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Shouto always had a hard time regulating his emotions. If you were to just briefly meet him, or if you weren’t extremely close to him, you most likely wouldn’t think this. Most people assumed he was just a super chill guy (pun intended) who didn’t express a lot of emotion. And he could very much understand why people would think that. When it came to people he didn’t know well or didn’t feel comfortable with he tried to stay as mellow and show as little emotion as possible, which honestly made him more frustrated and uncomfortable.
Because of this on some days when he and his partners got home he had so many explosive emotions he assumed that it must be how Bakugou feels most of the time. And he hated this! He hated being angry, he hated being sad, he hated being anxious. But really weren't those really the only emotions he felt most of his life. Does he even know what happiness feels like? Yes, he did, he knows now what happiness is, and he knows this, he knows how to be happy. But that didn’t matter, because he wasn’t happy now, and in that moment he couldn’t imagine a time he would be happy again.
Okay, what caused him to feel this way? Things didn’t go right. God he was such a fucking baby, he freaks out when things don’t go as planned.
Today was supposed to be their day. The three of them were supposed to have the day off. But of course that didn’t happen. Nothing good ever goes as planned. At about six am he heard the sound of Izuku’s phone ringing and a bit of panic set in for him as Izuku answered it. The only people who would be calling him at this time in the morning is the agency he works for. Shit! Please no, please don’t ruin their day!
“But.. I.. today was supposed to be my first day off in months..”, He heard Izuku say. No, just say no please, please. “Uhhh… I….I guess I can if you really can’t find anyone to cover for him”, NO, this is not how it was supposed to go. Shouto felt the tears prick in his eyes. Why was he crying? This is not something he should be crying about.
“Are you going to have to go in today” He heard Tenya ask with a mix of tiredness and sadness, as he sat up.
“I,, ugh.. Yeah I do.. I’m so sorry.. Another sidekick had to cancel their shift.. And ugh I’m so sorry” He said obviously not thrilled with the turn of events. “Shou, are you awake?” He asked as he slightly nudged him, most likely to make sure he knew about the horrible news. Shouto tried to stop his stupid emtions and to stop any tears, but he knew he couldn’t do that. He can’t just be a normal person who feels a normal amount of emotions.
So he settled for just saying a pitiful “Yeah”, hoping that neither of his boyfriends would notice his stupid dumb tears.
“Are you alright Shou?” Tenya asked, obviously concerned. Shit!
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. It’s okay, I’m just tired”.
“I.. Shou.. you seem upset” Izuku said with the same concern Iida had in his voice.
“I’m fine” He said as he curled himself into a little ball as if that didn’t make his emotions super obvious.
“Are you upset with us?” Tenya asked
“No.. I just..” He tried to form his feelings, but it was too hard, and he didn’t want to make Izuku feel bad. “I’m just a little sad we can’t spend the day together but it’s okay, I understand I promise”
He looked up from where he had his face stuffed into his pillow concerned by the fact that no one way saying anything to see Tenya and Izuku sharing a look he couldn’t quite place the meaning behind.
“I..I’m sorry Shou, do you want me to call back and see if they can find anyone else?” Izuku asked, obviously feeling bad.
Shouto sat up fully, “no, really it’s okay, I understand, hero work doesn’t exactly have a predictable schedule” he said softly pulling his knees up to his chest. Tenya and Izuku shared the same look that Shouto still couldn’t place.. ugh he wish he knew what they were feeling.. were they annoyed with him?
“Okay, I better start getting ready then” Izuku said obviously reluctant but he still got out of bed.
Tenya then gave Shouto a soft look, “how about we try to go back to sleep? Does that sound alright?” He asked.
Shouto thought on that, he might feel better after having more sleep. Being tired always made him an emotional mess. “Yeah, yeah let’s do that” he said as laid back down and Tenya did the same and put his arm around him pulling Shouto a little bit closer to him.
—
When Shouto woke back up Tenya was nowhere to be seen, in his place was their cat, that was happily sleeping cuddled up next to him. He looked around the room, still a little bit sad from earlier. He grabbed his phone off the nightstand and saw a message from Tenya ‘I had to grab something from the store, I’ll be back soon x’
Great, now he was completely alone.. well besides his cat. He pulled off the covers and automatically regretted it, noticing how cold it was. Well it was the middle of December so it made sense. He quickly grabbed one of Tenya’s sweatshirts out of the drawers. He loved to wear Tenya’s sweatshirts and sweaters. They were always so big and comfy and they smelled like him, it always just seemed to make him more calm.
He then walked out into the living room but took his blanket with him. Gosh it was so damn cold, he hated it. He then sat down on the couch and turned on the tv. As soon as he turned on the tv there were people yelling on the screen, it took him by surprise and he couldn’t change the channel or even comprehend what the show was. because as soon as he heard the yelling one of the cats jumped on him and he flinched moving as far back as the couch would let him as he covered his face as images of his dad from his childhood filled his head.
The next thing he knew Tenya was home. He heard the door open and then close again, but it all still felt so far away.. “Hey Shou” Tenya said happily until his voice changed to concern “shouto, hey you’re okay, you’re safe”
“No, no” was all Shouto could get out as tears fell down his cheeks and he hid his face in his hands as his knees stayed pressed against his chest.
Tenya stepped closer which caused Shouto to flench back and Tenya stopped immediately. “Okay, I won’t come any closer, but it’s okay Shouto, it’s me, it’s Tenya. You’re safe. I won’t hurt you.”
Shouto stayed in the same position not saying anything, still scared. Everything still felt so far away, he hated this because he was somewhat aware but still nothing felt right.
After getting no response Tenya chewed on his lip nervously not sure what the best thing to do next was, “Shouto, it’s Tenya. No one is going to hurt you, I’m going to step a little closer to you is that okay?”
Okay, okay, he’s safe, that’s Tenya he won’t hurt him, he’s safe. Shouto nodded his head and walked closer, “can I sit with you” Shouto nodded again and iida sat down next to him, still keeping distance in case Shouto didn’t feel safe. But the space wasn’t there long as Shouto latched himself onto Tenya as he cried into his shoulder.
Today just really wasn’t his day.
—
After that things seemed to calm down a little bit, he still stayed close to Tenya though as he knew he still wasn’t his normal self.
They were currently both sitting on the couch as Tenya had a protective arm around him with Shouto leaning against him, as the tv played softly in the background.
“Do you want some tea?” Tenya asked him barely above a whisper. Shouto nodded his head and Tenya headed towards the kitchen. As soon as he disappeared into the kitchen Shouto heard the sound of Tenya’s phone ringing.
“Hello, are you coming home soon?” He heard him ask. He was most likely talking to Izuku. “Really Izuku? What the hell are they having you do. It’s already four o’clock, I just” he heard him stop and let out a frustrated sigh. “I understand but, Is there any way you can be home sooner?” Then he lowered his voice in what Shouto assumed was an attempt to stop him from hearing him, “Shouto is not having a great day, and I believe that it would be helpful if we were both here..”
God they were talking about him. He just makes everything harder for them. He got up and started to walk towards the kitchen to also be part of the conversation. To tell them it's fine and not to worry about him, There is no reason for any of this to be a big deal. He will be fine.
“Yes, I know, I know”, Tenya said into the phone, “Izuku, I know that, I’m just a bit upset, not at you, but you were supposed to have the day off and now you’re not going to be home for three more hours..” Oh no Tenya was upset. It’s his fault. Then the kettle whistled, something that always gave him a bit of anxiety. He was always embarrassed by that fact, he is working at becoming a pro hero and he gets scared by a kettle? Why did he have to be like this, that was almost twenty years ago, he just wished he could get over that anxiety. But sadly he has not.
When he heard the noise he jumped back hitting his head against the shelf behind him. This then caused the mugs on the shelf to fall as he fell to the ground and brought his knees up to his chest. Gosh he has been in this position too much today.
“Oh, shit, Izuku.. I’ll call you.. No, not really but he’ll be fine just.. I’ll call you back okay? Okay love you too”, Iida said as he quickly took the kettle of the burner and crouched beside Shouto with a sympathetic look on his face. “Are you alright, hun?”
What the hell! What the hell! Today was supposed to be a good day and this is what it turned into? Shouto couldn't tell if he was about to scream or cry. It ended up being the latter as tears quickly fell from his eyes. “Shouto? You're okay, you’re safe.”
“I know” He said through sobs as he hit his fist against the floor in frustration, “I know, I’m safe, I’m fine.. But I don’t feel fine”
“Okay, that’s okay, do you know what you are feeling?”
“Yes, frustrated”.
“Do you know why?”
He thought for a second. Okay, what caused him to feel this way? Things didn’t go right. God he was such a fucking baby, he freaks out when things don’t go as planned. “I- today wasn’t supposed to go like this.. It was supposed to be the three of us staying home, but of course that didn’t work. Then my emotions got in the way, and they kept getting in the way, and I’m so weak. I can’t even hear a fucking kettle without breaking down, and I am a burden to you and Izuku.. And now you are mad at him because of me.. And I just.. today wasn’t supposed to be like this.”
Tenya stared at him blankly for a second, Shouto assumed he was probably trying to figure out what to say. “First of all, I am not mad at Izuku, I am mad at his agency for never giving him a break and I would be frustrated by this fact no matter what. Second of all. You are not weak nor are you a burden. It is perfectly okay for you to have moments, or even days like this, its understandable, both Izuku and I understand and deal with things similar ourselves. You never think we are a burden correct? Then why would you be a burden to us?”
Shouto felt better by his words, but he was still so frustrated. Why was he still frustrated? What does he say to any of that? “Thanks, I just, I’m still frustrated”
“Okay, that's okay, do you want to be alone?”
“No, please no”
“Okay, I won’t leave. I just thought it might help to have some time to think. What can I do to help?”
“I don’t know, I..”
Just then Izuku rushed in through the door panting heavily. It was obvious he had run there. “Izu? What are you doing here, I thought you had to work longer” Tenya said, confused.
“I told them I had to leave early, I’m sorry about today, I’m really sorry” Izuku said, crouching down to be at the same level as Tenya and Shouto. “You okay Shou?”
“I don’t know”
“He’s frustrated”
“Oh.. well is there anything we can do to help?”
“I.. don’t know” Shouto said, still frustrated but happy that they all were there, “could we maybe just all watch a movie or something and cook dinner together”?
Izuku and Tenya looked at each other as a small smile formed on both of their faces, “Yeah, I think we can manage that” Tenya said before standing up and offering a hand to Shouto .