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The sound of the rolling tide should have been soothing and peaceful, but there was nothing calming nor serene about the pulsating throb in Scott’s head. His hands were gripping at his forehead struggling to still the invisible imps that had taken residence beneath his temples in that part of his brain where logic and reason once reigned supreme. Now they were continuously picking away at his insides with phantom icepicks generating one of the worst headaches known to man in his overwhelming mortification.
“Another beer Slim?” Logan questioned from across the bonfire reaching out to offer an olive branch to his companion after Scott’s drunken actions had landed him outside of Emma’s special day gawking like an idiot at the one woman that he left slip away.
“Ugh, no more drinking for me,” Scott groaned outwardly. He twisted on the oversized rock he’d been seated on, taking in the crisp, cool night air beyond the illumination of the cracking bonfire that sparked and popped before him.
With each rising flame, his eyes followed the stray embers that fell off to blackened dust wondering what in the hell had compelled him to think that attempting to crash Emma and Tony Stark’s wedding had been an inspired idea. Had he been sober and thinking rationally, he would’ve stayed away, but in his drunken haze, he’d allowed Logan to cajole him into making one last bold attempt at appealing to Emma, but ultimately in seeing her happy in her new life, he’d resigned himself to the fact that it was over. He was too late. He’d hesitated just a moment too long and now she was undoubtedly Mrs. Anthony Stark living the live that she’d always hoped for.
“Chin up Slim. It’s not that bad,” Logan held the beer out towards him once again in a weak attempt at drawing Scott out of the endless self-loathing he’d been lost in for the last few hours.
“I think I did more than enough drinking for a lifetime today,” Scott placed his hand over his abdomen, struggling to quell the rush of nausea that carried over him. Initially he’d believed that his head had been the worst of it, but his pride had left him feeling foolish and pathetic at how poorly he’d handled himself at the church stalking Emma from the shadows.
“Suit yourself,” Logan shrugged his shoulders. He raised his own bottle to his lips taking a long, hearty sip when Scott recoiled with pain over his string of bad decisions over the last twenty four hours, “I think I’ve got some aspirin over there in the bag by the cooler too if you are interested.”
“I’m ready for the whole bottle,” Scott decided squirming off the rock to plop down onto the oversized beach blanket that Logan had positioned on the sand hours earlier when Scott’s woes had gotten the best of him. In his drunken haze he’d talked Logan’s ear off about his mistakes and series of bad choices he’d made over the last few years with Emma and the world around him until it was too late. Emma had more than enough of his indecision and moved on whereas Scott was…well, he wasn’t quite sure where he was after he and Logan had ended up on the beach with one another, but Logan hadn’t seemed to mind.
“You know what your problem is Slim?” Logan questioned in between swallows of the beer he’d been indulging in.
“No Logan,” Scott’s voice was laced with sarcasm, “enlighten me. What is my problem?”
“For starters you spend an awful lot of time being an upright prick over things that are beyond your control,” Logan tossed out flippantly in between swallows of his lukewarm beer, “Not to mention you’ve got terrible taste in fashion. The last time you had any sense of style was when you were with Emma and she was dressing you.”
“Not helping,” Scott growled shuffling through Logan’s bag to discover the aspirin that Logan had promised him. He twisted the top off and dumped a handful into his palm preparing to swallow it all down when Logan reached out to grip at his wrist.
“Easy Slim,” Logan’s thick fingers gripped at Scott’s arm preventing him from giving in to carelessness in his anguish, “Let’s not lose our head about things, shall we?”
“I think it’s a little too late for that,” Scott sighed grudgingly putting the pills back into the bottle except for the proper dosage he prepared to take. Looking around the blanket, Scott found himself met by an array of beer before him and he frowned.
“Try this,” Logan suggested offering Scott a chilled bottle of water. Unable to mask his surprise, Scott grudgingly reached for it before angling his head to glance over at his companion with curiosity.
“When did you pick this up?” Scott couldn’t help, but question.
“Back when you were spying on Emma,” Logan shrugged leaning back into position against another oversized rock formation on the smooth, nearly empty white sand beach that surrounded them, “You were there for a while, so I figured I’d hit up the party store for a refill on the beer and…well, something to chase it with.”
“I wasn’t spying on Emma,” Scott opened his mouth to protest, to justify his actions before he reluctantly slumped down with a huff, “I was just…”
“A little too late,” Logan finished knowingly, “and I get that Slim. I’ve been there. It sucks and I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone…even you.”
“Yeah, well it isn’t about me,” Scott huffed remembering the way that Emma appeared inside the room dressed in a beautiful gown and looking happier than she’d ever been with him. It was everything she’d ever wanted, yet Scott couldn’t quite shake the feeling that it should’ve been different. If he would’ve played his cards right, then it could’ve been him. It could’ve been their special day, but instead Emma was going out on a limb and marrying the one man who could give her the world in ways that he had simply been unable to.
“Tony’s not really that bad,” Logan blurted out the man’s name taking Scott from his thoughts of self-loathing long enough to snarl at his optimistic companion, “I mean yeah sure, you and Emma were good together for a while, but things become different.”
“I’m aware,” Scott scoffed.
“Even so you have to face the fact that life changes Slim,” Logan paused with heavy emphasis behind his words, “and Tony, well, from what I’ve seen he cares for her Slim. He makes her happy in ways that I haven’t seen her happy about in years.”
“How would you know?” Scott snapped back at him.
“Because she told me Slim,” Logan pointed out setting his beer bottle down on the ground beside him, “and she’s been trying to tell you that too, but you’ve been too caught up in everything else to really listen to her.”
“Tony Stark doesn’t care about anything, but himself. As far as I’m concerned…” Scott opened his mouth to argue when jealousy consumed him.
“…it isn’t your place to intervene,” Logan finished knowingly, “You made your decision when you walked away from her and now you have to honor her wishes. She deserves to be happy Slim and doing this isn’t going to make it any easier for either of you.”
“I know,” Scott resigned himself to that truth. It was the one thing that caused him to hold back—to refrain from stepping in on the wedding ceremony and destroying Emma’s dream wedding, “It’s just…”
“Emma was good for you. I don’t deny that,” Logan conceded reaching for his beer again, “Yeah, in a way I think she was good for all of us, but she needs something more, Slim. This life…the way things have been…it wasn’t making her happy.”
“No, I suppose it wasn’t,” Scott conceded losing himself to the memory of the life that he’d pissed away when everything spiraled out of control for him.
“She was miserable Slim. it was time for change in her life,” Logan continued in a somber tone, “She needed something more to hold onto than the memory of what might have been.”
“I realize that,” Scott noted knowing in his heart that his companion hadn’t been wrong, “Still we had so many great times and memories that…”
“You will undoubtedly cherish forever. Face it, you both needed to find one another to evolve and grow,” Logan offered up moving in closer to take a seat beside Scott. He gently patted Scott’s leg, offering up a supportive squeeze before speaking up again, “but in growing you have to learn that there’s a time in all things to move on.”
“It’s not that easy Logan,” Scott sighed angling his head to observe his companion drinking his beer with casual ease, “You know it’s not that easy to let go of someone once they’ve made an impact in your life.”
“Believe me I’m aware,” Logan scoffed with a hint of remorse in his tone. There was something in the expression on his face, in his eyes when he glanced over at Scott with empathy carrying over his features, “The hardest thing in life is loving someone from afar and knowing that they’ll never love you back.”
“I loved Emma,” Scott argued with him.
“Not enough,” Logan reminded him simply, “It was never enough. It wasn’t what she needed.”
“And Tony Stark is?” Scott leaned in closer to Logan challenging his companion’s theory.
“Maybe,” Logan shrugged, “maybe not, but what I do know is that you blew your chance with her.”
“It sucks,” Scott’s shoulders slumped down with disappointment.
“Of course, it sucks,” Logan laughed ironically, “There’s nothing worse in the world than seeing that you lost your shot at happiness all because you were foolish and kept holding on to something that was never meant to be.”
“Logan…” Scott opened his mouth to say something more but found himself at a loss.
“Plus,” Logan looked away from Scott returning his focus once again to his beer, “You’ve got Jeanie waiting for you. I mean that’s what counts right.”
“If you say so,” Scott remarked glibly.
“Come on Slim,” Logan poked him in the ribs again, “She’s blown up your phone most of the day undoubtedly looking for you.”
“I don’t know what to say to her,” Scott admitted feeling the weight of his guilt hang over him in knowing that Jean was anticipating something more from him, “I wasn’t exactly concerned about her feelings when I walked out the other night.”
“The writing has been on the wall for a while Slim,” Logan pointed out with a frown. His hand squeezed over Scott’s knee once again as they sat beside one another in the confined space, “You’re going to have to be honest with her sooner or later about how you feel.”
“I was, which is probably why she’s been calling me, but what do I say? How do I tell her that I’m not the same man that she married all those years ago?” Scott questioned shifting on the ground to face Logan fully, “How do I tell her that when she was gone that I became someone else—someone who needed something more than what we had? How can I tell her that what was once everything is no longer enough?”
“Knowing that you feel that way how can you not tell her the truth?” Logan countered leaning in closer to him. Brazenly Logan reached out to touch the side of Scott’s face, coaxing Scott to gaze up at him behind his ruby quartz glasses, “Though really Slim, I don’t think talking with Jeanie is your real problem here.”
“Ah, yes that’s right,” Scott forced a dry laugh when Logan’s fingers spread out over his cheek in a tender sweep. It felt oddly soothing as he instinctively leaned in closer to his companion, “You were going to enlighten me about what is wrong with me. I’m down and out, so why not roll with it and kick me while I’m down in the dirt?”
“Is that what you think I’m doing?” Logan arched a curious brow. He frowned withdrawing his hand from the side of Scott’s face before sitting up straighter, “Beating you while you are down?”
“I mean you must be gloating about some of this,” Scott bitterly lashed out at his companion, “You’ve been telling me for years that the way I am is going to cost me and today it did. I lost the one woman who saw my darkness and light and didn’t care how fucked up I was.”
“She isn’t the only one who feels that way Slim,” Logan’s lips curved downward in the beginnings of a frown, “She’s not the only one who knows that you’re a pain in the ass or that you are terrible at displaying your emotions and admitting when you’re wrong.”
“Again, you’re not helping,” Scott scoffed watching Logan lean back to place a significant distance between them on the blanket.
“She’s seen you at your worst Slim, but she’s not the only one,” Logan cautioned when something flashed behind his eyes revealing a depth to their conversation that Scott hadn’t considered before that moment with Logan’s wounded expression.
“Maybe not, but she was there for me so many times and…” Scott stammered struggling to find the right words.
“So have I, Slim,” Logan reminded him simply, “I know what it is like to stand helpless and watch you fall all because you think you know what is best for everyone else, but yourself. I know how it felt for her to see you with someone else—someone who hasn’t been right for you in years, but all she could do is stand there and pretend to support what you’re doing. I happen to have a good idea of how awful it feels in having your heart ripped out of your chest and knowing that there’s nothing you can do to stop what’s happening when the person you love is on self-destruct mode offering himself to all the wrong people because he’s holding on to a dream he had when he was sixteen years old.”
“Logan I…”
“I have news for you Scott. You aren’t sixteen anymore and Jeanie sure as hell isn’t the girl you fell in love with back then,” Logan scoffed bluntly.
“I know that,” Scott replied swallowing down hard when the weight of Logan’s words hit him hard, “I’m well-aware of the fact that it’s over with her and I, but…”
“But you’d rather hold onto your mistakes and let them destroy you because you have been too stupid to see what’s in front of you for years. All this time you spent pining away for what you lost blinded you to what you truly have in your life,” Logan declared in a frustrated tone, “I’m not denying that Jeanie didn’t serve her purpose in your life or that Emma was a perfect match for you, but you have to let it go. It’s over. They’re gone.”
“I know that Logan, but…”
“But nothing,” Logan reached out to touch the side of Scott’s face, coaxing Scott to look up at him when suddenly everything felt different against the bonfire. The shadows from the flames licked over Logan’s tense features, bringing to light the undeniable intensity that Logan brought to every situation he’d placed himself into. It was always there bristling beneath the surface, but now as Scott looked onto his companion taking in his words, he found that the mood had shifted between them, “I’m still here Slim. I may have left for a while, but I was never really gone. I’ve always been right here waiting for you to open your eyes and see things as they really are.”
“Logan, what are you…?” Scott began preparing to question his companion when everything changed.
“For being so damned strategic you are an idiot when it comes to realizing what you mean to the world around you,” Logan announced with a frustrated breath. Without warning he threw his hands in the air, shaking his head as he stood upright and glared down at his companion, “Emma was right. You’ll never learn.”
“Logan,” Scott frowned watching his companion stalk off across the beach preparing to leave Scott to his own damning thoughts.
The winds picked up, the water came crashing in harder than before offering up a thunderous roar of the night clouds upon them preparing to extinguish the flames of the bonfire. Surrounded by the soft sounds Scott thought about all the things leading up to his failed attempt at stopping Emma’s wedding. The previous day he’d been wired, far too uptight and caught up in his own head until Logan had suggested that they go out drinking with one another. He’d readily accepted and after a few drinks, Scott had started running his mouth about his mistakes, about his troubled love life to which Logan had grudgingly agreed, but then somehow in the midst of that he and Logan had wound up on the dance floor with one another. They’d been holding onto one another a little too close for comfort maybe enjoying the moment a little bit more than Scott had determined they were meant to. With that realization, Scott’s thoughts had turned to Emma—to stopping the wedding, but what he hadn’t been prepared for was the way that being in Logan’s arms had made him feel.
“What is it you were expecting?” Logan had questioned after Scott had failed to prevent Emma’s wedding from happening. Instead of chastising him at the time, Logan had merely offered Scott a shoulder and a place away from the rest of the world to collect his thoughts.
Now as Scott sat alone on the blanket, the things that he hadn’t taken the time to consider were painfully clear. Tilting his head to look up at the sky, Scott found himself taking in the first damp droplets of rain that came down upon him serving as a reminder of what it would mean to let go. It was time to stop living in the past, dreaming about a life that had long since moved on beyond where he was now. He wasn’t the same man he’d been with Jean or Emma. Time had changed him and in doing so, it had transformed him into something that on most days he barely recognized.
In the past when he was lost, he’d found himself reaching for the one man who’d brought him to this place—to the person at his side who’d always been just a little bit more than a rival, yet closer than a friend. There was something in their exchanges through the years that they’d never set to put a label on with each other. Emma had once called it an addiction of sorts when she’d called him out on his thoughts, but he’d long since put them to rest once Logan had started hating him.
Yet the man you think hates you is the one who is here with you now when you’re miserable and alone, a voice in Scott’s head reminded him.
He glanced across the beach watching as Logan discarded his empty beer bottle in the wire mesh trash can set up a few feet from where Logan was standing. With the storm on the horizon, Logan seemed untouched by it, but in the moonlight watching the way that Logan stalked away, Scott found himself met by a new sensation that prompted him to get up off of the ground and dust himself off.
His heart was racing, his mind spiraling out of control wondering if this was a mistake. If it were any other day, then he would’ve convinced himself to keep away. He would’ve walked away from this place, from the idea of anything as foolish as this. If only he hadn’t let his heart overrule his head, then perhaps he would’ve planned it better. Perhaps he would’ve found a more articulate way to reach out to his angry companion.
“What do you want Slim?” Logan questioned with a snarl. His face was a mask of tension and rage, caught up in the way that Scott had stolen his time away from him. Instead of being met with relief, Logan was a picture of rage standing before Scott looking less like the man that he’d leaned on for support through the years. He was a man broken by circumstance, frustrated by the time that had been wasted between them on petty bullshit and bad decisions. Dejectedly he was standing before Scott looking raw and vulnerable as if he was seeking shelter from the impending storm that surrounded them, “Well?”
“You,” Scott announced brazenly stepping forward to surround Logan in his embrace. He leaned down to claim his companion’s lips in a desperate, aching kiss. He hadn’t thought about doing it at the time, but something about the idea of facing a life without Logan again sent him into an uproar causing him to hold on tighter when the truth had been painfully clear to Scott. All the things he’d done and said through the years had been leading to this point, to this moment with Logan against him, holding him in a warm embrace holding nothing back in a wild, explicit kiss meant to convey the things they’d never said to one another until that point in time. As their lips parted, Scott found himself searching for the right words, but when he felt Logan trembling beside him, he knew that they’d found their way to the one thing that they’d both avoided for so very long.
“Slim?” Logan’s breath came out in uneven gasps as they parted again. His arms surrounded Scott, his body damp and warm all at once as the storm picked up around them. He held Scott in against his chest speaking up again with a shakiness in his tone, “What did you say?”
“I want you Logan,” Scott clarified allowing the words to fall freely from his lips, “I know that I should’ve said it sooner, but it’s true Logan. I don’t know what I’d do without you in my life. I faced that once and I don’t want to do it again especially now when everything inside of me is saying that this isn’t wrong.”
“If that’s true, then you’d better pull your head out of your ass and start finding a way to convince me of that,” Logan cautioned keeping his arms around Scott as the winds picked up around them, “because I’m not going to wait forever to mean something in your life. If this is it, then you need to prove to me that you mean it. No more games.”
“No more games,” Scott promised as the rain poured down upon them extinguishing the flames of their bonfire, but with the storm on the horizon Scott vowed to find a way to make things right—to prove himself after he’d made mistake after foolish mistake in his life. Leaning in kiss Logan again, he promised himself that this time he was going to do things the right way. This time he was going to stop thinking about what the world expected out of him and give in to the one thing that he’d simply refused to allow into his life. Love.