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Dan peered over Herbert’s shoulder, intently watching as he filled the needle with the reagent. He took note of how much his hands shook, the way he gripped the bottle with such intensity, the way his eyes darted constantly back and forth between the cadaver and his serum. Herbert ignored him, too deep in thought to even recognize he was nearby. It didn’t take long for him to come back to reality, realizing he would in fact need Dan’s help if he were to revive them.
A weak head tilt on Herbert’s part caught Dan’s attention, and without a word he was at his beck and call, snatching the gun from the adjacent table to them and watching nervously as he prepared to inject the body with the oh-so-familiar serum that never failed to make him nervous.
“Time….uh-..” He began, trailing off as he tried to read his watch. Herbert tapped his foot impatiently, grabbing the cadaver by the back of their neck gently and lifting their head up as he waited for his partner to continue.
“8:12 PM….administering-uh…” Dan trailed off again, “15 ccs...to a-..to a-..” he failed to complete his thoughts.
“A man in perfect condition. No flesh wounds.” Herbert finished for him, clearly annoyed, but he tried his best to not let it get to him, as this was practically his usual demeanor. Was he always this nervous? Herbert seemed to be on the edge of his seat, rolling on his heels and waiting for Dan to catch up to him. He pursed his lips as he prepared to inject the man, his tongue sticking out a tad as his expression grew tenser.
“No tissue damage..” He reiterated, eyes gazing at his lips for a moment too long. He didn’t notice, too caught up in his own thoughts. Dan tried to make up an excuse in his head for why he took so long to dart his eyes away, insulting him in his head. He needs chapstick. Dan thought to himself, and before he could even finish his thought he knew it was a lie. A long moment passed before he spoke again, which didn’t exactly put Herbert at ease.
“Cause of death, heart attack.” Dan finished, which left the air cold and silent. Herbert finally injected the serum, glancing at his watch and counting the seconds it took for any form of re-animation to occur. his gaze moved quickly between his face to his limbs, desperately watching for even a small twitch.
16 seconds passed until he moved, a shiver flew down the man’s spine before he shot up, eyes bloodshot and dark circles digging into his skin. He gripped the morgue table with such determination it was like the metal would snap in half under the pressure. Herbert yelped and flew back a few steps, managing to stutter out the time of re-animation so the recorder in Dan’s hand heard. Dan raised the gun, arms shaking as he tightened his grip to get a decent shot if needed. This was always how it was, and the fact he could keep his grip lined up with the man at all was a miracle. His body seemed to miraculously shut down under any pressure, which Herbert was accustomed to.
He wondered why he trusted him with the gun, of all people. He couldn’t get a good shot if his life depended on it, and it always did. Was it foolishness? Sheer blind trust? He pushed his thoughts back, reassuring himself by saying to himself Herbert is smart. He trusts me. There must be a good reason.
His racing thoughts were cut off by the re-animated man falling off the table and lunging at Herbert, arms raised and a sickly growl erupting from his throat. It was as if Dan was possessed, and the only thing that mattered was keeping his partner safe. He shot him at practically point-blank range, the gunshot echoing through the metal room and back into their ears in an instant. His ears hurt already, but he didn’t even care. He rushed to Herbert, who had fallen back onto the cold tile flooring and was trying to process all that had happened. His hands were shaking, and he couldn’t help but rhythmically shake them in an attempt to calm down. Dan reached for his shoulder, wrapping his fingers along with the loose fabric of his dress shirt and delicately moving his hand back and forth to soothe him.
“Jesus, Herbert...Are you alright?” He questioned, nervously watching his body language change. Did he relax because of me? Or was that just him stimming? Was that me? Am I making things worse? God, I need to snap out of this. Herbert looked up at him, his glasses askew and pressed into his cheekbones.
“It was- It was supposed to work.” He snapped, more an admission of failure than anger. Dan ignored the obvious belittling tone that he had no control over, knowing it wasn’t his fault at the very least. Herbert shakily inhaled, a weak breath releasing from his mouth as he began rambling on about small changes in the serum’s formula, how he worked so hard, and that this was supposed to be a breakthrough. Dan, of course, was not informed of these changes, and now understood why he was so nervous.
“If we had just prepared more, I-” Herbert tried to form his sentences, his brain going too fast for his mouth to be able to catch up.
“Hey, Herb,” Dan began, moving closer to him. He could feel Herbert’s breath on his neck ever so slightly, which made his mind dart all sorts of places he tried to push back. A moment of silence passed as the two looked at each other, and he noticed his partner was no longer shaking, and hell, neither was he.
“We keep working, okay? We’re so close.” Dan reassured, his voice lowering as he spoke. He knew Herbert didn’t like when he yelled, sometimes he just didn’t have any other outlet to express how he felt. The last thing he wanted to do was upset him, and he tried his best to push his own frustration with the serum to the side and prioritize him. Dan shifted the hand on Herb’s shoulder to the base of his neck, his thumb grazing the skin on his neck ever so slightly. He didn’t protest, which was irregular. He was usually so uncomfortable with contact, it made Dan curious what was stopping him from pushing away.
“I just, I don’t-I don’t-” Herbert attempted to speak, his voice weak. “I don’t know what else to do, to be to-be completely frank with you.” He admitted, his gaze lowering to his hands for a moment as the pit in his stomach grew. Dan let out a gentle laugh, unimpressed with him in a way.
“Where’s that ego I know so well?” He tried to joke, smiling ever so slightly at him. It didn’t take long for his lighthearted manner to be met with a glare, to which he rolled his eyes slightly and mumbled an apology.
“Listen, we’ll uh- We’ll figure it out.” He said in a calming tone as Herbert’s expression relaxed. He became aware of how much he said “we” when talking about his discovery, he barely took part in anything. Did it bother him? Did Herbert even find him helpful? Did he notice how much he was staring at his lips, the way he held his neck, the way he was at his beck and call within a moment’s notice? It felt like his entire face was on fire, and he was sure Herbert could notice by now how awfully smitten he looked. Every single repressed thought, every moment overthinking about how he felt about him seemed to pile onto him at once, and he couldn’t process. His partner stared back at him, analyzing the angle of his jaw and the curve of his cheekbones before drifting to his lips and it was as if he couldn’t look away.
Not a word was spoken between the two before Dan fell into Herbert, his free hand wrapping around his waist and gripping the loose-fitting shirt he was wearing, holding onto him with such determination Herbert would have thought there was danger if this was any other situation. The hand on his neck drifted to the back of his head and held him gently, his fingers intertwined with his short hair and they fell in sync. He wrapped his arms around Dan’s neck, gently gripping the base of his neck as they kissed. All of Dan’s worries and all of Herbert’s stress seemed to melt away in an instant as they broke the tension.
Despite the intensity, they were both gentle with each other. Herbert was the one to finally break the kiss, letting out weak, flabbergasted breaths as he tried to understand what had just happened. Dan smiled to himself, his face still bright red and his ear burning hot. Herbert's face was flushed, and compared to the unflattering lights that were always shining down on them both in their basement, it made him look much more human . He looked cute. The partners looked at each other clearly for the first time since they met in that old classroom, with excitement in their eyes.
Suddenly, every little thing Dan had worried about since they arrived in the old morgue couldn’t even make him flinch. After Herbert caught his breath, he leaned in and kissed him gently for a moment before pulling his arms away and looking up at him.
“I didn’t know that you-” Herbert tried to start, clearly surprised by his partner's actions. He smiled, the edges of his mouth upturned as he tried to contain the butterflies in his stomach.
“I didn’t either.” Dan admitted as he cut him off, laughing in disbelief under his breath.
____
As the weeks went on, they attempted to hide their relationship from their employers. The hospital wasn’t exactly a safe space for them to be out, and they couldn’t risk losing their jobs. Exchanging glances turned into running off together on lunch breaks, shoulder touches lingered as long as they could possibly manage, and small kisses were exchanged whenever they got the chance to be alone. Herbert wasn’t a prude, but he hated being affectionate in public. It made him nervous, the idea of being seen by someone at work didn’t thrill him, it made the hair on the back of his neck stand up and the lump in his throat heavier than any weight he’d ever lifted.
Dan, on the other hand, was almost too affectionate. He was the only reason they got suspicious glances from patients passing through, the only reason they were told off by their bosses for being late to their shifts, and yet he was still the only person Herbert could stand to be close to. Instead of late nights spent on opposite sides of the house, they found every single excuse they could to be close to each other. Although Herbert wasn’t good with words, he showed how much he cared for his partner in everyday actions. Herbert found himself in the kitchen, more often than not, studying textbooks and taking notes as Dan cooked for them. He found himself watching garbage horror movies, learning how to make coffee (despite not liking it himself), how to garden even. Some tasks he would take a moment and reflect on, realizing he was just doing it for Dan. He wouldn’t care how to plant tomatoes, he wouldn’t care how long it takes a piece of bacon to cook in a skillet, he wouldn’t care about the temperature of coffee in the morning after a short night’s sleep if it weren’t for him. More often than not, he was thankful for him. Occasionally, he’d be doing something so bafflingly stupid that he realized how much he truly did care for him to be doing something like study in the kitchen despite all the funny little noises that made his brain hurt.
Dan never understood at first why he was always trying to spend time with him. It took a long time for the cogs to turn in his brain before realizing Herbert just wasn’t very good at expressing how he felt. Instead of loving notes on pre-packed lunches, he enjoyed learning about all the little things Dan liked to do, all of his hobbies and interests, even the ones that confused him. His love languages were quality time and gift-giving, and it showed. He only ever said “I love you” once, and that’s all he needed to hear. Even if he didn’t, Dan would love him all the same. Often, he caught himself reminiscing on the one time he did manage to say it, despite how much he insisted that it wasn’t a big deal.
____
Herbert was laying on Dan’s chest, their legs intertwined and Dan’s hand gently placed in his hair like it always seemed to be. With gentle motions, he messed up his fresh haircut offhandedly as he watched Herbert shift to try to get comfortable.
“I just got that cut.” He snapped, a joking and snippy tone to his tired voice. Herbert looked up at him, clearly bothered.
“Too bad.” He joked in reply, ruffling his hair and snickering quietly. Herbert released a deep, deafening sigh, to which Dan just smiled at him. Any effort to intimidate him now was usually met with an unimpressed look or laughter, which always left him even more annoyed. Silence filled the air for a while, each of them just trying to enjoy the presence of the other. Herbert no longer protested when he ran his fingers through his hair, in fact, he quite liked the feeling. It was soothing, in a way.
Not long passed before they were talking about the reagent, a little bickering here and there about progress, a little debating over their next move. The two-dog night was getting to them, all the cold air from outside hitting a little too hard despite efforts to huddle up. After a while, the reagent just seemed unimportant and they just wanted to stay warm. Dan carefully pulled the blankets on their bed across the two of them, using his free arm to pull the small scientist into his chest. The edges of the fluffy blanket scratched Herbert’s ears, and he was clearly stressed about the reagent still despite how distracted he was.
“Do you think, if we upped the-” He tried to question, tapping his hands together softly. Dan scoffed, shoving Herbert’s head into his chest to shut him up before he could finish. He made let out a dramatic yelp and pulled away from him swiftly, but only a moment passed before he put his head back and gently pressed his ear against his chest.
“Your heart’s beating particularly fast..” He noted, closing his eyes after a while, grumbling as Dan put his hands in his hair again.
“....And?” He inquired, biting the inside of his cheek slightly.
“Is something wrong?” He further picked at him, almost voicing concern. It was odd to hear Herbert with such care in his voice for anything other than his work, even after months of being together. (And even before that.)
“Just general nerves, I guess.” He replied, releasing a gentle sigh to hopefully get rid of tension in his chest.
“Oh.” He replied quietly, now more concerned.
“It’s nothing, Herb. I promise.” In an attempt to reassure, he kissed the top of his head and smiled at him.
“ Danny..” He threatened, pulling his head back up and looking at him. The blanket pressed against his face, which he attempted to ignore. With a suspicious look, he tried his best to figure out what was wrong. Herbert was always bad at identifying emotions, but he knew his boyfriend well enough that he thought he could make at least a little sense of how he was feeling. Dan couldn’t help but melt when he used nicknames, his face glowing a bit beyond the cold nipping at his cheeks.
“I just,” He began, his lips pursed ever so slightly and his expression growing more uncomfortable.
“You just….What?” Herbert inquired, observing his expression change and tilting his head down a bit.
“Jesus Christ, I just- I’ve been feeling kind of gross lately, that all.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Gross..Um,”
“Do you have a fever?” He lifted his arm from under the blankets and reached for Dan’s face, cupping it gently in his.
“No, not like that.” He mumbled, his gaze shifting away from his partner.
“Do you……Want..To...Talk about it?” Herbert quietly asked, unfamiliar with the concept.
“It’s just- I just feel like I’m doing something wrong. Like this is wrong. I know it isn’t, and I know you’re not wrong- But,” He trails off again. The silence is paralyzing and feels to drag on for hours.
“Well,” He began, calculating how to reply.
“Well, I do suppose that’s natural. I know I’m the only man you’ve ever been with, I-”
“Please, Herb. Don’t treat me like I’m a patient.” He muttered looking back at him and softly placing his hand on top of the one cupping his face. Muttering an apology, he traced his hands across his cheekbones and tried his best to think of something to say. After a draining moment of silence, he hesitantly asks him a question.
“Can I help?”
“No, I just like this. I don’t- I don’t,”
He didn’t need him to finish his sentence, he already understood. With a sigh, he placed his ear back up against his chest and listened to his heartbeat again. It was more gentle now, no longer pounding at him.
“I love you..” Dan mumbled as he kissed the top of his head again, not expecting a reply.
“I love you.” A muffled, sleepy voice retorted. Dan took a moment to process, shock almost overwhelming him. His heart rate noticeably jumped, which Herbert didn’t mention despite the hidden smug look on his face. Dan couldn’t question him or even ask him to repeat himself, as he’d already drifted off to sleep to the sound of his heartbeat. It didn’t take much longer for him to fall asleep too, and he didn’t admit it, but that was the quickest he’d fallen asleep in weeks.