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"Jon!"
At the sound of his own name being called, Jon looked up from the book he had been reading. It was some book required for one of his classes that he hadn't really been taking in for the last few pages. As he was pulled back into reality, he sighed upon the realization that he would have to go back and reread around five pages that, frankly, weren't interesting him at all. He set the book down on the side table, not bothering to bookmark his page, and looked up to spot where the familiar voice that was calling his name was coming from.
"Yes?" Jon called back when he didn't spot her. When Georgie walked into the room, Jon couldn't help but feel mildly anxious at her expression. She looked far too excited for his comfort. He tried not to think too hard about what she could possibly plan on roping him into this time.
"So," She started, but her face soon fell once she noticed just how uncomfortable Jon looked. "What's that look for?" She asks accusingly. Jon nervously picks at the hem of his sweater. "Look, Georgie, I'm sure whatever you're about to invite me to will be good fun, but I'm not interested."
Georgie leers at him, arms crossed tightly across her chest. Then, a slight smirk creeps onto her face. "I'll make a deal with you: Come with me to this one thing, and if you hate it, I'll never force you to go anywhere again."
Jon looks at her with hesitation, but sighs defeatedly. "Fine. What is it?" This seems to perk Georgie up.
"A few friends of mine are gonna have a little pride celebration at their flat. And I told them I'd bring you." She adds the last bit with slight embarrassment, knowing she probably shouldn't have invited him without actually knowing if he'd want to join her.
"A party? Oh no, Georgie I can't-" Jon is hurriedly trying to think of excuses that will allow him to back out of his agreement with Georgie, but her glare is back and he can't find it in him to argue with her.
"It's hardly going to be a party, Jon. Just a few friends." She tries to reason, but Jon still doesn't look convinced.
"I don't know, Georgie. Besides, I'm only ace." Jon says, both trying to get out of going and genuinely believing it's enough of a reason that he shouldn't be there at all. But when he looks back up at Georgie, it's abundantly clear that was the wrong thing to say.
For a moment, she looks mad, but it melts away with a sigh, leaving only pity on her face. She wants to argue, but she knows Jon really believes that he wouldn't be allowed to come with her even if he wanted to.
"Jon, being ace is enough. It's not like you have to earn a certain amount of queer points, you're already a part of the community." Georgie explains gently, sitting beside Jon and resting her hand on his shoulder.
"Oh." He responds simply. He knew that. Of course he knew that. But it was hard to remember. It was hard to really feel like he belonged in the community sometimes, but if he was being honest, he didn't mind the idea of being around people who actually included him. A small, hesitant smile makes it's way onto his face.
"Okay. Okay, I'll go."
Georgie's face lights up immediately. "Thank you Jon!" She wraps her arms around him and presses a kiss against his cheek. "I promise you'll have fun. It'll be great!" She untangles herself from him and tilts her head slightly.
"Do you happen to have any pride clothes? Any pins or anything like that?" She asks. Jon shakes his head. "Do I need to? I can buy something if I need to." He asks quietly. He wasn't too keen on expanding his wardrobe too often. He was an almost-broke uni student, and he was frankly pretty content with all the clothes he had, so shopping wasn't really on his radar right now.
Georgie laughs, though there's no teasing in her tone. "No no, I actually had something in mind. It'll take a bit, but we have a few weeks until the get-together. I think I can get it done in time." She explains, and Jon can see that look in her eyes. She always got this shimmer in her eyes when she was confident in a plan, and Jon found it endlessly endearing. He envied her confidence a bit, if he was being quite honest.
"Right," She stands up, full of that confident energy. "I need to pick up a few things then." Jon wants to question her, but she pulls him into a kiss before he can. "I'll be back soon!" She's out the door before he can even consider trying to ask what she's up to.
She does, in fact, return less than an hour later. Much to Jon's dismay, she hides her purchases from him. "Sorry Jon, it's a surprise!"
"You know I hate surprises."
She laughs. "I know! But I'm sure you'll like this one. And if not, I have a few backups in mind."
Over the next two weeks, Georgie spends a lot of her spare time on Jon's surprise. As the day of the pride celebration gets closer and closer, Jon can't help but feel more anxious. Should he back out? Find and excuse for why he can't go? No, he can't do that. Georgie has been working so hard on this surprise for him, he can't back out now. And besides, he made her a promise. He could do this, for her.
It was the night before the get-together that Jon heard Georgie call for him from her recording studio. She had been hiding in there as she worked, finding it was the best place to hide her work from Jon.
Jon stepped into the room, both anxious and excited to see what Georgie has been working on. She's grinning, that confident glimmer more apparent than ever.
"Alright, you don't have to wear this tomorrow, but I have a feeling you'll like it!" She's hiding whatever "it" is behind her back, borderline bouncing with excitement. Jon just nods, encouraging her to reveal whatever she's been working so diligently on. She pulls it out from behind her and... Oh.
It's a sweater. It looked incredibly well made, but that wasn't what Jon was focusing on. Instead, he was focused on the colors. From the top down, the sweater was striped with black, grey, white, and violet.
For a moment, he just stared at it. Georgie's confidence seemed to falter when Jon didn't respond. "It's okay if you don't like it." She says, though she sounds as if the prospect of Jon not liking it would hurt her deeply. Upon realizing that Georgie thought he didn't like it, Jon promptly pulls Georgie into a hug.
"I love it. Thank you, Georgie." Jon mumbles against her shoulder, slightly overwhelmed by the feelings of having received such a heartfelt gift. Georgie wraps her arms back around Jon, sweater still in hand. "Of course, Jon."
Jon finally pulls away and finally grabs the sweater. It's incredibly soft, and upon further inspection, the yarn Georgie used is slightly glittery. Little iridescent strands intertwine with the yarn and catch the faint light of Georgie's studio ever so slightly. He's certain that it will glitter even more in proper lighting, and while the prospect of wearing something so attention grabbing would normally fill him with anxiety, another part of him can't wait to wear it and watch the light reflect off of him.
And he wouldn't have to wait too long.
Jon was almost tempted to try on the sweater that night, but he held back. He wanted to wait until the day of the get-together to finally see how it looked on him.
Jon slipped the sweater on. It was somehow even softer now than it had been when he was just holding it. He had worried that the glitter would be itchy, but he couldn't feel it at all. It was soft and warm, though not overbearingly so, and it fit him perfectly. With no hesitation left in his body, he looks at himself in the mirror.
He was right about the glitter. In the proper lighting of his and Georgie's room, the sweater glittered beautifully. He spun around, watching the light reflect off of him. It fit him perfectly, and he briefly wondered if Georgie had used his other clothes as a reference. He couldn't remember the last time he had actually liked the way he looked in something. He felt nice.
He felt confident.
He was ready.
For a moment, this confidence made him consider something. He rifled through his closet, finding a certain article of clothing he had found at a charity shop a few months ago but had never had the confidence to wear. His hand hovered over it, before he pulled away and shut the closet door. Not today, he told himself.
"Oh my God, you look great!"
Jon jumps slightly at Georgie's sudden appearance. She laughs. "Sorry, but I mean it!" She puts her hands on her hips, smiling wide. Jon takes in her outfit.
She's wearing a white crop top that reads "Love is Love" in rainbow letters. She's also wearing a pink, yellow, and blue miniskirt and white thigh high socks.
Jon smiles. "You look great too."
She shrugs and walks over to Jon, kissing him on the cheek. "Eh, you look better."
"Only because you made this." Jon argues, and Georgie laughs at this. "Can't argue with that. Besides, you admit you look better, that's a win in my book." Jon opens his mouth to argue, but quickly shuts it once he realizes there isn't much he can say to change her mind.
The two walk to the tube station together. It's a quick trip to Georgie's friends flat. It's surprisingly relaxed, just like Georgie promised. Though Jon was still anxious around new people, Georgie made him feel safe. And everyone liked his new sweater.
In the end, Jon couldn't deny he had fun. The next time Georgie asked him to go somewhere with him, he politely declined, and Georgie didn't push it. But once a year, she managed to get him to come with her to her friends flat and celebrate pride with them.
And once a year, he got to wear his sweater.
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Jon shouldn't have been surprised, he really shouldn't have.
But on June 1st, he couldn't help but stare as Tim walked in, fully dressed in pride attire. It went entirely against dress code, and though he knew that didn't really matter, Jon almost wanted to report him for it. Still, as he watched Tim saunter into the Researcher's office wearing a crop top reading "Gay Disaster", a pair of black shorts with rainbow trim, and fishnets, Jon couldn't help being slightly jealous of Tim's confidence.
It wasn't until Tim literally rolled up to Jon's desk that he realized that he was also wearing heelys.
"Heya!" Tim greeted in his usual cheery tone. "So... Whaddya think?" He asks, hand on his hip as he leans over Jon's desk. Jon looks him up and down, scowling.
"I think you're violating just about every rule in our dress code."
Tim rolls his eyes. "Oh c'mon, you don't actually care about that do you? I mean, you can't take it seriously. It doesn't even give examples of what 'professional dress' is supposed to be! And besides, Elias hasn't said anything before." He leans in a little closer to Jon, smirking. "And you haven't had any complaints when I was breaking dress code the rest of the year."
Jon looks at him, eyebrows furrowed in slight confusion and annoyance. "What are you getting at?"
"You think I'm hot, don't you?"
"Tim!" Jon shouts, likely a little too loud. He's visibly flustered, and Tim only grins wider.
"Oh don't be so embarrassed, I get it. I'm impossible to resist." Tim is sitting on top of Jon's desk now.
"Tim, I think you misunderstand-" Jon tries to reason, but Tim's already jumping off his desk, chuckling as he heads over to his bag. "You can't hide your feelings forever, Jon. But I'll leave you be for now, I have work to get to." Tim winks as he pulls a small drawstring bag from the backpack he carried to work.
Jon leans to see what he's getting. Whatever is inside the small bag is clinking together. Tim notices Jon's staring.
"Oh, I brought pride pins for everyone in the Institute. It's sort of become a tradition, actually!" Tim explains, pulling the bag open. "Do you... want one?" He asks hesitantly. Tim wasn't actually sure how Jon identified, and even if he was, he didn't want find it too likely that Jon would be comfortable wearing something that would reveal his identity to everyone. But to his surprise, Jon walked up to him and rifled through the bag before pulling out a pin with the asexual flag on it. He silently pinned it to his shirt, nodding with satisfaction once it was secure. "Thank you, Tim." He said simply as he walked back to his desk.
Tim blinked with surprise, both at Jon's willingness to take a pin, and reveal his identity in doing so. Tim smiled, oddly proud of Jon. "Right," Tim put on his own pins, one bisexual pin, one trans pin, and one polyamorous pin. "Seeya later then, Jon! I've got people to see!" Tim begins to roll out of the office.
A small smile etches it's way onto Jon's face. "Best of luck." Jon calls, and with that Tim is off to hand pins out to the entire Institute.
The next few days went as Jon expected. Tim showed up in a completely unique pride outfit each day. He arrived at the office one day with a full rainbow feather boa on. The feathers got everywhere, and Jon found himself coughing more than a few times after accidentally inhaling one. This never failed to make Tim laugh, the spastic movement of which resulted in even more feathers being let loose in the Researcher's office. Tim eventually put the feather boa in his bag after Jon nearly passed out from coughing so hard.
"Okay, no more feathers in the office. Got it." Tim said as he carefully packed the boa away. "I'll find a replacement that's less of a choking hazard."
Jon rolled his eyes, trying to steady his breathing after dislodging yet another feather from his throat. "Or just don't go so overboard."
At this, Tim gasped. "Do you have any idea who you're talking to? Overboard is what I do best, Jon!" He held his hand over his chest in faux offense. "Maybe you need to learn how to go a little overboard." Tim said, grinning. "I could help with that, you know."
Jon just scowls. "No thank you."
Tim sighs. "Fine, but can I at least ask one thing of you?"
Jon is hesitant to agree. He has no clue what Tim could have in mind, but for whatever reason, he looks to him and nods for him to continue. Tim smiles, and there's not mischievous air to it this time. Just a genuine smile.
"Come thrifting with me. I know some good charity shops around here, I can help you put together some good pride outfits. It can be whatever you're comfortable with." And now he's grinning. "I'll only buy you a feather boa if you ask me to."
Jon almost wants to say no. Almost. But he thinks back to the last time he actually celebrated pride, to the sweater he hadn't worn in many years now, and he misses it. He didn't have to dress like Tim for pride, he could find something that suited him. Something that made him confident.
"Alright. We can go this afternoon."
Jon wasn't sure he had ever seen Tim smile that wide.
As the afternoon approached, Jon was feeling less confident in his decision. He had no idea what Tim would pick for him and he wasn't sure he could handle the idea of his coworker seeing him in a crop top or something like that. He just didn't have the confidence Tim did, and he wasn't sure it was a good idea to let Tim make stylistic decisions on his behalf. But as the afternoon finally rolled around, Jon refused to back out. He agreed to this. He tried his best to ignore the glances his fellow researchers gave him as he left the Institute with Tim. He did, however, make a point to tap the pin on his shirt when one of the library employees gave him a wink when he walked past them.
Tim opted to walk the charity shop. Maybe he just preferred walking, or maybe he just liked garnering the attention of everyone in London with his outfit, but he insisted they walk. He'd put his boa back on, no longer concerned with it being a "choking hazard" now that they were outside. Besides, the shop wasn't too far away.
The charity shop wasn't anything remarkable, not thay any charity shop is. But Tim still walked in like it was a designer boutique, and the employees greeted him like he was a celebrity. Jon supposed that Tim most likely was the closest thing to a celebrity for them. Without any hesitation, Tim grabbed Jon's wrist and lead him to the clothing section. Then, he looked to Jon expectantly. Jon just looked around nervously. He hadn't gone shopping for clothes in quite some time, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't a bit overwhelmed, especially since he had an audience this time.
Much to Jon's relief, Tim seemed to realize this quickly. He leads Jon to the men's section first and began rifling through all the options. With a grin, Tim pulls something off the rack and shows it off to Jon.
"Whaddya think?" Tim asks. He's holding up a rainbow crop top, and all Jon can think is how he would never have the confidence to wear something so loud. Tim understands Jon's silence. "No? That's alright, we'll find something else." And he puts the shirt back on the rack.
They go through a few more things, each getting the same reaction from Jon. Too loud, too attention-grabbing, too overboard. Those things work well for Tim, but Jon just can't see himself wearing those things.
Tim grabs another shirt off the rack. It's a mostly black t-shirt, but on the chest is a big heart with the bisexual flag on it.
And Jon likes it.
But he ignores that. He isn't bi. Well, he isn't so sure that's true. He's thought he might be bi since before uni, but he'd never actually put enough thought into it to come to a conclusion. It was easier not to question his identity any further than he had. He was ace, and just ace.
But he liked the shirt. And he might be bi. And damn it, Tim was talking and he hadn't heard a word of it.
"-I mean it's a bit small but I think I could make it work, what do you think?" Was all Jon heard. Oh. Tim was gonna get the shirt for himself.
That was fine.
"Jon?" Tim had noticed the way Jon was looking at the shirt, and how he had seemingly zoned out in the process. He smiled, and Jon couldn't help but think it was a warm smile. "Jon, do you want the shirt?"
Jon's face began to heat up. "N-no, it's fine, you want it right? And besides, I'm not bi. I mean..." Jon lowers his voice to a mumble. "I might be..." He looks down at the floor, secretly hopes Tim didn't hear him.
And suddenly Tim's hand is on his shoulder. "Jon?" Jon looks up to meet his gaze, and he can't help feeling nervous from how serious he looks. "Are you bi?" Tim asks. Jon nods. "I think so." He adds. Tim nods after him. "Okay. Do you want the shirt?" Jon nods again, and Tim finally stops looking so serious. He smiles again, folding the shirt over his arm. "Alright then! That's one thing. Let's aim for a full outfit!" And suddenly Tim is pulling him to the next rack.
It isn't long before Tim gets a handle on Jon's tastes and finally helps him settle on a black pair of jeans with rainbow cuffs. It's just subtle enough that he feels like he can wear them without garnering too much unwanted attention.
It's without any help or input from Tim that Jon picks out the leather jacket that's in surprisingly good condition for a charity shop. The outside is, unsurprisingly, solid black. The inside, however, is a dark violet. It's unlikely anyone other than he and Tim would even notice the color, and Jon was perfectly fine with that. Tim looks at the jacket with a glimmer in his eyes, and Jon thinks that it's a look of, fittingly enough, pride.
The two decide to stop there, knowing they could be there for hours if they try to put together another outfit. One was enough for now, they decided.
Jon opted not to try anything on. A part of him wanted to show up to the Institute tomorrow and have Tim see him wearing everything, to tell him he looked great, to make him feel confident for the first time in a long time.
Tim walked Jon to the tube station in relative silence. It was only as Jon was about to leave that Tim spoke up.
"You don't have to wear any of this immediately, you know. Doesn't even have to be during pride. Or ever. Just make sure you don't push yourself to dress up for pride. It's your choice." Tim says, and he has that serious look again. But it doesn't make Jon anxious this time. Jon just smiles and nods, before leaving.
The next morning, as Jon is getting dressed, he thinks about Tim's words. He looks at his new shirt, the one he wanted so much. And he decides he isn't ready.
And he reminds himself that's okay.
He decides to wear the jeans and the jacket, with his ace pin on the lapel, and opts for a plain black button up to take the place of the pride shirt.
He feels confident.
He doesn't get any weird glances during his commute to work, which he is infinitely grateful for. And when he walks into the Institute, the look Rosie gives him is one that only serves to increase his confidence. Involuntarily, he grins.
When he walks into the Researcher's office, Tim immediately looks over to him. He's grinning wildly, and Jon can't help but repay him with a smirk.
"You look fantastic! The jacket really suits you. Never thought the rugged bad-boy look would work for you, but I stand corrected." Tim's voice was only slightly teasing, and Jon couldn't really blame him. It wasn't exactly his normal look.
But he liked the change, just a bit.
After talking with Tim for a bit longer, Jon made his way to his desk. As he sat down, he noticed something sitting at the corner, on top of a few files he had been looking through the day before.
It was a pin
A pink, purple, and blue pin.
He grabbed it, looking at it for a moment. It was the same size as his other pin which now sat firmly on his lapel. With a smile, he put the pin alongside the other.
He was ready for this.
__________________
Jon knew how Tim was during pride month by now. He had known him long enough to know he would bring his traditions right along with him into the Archives. And Jon couldn't really bring himself to have any issues with it. So long as Tim kept his feather boas away from Jon, then he would have no problems.
No, it wasn't Tim's celebrations he was dreading.
He was dreading the whole month.
Over the years spent with Tim, Jon has learned how to be a bit more confident in his identity. He's had no problem wearing his, albeit comparatively subtle, pride gear to work these past few years thanks to Tim's help.
But that confidence is harder for Jon to wear when in the midst of questioning his identity.
He knew he was asexual, he figured that out a long time ago. It was a certainty for him at this point. And he knew he was bi, maybe he'd known that longer than he'd known he was ace. And, well...
He thought he knew he was a man.
But that felt wrong. He was starting to think it always had and he just hadn't realized it. But he was all too aware of it now. "Man" wasn't the right word for him. And it probably never had been.
It had all started the previous pride month. Jon was actually helping Tim pass out pins around the Institute this year, and in the process, he found one he didn't recognize.
"Oh!" Tim starts, eager to teach Jon. "That's the nonbinary flag. It's for people who don't really feel male or female. Maybe they're somewhere in between or just don't feel a connection to either or something similar. It's a pretty broad term." Tim hands someone a pin. "I don't actually think anyone in the Institute identifies as nonbinary, but I have a few just in case."
And that was the start of it for Jon. Did people actually feel a connection to their genders? He was certain he never had, at least not as far as he could remember. He never felt overtly male anymore than he felt overtly female. He just felt like Jon.
He wanted to ask Tim, but he wasn't sure how that would go. The more he thought about it, the more it made sense for Tim to feel connected to his gender. Being trans, he had to assume Tim felt more strongly towards being male than female.
But Jon didn't feel either.
So after almost a year of contemplation and research and lot of gender crisis, Jon was almost certain he had figured it out. He just wasn't sure he was ready to share it.
And that was the problem. He had become so confident during pride month, but he wasn't sure he was ready to share this part of him with the same confidence. But not sharing it felt wrong, like he was lying to himself and everyone else.
As June 1st finally rolled around, Jon wore his pins and his bi pride shirt. It was a particularly warm day, so he opted not to wear the leather jacket.
He walked into the Archives, unsurprised to see Tim had gone all out per usual. He was already passing out pins to the Archive staff when Jon walked in.
"Heya boss! Glad to see you still have your pins, I'm afraid I might run out." Tim shouts from across the room as he hands Sasha a green, grey, and black pin.
Jon looks to Sasha, who is adding her new pin next to one with pink and various shades of grey that he doesn't recognize, then to Martin who's wearing a trans pin, as well as a rainbow one. Tim is sporting his usual pins, Jon notices as well.
He thinks about asking Tim for a new pin. He wants to ask. But instead, he steps into his office without a word to his coworkers.
It isn't long before Tim makes his way into Jon's office.
"I know I do this every year, and knowing you I bet nothings changed, but," Tim holds out the drawstring bag to Jon. "Need a new pin?" He asks. Jon looks at the bag hesitantly, as if it might bite him. He doesn't think about that for too long, just in case it actually can.
Jon reaches into the bag and searches through the various colorful pins. He knows exactly which one he's looking for. He pulls the pin out and looks at it in the palm of his hand. Yellow, white, purple, black. He doesn't add the pin with the rest, just looks at it for a moment before putting it in his desk drawer. He feels a hand on his shoulder and looks up at Tim.
"Wear it when you're ready." He says, wearing the warmest smile Jon had ever seen on him. And he knew Tim wouldn't tell anyone.
Jon doesn't think about the pin sitting in his drawer. He doesn't think about how he's finally accepted that he isn't a man or a woman. He doesn't think about how Tim knows. He doesn't think about it, and it feels good to not think about it.
It's later in the day when Sasha comes to his office. She visits his office the least of the the three, so he can't help but find it a bit odd that she's there.
"Tim's busy right now, but he wanted me to ask of you'd want to come to our pride party." She asks.
Jon grimaces at the use of the word "party", and Sasha seems to notice this. "Oh, it's not really a party." She explains. "Just the Archive staff, that's all. Hardly a party." Jon relaxes at this, but still seems hesitant.
"It's up to you if you wanna join us. But I think you'd have a lot of fun." She smiles, a warm smile not unlike Tim's, as she rocks back and forth on her heels.
Jon just nods. "I'll think about it." He says, then goes back to work. Sasha celebrates silently, knowing that's the closest she's getting to a "yes". She leaves his office without another word.
Jon wants to go. He misses the pride get-togethers from his uni years and he couldn't deny that at least spending pride with Tim the last few years has been entertaining. He would go, he decided. And it was a promise to himself.
The day of the "party" had rolled around sooner than Jon had hoped. He wasn't dreading it, per se, but he wasn't sure what he expected. But if Tim was there, he was confident he would be able to handle it. Worse case scenario, Tim doesn't expect Jon to show up and wears a boa.
He hoped that was the worst case scenario.
Jon doesn't have to think twice about wearing the sweater Georgie made him. He wore it every year when he went to pride celebrations with her, and he was happy to have a chance to revive the tradition.
The sweater still fit perfectly. He admired himself in the mirror, feeling the same confidence from years before wash over him. Some of the glitter had fallen out, but it still glimmered when the light hit him. He did a quick spin, admiring how the light bounced off of him, and he was reminded of something in his closet. Something he bought years ago and still hadn't worn. He wanted to. He would, someday. He knew exactly where it was, it would be easy to find it and wear it to the party.
But he wasn't ready.
He attached two of his pins to his sweater. The newest one remained sat on his nightstand.
When Jon arrived at Tim's flat, Sasha and Martin were already there. He was relieved to see that neither of them had gone as overboard as Tim. Sasha was wearing a grey shirt with black jeans and a green cardigan, which all matched her aro pin perfectly. Martin was wearing a pastel rainbow polo and white shorts. And Tim...
Oh Tim...
Tim was wearing a rainbow crop top with a heart-shaped cut out, rainbow fishnets, white shorts, and rainbow thigh high socks.
And roller skates. Indoors.
Jon rolled his eyes. "Glad to see you've upgraded from heelys." He jokes.
"Oh no, I've had these for years, I just couldn't wear them to the office." Tim explains. Jon quirks an eyebrow.
"You could show up to work looking like this," Jon motions up and down at Tim. "But you couldn't wear roller skates?"
Tim chuckles. "Okay, you got me, I was scared I wouldn't be able to make it up the steps at the front of the Institute."
All of them laugh at this. "Couldn't you just take the the skates off to go up the steps?" Sasha suggests as the laughter dies out.
"Shit!" Tim shouts, and everyone is laughing again. "Why didn't I think of that?"
"Cause you're the office himbo."
"Oh Sasha, what would I do without you?" He says dramatically.
She chuckles. "Well for one, you'd never get a chance to roll files through the Archives."
They all talk for quite a while, before Sasha and Martin get into a conversation about spiders, at which point Jon politely excuses himself to Tim's kitchen. Shortly after, Tim joins him there.
"Having fun?" Tim asks. Jon actually laughs, though he's not sure at what. "I mean, before the spiders? Yeah."
"I can ask them to stop, you know." Tim offers.
"No, it's alright. Let them have their fun."
The two sit in a comfortable silence for a bit, only the muffled voices of Martin and Sasha filling the air. Jon is silently thankful he can't make out any of the words. It's Tim who breaks the silence.
"Can I ask you something?" He asks. Jon nods, though just that question is enough to make him anxious.
"How long have you identified as nonbinary?"
Jon sighs. "I... I don't really know? I started questioning it last year, when you told me about it. And I guess I realized that it kind of fit me. But as for when I actually started identifying that way?" Jon laughs. "Today?" He means it half as a joke, but it's basically true.
Tim seems to understand this. He smiles. "Hey, if today's when you're ready, then that's okay." Jon nods, smiling slightly.
Tim makes a quiet noise, like he's thinking what to say next. "What?" Jon prompts.
"Is he/him still okay?" Tim asks.
Jon nods. "Yeah. I don't really know about anything else right now, I haven't tried other pronouns. But I'm okay with those."
Tim nods understandingly. "And you're still Jon?"
Jon laughs at this, though he doesn't know why. It's a genuine question, but something about it makes him laugh. "Yes, I'm still Jon."
Tim smiles. "Alright."
"If anything changes, you'll be the first to know." Jon says, and something in Tim's face lights up.
They return to the party together, and Jon is glad to find the conversation is no longer about spiders. As Jon sits on Tim's incredibly comfy couch, he thinks about their conversation just moments ago.
Mostly, he thinks about how Tim never asked when, or if, he would tell the others. He knows Jon will do it when, and if, he's ever ready. He isn't sure when that will happen. He thinks it'll take a lot for him to trust Sasha and Martin the way he trusts Tim.
But he lets tonight be the first step towards that trust. Someday, he knows, he'll be ready.
__________________
Jon isn't sure he's ready.
He had explained everything to Martin in the first few days they had been in Scotland. Martin had known he was both asexual and bi for quite some time, but in the confines of the safehouse, Jon had finally felt ready to tell Martin he's nonbinary too.
Martin took it well. Of course he did. He had a few questions, much like Tim had years ago. Questions about his name and pronouns and how long he had known. He had eventually asked Martin to ask what pronouns he wanted each day.
He always answered he/him.
He wanted to try they/them, he really did. But everytime Martin asked, something in him just couldn't give the answer he wanted to. Everything was just complicated.
To make matters worse, he had found so much of the confidence he had gotten from what he'd learned with Tim was fading. Some days, he could still feel it. On the right days, he could wear his leather jacket and black jeans and pride shirt with the same confidence he felt all those years ago. But on Wrong Days, the many things he had found on thrifting trips with Tim made him hate how he looked.
He'd tried explaining this to Martin, and he seemed to understand immediately.
"Dysphoria." Martin had said one morning as they ate breakfast. "It's probably a bit different for you than me, since you're nonbinary. But that's probably why it switches like that." He takes a bite of his pancakes.
"How do I get rid of it?" Jon asks, like it's another monster trying to kill him. And maybe it was.
"Hmm. Well, you can't always get rid of it. But if the clothes are a problem, then you just have to figure out what clothes don't make you feel that way from day to day." Martin sets down his fork with a clink as he finishes his food. "It'll probably feel a bit tedious at first, but you should be able to recognize what's causing your dysphoria each day after a while."
Jon nodded. "Thank you, Martin."
Martin nods back, and smiles. "Of course. Anytime." And he picks up his and Jon's plates and goes to wash them, leaving Jon to think about what he was going to do.
It had been a few weeks since that conversation, and as Jon sat alone in his and Martin's bedroom, he was aware of two things.
It's was June 1st, and this was a Wrong Day.
It was pride month, and even with only one other person to celebrate with, he wanted to do something. But the thought of wearing any if his pride clothes today make his skin crawl.
He wasn't happy with what he was wearing today, but it didn't make him want to crawl out of his own skin, so it would have to do. After a moment of thinking, he remembered what he could wear that wouldn't hurt him. Somewhere in his closet sat a little box containing three pins, one of which he had never worn.
Jon opened the closet door and searched for the box. It shouldn't be difficult to find, the only other boxes contained shoes and were far too big to be what he was looking for. Finally, he found the little box. It rattled as the pins shifted, and for a moment Jon thought back to the little drawstring bad full of pins. Underneath it, another box sat. It was larger than the one in his hand, yet flatter than the ones around it. He knew exactly what was in that box. Something he had found in a charity shop, back when he was still in university. And just like the pin, it had sat unworn. His hand hovered over the box hesitantly, like touching it might burn him. It might, he thought. Without another thought, he grabbed the box and pulled it out. He looked at the two boxes, and without opening them, he felt a sudden surge of confidence.
And he was ready.
With a little more searching, he found the sweater Georgie had made him so many years ago. He hadn't worn it in a few years, but he knew it was perfect for the rest of the outfit.
Much to his delight, it still fit him perfectly. For a moment he wondered if Georgie had made a deal with some entity that made it so the sweater always fit him perfectly, but he didn't humor the thought. He attached all his pins to the sweater, his hands shaking slightly as he clasped the final one. That left only one thing.
The fabric was soft, flowing and loose. He stepped in front of the mirror with his eyes clenched shut, borderline terrified to actually see what he looked like. He took a deep breath, and opened his eyes.
The skirt was a dark grey, matching the shade on his sweater almost perfectly. It reached just above his ankles. The fabric swayed back and forth with him, and in a sudden burst of energy, he spun around and watched the skirt twirl around him.
He loved it.
"Oh my God-"
Jon is certain he quite literally jumps in fear when Martin's voice breaks the silence.
"Sorry! Sorry, I just... Wow." Is all Martin can manage out. Jon swishes the skirt back and forth nervously.
"Do you like it?" Jon asks quietly.
"I love it. You look incredible." Martin walks over to him and presses a kiss on his forehead. It's only now that he's so close that he notices the pins. Martin smiles when he notices the nonbinary pin that he had never seen him wear before.
"Oh," Martin starts, suddenly reminded by the pin. "I didn't ask earlier, what kind of day is it?"
Jon thinks for a moment. "They, please." Martin nods, placing another kiss on their forehead. "They it is, then." He says.
Jon looks at themself in the mirror one more time. And it's not a Wrong Day anymore.
During their morning walk, Jon can't swaying and skipping and spinning just to watch their skirt move around them. It feels so freeing, and they're loving every second of it. It's after they spin for the third time that Martin finally speaks up.
He's laughing, nothing but pure adoration in his tone. "You're absolutely adorable right now, you know that right?" Jon just nods dismissively. "Yes, yes, whatever you say." They add, now spinning for a fourth time. They're starting to get dizzy, but they don't want to stop.
Shortly after, Martin takes a hold of their hand, making impossible for them to spin on their own. It seems like Martin can tell they're getting antsy, as he asks them: "Do you want to spin again?"
It sounded so childish. But Martin had asked them with no teasing in his voice. And so they nodded. Martin smiles, lifting Jon's arm and twirling them around.
The giggle that escapes Jon is entirely involuntary. Martin looks at them with pure awe.
"You snort when you laugh!" Martin says, smiling as wide as possible.
"I do not!" Jon defends, but they're still laughing, and another snort escapes them.
"Yes you do! Oh my God, I didn't think it was possible for you to get any cuter." And now Martin was laughing too.
As their laughter finally died down, they settled into a comfortable silence as they continued to walk towards the village. Jon had taken to grabbing their skirt and swishing it back and forth. Martin smiles at the sight.
"Do you have anymore skirts? That one suits you really well." He asks.
Jon blushes slightly. "Oh uh, no. I actually bought this back in uni. It's my first time wearing it, actually."
Martin looks surprised that Jon waited that long to wear it, but he supposed it made sense. In a way, he felt honored that the first person to see them wear it was him.
"Would you want more?" Martin asks. Jon just stares at him for a moment, both caught off guard by the question and genuinely considering it.
"Yes." They finally decide. Martin smiles, a warm smile like they haven't seen from anyone but him in years. "I'm sure we can find somewhere in the village to buy some." Martin says. "In fact, I think there's a charity shop somewhere. Would you want to go? Today, I mean."
Jon thinks on it. If skirts helped them on Wrong Days, then they would probably need more than one. And even if they didn't feel ready to wear a skirt again soon, having the option seemed nice. They smile and nod. "Yes, I'd like that."
The charity shop in the village is incredibly small. It's almost nothing like the ones back in London, and yet Jon can feel memories of thrifting trips with Tim flooding back to them.
Martin glances around the shop, before pulling Jon towards a small rack of skirts. Martin's hand passes over the skirts, but he doesn't grab anything, only looks to Jon.
"Anything catch your eye?" Martin asks, making a mental note to not use that phrase again the moment he says it.
They just look up at Martin. "How about you pick something for me." They request. Martin looks at them oddly. "But it's for you, you should pick."
"Humor me." They say. They don't tell Martin anything more.
Martin smiles slightly, and begins looking through the skirts properly. He pulls out a black circle skirt that looks like it'll reach just above Jon's knees.
And they love it.
Martin is almost certain they'll end up buying it just from they way Jon is staring at it. It was simple, fitting their taste perfectly, and Martin had no doubt it would look amazing on them. Without a word, Jon takes the skirt and folds it over their arm.
"Yes, I... This will do nicely." They finally say, running their hand over the soft fabric. Martin smiles, then goes back to looking through the rack. Martin picks out a soft brown skirt very similar to the one Jon is wearing now, as well as silky grey one he's certain they'll love. Jon looks at both of them, focusing particularly on the silky one, and they wonder how it will look when they spin in it.
They decide to stop there. The options at the charity shop are slim, and many of the skirts there are either not Jon's taste or simply wouldn't fit their tiny frame. Martin purchases the skirts for them and they begin their walk back to the safehouse.
Jon holds the charity shop bag close to their chest, barely containing their excitement. Jon flaps their free hand in excitement, bouncing slightly as they walk. On occasion, Martin will grab their hand and twirl them around, which never fails to make them giggle.
"I don't think I've ever seen you this happy." Martin remarks, finding Jon's joy to be contagious. "I understand it though. It can be so freeing to finally be able to be yourself." Martin grabs Jon's hand, not twirling them this time, just holding on firmly. Jon gives a small squeeze to Martin's hand, and he returns it.
"It... It is quite nice." They say, clutching the bag even closer. "I've been trying to figure everything out since uni, and well..." They laugh quietly. "Being able to be open, with myself and everyone else, it's quite nice."
They walk in relative silence back to the safehouse. Martin takes note of every little sway or skip or spin from Jon as they walk back. "They're so cute." He thinks, and he's tempted to remind them how cute they are out loud again, but he opts to just watch them instead.
After a few minutes, Martin notices Jon glancing up at him, only to look away once they notice Martin is looking back. Martin laughs after this happens nearly half a dozen times.
"Is something up?" He asks.
Jon's cheeks heat up. "I- No, I just... Thank you. For everything. For supporting me and helping me figure this out and just... Yeah." They couldn't find the words to express their gratitude, but they hoped Martin would understand.
He did. He squeezed Jon's hand gently. "Of course Jon. Whenever you need me, I'll be here for you."
And Jon knew he would be, no matter what.