Work Text:
From the moment Shouto opened his eyes he knew exactly what kind of day it was. His whole body felt shaky and he had a horrible sinking feeling in his stomach and everything felt terrifying. It was going to be the kind of day where everything felt like the world was crumbling around him. The kind of day where he felt like he was never safe. The kind of day where he was so on edge it made him sick. He hated those kinds of days, and even though as he got older they happened less and less, he was still way too familiar with those kinds of days.
The anxiety that rose in his chest caused him to examine the room, he was sure there had to be some kind of threat there. It definitely felt like there was some kind of threat. But when he looked around the room all he saw were his partners still sleeping peacefully. They were both still sleeping? Tenya always woke up before him and Izuku, especially on days they had work. What time was it anyways? He sat up and looked over to the clock that was on the nightstand that was on the other side of the bed. 3:30.. oh.. that’s why they weren’t awake. Why was he awake? Was something wrong? Something was wrong. Why else would he be awake? Why else would he feel like this?
He tried to take a deep breath. This was normal for him, it was just part of his PTSD, he has days like this all the time. But what if this was different? What if something was actually wrong this time and he didn’t notice because he just assumed it was PTSD. Something had to be wrong.
Then at that moment one of their cats, Cho, jumped up onto his lap causing him to let out a small yelp and scoot away, accidentally hitting Izuku as he did.
Izuku made a confused muffled noise before sitting up, “Shou? Sweetie, what’s wrong?” He asked as he put his hand on Shouto’s shoulder. Nope, nope Shouto definitely could not do touch right now. He lightly nudged his hand off his shoulder and tried to give him some kind of answer but no matter how hard he tried nothing came out. So it seemed he also couldn’t do words right now either. He couldn’t deal with any of this right now. He let out a frustrated noise before he pushed himself out of bed and headed into the living room, before he heard Izuku called after him, “Shouto?”. He honestly hoped Izuku wouldn’t follow him, he was scared, which was making him angry, and he really didn’t want to take that out on Izuku.
He lightly sat next to Chibi on the couch and held his knees up to his chest. He could hear mumbling from their room. Then he heard the door open, and saw disheveled Tenya .His hair was a mess, his glasses were crooked, he was in a lose fighting t shirt and pajama pants and he was currently only wearing one sock. Izuku must have woken him up from a dead sleep, knowing that Tenya is usually better at handling situations like this. He looked at Shouto with a mix of obvious concern, confusion, and exhaustion. “What’s wrong Shouto?” He asked softly, Shouto didn’t answer. He didn’t know how to answer or even if he could. “Can I sit?” He asked, pointing to the spot on the couch next to Shouto. He still gave no answer. “Shou? Can you hear me?” Shouto heard him, he just didn’t know what to say or how to say it or how to talk or how to do anything. He simply nodded yes. “Shouto, can we go back to bed?” Shouto knew he meant nothing bad. He probably didn’t even realize that what he said could have sounded inconsiderate at all, he was most likely concerned about the fact that Shouto needed sleep. But at the moment he didn’t care. He was scared. He was mad. He didn’t want to go to sleep. He couldn’t go to sleep. He had to stay awake. He had to be on guard to protect them.
“I don’t want to go to bed Tenya”, he said simply, not moving at all from his position on the couch still staring at the wall in front of him.
“Why not? It is best to get at least seven hours of sleep every night and we have work tomorrow so it would probably be best to go back to bed.”
“I’m not a child Tenya.”
Tenya blinked at him clearly confused, most likely taking the statement too literally. Not understanding the frustration that Shouto had put behind it. “Well obviously,” he said.
“So I can take care of myself,” Shouto said, finally turning his head to look at him.
It seemed that in that moment the situation finally clicked for Tenya as he had a look of understanding behind his eyes, “oh.. I see..” he looked a bit sad, Shouto hated that he made him sad. But he had to stay up, he had to protect them by himself, “okay, well, I’m going to go back to bed now.. please come get me or Izuku if you need anything okay?”
“Okay” was all Shouto said, looking back at the wall in front of him.
He stayed awake like that for hours, feeling absolutely miserable, anxious, and tired. But he didn’t want to sleep. Something was wrong. He had to stay awake and make sure everything was going to be okay, that everyone was going to be safe, so that he could be in control. He looked up at the clock, 5:15. Why did he even bother to look, the time didn’t matter anyway, no matter what time it was they were still in danger. He laid back against the back of the couch still trying to stay alert. He was trying so hard to keep his eyes open. He just had to keep his eyes open. Until he couldn’t anymore.
The next thing he knew someone was calling his name before they put a hand on his shoulder. Who was that? Who was touching him? They were going to hurt him. He was going to get hurt. He quickly opened his eyes and flung himself off the couch. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please don’t do it. Don’t hurt me..” He mumbled on repeat as he kept scooting himself back until he hit the small loveseat that was across from the couch. He quickly pulled his knees back up to his chest and tucked his head into them, while he continued to mumble apologies and pleads.
He thought someone might be talking to him, but he wasn’t sure. He really didn’t know what was going on. All he knew was that he was scared. He was a hero, he wasn’t supposed to get scared and hide like this.
“I think we should all just stay home today”, he heard clearly from in front of him.
“Yeah…. I think it’s just one of his bad days.. I definitely don’t think he can go in, maybe one of us could though?” He heard, but that voice was much closer. He quickly pushed himself away from it.
“Perhaps, I can just call Tensei and ask him to take full charge of the agency today? I'm sure he would understand.”
“I don’t know.. Let’s just.. Let’s try to focus on him for now.. We can discuss work after, if we are late then we are late it will be fine”.
As he listened to the voices things began to become more clear. He knew those voices, he knew they were talking about him. He knew he had to go into work. But he also knew that his lack of sleep really caught up with him and his head was pounding. He knew he was rude to Tenya last night. He knew that even though he was currently aware of what was going on he was terrified. He also knew he was nauseous. He felt sick. He was going to be sick. Shit. He quickly got up and did some mixture of a run and a crawl to the bathroom and exactly that happened.
He looked up around the bathroom and saw his partners standing in the doorway, they looked so worried. He caused that. He wanted to cry, he was such a terrible partner. “I-I’m sorry” He choked out before he started sobbing. God he still felt so sick.
“Shou, do you know where you are?” Tenya asked. Shouto just nodded and he continued to cry.
“Then what are you apologizing for, baby?” Izuku asked as he got down onto the floor to be at Shouto’s level.
Izuku opened his arms up to him and Shouto immediately crawled over there into his embrace. “Would I need to apologize if I didn’t know where I was” was all that he said.
“No, I believe he just worded it like that because a lot of times when you are dissociating during a flashback you apologize, so we just wanted to make sure you understood where you are and who we are. And that you knew you were not in danger,” Tenya responded.
Shouto just nodded in understanding as he tucked his head into Izuku’s shoulder. His head hurt so bad. Izuku brought his fingers up to run through Shouto’s long hair trying to relax him. “I think we might need to take the day off”, Izuku said softly before kissing him softly on the head.
Shouto whined softly, he didn’t want that. Even if he had to stay home Tenya and Izuku shouldn’t have to. He was an adult, he should be able to handle his own stupid bad days on his own. “No, you two go. I don’t think it’s safe for me to go. But really I will be fine”.
Tenya and Izuku both exchanged a look, “Shou are you sure?” Tenya asked.
Was he really sure? No, no he wasn’t. But what was the worst that could happen. He could accidentally burn down the apartment, yeah that would be bad. But that probably wouldn’t happen. Plus there are people out there who needed to be helped, and he shouldn’t be getting in the way of that. “Yeah.. yeah, I am sure.”
After that Izuku and Tenya continued on with their normal morning routine while Shouto decided to go back to bed and try to get some sleep. The two of them both kept giving nervous glances to their partner, but decided they were going to trust him. If he said he would be able to handle a bad day on his own then he could handle a bad day on his own. They were about to walk about the door until Tenya quickly walked back to their room.
“Shou?” He whispered.
“Yeah?” He said as he lifted his head up from the pillow.
“If you need anything please call either Izuku or my cell phone or the office phone. Unless we are currently busy one of us will answer okay? Please promise me that?” He asked softly.
“Yeah, I will, but I should be fine Tenya”
“I know, I just worry..”
“Is everything okay?” Izuku asked, peeking in the door.
“Yes, I just wanted to make sure he knew he could call if he needed us” Tenya said turning to Izuku, “But anyways, I love you Shou” He added before he bent down to give him a kiss.
“I love you too Shou!” Izuku called from by the door.
“I love you both, but I am really tired,” Shouto said with a tiny exhausted laugh before he flopped his head back down on the pillow.
--
He was on the cold ground looking up at his father as sweat dripped from forehead falling into his eyes and sticking his hair to his forehead. His legs and arms ached. He tried desperately to force himself to stand back up to continue training but he couldn’t.
“Dad.. I-I’m sorry- I can’t get up I can’t do anymore” He said softly, terrified of what would happen next.
“Get up!” His father said loudly, stomping closer.
“I-I can’t”, He said as tears fell from his eyes and he still tried to stand up.
“Heroes don't cry” He said as he picked him by the shoulders and forced him to stand on wobbly legs.
“I-I’m sorry, I will do better, please don’t hurt me” He said. But his pleads did no good and his father smacked him on the face causing him to fall back down to the ground hitting his head on the concrete floor.
- -
He quickly shot up, coming back to consciousness. He felt like there was a bubble in his throat stopping him from getting the air through. He let out a sob and looked around. He was at his home, in their bed, he was safe. But he was a bit confused as to why it was just him and the cats on the bed. Where were Izuku and Tenya? Oh yeah, they left. They abandoned him. They were never coming back. No, he told them to go. They didn’t leave him.
He still felt the anxiety go through him. He needed to do something with his hands. He brought his hands up to his face and started to scratch at the skin near his scar. No, he needed to stop that. He finally got the last scratches he created to heal. What could he fidget with instead? He looked around the room. Usually Tenya kept his stim toys on the bedside table, but he didn’t see any. He then looked over and saw Chibi laying next to him. Perfect. He lightly ran his fingers through her fur. He did that for a few minutes, slowly calming himself down. Everything was fine.
He still felt a bit anxious, but not as bad. He picked up his phone off the charger and took note that it was already 2:00 pm. That probably meant he should try to get up and at least eat something, even though he still felt a bit nauseous.
He reluctantly pulled himself out of bed and went to the kitchen. As soon as he opened the fridge all the cats started to circle around him meowing. He looked at the and smiled before he bent down to pet them
“Did Izuku and Tenya not feed you guys?” He asked them. He knew they most likely had, and the cats were just being their normal sleeves and begging for food, but after the morning they had it also wouldn’t surprise him if they hadn’t. And he didn’t want to be the reason the cats didn’t get food. “Okay, okay, fine, I will get you all some food”, He said before grabbing some cans of cat food from the fridge and putting it in their respective bowls. Okay and now to find food for himself.
He looked through the fridge, but really couldn’t find anything. They were supposed to go shopping on their day off tomorrow and none of them were exactly expecting to have to eat at home today so they didn’t exactly have lunch foods. He let out a huff and shut the fridge before looking through the cabinets. Not much there either, just some instant ramen. But making that required him to use the kettle.. Probably not a good idea today. He bit his lip anxiously, trying to decide what was best. Izuku and Tenya would be worried if he didn’t eat anything all day, especially after he got sick earlier, and he really wasn’t about to lie to them. Okay, he was going to do it. He was going to be fine.
He started to put the ramen into a bowl and filled the kettle with water and sat it down on the stove to heat up. He was going to be fine, he just had to not let the whistle of the kettle catch him guard. He just had to sit there and watch it.
Then he heard a sudden ringing, that caused him to jump and for his breath to slightly get caught in his throat. He looked to where he heard the sound and saw his phone sitting on the counter. He let out a small laugh at himself before he picked up his phone to see who was calling him. It was Izuku, he smiled softly before answering.
“Hey”, Shouto said softly, still keeping his eye on the kettle.
“Hey, how have you been doing baby?” Izuku said into the phone. Shouto could hardly hear him with all the background noise.
“I’m alright currently, just making some lunch..”
“Oh,, okay that’s good. So you are feeling better?”
“Eh, I’m still not feeling great.. But better than I was but…oh did you forget to feed the cats?”
“Uhhh.. hold on” he heard the phone move then a muffled “Tenya did you feed the cats?” and some kind of muffled response before Izuku became clear again, “No Tenya fed them”.
Shouto laughed a little bit, “Of course, They basically wanted me to think they were starving so I guess they got a second breakfast”.
He heard Izuku laugh, “Sounds like something they would do” Izuku kept talking but Shouto didn’t hear him because of course he got distracted and there was the whistle of the kettle. He flinched back and rammed himself into the chair. He felt like he needed to run and hide. But he knew he shouldn’t. He is fine. Just focus on breathing. He is okay.
“Shit” He breathed out shakily as he realized he dropped the phone. He took a deep breath and shakily picked up his phone, “Sorry, are you still there?”
“Yeah, are you okay? What happened? Do we need to come home?” He heard Izuku say and he also heard Tenya saying something in the background.
“No, Really I’m fine, It was just the- shit” He forgot about the kettle he ran over to the stove as the water boiled over out of the spout. He wasn’t thinking and quickly grabbed it to get it off the stove top, burning his hand in the process. Fuck, no that was too much. He can’t do this.
-
“Shouto? Shouto? Are you okay?” Izuku said into the phone but the only response he got was sobs. “Shouto?”
He looked over at Tenya, “I-I really think we should go home, he isn’t answering me and I don’t know what was wrong and something is wrong Tenya” he said with panic clear in his voice.
“Okay, I will call Tensei, But try to remain as calm as possible, it does no good for both of you to be panicking,” Tenya responded.
Izuku nodded Still calling Shouto’s name into the phone but getting no response, as Tenya called Tensei to explain the situation.
Five minutes later they rushed through the door of their apartment to find Shouto sobbing on the kitchen floor holding his hand protectively up to his chest, while the burner was still on with a kettle boiling over.
“Hey, Shou?” Izuku said, approaching slowly. Shouto looked up at him with big watery eyes.
“Izu?” He asked pitfully.
“Yeah, honey it’s me, are you okay?” He said walking closer.
-
Was he okay? No not really. He was terrified and it hurt. He shook his head no and then curled in on himself as he heard another set of footsteps enter the kitchen and heard knobs on the stove being turned.
“What happened?” He heard tenya say.
“It burns”, was all he knew to say.
“What burns sweetie?” Izuku asked as he bent down in front of him, still leaving space between them.
Shouto extended his hand to him softly, as Tenya and Izuku finally saw the burn.
“Oh Shouto”, Tenya said sympathetically before he also bent down near him, “Can I touch?”
Shouto was a little reluctant, but knew if he could trust anyone it was the two people in front of him. He nodded his head yes and Tenya softly took his hand. It hurt a little bit and he started to flinch away but Tenya held his grip, which made panic rise in him.
“Let me go!” He yelled quickly pulling himself away.
Tenya looked at him a bit shocked but then regained his composure, “Shou, I am sorry. Can I see your hand again, if I promise to let go if you need me to? We really need to get it taken care of”.
Shouto took a deep breath before holding his hand back out again, “s-sorry”.
“You don’t need to apologize” Tenya said as he examined the hand, “Okay, Izuku can you get the first aid kit?” Izuku quickly nodded before getting up and presumably heading to the bathroom, “Shou, will get up so we can go wash it off with some cold water?”
Shouto nodded and quickly got up and followed Tenya to the kitchen sink. “Okay, Shou, it might burn a little bit but we need to try to cool down the burn a bit okay?”
“O-okay” He said before he let Tenya guide his hand under the water. Tenya wasn’t lying, it did burn a bit, but he had been through much worse. After a minute or so Tenya turned the water off and grabbed a clean cloth.
“I’m going to dry it now okay?” He said, making sure he was walking Shouto through every step, Shouto nodded and basically just let Tenya take control of the situation. Tenya lightly dabbed the cloth on his hand as Izuku brought the first aid kit in. “Thank you, Izuku”, Tenya said as he rummaged through the first aid kit finding gauze and ointment. He continued to talk Shouto through the steps as he put the ointment on and wrapped up his hand.
“You okay now Shou”, Izuku asked from where he was standing next to him.
“Yeah, I’m okay, today just.. Really isn’t my day I guess” He said sadly. He was some weird mixture of sad, and mad, and scared, and frustrated. He hated feeling like this.
“You were trying to make yourself lunch when you burnt yourself correct?” Tenya asked as he put the supplies away.
“Yeah”
“Okay” Tenya sighed, “so why don’t we get some food, possibly soba, delivered and we can cuddle on the couch? Does that sound okay”.
“Yeah, I think that would be good, don’t you shou?” Izuku added.
“Yeah..” He said a bit reluctantly. He still wasn’t feeling great, but maybe spending some time with his partners would help.
About a half an hour later the food finally arrived and the three snuggled up on the couch. Tenya and Izuku actually sat on the couch properly while Shouto sat on Tenya’s lap while they flipped through the channels trying to figure out what to watch. Shouto was still anxious and he knew there was still a chance there would be another mishap that day, but at least for the first time that day there was a moment of peace.