain chose, just as I wished I didn't have to listen to it. He did what he felt like doing, which usually meant, he did the worst things.

He never thought about the disastrous consequences that my head made up. He never cared about what disrespecting them could do to me.

Stanford was a pitiful man, and I would laugh on the day when he would finally die. His hateful face made me angrier than anyone ever did. Poor man... he was so much less than what his smart mind could have become... I guess losing a niece does that to you. It makes you useless.

William's faded thought revealed what was about to happen: him entering the room. Stanford opened the door to the room, and stared at me. I wanted to kill him. My mind simulated him killing me.

“Mason”.

“Stanford”.

I let go of William completely, joined my hands with one another, and dismissed him. He left, not making any noise. And as bad as my mind reading still was, I could see his thoughts. They were strong…

The man fucking hated Stanford too.

“You don't need to call me Mason,” I said. He knew that, he knew.

I just honestly wanted to tease him.

“If I don't, you'll end up forgetting that's your real name again”.

I hated whenever he referenced my childhood. I hated whenever he felt like he was my family. I hated whenever he referenced what happened before she died. I hated whenever he said anything that reminded me of her. I hated remembering her. I hated having stupid intrusive thoughts about being able to save her. I hated everything about her not being there with us. I hated him.

I hated Stanford. Dearly. With my whole soul and mind. I hated him, so much.

I rolled my eyes, which usually bothered him. My mind fired me with images of him being annoyed at that and just grabbing me by my collar, stabbing me, and letting me die alone. Images of him throwing me against the wall, hitting my head on it until all my blood was out of my body. Images of him simply slicing my throat. Images of him burning me alive. Images of him punching me to death. Him breaking all my bones. Him locking me up and waiting for me to perish slowly.

I thought a lot. In those five seconds that took him to continue talking, I thought and thought and thought.

“Were you and Cipher talking about business?”

That was the difference between us. Stanford didn't think. He was just lucky enough to have his whole body in his own control. Luck. That is all Stanford really had. Luck.

I noticed his movements. He started walking in circles, some meters away from me. I sat down on the nearest table, in the position my mind was telling me to be. He kept staring at me.

“Hm... our business, yeah”.

I smiled. I sarcastically smiled at him, just knowing that he would be mad. And you know what? After suffering a demon curse and having a power hiatus that strengthened my disease, I could not care about what he did to me.

Especially if it involved William. The only one who cared for what I felt.

Stanford's expression went from neutral to slightly mad. He pointed his nose up, and I just wanted to break him apart. He continued.

“Your business?” he questioned with that disgusted voice that I hated so much. At that point, I did not care whether he would try to kill me or not. It was all my head anyway. He wasn't stronger than me.

I nodded, making my sarcastic smile shorter, but even more sarcastic. I believe he hated that.

I wondered if he hated me more than I hated him.

“And what would your business with him be?” he asked as if he already knew the answer he wanted to hear. Or better, didn't want to hear.

I just wanted to scream from the top of my lungs. Everything that would make him angry. Everything that would make him hate me more and more.

I stayed silent, staring down and still smiling at his question. I could almost hear his blood boiling.

“Mason,” he said my name in such a disgusting way, ruining it completely. “You are aware that William Cipher is a demon meant to serve us, right? You know that he is here to auxiliate you with your professional and spiritual life. Nothing else”.

He was so wrong. It was so disgusting how wrong he always was about Will. And how much he pretended to know. “No, idiot,” I wanted to say. William Cipher is a Dream Demon, made from a family of twelve brothers who have the sole purpose of conquering universes and merging realities. He is here because I made a deal with him to be with me and help me understand and stabilize myself”.

“He is the one thing that keeps me in this house. Without him, I would've destroyed everything already”.

“Yeah, he does all that,” I responded. “What do you think I meant with business?”

I looked him right in the eyes, waiting for his lucky brain to just formulate a lucky answer with no thought whatsoever. He took a little while, staring at me like I owed him something. I knew what he was thinking. I knew what he thought he knew.

“Mason,” he repeated my name, and my head begged for him to stop that. "Mason, Mason, Mason"... “When will you learn to not pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about?”

He got up. Was he coming to hit me? Was he going to yell? My future vision had been off since the demon memory. But I could sense what was coming.

I chuckled. He got closer to me.

“Is this funny to you?”

Was it? Was that funny? An old man thinking he was the king of the world in front of the actual next ruler of the universe? I guess I did think that was a bit funny. His existence was funny. His presence in my life was funny. 

I didn't answer, and I guess that was more offensive than anything I could have said.

“When will you learn to be more like your sister?”

I chuckled again, sarcastically. He stood there in silence.

“What, messy and bitchy?”

“Hardworking,” he responded, as if he did not know Mabel was those things. “She cares”.

Maybe he really was blinded by whatever spell she cast on him.

“You know, Mabel would never miss a single Gleeful show”.

“Yeah? I wouldn't either,” I said back to him, who was less than a meter away from where I was. “There's no show without me. Or her”.

“Of course. But she would never cancel one either. If it wasn't for you”.

I wanted to punch him so bad.

“Here we go…”

“Yes, Mason, here we go,” his volume raised a little. “Do you have any ideas what you could have done to the ratings if you canceled another show?”

“Oh, so I almost died and what you care about is the ratings?”

He sighed. He had this strange tendency to lower his voice and bring it up again one moment later.

“It was simply a cold,” he replied, pretending like he cared. “Or was there something else I haven't heard about?”

My mind was going crazy, as usual. Thoughts about every single thing. Tall waves, fallen elevators, a swarm of bees. There was never a right time for a thought. And there was never a right amount of time to obsess about each one.

And still, it wasn't as unbearable as Stanford was.

Maybe he was the reason for all that? 

“Is there?” I asked, and my stomach turned a little. I didn't know if I should continue to make him angry. But I liked it.

He turned to me with the most annoyed expression. If I could take a picture of that expression, I would’ve.

“Maybe you and William should stop spending time alone”.

I already knew he was going to say that... He always said something crazy.

“Completely, at all,” he continued. “You need to focus on work”.

“Why does Will even have to be part of this? I thought you were here to tell me how I'm not good enough”.

“Yes”. Yes. “William doesn't have to be a part of this. Or your life”.

I could have reminded him that I was the one to shake William's hand, but he'd heard that enough. And he didn't really care about real logic anyway. He only overlapped it with his own wrongful one.

“And call him by his real name. William Cipher. Not ‘Will’”.

“Are you really hurt over a dumb nickname?”

He rushed towards me, holding my arms with force and making me stare at him. Now he was mad. Now I believed my murder thoughts could become real, if only he wasn't weak and afraid. Now everything changed, and I was once again the failed twin.

“I have no idea who you think you're talking to, boy. But if you disrespect me once more… I will make sure you regret that”.

“I already do. Seeing you up close makes me want to vomit”.

“I know you don't like growing up. But you have to and you will. Whether you want to or not”.

I am pretty sure he included a swear word in one of those three sentences, but I'll leave it out. I guess a selfishly jealous insane old man was allowed to swear at his great-nephew who he viewed as an also selfishly jealous monotonous and useless young boy. I guess it was alright of him to yell at me because I did whatever with William when no one was around. I guess he was correct when he compared me to Mabel, saying I would never be like her if I didn't grow up.

I guess it made logical sense, and I had to come to terms with it! And even if it didn't, it still had to! Why wouldn't it? If my head said it did... why not?

Everything he did was right. Yelling at me, forbidding me from seeing my own butler if not for supernatural purposes, telling the doctors I was just crazy and that there was no way to fix me, not saying a single word about his niece on any of her birthdays, not letting me follow my own schedules, not allowing me to go out with certain people, destroying my friendship with Wendy Valentino, stealing everything for himself. He was just... being logical. That's how logic was supposed to work at that house, right? I wasn't the main character there. There was something greater than me. There would always be.

And I had to respect him. Yes, mister Stanford, of course I will. Of course.

“Yeah”.

Yeah, I said.

I didn't know what happened in those five minutes in which he just screamed non-stop. But I said yes.

“Good,” he lowered his voice once again. “Consult me before anything. Just like your sister does”.

He let go of my arm.

“Never forget that you are not the man of the house. You're the one who works for me. Without me, you would not exist. And I have done everything for you,” he finished. “And now it's time you do what I tell you. For me”.

Maybe it would've been better if Will had never woken me up.

The party was not a disaster. I mean, Pacifica and Gideon went. Wendy went. Pacifica did not look bad. She wore an angel costume, and I wore a demon one. We did not plan it, and she called it "destiny" with a cute little laugh in the end. Gideon was wearing... something. I didn't really pay attention to him. 

I didn't do many things. I was off. Something about me was off on that evening. I couldn't get close to Will, but I could stare at him from afar, with his really well-made pirate costume. Since I couldn't touch him or perform any of my compulsive acts on his arms, I just hoped Pacifica wouldn't notice the repetitive trails my fingers made against her skin. My mind reading was still bad from the curse, but I don't think she did.

It was a good night, I guess. My mind wasn't on the night, of course. My mind never was where it was supposed to be. Maybe I had died with the curse, maybe all that was just afterlife.

It wasn't. But what if it was? Obsession doesn't end after all, does it?

Chapter Text

Gideon Pines

Whether I believed it or not, I was still alive.

Dipper had not killed me yet. My heart was still beating. I went to his party and he surprisingly didn't even talk to me, like all was a joke to him. Making me wait for death like that, was the worst form of torture he could do to me, and I was not happy about it.

Summer was supposed to be... fun. And the fact that everything had changed so drastically, in such a short matter of time, was terrible.

I got a text from Mabel first thing in the morning, and I have to admit that it helped me calm down. Even if she really was on Dipper's side and all that was his evil plan to kill me, I still liked... to just pretend. That she was really there for me. And I could keep pretending. I could still make my mind believe in it. It was okay to be a fool if that made my short rest of life a little bit more peaceful. "Hey Gid, good morniiiing," her message said, followed by a few emoticons. "Can I come over?"

We had been messaging each other ever since our day together at the festival, and she was really good at pretending. The Gleeful Twins were, in fact, great actors. She and I and our fake friendship were the only thing I wished I could focus on sometimes, because everything other than that just made me stressed, even my real friendship with Pacifica, who was still going on about how she and Dipper spent time together at the party.

My real friendship with Pacifica was the most stressful thing to focus on at the moment.

"Sure!" I replied, but my mind did more of a "sure?". Mabel had never spent time with me in a closed space, and I didn’t know what Dipper's plan had to do with that sudden invitation. Maybe because of that book I took to him? Maybe she wanted to check if there were more of those here?

What was that book anyway? Why did he want to kill me because of it? Was it stolen from the Tent of Telepathy or something?

I didn't know, but I definitely knew who to ask.

“Hey, Melody”.

“Hey!” she responded, thankfully. I was glad she was home, she was always so busy with work. “How are you, Gideon?”

I felt like a jerk, finally having a conversation with her after so long. And even worse, I had intentions and a reason for it, it wasn't even a real conversation. Maybe it was time to learn that other people existed too and were not only part of my own stupid fictionally real narrative.

“Good, how are you, Melody?” she answered that she felt just like I thought she felt: great. And I decided to just ask her. “Hey, where do the books on the Shack's library come from?”

She frowned her forehead, probably confused by my question.

“Well, like every other library does, Gideon!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” pretty dumb question. “But like, if I specifically ask you about a book, will you remember when and who you got it from?”

She nodded.

“Are you talking about that one we gave you?”

I shook my head.

“Yeah, hardcover book, gold hand in the cover, with the number three on top?” I tried describing the book, and that was all I could remember. And the fact that it was big and heavy.

And no matter what, I would always remember how that book looked in Dipper's arms, while he threatened to kill me on the day we met.

“It was weird, there was only one copy”.

“Most books here have only one copy, Gideon,” she answered. “And I am really sorry, I don't know where we got it from”.

Ugh, I shook my head. There was no way Melody would've stolen that from Dipper. Melody wasn't... weird, right? She wasn't one of those people who were all good and then suddenly they weren't anymore, she could not possibly be untrustworthy...

I had to trust her... if she said she didn’t know, then she didn’t know.

But why did... why did Dipper... why would he…

“Okay, sorry,” she said it was okay. “I was just wondering”.

“I can ask your uncle if you want to,” she smiled. Oh. Video chat. True.

“Is he okay with facetiming so much? I just assumed he was somewhere like... very far away and weird”.

“Oh, he is,” she giggled. “But believe me, he would do a lot just to be able to facetime me for a while”.

They were sweet, I guess. Maybe more sweet than my parents were. My parents didn't video chat. Or chat. At all.

“Hey, Mabel is coming over, okay? Sorry I didn't say anything”.

“Mabel? Like The Mabel Gleeful?” she asked. “What is it with you and Pacifica? Making friends with the superstars in town!”

“I don't know, aunt Melody, believe me when I say… that I don't know”.

The hours went by slowly. I didn't want to ask her anything else about the book, trusting that she would talk to my uncle about it. Pacifica spent the day with her new chicken that she loved so much. So I just had to wait. Wait and wait for Mabel to arrive. I guess she didn't live that far away, so I didn’t know why it was taking her so long. I opened the door for her when she arrived.

She did look beautiful. If she had said she took a long time because she was getting ready, I would have believed it. Her hair was as shiny as Pacifica always said it was. Her eyes were beautifully marked by her blue makeup and... I did not pay attention to her clothes, but they were fancy as usual. The whole black and blue thing that she loved so much. It went well with her. With all her energy.

She carried a purse this time. A small purse.

“Hey, pretty boy,” I smiled at her, feeling underdressed as always. “How are you, dearie?”

I blinked once or twice, wondering why she and Dipper just had the tendency to stand on the door and talk, instead of coming in like normal people. Maybe they really were super strange vampires, unhurt by the sun for some odd reason? I decided to accept it.

“Good, how are you?” I tried saying but regretted it one second later, hearing how it came out. Mabel did not seem bothered. Instead, she smiled and replied.

“I'm fantastic!” she said, voice louder than mine but definitely lower than Pacifica's. “Do you want to go to the Tent of Telepathy instead of staying here? I might have a surprise…”

She winked, and I knew. There was no way to run. There was nothing I could do, really. Their plan was made and I didn't want to risk going against it.

Taking risks is dumb. Especially when you've already considered every possibility. Especially then.

“Sure,” I replied, trying to make sure that she knew that I knew. “Can I just do one last thing first?”

“Of course!” she allowed me to do my last thing. I invited her in and let her wait on the couch, while I went to find Pacifica.

I didn't want to say goodbye to her. I knew I had to but... I didn't feel like it. If there was something I didn't want to lose, that something was her.

I found her and the chicken in our backyard, and after checking all the windows to make sure there was no way Mabel could possibly see us, I approached them.

Pacifica seemed happy to see me. And I don't know about the chicken. Maybe it was happy as well.

“Look at him!” she held her chicken close to me to greet me. “Look at him, Clucks! Isn't he handsome?”

“Hey girls,” I sat next to my best friend for the last time in my life. But she didn't know that. I couldn't let her know.

“Hiiii, Gideon. Say hi, Clucks!”

While she played with her pet, I thought about what I would say. And so my eyes analyzed every part of her extension. I admired her beautiful smile, her colorful clothes, her. My best friend. So full of life, glee, and laughter. I always promised I would hurt every single person who had ever made her sad before, and I wish I could've lived up to that promise. Maybe dad was right. Maybe if I had worked hard enough, I wouldn't have been that short and weak and unbrave and unable to save her as I was. I couldn't protect her. I never could. And I never would be able to, ever.

I never would be the best friend she needed. But I would like to be remembered as the best friend she had.

“Pacifica”.

She looked at me. She brought Clucks close to her head, and I swore that that was the prettiest thing I had ever seen anyone do. Her blue eyes shone through all the dark my head was imagining. That was the power she had.

“Gideon,” and she smiled. She smiled wide and perfectly, and I was glad to be able to see something so pretty.

I smiled at her, for real this time. I hadn't done that in a while. She kept holding her chicken up in the air, and I just thought and thought about how Mabel was inside and how safe Pacifica was, playing with her chicken outside. I promised to do my best to have it remain like that. I promised to try.

“I really like you, you know?” and her expression changed completely.

“Wow,” she started, putting Clucks down on the ground. “This isn't... a confession, is it?”

“What? No!” I replied. “You're my best friend, I'm not crazy!”

“Phew, that's a relief,” her smile returned, bright as always. “I like you a lot as a best friend too, Gideon!”

I knew that. And I was thankful for it. How did I, the least interesting boy in the world, have such an amazing chance of meeting someone like Pacifica Southeast?

Why did I, a completely average person, get the privilege of being the best friend of her life, the person she spent time with the most. She, positive, fun, upbeat, happy, smart, incredible, was so much more than anything that I deserved to have. And I was eternally grateful. I was deeply, deeply, thankful.

I guess I thought of that often. Why me? Why not someone more like her? But I was glad. I had always been glad. And I wished I had enjoyed it for a longer time. I wished I had been more thankful.

“I know,” I replied, looking down at the grass I would never be able to touch again. She noticed my movement. “I would freak out if I lost you”.

“Ohh, me too! Without your dumb smart brain around I wouldn't know what to do, ever”.

She laughed, and I laughed back, hoping she didn't mean it. I hoped Pacifica would be okay. Did I want to be remembered by her? Yes. Did I want her to miss me? Not really.

I did not want Pacifica to suffer. Ever.

“You mean that?” I asked. She turned her head to me and I noticed she wasn't smiling anymore.

I felt the sun shine on top of my skin, knowing I wouldn't feel that ever again.

“Like, what do you think it would be like if I were just... gone?”

Pacifica's hair looked beautiful under the sunlight. She stared deeply into my eyes, not being sure what to say next.

“Well,” she began speaking. “You're not going to be gone, right?”

I shook my head no.

“Nah, of course not. But like. You know”.

“No, we don't need to talk about things that are not going to happen”.

“It could happen,” I replied. “Someday”.

“Nah, I'm older,” she argued. “I'm gonna die first”.

“Well, men die first,” she giggled.

“Yeah, that's because you're all super dumb,” her smile was the brightest once again. “But you have a bit of smartness in there, so you're fine!”

If only smartness could save me right then. If only there weren't two other smart creatures for me to deal with... if only.

If only that wasn't my last minute with the best person to ever exist on Earth...

“I just wanted to remind you. That I love you. Truly”.

She seemed happy to hear that.

“I love you too, Gideon,” I swore to keep that memory in my head. “A lot”.

And we hugged. Pacifica's hugs were extremely comforting, especially in those circumstances. I tried using all the energy in my brain to make sure that whenever she thought of me, that would be what she’d remember. I wanted her to remember all the times we hugged, laughed, had fun together. I wanted her to delete all the times I kept warning her or making fun of the boys she crushed on, all the wrong I'd done to her. All those times in which I was an insensitive friend, all those times in which I wasn't thankful.

We broke the hug, and I could see her happy expression once again. I wasn't smiling, and I hoped she didn't think bad of that. I was just trying my best so I wouldn't cry in front of her. I could not let her know. There was no way I could let her know.

“I have to go now,” I said, finally getting up. Pacifica made an "awn" noise.

“Be back soon?” she pouted. And oh, how much I wanted to be back for her. How much I wanted to stay forever.

I nodded.

“Yeah. I'll be back soon”.

I left, waving goodbye at her. And her chicken too. Clucks, actually. I went back inside, where Mabel waited for me. "Ready to go?" she asked, while posing fancily on our sofa. "Yeah".

"I'm ready to go".

We walked together to the Tent of Telepathy, Mabel happily talking about her favorite memories from the party. She had worn a siren outfit to match her butler's pirate costume, and she definitely had fun. Magic, tricks, dancing, their party had everything. I even saw Candy there, together with every single other person who lived in Gravity Falls. Melody was the only one who didn't go.

I thought about dad. “Should I text him saying I love him before I go?” Would he even bother to read it? Or would he be busy with work?

“Here we are again!” Mabel smiled, guiding me to the front entrance.

“Wow, you already cleaned everything up?” I looked around, surprised to see there were no signs of any big parties around there. “Impressive”.

“Our butler is very efficient when he wants to be,” she joked. That wasn't a good way to treat a servant, but I accepted it. That was how the Gleeful twins were, apparently.

I entered the tent. Mabel came behind me, and I could feel her deep stare on my back. Was that it? Would I die right away? Or would she torture me beforehand?

I looked around, but there was no sign of a Dipper anywhere. Or a butler. Everything sounded... quiet. Nothing sounded of anything. The Gleeful mansion was creepily soundless.

“So,” I turned to her. I was scared, but I had to pretend. I had to let her know that I knew everything. And that I was ready. I waited for her answer, and she got close to me and started running her fingers through my hair. “How's it gonna be?”

She giggled.

“What?”

“The... thing,” I responded. “What did we come here for?”

Mabel's expression changed into a confused look. Her acting skills were even greater than her brother's for sure.

“For…” she began formulating. “Destiny?” Destiny? Was that what it was? Was killing me their "destiny"? “For... love?

Mabel approached me even more. And then she kissed me. She tied her arms around my neck in a way that made it impossible for me to pull away.

She pulled away seconds later, smiling at me.

“Definitely love,” she said, as if she was answering her own question. Then she let go of me, turning her back to me and walking towards the other side of the room.

I just stood there, in complete silence. I did not know what to do and I did not know what to say. What was supposed to happen now? Could it possibly get any more confusing than that? I had my doubts.

“Which season, little Gideon?” which season? Which season what? “Which season is it gonna be?”

What was she saying?

“Which season is what gonna be?”

“Our wedding,” she naturally answered. “I personally prefer the spring, but we'll have to wait a loooong time if we want a spring wedding next year”.

What was that supposed to mean? Was she trying to drug me with her words so it would be easier to kill me? Was that even possible? Or was my mind just making up stupid scenarios? Maybe Pacifica was right about me overthinking everything.

“W-What wedding?”

“You kissed me, dummie. You certainly have feelings for me, right?”

Mabel giggled as she turned to face me again. I wish I had reacted, I wish I had said something. But I couldn't. It was like my face had been frozen by the surprise her lips had for me. She kept waiting for an answer.

“Right, little Gideon?”

“M-Mabel, I have no idea what you're talking about. What kind of feelings do you mean? What is happening?”

“Gideon?”

She seemed surprised. She seemed shocked that I didn't answer her question. She looked just as if I had just committed a huge crime right in front of her, and I didn't like that reaction. Not one bit.

“You do have feelings for me,” she stood there, saying. “You do”.

“I do?”

I wish I had not asked that. But at that moment, with everything that was going on in my head, how could I not?

“Yeah?”

“I…”

I couldn't answer. Whatever Mabel was trying to do, it was working. I was lost, completely distracted. Dipper could come out at any time and kill me. But why was he taking so long? Why did it have to be only me and my fake friend for so long? What was their objective? What did they want? To mess with me?

Mabel looked down. And she giggled.

I was hoping everything would end then. I was hoping she would say that everything was a joke and kill me, or something. I thought that was it, the end of the confusion.

“Are you really like all of them?”

“Who?”

“Like them! Like all the other boys!” she raised her voice. I wasn't expecting her to get irritated, I had never seen Mabel like that.

I wondered if there was a right thing to say or if everything I tried would just make the situation worse.

“Mabel,” I walked closer to her in one big step, trying to calm her down. “Mabel, I don't know what you mean. What other boys? Which boys?!”

“All the other boys in this world, Gideon,” she spat out my name.

Whatever it was, that really did not strike me as part of the Gleeful plan to murder me. But I could never be sure...

I stood there, about a meter away from her, speechless. My mouth tried forming some words, but with no results. Mabel's eyes were completely red. There were tears. They weren't falling, but staying in perfect place, draining the blue from her eyes and turning them into a huge puddle of light green. And she stared at me, her pool of tears looked into my eyes like the most efficient weapon of guilt. And after about five hurtful seconds spent looking into my hurt fake friend's irises, I noticed a tear fall. Finally.

Mabel was crying.

And it was my fault.

And I didn't even know why.

“M-Mabel? Are you alri…”

“I won't let you break my heart, you know?” she grabbed my right arm with strength. “I will not allow you to do that, understand?!”

And that was when I knew. I would never stop being a coward. I would never stop being scared. And hey, maybe that was okay. Maybe it was part of who I was and I shouldn't be mad about it.

But that was also when I knew. I was not prepared for death. In the slightest.

I just had gotten used to the idea of it.

Mabel tied my arms together with a long rope she took out of her purse. She then covered my mouth with tape so no one could hear me scream. And she guided me to a room with only one lonely chair as decoration. As she tied me to it, I just wished, for the love of everything that was real and true, that Pacifica would be okay.

Before fear made me pass out I had time to hear Mabel's words: "I love you, I love you, I love you..."

Chapter Text

Will Cipher

“How did... Did she...?”

“She didn't inform me, Master. I apologize”.

Mason stepped away from the door, slowly. "It's okay" he told me, walking close to me as I placed his cup of tea on his desk. It wasn't hard to hear. Gideon Pines was screaming so audibly that he could be heard from any part of Mason's office. Something seemed to bother him.

“How did he even trust her?” he sat on his chair, commanding that I did the same. “She's my sister, he saw her killing that guy on our show too”.

I stood, lacking an answer to give. "Stay away from him" was what Master Stanford had told me, together with his extensive explanation that was not needed whatsoever.

Mason kept staring at me, as he normally did when he was reading my mind. His eyes blue as usual. His human structure, so simple and easy to break. He was just so unremarkably normal. Just like every other single human.

His head hurt. He was still weak, as one would normally be after such great trauma. As one would normally feel after being tortured by a Dream Demon.

I felt like he was going to speak. Or maybe he wasn't. But I interrupted him. I knew I shouldn't have, but I had to.

I had to stay away from him.

“Master. I apologize, but I really need to leave,” I bowed, thinking about leaving him behind, alone with his own thoughts. “In case you need assistance, just let me know”.

I walked towards the door, and I could almost feel him running behind me and hitting me with all of his strength. Maybe he wanted to, maybe he didn't. I could just feel the energy.

“Woah, wait, what happened?” he asked, confusedly getting up and grabbing my hand. “I didn't even show you the thing about the journal!”

Gideon Pines made a loud noise in the other room, and that seemed to distract Mason a little bit. Gideon seemed to be struggling with pain. Madam Mabel, from what I had experienced, was probably cutting his skin open.

“Master,” I stared at him. And my eyes leaked once again. Everything had that effect on me.

Human things happened to me. I could feel human pain. I could form human tears, and I could have human feelings. How human my living experiences were could only be judged by my brothers, and they were not around to analyze me, so I was the Cipher left around to judge my own life.

And how I knew how strong my human feelings were. I didn't want to leave him. But did I care? Probably not.

I had to stay away from him. And if I had to, I would. Even if that was dangerous for him.

“He... talked to you?”

He opened his mouth in shock, and softly detached his dry hand from mine.

“Will”. I did not answer. But I didn't leave either. Looking at him made me feel like he wanted to die. Looking at him made me feel like he was curious about what would happen if he died. Looking at him caused something unexplainable to him. And to me. My tears started silently falling. With no permission, as they always did... As they always disobeyed me...

But I did not move. I kept looking in the eyes of my Master. I kept looking in the eyes of the dealer, the one who had saved me from oblivion. I kept waiting for whatever it was he would do to me, because there was no way to be sure about what a Gleeful would do. Despite their simplicity, they were also stupidly unpredictable sometimes.

“I told you. My orders weigh much more than his”.

They really didn't. And the worst part was, Mason had no idea.

I allowed myself to take his right hand, holding it tight. And he let me.

“One hundred percent mine”.

The deal was his.

I shook his hand. Up and down, up and down. There was nothing that could break the deal apart. As long as time existed, as long as the Earth was its own, there was nothing anyone could do.

There was nothing Stanford could possibly do to break his deal. Our deal.

“I apologize. Thank you for finding me”.

As I opened the door and left, I heard Gideon Pines again. I decided to focus on his screams as a way to ignore Mason looking at me, as a way to pretend I wasn't leaving him behind, to make the most of what that deal really meant. He stopped yelling for a while, but I knew he was crying, so he wasn't dead. Madam Mabel walked up the stairs, and although I had heard Mason close the door to his office, I still did not want to look back.

So I smiled at her, paying attention to her full red lips and how weirdly pinker her makeup was, as if she had smudged her lipstick. As soon as she saw me on top of the stairs, she smiled.

"Will, my dear!" she called, stopping in front of me, but keeping her distance. Mabel Gleeful was a truly interesting human being. Her face was almost identical to her brother's. She always wore tight and small clothing, normally of darker shades. Her hair, identical to Mason but much longer. And more "curly", as she used to describe it.

Her amulet, as shiny as it was on the day I gave it to her. Her vanity was impressive. She, in general, was a very impressive woman. And a very pleasing company on a good day.

She stared at me with – as Mason described it – a sarcastic smile. I did not reply. I simply smiled back. She didn't enjoy it when I talked.

"Hey, boring, come help me with something," her high voice invaded my ears. "Scissors".

She made her way past me, walking in the direction of her office, and I followed her.

"Scissors?" I impulsively asked. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I did.

"Yes?"

"Oh," I said, truthfully confused. "Where do you think I could find those?"

She groaned. I took one step back, trying to give her the amount of space she wanted. When Mabel tortured me, it didn't hurt much. Her way of punishing me was more artistic, making trails along my body, drawing on me with her knives. Tearing my skin apart, making me bleed like pure red paint. It was different from Mason. Mason's way was more impulsive. Less controlled and more... mad. I felt like the only time he wasn't in control over himself was then. When he hit me. When he made my bones and muscles hurt.

"Will, I just HATE your voice so much. Did you know that?"

I did. And that was also something interesting about human structure. Vocal chords, the inability to alter the timber at will. The incapacity to change the ways of speech, the commitment they had with every part of their powerless body. Being in that dimension, stuck to that body, felt more annoying than libertating.

I did not remember that having a humanoid body was so monotonous sometimes. Everything so solid and unchangeable. Mabel seemed to like it though. Both her body and mine seemed to please her, since she liked showing hers off so much and using mine to test her blades.

"I meant make me some scissors, can you not do that?"

I watched her enter her bedroom and come out with something on her hands and I made it. I moved my hand, some blue fire came out, and there it was. The pair of scissors.

"Here you go, Madam".

"Thank you, Will," she smiled and took the scissors out of my hand. "Can I test them out on you?"

She didn't wait for me to answer. She grabbed my hand and pulled it closer to her, quickly running the scissors though the side of my middle finger. I was surprised and felt my blood run through the cut, and saw how delighted she was to see it come out so fast. She looked up so our eyes could meet, and smiled wider and wider.

"Thank you, boo". I watched her leave, and waited for a while until I could go down the stairs. "I love him, okay? I love Gideon".

When she vanished, I remembered what Master Stanford said. "Stay away from him". Did I have to stay away from her as well? Or were the two of them two different parts of the same creation in the eyes of Stanford? Did he view them differently? Did they not mean the same? Human nature was, more than anything else, calculable. It was not hard to master something after just a few seconds of observation. But Stanford...

It was not pleasant to analyze Stanford. It wasn't that he was selfish in his ways of humanly bringing up Mason. But something about Stanford seemed to mess with the full idea of being neutral towards them. I had, even if I wanted to ignore them, opinions existed. I had opinions about him. And him. And her.

And me?

I knew I was coming close and closer to becoming one of them. I never really doubted that would happen, spending so much time with those... contagious creatures. So super simple, so easy to copy. So identical to one another. Two eyes. One nose. One heart. One extensive organ named skin which seemed incredibly tempting to peel off. Little differences. Little power. Too feeble to survive any kind of fight against any other kind of creature. They were lucky to be trapped in that safe place they called Planet Earth. If they ever met with any other kind... they would finally notice. How grateful they should be for receiving such shelter.

And maybe they would even quit destroying it with no purpose? Just maybe.

Walking around their house, I could still smell Mabel's sweet aroma. She reminded me of Brother Fill a little. The way she showed off everything she owned, and the way she made sure everyone knew she was around... that was just like him. Just like my brother.

Mason didn't remind me of anyone. He was slightly more... visibly unstable than other humans. So it was hard to compare him to the beings that were my family. The way he acted around me, and around me only, it was all the proof I needed to know how sensitive humans could be. And how much they could be affected by the outside. 

The way Mason's mind ran and ran. The way it yelled. The way it screamed for help.

I did not miss any of my brothers. Looking around the blue kitchen I so worked in, looking at the expensive glass cups that would shatter at the slightest fall to the ground... I really did not think anything of them. I didn't miss Pill's humor and funny stories. I didn't miss Kill's mood swings or even Dill's books and music. I didn't. I didn't really care for them anymore.

The time I spent locked up was not different from complete darkness. And I knew I would never be able to feel pain after that. The betrayal that no puny human would ever be able to survive, the experience that no puny human would ever be able to take. Missing my brothers would be dumb.

But I did wonder where they were. I did wonder if they had had the same experience as I did. Was I the only Cipher flying through the lost multiverses?

Or had he betrayed my other brothers too?

It was best not to think about it. Maybe that was it. Maybe that was why I had such unwanted opinions. Maybe Mason did remind me of someone. Maybe it was him.

Maybe he reminded me of Bill Cipher.

But he isn't like him, I thought, cleaning the kitchen sink for it to become even shinier than it already was. "He saved you. Mason saved you from it".

"Mason is the reason you're here. And you love him. Even though you hate him too".

"Why not partake in the confusing human feelings? What is stopping you?"

"Will," I told myself, just as my brothers would say. "I'm visiting that dimension again today, do you wanna come along? I know how bored you are".

It didn't take long to wash their kitchen, it never did. Knowing my Masters, I had to wash it every single day. Human blood was hard to wash off metal surfaces, except when it was fresh. And the new products Stanford said I should use would make them stay fresh for longer. I believed.

"Will, Will, Will, which one, which one?"

I pointed to the one on the right, smiling wide. But not human smiling. Demon smiling. The difference was extraordinarily big but also not important at all. Hill did not hesitate. He killed it and we both yelled happily. What a fun memory that was, my human-toothed smile grew. That product smelled like oranges.

It opened up before it died. The closest to what its structure did, in human language, would be blossoming like a flower. It blossomed. But it also did not blossom at all. It died. It was deleted, ended.

All because of us, I chuckled.

"Please!" all the other ones yelled. "Please don't hurt me!"

I could feel my lips itch. It was weird that I remembered that memory so vividly, given that it had happened more than five hundred thousand millenniums before.

"Oh, we're not gonna hurt you," I repeated, with the same tone of voice that I used back then. The prey smiled, probably feeling relieved. I did not feel bad for them. I never did. "You're not gonna hurt. You're only gonna be in pain. A lot of pain".

Did that even make sense? It did for me and Brother Hill back them. I killed the prey slowly, laughing a lot but not too much. My brother joined me in staring at those creatures. So much weaker than us, so much... useless. If all species were as ridiculous as they were, our objective would be so easy to achieve, that it wouldn't even be worthy of being called objective anymore. It would just be fate. A miniatured, easily manipulated fate. Stupid.

"Yeah, Kill," yeah! Kill! The echo was strong in our voices when we assumed our natural form. "They bleed as red as you! Even redder!"

"Hahahaha, weak!!!" Weak! Pill's echo was even louder. He was always louder. "Are they as soft and fragile as Kill too? Hahaha!"

Kill didn't take that long to punch him. All my other brothers chuckled as Pill fought back, tears in his eye from laughing so much, and Kill, angry as always, pressed him against the floor and threw balls of hellish fire around. They were just so funny sometimes, their fun fights that everyone was always ready for. My favorite brother put his arm around me as we both stared at the scene.

"Yo, Kill's pissed off," Bill yelled, excited as always.

"When isn't he?" I responded. Kill paused his punches to turn to me, eye red like Earth blood, powers charged like a forest fire. Pill still laughed. Loudly. And Hill laughed at his laughter.

"Oh yeah, Will?!" he screamed, louder than Bill spoke, and much less... organized. I smiled and Bill smiled too, at how funny it was to see him nervous. "Then maybe I should be the one sent to Earth! Why do I have to stick to fucking Silverhofnner?! You know I fucking HATE that fucking place, I am SO FUCKING TIRED of their idiotic beings, I don't know HOW I haven't killed all of their universes yet! FUCK! I can't STAND it!

Bill stepped away from me and pulled Kill up into the air, leaving room for Pill to escape. He was still laughing, that foolish funny brother of mine. Kill would have punched Bill too if Gill hadn't held his fist back, holding his wrists tight.

"Easy there, Kill," Bill laughed. Kill stopped fighting against Gill's strength. "If you're so tired of Silverhofnner... why didn't you tell us sooner?"

Pill let out the funniest and loudest laugh ever, and even Dill had a hard time keeping a straight face. I could see the fire burn inside Kill's eye, as he glared at Bill and prepared to yell.

"I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU THAT FOR THE LAST CENTURY, YOU MOTHERFUCKER. FUCK YOU, LET GO OF ME!" And we all burst into laughter, as we usually did. Bill looked back at me and winked, and I smiled even more.

"Okay, woooow," he told Kill, massaging his shoulders in order to calm him down (although it didn't really work out). "Here we go, do you wanna deal with humans too?"

Kill stared at him, frowned eyebrow.

"There are a lot of universes out there, you know..." he continued, and all of my brothers stopped to listen to him. "We don't really need a dumb order, do we?"

Gill nodded, and I felt like he was jealous. I felt like he wanted to be sent to one of the Earth universes too.

"Are you messing with me, Bill?" Kill asked, finally at a volume I nowadays would consider acceptable. "Because if you are, I'm gonna beat the yellow off your face!"

"Fuck, calm down, brother! What the hell!" he chuckled.

"Calm down, brother! What the hell!" That one phrase never did leave my head. I had heard Mabel say similar things to Mason.

"You can get a human Earth too!" he concluded. "It's okay, who the hell cares?"

His plans were so convincing, and back then I had no idea I would regret leaving him in charge. Why did Dream Demons even need someone in charge?

"I don't freaking care," Kill responded, seeing a nod from Bill.

"I don't freaking care either," said my other brother, still trying to stop laughing. "Go to the Earth and show how Kill can really kill, brother!"

Kill turned to him, and then back to Bill. He had finally stabilized, so Gill let him go.

"So I can get a human universe too?"

"Yeah, of course".

Now I knew. Today, I knew. I knew he had been planning to lock me up. And today I knew he had probably locked up Kill as well.

When I finished washing the kitchen, I poured the new products onto the table to start washing everything again. There weren't many places in that mansion in need of washing, and no one would notice.

I chuckled, and I shook my head. I laughed at how dumb all those memories were. I wasn't a Dream Demon anymore, I was a butler. I was a human servant.

I laughed at myself again, at my horrible situation.

"Thanks..." Kill hesitated to say. Bill smiled and patted him on the back twice. He was there for him.

He was there to lock him up for infinity, but he was there. He was always there.

"But if you got mad at other dimensions for being stupid... humans aren't gonna survive a day around you".

Bill flew back to where I was, almost ready to leave. We were almost ready to invade a new reality and edit ourselves into their lives

I heard Master Mason punch his table. Well, Kill's anger was not the one I should be caring about, but maybe...

Maybe none of them were.

I decided to stop thinking, it was hard. But the effect would pass. Or maybe it wouldn't.

Remembering my flawed past was not the way to be a good demon servant. That was not the Will the deal had asked for.

I did not miss any of my brothers. But maybe I missed myself.

Chapter Text

Gideon Pines

I couldn't tell what time it was when I woke up. But I knew one thing. I wasn't dead. "Believe it or not, Gideon. You are still alive."

I did not know where I was, but it wasn't heaven. It was hot and suffocating, but it wasn't hell. Everything was dark and strange, but it wasn't the purgatory. It was worse. It was the real world.

It was what I had not prepared for. It was life. Breathing and being alive. It was the biggest challenge I could go through. And it was what I had to face.

Her eyes met mine and my mind spun and spun. Would she kill me? Would she let me go? Would she hurt me? What would she do to me?

She was speaking. "I love you, you know..."

At that point, I had already reached the deep end. There was no way but up. That was the worst thing to ever happen in my life.

Mabel sat on my lap, stuck to my skin just as much as I was stuck to that chair, those ropes around me. She tied her arms around my neck, pressing her lips against mine. Softly, but harshly. Being harassed by her was delicate, it suddenly didn't feel wrong. She suddenly made it feel right. Her power over me. Her victory over my fate.

My head decided to focus on her. Mabel was all. At that moment, Mabel was everything.

She did not pull away. Not before I could feel the cold blade making its way down my arms, cutting me softly. I was dying slowly in Her arms, losing the ability to breathe, moment by moment. I had given up on screaming. There was no use in screaming if no one was there to hear me.

Only her. She could hear me, she could hear me well.

"I'll always love you. I'm the only one who will love you enough".

It was true. It all was true. Suddenly my head believed everything she said. "Yes, Mabel. Kill me slowly. Make me Yours. My soul, I offer it to You. My heart, it doesn't belong in me. My life? It exists for you. There is no life outside here. There is nothing else besides you".

"I love you too, Mabel".

I felt my head hurt. It seemed like my brain was trying to escape my head. But Mabel would take care of it. She would draw a heart on my skin with her beautiful blades and my damaged skin, and that would fix everything. That pain, the pain we shared, would fix it. It would change it all. And I would laugh. I would laugh with her and our conjoined laughter would fix everything, because that is what life is about. Life is love, and she loved me, with all her heart and blades. She loved me... She would always love me. She promised. Mabel Gleeful loved me, and I loved her with all my heart and blood, suddenly. I loved her with all my life and death.

"I know," she answered, raising her right hand and moving it around, not letting go of our embrace. Blue stars flew around. Beautiful blue stars. I smiled.

She smiled at me, and she laughed. Her blue stars laughed too, I could hear them.

And then she cut my wrist. I instantly closed my eyes in pain but smiled straight after. The stars were there, how could I not?

How could I not smile at the most beautiful thing I had ever seen?

"Look into my eyes, Gideon".

I did. And those were the real stars. The ones Mabel carried in herself. Her blue stars within her colorful eyes. Her magical pair of irises. Her magic. Her Godly magic. Her... I didn't know what, but there was something. Something I was attracted to. Something that kept me there. Loving and admiring her. Something within that magic, definitely something. I didn't need to know what.

I didn't need to know anything. She knew things for me. And I trusted Her. She had my life.

"Do you see it?" I nodded, smiling. What was I supposed to see anyway? All I knew was, yeah, I saw it... Definitely did...

"I see everything," I laughed loudly. Mabel got off my lap, walking around my chair while laughing along. "I see everything, Mabel!"

Did she want me to scream again? Was she going to suffocate me gracefully one more time? What was next in that magical moment? What else held me into that powerful instant, closer to her than ever? And less importantly...

Who was I before? Was I ever someone?

"Exactly," I felt her hand holding mine, behind my back, where the ropes ended. "You see everything, and what is that everything, little Gideon?"

I did not know many things. But I knew what to answer to that question.

My head, my heart, my soul... they all screamed one common answer. The correct one.

"You".

She smiled.

"You are everything".

The pain on my back was enhanced when Mabel hugged me from behind, pulling me towards her and the chair. And I smiled. That was exactly what it was supposed to feel like.

"All you hear," she sounded so soft, and the stars got louder and louder every time she spoke. "Is me. All you see. All you feel. All you are".

"Yes!" I had to laugh. "Of course it is".

It was so clear, so obvious! She walked around the chair again, facing me this time. She was all I could hear, see, feel... what else was there? What else could there possibly be? Deep pain? Complete despair? That was all part of the game.

That was all part of her! Nothing else made sense! Why did she even have to ask?

"Good".

The stars... louder... their shining pieces... so much brighter than before. As I felt her lips against mine once more, I closed my eyes. And how I wished that was the last time I closed them. How I wished my last living vision would be the magic of Mabel's eyes. How I wished my last breath would be right before showing her my love. How I wished she was the last thing I would ever feel. When had I even met her? Did we ever meet? Or had I been made by her? Was I always meant to be hers? What a stupid question. Of course the answer was yes.

Somewhere, underneath all that, was me, the other me. The me who thought I was crazy. The me who thought she was crazy. But that me did not matter. He was buried deep into my head, and he would not come out.

She would not allow him to come out. He and his yelling... his worrying... He didn't know how to live... he was dead already, it was easier without him.

Maybe he had always been dead. He just didn't know yet.

"What do you know, Gideon? Who do you know?"

So easy.

"You're all I know, Mabel".

She was.

"I am", she said. "Yes, I am".

There was something about that moment, the intimacy of being that close to her. Was I even worthy of touching someone so precious? Hell... did I even deserve to look at her? Was she really meant to be stared at by mere human eyes? Because with a force that big... with power and light that bright... she was not like the others. She was bigger. Far better. Far more special, more stunning. More impressive and worth it.

That's what she was. She was worth it.

But how did I, a normal human being in this simple planet we call Planet Earth... have such an amazing chance of adoring someone like Mabel Gleeful? I had to be eternally grateful. I was deeply, deeply, thankful.

Why me? Why not someone more like her? But I was glad. I had always been glad.

I had always been thankful.

"Breathe," she whispered in my ears, inducing me to close my eyes and breathe again. I did. Deep freeing breaths, just like she had asked. Feeling the air come in, the air come out. I was so focused on my breathing that I didn't even notice when she got a stapler and stapled my two thumbs. As a gesture of love. a reminder of how much I mattered to her. After opening my eyes, I stared at her beautiful creation on my light skin. Maybe I wanted to cry. I just laughed but maybe I wanted to cry.

It was stunning! My hand had never looked so beautiful! Bleeding and with those sharp objects inside my fingers... it was so majestically funny!

Something that could easily happen! Something that could happen in school if a student wasn't paying much attention. Something a teacher could do, an aunt, a friend. Something a father could do, even during work. Something so simple, that she turned into something marvelous. Something so... not natural. And oh, it bled so much. It was so red and it burned so so much.

Being with her burned. All the time. Everywhere. Breathing deeply, thinking of a positive word, holding my hands against one another, closing my eyes... that routine my beautiful woman told me to follow, every part of it burned. Deeply and sharply.

She burned. For the lack of a better word, she burned for me.

And hearing her say "I love you, forever. Only me. Only I do". That burned even more. "And I... Did you hear that?"

"What? Your gorgeous flawless tone of voice coming from your stunning red lips? Yeah, I did..."

She touched my mouth and looked around, as if she was confused.

"Did I leave the door open? Do you remember?"

"I believe you have, of course, done the right thi..."

"Shh," I was silenced. "I need to check something".

She got away from me. The feeling her moving away from me was the strongest emotion my body allowed me to feel. Where was she going? Did she want me to scream again so she would come back?

"Hey," Mabel looked at me, hand on the door handle, body on the outside area of the room. "Did you tell anyone you were coming here?"

Anyone? Who would I ever tell? Who would I allow myself to talk to? And who would my mind care to focus on and remember... Who if not you, my almighty God? Who is not you?

"Anyone? Who would I ever tell? Who would I allow myself to talk..."

"What the hell, shut up," she snapped her fingers. My mind shook and I stopped talking, as if she was controlling me not to speak.

Beautifully controlling me not to speak.

"Gideon, did you tell anyone you were coming here?" she asked once again, perfect as always. My head hurt but I had to reply. But had I? Had I told anyone? Was there really such a thing as "anyone"? Was there "someone"?

"Did you?"

Did you? Did I? Had I?

"I..."

"You..."

"Did I?"

"Did you?", her timber... her eyes... She smiled at me, spoke lower and slower. Heaven would forgive me for ever thinking that I could live without her close to me. Heaven would forgive me.

"I..."

"Gideon!"

Both Mabel and I turned to where the mysterious voice had come from. It was a girl's voice? No, a high voice. A higher voice than most voices. It was far, and it sounded like it was coming from underneath us. I stared at Mabel, not sure what to do about it. She did not look at me. She simply rolled her beautiful eyes, visibly annoyed... All I wanted to know was who would have the audacity to cause negative reactions to someone... like her.

"Gideon?! Dipper's here!"

Dipper? Why was the voice from the way down calling for someone else other than Mabel Gleeful? Who was Dipper? Who was Gideon? The Gideon this girl spoke was not the Gideon Mabel spoke. It could not possibly be the same thing. They could not both be my name.

Who was the owner of that voice and why did she have the disgusting decision to steal words from Mabel's mouth... What was she thinking...

"I'll be back. Breathe".

So I did. I obeyed her, of course. Mabel left and I closed my eyes as soon as she closed the door. I couldn't hear her anymore after she went down the stairs. My hands hurt more and more and they were tied behind my back once again, just how she liked them to be. The mysterious voice spoke again and I think it said something directly to Mabel, but I could not hear quite well. The breathing exercise, I remembered. I had to listen to my breathing and my breathing only. I had to do as she told me, until pain could no longer bother me. Until I could feel my heart beat, until I could see the world spin.

"Mabel?!" I think I heard. Was the voice loud or was the breathing wrong? I shut my eyes even tighter, ignoring what was happening. I did hear low noises but I painted them as ignorable.

I tried my best to focus on my breathing. I tried my best not to fail her. But something in my head kept yelling at me, keeping me unfocused. Like a though. Like a lot of thoughts. And ignoring it wasn't helping it, but only making it worse.

I knew it was me. I knew it was the other me. I knew it was my fault, even though it wasn't. And she was going to be disappointed in me. If I didn't fix it.

"STOP," the other me yelled. "STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP. IT HURTS. IT HURTS SO MUCH".

I did not know what he was referring to. Was it the tight rope holding our wrists close together? Was it all the hand bruises? Was it the scratches on our legs, the red eye... the pierced ear? Did he even know what he was talking about? Did he really know what it was that hurt?

Was it the knowledge that we were failing our perfect God? Or was he still faithless?

"What hurts?" I thought, even though I shouldn't have. I stopped thinking and went back to breathing. Breathe deeply, in and out.

And he just screamed. He wouldn't stop screaming. I rolled my eyes, trying to ignore the loudness happening inside my head.

"LET ME GO, STUPID. WHY ARE YOU SO DUMB?" he cried. "WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME?"

He cried more. Although he was not there in a physical sense, you could still easily detect the tears in his voice. He really hurt. He really wanted me to let go.

I heard a loud noise. The breathing was completely cut off once I heard the door in front of me open brutally. I was surprised to find out it was not her.

The owner of the voice was in front of me. She was taller than Mabel. Her eyes were slightly lighter than Mabel's, her hair was blonder, but about the same length. She did not look or feel as marvelous as my flawless God did. She was another mere human like I was. But she wore a headband just like Mabel's. With the same blue stone that Mabel had...

"Gideon!" she yelled that word. Again, it didn't sound the same as when Mabel said it. It didn't even sound like English when someone imperfect said it. "Oh God, are you okay?"

She came running to me, and I closed my eyes as quickly as I could so I could restrain myself from looking at her. I could not betray my God like that.

"Gideon? Talk to me, please?"

I did not react. I could not scream. Not for her. Not for anyone wrong. She untied my hands, and somehow lifted me up from the chair without even touching me. Breathe, breathe, breathe, feel the Earth spin. Feel it spin. Don't let your head wander.

"Gideon, come ON!" she opened my eyes on command. Somehow. I noticed the blue aura around me, and that she, that mere human, was controlling me. Just as Mabel could do.

I was not touching the ground. And with that power thief in front of me, all I could think was: where is Mabel? Where is Mabel? Where is Mabel?

"Are you... Are you BLEEDING?" she put me down. "Gideon, please? What did she do to your head, what did she DO!"

Her eyes got bigger.

"Please. Please. Please say you're there, please do..."

My eyes closed again. Impulse. My eyes shut in impulse. My head turned around. I felt the Earth move. Finally. It worked. The breathing worked.

I felt it spin.

I felt it all. I felt the thief's hand on my bloody arms. I felt the staples inside my skin cut deeper and deeper. I felt my mouth taste bitter and sweet at the same time. I felt my eyes move by themselves.

I felt everything. Except for her by my side.

And that was the pain I was not happy about.

"Be here? Be here? You'll always be where? What are you on about, Mabel? What are you saying, why that? Why that, Mabel, where are you?"

"Gideon?! What are you saying, what did she do to you? Is this BLOOD?" She started crying and shaking me from side to side, with probably a weird objective I did not understand. "Gideon, please!"

"PACIFICA".

"Gideon!" she kept calling. And maybe, just maybe, Mabel wanted me to listen. For what other reason would that girl be speaking that name so much...

Maybe Mabel wanted me to let him go.

Maybe she wanted me to let him be with that mere human.

So I let go.

"Pacifica!"

"Gideon!"

Pacifica held me close, my body shaking and mind shaking even more. I hugged her back with the strongest grip I could manage, and I was thankful.

What had happened to me? Why had that happened to me?

"Gideon! What the hell!" she yelled. And I wanted her to yell. I deserved it. I didn't even care.

Because I had died. I had died and come back.

"I love you so much, Pacifica!" I replied. I don't know how my voice worked. I don't know how, after being out of control for so long, I could control my own speech. I did not know. "I love you!"

"I love you too, Gideon, but what the hell!" we pulled away and I could see the small tears leaving her beautiful hopeful eyes. I loved her so much. "What happened?!"

I was so thankful. For being able to see those hopeful eyes again.

"Why weren't you answering?! Why are you bleeding? Why are you here?"

Those were too many questions for me to try to explain to her. I could not. Not in that state of mind. Not after going through what I had.

Not after dying like that.

"W-What did you mean Dipper's here?"

"He is. But he wasn't where he should have been".

Dipper. When the faithful being took power over my body, I even forgot about that name. Dipper. Was he the reason all had happened? Was he the reason Pacifica was there?

"Pacifica, why are you here? And where's Mabel?"

"Okay, we really need to leave, Gideon. Come here, can you walk?"

I forced myself out of Pacifica's arms, testing to see if I could balance myself on the floor. My left leg hurt like it was badly injured. But maybe it was psychological. My best friend wrapped her arm around me to help me stand up.

"I had a date thing with Dipper today. My idea".

Of course, I thought. We started walking in the direction of the open door, and I could just feel Mabel's presence somewhere, like she was the dragon inside the castle. Like she could attack us at any moment. If we weren't focused enough.

"After you went missing, I decided to still come to the date. But don't think that I'm selfish! My objective was to ask Dipper and Mabel for help".

After I went... missing? What was she talking about... I had been in that state for... minutes? Maybe some hours?

"When I walked in and saw your hat on one of the tables downstairs, I knew something was wrong. I knew you'd be here".

Pacifica started guiding me down the stairs and for the first time, the pain on my legs was stronger than that on my hands and arms.

There was so much to process. Nothing added up.

Maybe that weird me was still present. Still breathing deeply, still feeling the planet spin. Maybe he was still there... keeping me from rationalizing. Keeping me from reality.

"Oh Gideon, I'm just so happy that you're okay. I'm so happy".

Why? Why was that happening? What was happening? Why was she acting like that? I understood that I had been badly injured but still... why did it move Pacifica so much?

"Pacifica".

"Yes?" I could hear her smile. "I know, must be weird after all this, it's alright".

"How long?" I asked. "How long did I go missing for?"

And we were still going down the stairs. And I would not ever expect what was waiting for me on the bottom of them.

"Three days," she said. "Melody was so worried, Gideon. And I was too..."

Three days. Three days that felt like one hour to a lifeless body. Three days that probably messed up my aunt's mind. Three days that probably traumatized everyone who ever cared about me. Three days that made me realize how relative and absolute everything is. At the same time.

How selfish I was. The drama was not only mine.

It was everyone's. I wasn't the only one affected by the Gleeful twins.

Three days.

"There he is".

I looked at him after Pacifica stopped walking. There he was, indeed. Standing near the front door like he was innocent. Like he had nothing to do with all that.

There was Dipper Gleeful, whom my mind really did not want to remember. There he was...

"What the hell! What the hell, WHAT the FUCK!"

He didn't react to my swears, and just kept just standing there, looking at Pacifica with a confused expression. Acting, as always.

"Screw you, Dipper Gleeful, screw you!" I let go of Pacifica's arms, in a movement that even I could not predict. My legs did not resist the big steps I took to try to hit Dipper from afar, so I fell. What had Mabel done to my legs? What had the dumb breathing done to me?

"Wow, hey, be careful," both of them quickly came to pick me up. Dipper held my shoulders and helped Pacifica balance me against her, but I pushed his hands away. "Hey, sorry. Trying to help".

"Thank you so much, Dipper," Pacifica said.

There was so much that she had to explain. There were so many doubts, so many unexplained actions. Why the hell would she thank him? She knew, she knew, she could not deny that I had been kidnapped and brought into that house, where I was tortured, and almost killed.

Pacifica knew. She had seen it! Why was she acting as if none of that was his fault? What had he done to her? They stopped for a moment, probably waiting to see if I'd say something. Or perhaps they were just waiting for me to completely stabilize my posture, so it'd be safe for me to walk. Or perhaps my notion of time was still screwed, and no seconds had passed.

They kept staring at one another, giving me a couple of looks here and there. I did not speak. I could not speak. My mind was too fully empty for me to try producing any sounds.

Seeing them like that, seeing everything that I didn't understand, it felt like I would've rather stay dead.

"Gideon," Dipper said. I closed my eyes in complete disgust.

I wasn't scared of him anymore. Maybe I'd become terrified again after the trauma had passed. But at that moment, all I wanted was to understand what was going on. And not to be scared of him like a wimp.

"Gideon, I'm sorry," he spoke, and I could not believe. "I'm so sorry for my sister's actions. I had no idea".

He lied. I stared at Pacifica and tried to show her how extremely shocked I was to hear that. I wanted him to see how sarcastic I was being. I just wanted him to hate everything about having to pretend to apologize to me.

"You had no idea? You didn't hear me screaming?"

"Dipper wasn't home these days, Gideon. He and his butler spent these last days in the Tent of Telepathy, working on some details for the show".

"Yeah, we're planning a special edition".

Special edition. That man was sick.

"What?" I interrupted. "I can't believe how irrational the two of you are. So you're aware that Mabel has committed a crime, right?"

They did not speak for a while.

"I hope this doesn't come off as rude," he began. "But did you not consent to her actions?"

"What?"

I couldn't breathe suddenly. I tried to remember all the exercises Mabel had taught me but none of them seemed to work well.

"You think that he consented?"

"I... I'm not sure... I'm just... It's hard for me to think that my sister would ever... do anything like that".

Pacifica's expression melted, like she felt bad for him. I had no hopes anymore. Lies. So many lies.

I almost gave up on trying.

"Oh, Dipper," she started. "I'm sure she's... not evil... right? I just... what she did was really bad".

"But I..." I could hear he was hurt. For some reason, he was hurt. Such a good actor. "I don't know, I don't know what to think..."

Dipper put his hand on Pacifica's shoulder, the one that was further away from me.

"Thinking doesn't feel natural after all this drama," he lied, as if he wasn't aware of anything, as if he was the real victim. Pacifica smiled, and I had no idea what to do.

He placed a kiss on her cheek.

"I think you should take Gideon back to his aunt. She's probably dead worried. Try explaining everything to him if you can".

Pacifica nodded.

"I will. Thank you".

They kept smiling. Just like I wasn't there.

"Let Mabel go," she said, removing the headband that she had stolen from Mabel, probably with his help, and handing it to him. "But please. Talk to her".

She sounded mature. She sounded serious. And that wasn't as good as I thought it would be.

She was hurt, definitely changed by what happened to me. It was all different now.

"She's not evil," he said. "She can't be".

I could feel his eyes almost tearing up. What was Dipper Gleeful trying to do to me... I couldn't stand it anymore...

"There's always evil in the good somewhere, Dipper," she replied, and he didn't seem to like what he heard. "Just as there's always good in the evil. And we can always try to find it".

Lies. She was so wrong.

"Go," he spoke, acting getting ridiculously convincing. "I'll fix things".

"I'll fix... this situation. His aunt is so worried. And his parents too".

I even ignored the fact that they had told my parents. I ignored the wonder of whether they cared or not. Ignoring was the best I could do.

"Let's go" was all I could hear Pacifica saying. As we walked away from that logicless situation that the whole world seemed to be involved in, I regretted everything

I knew I was gonna die. I just wanted to stop having conscience once I did.

I didn't know what the world wanted from me. But it had just lost the Gideon Pines I was.

Chapter Text

Dipper Gleeful

There was a moment I realized how stupid my sister really was. It wasn't even funny at that point, kidnapping him? What even was she thinking? What were her objectives, did she even have plans? How could someone like her be related to someone like me?

Besides all the angry I had to pretend to be, I did think what she did was kinda funny. Very funny even.

"I cannot believe you, sister," I told her, and she giggled. Her eyes stared at me like she was proud of her doings.

"Do you mean that as a good or a bad thing?"

That was a good question. Even I didn't know.

"What do you want it to be?"

She smiled, sarcastically.

"Stanford is mad at you, you know," I said, even though that wasn't true. "You should really let your brother take care of things in the future. For your own good..."

"He's really not. And why would I let a man take care of the things I'm perfectly capable of doing?"

I could hear the sweet anger in her voice, how much she wanted me to be mad about hearing that. I loved it when she cursed me, when she called me names.

"Hm..." I started, just searching in my head which of the thousands of rude thoughts I could say to her. "You didn't really handle that well, did you?"

She kept brushing her hair and staring into her mirror, not once looking back to see me.

"Yes, I did?" I wonder if her sarcastic tone of voice ever bothered Stanford... "I don't know what you mean".

"Mabel, come on," I laughed, leaning back against the wooden door in her room. "You tortured and killed all the guys you've ever loved".

"I never loved anyone before him".

"Why didn't you kill him?"

"Because I never loved anyone before him".

"So you really weren't planning on killing him? Right".

"I wasn't," she turned to me for the first time during that conversation. "I told you, Dipper. I told you I was not going to kill this one. You remember that very clearly".

I"You really meant that?"

"Yes," she replied. "I always mean what I say". I shook my head and she turned back to the mirror, once more ignoring my physical presence. I wondered what else I could say to make her angry.

But she spoke first.

"If you love someone, set them free. Isn't that what they say?"

I could not believe her words. I chuckled.

"So you meant to let him go, did you?"

"Yeah, I did, obviously," her red lipstick was reapplied by her gorgeous small hands. "You really think I'd let that dumb blonde do anything to me if I didn't have plans?"

"And what were your plans exactly? You always make fun of me having plans..."

"That's because mine are smart and you just have a need for them. Yours are not natural".

If she wanted my opinion, nothing in my life was natural. I was the only person born with magic in the entire world. But she didn't want my opinion, so it didn't matter to her.

"I knew you were with her," she began, making sure that I would hear everything by almost yelling everything annoyingly. "I don't want to know what your intentions with her are, but it's very clear that you too have built a... fake relationship".

"How do you know it's fake?"

She rolled her eyes, I could see it on the mirror.

"Ignoring that..." my first instinct was to laugh, and she was dead serious. "Trapping Gideon Pines like I did to most of those... worthless boys... wasn't the right thing to do".

"What differs him from all the others? All the other boys you took to the same chair in that same dark room... What is new about him, what makes him not like other guys?"

I saw her close her lip gloss, not putting it back in the same place, and that made my head a little bit annoyed. She turned her chair back to the door, gracefully and slowly, like she was getting started to talk for hours.

I too could spend hours talking about how Gideon Pines was not like other guys. Because even if all guys were pathetic, he somehow had the capability of being much more pathetic than the others. He had that magic. That amazingly stupid way of being powerless.

But I wondered what my sister thought... If there was something we had in common, it was the disgust for most people.

She was insane, she had to be.

"Dipper, dearest brother... You must learn a thing or two about love".

"No way," it was my turn to roll my eyes.

"It's unexplainable, Dipper," said Mabel. "It's not measurable, you jerk. It never will be".

If something was not measurable, if something was not physically of worth, then why did it matter again? Would I ever understand what she wanted to say? And would it freaking matter?

"Gideon was the first. He was the first one who did what I asked him to do. He was the first to close his eyes and breathe. He's the one who drove himself to that state. All I had to do was speak. And be there for him".

Poor Gideon, it really had to be him, huh?

"No one ever listened to me. None of the other ones. But he did".

"That's because he was terrified, Mabel! Don't you get it? " I smiled. She tried to speak but I interrupted her before she could begin. "You're stunning, my sister, but you're too much for boys like him! You need a man that's on your level, both mentally and physically. Boys like him need someone to take care of them, softly and sweetly, so they can begin their comfortable useless lives running away from all their fears. You're smart enough to know that you intimidate them. You always will".

"You are so insensitive, you know?" I knew. "So you can go and date whoever you want, but there's a rule for me?"

That was not what I wanted her to focus on.

"Mabel, the girls I've been with were all planned by m-"

"Exactly".

She interrupted me.

"There's a plan, Dipper. There always is. With us, there's always a plan. We can't live without them".

The Gleeful twins and their only weakness, a strong need for planning ahead. A strong incapability of letting the universe run its course. I read that in her head. Her thought was so strong that it ignored my current state of mind and spoke inside my head loudly.

I didn't remember how loud mind-reading could be. My ears even hurt a little.

"So let me have mine. And I'll let you have yours".

"That's how it's always been... Just make sure our plans don't interfere with one another".

"I will, brother. I will".

Mabel went back to her initial position, staring at her beautiful makeup and extraordinarily symmetrical face. I kept looking at her, like I always did.

I did not know what else to say to her. But without Will to distract me from my own mind, I could not spend time alone with my journals. Or with Stanford. So I stood there. With the person I was made with. With the person I was doomed to live with and love, if only life hadn't been hard on us.

I stood with the person who, despite everything, was my sister.

She would always still be my sister.

"At that point, it wasn't even him anymore," I agreed. "Keeping him here wouldn't do anything".

I smiled, even if I didn't mean it. Even if I didn't know if I meant it.

She smiled back, I could see it on the mirror.

"You know what they say, Dipper. You can't force someone to love you. The best you can do is strive to be someone worthy of loving".

I shook my head.

"What? Who said that?"

"I don't know, someone probably said it".

We did not laugh, but we shared a common feeling. We both pitied each other.

She pitied the fact that I did not love. And I pitied the fact that she did.

"The fact that he wasn't himself anymore..." I started. "Does that mean your trick is working? Or the opposite?"

She laughed.

"The opposite," I nodded. "It needs help, it's still a rough draft".

"It's hard depending on someone else to do something... You must know what that is like".

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked,  although she already knew the answer. "You mean how you depend on me, right?"

She laughed, and I could not control my angry expression, apparently.

"Oh, men and their hilarious need for superiority," she smiled. "Just one little word and your heads go insane. It's so funny".

Mabel got up from her chair, finally. She walked through her large yet unorganized bedroom, right towards me. She fixed her headband with Will's amulet on it, but I did not know whether that action meant anything.

"I have one trick. One trick that can fix you".

"Fix what?"

"Let's see who depends on who".

Her hand went to the top of my head, and I thought that was a well-developed joke. Mabel kept smiling at me, not changing her expression, and I felt absolutely nothing as she fixed the demon curse. I could see the future again, and mind-reading was no longer a broken ability. I didn't know how my sister had developed powers that could compete against Will's, and I wanted to ask him about it. He always knew everything.

"Better?" she asked, but I did not hear. "I was planning on doing this before, but seeing you powerless for a bit was fun".

But again, I also didn't hear that. I was having an intrusive vision that wouldn't allow me to use my body's senses, and it took about ten seconds for it to finish. My head hurt and hurt and then I heard.

"Okay, come back". When I could see again, Mabel still had that smile on her lips.

"I cannot believe this," I said, I really couldn't. "Wow, how?"

"Impressed?" she asked, touching her hair stunningly.

"For once, I am," I replied. "Very impressed".

"I read a lot, brother".

Honestly, I was more intrigued than impressed. Pride was part of what I felt for her, along with other confusing emotions. The fact that she managed to do that all by herself did annoy me slightly, obviously.

But she fixed my powers, and having them back hurt more than not having them, my brain punched my head from the inside.

"Thank you, sister".

"You're welcome, brother".

I could read her mind again, it was freeing.

"Stop thinking about Pines," she smiled. This time, I hated that smile.

"Never," she whispered, laughing loudly right after. Her thoughts of Gideon Pines were disgusting. She imagined him showing his teeth, touching his hair, running with her...

And again, she made me sick to the core. It was still hard to believe Mabel was not going to kill a man she promised to love, I still wanted to puke at the thought of them together, and the same old questions remained: What? Why him?

"My dear sister, always falling for the weak ones..." I joked. Maybe she just craved superiority, too.

"Take that back".

"Take what back?"

"Take it back, he's not weak! " she replied. "He's just sensitive, is all. If I wasn't so busy I'd visit him and say I love him very much and can protect him".

"Busy with brushing your hair or putting on lipstick?" she rolled her eyes at my question. "Well, I'm not busy, so can I visit him and pester him?"

"Don't you have 'plans'?" she asked.

"Yeah, many," I replied. "And one of them involves going to the Mystery Shack to hang out with a certain someone".

I could almost hear her making fun of me in her head. The way she slowly smiled and moved her head sarcastically made me wonder why Gideon would not consent to being tortured by someone like her. Getting close to Pacifica so I could hurt Gideon wasn't one of my most important plans, but it was definitely the funniest one. And seeing how she said yes to every date I asked her to...

"You can do your disgusting plans, but if I can't kill Pacifica, you can't be bad to Gideon," I laughed. "He's probably still hurt from the effects so he won't like you showing up to his house".

"Hm, my point exactly?" Mabel rolled her eyes, and her mind went back to the only thing she cared about as much as she currently cared about Gideon: work. "And, killing Pacifica? Why is that part of your plans?"

"It's really not, yet. But it could be".

She giggled, and I smiled at her, knowing that if she killed Pacifica anonymously, the fault would be thrown at me.

Maybe her plan was not to see Pacifica drown, but me.

I closed Mabel's door, leaving her alone to do whatever research Stanford asked her to do, and totally ignoring the things he told me to study. As I walked to my office, two text messages from one Pacifica Southeast. "Of course!" one of them said. "When do I pick you up?"

I wished I could read people's minds through technology. And I wished the future vision repairing itself didn't hurt so much.

But I did not need them to know exactly what Pacifica was thinking. And exactly what the future would be like.

"Seven" I replied. She said okay and sent me a couple of emoticons, but I did not respond. I went inside the office, ready to choose what perfect outfit for that situation would be. Although she would compliment me despite the shirt I was wearing, despite the shoes I chose. The reverse of Mabel, I suppose, who told me to wear suits and made fun of what I wore all the time.

I saw William when I opened the door. He was cleaning, even though I had told him that I prefer doing my own cleaning at my office, and he did not look at me.

But he knew it was me.

"Guess what," I called, walking towards the closet doors in the room. "My powers are back".

William did not seem surprised. And he did not seem to want to reply. William did not seem to enjoy anything at that moment, really.

"That's fortunate, Master".

I knew that he replied only because the subject was related to my powers. I knew that had it been anything else, he would not have replied.

"He's not here, you know," I looked at every single dark shirt I found, trying to make my choice. "Stanford is out for the whole day".

Will was quiet. He just stood in silence for some seconds, looking around the room and the objects he was cleaning.

"He is. He went out," repeated Will.

"Doesn't that mean that I'm in charge today?"

I knew it didn't. But I hoped he didn't know it didn't.

He was still speechless, and I had never thought I would see him like that, not knowing what to do. He allowed himself to leave the room, and I was not glad he did.

"Of course, Master," he said before he left. "I should not have cleaned your office, I apologize".

William lied and left the room, using my own words against me as if he didn't know what I meant to tell him. Before he completely closed the door, I warned him:

"I can read your mind, William".

Night fell and I was ready for my date. I decided to wear black pants and a purple button-up shirt, so that I wouldn't be known for only wearing blue. I combed my hair back and tried to look as presentable as I possibly could, knowing that I was incredibly smart and strategic, and that I had to look my best, although it did not entirely matter.

Fights are different when the main weapon is yourself, they really are.

Pacifica was six minutes late, just as my future vision said she would be. I noticed she didn't have much sense of distance, or time itself. I walked down the stairs to greet her, and from how healthy and well-rested she looked, I imagined that Gideon Pines was recovering, and that all the drama had passed. She didn't have blood in her eyes anymore, her hair was colorful again, she was herself again, although it did not entirely matter. It was just an observation.

I could see her long blonde hair, braided with colorful ties around it. She had a wide smile and she spoke to Will, who had opened the door for her, as if he was an old friend of hers. She also had a jumper on top of a pink dress, which did not strike me as the most fashionable choice, but it would contrast well with my dark clothing. Will pointed at me as soon as he saw me and Pacifica followed his guidance. She froze her eyes on me, and I waved politely. She didn't wave back, but she did smile. Her braces were extremely colorful, I noticed again. But somehow, it went well with her. She went well with herself, despite her strange choices and incompetent head. I finished walking down the stairs and went in her direction, and Will said he would leave and went to another room, leaving me alone with the prey.

"Hello, Southeast," I grabbed her hand and kissed it gently. She stared at me with wide eyes and tried to hide how happy she was. But she couldn't. I had understood everything, she couldn't mask it anymore.

"Hi, Dipper! I'm happy you asked me out again! I mean, can I call it asking out? I mean, please, give me a second, I can do this".

Pacifica then put me in a situation which had never happened before. After I agreed, she turned around and breathed deeply about three times, leaving me confused. She turned back to me.

It was funny. I couldn't deny.

"Phew, I'm okay now. Let's do this again, hi!"

"Hi, Pacifica," I smiled "How are you?"

And then, it was working. All of it was. We talked for some time and then went out together. I actually had no idea where to take her, so she chose the diner in which Robert Corduroy worked. I accepted going there, thinking it would be weird to see Robbie again after not mocking him in such a long time. I hoped Wendy wouldn't be there with him, so that she wouldn't see me with Pacifica.

She did talk a lot. After being part of that fake connection for a short but memorable time, I knew how to deal with her already. I had to laugh, always laugh, because a funny guy is what her heart desired. I also had to make her laugh, so she could see how amusing I really was and fall in love with me faster. And that was why I hated couples so much. I laughed at her jokes again.

I never was a talkative person, but she seemed to master the art of conversation in a way I had never seen anyone do. She spoke about random things and asked about even more random things, so there was no way for anything to go wrong, there were no mistakes to make. And every time she asked me what my "favorite" something was, I had to either make it up or have her laugh at me for not having a favorite. She was so incredibly different from Gideon Pines, and my mind didn't make it clear if that was a positive thing or not.

We arrived at the diner, me with her by my side, holding onto my arm like they did in the movies. Robbie was there, and his manager was very angrily yelling at him. Apparently, he was late. And the reason was obvious.

"Work drama going on?" I said. Pacifica sipped her milkshake and replied:

"Must be. Do you ever have that?"

"Work drama?" I asked. "My whole work is a drama, Southeast. Drama is a work".

I believe she understood. After watching my show, how could she not?

Pacifica did not ask about Mabel. I had already lied to her on the phone about that whole situation. And unsurprisingly, Pacifica believed it. And she believed in Mabel. She said that she trusted Mabel could get better, that she could "find the light" or something. She thought Mabel could actually change, she wholeheartedly believed in that.

I smiled at her, still drinking the blue milkshake she had chosen for us. She seemed to be moved by my action, also unsurprisingly. I was thinking about something to say, but she was faster.

"Hey, how come you and Mabel live all alone with that butler? Aren't you seventeen?"

Needing to know that which would not make any difference in their personal lives. Hiding Stanford's existence was his choice, not mine. So dealing with having to explain that was annoying.

"Oh, you know," I started, completely unsure of whether she did know. "Dead mom, abandoned by father, all that disaster I said that damaged Mabel".

She nodded, like she always did in response to serious subjects like those. I adored every part of talking to Pacifica.

"William is paid to take care of us".

"And who pays him?"

"Distant cousin, lives in Venice," I lied again. "He can't take care of us".

She smiled, nodding again.

"You're from Venice?" I nodded. "I like William. He reminds me of someone".

I stared at her, clueless.

"Who?"

"I'm not sure, but I feel like I've seen him before," I nodded again. "Or someone similar... But it might be just my head".

I smiled at her, knowing it was definitely her head. Her weird aloof head, which escaped my understanding of human nature. Of the dumb part of human nature, definitely.

"Maybe it was a model or something. He's really beautiful".

"Not as much as you".

I kept staring at her, and her cheeks went even more red from complimenting me. I held my smile and she held hers. She did not take it back, she did not cover her face. So I said it back.

"Not as much as you either".

It was late when I started walking her home, and we would have spent even more time together if it hadn't been for Pines calling her non-stop. She, of course, was worried for him still, and I could see that.

The Mystery Shack was still open, as it seemed. The lights on the outside were still bright, despite the time on the clock. The wood just looked so old, I wondered how it stayed up.

Pacifica laughed at my comment.

"I heard that Soos Ramirez built the Shack himself!" she told, excitedly.

"Wow, it takes a strong arm, I guess!"

"Yeah!" she said, giggling right after. I took my hands out of my pockets so I could hold hers and say goodbye in a proper way. I smiled weakly, hoping Gideon was watching from his window, and she smiled back.

"Here we are, you're welcome for the ride," and she chuckled in glee.

"Hope I didn't talk too much!"

"I love hearing you talk," and she blushed even more. "So I'll see you soon?"

"See you soon, Dipper!"

Before I let her go and run towards the front door, I kissed her. Her lips felt as sweet as her smile and as soft as her hands, if a description is needed, and her aroma was pleasing. I held her lips against mine for about ten seconds, until we both, in perfect synchronicity, let go of one another.

I looked at her face and she looked at mine. We had the same expression, I believed. Pacifica pecked my lips twice more before going. I waved at her before she closed the door.

Chapter Text

Gideon Pines

There wasn’t much my head could think about anymore. Maybe some bad memories here and there, some mild hallucinations sometimes… but nothing I used to be before was left. I had no will to try to feel safe again anymore.

I wanted to leave the town, I wanted to beg my father so I could just go away and forget about all that. I was stuck, there was nowhere to go, no one to tell anything to. Anything I did would cause something terrible to happen to me, and it was hard to measure which of the outcomes were less worse.

She had destroyed me in a way that no one would be able to ever forgive, and no one would be able to fight either.

I thought about what would happen if I told anyone. Would people even believe me if I said Mabel Gleeful did terrible things to my head and took advantage of my state to touch me and hurt me? Or would they just think that I’m pretending, that I’m just interested in money and I’m a liar and she never did anything negative in her life and I’m the bad guy and it’s all my fault and.

With every step I took, even if planned well, I could be driving myself towards my biggest nightmare. I was lost in the hands on two people I had done no harm to, simply because they believed they had the power and permission to mess with people like that. Because they believed it didn’t matter, and they never thought about what other people might feel.

I considered killing my body so I could win. I considered dying so they could know what they did. So Mabel could notice that she wrecked my head. So Mabel would realise how much she changed me, and how much I wish she hadn’t done.

But Pacifica would be sad.

She came home late that night. She told me Dipper Gleeful had kissed her, and I told her that I was surprised at that but I really wasn’t because I had seen them through the bedroom window. Dipper did not seem like he would hurt her anymore, but I could not be sure. I couldn’t simply give up and let them see each other, he was a great actor after all.

But I had no desire to. I had no courage to do anything anymore. I thought that maybe I should just stop bothering them and let them have a life of their own. Even if it sounded mental.

God, it did sound mental.

She slept fast, with a smile on her face. Even if I couldn’t really smile, I was still happy for her, truly. The white bandages she tied around my fingers were starting to itch, but I couldn’t sleep without them or she would be mad at me. So I kept them. And I also didn’t sleep.

I remembered her every time I closed my eyes. I remembered her eyes, her expression, her words, what she did, what she said, what I could have done. God, I always imagined what I could have done. My mind wouldn’t stop playing it. The image of everything happening all over again, except this time, I’m successful.

I could have said no to her message.

I could have told her I loved her.

I could have run away when she kissed me.

I could have tried to leave the chair.

I could have screamed louder.

I could have let Dipper kill me on the night of the show.

There was a lot I could have done but wasn’t able to. Because I’m dumb. Because I trusted her. Because I was stupidly “ready to die” like an idiotic coward. Because I was dumb, very dumb.

I also could have slept that night. Pacifica woke up very early, so I had to pretend to her that I had woken up even earlier. But she knew it wasn’t true.

"You want me to believe that you slept?" she asked, and yes, I did want her to believe that I had slept. "Gideon, you look like a vampire! And not the hot kind!"

She giggled. But I couldn’t appreciate it.

"I did ," I lied. "I did sleep. But not a lot".

"You should sleep more, Gideon. Is this about your dad?"

"My dad?" I asked, my mouth perfectly mirroring my thoughts for once. "Pacifica, I was tortured".

"But is it about your dad too?" she asked again. "I know you spoke to him yesterday".

I did not reply. Maybe I did think of him sometimes. Maybe his words came back to my head one time or another, saying I was worse than he ever thought I was for “giving Melody all that hard work”

"I care about you a lot," she said. "I know how moved you are by all those dad stuff".

She breathed in.

"Do you want me to talk to him? Just like when we were kids…"

No. No, I didn’t. I didn’t want Pacifica to be involved. I didn’t want him to yell at her again. I didn’t want to see his angry eyes judge the most special person in the entire world. I didn’t want any of it to happen again, and the fact that she just wouldn’t understand that... it was infuriating.

But I didn’t reply. I thought saying no to her could be harsh. And also useless, since she mostly ignores my denials.

Maybe it was a good thing. Maybe she was doing what was right for me.

Pacifica held my hand in assurement.

"Gideon. It’s okay to be upset about more than one thing at once, you know?" Of course I didn’t know. "When one emotional outburst happens, other problems seem to come back up, we tend to give them more attention than we should... It’s our responsibility to choose how we’ll feel about each emotion. It’s our job to choose whether we’ll embrace it, bottle it up… fight through it... It can be hard to forget. It can be hard to get used to it.”

She continued.

“But that’s what makes you a human being. Emotion.”

I always had a fantasy of not being a human. I always silently wished I could be a machine, letting a piece of perfect metal take care of my body and just shut down my heart forever. It wouldn’t be death, but rather the opposite.

That would be real life. Not having feelings. Not having emotions. What good are those for?

If we need to fight through something so “natural”, why did we even accept it at all?

I would have held Pacifica close, if it wasn’t for my head feeling numb for a slight second. As I wished for my sentiments to cease to exist, it was like they paused for a moment. The most relieving instant of my life, I would say.

I felt nothing towards her. I felt nothing towards Mabel. I barely even remember it anymore.

I felt nothing towards me or anyone. I just felt nothing.

And even if it didn’t “feel” like anything, it still felt right.

Pacifica didn’t hold me either. There was no hug, no kiss, nothing more than holding one hand, and it felt comfortable. We didn’t need anything else to reinforce our friendship. Or whatever it was that she wanted to do.

I stared at her eyes, I think, while she didn’t speak for a while. What was the point of talking again? What did she want me to say?

"I know you’re not the most emotional guy in the world".

I kept looking into her irises. And she kept holding my hand.

"But I know that your dumb heart feels stuff deep down".

"Must be very deep down," she giggled.

Images of Mabel came to my mind again. What if it was all a dream? It didn’t feel real after all… I stared down at my hand and counted my fingers. 5, like always, it wasn’t a dream. Unfortunately.

"It’s alright to talk about your dad you know that," she said. "Especially with me, right?"

I wanted to yell. But my head knew it was hopeless, even if I was dumb.

"I’m not thinking about him. He's not the reason I’ve been sleeping badly. You know what is".

"It can be more than one thing, and we can solve them one by one".

Like there was a way to solve anything. Pacifica needed to know that there were winners and there were losers. There always would be.

"It’s not my fault that my father acts like that".

 From the way she reacted, I wondered if I had really said the right thing. I watched closely as she moves her eyes around, processing.

"It’s not your fault Mabel acted like that either".

I didn’t answer, and she didn’t enjoy that.

"Gideon?!" she said. "You know it’s not your fault, don’t you?"

I didn’t answer once again, and I didn’t care in the slightest. I let the imaginary metal take control, leading my choices wisely and emotionlessly. I think I smiled softly at her, but I can’t be sure.

"Stop!" she continued, even though I hadn’t said anything in relation to what she asked.

It was funny, seeing her react like that, moved by her heart rather than cold logic, and sense that what she was doing was weird and would take the conversation nowhere important. Maybe it was hard, being like she was, thinking like she did. Maybe she didn’t care about how hard it was? Who the hell cares… 

"I mean, I was kinda stupid. Kinda reckless…"

"You couldn’t have known, Gideon," Pacifica assured. "No one could have known".

At least two people could have known. And one being me proved even more that I didn’t lack the possibility to prevent the situation.

If I knew that she was bad. And I knew that place was bad. Then why did I do it. Why did I pretend I knew what I was doing.

Why didn’t I just let it go away like a normal person would have.

I could have solved everything if I had just been 1% smarter. But I wasn’t.

Hence, it was technically my fault. I knew. I had known.

"There was nothing you could have done".

She stated, completely unaware.

"Yeah, there was," I stated, much more aware. "I should’ve known".

"You don’t have to always know, Gideon. You need to stop pressuring yourself. She seemed good. Anyone would have done what you did.

Mabel Gleeful really was something. If only I hadn’t been stupid enough to fall for her lies, which weren’t even disguised as anything. If only?

I smiled, even if I didn't mean it. Even if I didn't know if I meant it.

She smiled back, I could see she was happier now.

"You know what they say, Pacifica. Trust no one".

She shook her head.

"What? Who said that?"

"I don't know, someone probably said it".

We did not laugh, but we shared a common feeling. We both were thankful for one another.

She was thankful that I was still alive. But not as thankful as me, whom she hadn’t given up on.

"But what about me, huh? Why can’t you trust me?" she asked, and I wanted to tell her everything I knew… I wanted to tell her as bad as I wanted to before.

I wanted to tell her about him. I wanted to tell her about his words, about his eyes focused on that… book. I wanted her to know everything that I had gone through with that man. That man who she would do anything for.

I stared at her.

"I trust you," I said. "I trust you".

"Then trust me when I say this: nothing is your fault. And I trusted you. You said you’d be back soon. 'Yeah. I'll be back soon', you said. 'I'll be back soon, I’ll be back soon'. Do you know how much time I kept trusting that?" Pacifica’s speech was harsher now, as if she was holding herself back from either crying or yelling. "During all that time, Gideon... During all that time I spent looking for you. Shouting your name".

I kept looking for a hint of redness on her face, but Pacifica really was controlling it. She really was in full control over her feelings.

"During those minutes Dipper and I spent fighting Mabel. During all the hurtful conversations on the phone. During the terrifying trip to the local police... I kept trusting you," she repeated. "Because you told me you’d be back soon".

“Yeah. I'll be back soon”. And yet, I couldn’t be grateful for living up to my promise.

"So I trusted you to be. And I could not accept that 'I’ll be back soon' would be the last words Gideon Pines would ever say to me".

I didn’t expect anything different. I didn’t expect Pacifica to be the same than before, even if she could look the same. I didn’t expect her to have trusted in my words. I spent so much time obsessing over death and how absolute my death was that I ended up believing that everyone would know. Straight away. There would be no waiting. There would be no sorrow notes sent to anyone. There would be no actions besides acceptance.

I expanded my own little world so wide. And I convinced myself that everyone would know. I convinced myself that it would be a common thought. I didn’t have to worry so much about Pacifica’s cries. I didn’t have to worry about her lament because, it was not about the aftermath.

I had to worry about her discovery. The shock of the moment.

And that is what death was all about.

I tied my hands around hers again, overthinking the real meaning of fear. The real meaning of knowledge and of all goods. I felt nothing, and that was not the point.

I had found it all out. And I could not even trust myself.

Three days. Three days felt like infinity without her.

I thought about what forever without Pacifica would feel like.

"There was an accident, you know".

"Which accident?" I could feel her hand trying to let go of mine, but I held it closer and with more strength. Pacifica was getting used to my uncontrollable reflexes.

"Somebody fell off the bridge".

I stopped. I didn’t respond.

"Fell off, jumped off, we’re not sure…"

I responded.

"What?"

"When we went to the police station on the second day, they told us," she began. "A body had been found. Unrecognizable".

Unrecognizable.

"They would not share any major details with us. But the person had white hair".

I let go of her hand. Pacifica reached over to the side of her bed to grab something, and I couldn’t try to produce any words.

I couldn’t procces how low the odds were. The chance an accident that big. Happening at that exact time period, at those exact circumstances. With those exact details.

Maybe Mabel had done it. Maybe she tried to fake my death. So I could be stuck with her forever. Dead.

"The picture on the newspaper doesn’t show the body, of course," and she handed it to me. I stared at the scenes illustrated on the pages, paying a lot of attention but also paying no attention at all. My hands shook in a natural reactions, and so did my lips.

The ground, grassy and alive as usual. The trees, as green and tall as they were before. Life existed for everyone, no matter if the person was dead or not. Life did not wait, it did not stop. It never did.

Not for me, not for her, not for Dipper, not for that person. Not for anyone.

"I guess they might’ve been testing for DNA or something, we saw white hair inside the jars. We saw it".

"May…" I tried to fight through my lips’ natural urge to lock themselves. "Maybe it wasn’t white. Maybe it was blonde or something".

"It was white," she affirmed.

"Wasn’t it… grey?"

"White, Gideon. It was white".

I shook my head, agreeing with her words.

Even though I didn’t want to.

"You thought you lost me".

"I didn’t!" she did. "I trusted you to be back".

She smiled.

"I knew you would be back soon".

Our eyes met and I ignored her words.

"I’m sorry," I said. "I’m really sorry".

But I said that in my head, and not to her.

"Why didn’t you tell me that before?" I complained.

"There’s a lot happening, Gideon. You don’t want all the details to mess with your head right now".

But of course, it was already too late. My head was as messed up as it could be. And she knew. She knew the reaction that would have on me. She knew I would’ve keep thinking about it, trying to look for answers where there isn’t supposed to be any. Pacifica would’ve known if a cadaver was mine. And she would’ve seen the correct colors. She would’ve paid attention to every detail about that mystery. She would’ve done all that and she knew it, she always did. I didn’t want to let go of that newspaper on my hands, given it was the only excuse I had for not having to look her in the eyes, so I kept staring at the scene, more and more each time.

Flashbacks came back to my mind. Her face was less and less clear to read with every moment that passed. I still thought about what could’ve happened if I had been smarter. I still thought about what would happen after all that.

She wouldn’t let go, would she? It’s not like she would stop.

"You’re thinking about it," Pacifica said. "Please do not think about it".

"How can I not think about it?" I asked, but only in my head.

"I was scared, Gideon. Anyone would be," it was true. "But I didn’t give up on looking for you".

I wondered why. I wondered why she kept looking for me. I wondered why she didn’t search for me in their house straight away. I wondered how she felt, finding out about her crush’s mischievous sister, and I wondered how she could have forgiven him.

I questioned how Pacifica did that. How she trusted so easily.

She grabbed the newspaper back.

"That’s crazy" is all my mind could force me to say. It was crazy, after all. Gravity Falls was crazy.

"It really is!" she repeated, trying to sound as calm as possible. "But I guess things are getting more serious now".

I wondered if she noticed. That I knew I was going to die before I disappeared.

"They are?" I asked, but of course they were.

"Yeah, this puts all in perspective, you know?"

But of course I didn’t know.

"Like, we’re not immortal, we’re not invincible, anything could happen at any time".

She didn’t sound as crazy as I would sound if I were the one saying all that. Pacifica had this ability of speech, that made everything that came out of her mouth sound completely natural, as if she was following a script we all had already read.

"We’re changing, Gideon. We’re growing up".

And that, was when she almost started to cry.

Pacifica didn’t like growing up. As adventurous as she might’ve been, she hated change. In her ideal world, no one would ever be in danger. No one would be temporary, we’d all be there to stay. Pacifica’s ideal world went against reality in such a strong way that she, for the most part, decided to ignore the real world.

Pacifica had always been a fan of fantasy.

And she did not want things to change.

"We’ll have to grow up eventually. I should’ve listened to you".

I think I shook my head. As much as I had always wanted Pacifica to admit that I was right and that maturity was important, that didn’t feel good. It didn’t really feel right.

"I have to be more serious, I know that," she said, slightly mistaken. "Especially now, with Dipper. I feel super guilty".

I stopped to notice.

"I never knew why you didn’t like Dipper," she started, and my eyebrow went up trying to find out what was going on with her. "But well, when I went to his house, I found something".

I waited for what else she would say. Had she noticed? Had he told her? Had her opinions finally changed? I prayed that yes, they had.

Pacifica put the newspaper we shared somewhere under her bed, and grabbed her backpack.

"I hope this was Mabel. I hope he’s not a thief".

My eyes immediately went wide. I grabbed the object, shocked by what she had done for me. I couldn’t believe it.

"I saw you leave the show with this. And I saw him going out behind you".

She had seen it.

Pacifica gave me a small hug, and she left the room. I was left alone with no reaction. Holding the journal he had stolen from me with my own hands.

Chapter Text

Will Cipher

The sun shone the same way and at the exact time it always did.

There was never anything interesting in the human realm. There was no true fun, no way to achieve happiness… And what even were those feelings anyway? And why did my body… my brain… the organs I’d been given, worry so much about those? What were they? Why did I need them? I didn’t need happiness. I didn’t need glee, or euphoria, or whatever words would be better.

I was a demon. And I was stuck in a dimension. I had nothing to be happy about, nothing which I could lie to my body about.

I thought about me having stayed in the nothing, and about how that complex universe felt emptier than inexistence sometimes.

Emptiness. That was a human feeling that described me well.

Master Stanford called me over really early in the morning, as he usually did, and I hoped he wouldn’t ask me to go out in the rain.

“Hello, Will,” he began. I knew everything he was going to say, of course. “How are you today?”

He was usually polite towards me, very professional. “I’m good. How are you, Master?”

He took just one glance at me and asked: “is that another black eye?”

“No,” I told the truth. “It’s an old one”.

“You speak so carefully about it…”

I nodded.

“So I take it you haven’t been with Mason, huh?”

“Yeah. I’ve been away from him,” I replied. “Just like you told me to”.

“Good,” he finished.

I nodded my head. Humans seemed to do that very involuntarily, and I was starting to be just like that too.

What was next? Eating bad food? Taking hot showers? Was I going to become even more human than I had already? Was it going to get harder from now on to go back to who I really was?

How much more human was I doomed to become? Was I doomed to even forget I have powers, having to succumb to mortality?

I didn’t give the slightest of a fuck, if I was going to be honest with human words. Why would it even matter? I’d be stuck with the man — or better, boy — I had the deal with until he inevitably died, and then what?

What would I do? What would happen to me? Would my human body cease to exist? Was the deal with Mason Gleeful the only thing keeping my human vessel alive? Did I exist anymore outside of it? Was I still a dream demon, just forbidden from using my powers and from going outside? Or had I become one of them? Had I become worse than them, had I become nothingness?

Was I just a filler for that meat body I used to walk around the house? Did I have to obey them, or would nothing ever be worth it?

What was I getting back from the deal with the Gleeful family? Having a human body? Slowly turning into one of them? If that was a deal then it was the worst one ever invented.

The hardest part was Master Stanford. He was older, smart, more stable than the other two. Madam Mabel was young and controlling. She would talk to me for hours and hours, while I played with her hair, helped with holding her clothes, or anything else she asked me to do. Mabel used me for what she didn’t know she wanted to have: a boy her age to serve and love her. I was there, serving, attending to every single request because humans were that easy.

Mason was… complex. He too was smart, and young, and controlling.

But maybe too controlling of himself.

The hardest part was obeying both him and his uncle, as their orders never lined up. What was that that they felt, hatred? It wasn’t the same hatred Mason had for me, that’s for sure. He didn’t beat Stanford back when he received a slap on the face, or a hard hand down his shoulders. That couldn’t be the same hatred that made Mason yell at me, bang my head against a wall, just to control his own feelings. And if it wasn’t the same then what was it? Was it sadness? Was it longing for the woman in between them who had died long ago, longing for the father who had run away and left the children behind? Why did Mason always tell me how much he wished Stanford would die, why did he write it down on his diaries so much?

That couldn’t be hate. Maybe it was just control. Or anger. Or both…

It didn’t matter, because at that time I had an answer to give. “What about Mabel?” he had asked, wanting me to break, wanting me to admit I was bad, to apologize to him. “I haven't been with her either,” I lied.

He breathed in. “So you didn’t help her with this shit, huh?”

I was scared. Terrified, even. “No”.

“Then… where were you?”

I didn’t know what to answer. For once, I couldn’t even try. I couldn’t begin to explain why, and how, I managed to maintain all the smaller deals I had inside the biggest and most important deals, I couldn’t discuss who was bigger or better than who and get involved in things like human familiar issues and I just couldn’t. There was just no way to justify to that 70-year-old man why I helped his children so much, why I bothered with them so much. There was no way to tell Stanford that I was scared of failing them, that I even could fail them, for no reason at all besides being nothing, and feeling nothing. There was no way to explain my thoughts because they simply didn’t come together. The only way Stanford could understand was through being me, through going years and years in complete isolation, and through feeling the light finally appear, just to be stuck once again.

“Where were you, where were you,” where was I? Was I home? Was the place I lived in, breathed in, and slept in, my home? But why? Was it because Mason was there? And if so, because I sadly cared about him or because he held the curse which kept me alive? Could I even die anyway? Could I even try? Would it hurt? Would it hurt to try?

“Where were you…” My mind was somewhere, definitely. It was in me, and all the questions, and all the nothing and the too much. It was in all the doubts and the incapability to explain anything because I couldn’t understand a thing myself. It had been so little… I had come back to life so little ago… Maybe I needed one more thousand years, or one million, so then everything’d balance itself out.

Of course Stanford would find out. The whole town knew the kid was missing, the whole town was out looking for him while the sweet Gleeful Twins hid away and planned how they would make him not talk. The blonde girl ruined anything they would’ve decided on, she was smart.

“I was working. As you asked me to,” I tried. If he was anything like his nephew he would’ve busted my nose already. Human bones, so simple and easy to break. And pain had stopped being fun.

“Working, huh?” he kept asking. He never seemed to stop talking whenever things went wrong. “Yes, Master,” I said.

He didn’t say anything more. Mason would’ve manipulated me to speak. Mabel would’ve laughed at me.

“Do you wish me to do anything, Master?”

“I’d like some tea, please. Herbal”.

I bowed down to him and left the room, sighing. God, sometimes he could scare me. Sometimes he made me feel like he was capable of a lot of things, and that was a bad human thing that was happening to me too: inferiority.

I could kill him. Five years ago, I could kill him. I could send him to a dimension where he’s nothing but a bloody target for the worst nightmares imaginable to prey on. Five years ago, when I wasn’t human, but was a demon stuck in the emptiness, I could’ve used my sadness to destroy him completely. I could’ve wrecked humanity in the blink of an eye.

But I didn’t. Because nothing was easy anymore. Because I was now one of them.

I was humanity. I had everything that one needed to have to be a human. I was a human, in every single way.

I came back to him with the tea. He drank it. “How does that taste, my Master?” I asked in a bright young way. I couldn’t care less what he actually thought of my herbal tea. What even was herbal anyway?

“It’s good,” I thanked him. “Now tell me everything”.

And there it was again. What would make Mason hit me. Him, wanting to control his nephew and niece.

“About Gideon?”

“Yes. You can start there”.

I tried to be vague. After all, I could use the fact that I hadn’t seen Mason to justify why I knew almost nothing. And quite honestly, that wasn’t a hundred percent untrue. Mabel and Mason… their development with Pines and Southeast… I wasn’t understanding exactly what was the nature of each of those relationships, but I tried to explain it to Stanford. “Mason is friends with Gideon Pines’ best friend,” I said. “Mabel is friends with Gideon”.

“Friends?” he asked. “Nothing more?”

“Not that I know of. Although she likes him, as you must’ve noticed”.

“Yes, she mentioned him at our last meeting…” Stanford looked at the floor, seemingly thinking of what to say. “She didn’t tell you about her plans?”

I shook my head. He seemed to accept that truth, although it didn’t sound like one.

“Strange”.

Yes. Very strange.

A girl trapping a guy inside her house was strange, and that was what Stanford knew. He didn’t know about the torturing, or the mind control, or anything that the twins did for evil, besides the killings on stage. What he knew was strange enough, but it wasn’t everything. If he knew, and if he knew that I was aware of all that, he would kill me.

“William. Take me to them”.

I understood what he meant. “Alright”.

He and I walked together. He didn’t like to be out, he never always was, so he was glad it was night and that nobody could see us. “Do you think they’ll be awake?” he asked. “Yes”.

We arrived at the Mystery Shack where they lived, and knocked twice on the door. A young girl opened it.

“Uh, hey. Will?”

It was Wendy Valentino. She wore less black than she did last time I saw her.

“May we come in?” Stanford asked.

Wendy shook her head, still looking confused. “We’re closing, man. Leaving right now”. Stanford nodded. “Then may I speak with Gideon Pines?”

Wendy stared him up and down. Maybe she had never met Master Stanford. Maybe when she and Mason were friends, he never got the chance to introduce his uncle. “Uh, sure. I’ll get him”.

“Thank you…”

“Wendy,” she said. “Be right back”.

She walked inside the shack and came back to the door seconds later, holding a black backpack and her phone in hands. “He’s coming down”.

“Thank you, Wendy”.

“Sure,” she whispered, finding a way through me and Stanford and walking out the door. Eight in the evening, the end of her shift there.

I could almost smell Pines coming. Him walking down the stairs, him wondering who was at the door. What had Wendy even said? “Will, Dipper’s friend, is here”. What would Gideon even think of that? I could almost smell him walking to the door, opening it and coming out to look at us.

But of course, that was only in my head.

He arrived. Scared, he was terrified.

“H-Hello”. His eyes were red. It seemed like he had been crying.

Why did other humans find a reason to cry, is what I wouldn’t understand. None of them were stuck in a body they didn’t know, a body they couldn’t seem to make sense of. One that they didn’t know if was their last home, if they depended on that body to exist. None of them were like me, completely trapped, and having all their powers taken away from them. None of them deserved to cry as much as I did.

Darkness was too dark around me. I wanted humans to know how weak they were, how much they deserved not to exist around demons.

Shit. Life was so good when I could destroy them with my own hands. Life was so good before I was sent to emptiness, before I was trapped.

Life used to be so fucking strong. And now, it was so devastating to exist. Every single breath hurt my head. Every single word I spoke hurt my throat. I had a body I never wanted to have, I had a body I wanted to wreck but couldn’t know what that’d result in. 

“Gideon Pines,” Stanford said. Gideon was horrified. Traumatized, for sure, I could sense the pattern. Weak legs, a weaker grip on the door, trembling lips and fingers.

He was about to break down crying. He wasn’t enjoying my presence.

“I- I’m not going to. Leave. I’m not giving it to you,” he said. “I’m not giving you the book. Leave! Please! Leave me alone! Go away!”

Stanford couldn’t understand what he was saying. “What? Gideon, I- I’m Mason and Mabel’s uncle, I’m here to-”

“No!” I knew he was holding his tears in. “I don’t care! I don’t care about the demon! Go deal with him yourself, I don’t care! Leave me alone! Go away! Never come back!” Stanford held his hands up, trying to get Gideon to stop yelling. “I don’t care about any of this, okay? I’m leaving for California tomorrow, I just can’t! I can’t stay! I can’t stay near you, I don’t wanna be part of your stupid plans! Deal with him yourself, ok? Without the book!”

Stanford and I had no idea what to do. I just stood there, eyes widening involuntarily, and waited for him to finish. Stanford kept trying to calm him down, in a way I had never seen him act with his own nephew. He touched Pines’ shoulder, receiving a scream back, and gave up.

“Gideon! I’m here to apologize for my niece’s behavior! I don’t want any books or have any plans! I don’t! None of us do!”

Gideon stared at me, and I nodded. “W-What?”

“Yes. I’m her uncle”.

He was calming down. His eyes, still terrified, but now… confused. He had more to think about now. Something to distract him from whatever.

“Y-You don’t want the book?”

“What book?”

I understood immediately. Mason had stolen Journal 3 from him.

“Th- Shut up. Stop! Just stop! Please stop!”

I then saw the blonde appear, running behind him towards the door. “What’s happening? Gideon, are you o- Oh. Hey”.

She held his arms, bringing him close but being pushed back. “Will? What’s going on?”

She knew my name. “Hello,” Stanford said. “I’m Stanford Gleeful”.

“Gleeful?” she asked. “Yes, I’m Mason’s uncle. You must be… Pacifica?”

I stopped listening to what they were saying. I was looking at Gideon too much. Then I realized what had happened.

I saw his eye, his right eye, shining a very light color yellow. No. No.

No.

It couldn’t be.

I couldn’t hold back, I pushed Gideon inside the house, and he almost fell to the ground. Pacifica and Stanford gasped at my movement, as Gideon looked so much more scared. “Gideon. Gideon Pines”.

He started crying, and I wouldn’t stop pushing him, trying to see if it was true, staring deep into his eyes, seeing the yellow fade and come back, seeing the yellow be present and then disappear. No.

“Gideon Pines, what did you do?”

And from the way he was crying, I knew exactly what he had done. And my days of peace would be over.

Chapter Text

Gideon Pines

“What was all that?”

I was still crying. There was nothing that could take that sight from my head. His words. His voice. What was he? What kind of creature was he? Was “Bill Cipher” bad? And… what was William? What was Will Cipher?

The book, it was terrifying. I couldn’t begin to theorize about how that man, that demon was out there, living with humans, serving humans, serving those 17-year-olds, like he wasn’t that scary monster the book warned me about. Like he wasn't a monster.

How did no one read that before? How did no one find the book before me? It was right there! It said the name Will Cipher on the pages, it wasn’t hidden away! It was all so clear and easy to see, and now I had proof, proof that I wasn’t insane, proof that I wasn’t going crazy.

“Pacifica. He’s a demon. He’s a fucking demon. Hell… I…”

I broke down, letting my head fall to the floor. Pacifica knelt next to me, so worried. Her blond hair fell on my back as she held me close, whispering “calm down, please. Please stop crying”.

Maybe she didn’t like to see me cry, just how I hated seeing her sad.

“Please, Gideon…”

William and Stanford had left. Fucking jerk, that Dipper Gleeful. Fucking jerk, that Mabel Gleeful. Fucking evil monsters, that whole Gleeful family, that whole organization. They were up to no good, and I now had proof. They had a fucking demon in their fucking house. A fucking demon.

I was able to calm myself down. For a second, the fear went away, and was replaced by anger. Utter and strong anger.

That Bill Cipher. The things he had said…

“Okay,” I tried speaking. “Okay, Pacifica”.

She stared at me, holding my head up. “Gideon. I’m gonna call Melody”.

“No! Pacifica!” She waited. “William is a demon”.

“What?”

I showed the book to her, the book that was hidden under my bed. I looked so insane, I felt so insane… Pacifica would tell me later that she thought really hard about calling my parents, scared that I needed to be medicated.

“Gideon. What’s going on? Is that book for real?”

“Yes! Pacifica. Yes. This journal was written years ago by an author who mysteriously disappeared. I've read it so many times, I've seen Will’s page so much that I know every single word of it! Oh my God…”

My heart wouldn’t stop beating. I felt like I could be killed at any minute, for knowing too much, for having said too much. Maybe my heart could kill me, from simply beating too fast.

But that Bill Cipher… He told me he would protect me.

“Gideon… This is crazy”.

“I know. I told you. I told you Dipper was not to be trusted. I told you he was evil, I told you, Pacifica”.

I was tearing up again. Shit. I wished I hadn’t been made so weak. And I wished that my head was still being controlled by Mabel. That way, she would be all I know, all I see.

“But… But what if he doesn’t know? What if Will is a… I don’t know. Gideon, I think I should call Dipper”.

“What? No! Are you insane?” I exclaimed. “We’re leaving. Tomorrow. We’re going back home”.

“Back home?” she was surprised, even though she was dating someone who had a horrible demon in their house. “But… But how? Why? No!”

I couldn’t tell her. What hurt was that I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t tell her about Dipper, about the night after the show. I couldn’t tell her anything because it would get me killed. I couldn’t tell her Dipper was a killer. I couldn’t tell her he had killed a man on stage, right in front of her, I couldn’t tell Pacifica any of that.

I couldn’t take the pain of hurting her, on top of everything that was already happening. I could not tell Pacifica.

“Pacifica. Demons”.

“Demons… But… Dipper might not know”.

“Of course he knows, Pacifica!” How could she not get it? “He stole the book from me! Why do you think he’d do that?”

Could I tell her that? Oh God, was Dipper listening to me? Did Dipper know Bill Cipher?

“I don’t- I don’t kn-”

“And what about Mabel, huh? Didn’t you see she had me taped to a chair for three days? Three days, Pacifica! Why can’t you just fucking see how insane all of this is, how dangerous they both are? Shit…”

My eyes were starting to sting. Out of all the injustices at that moment, me not being able to start crying was the worst of them all. “Gideon… I don’t know what to do”.

“Call Dipper. I don’t know. Do what you want. I’m gonna call dad”.

“What? Why?”

“We need to leave. Today, tomorrow, I don’t care. The earliest we can”.

I grabbed my phone and walked towards the door. Pacifica held me by my hoodie. “Gideon!”

I stopped, I tried to breathe.

I gave myself a second to go back to normal.

“What did Will mean? Down there? What did you do?”

And that was what I really couldn’t tell her.

I couldn't talk about the words I had read on the journal, the ones I had said out loud. My heart had already almost exploded the first time I saw that being, the first time I heard his voice inside my head.

There was only one thing I could say to Pacifica.

“I fucked up”.

And so I left the room.

Typing my father’s name on my phone was hard. God was I glad I was far away from him, but he wasn’t worse than two demons and two monsters. I needed to escape.

The phone rang, and no one was picking up. “Please pick up. For once. Please”. But nothing happened. I called him again and… nothing.

I typed mom’s number, not full of hope. “Please. Mom, please pick up, please”.

And that was when I heard him again.

He showed up, not physically but somewhere in my head, whispering words to me I didn’t understand. I looked around, Pacifica was in the other room, she’d be safe.

I couldn’t see anything out of my left eye. And then I could, but from my right eye, nothing. Shit. He was there again. “Heeey, Gideon. Met you before”.

What did he fucking mean? “When? Why?” “From another dimension, of course”.

What dimension did he know me from? What was he? “What do you mean? Which dimension?” My dad’s phone was still ringing, the noises in my ear. “Well, a very far away one”.

“And why don’t you go back there?”

“I can’t, I was locked away from there. And now, you’ve summoned me”.

“And so you’re stuck with me?”

“No”.

Where was he? Where was his voice coming from?

“Wh- Who…”

“Go on, kid…”

“Who’s Will Cipher?”

He stopped for a moment, not speaking. The phone rang and rang, and I had tried calling him four times already.

“Nobody important. See, kid, I have important stuff to take care of. You’ve been useful, I guess”. He let out a laugh that just killed me inside, and then his voice disappeared. It was only me. Me and my fear, who had turned into anger. Hiding away from Pacifica, I was still trying to call my father.

“Holy shit, just pick up, there’s a fucking demon around me somewhere. In my head, I don’t know”.

And that was when I heard his voice. He suddenly appeared. “What do you want?”

My heart was too shaky to get nervous about my dad’s voice. I didn’t give a shit. “Dad. Hey. I-”

“What do you fucking want, Gideon?”

I didn’t care, he could swear all he wanted. On that day, I wouldn’t give a shit. I had summoned a demon. I had summoned a fucking demon.

“Dad. I need to go home. Pacifica and I need to leave”.

“What? What happened?”

“Aunt Melody is having some problems and we’re gonna have to l-”

“Did you piss your uncle off?”

“No. Dad.” He’s not even here, y’know? I wanted to ask. “We just need to go home. Please don’t ask”.

“If you need to go home then you get your money and fucking find a way home. I’m not gonna help you, stop with the shitty drama”.

“Dad, I’m serious. Please, I need to go home”. It did sound like drama. It did sound like I had pissed my uncle off, and gotten mad at him, and then I wanted to leave. The bad part was that I couldn’t come out and say “hey, a boy threatened me, a girl kidnapped me, and their butler is a demon, can I go home?”

Shit. Why did everything have to suck?

“Figure it out,” and he suddenly hung up.

I felt my body ache. Shit, I wanted to kill him. I wanted to yell and to hit someone, and so I did the closest thing, and threw my phone on the nearest wall. All the walls in the Mystery Shack were wood, so the phone almost broke them, then it fell to the ground near my feet, screen busted. 

Pacifica heard the noise. “Gideon, are you okay?” she came running. “Oh my God…”

It was too late. I was surrounded by the anger now. I held her arm and told her to pack her bags immediately. We had to leave.

Chapter Text

Two knocks on my door. Shit. One in the morning. No one could interrupt my perfect hours of sleep. Shit. Shit.

I opened the door quickly. “Will?”

I knew something had happened. He wouldn’t have dared to interrupt my sleep like that.

And moreover, he was there. Will was by my door. He couldn’t do that anymore, because of Stanford.

“What’s up?”

“I need to speak with you immediately”.

“You should have waited until the morning, demo-”

“No,” he interrupted. “I shouldn’t have”.

I stared at William, he didn’t say a word.

“What happened?”

He turned around and I followed him. Will and I walked down the stairs down to the basement in the Gleeful Mansion, him grabbing the key from where it was hidden and unlocking the door without asking. Will was desperate on that night. He opened the door, pulling me into the room.

“I’ve never seen you this unprofessional”.

“Shut up,” he said.

Something extremely important had to be happening for Will to be treating me that way. I did shut up, because I had no choice. Things were at steak, I was sure.

“What is it?”

“My brother’s back. I don’t know how, and I don’t know why, but Gideon Pines found a way to bring him into this dimension and… and I…”

He started crying. And it wasn’t his usual silent crying, his tears now fell with noise, with a high speed, and of course, with fear and sadness behind them. Oh, Will. My poor Will. Having his closest enemy that near… I didn’t know what I could do, or what would happen.

“Does he… Does he know you’re alive?”

“I don’t think he did,” he said. “But he was in Pines’ head. I could see him”.

“In his head?!”

“Yes!” he exclaimed, hands on his face. “Dream demons can enter minds if allowed to and… oh God, he saw me…”

Will wouldn’t stop crying for a long time, I was sure. I thought about what I would be doing if I was in his situation. Not crying, that I was sure of. But maybe scared. Maybe horrified of what would happen to me. Of what would happen to all of us.

“Will,” I asked, knowing he wouldn’t be able to speak. I just needed to know something. “Your brother… Does he want to… destroy humanity? Or… something like that?”

Will breathed in before answering, voice breaking with sadness. “Of course he does, you moron!” I widened my eyes. “He’s a dream demon just like me, he’s a Cipher . His only objective is to achieve the destruction of all the galaxies. There’s nothing else he’d be doing here”.

Shit. I could almost forget Will calling me a moron. Destroy humanity? Humanity was terrible anyway, but I was part of humanity. He couldn’t destroy me.

“So… Wait. What?”

“What what?” he sounded angry.

“W-What… does that mean? Does that mean h-he’s gonna kill us? When? And how? I- I don’t understand”.

“No, Master,” William sounded normal now, having stopped his noises, tears falling down slowly… “He still needs one thing”.

“Oh. What does he need?”

“It’s complicated,” he said. “He needs a portal to another dimension”.

“And… can he get that?”

“I have it,” I nodded. “I have it ‘cause this is the dimension I used to live in before I was trapped. Remember?”

I said yes. Yeah, I remembered his story. He had picked my dimension, years before knowing I existed.

“He knows I’m alive. He saw me”.

“ That is a problem. How is he?”

“How is he?” I nodded. “He’s a monster. He’s just about the most horrible creature you can imagine”.

Bill Cipher was too evil for me to even understand him. I remembered every single thing Will told me, while we were alone, staring at each other.

I could see fear in his eyes. So scared… So terrified…

“And he’s with Gideon Pines. Somehow. He got your book”.

“He… He got my book? H-How?”

How could I have been so blind? My book… disappeared? And I didn’t realize.

Shit. My head started doubting everything about itself. How could I have lost it? How could Gideon Pines have stolen my book?

Unless… it had been… her.

She hadn’t been to my bedroom. Where had I kept the book? Where was it before it was stolen? And was the book really mine ? 

“Maybe Pacifica… Maybe she betrayed me…”

“Does that matter now, Mason?” Will asked. He was being so rude. Maybe too rude to his Master. But I was being selfish, it wasn’t time to expect anything from him. My world could be destroyed, it could be destroyed before I got the chance to rule over it. Will’s brother thought he was dead, he thought he was stuck forever. And… I had a memory.

“You… have other brothers, right?”

“We don’t have time to talk about this right now. Mason. We need to make sure Pines doesn’t leave!” Leave? Leave where? “He and Southeast are on their way to the bus stop. If they leave, Bill might kill him out of anger, because he’s not obeying. And if he dies…”

“What? What happens if he dies?”

“Bill’s stuck with him. If he dies, Bill will be free”.

That was an issue. I wondered what Stanford would’ve thought if he knew what was going on?

“Shit”.

“And I don’t know what he’ll do”.

“Nothing good, nothing good…”

Will nodded. The air was so cold, and I couldn’t hold him close because it wouldn’t help in the slightest. I felt that he could be anywhere, that Bill. I felt that he could show up at any moment, kill William at any instant, and that everything would be over.

I wouldn’t have mother, and I wouldn’t have William. And then, I’d have nothing. Everything would be gone.

I didn’t believe what I had to do, but I needed to make sure Gideon Pines wouldn’t leave Gravity Falls.

“Where are they? Right now?”

“They’re probably leaving home…” Will closed his eyes and touched his head, hurting. I couldn’t read his mind. “If- If we run now we might be able to get them”.

“The three A.M. bus leaves in fifteen minutes,” I stared at my watch. “Let’s go. Right now”.

“Quick”.

Will and I walked up the stairs, and then left the mansion. Why did I have to live so far away from the whole town? The forest was so long, it was so neverending… For a small city like Gravity Falls, ten minutes walking through trees had to be excessive.

They were right there. Pacifica with her hair up, Gideon with his cap on. They were both holding backpacks and the bus wasn’t there yet. I still had time. Will still had time.

“Hey!”

They both turned to me when I yelled. Pacifica had her blue eyes wide, her blonde hair falling down her face. I wasn’t looking at Gideon because for once, I didn’t care whether he was scared of me or not.

“You guys can’t leave!”

Pacifica walked one step close to me. “Dipper?”

“You told him?” Gideon exclaimed. And then he noticed Will. “I- Please… Please, just let me go”.

“We want nothing to do with you, Pines,” and that was a huge truth. “We just need something. Something very important”.

From the way I was breathing, I hoped he could see how truthful I was being, how serious I was that I wasn’t there to hurt him. I realized right then, that I had made a mistake making Gideon scared, that I shouldn’t have built our relationship the way I built it.

For once, I understood that I made a huge mistake. And there I was, receiving the consequences of it. Fucking hell.

“Please. Gideon. Listen to me…”

“Why would I listen to you? After everything you did to me!” he yelled, and he yelled. “Why would I care what you, or Mabel, or your demon, all think? Why would I? After I almost died in your hands more than once!”

I could feel the cold winds of the evening hit my face and break my lips, but I wouldn’t stop trying. “Gideon, I’m serious! Why would I care so much about you staying if it weren’t important?” he nodded with anger. “I’m serious , you can’t leave”.

“And why not?”

It was Pacifica’s voice. I turned to stare at her, miles away but feeling so much closer than Gideon. The heat on that cold night, she looked as stunning as usual. But scared. She didn’t want to leave.

Gideon and Will stood as I walked closer to Pacifica, pulled her by the waist, and kissed her.

I could listen to all the thoughts: to Gideon’s thoughts, to Will’s thoughts, to her thoughts… But all I could feel was her hands on my hair. She kissed me back like she would never see me again (which was probably the situation), caressing my hair and not letting me go. I brought her closer and closer to my chest, wanting her to feel my heart beating, wanting to win her over by doing exactly what she would’ve liked me to do. The fur on her coat was irritating my hands but I liked holding her waist.

I pulled away while staring into her eyes. They were blue and had a tint of green somewhere… Pacifica looked great under the night sky.

I could feel her butterflies. The way she smiled told me just what I wanted to know:

My plan was working.

“Pacifica. I can’t stop thinking of you. Ever since our first kiss, you’ve been everything my mind can focus on. When I perform, the person I hope to see in the audience is you. I dream of you every single night, and I can’t let you go so early”.

Lying was easy, and I was glad that it was also fun. Pacifica couldn’t even smile anymore, so blown away by my lie. She didn’t let go of my body as I spoke those words, standing there, just staring into my perfect eyes and listening to my charm.

It was so easy. So much easier than I thought. But I had to convince Gideon to stay.

I turned to him, trying to decipher what his expression showed. “Come on. Please don’t take her,” I said, to which he shook his head. I could read his thoughts. So confused. Thinking about me and her, thinking about protecting her, thinking about hitting me and about how good my jaw looked when I kissed her in front of him.

God, what a confused little man. He didn’t even know if he wanted to leave, and didn’t understand his own head. If Pacifica were to stay, Gideon surely would want to as well. He wouldn’t just leave her, just take a bus by himself, in the middle of the night, for hours… Or at least that was what I hoped for.

I turned to Will, still holding Pacifica’s waist. “Will,” I asked. “Please help me convince Gideon. They need to stay”.

Gideon wasn’t having it, he maybe was a little smart. “No! Your butler’s a fucking demon! How stupid do you think I am, Gleeful? How much longer do you think I’m gonna accept this?”

I honestly thought that it’d take more time than it actually did. I had to give it to him, the boy was smart. He wasn’t as useless as all the other humans, although more fucked up than most of them. But smart… somewhat. Maybe he wasn’t just for playing with, maybe he could be used too… I just had to think of a way how.

I turned to Will again. Sweet Will, I was doing all that for him (and for myself). Why did he have to be a demon? And even worse, why did Gideon have to find out that he was a demon? And even worser, how could I have not noticed that the book had disappeared?

What else had Gideon read? Had he only seen Will’s page and Bill’s hidden codes? Or had he found something else?

How much of a threat was Gideon Pines? With Bill Cipher inside of him… 

who knew?

“Gideon, you have to understand. We can’t let you two go this early. You can’t take Pacifica”.

“I- I literally. Shit, fucking shit, why are you still doing this?”

“Gideon, look. I know I’ve been evil. I know I’ve not been the best person and that I haven’t been a good friend or neighbor or whatever, but you need to believe me. I am not trying to make you stay for any reasons other than Pacifica”.

He looked so lost, Gideon looked like everything inside his head was going insane, like the thoughts didn’t make sense, he looked like he had the head that I usually did. Full of ideas that contradicted, images that hurt and images of doubt.

He didn’t believe me. And how could he, after all I had done? 

But Pacifica was on my side. “Gideon…” she said.

He turned to her, shaking his head no. “Please…” he whispered.

But it was too late. My lies had convinced her.

“I’m not leaving”. I could hear my own head going “yes!” at her words. Yes! Yes! Yes!

“Pacifica, I’m not leaving without you!”

“Then…” Gideon was about to lose, he was about to lose everything. “We- We can’t. We can’t go. Dipper will protect us. You promise you’re not gonna do any of the… bad things you say you’ve done?”

I noticed she was speaking to me. “Yes,” I nodded, staring into her eyes so she’d fall more. “I promise. There’s nothing I promise more”.

My past plans, my past actions, they didn’t matter anymore. I was pressured to go through the biggest challenge of my life, and make sure that humanity wasn’t fucking destroyed, because someone could do it if they wanted to. Nothing else had been as thrilling, and as much of a burden as that was being.

And there I was, still using old tactics. What was I doing, making Pacifica fall more for me? Was that going to help me with anything? When I kissed her for the first time, wasn’t that enough? Did I really have to do it again?

Why wasn’t Will helping? Did he think I had it? Did he think I was doing my best? Because he was so silent, thinking, thinking loud. His thinking hurt my head sometimes, to read thoughts so complex and stupidly heavy.

Will’s mind… a place so dark and unexplored. I bet he was thinking about Bill killing him in so many different ways, just how my head did with Stanford. Him throwing knifes all over his body, him dismembering him from all his limbs like they were nothing, and possibly so much more. There surely were more torture devices than the numerous ones I could think of, especially for demons.

I wondered how Will would like to die. Burning, drowning, or the worst of the worst pains imaginable.

I wouldn’t let him die because my plans were working. “Pacifica… You believe me, right?”

She nodded, of course she did.

“Then please. Stay. Just a week. A day. I don’t care. Just a little longer,” I held her hand. “I need you. I need you to stay”.

Pacifica had beautiful eyes. She had blue irises that… admittedly didn’t look too bad next to mine. I could see her move her eyes down my face, staring at my lips, wanting to kiss me again.

“You want to kiss me again?” I thought. “I want him to kiss me again,” her mind said.

So I kissed her again. Her sweet lips brushed against mine as I pecked Pacifica’s lips twice, tasting no lipstick that was there the last time. When we separated, I stared into her for so long that Gideon had to interrupt us.

Just how I had planned .

“Pacifica… Please. Leave him. We have to go”.

“Gideon. I can’t… Didn’t you hear what he said?” Yes. “Wasn’t that enough for you?”

Gideon was surely getting sick. He hated me so much, his thoughts said. “Then I’m leaving. Without you. There is nothing I can do”.

And that was the moment I heard the bus approach the station. One single light on the end of that dark street of that dark evening, there it was. It was our only chance. Gideon had to stay.

“You’ll die if you leave,” said Will. Finally.

“What?”

“You’ll die. The demon, Bill Cipher?” Gideon nodded. He was so terrified. Pacifica’s arms, so warm. “He’ll kill you. He told me”.

Gideon was starting to believe him. “He… What are you, of him?”

“I’m his brother,” he said. “And I’m sure he’d like to talk to me. We haven’t seen each other in… some time”.

Pines breathed in, noticing the bus approaching him. Will was being brave. That was a really risky move.

“You… You are evil”.

“I’m not evil”. I had never seen Will act as natural as that, be as truthful and human as that. It felt… good. Strange but good. Seeing him be himself. “I… I am not good either but…”

“But?”

Gideon was angry. He wasn’t only scared anymore, and if he died right there, it wouldn’t be of a heart beating too fast.

“But… I am sorry. I am not against you”. I knew that if I was in Gideon’s situation, I wouldn’t be believing a demon either. “But if I were stuck inside you, I would be. There is no way Bill doesn’t want to kill you”.

“Can’t he talk to you?” I asked. “Do you hear anything?”

And that was when the bus stopped. “No… Not right now, I-”

He seemed to be calming down. Good. That was good. Gideon was a good person. He deserved to understand what was going on, a guy like him couldn’t be the reason for the world being destroyed.

“Please. Gideon Pines”.

Gideon couldn’t stop looking at Will, who was walking closer.

“Just shake my hand. Once. And this shall all be over”.

He shook his head. “And I’m gonna be okay?”

“Yes. This act is only going to transfer Bill Cipher inside my own human body. Get it?”

“And why should I trust you?”

Smart boy… Always asking questions.

“Gideon, just do it! You really want to have a demon inside of you?”

Pacifica would’ve nailed accidentally doing the smart thing. Yes, he would listen to her. Gideon nodded, and then extended his arm.

We had seconds. The doors to the bus were already opening, Will’s hand was meeting with Gideon’s.

And then, Will turned to me, having already done the job. “Carry me home, Master” was the last thing he said before he passed out on the floor.

Chapter Text

Dipper Gleeful

I couldn’t exactly process what was happening. I had a second one. I now had two of them.

I now had two demons.

It hadn’t been as easy to carry William as I thought it would be. He was a fit man, but so tall and heavy. Especially passed out, his weight seemed to press down on my arms and it didn’t cease to be hard until I had walked almost half an hour with him on me.

He wasn’t awake yet, but I had to think better. He had a demon inside him, another one. There was a demon inside of my demon butler and I…

I had to call Mabel.

I ran up the stairs not caring that it was only four in the morning and knocked on her bedroom door. “Please be awake, please be awake”. She would hate me, but hopefully understand my desperation once she saw our demon passed out on the floor.

She opened the door. “Mabel!”

“What?”

Her face was not good. Wow, my dear sister looked beautiful even when tired. Her brown hair still fell beautifully, although really messy. She wore no makeup but just looked so ready for a concert. Her clothes were also beautiful, a sweet blue tank top matching her shorts.

I had no time to admire her. “We have an emergency”.

What else could I say? “An emergency”, that would make her startled, right? It didn’t seem to, her expression didn’t change. “Come on, sister. You know I wouldn’t be awake at four in the morning if it wasn’t urgent”.

She widened her eyes. “Four A.M.?!”

I had no time for that. I rolled my eyes and grabbed her by the forearm, pulling her through the corridor. “Let go of me, I can walk!” she said angrily, now following me. “Stop going so fast”.

“Mabel. It’s an emergency!”

We walked down the stairs, me more desperate and awake than her. I made sure all the lights were on so that we could analyze Will’s body and…

He wasn’t there.

The place where I had left Will was there, empty, and there was no sign of him being close just yet. Mabel reached the end of the stairs as I stood surprised and looking around. “Dipper, if this is a joke, I’m gonna be so angry”.

“It’s not! I promise, I-”

The biggest noise came from the kitchen. Was that… pans falling down? I could hear cutlery be thrown around and… fuck.

“Will!” I ran to the room. There he was. There were him and another demon, his brother, running at each other, yelling. The brother, Bill Cipher, wore all yellow and was really blond. His right eye was covered by a patch just like Will’s, and he was so… so different.

He wouldn’t stop smiling. As he was thrown by William to the floor, as he received slaps on his face, he wouldn’t stop smiling. I couldn’t understand what was going on, but those two were the same height, the same weight, and Bill couldn’t stand a chance of even touching Will. He was just helplessly taking Will’s anger and laughing like it was the most fun he’d had in centuries.

As Will hit him again, Bill turned his face to me, widening his eyes and mouth and smiling even wider. “This is your human?” he said, as Will hit him again, making noise. “Ouch. Still strong, William!”

Will was crying . He was desperately crying and I didn’t understand whether he was sad or angry, or just a strange combination of both. He hit his brother not like he wanted to kill him (because he probably could), but like he wanted him to hurt. It was such a human anger, what he had. Slapping him, throwing objects around, and pressing him to the floor. William became more human with the days that passed, just like he had told me.

I didn’t even realize I wasn’t saying anything, just standing there with my mouth open, until Mabel arrived. “What?” she exclaimed. Bill’s smile got even wider, which didn’t seem possible, when he saw her. “Wow!”

“Why did you fucking do that?” Will yelled, and yelled, and yelled. “Why, brother, why? I hate you so much, I hate you so much!”

He was now grabbing Bill by the collar of his shirt and shaking him. Bill didn’t know how to react, or how to stop looking me and Mabel in the eyes. He didn’t know how to use a human body yet, didn’t know how to move his head in the right way, or maybe didn’t remember how to.

“Okay, brother. I think that’s enough”.

Bill snapped his fingers and, there, Will was sitting on the other side of the room, and Bill was standing in front of us. “Got your anger out?”

Will stayed on the floor where he had been sat, and let his face fall to the ground as he cried silently. Yes. It seemed like he had got his anger out.

“Anyway, hello… Pine Tree and Shooting Star. Will, looks like we have a lot in common after all…”

Bill grabbed my hand to shake it and then Mabel’s. He leaned down to kiss hers, slowly and flirty. I couldn’t stop thinking about the names he had said.

Pine Tree? Shooting Star?

“Yours look more fun than mine though…”

He was making no sense, but Mabel didn’t seem to dislike him. She smiled, beautiful wide lips staring down at the man kissing her hand. 

“Okay, I like him. I like him way better than Will,” she said, Bill standing back up and working his legs out perfectly. “He’s much better looking too, huh?”

They didn’t look the same. They didn’t look like twins, Will’s face was rounder, though very sharp. Will’s lips were slightly bigger, but you’d only realize it if you paid close attention. Their hair looked the same, except mirrored and of different colors. Their eyes, same form, same eyelashes. But one blue, and the other yellow.

I remembered the hole in Will’s face, and wondered if Bill had one exactly like his. And, what else did they have in common? What else did they share, my demon and that monster?

“Hello Miss Mabel. Mister Dipper”. He looked perfect. That was their difference. “My name is Bill Cipher. I’m a close friend of that… Will”.

“Fuck you!” Will yelled. I had been expecting a lot of reactions from him, but hitting and screaming at his brother was not the one I put the most trust in. It was almost like he was… set up to act like that. Like it was all part of his instincts as a Dream Demon.

“Anyway. Hello. I am now apparently stuck in your dimension. Bummer”.

Bill smiled, he didn’t seem sad by that. But I could see it in his eyes. The reason he was so happy.

He was happy Will was still alive. He was happy to be having that moment.

Because it was fun. It was unexpected fun. And I had read Bill Cipher in less than five minutes of knowing him.

“Stuck?” Mabel asked. “Wait. You’re Will’s brother, aren’t you? A Dream Demon. Just like him”.

Bill nodded, a smirk on his face. “That I am”.

I was lost. Will was lost. Why wasn’t he killing him? Why wasn’t he killing anyone? 

What were his plans, where had he come from? What would he want from Earth and what would he do for me?

I had too many questions. I decided to begin with the simpler one.

“How do you know our names?”

He giggled. I turned to Will and he was still on the floor. “I know you, twins,” Bill began. “I know you from very far away…”

“You know us?” Mabel shouldn’t have been looking as excited as she did, asking questions hopefully instead of carefully… 

All Bill did was nod. “How?” she asked.

“Well, it’s a long story…”

“No!” William yelled, getting up from the ground. “You can’t. You can’t have them!”

“Why, brother… Why the anger?” Bill turned back to stare at my demon. “You already know all my plans, huh?”

“Not all of them, no,” he breathed. “But I know what you want from them”.

I gulped. I hoped it wasn’t death. I couldn’t die painfully.

“Well, can’t hide anything from my little brother”. They looked the same age. “Anyway,” he turned back to us. “I come directly from a place where you two… existed. But in a completely different way”.

“What do you mean?” He giggled once more. His laugh was contagious.

“The universe I come from… You two were really… smaller”. Smaller? “Younger”. Younger? “And much less blue than you are now”.

“What do you mean, brother? Spill it out”.

Bill taking a long time to say what he wanted didn’t exculpate him from anything. I still feared he would destroy the world. I still feared he would kill me in a painful way, wrecking my plans of ever being happy in the movement of a finger, and everything else I had thought of.

But I had to calm myself down. I had to seem as placid as I could, as trustworthy and useful as a human could be, because then maybe he wouldn’t hurt me.

“I mean that I was defeated by you two. In another dimension. And now I’m here. Stuck”.

I didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t know what to ask. I could read Bill’s mind, but nothing understandable was going on in there. I could see a boy, a girl, somewhat resembling us but… so blurry. I had no hopes in reading his mind, I had to stick with listening.

“Wait. So we…”

“Yeah, you two were real jerks in that dimension,” he chuckled. “Really desperate children”.

“And are you going to go back?”

“No, Will,” he said. “I was banished from there. The multiverse won’t ever allow me to return”. That seemed, as well as I could describe it, scary. Being trapped away from something you wanted to achieve, being shut down.

How did two humans, two other versions of me and my sister, have the temerity to try to defeat a demon like that? I would never kill William. I could never even try to get rid of something that could be so useful. What other human had a demon, after all? What other human had a book like I did?

Other-universe me was stupid. With a demon like Bill, he could’ve done a lot, but he didn’t. How did he decide to banish him from his dimension, anyway? How stupid was I in other dimensions?

“Wait…” Mabel began, acting hopeful again, and not mysterious at all. “How am I in this dimension? Am I super popular and hot?”

“You are a child. A very annoying one”.

I let a laugh escape my nose. “Doesn’t seem that different”.

Mabel shot those eyes at me. Just like me, she didn’t seem to like her presence in the other dimension either. We definitely had that in common.

“I like your hair, demon…”

“Mabel, can you not flirt with Will’s brother?”

She shrugged, as Bill smiled and winked at her. I rolled my eyes.

“What is it that you want? The thing Will said you want”.

“Well…” when he looked at me, I felt him. And I still could see his thoughts but still so blurry. I just wanted to understand. “I am a changed man…”

“A changed demon”.

“A changed demon man”. Maybe he smelled good? I don’t know if that was just my head. There was a scent to him that just… attracted me. In a way I could not understand.

“And that means?” Mabel said.

“I don’t care that you two got Will out of the prison I made for him”.

“Did Pines tell you all this?”

“Pines, hahahahaha”. His ironic laugh was even more contagious. “What a funny change of names”.

I didn’t care what he meant. I just wanted answers to what would happen to me.

“I want to make a deal. With you”.

“About?”

“You help me… find a way out of this hell. And I’ll give you power”.

“We already have power”.

“You call this power?”

I nodded, knowing that I was lying, and knowing that he knew that I was lying. I just hoped Will was proud of me. Speaking while he stood back silently, using the right words of bargain, and not letting Bill take over.

I was doing the right thing. The responsible thing. Protecting my life.

“I don’t see anyone screaming your name outside your house. I don’t see you being known in more than a single town, actually…” He needed to shut up. “You really don’t want more… Mason Gleeful? Wow, what a name. I like this one better”.

I stared into his eyes. “What do you even mean, demon?”

“I mean that you need this deal, human . Or your life is never going to be worth it”.

It was impossible. Did he just happen to know I had a disease which made me believe lies? Did he just happen to know not only my name, but also my stupid human deficiencies which made me easy to manipulate in that way? He knew, he knew everything. Just like Will had told me, he saw everything. He knew how to get what he wanted, he knew how to convince. But I wasn’t there for that. I wasn’t there to allow myself to be convinced.

I was there to not die. And so I said “no”.

“And what about you, sweet Mabel?”

Mabel stared at Bill in a way that made me disgusted. She was shorter than him so her eyes lit up as she looked up, seeing him walk closer and closer to her. She was starstruck. There was nothing I could say, nothing I could do, to make her look at me and know that that was wrong.

“We don’t know anything about him, Mabel”.

“We know that Dream Demons can’t break deals”.

That we knew. I stared at Will, while Mabel considered whether she’d seal or not a deal with a demon. 

The two Gleeful Twins. One with a demon each… I wondered how the people of Gravity Falls would react if they knew their precious twins were both dealing with the devil. What would they all say?

“We have a deal with Will,” I reminded her. “It’s not like this new demon is going to do anything different”.

Mabel responded. “No. You have a deal with Will. I don’t”.

“So, wanna make one? With me?”

Bill stood at a perfect distance from Mabel, a perfect distance so he could extend his arm and prepare his right hand. I remembered the day I had shook Will’s hand, felt the warmth of the deal-marked hand against mine.

Mabel would like the feeling. Hell, Mabel would love the feeling. If she ended up shaking his hand she’d just be taken over by how good it felt to have that power. How good it felt to have the world in your hands, and a demon by your side.

At that moment, I read her mind, and saw that she had no control over her hand. Will kept staring at me, staring at me like my sister was killing herself next to us. And then she shook his hand.

“It’s a deal”.

Bill’s smile grew. “Amazing choice”.

I looked at Will, mouthing “is it?”

He mouthed back. “I can’t be sure”.

He knew nothing, that demon of mine.

Chapter Text

Gideon Pines

There was one place in the house I liked, and that was the back room.

In that room, I could be anyone I wanted to be. I could be Gideon Pines, a confused lonely boy, or I could be Gideon Pines, Pacifica Southeast’s best friend. I could also be Gideon Pines, safe and sound, needing no help, needing no assistance, and just following a placid life. One without the journal, without the demons, without the blue-eyed pair, and without death.

It was the next day. Or better, the morning after the night when I tried leaving Gravity Falls. I lay down on Pacifica’s lap and heard her sing to me, her voice sounding with whatever words she could think of, because she was surprisingly good at making up music. She played her ukulele softly.

Her shorts had spikes that hurt the side of my head, but they were nothing that could stop me from laying there. Pacifica’s lap was safe. Pacifica felt so safe.

She caressed my hair as she sang her words, making sure I was awake. Making sure I was present. Making sure I wasn’t lost.

For the first time in a long time, we were alone. Alone and silent.

There was no Dipper Gleeful coming out of her mouth.

And there was no Dipper Gleeful running around in my head.

It was us, just her and me. Two perfect best friends who had not expected anything that had happened in the past weeks.

Why us? My question to her was “why us”?

She didn’t stop singing. In fact, she replied to me in her very long song.

“We were told we were special, Gideon…” she began. Her voice made me so calm. “We were told lies and truths, my Gideon…”

“We were young and we were hopeful for all,

For all we don’t have…

And now we might not ever know the truth,

Gideon…"

Her songs were always really metaphorical. And usually sad. That contrasted well with the person Pacifica was. The last note on the ukulele caught my head off guard, and so I wanted to sing along. It was a bummer that I hated singing sometimes.

“And that means?”

“That means things won’t always be easy, Gideon”.

And could they be harder than they already were? I was certain she was not thinking exactly like me, because I knew more than she did. She knew one part of the situation we were in, and I knew the rest. The sad thing was that the rest wasn’t anything that she might’ve wanted to hear. She surely would hate me for telling her the truth.

But maybe that was the day. Maybe that was the morning where I’d just give in and let her know.

Let her know who Dipper is, let her know what we were dealing with. She already knew Will was a demon. There wasn’t much left.

But it was harder when they were, almost technically, dating.

In her head, they weren’t together. She told me that they had never had a moment as serious and “romantic” as the one they had on the bus stop, but that they had been going out, holding hands, kissing, and that’s pretty much all they did on dates.

For me, they were dating. But she wouldn’t admit it to me, all she could say was “I’m in love” and “we’re gonna be together one day”.

It wasn’t certain. But what would be the difference whether they used the word or not? They were together either way.

Pacifica played her ukulele silently now, only humming from time to time. Dipper’s girlfriend. That I hadn’t been expecting. That, from day one, I thought wasn’t possible. How come Dipper liked someone like her? She was so different from him, a complete opposite. How come a guy like him could fall for someone so sweet, so naive and humble?

Dipper Gleeful was either planning something or lying to my best friend. There was no way he was in love. There was no way.

But… could he be? Was Pacifica really going to get a boyfriend?

I had to be okay with that. Dipper had apologized… sort of. He had admitted that the things he did were bad, and that had to be enough. Right? Killing people, okay. Killing people probably wasn’t too bad, they probably had reasons to do it.

Holy fuck… What was I thinking?

“Pacifica,” I called her, because I couldn’t. I couldn’t start thinking about Dipper, I couldn’t let him ruin that moment with my best friend. “Do you regret coming here? With me?”

She shook her head, playing some notes. “Of course not. Why?”

I made sure she’d understand what I meant. “If I hadn’t come… and this was just a ‘you’ trip… Do you think you’d have liked it better?”

Pacifica stopped playing. She put her ukulele aside and stared into my eyes, which I immediately closed. “Gideon. Why would it be better?” she said. “Any place is better with you”.

“Yeah, but look at me,” I opened my eyes. “I’m crazy, just going around telling you what to do. I’m not allowing you to have any fun. And… look at yesterday…”

I couldn’t continue. It was too much. I had too much to say, and too much I couldn’t say.

“I fuck things up. I’m too much of a coward, Ciphica”.

She shook her head as if she could deny that. Pacifica used her hands to caress my face now, instead of just my hair, and she held me in a way that just felt so… comfortable. There was nothing I wanted, nothing I could ask for. There was nothing that could be better than staying there, on Pacifica’s arms, feeling her chest vibrate with every word she said.

“I can’t even stand up to a guy my age. I could never stand up to anyone at school. Why would I be able to stand up to someone like Dipper?”

In the end, it was as if I hadn’t even said anything.

“I shouldn’t be between you two. He’s good to you”.

That was a lie. He couldn’t be good to anyone.

“I should’ve left yesterday”.

“No, Gideon!” she was so serious, so positive about me. Always so positive. “Please stop saying all that”.

I made myself shut up. Alright. I hated myself. But I couldn’t continue trying to make Pacifica hate me too.

“You know I love you,” she said. “I love you more than I love Dipper. And that’s fucking obvious”.

I nodded. I was always worried that Pacifica would find a boyfriend and forget about me. I was too confused but she was so certain about everything, so beautiful and bubbly. I just knew she would find someone so easily, that she would have someone fall for her so quickly. But she always told me: “I’ll always love you more,” she’d say. “No matter how cute he is. No matter how rich- just kidding”, and then we’d laugh together. God, what good times those were. The times when we were both fourteen, or when we had just met at nine. She had always been so sure that she’d find someone, and always so sure that she'd “love me more than him”.

So that, I could believe. 

But I wasn’t worried that Pacifica didn’t love me anymore. She was always going to love me. I was worried that all of that was happening inside my head. Human brains, right? Such strange machines, so easy to manipulate. After everything Mabel did to my head I thought: what even was real anymore? How could I be sure that everything Dipper had done was real? Killing the man, threatening to kill me… Was I insane? And moreover, did she think I was insane? Was she allowing me to be insane?

She didn’t deserve for me to be insane, right?

But she kept singing to me. She grabbed her ukulele again, kissed me on the cheek, and continued playing. God, how could she be so calm? The back room was starting not to work anymore, I could feel it all coming back.

“I need space. Right now”.

She seemed to understand “Okay”. Pacifica opened her arms so I could get up from her lap, starting to walk around the small room. “You okay?”

“I need space. Okay?”

“Alright”.

Walk two steps, I’m still nervous. Walk twenty steps, still nervous. Walk thirty steps, it won’t leave my head.

I had to tell her. “Pacifica”.

I felt so bad for her. Finding out someone you like a lot is a dangerous murderer… that must be so scary. I wasn’t ready to see the look on her face. I wasn’t ready to see her cry.

“Do you wanna know what the bad things Dipper did to me were?”

She looked up, thinking. She had seen him apologize, so she now didn’t have an excuse not to believe me. He had done something bad.

“Of course,” her eyes were already tired. “If you wanna tell me”.

I looked around, checking that Melody wasn’t anywhere, listening. The better thing about the back room was that it was so abandoned… The walls were so thick and there was nothing around except for that weird bed where Pacifica was sitting, and those numerous boxes lying around.

“I just don’t want you to be sad”.

“Gideon. I know he’s not perfect. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you before. I had no reason to”.

“I know”.

“But I know Dipper isn’t perfect. And whatever it is that happened between you two, God knows when, I hope it wasn’t too bad”.

Oh, but it was. It was awful.

“He threatened me. On the night we went to the show”.

I decided getting to the point was easier.

“He threatened to kill me. And stole the books from my hands”.

Pacifica breathed in. “Gideon”.

“He was staring at me during the concert, and then when I disappeared, he ran after me”.

She didn’t seem sure of what to say. I looked away from her, unable to stare into her eyes as she heard something so awful… Pacifica was the kind of person no one wanted to break bad news to. She was the kind of person who everyone wanted to make sure was happy, the kind of person who made it impossible for you to be rude. Pacifica was too much, too much for both me and Dipper Gleeful. And I wished it was him telling her, him letting her know about the awful things he had done. If it was him, I wouldn’t be feeling that much dread, that much hatred. 

Hurting Pacifica was the kind of thing that hurt you. You wouldn’t want to hurt Pacifica Southeast in any sort of way.

And there I was, hurting her.

“Dipper is… complicated”.

“Oh. Is he?”

“Yeah…” I wasn’t sure what she was doing. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know what she was doing. “He doesn’t tell me much but… I know”.

I just nodded, not staring at her, and not ceasing to walk around the room. Forty steps, fifty steps…

“He’s been through a lot, Gideon… His mom died, his dad ran away… He doesn’t tell me much about that but…”

And yet he lied to her about not having a family. Who was that uncle then? Who was that Stanford Gleeful?

“Of course he didn’t mean it, Gideon. He can be intimidating but… of course he didn’t actually mean he was gonna kill you”.

She sounded like she couldn’t believe she was having to say all that. It didn’t matter, because I knew it was true and yet I couldn’t tell her everything, because she would not believe me. It didn’t matter, it shouldn’t matter. I should’ve just left her behind and gone back to California on my own.

It didn’t matter, but I hadn’t realized that my eyes had started to water, and that my face was frowning on its own. It shouldn’t matter, but Pacifica saw, and got up from the bed, walking towards me: three steps. “Gideon,” she held me in her arms again, wanting to make me less insane.

I pulled her away. “He’s a murderer, Pacifica. Why would I lie to you?” I said, in a voice calmer than I thought it had been. “Why would I fucking lie?”

She walked towards me again. “Oh, Gideon…”

I knew what was on her head. I was insane, I had to be insane! Mabel had fucked my brain up, and there I was, fucking everything. I was just a stupid traumatized boy not making any sense whatsoever, who would be the reason for his own death, who would be the reason for everyone’s death. No, Gideon, of course he’s not a murderer. Yes, he has a demon for a butler but of course he’s not a murderer. It’s just in your head. Everything, it’s just part of your insane head which was fucked up by so much. Fucked up by your father, fucked up by your school, fucked up by years and years of confusion and a search for answers, and fucked up by two twins who shouldn’t even have existed in your life.

I knew what she was thinking: there he is! My sweet best friend. Always trying to make sense of things that are senseless, always making shit up. He is just so hopeless, and his death is going to be so good to me. Because I’m going to be great on my own. My murderer boyfriend and I will be so much happier without that dumbass around. Coming to this town was the best thing that could’ve happened to me, because it gave me a chance to get rid of the person I could never believe.

My heartbeat went up when I realized I had said everything out loud. Pacifica held me by my shoulders and stared into my eyes as her own teared up.

Shit. She hated me. She had to hate me. Why was I doing all that? What was going on in my head?

Was everything really just a fragment of my imagination? Was Dipper Gleeful really a murderer?

“No. Gideon. No,” her voice broke. “Please. Don’t do this to me”.

And there, all of the feelings I felt towards the back room were gone. It wasn’t comfortable anymore. It wasn’t the place where I could be myself, the place where I could be numerous versions of myself. It was the place, the room, where I had broken Pacifica Southeast’s heart. The place where she officially believed I had gone crazy, the moment where she decided she would ask for help, for medical help.

Her first instinct was grabbing her phone, I knew what she was doing. “GIDEON! NO!” she yelled as I tried to get the phone from her hand. “STOP”.

“WHO ARE YOU CALLING?”

“IT DOESN’T MATTER, JUST LET ME HELP YOU”. She desperately tried to pull my hand back. What would I do to the phone after I grabbed it? Would I break it? Would I hide it? “PLEASE…”

Pacifica was desperate. I was so focused on getting the phone from her hands that I didn’t even consider that maybe I did need medical help. Pills, maybe? Maybe they could give me pills that’d make me sleep? Maybe they could give me pills that would make me forget everything, so I’d finally allow Pacifica and Dipper to be happy without me.

Anything. Anything was better than that, than the confusion I was in, the lack of answers that I had. I finally got the phone, and walked away from Pacifica, holding my arm forward so she couldn’t get closer. “Why are you doing this?” Answers. I needed answers, not more questions.

Where was Bill, to help me? He was the one who told me Will was his brother, the one who could give me answers. Dipper had him now, didn’t he? What was he going to do to me? What was he going to do to me?

I passed out, dropping Pacifica’s phone on the ground. It thankfully didn’t break, and neither did my head, when it hit the floor as I fell down.

Chapter Text

Dipper Gleeful

“Will. How many realities are there?”

“Infinite, Master. Infinite realities”.

I was sitting on Stanford’s chair. So uncomfortable… So badly going with the room, terribly decorated in mostly grey and black, and no tints of blue whatsoever. That room was so ridiculous. I almost didn’t want to be rebelling against him, sitting on his chair, using his desk, and having William by my side. So many rules I was breaking, and for what? For a horrible room? For a chance at getting back at him after the bad things he had done for me?

He wasn’t even home. He wouldn’t be home for days, he’d never know I was there. Being a teenager was so dumb. The way I considered “vengeance” and “justice” was just so young and dull. Why didn’t Will tell me that was stupid? Was he trying to keep me from doing important things?

I almost beat him up, but decided I wasn’t angry enough. It felt good, being there, on that chair. It felt like he was dead, it felt like he was dead forever. I felt older and capable of being by myself, without a pitiful man around me.

I was still curious about alternate realities. “So… when you say Dream Demons want to destroy reality…”

“We crave to destroy all of reality. The complete concept of reality”.

“And what would there be?”

He started seeking an answer.

“I don’t remember”.

Hm. Maybe he was starting to become human even faster.

“Master. You should’ve asked me about him. You two have made a mistake”.

“ Mabel made the mistake, remember?” He nodded. Will was standing in the room, perfect as he always was, looking at me on the chair. “I was looking at you the entire time. You should’ve told me”.

I could get up and pretend that I was going to hit him, but what for? I just stayed on the chair, waiting for that conversation to get somewhere.

“I apologize. I should’ve told you”.

“Yeah. Yeah, you should’ve”.

Will stared at the floor. Maybe he missed being hit. I told my head to beat him up whenever I could, whenever I wanted to. I was sure he wouldn’t mind.

I remembered the fact I had another demon in my house. Together with my sister, was a monster like no other, who had plans no one knew of. What was I going to do about Bill Cipher? He was probably useful.

“If I could go back in time and ask you about Bill…” I began, him looking at me. “What would you have said?”

Will looked up as if he was thinking. He stared into my eyes again. “I would’ve said that Mabel is making a mistake. And that so are you”.

“And why would I be making a mistake too?”

“You should’ve stopped her,” he finished. “This isn’t going to work”.

How bad was it? “Did that destroy her life?”

I loved how honest Will was. “It possibly destroyed both her and your life”.

He shouldn’t have said that. Now it flew about my head. But I had to be okay. I had to calm myself down. My sister had a demon, but so did I. And William would help me through whatever happened.

“You’re going to help me, right?” He nodded. “Whatever happens?”

“Our deal is sealed until the day you die, Master”.

He seemed honest that time too.

“But do worry…”

He had no way of hurting me. I was on Stanford Gleeful’s fucking chair, after all. I had everything, and would soon achieve higher than everything could ever be. 

“I can see the future, William”.

“And he can change it”.

I nodded. Alright.

None of that could stay in my head for too long. “You should’ve done this, not that”, “I don’t believe you and your sister crave the same path”, “I doubt both of you will survive”... I had a date with Pacifica Southeast to take care of. If I went out with all of that in my mind, then it’d stay for the rest of the day, and that I didn’t want.

And so I held William by his shirt, and punched him once, and then twice, and then only three times.

He seemed not to care. He also helped me pick an outfit that I’d go out with, choosing the darkest shade of blue that I had for a shirt, and normal-looking jeans. 

While we were busy picking clothes, what would Bill and Mabel be doing? How different from us would the two of them be, would they also waste time working for plans that seem to have no back to them? Or would they be more forward, focusing on one thing at a time? That unpredictability killed me, I wanted Will to give me all the answers that he didn’t even have.

I had to focus on the date. I had to make Pacifica Southeast happy, and I had to make her fall in love with me. She had a crush, sure, a very heavy one, but I wanted her to really love me. That way, I could use her for so much. So much fun.

It was so stupid, how easy it was to manipulate everyone.

She called me when it was three in the afternoon. I was ready, in the outfit I knew she would love to see me in. I looked at myself in the mirror, thinking: a date? Really? You’re going on a date? There were things I’d only do if they were really beneficial to plans and that was one of those things. I made sure I’d be close to the door when Pacifica arrived and then… there she was.

I opened up to see her, a girl like no other but just like everyone else. Her hair was shining underneath the hot sun and she still wore a coat like it was cold outside. “Hey, Dipper!”

I had started to get used to her colorful braces. They didn’t bother me on the night of our first kiss, and surely didn’t bother me during our tenth kiss. It was just something that was funny to look at, the number of colors on that thing, about three different ones. I realized on that afternoon that she had a beautiful smile underneath those braces, and that the taste of her lips came from that pink lip gloss that she wore.

“Ready to go?”

She was too nice. Too nice for me. Pacifica was one of those sweet people who really didn’t deserve to know someone like me, someone who could modify the brains of other people by literally making them happier just with the sight of her. She was too soft, too perfectly shiny to ignore. 

Pacifica was someone I never thought I would ever meet. She was someone I’d look at and wonder: how does she exist in my life? She was simply not meant to be there, but also completely fitting with me. We looked so beautiful side by side. Me, a couple of inches taller than her, my short and dark hair, and her beautiful long colorful one. Her features, so delicate, and mine, so sharp and pointy, we just looked made to be. 

I understood why Pacifica was falling for me. Such an incredible face, unbelievable confidence. She also believed that we looked beautiful together, sometimes wanting to take mirror pictures to show how much our outfits contrasted, sometimes just letting me hold her hand, fingers thin and nails painted pink.

She surely loved that we looked good together, loved how beautiful the two of us were. That I had to admit: Pacifica Southeast was stunning. Her hair was straight and soft and running my hands through it was like running my fingers through water, except with a warmer texture. She had blue eyes that I just couldn’t believe, that weren’t unpleasant at all to stare at. Her legs were also unbelievable, and I did enjoy the fact that she wore all those colors.

It looked good on her. Contrast. Contrast looked amazing.

We had no plans for that afternoon, it was just us deciding to go out. Or better yet, her deciding to go out and me knowing exactly what to do.

What was that, our sixth date? I couldn’t be sure.

I walked her to the river near the limit of Gravity Falls, a place I was sure she would love to visit. I asked her if she liked fish, and boom, checkpoint. Pacifica started blabbering about fish in a way I hadn’t seen her do yet, taking out time until we got there. When we arrived, I made sure no one was around, and picked us a bench next to the pier, where it was beautiful.

What a sight, I thought. What a sight must it be, having the beautiful river in the background on a date with someone like me.

Pacifica turned to me to speak. “Clucks found something today”.

I turned back at her, smile on my face. “Clucks?”

“Yeah!” she seemed to be very excited on that day, as usual. “The chicken you made for me”.

“Oh!” I remembered the day. God, she had kept that? I could be sure that thing was dead already, how could Pacifica stand it? “What’d it find?”

“ She ”.

“Whoops. What’d she find?”

Pacifica shot me a big smile, reaching for something in her back pocket. I stared at her with a smirk, trying to seem curious, and saw the red stone she had.

“What’s that?”

“A stone. Not sure what,” she replied, still smiling. “Do you want it?”

Of course I didn’t. But for the plan, I had to say yes. “Of course. Thanks”.

Pacifica seemed satisfied with my actions. She cleaned her hands on the side of the bench, throwing away the pieces of dust that were on the stone. God, how long ago had that been on the ground?

I put the stone next to me on the chair, not wanting it to touch any part of my clothing. Pacifica was ready to continue the conversation.

“Also… I made something for you”.

From the other pocket, her front one, Pacifica got out an object. It was a bracelet, or something that resembled a bracelet. Made of small jewelry, probably fake, mostly blue but partly black. She looked as if she was so happy to be giving me that, and I recognized it quickly. Pacifica had the same bracelet, in the colors pink and orange, on her left arm.

That was the moment I realized, that was the moment that made me sure. Pacifica was already in love with me.

“Wow. Nice…” I responded, doing my best so my brain would obey me, instead of being distracted by the fact that my plan was working. I had to be romantic. Romantic, Mason. “Is that just like yours?”

She was glad that I had noticed she wore one. “Yeah,” she said, voice sweeter than I ever had heard it be. I grabbed the bracelet from my prey’s hand (this present didn’t have any dust, thankfully) and wrapped it around my wrist. “What do you think?”

“I love it! Do you like it?”

Of course I didn’t. But I liked the colors. “I love it”.

I leaned forward and kissed her on the lips.

“I’m glad you like it. I made it!”

“I know. You said it”.

“Oh. Sorry!”

Pacifica giggled beautifully too. She had the sort of laugh little kids would either love or make fun of. It was sometimes loud, but sometimes closed-off and gentle. Sometimes Pacifica was out there, and you’d look at her and be able to tell that she was the most sociable, the most extroverted being you would ever know.

But other times, she was silent staring, birds chirping, and low music. She was quiet, walking around without trying to make any noise, just sitting in silence and making puzzles together.

There were a lot of things Pacifica wasn’t, but also a lot that she had always been. A girl like her was not easy to describe in direct words, and was deserving of metaphors as much as were possible. She was all the elements at the same time, because she was intense. She wasn’t intense like Mabel, and she wasn’t intense like Wendy. She was intense in her own way, a way that mixed up too many lines of thinking, a way that would be better described by using a lot of languages at the same time.

As I could only speak two, I could use one word for Pacifica that seemed really fitting: sprezzatura.

But more than anything, she was part of my plans, and so I didn’t have to waste so much time on trying to explain what she was like. What mattered was that she existed, and that she had stayed in town because of me. What mattered was how much she loved every single kiss we shared, while I would never feel anything towards her. What mattered was how easy it would be to finally hurt her in the end. To see her hopeful eyes lose all brightness, her smile completely fade away.

So what mattered on that day was not trying to find what element resembled Pacifica the best way, but to rationalize everything that she’d be able to make me feel. Whenever she looked away from my eyes from embarrassment, I’d remind myself how amazing I was, and how much progress I had already made.

Every time she looked down on the floor, every time she breathed in after kissing me… A charming lady, I had to admit, but so naive… Falling for me made sense, but falling for a guy you barely knew, a guy you had barely touched and barely even seen, that made Pacifica naive. It made her so weak, so sensitive to reality. There was something I would say to her if I wasn’t evil and that was “be more protective”. I’d tell her to close her windows more often, to push people away. I’d tell Pacifica that it was okay, and even better for her, to not accept everything and everyone into a life. And that was all she needed to know to be perfect. That was pretty much everything she needed.

“What else does Clucks do?” I asked, because I was really curious about why she had kept the chicken I had given her.

“She’s learning to sing, you know!”

“Sing?” I asked. What was Pacifica on about? That was also a question I almost always had: what was Pacifica on about?

“Yeah! I mean… She makes noises together with me and… it’s so cute, I’m gonna send you a video!”

“Can you make it sing the Gleeful twins theme?” I joked.

“ She, Dipper. What’s with you and Gideon getting her pronouns wrong?

I raised my hands in an apology. Gideon. That name hadn’t come up since that evening. I wondered how he was, still traumatized at home. My work with Gideon was pretty much done, all I really wanted was to ruin his life for no reason and I had done that. And after the night on the bus station had worked out for me, I could take back everything I said and thought about having had bad plans. I regretted nothing. Gideon Pines was terrified of me and he had reason to be. That was my whole plan with him, he could’ve left on that day if it weren’t for the demon inside of him.

“How’s Gideon?” I asked. I knew she had taken him to the doctor, but I had no idea what he was like when he returned. Was he terrified? Taking pills because no one believed he was seeing demons, because even doctors were too stupid to believe things can be real? If anything bad had happened, I wondered how Pacifica would tell me. I wondered who she’d believe more, and if she was doubting anything her best friend was saying. I knew he had opened his fucking mouth about what I told him not to. But what made it okay, was that Pacifica was still there.

She wouldn’t believe him. No one would.

“He’s… better. He had something… Not sure how to explain what. He fell down, passed out for a while… It was just a whole thing… a whole chaos. How is the demon situation, by the way?”

Wow. Her best friend had passed out and gone to the hospital, and yet she was interested in something else… “It’s a work in progress. We’ve trapped him, and are now trying to find a way to get rid of him”.

I lied, but she didn’t know. “I thought Gideon was going crazy. I didn’t know demons existed”.

“Yeah, same,” I said. “Before I met Will I thought the same”.

She seemed too curious for my taste. “And how’d you meet him?”

I tried to remember the story, but I was only fifteen years of age. I remembered the book, and my uncle handing it to me. I remember reading the first few pages, forgetting about the world for some days, becoming obsessed… I remembered hanging out with Wendy for the last time before summoning Will, wearing a black coat because it was cold. A black coat and comfortable shoes.

I remembered my first thought seeing William. “I can’t believe that worked,” I said. And my uncle knew it would. My uncle was the one who knew magical creatures existed but I had no idea. I remembered William looking up at me, kneeling on the ground, switching his tired eyes between me and Mabel, and then choosing me. I remembered smiling as I shook his hands, and I remembered thinking it was only a dream when I woke up the next day.

But that was everything I could remember from the day I had met Will. I didn’t want to tell Pacifica all that, or even give her the really interesting details about the summoning. All I said was “my uncle… some things… Well, it’s complicated to explain”.

I still couldn’t believe Pacifica knew of Stanford’s existence now. If only he hadn’t decided to go “apologize to Gideon” like a dumbass, none of that would’ve happened. Pacifica would still think that I lived alone with my powerful butler, and wouldn’t know that such a low person shared even an ounce of blood with me. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to hit him the same way I hit William, or at least the same way he hit me. I wanted him to bleed, not even die, just bleed. I wanted to see his face destroyed, his nose busted and his eyes dripping blood. There was nothing I wanted more from Stanford than to see him suffer more than he had made me suffer. There was nothing I craved more than being able to kill him with both my hands.

I also couldn’t tell Pacifica any of that. She hadn’t believed anything Gideon might’ve told her, so who was I to ruin the beautiful way of things? She only nodded in response to my answer about Will. Maybe it wasn’t interesting, that story. Maybe it wasn’t interesting that my uncle had been the one to present me to my demon. Or maybe she didn’t want to talk about it, about my uncle. She clearly knew it was a topic I didn’t like discussing, and I respected that about Pacifica. I respected that she never asked about mother, and that she never told me anything about her own mother. Shit, if Pacifica was a shitty person, that plan would be a whole lot harder. I was very lucky that she was so good to everyone, that she just tried so hard. It was funny, of course, and also very ridiculous. But it was honest. It was who she was.

And I had to respect that about her.

“Actually, I’m more curious about how Gideon met Bill if you don’t mind telling me…”

“Bill?” she asked. “That’s the demon, right?” I nodded. “Is he brothers with Will?”

I nodded once more. She didn’t seem to know what sense to make of that. But it didn’t matter much.

“He told me he summoned him. There, at the hospital”.

“He told you at the hospital?”

“Yeah, when he was under a drug or something…” That was funny. “He told me he read about him in the…”

The… She had stopped speaking. “The what?” I asked her.

“The book. The journal”.

Of course. I knew that. The journal I had not paid enough attention to. The journal I had wanted for years, the object I had sought for so long. Right there, lost to me, in the hands of a pitiful human who only knew how to make mistakes. Gideon had the book back for less than a day before he summoned a dangerous being into our universe, and I hoped he saw how incredibly stupid he was.

Pacifica looked at me frowning now. She had narrow eyes, as if she was about to introduce a conversation I wouldn’t like. I didn’t know what she was going to say, but I knew I’d have to lie. It was a serious time for us, after all. Things were happening and we were… us. Not yet a couple but something close to that, and there were subjects we had to discuss, subjects of demons and magic, and everything in between. Whatever it was Pacifica was about to say, that wasn’t what I expected.

“That journal… You stole it from him. Didn’t you?”

Her sentence was more of an affirmation than a question per se. I couldn’t deny it, I couldn’t lie. All I needed to do was to find a way to fit that into my narrative. Merda.

“Yes. I’m sorry. I was desperate,” I lied, I lied, I lied so much… “That journal used to be of my family. Kinda… Not really, just… It’s something I cared about deeply”.

Pacifica nodded, but her facial expression didn’t seem to change much. She didn’t feel bad for me, and she clearly didn’t feel interested in my story. She felt neutral, still a little disappointed in me, making me know I had done something wrong. “I’m sorry”.

“It’s okay,” she said, probably lying too. “It’s just… That book wasn’t his. It was part of his uncle’s library, and he couldn’t really lose it, you know? Made him pretty nervous”. I nodded, feeling my cheeks get hot. “But it’s alright. You’re fine now, aren’t you?”

Poor girl. She didn’t know half of the story. If Gideon had said so much while he was drugged, why hadn’t he just spilled everything onto her? Even doped, that man was useless to my plans. Even in the hospital very far away, he still couldn’t seem to do what was beneficial for me, it was unbelievable. “Yeah, we’re fine now”, and that was the biggest lie of the day. “Fine now”, sure. Now that he was entirely scared of me, we were fine. Now that he had tried to escape town because he feared my demon would hurt him, we were fine. God, Pacifica, we actually couldn’t be better. The next step would be me stealing him away from you, making him my best friend.

I had to lie to a stupid girl like Pacifica. “Yeah, we’re fine now,” I had said, seeing in her eyes that now she felt bad for me.

“I’m glad,” she said. “It’d really hurt to see my best friend hate my b-”

She stopped herself mid-sentence. I smiled instantly, staring at her lips. 

“Your what?”

She seemed embarrassed by my question, taking her hands towards her face and covering them, but quickly pulling them away. That seemed like it had been a natural reaction. “My other best friend, I was gonna say”.

“Sure you were,” I responded with a smirk. Every answer that I chose seemed to make her burn hotter, and I could notice that because of how red she was becoming. God. So easy… So ridiculous to crack.

She stayed silent, a smile on her face. I smiled back, breaking eye contact like an awkward lover would. I wasn’t reading her mind, because I didn’t really want to, but I could feel her heart skip beats. One beat, two beats, she was nervous. So I held her hand, keeping it between us on the bench, and there: three beats.

“Sorry…” she said.

“Nothing to be sorry about, Pacifica…” I replied. I leaned closer to her and kissed her cheek, staying there, my lips on her face. She kept looking straight, down at the river, and I let go of her hand, slowly moving mine up to her hair, pulling it away from her neck. I moved carefully, and gradually traveled with my lips down to her chin, and then back to her neck. She was sweating with nervousness by my lips moving and wanting to bite her skin, but she stayed in place, pretty much motionless. “You can call me whatever you like”.

I read her mind. Pacifica didn’t want me to stop kissing her neck, and wanted me to ask to be her boyfriend. I could do both of those things.

I adjusted my head, using my teeth to gently bite down on her skin. Our legs were really close together on the bench, and so I pulled hers to be on top of mine. I finished my trails with a small peck on the side of her chin, and so leaned back again, going back to my initial position. She turned to me, kissing me on the lips.

“I’ll call you whatever you want to be called”.

I was ready to say it to her. I was ready to ask. “Pacifica,” I said. And it was so close, I got so close.

I was about to say “do you wanna be my girlfriend?” when my phone rang. It was Stanford.

Chapter Text

Gideon Pines

He was dangerous to her and that was too redundant.

I didn’t care enough that he was dangerous to me, and I also didn’t care enough that I wasn’t eating or sleeping correctly. Sure, a demon was a problem. Sure, a mind controlling session and one really traumatizing night were both a problem. But going whole days without properly eating or even drinking water was something I could’ve avoided.

I was so dumb. So completely stupid, I realized. I wasn’t just a moron who was ruining my best friend’s chance on a happy life, I was also a stupid piece of shit who couldn’t balance being scared and having a normal fucking life.

Busted, I was. When I woke up at the hospital with Melody by my side I knew how busted I was. Of course I had gone days without eating, of course. Of course I hadn’t closed my eyes properly in more than a week, what else was there? What else was possible?

There was one thing I knew, and that was that I didn’t want to talk to my dad on the phone.

Melody was a responsible adult and knew that calling my family was important. I had collapsed, for Christ’s sake, and had to be taken to a hospital out of town to be drugged down. Shit, what had she even told him?, I thought. Would he call me a “fucking wimp” because I went days without being able to take care of myself? Would he be happy, and say that I should've just starved, instead of eating the simple things I had eaten?

I had no idea, no way to predict it, because I avoided all his calls that were forwarded to me. “No, aunt Melody, please. I’ll talk to him later. I promise”. She’d always have to lie to him. “Gideon’s sleeping”, or “Gideon’s under medication”, she had to say for two days straight, and afterwards stare at me seriously. But I had to get a hold of myself. I couldn’t hide away from him forever, and so I knew that was the day. Melody wasn’t even home, she had left me alone for the first time, and so he’d call me. I was sure.

It was about three in the afternoon when I received his call. I was expecting screams, swearing, anything but what I heard.

“Gideon?”

My father spoke in a really normal, human voice. And that was something he didn’t use much often. “Hey…” I said with hope, but also terrified that it wouldn’t last. To my surprise, he replied in the same tone:

“Are you okay?”

I couldn’t believe that. My father, asking me if I was okay? That didn’t seem real, it seemed more like a disgusting dream I’d have at night, one that I’d tell my therapist about. That couldn’t be him, it had to be an alien taking his place or something. My mom would speak like that but… him?

“What happened?”

My world spun around. Why did he care? Since when did he care? And why wasn’t I able to reply? I was in a state of shock that made it impossible for me to say anything, or to even do anything. I had feared that moment for so many hours, for days straight, and there it was, being worse than I expected it.

“Gideon?”

“Uh. H-Hi, dad. Sorry. Bad signal”.

I could almost hear him sigh over hearing my voice. “Son. Please. What happened? What did you do?”

I was preparing myself, trying to get myself to speak. “I’m okay now, I…”

“Your aunt says you fell trying to save Pacifica!”

Oh. So that was why.

My father didn’t know what the real situation was, that it was completely my fault and not a simple hero situation. That way, I couldn’t judge whether he really cared about me enough or not, that was obvious.

Well. My hope was good while it lasted. But now, I only had to make sure I didn’t get any details of the fake story wrong. I let him speak about what he knew.

“She says it was terrible, that a man tried to hurt her, and that you were there to save the day. Son, that is so incredible of you, I wish I’d been there to see what you did. You were so brave”.

Sure. My mind was running in places, and I didn’t know what to say. Maybe he would even say he was proud of me, making my thoughts go even crazier. And maybe, that way, I’d really go insane. Maybe that was what was keeping me from being completely mad, the fact that my father still hated me. So obvious…

I had understood the situation already. “Yeah… Dad, it was…” I didn’t know what it would be like. “It was scary. For her, especially”.

“How did it happen? Tell me. Oh, your mom was so worried”.

Shit, what else had Melody said. “Uh… I hit him and… he hit me. I fell once and… I got really hurt”. My father stayed silent, and I could almost hear him nodding his head. “But… um, I won. I won the fight, and then Pacifica was okay. She didn’t get hurt at all”.

He paused. “Your aunt didn’t really tell it like that…” Fuck.

“I- I don’t remember much,” I said, lying, such a liar. “I think I hurt my head too bad”.

“Oh”.

He stopped. And I stopped to wonder if he really cared. If he did, he wouldn’t beat me up himself, right? If he did, he wouldn’t threaten to do the same to me, right?

God, it was too much. It was too much for my head to handle, too much for me to process. What other sentences would my dad say that would completely turn my brain around, making me confused about what was real and what wasn’t real about us? What else is there, father? What else would you say, what else would I have to hear? Would it ever end, the days stuck in my bedroom, praying to God that I could live outside of it one day, feeling real, feeling like an actual human being?

How could he even believe I had beat a man up? I was hardly five foot two, barely had any muscles, was he messing with me? I made a mental note to ask Melody later, why the fuck? Did she know it wouldn’t work if he knew the truth?

It was sad, having to live in a lie to make my father stand my existence. If he never wanted to have that accident kid, then it made sense for him to be happy it was a boy who could protect others.

“Your mom’s so proud of you, Gideon. And so am I. You did the right thing”.

“Who are you?” I wanted to say. “Thank you,” I said instead.

He kept speaking, but I couldn’t really hear him anymore. He was asking about my uncle, still believing he was there… I had to hang up. “See, dad, I’m kinda tired. I think I have to go…” “Oh! Okay. That’s understandable, son. Have a good day. Get well soon, okay?” I nodded. “Congratulations again. We love you”.

I hung up. He loved me. I hoped I’d been quick enough to turn off the phone before the tears started falling. That was the loudest cry of my life, I couldn’t stop, I couldn’t stop making noise. Everything fell down with the non-stop tears, as my eyes got wet and my chest hurt. It stung so much, crying. My phone vibrated but I couldn’t look, I couldn’t stop crying. 

I spent ten minutes like that. God, I hoped Wendy couldn’t hear me outside… I grabbed a pillow and tried to muffle down all the noises but they were still escaping. What a terrible destiny, crying because of your father’s bad words, and crying because of your father’s good words. When was I going to be free?

When I saw Pacifica’s message it was too late. “Dipper’s leaving early :( I’m going home”, she said. But I was already laying next to her, her holding me as I cried for twenty minutes more.

Chapter Text

Dipper Gleeful

Stanford was back. He made me greet him at home while Mabel was out with Bill somewhere. Stanford couldn’t know. He didn’t even know about the hidden passages in the journal, didn’t even know there was more than one journal, and Bill wasn’t something he was ready to know about.

Will cooked us something and we ate together, as we discussed changes to the Tent of Telepathy. Finally. Since Mabel wasn’t home my opinion mattered for once.

I dreamed about Pacifica that night. She looked beautiful, holding a blue rose in her hands, and bleeding from her lips. “Did you eat a rose?”

She only nodded, and her smile revealed even more blood inside of her. Despite the creepy scenery, she did not look sad at all. Pacifica had the same expression she had every time she looked at me, those bright blue eyes, round nose, defined eyebrows. The only thing that was different, besides the blood on her skin, was her outfit. Dream-Pacifica wore a yellow dress that went down to the middle of her thighs, one that embraced her perfectly around her chest, with a few ornaments on the side. She looked so absolutely stunning, literally dream-like. That version of Pacifica was something I didn’t usually see on a normal day, one with a perfect outfit and with fancy red blood dripping out. That Pacifica was ethereal, something I wanted to kiss desperately. And so I did.

I wore a suit in the dream, a basic black suit which also embraced my arms quite perfectly. We looked amazing. I could see myself in third person and we looked sublime. I approached Pacifica and kissed her softly on the nose, with a slight lean down. 

She smiled wide when I leaned back, this time showing an expression I hadn’t seen her have before. She raised up one eyebrow and maintained that colorful smile (which wasn’t very visible due to my dreams not happening in much color). Pacifica held my hand, and gave me the rose.

“Have it. I made it for you”.

“You made it?”

“Yeah. I planted it and everything. I’ve planted a lot of roses for you, Dipper”.

“Thank you, Pacifica. Do you wanna be my g-”

“Shh…”

My alarm woke me up at the perfect time it always did. No one was around, obviously, and I followed my routine.

It came the time to write my dream down. I grabbed my pen and wrote everything I could remember, from the texture on Pacifica’s skin and the color of her bright eyes. God, what was that? Why was I dreaming about her? Was I meant to? Head, were you meant to be dreaming about your soon-to-be girlfriend?

I thought about abandoning the plan completely. I could call her, or message her, and tell her that everything was just a misunderstanding, and that I actually didn’t like her. I didn’t, of course, but she really thought that I felt anything when I’d stare into her eyes. I didn’t ever feel my heartbeat go up for her and it was unfortunate that she thought I did. Many times.

Maybe she didn’t deserve all of that, but I didn’t care. I finished my routines while trying to forget about my dream the best I could. I then saw Mabel for the first time in two days, standing in the kitchen and eating a slice of bread.

“Mabel. Finally”.

She turned to me with a smirk. “Hello, brother”.

I stared her up and down. New clothes? Maybe not. “Hey. How was the month out with Bill?”

“So dramatic. We spent a whole day at the Tent of Telepathy, deciding stuff”.

“What kind of stuff?” What plans did they have? Was Mabel becoming powerful? Because I didn’t want that to happen, I didn’t want anyone around me to have any power.

“Stuff,” she giggled. “We called Gideon yesterday. Pretended to be his dad”.

“What?”

“Yeah, Bill can impersonate people. Isn’t that amazing?”

I thought. “Can Will do that too?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not”.

Huh.

Mabel was too unworried for my taste. How come she didn’t know if that really useful idea was only Bill’s? And if it was, shit. What other powers did he have that his brother didn’t?

“And what’d you do to Gideon? Ruin his family life or something?” I asked with a chuckle. That was an amazing idea, something I wished I had thought of earlier. If I could make his family hate him, or even Pacifica hate him, that’d be good… 

“No, dumbass,” I rolled my eyes. Disappointing, sweet sister. “I love him, remember?”

Oh, right. Her “love” for Gideon Pines, the same love that had almost got him killed less than a week before. That love was apparently relevant still, and that surprised me.

It was rare for Mabel not to kill the men she liked. It was like every single time she “fell in love”, she found out there was something terribly wrong about the guy, and he was dead in less than a day. I didn’t even bother introducing myself to her boyfriends anymore, since I knew they were going to die. But Gideon was lasting, lasting very long. Maybe too long.

“Maybe you want some help killing him…”

“Shut the fuck up. Anyway, we made his dad say he loves him, that he’s proud of him, all of that”.

“Wow, what a fucking useless thing”.

“Dad never did that to us. Every dad should say that to their kids”.

“Dad did say some things like that. But you know, before she died”.

I thought of mother, and didn’t think of dad even for a second. I remembered the woman that she was, and all the times she told us she loved us more than anything. All the times she showed us how much we mattered to them, how much she needed us to be around.

I remember every sight she threw at father, and me thinking that that was what love looked like. I wondered what it really did, what it really did look like.

When I realized it I had already asked Mabel. “What love looks like? Hm, I don’t know”.

Mabel wasn’t of much help. She never had a relationship in which she really loved the guy, at least love him enough to keep him alive.

Maybe I would never know. If I hadn’t had parents who loved one another, maybe I would never know what real love looked like.

“But I can tell you what it feels like”. 

“What does it feel like?”

“It feels… It feels like nothing else matters, you know? I hate the snow, for example. But if it had to snow every single day for me to be able to love Gideon, then I would take the deal. I love the Summer, but I would give up on it for him. When I look at him it’s like… It’s like it’s automatically a new day, a new year, like everything resets every time I see his eyes… It’s like a drug, to be honest. You get so obsessed with everything about him that you can’t imagine what life would be like without. You’d sell your possessions for him, you’d lose friends, family, even the most valuable people, just to have him stay…”

“It feels like watching your favorite movie for the tenth time, and every time you watch it there’s a different new scene. You have to pay attention to it, to be aware of all the little details, because you’re always anxious you’re going to miss something. Love is something you don’t ever want to end, because everything is new every day”.

That sounded horrible . Being new every day? There wasn’t anything that sounded worse. But it was like I always thought. Love was a drug, a terrible drug. In my words love was something that kept you buried in the ground, a reason for you to be stuck, with no progress whatsoever, for ages. And then after the ages were gone, what did you do? You lost your time, you lost everything because of the love you wanted to have. And that’s why love, in my eyes, was coming in last place. Loving sounded horrible.

But I also remembered mother again. Her dark blonde hair falling on my shoulders as she sang me to sleep was the closest I’d ever get to experiencing love.

Maybe she was the only person who was capable of love. The love she had for me, maybe it was rare in the world, the only love that was worth it, the only love that was real. I remembered being in her arms, and overhearing her say how I’m the most precious thing she’d ever have. That was real love. Overhearing someone talk about you, say good things about you. Inheriting mother’s powers was what real love was like, reading minds the same way she did, being fated to see the future just like she was.

The love that Mabel described wasn’t what that was, because it was comfortable. Mother’s love for me was comfortable, it lacked surprises and changes, and that’s what was so incredible about it. Every day I woke up knowing I’d have the chance to be held by her, to see her eyes as she spoke to me and my sister, and that was what love was like.

Hell. Maybe her eyes were what love looked like.

Love was a fucking nightmare and an insane dream at the same time, and no made-up dream Pacificas would ever achieve that level of devotion that my heart chose for the woman that mother was. No tight dresses and no blue roses, none of them would ever reach the level my mother’s soft hands were in. Nothing.

Jesus. Why was I asking for advice when the whole life I had with mother was right there on all corners of my brain? I could be so stupid sometimes, allowing Mabel to speak over me, allowing her and Stanford to be the only ones who got a choice on my concert… I could be a gigantic idiot if I didn’t pay attention to everything, God.

“I dreamed about him last night… He looked so good, he’s such a good guy, Dip-”

“Hey, I dreamed about Pacifica”.

“Really? Oooo, my brother’s in loooov-”

“No! Of course not”. How could she think something like that? “We’re nothing. I’m just using her”.

“Wow, what a bad boy…” Maybe I would be capable of loving Pacifica if she looked anything more like my sister. So stunning…

“Yeah, no,” I said. “Pacifica’s really useful for my plans, ok?”

“And what is that plan? Having someone love you?”

Yes. That was part of it.

“Looking good,” I replied. It was so obvious.

Chapter Text

Gideon Pines

I had to leave. Dad loved me. I had to go home and hug him, and forget that everything else had happened. I woke up earlier than Pacifica did and stood in the library, just thinking about the day I’d go home and give mom and dad the biggest hug.

I knew what I wanted to do with that day. And it was good that I had woken up so early.

With the journal in hands, I put on my cap and left the house.

I knew exactly where I was going. Every step, every turn, was absolutely calculated. I decided to walk through the town, instead of the forest, partly because the way was longer and partly because of how empty the trees’ surroundings were.

A hand touched my shoulder, and my body went static. I only found my breath again when I turned around and could see who it belonged to.

“Wow, calm down. Seen a ghost?”

Of course. My eyes were wide open. “No. Sorry. Hi, Wendy”.

I hadn’t seen Wendy since the day I had collapsed. She helped Pacifica carry me out of the back room and called Melody so she’d go home to take me to the hospital. It was embarrassing that our last time seeing one another had been when she had to help me, but it was even more embarrassing that I hadn’t seen her since then. She worked where I lived, for fuck’s sake.

“Hey, little boy. You okay?” I nodded, but couldn’t really answer. “Good. What happened?”

I explained the story to her, leaving out the obviously secretive details. I just told her that I was anxious because too many things were happening, and that I hadn’t eaten or slept properly. 

“Too many things? Try working at the Mystery Shack, Pines…” she said, sighing. “Don’t wanna go to work today. Where you going?”

“Nowhere”.

“Doesn’t look like you’re going nowhere. Hey. Don’t go days without eating anymore, huh? I’ll have my eyes on you”.

That was surprising. And very good to know.

“I won’t. Promise”.

“Good. Then bye, little man”.

“Wait! Why are you out so early?”

She stared at her watch. “Helping Robbie”.

Wendy pointed to the store that we were next to. I saw Robbie in there, standing with two bags and waiting for his turn in line. He saw me and waved. I waved back to him.

“Oh. Okay. I have to go”.

“Good luck with whatever. See you at work”.

I wondered if Wendy really hated working at the Mystery Shack as much as she said she did. Maybe she just hated working in general. Melody was pretty nice to her, so…

I left before she could say anything else, I was busy. I had to end it all on that day, I had to say goodbye to all those bad things.

I had to give Dipper the book.

I didn’t care about my uncle, I didn’t care about his bookstore or anything of the sorts, my dad loved me, or he thought he did. It was too much now, too much to think about. And I couldn’t reconcile my life with the Gleeful Twins’ existence, even if they were involved with Pacifica.

It was a lot but it was about to be over. All was about to be over. I would give him the book, say that everything was now okay, beg for him not to kill me, and then live my life.

That way, I could live. He hated me because of the book, didn’t he? With the book in hands, he’d now be happy. And if he was happy, he had no reason to hurt me anymore.

Or was Dipper more evil than that? Did he hurt me because he liked it?

Or did he hurt me because he knew I hated it?

I didn’t care, nothing really mattered anymore. Gravity Falls was a chess board and I just wanted to be safe, and out of the game. I could feel I was about to be killed by the King when I rang the doorbell to the Gleeful Mansion.

That place. That entrance. My head wasn’t ready, it wasn’t meant to be ready. But I was so moved by my own will to get out of that situation that nothing seemed to affect me as it should have. Their butler William was the one to get the door, thankfully.

He looked me up and down with saddish innocent eyes, and an enormous cut on his eyebrow. I felt so bad about the fact that, at that moment, I cared more about Mabel's location than about how he had got hurt.

But he was a demon. He was a demon.

“Mister Pines?” he asked with his weak voice.

“I need to talk to Dipper,” I responded firmly. The butler then bowed, making way for me to enter and turned his back to me, heading to the stairs of the place.

Mabel's perfume wasn't around, and that calmed me down. I sighed in relief. It didn't take long until I started hearing footsteps on the floor above my head. I tightly held my cap, pushing it down. There were clearly two people walking.

I couldn’t be scared of him, not on that day. But when I saw his blue eyes staring at me from the top of the stairs, I couldn't help but shake.

“Gideon?!” he exclaimed. I tried to smile with the intention of calming him down, but I didn't succeed. Dipper walked down the stairs, walking in my direction. “What are you doing here?”

I had too much to say. “I’m here to talk to you. It’s important”.

He furrowed his eyebrows and stared at Will, who nodded.

Dipper looked back at me, seemingly confused.

My legs already felt wobbly. He stretched out his left hand, and I shook it for the first time. I didn't even try to smile.

“Thinking of coming to our new presentation?”

“That's not exactly why I came”. I was trying to select my words with caution.

“Is it about that journal?”

I only nodded, but didn’t know what to say. In fact, I was there to also make sure that he was safe. To make sure that Pacifica was doing a good thing.

“Will. Will you please serve us two cups of tea? I’ll be with Gideon in the main office”.

I breathed in, afraid that without Will around, he would do something to me. It couldn’t happen, Pacifica would never forgive him.

His steps were fast, and I had to speed up in order to keep up with him, but thankfully the office wasn't that far away. It took us half a minute to get there. He opened the door for me and I looked inside the room before entering it to make sure it was safe.

I feared again that, without Will around, I was doomed to be killed.

A book with the number “2” on the cover was right there, on the table. It looked just like mine. Exactly like mine.

“Allow me to apologize for my servant's misconduct. My… demon butler”.

“What’d he do wrong?”

“I don’t know. But I like to pretend he did something”.

He smiled a crooked smile, clearly pretending that he didn't wish to kill me.

“How’d he get hurt?”

He smiled even more and even giggled. I almost regretted questioning him. We sat on wide, opposed armchairs, with a table and the diary between us. He, looking me in the eyes, said:

“Mabel uses daggers on him”.

I opened my eyes wide, and Dipper chuckled out loud.

“I'm just kidding, Pines”.

I forced myself to laugh. I stared at his journal with the sole purpose of changing the subject, and he followed my gaze.

“Yes, there are two. Three, even! Who knows? I’d like to listen to your theories about who wrote it, but I already know”. He was interrupted by Will, who entered the room with the tea that had been ordered on top of a blue tray and the saddest expression I had ever seen anyone wear. “Will! Thank you very much!”

Gleeful got up and picked the tray very carefully, placing it on top of the table. I smiled at Will, but he didn't smile back. Instead, he looked down, bowed again and withdrew from the room.

“Why’s he afraid of you?”

“Aren’t you afraid of me too?” he chuckled. “I could kill both of you if I wanted to”.

I nodded. “I wish Pacifica was listening to this”.

“Pacifica! How is she?” he showed interest. I wanted to puke at the thought of them together, the thought of her loving someone like him.

“Come on. You don’t actually like her, do you?”

Dipper shot me a mysterious look, together with a smirk. “Of course I do”.

That was just unreadable. No one would be able to know if that was a lie or not.

“Did she give you that?”

A bracelet. A bracelet on top of his book. He nodded.

“Well… I’m here to give you this”.

“Wait. What? But why?”

I was surprised by the fact that he didn’t attack me. “I don’t want it, okay? I don’t wanna be a part of this”.

Dipper stared at me like he had never stared at me before. I wanted to do something to him, but I wasn’t sure of what.

“Are you sure?”

Was I sure? I was more sure than I had ever been.

“I just want everything to be over”.

Dipper adjusted his back. He extended his arm towards me, and I gave him the book. He grabbed it and opened it, probably to check if it was real.

“Then this is it, Pines,” he said. “We’re even”.

I couldn’t call what we were “even”, but if that’s how he considered it, then that’s how it was. Dipper could choose anything, he could say anything, and I’d agree. There was nothing I wanted more than to respect his existence and to have him respect mine, and to never see him again.

Mabel was the only issue I had now. And I had to find a way to get through it.

Maybe he could help me.

“Can you help me with Mabel?”

“I can help you leave the house without her seeing you,” I nodded. “And that’s it”.

I guessed he didn’t have much control over his sister, or he didn’t want to bother with it. Either way, I agreed, and decided to just leave already.

When we left the room, he helped me mislead Mabel so that she wouldn't see me and took me to the door instead of asking Will to do it. “It feels more peaceful, Pines. Having the book is peaceful”.

“We don’t have to be enemies”.

“We’re not enemies. We’ve never been,” he finished. “And we’re cool now”.

I quickly went back to the shack. I couldn't remember what spending a good time with someone felt like, but I knew that nothing was perfect. My best friend was still falling for someone I didn’t like.

Speaking of her, I was received by her hopeful smile, her blonde hair and blue eyes, which were accompanying the excitement on her face. Her colorful braces had all the colors of the rainbow and more, I now could see.

“Where were you?” she asked. “You look so happy”.

“I was in the Gleeful mansion”.

Her smile faded, and she couldn’t understand why.

“What?”

“I had to talk to Dipper”.

Her smile came back. She didn't look disappointed, she just grinned.

Just like an angel.

“Are you guys better?”

“Yeah. I saw you gave him a bracelet”.

Looking down and still showing her teeth, she said:

“He wore the bracelet I made him?”

I nodded, nervous.

“This is the best summer of my life”.

Pacifica held me, and there, hugging the person I cared about most, I knew everything was over. She was the one I had sworn to protect, and together, we would be okay.

Chapter Text

Dipper Gleeful

Gideon Pines was so stupid.

There was nothing else he could do, nothing else anyone could do. With that book in hands, I only needed one more and then… it would all be okay. Gideon was stupid and weak and his white hair reminded me of snow. I still hated the guy with everything I had in me, just for the fact he had found the book first.

Pitiful human.

The bottom line was that now, I had everything. And I didn’t know what to do. What was next? I was destined for greatness, but how?

What was the process of growing up like? Were there rules? How would I do every single thing? Was there someone out there who could help me find my answers?

My mind replied to itself quickly: Will. Will was the only person I could count on, the only person in my life who wasn’t part of my family, the only person smart enough to understand me. Mabel was semi-smart, but too busy with her own failing plans. Stanford was not busy enough. But also not smart at all. I did my best to make sure he couldn’t see me, as I walked through all the corridors looking for Will.

There he was. In Stanford’s office, of course.

I couldn’t enter, because my uncle was right there. The door was half-open and Will was the only person you could see looking from the outside. But you could hear Stanford speaking to him, using his annoying old and bossy voice, telling him a lot of things, a lot of things I couldn’t care about. I snapped my fingers in silence so Will would look at me and he did, quickly turning his head back to Stanford, and then his eyes at me, when he probably wasn’t staring at him.

“Come with me,” I mouthed. Will widened his eyes and stared away once more. That man was good at acting. He waited until Stanford was done, and signed me to read his mind. Finger up, he did. I knew what that meant.

“Meet me down there. He doesn’t have the key”.

“Alright,” I mouthed again. I quickly left without making any noise, and went to the secret room Will liked to be in, down there under the house. It was silent, really peaceful. No wonder he loved being in a place like that.

I wondered how he felt in relation to Bill, if his mind was still racing. I wondered if he had such strong feelings about being a sibling, just like I did.

But I had myself to worry about. Was I still going to have William after I left that house and took total control of my life? I remembered the details of our deal, and that he was meant to serve and protect me “until the day I die”. So he would be there for me.

He was the perfect person for me to ask that, I was sure.

“Master?” William appeared, beautiful as always, his blue hair falling on top of his eyepatch. God, I remembered the day I had stared into the pit on his face, the day I saw mom’s death again.

Maybe she would be helping me if she had still been alive. But instead of her, I had to go for my demon butler.

“William. I need your help”.

“With what?”

I thought about everything I had to say, it all came to my head. The words spinned and spinned around and I feared that it was a subject I maybe didn’t want to share. Will was an amazing butler, an amazing person in my life, and he wouldn’t care that I was vulnerable, that I had something to worry about, but still. I was so terrified of being wrong, of all my plans having no reason to them, of nothingness,

that I had no idea what to tell him.

Alright, I knew what I wanted to say. “I don’t know what to do with my future”, I could try. But I didn’t want to sound like a confused teenager to the powerful being that William was and even to myself, who was a powerful being too. “I know what I want, but I fear I might not get there”. No, that was too weak. “I don’t know how to get there”, that was easier.

There were a lot of ways I could’ve begun, a lot of ways I could’ve started my conversation with Will. But I chose none of them. I could have told him what an incredible demon he was, and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life being powerful with him, with him serving me and helping me achieve greatness. But I didn’t. In fact, I began in a way I didn’t think I would’ve done: worrying for him.

Why was he in Stanford’s office? That place was only for really important things. Shit, maybe I should’ve been paying attention to their conversation.

I looked him in the eyes and decided to ask about it. “What were you and Stanford talking about?” I could say. But no, he would know I was trying to avoid talking about something else. Maybe I could start with… “What do you think about killing Stanford once I’m eighteen?”

But no. I’d seem young and weak.

The thing was that I needed to ask Will something. I had taken him to the secret room, for fuck’s sake. There was nothing I could do to escape that conversation, and even though I was terrified of having the first one, I still had the chance to create a good beginning to the second.

I failed immensely. “Did Stanford find out about Bill?”

No, Mason Gleeful. Of course Stanford didn’t find out about Bill. If he had, you would’ve been hit, or maybe even beaten up. If Stanford had found out about Bill nothing would be as silent as it was then, right, you fucking moron? Will couldn’t think I was a stupid person but he could definitely think I seemed stupid right then. I didn’t mind, I just needed an answer so I could get through with that and onto the next question, that I had already planned in my head. 

“No,” he said. “And he won’t. Unless you or Mabel want him to”.

“Yeah, we don’t,” I said, getting ready to continue. “Hey. I needed to ask you. Where exactly did Bill come from?”

Will broke eye contact, and looked to my left where there was nothing but air. “He came directly from a dimension in which you and Madam Mabel both existed, and that’s what I know”. I nodded, thinking again about that other me. That other me who had missed the opportunity to have a being like Bill, to have someone like a Dream Demon. But he was obviously someone else. Just someone with the same name as me in the entirety of the universe. “I haven’t had the chance to speak to him yet”.

“Since the day he came?!”

“Yes”.

“And do you want to? To speak to him?”

“Yes”.

I was surprised by Will’s answer. But again, I knew him. I knew how smart he was, and I knew how careful he was with everything that existed in his life. Will had told me so many times about his brothers. He told me so many times about how much and how little he remembered, simultaneously. He told me that since his consciousness had been compressed into a human brain, he had forgotten things. His energy and his powers were still there, but so limited. Will tried to remember words from his past life and he couldn’t. All that he could entirely picture was the void from when he was stuck, the infinite nothingness that I had saved him from. I felt incredibly bad for William but at the same time I knew I would like to forget certain things.

If I had a life as long as him, I would’ve liked to forget things.

“Okay. Will. The real reason I’m calling you here…”

He stared at me like he always did, paying attention and showing respect to me just like I wished all the people would do. I looked into his damaged eye and couldn’t find the courage, I just couldn’t say it. I had to think of something else.

But I did it anyway, his eyes made me want to.

“I don’t know what to do. With my future”.

William stared me up and down, seeming really confused.

“Are you asking me for life advice, Master?”

I forced a friendly laugh but that was exactly what I didn’t want. “I just don’t know what’s next, I don’t know what the next step should be. I have the books, so I should just get on with something and plan my next move, right? But I don’t know what it’s gonna be. I have no idea what to do, or how to get to where I’m meant to be”.

He didn’t judge me only because he never did. I knew he was holding back making fun of me, or my head knew he was. I thought about hitting him simply because of what my head believed in, but would it even be fair? Maybe for my future to happen I had to stop being so unfair to Will, and that was what was keeping me from happiness.

With that demon in my head, that demon saying everything was either wrong or right with no proof whatsoever, how could I even believe in a future for myself? “You’re going to die from falling from a very high place, Dipper”, it would tell me every day. Or “you’re going to die tripping on your feet on your way out of a bathtub”. There was no fucking peace. Not knowing if I would have a future because of that fucking demon was hell, it was worse than hell, and worse than anything Will could’ve gone through. When he looked at me to think of his answer I thought about how fucked up the inside of my head was and how I would take the time he took trapped in a heartbeat, not even considering the consequences, if I could trade my non-stop fucking brain for someone else’s. For a normal one. One without a demon in it.

Whatever my head was saying, Will didn’t make fun of me. He simply replied:

“Well. Life doesn’t… have to be so planned out, you know? It’s not… like there’s a rule. Like you need to achieve everything before a certain age, or whatever. It’s not like you need to do something in favor of your future. You don’t know what’s coming. Think about you when you were thirteen, that boy didn’t know what he would become, so there was no way he could make plans that long and stick to them. You know?”

Will spoke like a psychiatrist, like the psychiatrist I had never been to. He didn’t answer my question but he spoke beautifully.

“So I guess you… I can’t let you keep making these plans, Master. It won’t work like this, and when something goes off-track, you’ll be mad. And then you’ll hurt even more than if you hadn’t made a plan at all. There’s no way to know. Just wait. Wait for it and do small things for once. Stop thinking of your far future”.

It didn’t seem that far, but still, I opened my mouth, surprised that he had been that honest. Was I… bothering him with all of the plans I made? And did he really care that much? Did he care that I’d be disappointed, did he really care for my future as much as he said he did?

Because if William really cared for me, and didn’t just pretend to simply because of the deal, then maybe I didn’t need a future.

Maybe I could have a whole eternity.

I could see he wasn't even trying hard to tell me what he was telling me. He was, just like that, a human. I looked into William’s eye and couldn’t see a demon, I couldn't see his past or any shadows of what he used to be. 

He was possessed by humanity. He was one of us, one of my kind.

He probably thought I was going to beat him up. He was probably terrified, his eyes trembling and hands ready to hold the force of his body on the ground, as I kicked his face and heard him scream. But I didn’t want to hit him. And it wasn’t just my head, as much as that demon was convincing…

It was me. A choice. A choice led by me, and no one else. And that choice, that choice could be the first of many. Being led by impulsive planning wasn’t an option as much as it used to be, because I really heard what Will said. 

I understood him. I was just as human as he was.

“Okay”.

He looked surprised. 

“Alright. I’ll do that. If you promise me one thing”.

“What is that?” he asked.

“Stop speaking so pretty”.

Will laughed. I always loved it when he laughed, when he felt comfortable enough to laugh. “What would you like me to say?”

“I don’t know. Remember when I said you could call me Dipper?”

“Yes”.

“Well, you never did”.

He nodded. “Yes, you’re right”.

“Why’s that? Are you afraid?”

“No. Dipper”.

“Ah… It sounds so beautiful in your voice”.

“Thank you, Master”.

“I’m throwing a party”.

He nodded, still looking at me.

“A party?”

“Yes. A sort of ball,” I lied, lied completely. “I needed your help with everything. Decoration, outfits, ideas…”

“Telling Stanford…”

“Telling Stanford… See? You get it”.

“Alright. Should I tell him today or…”

“You know what I think we should do?” he nodded. “We should organize the party and not tell him”.

“That’s a terrible but good idea, Mason”. I narrowed my eyebrows. “Dipper”.

I nodded, nice job. “I’m going to need some help. Go over to Pacifica Southeast and Gideon Pines’ house, and give them the invitations. I’ll want them to be there”.

“Why?”

“I have a plan”.

Will stared into my eyes with an indecipherable expression. I realized what I had said.

“Shit…”

He seemed to forgive me. He always did…

“This is my last one. I promise”.

“It’s alright, Master”.

He nodded, smiling and apologizing for it right after. He walked towards the door, but before he could leave, I said:

“Remember that I can read minds, huh?” he froze and then turned to me. “Thanks for accepting to give Pacifica and Gideon the invitation, but don’t do that thing you thought about doing to them. That’s very very cruel”.

He nodded, said “I apologize, Dipper”, and left.

Chapter Text

Gideon Pines

I tried calling my father ten times but wasn’t ever successful. I left him many messages, asking him how he was, saying that I’d be back home soon, saying I was eating much better, and everything else he might need to know. He never picked up and never replied to any messages.

Maybe he was busy.

I checked to see what Pacifica was doing. She was sitting on the floor next to me. Her and her chicken, that Melody had for some reason let her bring into the house.

“Hey. Is Chuckles okay? Does she really like having that on her head?”

Pacifica liked to put a small hat on top of her chicken’s head. I thought that was very weird, but again, everything she did was.

“She loves it! Don’t ya, girl?” Chuckles then chuckled, which surprised me. “She wants uncle Gideon to come play with us. Don’t you, don’t you?”

Looking at that chicken’s face I felt nothing but confusion. Why had Dipper gotten her a chicken again? “Alright,” I got up from the bed, complaining. Wow, my legs still hurt.

“Yay!” Pacifica celebrated, moving Chuckles’ wings up. “Hey, Gideon!”

“Hey, Chuckles. So, what are you guys doing?”

“Fashion show,” she said. “Wanna see?”

I nodded. Pacifica then grabbed her chicken and moved her around as if she was walking on a runway. I giggled, and Pacifica did too.

“She’s so talented”.

“Isn’t she! Uncle Gideon’s proud of you, girl! He’s very proud”.

And, okay, I maybe liked it when she called me uncle Gideon. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like one day when Pacifica had a kid. I would be an uncle, instead of just having an uncle. She would be a mother, and just like that, we’d be adults. Pacifica would find a guy that she would choose to be the father of her children and just like that we’d be adults.

It was weird to think about it. I decided not to, at least too much.

“Have any more interactive things we can do?” I asked.

“Of course, Gideon, we have a whole collection of fun things to do!” With the way Pacifica acted, I could tell she was an only child. She just found fun in so many little things, and the kid inside of her was so big. I could feel a huge difference between us and one of them was that, the fact that she could turn everything into a fun hobby for her, and get distracted for hours.

God, was I happy that Pacifica easily found happiness. God, was I grateful.

“You have any plans for today, big boy?” She was playing with Chuckles’ wings still. That couldn’t be too healthy.

“Uh, me? Uh, I don’t know. Probably not,” I replied. Of course I didn’t have anything to do. What would a guy like me do in a place like that? My bad deal with Dipper was over so now what?

“Not even your summer reading? What were you doing on your phone?”

I remembered the scene of me giving the book back to Dipper, and knew I couldn’t tell her about it. If Melody found out that I had given away her book to a random (well, not so random) guy in town she would probably be furious. I couldn’t take that. “No. And I was just texting. Nothing serious”.

“Ooooh, texting Candy?”

“Candy?” I remembered the girl at the party. “Oh, no. Of course not, what the fuck. I barely got her name, you really think I’d have got her phone number?”

Pacifica shrugged. “I dunno. Hey! You can play with me and Chuckles for the whole day then!”

“I guess,” I replied, terrified for what awaited me. What kind of “fun” things did she and a chicken even do? Why did they spend so many hours together and why was Chuckles so obedient anyway? I didn’t know anything but I had nothing better to do, I just wanted to find out what sort of activities we would do. “What’re we doing?”

“Wanna play truth or dare?”

“Not really”.

“Hm… Crosswords?”

“How do any of these have to do with the chicken?”

“God, you’re so stupid!” she closed her eyes. “All games are chicken-themed, of course”.

“Chicken-themed?”

“Yes. For example… Wanna play truth or dare?”

“Sure. Why not?”

“Truth… or dare?”

Pacifica had been holding Chuckles for the last ten seconds and… was she staring at me? I didn’t know what would be a better choice: truth or dare, because I didn’t even know how chicken-themed things happened. I guess I had to just pick anything.

“Truth”.

“Loooseer. You scared of my dares?”

“What? No. I just… I don’t know? Dare?”

“Hm… Changing just because I told you too? It’s okay, Gideon. Truth”.

I was so confused, but giggled anyway. It had been a while since I just sat and talked to Pacifica.

I waited for her question. “What’s your favorite color on a chicken?”

I raised my eyebrows. “Brown?”

“Boring answer. But we’ll accept”. And she brought Chuckles close to her face. “Won’t we, baby? Won’t we accept his answer?”

I nodded. “Alright. Truth or dare, Pacifica?”

“Dare!”

What dares were considered “chicken-themed”? Hm…

“I dare you to sing a song about chickens”.

“Is that meant to be hard? Chickeeens, they’re super super beautiful…”

I started laughing. The way she was singing was hilarious.

“I love how you try to flyyy, even though you can’t… Oops, I’m sooorry, Chuckles…”

The tone that she had gone for could be considered to be from a rock n’ roll song, so that was hilarious. I continued laughing until my stomach hurt, as Pacifica kept humming with a smile on her face, trying hard not to laugh too.

“But one day, I’ll carry you all… With meeee… And you’ll finally…” She was usually much better at making music than that. Even Chuckles was starting to be scared. “Flyyyyy…”

Pacifica finished by pretending she had an electric guitar in front of her, and then laughed together with me. God how I missed that, just being able to sit on the bedroom floor and laugh for hours with my best friend. We laughed so much that Chuckles ended up running away, going out of the bedroom. Pacifica got up to grab her, widening her eyes but not ceasing to laugh.

“Chuckles, come back!” and she was able to get her before she left through the door, and came still laughing towards me. We took some minutes to cool down, and I lay on the wood as Pacifica sat with crossed legs and the chicken between them.

“It’s cool now, Chuckles,” I said, still with giggles wanting to leave my throat. God, I was finally happy. “Your mom’s a bit… crazy”.

“Hey, I’m just the best at dares,” she laughed. “Ah, okay. Okay, I’ve stopped laughing”.

She pressed her cheeks so her smile wouldn’t break her face apart. It was so cute when Pacifica laughed, ‘cause she closed her eyes completely and you could see her nose tilting up. It was adorable, to say the least. She made you feel like the best person in the world simply for being able to make her laugh. And just by seeing her smile, you’d be happy. Pacifica felt like home.

We finally were able to control ourselves completely. I wasn’t even thinking of my phone anymore, or of the reasons why my dad wouldn’t respond. I just wanted to keep playing that game. “Alright, I pick dare now. Let’s go”.

“Hm, okay,” she said with an evil smile. “Give Chuckles a kiss”.

“What? No!”

“Come on, I do it all the time, just a little kiss!”

“Pacifica, I’m not gonna kiss a chicken. You do it!”

“She needs to know you love her, Gideon! Please!”

And so I did it. I approached the two of them and kissed the chicken softly on the head. “Ouch, imagine if she bit me”.

“Chickens don’t bite, dummy. They peck!” She was smiling. “I pick truth”.

“If not the name Chuckles, what would you have named her?”

“Seraphine”.

“What? Why?”

“I like that name. Reminds me of snakes”.

“You like snakes?”

“Of course I do!” she said. “Ever seen their little teeth?”

“Okay, truth again”.

“If you had to either have a chicken or name your first kid ‘chicken’, what would you pick?”

“What the fuck, I’d obviously have a chicken. I wouldn’t name my kid chicken”.

“Why not? Chicken Pines, so beautiful!”

We laughed together, for the tenth time on that day.

“Can I pick truth again? Chuckles’ on my lap, I don’t want to move”.

“She looks cute like that, and okay,” I started thinking. “If you had to switch Chuckles for a snake or for a fish, what would you pick?”

Pacifica opened her mouth and furrowed her eyebrows. She looked so offended.

“What the fuck! I would never switch Chuckles for anything!”

“But the question is if you had to”.

“But I wouldn’t!”

“I wouldn’t have a chicken either, and I had to choose!”

She continued resisting. “No! Pick another question”.

I sighed. “Finee… Would you rather let me take care of her for a whole week or Dipper take care of her for a whole month?”

“Okay. That one is hard…”

Pacifica looked at the ceiling and started thinking about it. I couldn’t believe I was comfortable enough to mention Dipper Gleeful without feeling bad for it. I couldn’t believe I was naming a whole murderer during a pleasant conversation with my best friend and not feeling terrible for it. Pacifica didn’t seem to notice the change I had, but I hoped she would soon. I wasn’t so scared anymore, and now I could say his name.

And that made me really proud of myself. I could say his name!

“Alright, you’re both boys so you’d both suck! But like… hm…”

I kept staring at her and preparing my answer.

“I think you. It’s for a week, and I trust you,” she said. “Even though you’re dumb. I think you could take care of Chuckles for a week”.

I nodded. “Thanks for the trust, milady”. She smiled. “I don’t think I’d be a good chicken nanny but I think I’d be better than Dipper”.

“Don’t think that’s so great! You’d both suck at it. But I trust both you and him”.

It was weird. Being in the same category as Dipper Gleeful was weird and didn’t bother me anymore. What really puzzled me was how quickly everything had happened, and how it only took me being a hero for my father to love me for the first time in my life. Was everything that easy with the love of a parent? Was that all it took? As I stared at Pacifica’s lips while she said Dipper’s name, I wondered if I would’ve been so terrified of him if it hadn’t been for my father, if he hadn’t been calling me a coward forever. Would summer always be so peaceful? We only were about four weeks away from the end of it but it finally made sense.

As I still stared at Pacifica’s lips, the doorbell rang.

“Oops, I’ll get it!”

Pacifica got up excitedly and handed me Chuckles… literally. She grabbed the chicken and put it on top of my hand while I was laying on the floor. She ran to the door, always excited for doorbells.

I decided to sit, maybe that chicken really needed to know I loved her.

“Hey, good girl”.

I crossed my legs so she could sit on top of them and… she did! I smiled happily, glad that she didn’t hate me. Pacifica came running up the stairs faster than she had run down them.

“Speak of the devil!”

“What? What is it?”

“It’s an invitation,” she was smiling so much. “To… Dipper Gleeful’s party”.

I couldn’t believe that coincidence. Wow. “Really?”

“Yeah! A ball… Oh my God… Pacifica and company…”

I was company, obviously. A party… At Dipper Gleeful’s house… Where Mabel would be…

“So we’re obviously going! Oh God, you have a suit, right? I’m gonna make myself a dress, I’m gonna look so beautiful!”

A party. A party. I was still processing it. Was I ready for a party at his house? Things were good but…

That was maybe too much. Being there… where they lived. It all just seemed like a plan. It seemed like a scheme to get me and I didn’t love it. Were we both ready to be there? I wasn’t so sure. I had to protect Pacifica, didn’t I?

“What color should I pick?”

But she was just so excited. Her crush had invited her to a ball, for God’s sake.

We had to go to that party.

Chapter Text

Pacifica Southeast

His mansion was like nothing I had ever seen before.

When I went there for the first time, I was already surprised. Big staircases, even bigger doors and sculptures… But that room, that ballroom, it was just unbelievable.

The Gleeful mansion was like every mansion I had ever seen in movies. Everything was bright, beautiful, and looked like it had come out of a fairy tale. “Wow,” I told Gideon. “Wish I was rich”.

He was the first thing that I saw, after William opened the door for us. Dipper looked amazing. He wore an unbelievable black suit and his shoulders… His shoulders looked so broad and huggable. His hair was wet and dark and I… I just wanted to kiss him. I wanted him to kiss me and to notice my dress, to see my makeup up close, and everything else I had done for him and for myself.

The color I picked was blue. My dress was light blue, wide, shiny… I had never felt more like a princess. I looked like a princess. My hair was down, my makeup was perfect. My eyeshadow was gold and my lipstick was pink. I wore a necklace and the cleavage on the dress was stunning, the best one I had ever made. I had absolutely no doubt that I was the most beautiful girl in the whole room.

Maybe, on that day, I was the most beautiful girl in the whole world. It was impossible to ignore me as I moved around the room. My skirt was too wide, and my eyes shined too bright.

And I wasn’t even trying to feel as flawless as I felt. I just was, without a doubt, stunning. Perfect. There was no one who wasn’t looking at me, one head which wasn’t turning.

As I approached him slowly, he opened his mouth wide and stared at me walking. Dipper looked stupid from how good my dress was. I couldn’t wait until he found out I had made it myself.

I finally reached him, on the other side of the room. He had his arms loose and hands touching nowhere. Dipper paid attention to nothing but me. At that moment, I was all his eyes could see.

I wasn’t sure how much I was smiling, but I knew it was a lot. Dipper Gleeful couldn’t stop staring at me. He couldn’t stop looking me up and down, wondering why I wasn’t dancing with him. It felt so good, too good. My heart wouldn’t stop beating fast.

I loved him so much. I loved him so much…

“Pacifica! You came!” was the first thing he said. “Of course I did! You think I’d miss your party?”

Dipper nodded, with a smile this time. “You look…”

He found no words. I felt my smile burn even brighter. He was only slightly taller than me, so I was looking up.

He was… He was everything… His brown hair was so…

I just wanted to be on that night forever. Feeling like his princess.

“Wow”.

I couldn’t react. I had left him speechless, like I knew I would. My dress and my face were the ultimate level of that party, I could feel all eyes lay on me, like it was the ending of a beautiful movie, and I was the character no one expected to dance with the prince.

That evening promised everything. I thought about our first date again, the first time we discussed death, logic, and magic… I wondered what that Pacifica would think if she knew she’d one day be there in front of him…

Dressed so beautifully…

Holding his hands…

And being asked to dance…

She would probably not believe it, just how I wasn’t believing it right then. 

“It would be a pleasure, Dipper, I just…” and I looked back at the door of the room, checking to see where Gideon was. “Wait. He was just there. Two seconds ago”.

“Oh, Gideon?” I nodded. “Sorry I distracted you. I just couldn’t take my eyes away”.

I felt my face going red, and was grateful my makeup would be hiding it. I had to find Gideon, I couldn’t abandon him in a party like that.

“I gotta find him…” I said, disappointed. “Can we dance later?”

He was still holding my hand. With a smirk, he nodded. “Of course. It’s not even time for the dance yet. I just got excited to dance with you”.

“God, stop making me blush!” And I knew he could feel my heartbeat get louder when it happened. Maybe he was getting used to it. “Wanna help me find him?”

“Of course! It’ll be easier this way!”

Dipper and I walked around the party, even checking in the kitchen, full of people. I wanted to ask him about his past, about the reason he was so rich. That would be rude and invasive for now, but I could feel that there’d be a time where I’d be able to ask him anything I wanted. I was just interested in how Dipper was so perfect… How there seemed to be nothing that he couldn’t do, because everything that he did made me seem like I was in a movie.

A movie where I was a princess, a perfect princess with nothing but a big heart. And he, a prince who needed fixing, and who had a lot of love to give, underneath a seemingly broken soul.

I could write a script on me and my lover Dipper Gleeful. There was nothing I wanted to do more than kiss him.

“He’s not anywhere”.

“Yeah, seems like it. Wait”.

Dipper got out his phone, typing on it.

Instants later, he got back to me. 

“He’s with Mabel”.

I widened my eyes. “Is that good?”

He shrugged. “Of course”.

But I remembered everything that had happened. It was dangerous for them to be together, it wasn’t good for Gideon’s head. I grabbed my phone and saw two messages I hadn’t read of him.

Hey, Pacifica. I’m with Mabel, we’re cool :)

See you later.

I was surprised, and showed them to Dipper. If Gideon was fine, then who was I to say he wasn’t?

“And now… You wanna dance?”

“Of course, gentleman”.

“Then let’s go, dama”.

Dipper gave me his hand and I grabbed it, feeling like nothing else mattered, and that I was inside a screen. He and I were in a movie, and people from the audience were watching us walk, watching us look perfect on each other’s side. As his perfect hair got softer with every step, my dress shone with every glance people gave us, and there was nothing I wanted to do more than dance with him.

We reached the middle of the ballroom. Dipper and I adjusted our hands and just like that, we were dancing. He held on to my waist very carefully, as if he was afraid he’d destroy the dress if he touched too hard, or maybe my skin. His hand that was held on mine was hot, even sweaty, but I tried not to notice it too much. We danced around the room and I used the most skill that I could, because I didn’t have much. I didn’t step on his feet, and he didn’t hurt my hand, because we were perfect. Dipper and I were perfect and there was nobody who could stop us from being ourselves, and from dancing in that beautiful party. The lights shone yellow one time or another and made my dress shine even more. 

And so we kept on dancing together, for minutes on end. It felt like it would never end, and I already missed that moment even though it wasn’t over. The feeling of Dipper’s hands around my waist was too much for my head to handle.

He moved a string of hair away from my eyes. “You look like an angel, you know?”

I felt my smile grow by itself. “And you look like a prince”.

Dipper was smiling, but he never looked stupid doing it. His smile was soft, and short, and completely embracing. It was a smile I wanted to kiss, a smile that got closer and closer and that made you wish the owner of it would just hug you tight. It was a smile that I could not describe with human words, simply because Dipper’s face was too perfect to even exist. I felt like I was having my first kiss all over again, and yet, we were only dancing.

It was the best moment of my life in a long time. I thought about every second, every instant that passed, as I recounted my days. I thought about that room as if it was only filled by us, like no one was around to admire us because we didn’t need anyone else. And Dipper never, he didn’t, not once, take his eyes away from mine.

“I never want this moment to end”.

“I don’t either,” he giggled. “I bet everyone’s looking at us”.

I allowed myself to unglue my eyes from his for a moment, so I could look around and see the faces people were giving us. Wow. So many eyes. So much attention. Every eye either on my dress, or on Dipper’s suit, but mostly on us, the two of us together.

That was the day I realized we were meant to be. His hair matched mine and the darkness of his eyes matched the light in mine. His chin fit perfect next to mine, where we kissed slowly and perfectly. The way his fingers bent, and the way my long hair touched his shoulders, it just looked hand-painted. It was as if we had been built, built as humans together. Everything about me was insanely beautiful, and everything about him was exceptionally handsome. And we, together, had been created for that purpose: to attract eyes. 

Dipper eventually stopped dancing and so I realized the song was over. “Has it been three minutes?” I tried to ask, but didn’t say anything. I had no control over my voice, over my vocal chords.

All I could do was stare at him. No smile on my expression, but a wide one on his. My left hand around his shoulder and his right one touching me. I needed space, I needed to breathe.

I let go of Dipper and walked away. I felt him walk right behind. “Pacifica?”

I didn’t stop, I just kept walking fast. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

He was able to grab me, immediately loosening his grip when he already had me close to him. He turned me around carefully and I glanced at his chest so I wouldn’t look into his eyes, he was too much.

“Hey. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just…” I couldn’t even explain it. I felt like Gideon, freaking out for no reason. “I’m just overwhelmed is all… I don’t know…”

“Too many people looking at you?”

I breathed in. “Maybe”.

Dipper caressed my hair, he was there for me. There was nothing I wanted to do more than be in that evening.

“Hey. Wanna come to my room? We can sit and talk… Alone”.

I breathed in again. “S-Sure”.

And although I didn’t sound that sure, my heart was beating with certainty.

I was so sure.

He walked me through the corridors, they were long and narrow. It just felt so… secretive. Being in a place together with him, walking deeper into his house and going towards his bedroom.

We stopped at one point, and he just pushed me gently against the wall so he could kiss me again. I felt everything get hot inside me, the thought of being the only girl Dipper had his eyes on that evening... He secured my head so it wouldn't touch the wall, passing his fingers through my hair and slowly pulling on it. I held onto the collar of his shirt, pulling him closer to me the most I could, wanting our bodies to never separate. I touched on his chin with the tip of my fingers, noticing the slight presence of hair there, an imperfection he left behind for once. Something that only I knew. No other girl but me.

We walked more and he opened the door for me. His room was… blue. His walls were empty but his desk was covered by notebooks, all organized in a way that I knew meant something for him. His bed was made and his sheets were also blue, and I just felt so warm there.

It was physically warm too. Maybe it was his hand on mine, or maybe the lack of air conditioning. I just knew that I loved his room. It felt like him. It looked like him. And I was there.

I realized what I wanted to happen when he walked closer to me and closed the door. I was the one to grab the collar of his shirt and kiss his mouth softly. Dipper kissed me back, taking his left hand straight to the side of my face. He kissed me and pulled me slowly to where he was walking, really carefully not breaking the kiss. Our steps synchronized and got slower the closer we got to his bed, where he sat down and continued to kiss my lips.

I could feel tingles when his hand started slowly caressing me and traveling down my sides until they reached my waist. I just stood in front of where he was sitting on his bed, putting my hand on his shoulders and being in perfect position for the most chilling kiss of my life, one where the front of his knees touched the side of my thighs from under the dress. I moved my hips more to the front so he’d touch my legs even more, and didn’t break the kiss once.

He only broke the kiss when he looked me in the eyes and nodded his head, asking for permission. Not taking my eyes away from his, I nodded back, and yelped as he used the hands on my waist to pull me to the top of his bed, spinning me around until I was lying down and as he kneeled on top of me.

I could feel all the hairs in my body go up. Dipper touched my hair, and went straight to my neck to kiss all over it, leaving traces and walking down… and down… and down. I breathed heavily, nervously, as he kissed my chest softly and teased to take off my dress, but only if I’d allow it. He then came back up and kissed my lips again, biting them and using his talented tongue inside my mouth and leaving me so awake, wanting him so bad . He leaned away, analyzing every part of my extension, looking me in the eyes, in the lips, and in the heart. There was nothing he wanted more than me, and that I was sure of. Dipper looked at me like he was hungry, and I could see that he was. I smiled wide and he, without hesitating, smiled back.

Before everything happened, he whispered “I love you” and went back to kissing my neck.

Chapter Text

Mabel Gleeful

My eyes were hungry for him, Bill said he’d be there. “Where is he?”

“He’s near, I promise…”

Bill was hot. He floated up to the ceiling, standing upside down and waiting around with me in that dark room. “I hope you haven’t been lying to me, Bill my dear…”

“Of course not, milady…” he floated back down, kissing me on the hand. “Can you be patient for me?”

I shrugged. “Sure…”

I looked around the room once more. It was so dark but so well-decorated. Bill would help me with my plans there. Gideon would come, and then I’d lure him in. And so, the plan would begin.

“You want to go over the rules again?”

“Ugh, you aaaalways do this!” he complained. “Wanting to ‘go over’ stupid easy plans like lurking that dumb boy… It’s simple, he’s gonna come here, we’re gonna talk to him, he’s gonna love you because he’ll be traumatized. Easy! Really seems like you don’t trust your own plan”.

“Of course I do!”

He smiled wide, and that was starting to make me angry. Bill was a good demon, and he had been helping me for the last few days, but the nerve that man had…

He knew things. He knew things no one else knew about. He told me about his past universe, and about so much more. He knew of my power like no one else had known of it, and he would help me conquer the world.

We were making so many plans. There was so much we were going to do.

“Okay, okay. Focusing on the now. Where is he?”

Bill opened his eye again, and then he stared at me with a smile. “He’s close”.

I could feel my face grow hot. “H-How close?” 

“Pretty close,” I loved his voice. It was so much more attractive than Will’s, so much better to listen to. That demon, that new demon was just everything. The demon I had a deal with.

The focus was Gideon.

Ah, Gideon. Where art thou, Gideon? The boy who had caught my heart. The one I swore to protect. It hurt that he didn’t know he wanted me. But it didn’t have to hurt. Because once we were together, that would be it. Gideon would know, and I would be Mabel Pines, the love of his life, the light of his day, and he’d be there, by my side. Along with my power, all my power, I’d also have the love of my life.

And what would Dipper have?

His outfit looked amazing, I could admit. I had helped him pick it, and William had helped make it. And so, I could admit, my brother looked incredibly handsome. Maybe not as handsome as my demon Bill, but still…

Bill said he was closer than ever, whispering in my ear, so I started getting ready. I left the room and approached the dinner table where I’d be able to get a perfect view of the front door to the ballroom, and not be seen by anyone. My black dress was stunning, stunning but really thin, so I could help hide it. And so I saw him enter.

He was next to Pacifica Southeast, and he looked better than everyone else did. His white hair fell on his white skin like it never had before. He didn’t wear a cap and had his hair wet, his outfit black and blue and God, he was just perfect. 

I turned to Bill and he wasn’t even close. “Moron!” I whispered. He approached me with his hands in his pockets, smiling like an idiot. But a handsome idiot. “What?”

“What’s the plan?”

“Does there need to be one? Come on!”

“Stop yelling, idiot!” I turned around startled after noticing a woman was staring at me. “Hiiii”.

My face went red but she didn’t seem to care. She just waved and walked away quickly.

“See?” I turned to Bill. “You’re making people stare!”

“You sure they’re not just staring at the crazy girl standing next to the table and whispering?” he teased. Someone else passed us, and I waved again.

“Okay, idiot. No plan. I’m going to do this”.

I broke eye contact with him and adjusted my back. I was ready. I was ready, wasn’t I? I could do this. I could walk towards Gideon and ask him for a dance. Sure, he thought I was crazy. Sure, I had brainwashed him and he had summoned a demon in order to kill my brother but... 

I couldn’t do it.

Before he could see me I turned right, going straight to where the bathroom was. I didn’t even pay attention to whoever was around ‘cause I just needed more time to think.

I opened the door to the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror.

I was… something. I really was a pearl, huh? Hard to get used to. A perfect face.

I opened up the sink and grabbed some water, but not enough to ruin my makeup. I got my cheekbones wet and… breathe in. Breathe out. I couldn’t do that. Not in that way.

I needed a plan.

A white arm started pushing on the door and I turned around immediately. It was her, Pacifica Southeast. I paid attention to her face for the first time on that evening and her makeup looked less stupid than it usually did.

Instead of pink eyeshadow, she wore gold. And instead of pink lipstick or no lipstick at all, she wore gloss that really enhanced how full and drawn her lips were. What was she doing there? At the bathroom at the exact same time I was there. I stared into her eyes and they were nothing like any others I had ever seen. She was the first to speak.

“Mabel?” Her voice… Ugh, God, her voice. There was not a voice that made me angrier than hers. What is it like, Pacifica? What is it like being able to hang around Gideon all the time? Bet you feel like such a whore for that. Such a fucking bitch.

I wanted to pull her hair that she finally decided to let down. But her makeup looked too pretty to ruin, so I had to give it to her.

“What do you want?”

She seemed surprised, and finally closed the door behind her. “Uh… I wanted to use the bathroom”.

I turned back to the mirror. “Alright. Use it”.

Pacifica stood around and looked around, not sure what to do. That was when I saw her dress. Cute.

“Actually. I came here ‘cause I was nervous. About dancing with your brother”.

I looked at her through the mirror. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” she said with a giggle. “It’s stupid”.

“Nah,” I replied. “It’s not”.

“It’s not?”

“It’s okay to be nervous. Especially on your first time”. She nodded. “Ever danced with someone like that before?”

Pacifica breathed in. “Not someone I love”.

Love. So she loved my brother. I knew I couldn’t read minds but if I was able to, that wouldn’t surprise me so much. Still, I didn’t understand what she meant. I didn’t understand how she could love someone like Dipper. But again, looking at the situation one more time, maybe they were perfect for each other.

An evil guy, a good girl. Someone who would have people die for them, and someone who would die for others. They even looked… how could I say it? Good? Adorable? Together.

There was something. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it wasn’t so weird. Imagining them together, it wasn’t so weird anymore.

“Alright”.

I don’t think she had anything else to say. I also couldn’t continue. It was over. I had been nice once already.

“Have… you? Ever danced with someone?”

And I thought about him. Of course I had danced with someone before, but I couldn’t stop thinking about dancing with Gideon on that evening. We would also look so good together, but no one deserved to see us. We would dance inside that dark room Bill had for us.

“Yes”.

“Then you must be really experienced…”

An idea came to my head. If I helped Pacifica, I would be able to reach Gideon somehow. It was genius. She had to be the easiest way to reach him. “I am”. I turned to her. “Hey. I have an idea”.

Pacifica widened her eyes. “Really?”

“Yeah. Why don’t I take you to dance? That way you’ll rehearse and not be nervous when it’s time to go with him”.

I could see sparkles in her eyes. “Are you serious?”

She didn’t seem disappointed at the idea of dancing with someone who had used her best friend, but I accepted it anyway, obviously. I extended my hand to her and she stared at it.

“More than serious”.

Pacifica didn’t grab my hand, because maybe that was weird. We left the bathroom with a plan in mind, and she was just so naive. She walked with me to where Gideon would be, to where everyone would be, and if I was next to her, he wouldn’t be able not to talk to me.

I could see him when I arrived at the room. His hair looked so beautiful under the colored lights. Pink, even, it looked sometimes. I wanted to caress that hair. I wanted to go back to when I had been able to touch his hair, touch his face and skin for three days straight. God, how I missed him.

In the middle of the way I saw Bill, who grabbed my arm and started pulling me by it. “What? What’s up?”

Pacifica stopped walking and saw me get dragged away by that man. “Mabel! Are you okay?”

She seemingly didn’t recognize him. Thank God. She probably had never seen him.

“She’s okay,” Bill replied.

With me shaking under his grip, he pulled me very far away, making me miss the sight of Pacifica. “What??”

“Why are you wasting your time with her?”

“I’m not wasting time! We were gonna dance together!”

“Why?”

Why… I didn’t know why. I mean. There was a plan, wasn’t there? But what was it?

“You told me I wasn’t taking the plans seriously but look at you!”

“Excuse me? I was busy! It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, or who I’m doing it with”.

“Gideon is in the room”.

Oh, I paused. Shit. Maybe I really was wasting time after all. I really walked into the bathroom because I was nervous to talk to him, didn’t I? God, was there anything else useless I was going to do?

“I’m… Sorry. He’s there?”

“Yeah,” he said. “In the room you said you’d get him in. It took me a minute”.

Who knew I could be a failure? It was alright, I had to get over it. “Okay. Take me there”.

“You know where it is, milady”.

I started walking, and tied my arm around his. We only stopped walking ‘cause we heard a voice.

“Hey!”

It was Pacifica. Bill and I both turned around to see her with her beautiful dress, looking like she had run behind us.

Was she…

“Mabel! Are you okay?”

I nodded. “Yes… Don’t worry”.

“Just making sure… Hey, mister! That is not how you should treat a lady!”

Bill nodded seriously, his blond hair falling on his face. “I’m sorry. I…”

“Yeah, you should be!” I interrupted her.

“Pacifica! Don’t worry. He’s my boyfriend”.

“It doesn’t matter. Still not a way to treat a lady”.

Wow. I could feel my cheeks get red. Bill messed with the position of our arms to make us hold hands.

“I’m really sorry, I don’t know what got into me”.

That was stupid. I let go of his hand, walking closer to Pacifica and whispering:

“Hey. It’s okay, alright?”

“I believe you,” she said with a whisper. “But I don’t want him to hurt you. He’s not allowed to just ‘cause you’re dating him, okay?”

I nodded, not knowing what to say. I couldn’t believe it but I didn’t hate Pacifica anymore.

“Hey. You still wanna dance later?”

I stared into her bright eyes, nodding “why not”.

“Then I’ll see you later”.

Pacifica’s smile was beautiful. But her closed-mouth smile, with her lipgloss moving and her cheeks puffy, it was so much more appealing. It made her look like she had come out straight out of a movie, straight out of a magazine about the prettiest women you could ever see in Hollywood. I could see what Dipper saw on her.

It was the way she turned around that made me notice how beautiful her hair really was, and that I didn’t hate it as much as I said I did. Her dress was well-made. When she spun around the movement it made was just flawless. But there was something that wasn’t beautiful about her: the way she just went walking straight towards Dipper when she walked away.

He saw me from far away and stared intensely into my eyes. I stared back and wondered what he was thinking, and if he was reading my mind with his God damned power.

I had to go, Gideon was waiting. Bill held my hand again and pulled me as strongly as he had done the first time, or even with a tighter grip. “Ouch”.

I almost stepped on my dress but walked to the room running and unnoticed. I couldn’t believe he would be right behind that door. Would he look pretty? Would he look perfect and white-haired? Or would the lights from the ballroom reach the small windows that room had, ones no one could see from the outside?

I opened the door carefully, planning my next act. I let Bill walk behind me but didn’t know how Gideon would react. He closed the door behind us and turned on the lights.

And there he was. He was tied to a chair, only his arms leaned back and involved with a rope. He was scared by the sudden light and maybe it hurt his light eyes but what mattered is I was there. “Mabel…” he simply said.

“Okay. I know. I know, Gideon, I know I’ve been harsh. No. I’ve been awful. I’ve done awful things to you and I’ve tried doing even worse, and I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you, Gideon. All I wanted was for you to love me, because I love you so much”.

“Mabel…”

Bill walked away from us and stood on the far right of the room, waiting. “I’m sorry, Gideon…”

“Please, Mabel… Just let me go…”

No… It couldn’t be like that… Our conversation could not start in that way, a way that hurt so much. Gideon couldn’t hurt me anymore, it was supposed to be over.

“Gideon… I’m sorry…”

“I took so long…” he was crying. “To be able to come here again. To be able to go out again, to look into anyone’s eyes again…”

I couldn’t have hurt him so bad, could I? Didn’t that mean he loved me? It had to. It had to mean something.

“Do you know how hard it was for me to get dressed tonight?”

Bill was staring at me and then at him but neither of us looked back. Oh, Gideon. My poor Gideon. He had been hurt by such a horrible person, and that person was me. There was no one I hated more than me at that moment, no one I wanted to see suffer more than myself.

“How can I have hurt you this much?”

“You have to let me go”.

No.

“Please…”

I can’t.

“I’m leaving town soon. You can’t… You can’t be like this. I’m not a toy, Mabel. And I’m not going to be here forever. Please, you have to let me go, let both of us go”.

“I always have to let everyone go”.

“I’m sorry…”

He was so brave to talk to me like that. Such a brave man.

Maybe he wasn’t as fearful as I used to think he was. Maybe he was brave now.

God, how he had grown.

“But I don’t understand”.

“You hurt me”.

“But… I tried not to”.

“But you did, Mabel. You did”.

I couldn’t understand how I wasn’t crying. He couldn’t go. He couldn’t ever go. Gideon was written to be with me, wasn’t he? That was the only moment I wished I had my brother’s powers. The only moment I wished I could have a future vision, and know what was going to happen next. Was Bill good? Was he going to help me with everything? And could he fix my relationship with Gideon?

I stared at him at the back of the room, and he was looking back. He shrugged, seemingly smiling.

“What’s so funny?”

Gideon didn’t look because his arms were tied up but he closed his eyes in response. 

“You talking to me?”

“Yeah. What’s funny about this?”

Bill laughed. I could see Gideon’s tears fall faster and faster, with him looking down. “Humans… So hilarious”.

“Why?”

Gideon wasn’t saying anything, for his good.

“Look at the two of you. Helpless. While your brother is out there dancing with his lady… the two of you are there”.

Helpless.

“One is tied up…”

Helpless.

“One is in love”.

Absolutely, undeniably helpless.

“And you know you’re never going to work together”.

I could feel my heart crack into two million pieces and there was nothing I wanted to do more than tell them to leave that room so I could stay in it and cry. My chest hurt and my legs were wobbly and my arms threatened to stop working. I couldn’t do it, not survive at that moment. I wanted to stop existing, to make my heart stop beating and stop pressing up against me. I wanted Bill to stop, he had to stop speaking. He had to stop being right, to stop telling me that I was… And we were…

Helpless.

And who would be there, to collect the small pieces my heart would leave? Who would be there to hold me and tell me things would be alright, or not alright, and just not lie to me for once? Would Stanford be the only one who loved me, right there as I lost all hope of ever finding the love that my life craved, the love that my heart needed?

It was right. I had to let Gideon go. I had to stop being crazy, to stop acting insane. I would never be as good as my brother because I didn’t have his luck. I wasn’t a pretty boy, I wasn’t a powerful wizard. I wasn’t mother’s favorite and I wasn’t the one who would get the future I craved.

Because he could see the future, and had always been more loved than me. I was doomed to die the smartest, the most powerful, but the loneliest woman in existence. And it was all his fault. He, who decided to be born straight after me. He, who always had luck touching his hand, who always had everything he asked for, simply because he was… after all… perfect.

I couldn’t stay in that room anymore, I couldn’t see his face. “Go,” I said. “Please. Now. Before I do something I might regret”.

Gideon stared at me in surprise, nodding. “I’m…”

I only turned around, I couldn’t look at him. “Bill”. Bill understood me and walked towards Gideon to untie his arms from behind the chair. When he got up, I felt him walk towards me, I heard his steps get closer. “I’m sorry”.

No, I am, I wanted to say. But fuck… I didn’t want to hear his voice anymore. “Just go. Now”.

I heard the door open, and then the door close. My tears fell faster than his and I slapped the hand Bill rest on my shoulder even faster.

“Don’t touch me”. He raised his arm. I turned around, finally.

I could see through his eyes. Poor little girl, with my perfect hair and imperfect teeth, my ruined makeup but beautiful lipstick, was there anything more that I needed than love? When even my twin brother didn’t love me, who was I to deserve anything?

I wanted to ask Bill to kiss me, because maybe he could love me. But I couldn’t anymore, not get the love from men who were twice my age, that wasn’t right. My desperation didn’t have to guide me anymore and if Gideon wasn’t a toy, then I wasn’t a doll.

I couldn’t imagine my life even continuing after that. God, my chest hurt. I wanted Bill to leave the room and so I asked him to do just that.

“With honor, my lady”.

I stayed alone for one hour. Messing with my phone, messing with my dress… What else was there to mess with? Maybe I was meant to just eat cake for the rest of the evening, the flavor I had chosen was delicious. Was Stanford in his office? I could bring him a slice.

I turned the lights on and checked my makeup, but I couldn’t care. No matter what I wore, or what I looked like, the pitiful people outside that room couldn’t help me want to exist. Because none of them were able to give me what I needed.

“Fucking hell, mom… Why’d you have to die?”

I left the room and felt some eyes on me. The worst idea had been putting the cake in the ballroom because I’d need to enter the most crowded room in order to get it. I got a man to hold the door for me and went straight for the business so I wouldn’t waste so much time. 

God, that light was pink. Seeing Gideon underneath it, there next to Pacifica with no Dipper was overwhelming. They both saw me as I quickly kept walking away, straight to where the main table was so I could just grab my cake and go meet with the man who loved me. She went running towards me, unfortunately.

“Hey, what happened? Were you crying?” she asked. She smelled like Dipper.

“Is it obvious?”

“Maybe. Oh God, what happened?”

Pacifica looked behind me, and opened her mouth wide. I turned around and saw Bill there, standing perfectly next to a random woman.

“Oh”.

“Yeah,” it seemed like every plan to trick Pacifica was working. “It happens”.

“Yeah. It does. But… It’s for the best”.

You wouldn’t know. All the hatred that I used to have for Pacifica before that evening suddenly came back, with great force. I wanted her and my brother to get fucked and to leave that fucking world. I wanted them not to exist around me, as they were deserving of love while I fucking wasn’t. God, was she prettier than me? Was her blond hair better or her outfits more beautiful, and did I have to act like her in order to get love?

Was everything I’d ever get be lust and affection from older men? How did she do it, and how didn’t Gideon love her? Why hadn’t he just fallen for her?

I wanted her to disappear, and not hold my hand. I wanted her to stop staring into my eyes but I couldn’t stop staring into hers. I understood what was going on but didn’t want to. And then she said it to me.

“You promised me a dance”.

God, we would look stupid. Her with her everything, everything that was better than all I had. And me, wrecked. Wrecked and helpless. Someone who had all the love right inside her, and someone who would never, ever, experience true emotion.

I envied her so badly. The way she smiled at me and the way she didn’t have lipgloss on anymore…

God.

It wouldn’t hurt. Pacifica pulled me to the dancefloor without taking her eyes away from mine and without turning back. She guided me perfectly to the middle of the room and got in position with me, smiling wide.

“You ready?”

Ready? I was ready to leave. I was ready to get that over with and go to sleep. But when she tightened her fingers more around my shoulders, I realized I was ready to dance too.

I nodded without saying anything.

I couldn’t speak.

The song began playing and Pacifica and I moved our feet to the beat. Her dress was wide and touched my legs a bunch of times, but it wasn’t anything worse than fun… seeing that skirt move and move with every step we took.

Our hair jumped around as we danced together, spinning around the room with nothing to care about. She never stopped smiling, and I never stopped staring into her smile. As we reached one minute into the song, I smiled along.

I was happy. On that second, I was happy again. The music sounded nice and Pacifica was good at that dance and I was having fun. I didn’t want that to end, because it was better than drowning my incapability to ever be happy on the cake. It was just the best thing that could’ve happened that evening. It was better than the hope I had before turning the doorknock to the room Gideon was in, better than looking in the mirror and knowing I was the most gorgeous lady in that town. Dancing with Pacifica made me feel alive for a minute, and even better, it gave me a purpose that I knew I could get used to.

When we finished dancing I just wanted to thank her for everything. For trying to help me with Bill, for knowing what’s better for me, and now, for making me remember what fun was.

My smile couldn’t leave my face. A bunch of people around us, I now saw, were all smiling at us too, at how happy we looked and how much that moment mattered.

If I had been born different I would’ve thanked Pacifica right there. But all I did was turn around and leave the ballroom without cake and without any plans to speak to Stanford. All I wanted was to be in my room and to take that heavy dress off. The rest could wait.

Chapter Text

Dipper Gleeful

I woke up still thinking of the evening and still thinking about what I had told her.

“I love you”. What was that? “I love you”. But did I? As my mind went straight to the memory of her dress, of her hands touching my chest and hands, I noticed I wasn’t lying.

I really did love Pacifica Southeast.

There was nothing I could do. I was in love with her.

I couldn’t stop remembering her long hair falling on my skin. The way she smelled and the way her eyes looked when she was under me and… I woke up still thinking of her. I hadn’t left the room again during the party because I just wanted to take a shower and go to sleep, but I remembered seeing her put on her beautiful dress again.

Stanford was the first thing I saw in the morning. What did he want?

“So… It was a successful party, wasn’t it?”

“Yes”.

He nodded once, and then twice. I wanted him to nod one more. Since he didn’t, I pressed my right hand against my left one.

“Hm… Do you know why your sister left early?”

I shook my head.

“Are you sure?”

I didn’t even know that Mabel had left early. The last time I had seen her she was walking with Bill and talking to Pacifica… What had happened?

“Yes, Stanford”.

“Hm”.

He didn’t even wait. He slapped me on the face and left me to rest my hand there… Shit, I could feel the tears coming.

“Are you still sure?”

“What the fuck do you want me to say?”

There, another act of violence: he grabbed my shoulders and shook them so I would take my hand away from my face. The way he hurt my arms was very symmetrical, at least.

“What did you do to your sister?! Tell me, now!”

“I didn’t do anything!”

It took ten seconds for William to arrive. “Do you need help?” he said.

So brave, my demon. I just wanted him to hurt Stanford, could he do that? I was two weeks away from being eighteen, why not?

“No, William. I was leaving,” Stanford lied. “Mason will stay here until he’s decided to tell me the truth”.

I tried rolling my eyes but my skin burned too much. “Okay”.

“And you two will not speak. You’ll only wait for me”.

William nodded, and I held all the possible tears in, refusing to give Stanford any of them.

He left the room leaving William and me. He quickly walked close to me without making noise and touched my cheek to make it stop hurting. I nodded. “Thank you”.

“What does he think you did?” he whispered. I was glad Stanford was old enough to be at least a little hard of hearing. That could help us. 

“He thinks I did something to Mabel, which is crazy,” I replied. “I didn’t even see her at the party after me and…”

Will kept staring at me, waiting for me to continue.

“Nevermind. The last time I saw her she was with Bill…”

“Anyone looking for me?”

God, my heart started beating fast. “Whisper, you idiot!” Bill was so loud in a way that was so hard to believe, especially when he was existing in a house with a man who couldn’t know about his existence. “Sorry!” he joked, trying to whisper too, and laughing straight after.

“What did you do to Mabel?” I asked. I knew he had done something. Bill giggled one more time and I just wanted to slap him, instead of Will. Maybe if he was mine he could be my other punching bag.

“Oh, Mabel… She’s a charming lady, I have to say. Really sad and desperate, but charming…” I felt my bones heat up, and my fists got ready to punch one of them. “You’re not a charming gentleman, why is that? Is she older than you?”

“Shut the fuck up, demon,” and he laughed again.

“You’re also sad and desperate, I get it… Hey, what’s that on your neck?” Bill pointed to where my amulet was. “Oh… Wait… You’re a fake!”

William just stood in silence between us, like he was more terrified of what Bill could do to him than of what I could do to him. Obviously, I thought.

“He’s…” he tried to say.

“This is Will’s power, I’d recognize Dream Demon power anywhere. Wow… You hold no power”.

I couldn’t respond, because with every word Bill said I got angrier and angrier, but also lost my energy more and more. What was he doing? What were his plans?

What had he done to Mabel?

“When Mabel told me you were the one who had powers I thought she meant it, but, woah… Hey, William, how could you fall for this?”

“I can see the future,” I gathered the strength to say.

“Oh yeah? And what does it show?”

My head was blank. Completely empty.

“Exactly. You’re weak”.

Why… Why was he doing all that…

“It’s funny how weak you are”.

As quickly as Stanford had been to hit me, I prepared to hit Bill too. It wasn’t even rational, it wasn’t even something I knew was happening. My hand just felt like it was time to hit him on the face, to wreck him like I wrecked Will.

But he held my arm near his face, and almost turned it around. I yelled in pain and Will started trying to help me, almost losing hope for the poor bones near my elbow.

“What is going on here?”

Stanford wasn’t that deaf. Of course he heard me yelling in pain. And when he entered the room, and stared at the two identical demons, I felt the fear enter my body.

The plans were all ruined. And it was all my fault.

I had ruined every chance Mabel had to use that demon for her good. It was all over.

And all because I had fucked up. Because I had fucked up again.

And because I was busy being in love with Pacifica fucking Southeast, too weak and human to follow with my own narrative.

So stupid… All along, I was the stupid one. Me. And only me.

I could see the anger in Stanford’s eyes.

“W- Mason?!”

He sounded nervous, but he also sounded scared. I didn’t know which emotion of his made me feel the worst, but all I knew is I wanted that moment to be over. I wanted Will to throw me into the torturing memory of mother’s death just so I didn’t have to experience that present moment.

I only remember begging: “please, please don’t hit me again…”

Chapter Text

Gideon Pines

Opening up my suitcase was… interesting.

I had brought so many clothes, but worn so little. I had brought two different types of rubik cubes but hadn’t even played with one. When I started grabbing everything to find my socks in between that mess, I remembered the night we had almost run away from Gravity Falls.

Pacifica was so welcoming of the worst plan I had ever made, and I was surprised. If it had been her who said we needed to leave, I wouldn’t have gone. I would’ve begged that we stayed, if I was enjoying that trip so much. I wouldn’t believe there was a demon, and I wouldn’t believe my boyfriend had one in his house because that was how normal human minds thought about reality.

She woke up well in the first week after the party, but started feeling bad during the day, every day. Friday was the worst. “Gideon. I might need to go to the hospital”.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m sick. I feel like I need to puke”.

I didn’t know how to help. “Have you talked to Melody? She might have something”.

“She’s not home,” she pouted.

“You know what? I think Wendy’s here”.

“I don’t wanna bother her,” I nodded. “Well… I’ll be okay. Clucks will help me”.

“How is she, by the way?”

Pacifica looked around.

“I don’t know. Hopefully well. I’m just really tired right now”. I shook my head. “How are you, Gideon? You’ve been rather quiet since the party”.

“Yeah. I’m okay,” and for once, that was the truth. “Really, I’m just glad Mabel isn’t crazy anymore. And now I’m fine. I just want to read until this trip is over”.

“I’m happy for you, Gideon,” she smiled. “I really am”.

And there, I knew it was even more than okay. Sure, Pacifica was dating a guy that wasn’t… a good person. But we would leave in two weeks. We only had less than a month and they were going to be over, I had absolutely nothing to worry about. Pacifica would come with me to California, and then we’d forget it all. I would hug my dad and my mom and… there. It would all be just a really bad, and distant dream.

I couldn’t believe it when the doorbell rang again. So you mean it isn’t over? Holy shit, it just kept happening.

The Gleeful Twins were the only people who used the doorbell, who still knocked on doors. The rest of the people knew that it was normal to just enter a store, but they were too freaking weird. I ran my hand through my hair, knowing it was one of them, knowing it was probably Dipper wanting to get in touch with Pacifica.

“Uh, guys?” It was Wendy’s voice. “Come down here”.

“Think it’s Dipper?”

“Probably?” I replied. “Mabel hasn’t talked to me since the party”.

“That’s cool!” she giggled. “Dipper hasn’t texted this week either. I don’t know why”.

“That’s weird”.

But we didn’t have to ask anything: the answer was right there. Together with Wendy was that man, Stanford, and Dipper on his side. The man looked as angry and mature as he did the last time that exact same scene happened so it just felt like a déjà-vu. I didn’t know what to say, but I wasn’t nervous this time, I could do this.

“For you,” Wendy said and stepped away. She went back to her table and left me and Pacifica looking at the man, and then at Dipper.

That was weird.

“Gideon Pines,” Stanford began. “I’m here because I’ve heard that you summoned a demon against my niece and nephew”.

“What?” said Wendy.

“C-Can we go outside?”

The man nodded. I turned to Dipper as I went out and closed the door behind me, and he was staring at Pacifica.

His eyes looked… scared. No, not just scared. They looked horrified.

“I- I’m sorry, sir. Your nephew has-”

“I know what he’s done. And I’m here to put an end to all of this”. His voice was brave, deep and brave like I wanted mine to be. “You won’t be involving yourself in the business of my family ever again. You should’ve never attempted what you did with Bill Cipher and now we’re all going to pay for it. You’re a stupid child”.

“Hey, sorry, I-” Pacifica tried to interrupt him.

“And don’t you try to change my mind, miss. These beings are evil, and only mature people are to deal with it. I never should’ve allowed you teenagers to mess with them”. And when he said “teenagers”, he pointed at Dipper, and then at me, and then at Pacifica, one at a time. “Stay away from the journal. It’s ours now. Just leave this town and forget about all of this”.

I found space to reply. “That’s honestly my plan. I promise. I’m so sorry I-”

“Congratulations,” he interrupted. He was so angry, God. “Mason’s going to apologize right now. Aren’t you, Mason?”

Dipper looked up and closed his eyes. Was he… Was he holding tears in? He just looked so embarrassed to be there. Even I found myself feeling bad for him.

“I’m sorry,” his voice, broken.

“And?”

“And I’m never gonna do this again”.

“And what else?”

“I promise. Yeah”.

“Good boy,” and when Stanford approved, Dipper turned his back to us, walking a few inches away and rubbing his face. “And you, Pacifica… You’re not seeing my nephew ever again. He needs to focus on his studies. And none of them include you”.

I turned my face to Pacifica, who had her eyes wide. “W-” she couldn’t even say anything. Stanford held his hand up. “I was clear”.

During all that time, all those words, I was waiting for Dipper to turn back. I was waiting for him to be sarcastic and to say he’d be with Pacifica if he wanted to, but he didn’t even move. He just stayed there, his back turned to us and his hand on his face. Dipper was far too embarrassed to cry in front of us, and he wouldn’t even try .

Stanford turned away, and walked. Dipper started walking next to him and then they disappeared into the forest.

My hand didn’t reach Pacifica fast enough, she just started crying without me being able to do anything. I sucked at that, I sucked with emotions, especially if they weren’t mine. So I just watched her cry, and knew that she would hug me eventually. Her arms went straight around my neck and she pulled me closer with strength. That was the hardest thing. Seeing Pacifica cry, that was the hardest thing.

She stood there crying for minutes. Pacifica was really hard to break, so that was just… too much for me to see. I suddenly hated Dipper again, though I understood him. Shit, I just couldn’t make up my mind about that guy.

But what mattered was Pacifica. After a few minutes crying on my arms, she whispered to me:

“Why do boys always break my heart?”

I could feel my mind race. God, I hated that moment so much. The way it hurt me to see Pacifica hurt was insane and I just… I couldn’t understand. I couldn’t understand how things had gotten so out of hand, and why that adult was… I didn’t even know the questions I wanted to ask.

But there was one thing I knew: our times with the Gleeful Twins were new both over.

“It’s okay. Hey. I’m gonna make you some chocolate, ok?”

Pacifica giggled from under my hug, saying “you don’t even know how to make chocolate”.

“I can try for you”. She laughed. “Come on now, let’s have some fun. Let’s find Clucks, play with her a little. I have a lot of ideas for chicken-themed dares, y’know?”

She pulled away, rubbing her wet eyes. “Really?”

“Yeah!” I smiled. “I just need help with something before”.

“What? Your T-shot?”

“That too”. She laughed again. “I need help making you chocolate”.

And then Pacifica laughed in a way that just made everything okay. Nodding, she agreed that she would try to be happy with me, and we entered the house again.

Wendy saw that Pacifica’s eyes were bright but she didn’t ask. She just went back to painting her nails while I hoped that chocolate would come out good.

Chapter Text

Dipper Gleeful

Every time I looked in the fucking mirror I saw her. With every breath I took an image of Pacifica Southeast came to my head and all I could do was hope that that sickness would be over and that I’d be over her. But it seemed never-ending. When I looked at pictures I had of her I just couldn’t help but imagining us together, years on end, not only for that summer, and that was so fucking infuriating.

She had absolutely replaced mother. The love I thought I knew, it wasn’t strong enough. What I felt for the woman that raised me, used to be so important, but now… it was so empty. And it was offensive that Pacifica had stolen her importance just… like that. Just by being a beautiful sight, by having a beautiful voice. Just by making me like her company, and just by being everything I didn’t know I needed.

Fuck. The situation was bad. I walked around the room not knowing what to do. Her death date was coming up and still, I had nothing but Pacifica in my head. With every turn, I saw her smile. With every sleep, I heard her voice. And when Stanford took me to her I just…

Stanford.

“Fuck. Fuck you,” I told my mirror. “Fuck you so much. I fucking hate you. I fucking hate you for making me forget about her”.

Who was I even talking to, whispering to my reflection? Was I trying to express how much I hated myself or the pitiful man I shared a life with? And was it true? Was it true he was the fault of mother slipping away or… was she always meant to?

I cursed at my own head, offended that I could even think that. Mother was irreplaceable and the pit she had left was soon to be filled up. And Pacifica couldn’t do that, could she? Why did she attract me so much anyway? I loved her. I knew I loved her. But why?

Why did I deserve love?

The thing was that because of Stanford, she might’ve been falling out of love with me. And then, what would I do? I wouldn’t be able to undo his mistakes, and it would all be over quicker than it had been created. I would lose her and hurt, and God how it would hurt.

I couldn’t lose her, the only one who could replace mother’s love. In no way could I lose Pacifica Southeast, because I was more scared of losing her than loving her. And what was all that? What were all those thoughts and where would they end? Would they go away only when I did?

I would have turned to William. I would have asked him what to do. I would have asked him for help with a new plan, I would have cracked his knuckles together with mine, I would have done what I usually did.

But I didn't. I couldn't. William Cipher was somewhere in that house, but I was forbidden to see him. I was forced to be even more stuck in my own head, having to plan it all again. Having to change all of my routine. Having to mess with every single major point in my life.

If someone was capable of messing with me, that was Stanford. And if Mabel was going to kill Gideon out of love someday, I would kill our uncle out of vengeance.

I ran to my office and sat down on my desk, ignoring my thoughts about whatever people would be doing, about whatever Gideon and Pacifica would be doing at home.

I would not forget my own destiny. I would not forget that I had it with me. Journal number three, journal number two... I joined them both, noticing the clear difference between both covers. Journal two was not at all messy, it was clean. There were a few imperfections and rips here and there, but it did not compare to journal three. That one seemed older, more damaged. It was like comparing me and my beautiful sister. One was organized and right. The other was a pure mess. A pure beautiful mess... the contents were completely different too.

In one, the author seemed so sure... He seemed so happy, so safe. He wrote William as an incredible being who was still unknown to the world. Only he knows what happened between the two. Only he is aware of whatever it was he did to that man. Only him.

Only William knew who the author was. Only he dealt with him more than [undefined time] ago. And only he, only he , was not allowed to see me.

“Concentrate, Mason.” I yelled a swear word. “Kill him later”.

But for my head, there was no later. It wanted Stanford to be dead. It wanted to kill him now, at this moment, instantly. There was no waiting. My head needed his blood, it needed his pain.

I remembed Will explaining how my head worked. "You are like a bottomless pit, Master" he said. "It keeps going, it never ends. And you don't know where it leads. Or if it even leads somewhere other than plain infinity."

What I thought for Stanford needed to happen, the bottomless pit was telling me to do it. It was demanding that I hurt Stanford.

 And that's why I needed to hurt Will.

I obeyed. I needed to hit William. My head told me so. I needed to make him bleed, to make his eyes red and skin purple. I needed him to cry for me, his blood to fall. I needed his teeth to break and his breathing to get hard. I needed to hear the sound of his agonised body fall to the floor, bones breaking and wounds opening. I needed to see, not just crave it.

I needed William to break right in front of me. And not only in my thoughts. And then, only then, my head would wait to kill Stanford.

I closed both books and rushed outside. All I concentrated on were my steps down the stairs and the preoccupation of stepping with the left foot last. Reaching the first floor, my eyes started searching for him. William was like part of me, so finding him was not hard. When I entered the room he was in, I saw his eyebrows frowning. And he knew. Just like he knew lots of things. Just like he knew me well, too well.

He just knew. And like he was, he couldn't do anything about it.

“Stanford didn't say anything about this,” and I punched his face with all the strength I could find. William dropped everything he was holding and fell hard on the floor. He was already bleeding, cheek as red as my own fist, and I sat on his stomach and punched him again. What he had dropped were glass cups, and they were broken to pieces now, all around that terrifyingly beautiful crime scene.

William spat out blood. His blue eye was closed and clearly wet. And so I punched it. I hit his face more times than I probably ever did. He bled like he never had before, and his arms that I held against the ground wouldn't stop moving and trembling. I thought about what Stanford would say if he saw me beating my butler inside a bloody kitchen and then, it was him. All I could see, stamped over William's face, was Stanford.

There he was. The man I wished to kill. The one I hated with all my guts. Right underneath me, bleeding. Suffering. Dying.

There we were. Was that the moment of his death?

I let go of Stanford's arms, but he did not move them. He just stared at me with his wrecked face, a few tears rolling down his skin. Blood could be found all over his hair, making it wet with his own juice, and I was thankful.

Taking a break from the punching, I stood back. I could see his chin was split open, in need of hospital emergency.

I looked deeply into his eyes. The man who disrespected me every single day. The man who deserved to die.

And he would.

I grabbed one of the shards of glass sitting around us, and I sank them into Stanford's neck, pressing it down with force. He screamed. He screamed the longest noise I had ever heard him scream, as he closed his eyes in affliction and struggle.

But that was not his voice.

My head let go of the vision, leaving a heavily damaged William underneath me. My eyes opened wide in complete shock, and I instantly let go of the glass. God, what was I doing?!

“Will!” I yelled, louder than my brain intended. “Are you okay?! Oh God, I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry!”

I hopelessly tried to help him, doing my best not to take the glass shard off his skin, that would kill him. I was so horrified at the thought of killing Will that I was just becoming a burden to the situation, making it all worse. William pushed my hands away, trying to make me stop helping.

“Please, Will, I'm so dumb. Please don't die, you know I can't go on without you, please, please don't die. Please, Will”.

I cursed myself. My head cursed itself. The universe cursed me. I hated myself for being so stupid and impulsive. William was trying to calm me down, even at the verge of death.

“I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry…”

I stood up. I don't know what happened after I covered my eyes. All I know is I walked away from William's body, crying. I did not know if I would be able to forgive my brain if it killed him.

I did not know. And maybe I wasn't so smart and powerful after all.

“Mother”.

I whispered.

“Mother, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry”.

My eyes were still being covered by my hands, but I felt William's hand on my face. I looked at him, his completely destroyed structure and his blood all over me, but he was standing up. He tried to calm me down while ripping the glass from his neck like the strong and actually powerful being he was. Maybe I didn't know much about his kind. Maybe I didn't know much about his pain tolerance, all I knew is that he did feel pain. Maybe I couldn't kill William accidentally. Maybe I couldn't kill William in any standard way. Maybe he adapted to my stupidity because of the deal. And maybe on that day, him holding me against his blood-soaked body, was the image of the deal itself.

Maybe that was the most powerful thing I could ever be a part of.

As we pulled away, I analysed him, blaming myself for it all. His neck would not stop bleeding. And he was clearly dying. That was not something demons were immune to, I knew it.

But I was dying more than he was.

He held both my hands, squeezing them like I used to do to his, and he smiled. That was the most fake smile I had ever seen anyone form. But it was also the most beautiful one. Everything was so beautifully fake. So perfectly false. And I could see in his eye.

He did not want to leave me either.

“Is this…” I fought with my tears, not caring about anything in the world other than him. “Is this what she would've wanted us to become?”

I remembered Mabel, torturing a weak boy in that same house as I decided to be a failure in. I thought about what she would say. I knew what she would say.

William's smile faded into a delicate reassuring stare. He knew just what to do.

“Yes, Master,” he lied. “It is”.

Chapter Text

Will Cipher

I couldn’t stand to look at his face anymore. Any second that I looked at him, was another second that I kept him alive. It didn’t make sense for him to be there anymore, one of us should’ve died already, and I couldn’t understand what his reasons for not killing me were, and why I was still there.

My brother was confusing me and I needed to put an end to that. I waited until Stanford stopped yelling at me, and left the room to find him.

I had to make sure Stanford and Mason wouldn’t see me. I looked around, calling for Bill’s name. He appeared quickly.

“Hello, brother,” he suddenly turned up. I didn’t understand how he could do that, even without his powers. Maybe being trapped in a human body wasn’t so bad for him, maybe he enjoyed it. “Meet me in the woods. Have something to ask of you”.

He disappeared, and I wasted no time. I walked towards the door and left the mansion, not giving a fuck if I’d be needed or not.

I needed to get things done.

“You know what I want, Will. And I won’t leave until I have it”.

“You can’t leave until you have it. And why should I give it to you? Are you going to keep me alive?”

I didn’t hear him say anything back. I kept walking, knowing he would much rather talk about it in the middle of the woods, where no one would be able to see or hear us even if we screamed.

The tree to my left made me aware of where I was, I stopped walking. I heard the noise of grass being stepped on and turned around, only to see him smirking, walking towards me. He turned my body towards his, waiting to see who would begin talking.

I didn’t have time to lose. I began.

“Bill. You’re not going to leave this dimension”.

He pouted at me. “And why not? Brother, I believe you’ve kept me around for too long.

“No shit I have,” he stopped walking, still holding that annoying smirk around his lips. “I have the rift hidden where you’ll never find it. Even if you killed me you wouldn’t be able to get it”.

“I believe you, brother. I’m not going to kill you, I promise,” he said. “Say, what’s that on your neck?”

I remembered the scene. Master Mason sometimes did too much. Sometimes he got out of control. And if it hadn’t been for all the strength I had, he would have killed my human body with the ridiculous force of his attack with glass. But I couldn’t explain all that to Bill. And moreover, I didn’t owe him an explanation. He wouldn’t understand my dynamic with those children, and would definitely kill me if he found out how much I had to babysit that insane little boy.

But Bill kept staring at the huge mark I had around my neck, part of which my collar couldn’t hide.

“It’s none of your business”.

“Wait, wait. Did he stab you?”

I didn’t respond, all I did was nod. But I kept staring into Bill’s yellow eye, waiting anxiously for the moment he would break his promise. He seemed to enjoy my lack of an answer,

and he smiled wide.

“You really became one of them, huh?”

“I didn’t. You wanna see fucking stabbing?”

“Woah, woah, I’m cool”. He raised his hands. “See, Will… I’m one too, right now… This body is pretty interesting but… so fragile. You’ve really been dealing with this all day, every day… for the last, what, twenty years?”

“Four years”.

“Four. You became a human in four years”. My teeth were starting to tremble. “Is it really that strong? Or are you just weak? I don’t see how four years can measure up against an eternity of being a demon. For, what, a body that feels hunger? Having to blink every four seconds? What was it about the human body that made you become one of them, huh?”

“I’M NOT A HUMAN”.

“Maybe it wasn’t the body then. Maybe it was… your head”.

Something inside my head was repeating words to me. “Kill him. Kill him now”. But I couldn’t kill him. It was physically impossible for me to kill Bill Cipher right then. He still had powers. He was still the strongest being in the universe. And I, William Cipher, couldn’t do anything but stare at him with my head almost catching on fire, a mouth that wouldn’t stop trembling, and fingers pressed against one another. No matter how much I had been denying it, what I was doing there was feeling anger, feeling their anger.

I was being a human.

For all that Bill was, he was still a smart being, and he was still a Cipher. There was nothing I could do. I was weak to this world and I was weak to this race. I could never go back to what I had once been, because I was, right then, a completely made human being. The thoughts I had, and the way I wanted to kill my brother, it was the most convincing piece of humanity the Earth had on that day. It wasn’t just the blood coming out of the wound around my neck, it was the look in my eyes as I stared at the one person who had betrayed me, the one I sadly hated in the weakest way.

Bill was right. I wasn’t one of his anymore.

“F-Fuck… you…”

“Can’t even speak”. He wouldn’t understand. He would never understand how much bad trying to say words did to my stomach. He would never understand how much my head burned. “William, I’m starting to get worried for you. Want me to call Kill?”

I ran towards him with no warning, and pushed him back so far that he bumped against a tree. His human body seemed to have hurt, and so he smiled wider, liking the pain.

That made me want to hurt him more, and so I did. I walked to where he was and punched his face with my right hand. Blood started coming out of his nose.

“Wow, this is new!”

“What would you do to me? If you got your hands on the rift?”

“Oh, you finally say her name!” he joked. “I don’t know… What would you like me to do to you?”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, of course I am. Do you think I’m evil?”

I stared at him.

“You don’t have to respond, but you have to remember that you’re. Evil. Too. An evil human, but still”.

“I’m not,” I breathed in, deciding to give up. “I don’t care. And I don’t care what you do, considering you let me stay”.

“You want to stay here? Pff. Okay. Is that your only request?”

“And just ‘cause you tend to manipulate deals… I want to stay here… alive”.

“Sure. Why not? I said I wasn’t gonna kill you”.

“And you meant that?” He nodded. “Bill. I only have one question. It’s a question I’ve had on the back of my mind since ever. And I never got my answer. And I never thought I would”.

He waited.

“And what is it?”

“Did you lock me up because you were scared?”

All he did was glare at me, stand there close to the tree I had pushed him towards, opening and closing his mouth for a few seconds.

“What?”

“Scared about how much better than you I was. Were your powers threatened by mine? Were you just terrified that I’d take over everything and conquer reality all by myself, just like you tried to do?”

He didn’t respond.

“Congrats on failing, brother. You know you’re not better than me. And you’ve always known this. That’s why you locked me up, and that’s why you locked Kill up”. I didn’t even know what I was saying. But I just knew I was being as truthful as I could be. “Stop messing with my life, Bill. It’s over. You couldn’t even go against your enemies in your dimension. It’s my turn to do anything I want with this one. Okay? And yeah, I might be drifting away from our ‘objectives’, but I think you did that first. Didn’t ya?”

Bill didn’t respond. And he also, for once, didn’t smile. He just stood there with his neutral expression on his face, back definitely hurting from having fallen against a tree. He was speechless. I knew he wanted to say something, but was formulating sentences in his mind first.

“I…”

It was his time to fail with words. I tried to hold myself back from tearing up. My body was irritating.

“I see you’re finally manning up”.

I nodded, not agreeing with him.

“I also see your connection with your twins is far different than mine. So I won’t get into that. I’ll let you take care of them yourself”.

“Thank you”. Yes. He would never comprehend what me and the twins had. But he didn’t have to. Bill had much more. He had been banned from a dimension, sure. But with the rift, he would have places to go. His demon body would allow him to keep being what he was, while I, now that I didn’t have to hide away in a hidden universe, would have to stay there forever anyway. Accepting my destiny as a mortal being, only allowed to hate and love the way humans did it. And one day, my body would die. And who knows what would happen after that?

But all I could say was that. “Thank you”.

“Of course I’ll let you stay here. I have nothing more to do to you. All I wanted was to trap you, and you got free, but trapped yourself again. It’s sad, really, it’s also weird. But it’s ironic too, you know? You think you won when… all I wanted to do was keep you stuck somewhere, forever. And look where we are now”.

I couldn’t control my fingers once again. The relief I had gotten from pushing him was leaving my body. My head began remembering the moments I spent trapped and left alone, fueling my need to kill that man. I couldn’t hold myself back and used my hands to push him to the floor, in a way that hurt us both. “Oh!” he said as I pushed him towards the ground by his shoulders. “Will?”

“I’m going to kill you!”

“No, you’re not. You can’t do that. I’m stronger than you. Well, William, there’s nothing more I can say to you. That’s it. I’m leaving and you’re staying, I don’t know what the problem is. You can stop trying to push me down even more now, I won’t go past the floor”.

That wasn’t what I was trying to do. With my mouth pressed shut and my eyes twitching, I used more force in my right hand, moving his left shoulder with almost all the strength I had. I could see in his eyes how strong the pain was, but he still seemed to enjoy it. “YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCKING PROBLEM IS?” He was definitely calmer than me. He smirked, still, that annoying fucking smirk that I wanted to rip off his annoying face. “YOU’RE GONNA LEAVE. BUT MY HEAD IS GONNA REMEMBER YOU. ALRIGHT? BECAUSE HUMAN MINDS ARE STUPID AND WEAK. AND THERE’S NOTHING I’LL EVER BE ABLE TO DO. TO GET YOU OFF MINE”.

And he finally decided to react, taking his right hand towards my left arm. “William…”

But I didn’t let him finish. I used the last bit of force I had to pull out his whole arm from his body. Bill closed his eyes and screamed, curving his head back.

“William!” That was not enough for betraying me, and for leaving me to become a weak being. That was not enough for how much I hated him for existing, and for doing everything that he did. That was not enough for anything, but it still was something. I threw his human arm towards the trees and stood up, leaving him writhing in pain.

“And don’t you try to complain,” I said. “Blood and chaos is our nature”.

And then he moved, trying to sit up. He still had his head towards the sky so I couldn’t see his face, but once he leaned forward, I saw it right there. That smile. Bill began laughing, while pressing his remaining hand against the pit where his arm used to be. He laughed and tried to stare at me, although his eyes kept rolling back from the pain. I stood in front of him and didn’t move because he didn’t deserve for me to move.

He didn’t even deserve being in that dimension. But it had been so long without powers, I wouldn’t know how to do anything to him. And no matter how much I tried to deny it,

I was fucking terrified of him.

“I…” Bill tried to speak. His human speech, so fragile and moved by pain. “I see… you’re… ah…”

I kept looking at him, memorizing that scene so I could always remember it. It was almost perfect but he had to be smiling that smile I hated so much…

“You’ve gone… too far on the ‘chaos’ part, brother…”

I didn’t understand how he was capable of speech still, but I turned around and walked away, knowing he’d come after me once he learned how to stop the horrible pain.

Chapter Text

Dipper Gleeful

Without warning, Mabel came into my room. “WHERE IS BILL?”

How would I fucking know?, I thought. Mabel wore a black outfit and looked way better than I had seen her look during that week. But it didn’t really matter, because I kept thinking about how Pacifica looked, about how she had seen me and how we were never going to see each other again. Mabel didn’t matter, and Bill especially didn’t matter. All I wanted was to be able to go back in time, changing everything for once. 

I also didn’t care about Will. But when Mabel screamed at my face, asking where her demon was, I remembered. 

I hadn’t seen that man in a while.

“How would I fucking know?” I replied just as I thought. She rolled her eyes but kept walking towards me, and I couldn’t tell if she was angry or horrified. There was something different in the way her hands twitched, and I realized that when she held mine and pulled me out of my room. “Are you out of your mind?”

“I don’t have time for your stubbornness, okay?” she began, walking me down the stairs next to my bedroom. “I know Stanford did something to you and whatever, I don’t care. I just want to know what you did to my fucking demon, the only one who ever agreed to help me. Alright?”

Her voice sounded both angry and horrified, so I decided to believe it was a mix of emotions she was feeling. “Mabel! What the hell happened?”

“I don’t know, and that’s the problem”. And when we arrived on the first floor, she pointed towards the door. “There. Look”.

My feet walked and at a reasonable distance I could see the small piece of paper glued to our door. It showed a note in black handwriting, and I adjusted my eyes so I could read it.

I DON’T KNOW IF I’LL RETURN.

BUT YOU HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH.

I looked back at Mabel, who had tears in her eyes. “Mabel?” I didn’t want to help her, I didn’t want anyone to be crying close to me, but she began weeping.

“Mabel?! What’s wrong?” But I didn’t have time to get my answer. Without any warning the front door was opened, and there was William, finally. “Will?!”

He didn’t say anything to me. “Bill is not trustworthy, Madam,” he turned to Mabel, face cold. “You shouldn’t have made the deal”.

“But I did it, okay?” she blurted out back. “I did it and now I need him and he’s nowhere to be found and…”

And she suddenly didn’t seem sad anymore. All she was feeling seemed to have just become… anger. And maybe even hatred. I was good at understanding Mabel’s facial expressions, and that one was one of a lot of anger.

She stared at Will. “What did you do to him?”

“I didn’t do anything I couldn’t do, Madam,” he responded, not scared. “He’s alive. And he’s coming back. And he won’t leave us until he gets what he wants”.

“And what is it that h-”

“Stop talking, Master. He’s coming. And I believe you two won’t need me around”. Will turned to Mabel, walking closer to her and drying one tear away with his fingers. Mabel sniffed, still angry. “I have to go”.

“Go where, you stupid demon…” but he didn’t even let her finish. Will walked towards another room and I knew right where he would go. 

Mabel leaned her head down, starting to cry on top of her hands. All I did to help was hope she would stop making those noises, and I stared at the open door to our mansion, where there seemed to be something, right in the distance.

What was it? My eyes couldn't see that far. It soon looked like a body. A body that was floating somehow. It was… It couldn’t be. Could he fly?

After five seconds I could see it was Bill Cipher himself. He was slowly levitating towards me and Mabel, holding something, or someone in his arms. I could see the person and…

No.

I ran out of my mansion, and heard him laugh. I hated that laugh more than anything right then. I wanted that not to be happening, and when I arrived at the scene, I saw someone else was in there.

With Pacifica.

It was Gideon Pines. Gideon had tears in his eyes, and he was being held up by Bill… no, he wasn’t even holding them. It was magic, he was levitating them. 

“Yo, Dipper”.

I looked Bill right in the eyes, not understanding what was going on. He was… armless. I knew there was something wrong with him from afar but now I could see. All the disgusting veins peeking out, dangling from his missing arm. Still, he didn’t seem affected by it. His expression looked the same as always, despite the neverending blood. I could barely take a look at my two friends.

He was hypnotizing.

“Guess you never thought it’d end like this, huh?”

“End? What are you…”

“Bill? Where were you?” Mabel was so loud. And she had to be, because he was flying higher, and higher… 

“Did you not get my note?” His voice also seemed normal. “I’m insane, Shooting Star. There is nothing you can do?”

“What the hell do you mean?” was all I could seem to ask. I just kept trying not to stare at them, not to stare at… her.

But I couldn’t. Her blue eyes were looking right at me. Her hair was falling perfectly over her shoulders and I could almost feel my heart breaking over the sad expression she had. Of course she was desperate, I couldn’t protect her anymore, and there was something I realized, I don’t know if from reading her mind or from seeing the future.

But I looked her in the eyes, thinking about what I had just seen.

“Bill… Who did this to you?”

“Who do you think?”

She turned to me. I shook my head. 

“It was Will, right?” and her angry expression came back. Mabel used her hands to push me by my shoulders, while Gideon and Pacifica both yelled.

“Why do you always do this?”

“What the fuck did I do? It was Will, didn’t you hear? Not me!”

“And who’s Will’s ‘Master’, huh? Huh? Dipper, I can’t believe you!”

“Oh, the twins are gonna fight now…” Bill interrupted. We both looked up to where he was flying, as he leaned down and moved the kids around. “All you told me was true, Mabel. He really is better than you”.

I turned back to my sister, who went back to crying. She didn’t seem desperate this time, just tired. “What is he talking about?”

“I wanted to be better than you, Dipper. At something. Anything,” she began. “Mom loves you, but she never liked me. I didn’t inherit anything, I don’t have powers like you and I’m not as lucky as you and… fuck, Dipper. I think you should have the Tent of Telepathy show just to yourself”.

My brain exploded. I was so shocked at what she was saying I even forgot about Pacifica’s screams. “Mabel?”

“I asked Bill to do something. And I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop it”.

“Mabel?!”

I turned back to Bill, finally reading his mind. Finally.

No.

“BILL. DON’T. PLEASE”.

“He’s begging, Mabel! Isn’t that what you wanted him to do?” he laughed, coming closer down. “It’s all going according to plan, Mabel…”

“No…” Mabel was whispering while crying. That couldn’t be.

“BILL. PLEASE. I BEG OF YOU”. And that is not what I should be saying. So I finally blurted out: “DON’T HURT THEM”.

Gideon looked at me, and maybe he couldn’t believe that was happening. I couldn’t look at Pacifica anymore, and I wouldn’t dare to try. All I could do was look at Gideon once, and then back at the demon who was holding them in a really tight blue light. 

“I’m not gonna hurt them, idiot. I’m just gonna hurt one of them”.

And he smiled. He smiled so wide that I believed that wasn’t possible for his human body. But it seemed to fit his face so well. Gideon and Pacifica screamed, saying words I didn’t understand, and they were definitely in pain from Bill’s magic.

There was nothing I could do. There was nothing I could do.

“What? Can’t say a word?” he kept saying. “Thought this scene would be more entertaining, Mabel. A sister betraying her brother, what’s more fun than that?”

“Mabel? What did you do?” I couldn’t understand my own words. Pacifica needed help, she was in danger.

“Dipper. I just told you. What did you want from me? I couldn’t just snap my fingers and be okay with you being so much better than me”.

That sounded like a dream, hearing that come from Mabel’s mouth. But the context was not good. I didn’t want that to be happening. I felt my heart break, and for once it wasn’t because I was losing. It was because people I cared about were on the brink of death.

My love for Pacifica was making it impossible for me to breathe in and out. All I could do with my lungs was hyperventilate and try to come up with a good plan. And so I tried it.

I ran towards Bill and tried to punch him in the face. But he pulled me away with some kind of force, making Pacifica scream. “Dipper!” 

“Trying to be the hero now?” I hit my back against the grass, reading in his mind what he thought of me. “You tried being a villain for so long. You held things back for so many years, and for what? To try being the man of the hour in the end?”

I could feel tears in my eyes, threatening to fall down. I felt like Will. I felt like that was his true revenge. Using someone to bring me down. He had no relation to that, sure, that was his powerful brother I was against. But for once, I wanted to apologize to Will. I wanted to tell him I was sorry for hitting him with so much force. Maybe I was too harsh whenever I told him he looked better with blood on his teeth, because at that moment I felt it running down my nose. I looked Bill in the eye and he was looking exclusively at me. I felt that was how William always felt, whenever I pinned him on the ground with my foot, standing on him trying to make sure he never ever disobeys me again.

At that moment, I was Bill’s prey. And there was nothing I could do. About anything.

Nothing I could do about Mabel, nothing I could do about Pacifica, nothing I could do about my bleeding nose.

And nothing I could do about myself.

Mabel ran towards me, as Bill went back to speaking. “So what is it? Villain or hero?” he asked. “Tough choice, huh. Villain, your friends die. Hero, you die. Those are the stakes if you haven’t noticed yet. What’re you gonna do, kid?”

“Dipper. I’m sorry. I never told him to do this”.

“Stop! Don’t touch me,” I yelled. “Mabel. It was just like Will said. You were never meant to make that deal. Never!”

“Dipper…”

“Ugh, you two are so slow”. And Bill dropped both Gideon and Pacifica. “Pacifica!” I yelled, and he quickly made them levitate again, right when they were close to the ground. Bill stared at me, raising his eyebrow. “Pacifica, eh?”

And so I didn’t have to read his fucking mind to know what his fucking plan was.

He brought Gideon down and when he was close to the ground, he dropped him.

“No!” Gideon began. Now he wasn’t in a tight space anymore he seemed to be able to speak. “Let go of her! Let go!”

“Okay!” said Bill, dropping Pacifica and bringing her up again, making Gideon and I scream again. “Hahahaha, it’s hilarious! Your weakness was so close to my face! Mabel! You didn’t tell me he was in love!”

Mabel turned her head to stare at me, but I wasn’t looking anywhere else. All I could look at was Pacifica, even if it hurt. Her eyes were full of tears, and they were wide, she was terrified. It broke my heart to see her like that, and I just wanted to have some power, at least a little power, just so I could help her down. I wanted to hold her and say she’s going to be okay, to kiss her on the cheek and say “I love you” again. I wanted her to look at me again, to read her mind saying the softest things about myself. There was nothing I wanted more, and I could promise that, than to love and allow myself to be loved by her. Shit, what had I become? And why was it that right then, I couldn’t have her? Why were those things happening and… what was I going to do?

“Please,” I cried out. “Let go of her”.

“Weaknesses are so hard to find. But okay, kid”.

And then he let go of her. Pacifica started falling from far far up, as I watched with my eyes wide. Gideon opened his mouth and tried running towards where she would fall, although he could barely walk.

Pacifica fell with her waist near Gideon’s arm but her head hitting the floor, and she stopped screaming almost instantly. She was either dead or passed out and there was nothing we could do. Gideon finally let go, yelling her name louder and louder as Bill just laughed in the background.

It was over. If she was dead, then it was over. Mabel brought her head down again, crying silently. I stood where I was, bruises across my body, not doing anything more than staring at Bill in silence. He loved my pain, of course he did. Who didn’t like causing a bit of pain? It was with his flight back to the ground and him touching what was left of his arm as if it hurt that made me want to give up and kill myself right there. It was fucking over.

“Pacifica…” was the last thing I heard Gideon say. He was so dramatic and stupid, what he should have been whispering was “Bill…” But I was far too stuck to the ground to be able to do anything about that scene. I simply stayed, resting on my knees, watching the kid hold his unconscious friend in his arms. Gideon lay his head on Pacifica's chest, checking for a heartbeat, and I didn't want to hear what was about to come next.

Chapter Text

Gideon Pines

The car parked next to the tree. Melody walked out first, grabbing her purse and her phone, and then I was able to open the door to my side.

I felt the fresh air breathe onto my face, and then I remembered the shit that was going on. My brain went stale, waiting for someone to carry me because I could not walk. Melody went around the car and looked at me with worry in her eyes, walking near the door I had just opened. It was almost closing again.

She held the handle and pulled the door. “Gideon?” she said. “Are you okay?”

No. The answer was easy this time. I was not, in the slightest, okay. I wasn’t in any way okay, I actually was the complete opposite of okay, whatever it might be.

She seemed to realize it, so she didn’t need my answer. I just stared at the front window, waiting for all of that to be a dream.

I wanted to wake up somewhere else. I didn’t care if it’d be at home. I didn’t care if it’d be on Mabel’s chair, with her sitting on my lap and telling me to breathe slowly. I didn’t even care if it’d be after passing out from my dad beating me up. I just wanted to wake up anywhere, at any time, any time where that wasn’t happening. Any universe, any place, in which Pacifica was awake and well.

I just wanted her to be okay. My head had that constant thought of “please, I just want her to wake up, she needs to wake up”.

And she needed to wake up before I went insane.

“I-I’m okay,” I somehow said. “Are you sure? Do you want me to do anything? You want… me to carry you or something?”

I considered it. But when I did, my legs trembled.

“Just… Just help me up, please”.

Melody reached for me and I leaned onto her shoulders, letting my weight fall on her without even wishing to.

“Sorry”.

“It’s okay,” she whispered.

She started walking me to the front of the shack as my leg tried to walk. “Wendy, come here!” and Wendy showed up, helping me walk together with my aunt. “How is she?”

That’s a good question, Wendy, my head said sarcastically. “How is she?”

I didn’t know. And that was the problem. No one knew. All we knew is she wasn’t awake, was that good enough?

“No,” I tried to say. But my throat wouldn’t work. The effort I was doing to walk was too much for me to be able to speak. But Melody began. “She’s… in a bad condition,” she said in a low volume, as if I wouldn’t be able to hear from literally next to her. “The doctors are not sure when she’s waking up”.

That was only partly true. They actually said they were not even sure if she’d wake up. At least they had called Pacifica’s parents themselves, so I didn’t have to face their broken voices. All I knew was I needed to sit down somewhere. 

Then I saw her face. She was there. Of course she was.

She was wearing the same outfit she wore when it happened, except she had no shoes on this time, they were resting next to her feet. Her brown hair fell on her shoulders and I could not appreciate how beautiful it was anymore. I couldn’t even stare at her, look at her face the slightest, without remembering the scene. It had actually been playing in my head for a while now, her body being thrown to the ground with force, the bruises around her shoulders, and that one cut I found during the car trip, as I was holding her and crying heavily.

I couldn’t believe it. The worst had happened. That was the worst imaginable scenario.

And I couldn’t look her in the face. Mabel, Mabel Gleeful, the one who had caused all of that, together with her undying brother. I just knew about them, I was so sure. And I was right. All the thoughts I had when I met them, all the thoughts I had when Dipper first talked to me, they ended up all being true. And I knew they could hurt her, I just knew it, I was so right.

And yet. I couldn’t stop blaming myself as usual. So weak. Couldn’t even protect my best friend.

She stood up, because she was sitting down next to the entrance to the Mystery Shack. I couldn’t even care about how ironic it was that a girl like her was just sitting on the ground, I didn’t care about anything except Pacifica anymore. And there weren’t any looks she could give me, or any words she could say, that would make me care.

But she began, saying from far away: “how is she?”

Again, I wanted to shut someone up. How do you fucking think she is?, my head asked her. But I couldn’t even gather enough energy to roll my eyes. I just let Melody answer.

“We don’t know yet,” she said, her sweet voice. “Only time will tell”.

And that killed me. It was the truth.

Only time could tell.

“I-” Mabel continued. God, I just wanted her to leave. If there was someone I wanted to see at that moment, it definitely wasn’t her. “I hope she’ll be okay”.

“The tree must’ve been pretty tall,” Wendy completed. Mabel nodded, I could see her nod at the continuation of our lie. A tree, sure. It was sad to think they were completely unaware of all the shit that happened in that town. All the magic, all the monsters, and all the demons.

“It was,” Mabel replied. She didn’t need to. “Can I… talk to you for a moment, little Gideon?”

“Don’t call me that”.

“What?”

“Don’t call me little Gideon”.

I could feel Melody turning her head to face me, but I didn’t care. I fucking hated that nickname. I actually hated whatever Mabel did towards me. And maybe I hated everything she did, everything she had ever done. I was glad Dipper wasn’t there, because it was one hundred percent his fault too. I just stared at her in the eyes while she swallowed her own saliva and nodded. “Okay. Sorry”.

That was probably the first time I ever stood up to Mabel. But I did it because nothing really mattered anymore. What was I without Pacifica after all?

I wasn’t much without her. She was what balanced me. She was what made me see some good in the world. Everything I liked existed within her, and now that she wasn’t there, her absence was even bigger than her presence.

Pacifica was amazing. And it sucked that I was thinking about her in the past tense, but all I could do was wait to see if she ever would wake up again.

“I-” Mabel began, once again. Why couldn’t she just leave? “Can we talk? Alone?”

“About what?” I replied. “About why Dipper isn’t here? About why you two were the reason she fell from that fucking tree?”

“Gideon…”

“Sorry, aunt Melody. I’m mad”.

But I couldn’t act in front of her. And I couldn’t do anything to Mabel, even if I tried. My legs barely worked and my arms were much weaker than hers. I was practically hopeless in that situation, just a fragile boy who had lost the one person he cared about. It was like I had been put into the movie with the most heartbreaking plot to ever exist.

And if she never woke up…

Shit. I couldn’t even think about that. Even my head rejected that thought.

“We can talk,” I decided to give in. Melody stared at me as if she asked “are you sure?”, and even Mabel seemed surprised that I had said yes to her. She looked at Melody (God, she was beautiful) and smiled a polite smirk, one she was probably forcing. Wendy was completely silent holding my arm so I wouldn’t fall, so I let her know she could let go. “You sure?” I nodded. “You two can go inside. I can walk”.

They waited a while to see if that was true, and let me stand on my own. It felt strange suddenly having my weight on top of my knees, but I couldn’t let go. I would’ve rather sit on the ground for the rest of the evening than fall on Mabel, making her hold me instead. That was exactly what I didn’t want.

So there we were. I, doing my best to stand on my healthy legs, and Mabel in front of me, just waiting. Maybe she wanted to see if I would say anything first, but I had no words for her. She didn’t deserve hearing anything, to be completely honest.

I just wanted her to say whatever she wanted to say and then leave. I couldn’t even cry, so that wasn’t my plan. But I did want to lay down in bed and think about her all night, think about the rest of my life without her, and everything else I had learned. There was nothing healthy I could do with the stakes I had.

It was hopeless.

“Gideon. I just wanna say I’m so sorry. For everything, really. Everything”. What else did I think she was going to say? It was obvious, too obvious. But she didn’t have to apologize for anything.

“Just. Stop. Apologies are not bringing her back. Okay? There’s nothing you can do. Nothing we can do”.

“But. There were things I could’ve done. I could’ve not told Bill I wanted to win against Dipper. I could’ve not told him all that”. Bill. That name was still swinging around my head. “I could’ve protected Pacifica, instead of hating her in silence like a bitch. She was always so nice to me, Gideon…”

“No. Stop saying ‘was’, please. She’s alive. It’s just a coma”.

“I’m sorry. You’re right,” and she nodded, holding her hair in hands. “I’m just… I was so worried”.

“Just go, Mabel. There’s nothing you can do to help me. Nothing”.

“I-... I still love you, Gideon”. 

And of course I knew that. Although I didn’t understand why, I knew that Mabel Gleeful loved me, even if in her own twisted way. I knew she liked me in a way I had never liked anyone before. And if that had been a normal summer, if they were normal people, then maybe something could’ve happened between the two of us. Because she loved me, for sure.

I still remembered, from the time she told me to breathe deeply, how much she said she loved me. It never sounded like a lie, even if it did sound far-fetched.

A woman like her. Liking someone like me… Of course she had to be crazy, it was too perfect to be true.

“And I… just want to make things a little better. Please”.

“You can’t. There’s nothing you can do. Where’s your brother? Why didn’t he come?”

“He… I don’t know. He doesn’t like people, I think. I don’t know anything about my brother, okay? He just…”

“He likes Pacifica,” I interrupted. “Or at least he seemed to”.

“I don’t think he actually did”.

It hurt, hearing that. I wasn’t even Pacifica but, it hurt my heart to hear that from Mabel Gleeful. I wasn’t relieved, I wasn’t happy. I was, in every meaning of the word, heartbroken.

“Okay. Yeah”.

“Yeah. I’m so sorry…”

“I’ve told you: please stop. Being sorry won’t bring her back”. She nodded. “We need to wait now. And see if she wakes up”.

“I’m sure she will,” she lied. “Please let me know if I can help with anything. Do you guys need any money? I can give you any amount. Just let me know”.

“That’s not… a bad idea,” I considered. “Since, you know…”

“What?”

“Since she’s pregnant with his baby”.

Mabel stared at me with wide eyes, like she didn’t know. Maybe she didn’t, and maybe she did. I didn’t care. I had found out about it in the hospital, and had no idea if Pacifica even knew. If she did, would she have told me? I didn’t know, and I didn’t want to think about it. The fact she was pregnant at sixteen was already too much for me to care about, especially since it was Dipper’s. But Mabel really looked like she didn’t know. So I considered maybe not even Pacifica and Dipper did.

“She… What?”

“I found out today too, yeah”. She looked shocked. “Do you think Dipper knows?”

“No idea, I… He does read minds so… maybe?”

“I don’t think Pacifica knew”.

“So… Oh my God”.

I could see she was thinking of serious things, as we all were. I just really wished she was a nice person right then. I wished everyone was nice right then, so that that moment wouldn’t be as terrible as it looked. I decided to look down, nodding. I wanted to end that conversation.

“Please process it yourself. I have to go”. She nodded once again, surprised by the way I had been acting. “If she doesn’t wake up please don’t come to the funeral”.

“We won’t,” she agreed. “And about the money…”

“I’ll talk to her parents about it,” I lied. “Now go. Please. Bye, Mabel”.

“Bye, little Gideon…”

And then she left. I felt one tear roll down my cheek but maybe it was just my imagination. I turned around, finally entering the shack.

It felt empty without her, everything did. I just wanted to lay down, sleep for a while, and wake up thinking it was all a nightmare. I also wanted to post online about how much I loved her but I didn’t even use social media a lot.

Wendy stared at me as I entered the house, eyebrows furrowed.

“Was it… Mabel?”

“She and Dipper. I don’t want to talk about it”.

“Do you…” she thought. “Want me to tell anyone?”

“No. Please don’t. It’s just… It wasn’t their fault completely”.

I didn’t understand if that was a lie or not. I just continued walking, getting to the second floor, and close to the stairs that led to my room in the attic. 

Our room.

I tried to ignore Chuckles when I saw her as I was going up. She made a noise that I swear sounded like a question. She could be asking me: “where’s mom?”

Melody was inside the room. She looked at me and raised her hand, showing she was holding a phone. She smirked as if she pitied me, which was probably true.

She was sitting on Pacifica’s bed, but I’m sure she didn’t know which one was which. It was an unfortunate accident.

“Was talking to your uncle. He’s coming, okay?”

I didn’t need my uncle coming out of pity, but I said okay. Melody didn’t deserve any more angst, if I was honest. I just nodded and said “okay”.

“Mel. Thanks for making her happy”.

“Hey,” she said. “No one made her happier than you did”.

That was true. Not even Dipper had. And that I could pride myself for.

Chapter Text

Dipper Gleeful

Mabel arrived pretty late and I was in my room, so we couldn’t talk. Stanford was outside, banging on my door as I lay down in bed.

I couldn’t open it for him. I just couldn’t.

My legs barely moved, and I didn’t really want them to. My arms went around my body and my heart weighed more than it usually did. Fuck. Fucking hell. I had fucked it up really bad this time. It was over forever. The only hope I had was gone.

I didn’t know what to do. I knew absolutely nothing about what was going on, just making the heat of my bed comfort me in a way I couldn’t be comforted.

What the fuck had I done?

“You can try hiding from me. It’s going to be worse when I get my hands on you!”

His voice was so fucking loud… I could deal with it on other days, I could deal with it with William by my side. I could deal with it while Pacifica was alive, but not anymore. I didn’t want to kill him anymore. I just wanted him to leave me alone. It was like a button was pressed inside of me, a button that changed who I was completely. I didn’t have her anymore, and suddenly, nothing made sense.

I just wanted to sleep. And so I did.

I woke up the next morning and read the big “four” on my phone. It was too early for Mabel to be awake, and I wanted to have slept more. 

I left the room, walking with the same outfit I wore on the day before. My head wasn’t screaming much, it seemed pretty quiet.

Maybe it had just given up.

My fingers were twitching. I missed having them running through her hair. The house was slightly cold and weird and all the windows showed the dark sky.

I decided to go outside, staring at the stars for a while. I took another look at my phone and saw ten messages from Mabel. I couldn’t read them. I couldn’t know the fucking truth.

My arms trembled as I sat down on the grass outside. Who cared about the cold or the image of a person on the ground? Looking up to the stars I thought about her, imagining her standing right there, staring at the stars and talking about them to me. 

And as it all went through my mind, I just repeated in my heart: why’d I have to ruin her life?

I lay down with my eyes closed for a while, and maybe I even slept. I couldn’t be sure, I hadn’t brushed my teeth yet. When I opened my eyes, the sun was rising and there was a shadow on top of me. It was Mabel. She was wearing her pajamas and flip-flops.

Her hair looked nice. It was like she hadn’t slept yet. I didn’t want to ask.

I was scared. Scared of saying anything. Scared of hearing her say words. Anything she could say would move me, would change my life in an unavoidable way. It was terrifying. It was like walking around a minefield. I could be dead in seconds.

I stared at her, waiting for her to say something, but wanting her to stay quiet. I suddenly knew what true horror felt like.

“She… She’s in a coma”.

I didn’t react, I only looked down, avoiding eye contact. If my head decided I would cry, then it would be terrible to let Mabel see. And would I cry of sadness? Or would I cry of happiness, glad that she didn’t die, glad that at least there was a slight chance that she would be okay?

I asked. “Do you know if she’ll be okay?”

Mabel breathed in. Maybe she didn’t know a lot. If I was Gideon Pines I wouldn’t have told her anything. I would’ve just left her with the thought of what she’d done, helpless to her own thoughts. If I was Gideon Pines I would hate us so much, and my hate for us would be stronger than any other feeling in existence. If I was him I would dedicate the rest of my life to destroy us, to kill us without mercy.

But Gideon Pines wasn’t like that. In fact, not many people were. Some people were good, and actually didn’t want to make others feel bad. Thinking about her, and thinking about what she made me feel every time she smiled, I finally understood.

Holy fuck, how much it hurt to finally understand.

“I don’t know. I heard Melody Ramirez say it’s bad”. That was like an arrow through my heart. “But Gideon said only time will tell”.

I wanted to read her mind, but I stopped myself. Because if she was lying, if Pacifica was already dead, then I didn’t want to know. I wanted her to keep that from me forever, so I could just happily wait for her to wake up, for her to open her eyes and greet me with an awaited kiss. I wanted more than anything to be blinded from reality, to make sure I knew absolutely nothing, so that I could be content.

But that seemed like the truth. I didn’t want to check but she seemed truthful.

“Where’s Stanford?”

“I don’t know… But he seemed pretty mad at you yesterday. When he was banging on your door”. I trembled at the memory. I just knew I would get beat up once he saw me. “But I’m not sure. He must be sleeping. It’s… six in the morning”.

“He wakes up pretty early to yell at me,” I said. “How about you? Slept well?”

Mabel sat down next to me, crossing her legs and resting her head on her hands.

“I didn’t sleep”.

“At all?”

“At all,” she said. “Stayed up all night thinking about him”.

I breathed in. Could I even judge her? I had almost done the same with Pacifica.

I laughed through my nose. She looked at me.

“What?”

“Who would've guessed, huh? The two Gleeful Twins… suffering from love”.

“So you love her?”

“Yeah,” I allowed myself to admit. “Possibly more than anything I’ve ever loved”.

“Even mother?”

Even mother? I wasn’t sure. Maybe not. Maybe I didn’t love Pacifica as much as I had loved the woman who raised me. But maybe I did. She made me hurt in ways mother had never made me hurt. She made me think of things mother had never made me think of before.

So yes. Maybe I did love her more than mother.

“You don’t have to answer,” she continued.

But inside my head, I still answered. God damn it, I loved Pacifica Southeast so much. And for what? Just so she could leave and hurt me? It was so unfair. I had gotten so close to living just for her, I had gotten so close to stopping all my killings, all my bad shit. Pacifica did the impossible and that was changing the person I am. And what’s better is she didn’t even mean to do that. She just did it, just by loving me. My heart loved her enough to know what was right, to know I was wrong. And for that, I couldn’t thank her enough.

But I was a coward. I couldn’t see her, I couldn’t talk to anyone. I couldn’t face the reality of what I had done to her and for that I was such a fucking coward. Meant to hurt, is what I would say about myself.

“You know, mother would be proud of you,” but I could barely hear what Mabel was saying. There was static on my mind, loud noises that ended up quieting themselves as fast as everyone I loved left my life. “Loving”.

“She would?” I asked after processing what she had said. “Mother wasn’t a good person, was she?”

“Nope,” she giggled. “Really good mother to you, I’d say. I mean, I think? Definitely better than she was to me…”

“What did she do?”

“To you, not much… She was kind of insane. Probably because of the future vision thing… She always told me it got way worse as she got older”.

“Wow,” I was terrified of what my future held. I even considered that maybe it was good that Pacifica could not be present to see me go insane, if I ever got to that point. Maybe it was good that we weren’t going to have children together or anything normal human beings do. I was, after all, a monstrosity. I had a power no one but my mother had, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it from growing.

Maybe she was dying just so she could be free of me. Her soul didn’t deserve me after all, even if I changed.

“I barely remember mother”.

“Yeah, that’s because you think you killed her. Trauma and shiz…” I could hear Mabel breathe for maybe the first time during that moment. “I remember her clearly”.

“I remember she used to smoke. And also tell me she loved me. And she protected me that one time”.

“You’ll never forget that one time, will you?”

“No,” it was true. “It’s the reason I love her”.

Mabel chuckled. I still didn’t want to read her mind but I couldn’t control it very well. “I love him,” I hoped she was thinking. But she wasn’t. Her mind had a mix of thoughts that I couldn’t really make out, I just could see how much she regretted what she had done.

It was her fault after all. Most of it had been mine but… if she just hadn’t… If she hadn’t told Bill what she did…

I tried to ignore that. I wanted to change, I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Not even Stanford was making me mad anymore, I was just sad. Sad that she wasn’t around and sad that I really had become what I always feared I could become.

I was a fucking helpless loser. Absolutely broken, destroyed inside and with no hope out of life. I didn’t have the woman I loved, I didn’t have my demon, I had built my life on absolutely nothing. My mom had died, my father had left me, and all I had was a sister who couldn’t even think of a simple “I love you”. I wanted to cry. I wanted to break down in front of her, have her hold me even if it was out of obligation. I just wanted someone to tell me it would be okay, someone who could make my brain shut up.

But no one could. I was alone. And there wasn’t anything I could do.

“Bet she’d be proud of you too…”

“For what? For only being loved by older men, for killing people, and for being the fuck-up twin? I bet she would…”

“Come on, you’re not that,” I said. “You’re still young. There’s a lot you’ll learn, and you’ll change. What you do now doesn’t need to be set in stone for the rest of your life”.

I was saying that for her, but I was also saying it for myself. Mabel laughed through her nose again, turning to face me with a smirk.

“You really think so?”

“Yes. Definitely. Absolutely. I am certain, Mabel”.

She turned her face again and I could see the water forming in her eyes. I hadn’t seen Mabel cry many times in my life, and so I was surprised. But despite everything, I just wanted her to be okay.

“You’re growing backwards, huh…” she said, shaking her head no. “Getting more naive…”

“I’m not naive, I just… I want to change, Mabel”.

“You want to change?”

She looked at me again. I wasn’t sure how to respond because a simple “yes” was maybe too little. “I want to be a better person,” I could say. But no, that was stupid. Was it a better person I wanted to be? Or did I just want to be someone Pacifica deserved, someone who would be good to the woman I loved?

“You know, Dipper… When we were younger I really thought you’d grow up to be a really good guy… I did hate you, but all sisters do,” I smiled. “I was surprised when you killed someone, you were… thirteen? It was what started all of this”.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I remember”.

“You freaked out. I had never seen you cry that much, even when mother died”. That wasn’t a great memory for me. It was weird hearing about it after so many years.

“That was the day everything changed”.

“It really was”.

I looked at the sun again, watching it rise.

“Today is… Sunday?”

“It is”.

I thought about it.

“Can you do the show alone today?”

“What?”

“Please”.

“No way. The show is nothing without you, Dipper. You’re the best singer, you’re the powerful one. You’re the one who deserves the clapping, I’m simply an object in that show”.

“Mabel… I-”

“No, please. We can cancel the show. If Stanford has a problem with it then I’ll defend you”.

Would she really? I couldn’t be sure of anything anymore, really. I didn’t know what to say, I couldn’t do a show like that.

“Mabel, please. Do it without me. Once”.

“No. I won’t”.

“For our mom. For dad. For… Stanford”. She stayed silent. “Even for Will, and Bill”.

She turned to me. “For you?”

And then I held her hand.

“For us. Please”.

And I could feel that “please” changed everything within her. Mabel needed to do it, she had to.

I couldn’t do that anymore.

Chapter Text

Will Cipher

It was six-thirty in the evening and Bill was by my side. He simply stared at me as I played the piano, training, preparing for my queue, and using my human fingers to make that instrument sound.

“You know she’s gonna fuck it up, don’t you?” Bill said. It still felt so weird hearing his voice. I was once convinced I’d never hear it again, but there I was, right next to him. “She’s nothing without him, she doesn’t have any powers”.

“That is why we’re going to help her,” I responded, making sure once again that he understood what we were there to do.

Doing a concert without Mason, that was a big risk. But Madam Mabel did have one advantage, she had people loving her. If she made a mistake, there’s not many people that would care about it. She was safe. But I still felt scared for what would happen to me if I screwed anything up. So I made sure Bill understood: you are meant to make this show perfect.

“Ah, man… Being a butler is so boring. Don’t you get tired of it?” With every word he said I felt like he was about to kill me. Even without his left arm he frightened me so much. There seemed to be just so much anger inside him, even though he wouldn’t let it out. God help me, I would’ve asked, if I knew there was a God above us.

He continued wandering around, like he had been doing for the last ten minutes. I played the piano so I could distract myself, and then after a while Mabel showed up.

She was wearing a different outfit than usual. She had a cape just like Mason’s, except it was transparent, and her heels were black instead of blue. Of course she would make a big deal of her first show alone, she had probably been waiting for that for years. Bill’s face lit up when he saw her, looking her up and down without any shame.

Mabel smiled at us with her beautiful imperfect teeth. She knew she looked stunning.

“My boys…” she began, smiling at both of us like she never smiled at me before. Of course it was performative. “I hope everything’s perfect for tonight”.

Bill ran from where he was to greet her at the door, bowing and kissing her on the hand. I was starting to get used to their closeness but it still was disgusting. “My lady,” he said. “You look incredible”.

“I do, don’t I?” her smile grew even bigger. “Boys, I’m so happy! Tonight is gonna be so good!”

Happy after potentially killing a person. All she needed was a bit of starlight and attention, and everything was just gone. Her brother was in his room, probably crying and drowning in thoughts, and she was there, being herself… The undying beam of light. Not corrupted by her killings, not corrupted by the destruction of that sweet girl, the girl who had done nothing bad. From what I had understood about the situation, it was kinda my fault too.

“You know what I’ve always wanted? You to play this song, Will,” and she handed me a piece of paper. “Dipper never let me. But now I can”.

“Madam,” I grabbed the paper from her hands, reading the notes and playing the song in my head. “You do know he’s coming back, right?”

“Will, Will, Will…” Bill started chanting, walking towards me with that locked anger in his voice. “Can you not let Mabel have her moment?”

They moved together and acted as if everything was okay, mimicking a dance and smiling wide. I could hear Mabel laugh genuinely as if that man hadn’t done what he’d done. Bill did the kiss-on-hand thing one more time, and I just stared at the piano this time, focusing on the new music and on the bench. 

I didn’t have to care about them.

“You’re going to shine out there, shooting star,” my brother said, to which Mabel bowed, moving her beautiful legs in an adult way. “Make me proud”.

“I will, dear Bill… Thank you. For everything”. And they hugged.

That was maybe the breaking point for me, I stared at them as I thought of bad things. There was really no reason for them to act like that, no reason for gratitude or anything of the sorts. I nodded my head to the rhythm of the music, wondering how long it’d take me to say something to them.

“There’s no need to thank me, Madam…” There really wasn’t. “You did it all yourself”.

It didn’t take that long at all, I thought, as I continued playing the song and opened my darn mouth to complain to them.

“And what is it that she did, exactly?” I asked. They both turned to me, probably thinking about what to say back. It was painfully obvious that I was being sarcastic, and they knew that. I think that the fact I didn’t do any eye contact was even worse, because I just stayed there with the piano as they looked at me from far away. “What is it that she did?”

“What do you think, Will?” Bill was the first to say. “She shined her whole life, that’s what she did. It was obvious the show was gonna be hers one day. It was meant to be”.

I didn’t respond, and simply continued playing.

“Do you not agree she shines, brother?”

“I never said she didn’t,” I replied. “I just don’t get why the two of you are making such a big deal out of something so… random”.

God, what had he done to me? I had spent so much time with Mason, studying and analyzing him, that I was starting to talk just like him.

I was acting just like a teenager.

“What do you mean random?” Bill asked. “She has her show, finally”.

“For one day?” It was so infuriating. “Do you think Mason died or something? He’s back in the mansion, in his room, ready to come back next week. Or did I skip a chapter? Is he dead?”

“He’s not dead, brother… But he will be after he sees how much better the show is without him. Oh that he will”.

“Will he really?”

Mabel wasn’t saying anything, she was just staring at both of us. I could tell, from the side of my eye, that was still focused on the piano keys.

“I don’t get what that’s supposed to mean”.

“Weren’t all the other shows enough to show him she matters too? And did he ever stop thinking of himself as bigger than her? No. Will he ever stop? Probably not. You two need to learn a thing or two about patterns. Mason Gleeful can’t be stopped, his ego is too big to be wrecked by a simple solo show by Mabel”.

And then I finally put my head up, staring directly at her.

“And Madam, I don’t mean this in a bad way. At all”.

“It’s okay, Will”.

“Is it?” asked Bill. “Are you really going to let him doubt you like that?”

“I-” Mabel wasn’t sure of what to say. Bingo. I had gotten exactly what I wanted. “Bill, Will, please stop”.

“No, I don’t think I will,” I continued. “Don’t you see what he’s trying to do? He’s preying on your insecurities, making you betray the thing that you have always thought about betraying, only making you worse of a person. You really can’t see the things he’s doing, huh?”

“It’s dangerous to talk to your Madam like that, Will… You don’t want to get cuts all over your body…”

And so he confirmed even more what I already knew. She was telling him about her life, about everyone, and he was doing what he did best: he was manipulating her without fear. 

And of course he didn’t have to fear her. Bill Cipher wasn’t a human yet, he wasn’t one of us. He was still the all-knowing demon he had been born as and he had enough power to manipulate a fucking child. I just wanted to run back home, grab Mason and run away with him. I wanted to protect him from what he didn’t know awaited him, take him somewhere he would be able to grow older, safe and sound. I just had such a bad feeling about everything that was going on.

And it seemed like Bill knew all that. Because after staring at me for about five seconds, he said:

“Since when did you become a good guy?”

“He didn’t, he’s still evil,” Mabel tried to convince him. “He just… wants what’s best for me, that’s his job”.

“Does he?” What was he trying to do? It was still hard for me to know what Bill’s intentions were, even though I knew him better than anyone. “I think he’s trying to take my place. I’m the one who wants the best for you, he’s not your servant anymore”.

That was true, in a way. I was Mason’s, not hers. I suddenly understood what he was trying to achieve.

“He… You’re right but-”

“Wasn’t cutting my arm off enough?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s obvious you’re trying to go back to being her demon. You can’t stand that annoying, selfish, prick of a child. You need someone who’s more mature, someone who’s actually going to achieve something. You want broken that can’t be fixed, and not broken that’s going to be dead by twenty two”.

I couldn’t tell what Mabel was feeling at hearing those words about her brother. Did she even care about him anymore? It was so obvious that one day they were going to fall apart. But why like that? Why so young, now that things were changing?

After I didn’t respond, he continued: “yeah, that’s what I thought. Come on, Mabel, you’re on in ten minutes”.

The energy that was left in the room wasn’t ideal, Mabel was upset and Bill was angry. I didn’t know what I personally was feeling, I was just focusing on learning that song and getting that out of the way. I could almost hear Stanford yelling at me for acting the way I was, and I could almost feel Mason’s fists.

Despite what she was feeling, Mabel walked out of the room, getting her last details ready for her first solo performance. God, if that went badly, I wouldn’t know what to do to make her calm down. Thankfully she was now Bill’s problem, and if he wanted to keep her, he could.

I never even liked her much anyway.

“Hey,” he called to me, staring at the door Mabel had just walked out of, his back turned to me.

“What?”

“She’s gonna kill him. You know that, right?”

In a way, I did. I knew it was possible. But he was getting too ahead of himself.

“No. Mason has changed”.

“Has he?”

“Yeah”.

Bill didn’t have to believe me. When he turned to me, I finally stopped playing. That moment didn’t deserve background music.

“Do you think he’s gonna kill himself?”

“What? Don’t be fucking stupid”.

“No, I’m serious! You said it yourself, in your mind. You know Dipper is eventually gonna kill himself, that kid has goals he can never reach, and he’ll soon accept that. Why do you suddenly know nothing about the subject?”

“Stop,” if he continued much further I might have to commit murder. “He’s changing. The only big thing that’s gonna happen is him realizing he should love his sister, and not try to suppress her. That’s it”.

“Love? Fucking Hell…”

Bill stared at the ground.

“I knew you’d become one of them, but hell, brother, one of the good guys? Really?”

I breathed in and out, surprised at how my patience had dropped, how much less tolerable everything was when he was around me

“All I want you to do is… chill. Don’t make Mabel think she doesn’t need him”.

“But she doesn’t! You really don’t see it, do you, Will?”

Maybe I didn’t.

“If that girl dies, he’s over”.

I nodded without even wanting to.

“If he’s over, that’s it for you. That’s it for Stanford, and that’s it for most people”.

I couldn’t stand that anymore. All that talking.

“But that can’t be it for Mabel”.

“I disagree”.

“You always will”.

And before we could say anything else, there she was, back in the room with us. Her makeup was perfectly made and she had the microphone strapped around her, good to go. Bill did a “thumbs up” at her, and she smiled wide with raised eyebrows.

“It’s gonna be a good one, boys”.

“With you there, it’s gonna be the best one”.

She giggled, and then continued smiled. Mabel walked to where she had to stay behind the curtains, and looked at us worriedly.

“It’s gonna be okay, Madam”.

And that seemed to be all she needed to hear. There was nothing else I could help with, only saying it would be okay. She seemed to have something on her mind still, but for the most part, she was calm.

And then her show began. For the first time, it was her show.

Chapter Text

Dipper Gleeful

The cold weather on a Tuesday morning woke me up earlier than usual. I didn’t wish for the alarm to go off because for once I wasn’t focused on what time it was, I just needed to get up.

I got out of the bed, the right feet automatically glueing to the floor, walking around my room to grab my bottle of water. I chugged on it like the thirstiest motherfucker in the world, and then put it down.

Sometimes I wished that it wasn't water. I had never drunk alcohol, but if I had enough age to get some, maybe that would be a good distraction. Getting absolutely wasted, as father would describe it. Getting close to death from so much drinking.

I hammered that thought, walking down the big stairs of my house for the millionth time in my life, wondering what the day would bring this time. Screaming? No, that hadn’t been happening anymore. Music? No, my life had been pretty silent. The undying feeling of not being sure of what the future held?

That was a constant, happening every day in that repetitive life. Just testing me to see if I ever broke, if I ever gave up.

I walked close to the front door, with my pajamas as I had been doing for a while now. What was the point of getting dressed so early on, when only I could see myself, when nothing was even prone to happen? It didn’t matter. I saw the ashes and knew Mabel would be there, outside. I opened the door, feeling the strong wind on my arms.

I couldn’t tell why it was so cold on that day, even that early in the morning. Thankfully my legs were covered but the hair on it still stood up, waiting for me to tell it to calm down and go somewhere warmer. Mabel was sitting with her legs and arms out, only small shorts and a shirt she used to sleep, sitting on the ground and smoking, in and out, a large cigarette.

There was something very wrong about disrupting a lady smoking alone, but I had no time to hide before she noticed my presence and turned to me. She smirked, probably forcefully, and turned back to where she was looking, staring at the big trees.

I couldn’t understand what was wrong with her. The show had worked out so well, the boys had done a great job helping her. Nothing was wrong, and she was happy the day before. What was it that was happening now? What had I missed?

As I wondered all that, I sat next to her. The smell of cigarettes was never appealing to me, but I never despised it too much.

“Hey,” Mabel was the first to say, surprisingly. I smiled at her, obviously forcefully, but not angry to do so. I loved her. For once, I realized. I really loved her.

“You’re smoking. Just like mother”.

She didn’t react at first. All she did was stay there and stare. And after ten seconds, she chuckled, moving her shoulders with the action.

“I’m not like mother”.

“No, not at all,” I said. “She was blonde”.

“Dirty blonde, yeah,” she nodded. “She was really beautiful”.

“And so are you,” I moved my right hand so it would reach her face, carefully moving my finger there. She was beautiful, my dear sister. She was beautiful in every way.

She chuckled again. “You don’t mean that”.

“I do,” and I really did. I wasn’t lying at that time.

I hadn’t lied in a while, if I was going to count the times. Since Pacifica’s accident I had had maybe five conversations, and they had mostly been about food. I hadn’t been really active in the present world in a while, and so I had no reason to keep lying. I didn’t have any future plans, really, so I could just… speak. And listen.

But Mabel didn’t seem to want to speak. She seemed lonely, and not angry about not having anyone around her. It must have broken her heart to lose Gideon Pines, if she really loved him as much as I believed she did, she needed some time alone.

But after that concert, why wasn’t she feeling well already? There was nothing wrong, it was all beautiful again! She could do anything in the world, she had it all, why did it look like she had so little?

I moved my arm, taking my hand to hers, and holding it. She didn’t like the action, but held me back anyway.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Yeah,” I said. I breathed in, preparing because I didn’t know what she was going to say.

“I don’t think I can do it, you know?”

There was a lot she could mean. “Do what?” I asked. And for once, I really wanted to know.

“Do all of this. Without you”.

“You… don’t need to do it without me. Okay? I’ll be by your side,” I said, and she nodded with the same expression on her face. “Look. It’s obvious we need a lot of therapy”.

She giggled, finally letting go of her expression. “We do, don’t we?”

“Yes… But when we get better…”

“Wait. We?”

“Yeah,” I paused. “Me and you”.

“I’m not getting better, Dipper”.

“Yes, you are. I mean… you can. You can do it if you want”.

She didn’t respond. I could see in her mind that she really didn’t want to be having that conversation, and so I didn’t move it any further. I just knew she could do it. Because if I could change, then so could anyone in the world. And I had lately had that one piece of hope flying around my mind.

And that piece was Pacifica.

“Look. Let’s go out today. Do something cool, just the two of us,” I suggested. She nodded but I didn’t know if she was agreeing. “I’ll get ready, you can change that outfit from yesterday...”

“You could tell?”

“It’s really easy to tell, Mabel”. And she smiled. “Come on, get up, get up”.

With the help of my arms, Mabel finally got up. I couldn’t see her face but I could hear her sigh, like there was something else on her mind. I decided not to intervene.

“Alright, Dipper. I’m gonna get ready”.

“Good,” and there it was, everything was going to be okay.

I entered the house, waiting for nothing this time. It would be good if things were better. It would be good if Pacifica would just wake up. But at that moment maybe nothing mattered, because I had realized I loved my sister.

The plans for the day were made, and maybe I could even talk to Stanford and try to work something out in our relationship. He was out for the day but maybe we could work things out when he got back. Maybe everything, with just some steps that I had been scared to do, could be made better.

Maybe I actually could fix some things.

I went to my room and when I saw myself in the mirror, I noticed I had been smiling. Going to the closet to grab some new clothes was much easier than it had been the day before, and so was walking to the bathroom. When I arrived I started taking my clothes off, got into the bath, and started trying to relax.

After those days of not being able to sleep, I started dozing off. Everything came to my head: Mabel, Pacifica, Will… It was a lot that was happening, but not in a way I usually had to deal with. I was… after all… okay.

I had hope that Pacifica would wake up.

My eyes closed off. I wasn’t waiting for anything to happen as much as I was waiting for Mabel to get ready. I moved my hands, slowly dancing with them through the water, feeling the weak waves I made running with the liquid. 

It was a few moments later I heard a noise, and it was footsteps walking down the corridor. Maybe it was Mabel heading to her room, but I couldn’t pay attention. My body had become relaxed enough for me to finally lose my consciousness again, almost sleeping deeply and even dreaming. I only woke up when I felt the gentle fingers on my skin, not-so-gently pushing me under the water. My arms moved towards Mabel’s wrist and held it tight trying to push her away. But I was too shocked, way too scared to be able to do anything.

I opened my eyes in a hurry and could see her face from under the water, and she still looked beautiful. She was surprisingly strong when pushing me and my head could only think about drowning. During my last moments I didn’t think about Stanford, I didn’t think about Pacifica. I didn’t think about myself, or anything else. All of my energies were directed towards knowing I was going to die, knowing all my fears were coming true. All I could think about was the fact I was dying, and that was a scenario worse than I had ever imagined.

I had imagined death so many times, that I couldn’t believe it was actually happening. How? How so young? How in one of the ways I had imagined? And why? Why did I deserve all that?

I couldn’t even consider if I did or not, because all there was inside was acceptance and fear. And all there was outside was silence.

Her eyes were still blue and white, but really wet. I guess I had to be grateful she never did that before, grateful that she kept me alive. And after everything that had happened, maybe it made sense? I died in her hands and she let go of me, leaving the bathroom.

Before she went out, she spoke to herself in the mirror, grabbing her red lipstick and starting to put it on.

“She was pregnant, you know?” she whispered, speaking to my corpse to calm herself down. “And she really loved you. Maybe she even loved me”.

Mabel breathed in and out. Beautiful. Such a strong woman. And then she looked at me for the last time in her life.

“I hope you meet mom”.

The only Gleeful Twin left got out of the room, not once looking back, and left home for hours. No one really knows where she went, and no one was really going to be sure. William was the next one to see me, when he got up and out of his room, going out looking for us. We were too silent on that day.

He couldn’t find Mabel anywhere, and Stanford also wasn’t home. And the door to the bathroom was open, so there he went, finding me lying there, no bruises on my body but clearly dead. He didn’t gasp, he didn’t say anything. He simply sighed, getting closer and closer to me, and standing near the bathtub and touching my chest to check my heart.

I was gone. He knew it would eventually happen. But he trusted it wouldn’t be so early on.

“Well,” he began, still staring at the body in the water. “Seems like the deal is over”.

Will left my lifeless body, leaving forever, ready for his existence of complete emptiness.

Chapter Text

Gideon Pines

The week that followed was nothing but chaos. It was hard to believe I was at a funeral, the first one of my whole life. Gravity Falls was all black, all covered in messages saying how much they loved the dead star of the Tent of Telepathy, the poor Dipper Gleeful, who had killed himself under consequences obviously hidden from the public.

I couldn’t begin to grasp what had happened. I had no idea if he really had died that way, and why he would do something like that. Maybe he loved Pacifica. Maybe he loved her to that level. Maybe just like me, he thought things didn’t make sense without her. It was possible. But there had to be something else. There had to be something else in order to kill a man like that, a strong, and very terrifying, young man.

He was finally dead. Just like I had wanted him to be.

I didn’t know what to think, it was confusing. On one side I was glad, glad that he was finally gone. But Pacifica could be gone too so… nothing was worth it anymore. What good was having my enemy dead if the thing I had sworn to protect had already been taken away from me?

I was trying to see the good side, but there it was, the bad one. A person was dead. And he might have been a bad, a terrible person, but he was a person. He was someone I knew, someone I hated, but someone I knew. He was a young boy, a boy who never got the chance to be a man, and there he was, being buried on his eighteenth birthday.

I don’t know why I always imagined twins living together and dying together. I couldn’t stop thinking about Mabel being there, under the ground with her brother, but she wasn’t. I watched from far away by my aunt’s side, as Mabel stood next to the casket without taking a peek at it. No tears, no expression, only the probable grief that was happening inside. Her eyes moved to meet mine, and I didn’t look away. I wanted her to see something in my eyes, although I didn’t understand what. She was the first to astray the glance, staring at the other people who were walking near, waiting for the ceremony to begin. And she stood there, staring up, staring around, throughout the whole speech, and the whole duration of his funeral.

When he went down I could feel my chest tremble. If Pacifica woke up I would have to be the one to tell her what happened, and she would die inside. I couldn’t bear to take that responsibility, I couldn’t bear anything anymore. I looked for Mabel’s eyes again and this time I wanted her to see I was angry. I was stressed. I hadn’t been made for all of that, and I never wanted all of that to happen. All I was was a normal sixteen year old who wanted to travel with his best friend. I never wanted death, and I never wanted trauma, and I never wanted any of what I got. The clock was coming to beat ten A.M., so it was time to leave and stop thinking of that.

But how could I? When I walked near the car Mabel was standing right near it, waiting for me to get close. My aunt looked at me but I didn’t look back. She then entered the car, and I walked near Mabel, understanding what she wanted.

She needed to talk. After all of that, I accepted that Mabel deserved to talk.

Maybe I had to give in to some things. I was his victim, but she had lost someone. She had lost the closest person in her life.

“Hi”.

She was wearing clothes like she never had before. Her dress was dark blue instead of black, and her shoes were flat, which made her still taller than me, but much shorter.

Mabel had no makeup on whatsoever, except for her red lipstick.

“Hey, Gideon,” she replied. She still looked beautiful, not surprisingly. I thought about what could have happened to her if she wasn’t so fucked up. “How are you?”

I should be the one asking her, on a day like that. But speaking of the thing I said about twins being buried together, I could see in her eyes she was dying with him.

Gravity Falls. What a town.

“It doesn’t matter. Sorry. I just need your help with something”. Her words were short, and her voice sounded still. There was no way to know what she was feeling from hearing her speak, and nothing that I could do to help. All I did was continue nodding, hoping she wouldn’t end up just like Dipper.

“With what?” What could I possibly do? What could someone like me do? I was hopeless. We both were hopeless. We both were alone, living without our other half, going about life without meaning, without a reason to follow our goals. A trivial existence, if a description is needed. A continuation without any requests, and above all, a life not worth living.

Mabel and I were finally one with each other, and I didn’t hate her anymore for having done what she did on that day. For me, it was just making me breathe, simply making me breathe.

What happened on that day was far behind, and in my eyes she was just a kid. A kid who had lost her brother, but just a little kid. I could see she wasn’t becoming eighteen on that day, but really reliving her childhood still. She had so much to go through, and so much to learn. And I could sense everything. For once, I knew everything about her.

Mabel Gleeful was, despite everything she had done, a survivor. And her brother had left her behind to suffer, and that couldn’t be right.

So maybe I could help her. Maybe I even had to.

“What is it?” I asked, wishing I knew how to act kinder. “I am sorry, Mabel,” I thought. “I just don’t know how to be normal anymore”.

She stared at me, for the second or third time on that day. Her eyes were dry, not a single tear there, and I knew she was still denying what had happened to him. I just hoped someone would be there to help her once the realization hit.

“I… I have something. For him,” she began. And I could feel my heart breaking. I could feel empathy finally working. There, where her voice didn’t work as well as it should. There, she looked shorter than usual, less excited than usual. She looked less alive and I was dying together with her. With them.

I nodded, because that’s what I could do. Looking behind her I saw that man, Stanford, looking at her and waiting. She continued.

“But I can’t. I can’t give it to him. Can you… Can you please…”

“To… To who?” I asked, already knowing what the answer was.

“To Dipper. Please”. She handed something to me. I looked down and saw it was a folded piece of paper, one which had some words written on them. I took my eyes away quickly and she sighed, whispering: “It’s okay, you can look”.

But I shook my head, I didn’t want to. I looked around to see the people leaving, to see that we were some of the last people there, and then back at where Dipper had been buried. “But…”

“Just put it on his grave. Or something. Please”. She sounded so certain, so sure of what she wanted me to do. Mabel then turned away, but didn’t walk one step. She simply turned her back to me and made me stay by myself, only holding the paper in hands. That paper I didn’t know very well.

I took another glance at it, and accidentally read the words. “To Dipper. From mom. For your 18th birthday”.

I gasped and at least three tears formed in my eyes. I covered my mouth quickly so I wouldn’t make any more noise, sure that that was the saddest thing I had ever read in my life. I just wanted Mabel to make me breathe so I could forget that.

I felt so bad. For one short second I missed Dipper Gleeful like he was my fucking best friend. I missed him like he was my brother.

My stomach hurt, and my heart was beating loud. I stared at Mabel with trembling lips, and there, I was crying. I missed him so much, somehow. I missed him because she missed him. And when she saw me cry, she cried too. She let her tears fall and the moment we were sharing was one I hadn’t been looking forward to. We both stood there, crying for Dipper Gleeful, with Stanford Gleeful looking at us from far away. I walked one step forward in an attempt to hug Mabel but gave up halfway. I couldn’t do it.

I turned around. “I’ll give him your letter,” I said. I wasn’t looking but I know Mabel nodded when she said. “You can read it if you want. I never looked at it. I couldn’t”.

I couldn’t do it either… could I? That woman was dead, and so was Dipper. I realized that if I didn’t take that chance, her words would forever be lost. No one would ever read what Dipper and Mabel’s mother had written, and the letter would fly far away and disappear somewhere. I knew what I had to do.

“Goodbye, Mabel. Thank you for the summer”. And I heard her steps, walking away forever. That was the last time we would see each other.

I was alone, no one but me and the grave of Dipper Gleeful. The place where he had been buried had a strong stone on top of it, and an epitaph which read “here lies Mason Gleeful. Loved by a whole town. Loved forever by the stars”.

My face trembled once again, and I almost gagged by trying not to cry more. I sat down, water falling on me, glad that Pacifica wasn’t sharing that moment with me. And so I opened the letter.

“My dearest son. I am writing to you very early in our lives, because I know what is going to happen to me this year. I can see you right now. I can see your young lifeless body, and although I don’t know when or how it’s going to happen, it still hurts me to know I’m not able to do anything. It hurts to know what you might never set your eyes on these words. No future I have ever seen will ever hurt more than this one. Knowing I am vulnerable, knowing I cannot do anything…”

“I wish the world was wide enough for both you and your sister to live together, for both of you to be happy. I hope your powers did not separate the two of you, my son, I hope it never caused you any harm. I hope you felt like every moment was special, like everything was meaningful. Because of all the things I regret, giving you my powers is what I regret most. You could’ve lived in peace. But you did not”.

“I wish our powers were less certain. I wish I could see what I see. Life tends to be unfair. And that is why, I forgive everything you do. I love you despite everything you might think you have done wrong. And I know you cannot see this, but I can see you. I can see you better than I ever did. And that moment, right there... that's when you're the least powerful, son. And that is the best part."

"I am about to leave this world. And somewhere, I can't exactly see, but I can feel, we will be together. I'm going to see you again. We can make this right. We can make it worth it. Let us write our future for once. Let us not be dragged by certainty. Let us meet in a place where nothing is led by us, but everything is led for us. Your mother loves you, and your mother misses you”.

“I’ll see you soon, my star”.

The words almost weren’t coming out of my mouth. I got up and decided I would take that letter home. He had heard everything already.