Chapter Text
Seeing Hanamaki and Iwaizumi kiss for the first time had made Issei felt a certain kind of way that was neither good nor bad nor neutral. It had ached, somehow, had made his heart twist in his chest and his throat tighten. He hadn't been able to look away. Because even though it had hurt, it had still felt right. He hadn't wanted them to stop but he'd felt so empty, knowing that they could do this, could be like this, without him. They fit together like two pieces of a puzzle and no matter how much Issei wanted to be, he'd never even been in the same box as them.
He ignored the feeling over the weekend. He pretended he hadn't ever felt it and that life was nothing more than vines and stupid comedy shows. It worked for a while. Saturday and Sunday went by and Issei had successfully avoided any feeling like that again.
Unfortunately, it didn't last forever.
Iwaizumi and Oikawa picked him up from his house like they usually did. He could hear their bickering from across the street, Oikawa's high-pitched teasing and Iwaizumi's growled replies. It was just like every other morning.
Except for the tension in Iwaizumi's shoulders and the shadow that darkened Oikawa's brown eyes. Except for the way that Iwaizumi's eyes seemed to avoid both, Issei's and Oikawa's eyes, when they met at Issei's doorstep. Except for the question lying on Issei's tongue but not getting past his lips.
He'd never know the truth if nobody told him. And if he didn't know it, then maybe, for just a little bit longer, he could pretend that it wasn't true.
"Good morning," Oikawa greeted him cheerfully.
"Morning," Iwaizumi muttered.
"I can see, you're very excited to see me," Issei teased his friend.
Iwaizumi glared at him. It lacked a bit of its usual heat and the fact that he avoided Issei's gaze also made it slightly less threatening.
Issei chuckled and Oikawa grinned and the three of them made their way to the bus station to pick up Hanamaki.
Iwaizumi kept quiet for most of the way, throwing in a half-hearted "Shut up, Trashykawa" here and there but not really participating in their conversation. He was chewing on his bottom lip, one hand playing with the Godzilla-chain on his book bag.
Issei noticed it, and he was sure that Oikawa did too, judging by the way he glanced at Iwaizumi in between sentences, but neither of them said anything. Issei didn't mention it either when Oikawa reached out for the other's hand and pulled back just as quickly.
The whole situation was uncomfortable and tense and Issei wished that they were finally at school, so that he would be able to sit down in class and pretend that none of this was real.
"You're really slow today, you know that?"
Hanamaki was waiting at the bus station, the hint of a smirk on his lips. He was stepping from one leg to the other and Issei immediately knew that he was going to hear the truth about everything sooner or later.
"You talk big for someone who's always one the last people to finish their laps," Issei commented despite the bitter taste on his tongue.
"I'm faster than Kunimi," Hanamaki defended himself.
"Everyone is faster than Kunimi," Issei argued.
"He could be fast," Oikawa chimed in, "He's just lazy."
Hanamaki huffed but didn't take it any further. Instead he let his gaze wander towards Iwaizumi who hadn't said anything yet. The boy in question looked up, the tips of his ears red and a fond smile on his face.
Issei's heart melted and he pretended like he could only feel the wave of affection hit him and not the sting in his chest.
"Hi," Iwaizumi said.
Hanamaki smiled back, about as softly and fondly, and Issei could feel his poor, lovesick heart crack.
"Hi," Hanamaki answered.
They looked at each other for a while, not too long but long enough for it to feel intimate in a way that hurt even more than fond smiles and the hearts in their eyes.
Oikawa cleared his throat and Issei was very grateful that he didn't have to do it.
"Uh," Iwaizumi made and under differentent circumstances, Issei would've probably laughed at him for flushing bright red.
"So, we wanted to tell you something."
From the corner of his eye, Issei could see Oikawa flinch a bit.
Same, he thought bitterly.
"You probably already know though," Hanamaki added.
"I mean, if this about what I think it is," Issei started, "You certainly didn't hide it."
Both of his friends blushed furiously.
"Shut up," Iwaizumi muttered.
"We're dating," Hanamaki said quickly, grabbing Iwaizumi's hand demonstratively.
The feeling from friday was coming back, clawing its fingers around Issei's heart and tearing its nails into it. It was truly astonishing how something could feel so good yet hurt so bad at the same time.
"Don't be assholes about it." Iwaizumi glared at them but from the look in his eyes and the way he was still playing with that Godzilla-chain, it was clear that he was asking if they were okay with it.
"I could never," Oikawa replied, "I'm a nice, pure-hearted person."
Iwaizumi squinted at him and Issei knew that he'd noticed how fake Oikawa was being.
"I'm happy for you," Issei quickly said, not wanting Oikawa to get interrogated right now, "Just keep the PDA down. Your stunt on Friday traumatized the first years."
Iwaizumi and Hanamaki started spluttering and Oikawa's facade was forgotten.
The four of them started walking again and Issei looked up to the sky.
Just keep the PDA down because I truly don't know how much I can take.
~
After that morning, the feeling kept coming back and with every time it did, it became harder and harder to bare.
He could feel it when Iwaizumi and Hanamaki announced their relationship to the team, holding hands while blushing, or when Iwaizumi reluctantly kissed Hanamaki on the cheek after he won a practice match.
He felt it when they shared a goodbye kiss when Hanamaki entered his bus home, on Monday, Tuesday and every day after that. When Hanamaki kissed Iwaizumi's nose in order to distract him, so that he could steal a bit of his food and when they were whispering something to each other on Thursday.
Issei wasn't jealous of either of them, he didn't want to take Iwaizumi's place and he didn't want to take Hanamaki's either. He wanted to be with them, Oikawa too, hold their hands and kiss their cheeks, noses, foreheads and lips.
It had been stupid before because it was embarrassingly sappy and cheesy and hopeless too and it was stupid now because two of them were in a relationship and the other was so utterly heartbroken about it that there was no way he didn't love them as much as Issei did.
And Issei could tell that, even though Hanamaki and Iwaizumi were a couple, they felt the same way for Oikawa. With every stupid, longing gaze and every lingering touch, Issei could feel his heart break into more pieces because he wasn't part of it.
~
The day Issei's despair hit its peak was on Saturday, when Oikawa had spontaneously invited the team over for a "team bonding session of the court". Issei blamed that idea on the look in his eyes whenever Iwaizumi or Hanamaki did about as much as brush their shoulders against the other's. That look of longing and yearning and pain.
It felt like a punch to the stomach to know that the other was hurting and it felt like a knife in his chest to know that the three of them were oh so obviously in love with each other while he was pining for all three of them. Issei hoped he didn't share Oikawa's expression, at least not that openly.
To be honest, Issei really didn't want to go to the bonding session or whatever it was. He wanted to stay at home and numb his brain with more TV shows and memes.
But when Oikawa had looked at him on Thursday, with his pretty brown eyes and his long lashes and that pleading look in his eyes, Issei couldn't help but say yes.
And he hadn't been the only one to agree to Oikawa's stupid plan even though he didn't want to. Kindaichi, Yahaba and Watari immediately agreed (though that was probably because they were actually excited) and Kunimi and even Kyoutani muttered a 'yes', obviously noticing the weird tension between the third years. Iwaizumi and Hanamaki had agreed too after staring at Oikawa's puppy eyes for at least two minutes.
In the end, all of them came together on Saturday in Oikawa's house. It wasn't exactly rare for them to meet up like that but usually they went to karaoke or to eat somewhere. The few times they had actually been at someone's place had been birthdays and a few special occasions. Not like whatever this was supposed to be.
It was awkward at first. Everyone was just sitting there, more or (in Oikawa's case) less silently downing one cup of soda after the other, while the awkward tension was getting worse and worse with every minute. The savior of the day was Watari (Issei thanked every single god and goddess to ever exist for Watari) who interrupted Oikawa's senseless rambling.
"We could play a game," he suggested carefully, "It's what we usually do, right?"
Oikawa's face lit up. (And no, Issei's heart did not skip a beat, thank you very much.)
"Excellent idea, Watachi!" Oikawa grinned at his team mates. "How about the king game?"
Issei noticed the way Oikawa's eyes wandered off to Iwaizumi and Hanamaki. The two of them were sitting between him and Issei, shoulders touching and Iwaizumi's right hand on top Hanamaki's left. Both of them perked up at the mention of the game and Issei snorted amusedly.
For some reason, the two of them were almost as obsessed with that game as Oikawa was with Truth or Dare. Hanamaki usually described it as the thrill of the uncertainty and mystery and Iwaizumi always shrugged his shoulders and said something along the ligns of "I just think it's cool."
"Sure," Yahaba agreed and Kindaichi nodded quickly.
"I don't care," Kyoutani said and Kunimi simply shrugged his shoulders.
"Sounds good, Captain," Issei smirked.
Oikawa seemed satisfied with that, a pleased smile on his lips. He got up and skipped in the direction of the kitchen, probably to get paper and a pen.
It was silent again but noticeably less uncomfortable. It felt more content and excited than anything else.
When Oikawa came back, he handed out a snippet of paper to everyone.
The first time, they had played this together in this same constellation, had been a total disaster. Most of them had swapped their numbers whenever Oikawa hadn't looked. Somehow they had always been two kings and Oikawa had always claimed to be one of them. Kyoutani had refused at least half of the things he had been supposed to do and somewhere along the lines Kunimi had just stopped drawing numbers. The only people who had actually been playing the game were Iwaizumi and Hanamaki.
The next time they'd played had been a little less chaotic, even though most people still cheated eighty percent of the time, and now they were finally at the point where they'd play properly. And most of the time it was actually kind of fun.
"I got king," Kindaichi said a little nervously.
"Proof," Oikawa demanded and nodded when Kindaichi showed him his snippet.
Issei glanced at the number on his piece (five) and turned to look at the first year. Kindaichi was biting his bottom lip, staring up in the air and frowning a little. It was kind of funny to see him get so invested into finding a good dare - it was just a game after all.
"Uhm," he made, "Number six has to do a handstand."
Everyone groaned collectively.
"Come on, you can do better than that," Hanamaki teased his kouhai and Kyoutani rolled his eyes.
"That's so boring."
"At least it's nothing too weird," Iwaizumi commented and stood up.
The room immediately quieted down and everyone, Issei included, looked up at Iwaizumi who flicked his snippet (number six as it seemed) at Oikawa's head.
"Hey," the other third year complained but immediately shut up when Iwaizumi went to the nearest wall and easily went into a handstand.
Issei could feel his heart stop beating in his chest.
Iwaizumi was still standing on his hands like he wanted to show them just how easy the order was. His muscles flexed and his shirt slid down a bit, showing abs that were definetely worth drooling over.
Fuck, Issei was so gay.
He could hear Kindaichi squeal a little in the background and from the corner of his eye, he could see Kyoutani's cheeks flush a little.
"Hot damn," Hanamaki whistled next to him, "Nice, babe."
Iwaizumi blushed and almost fell flat on his face. Somehow, he still managed to catch himself and get on his feet somewhat gracefully.
"Don't say that, idiot," he muttered, getting back to his place next to Hanamaki.
Issei swallowed and he took a deep breath, putting his snippet back in the middle.
Babe.
It echoed in his head and impaled his heart like a dagger.
Issei glanced at Oikawa but the captain of their team was still red in the face and obviously hadn't quite noticed the nickname yet.
The rounds after that were a little less boring and also a little less torturous. Iwaizumi ordered Yahaba to draw on Kyoutani's face with a permanent marker (which seemed to be a dream come true for the setter), Yahaba dared Watari to do the worm (that went extremely well), Issei made Kunimi remove his socks with his teeth (for such a little lazy fella, that dude sure was flexible) and Hanamaki ordered Oikawa to wear a blindfold until he was king again.
It was nice and every little bit of tension seemed to be gone now. They were just laughing and having fun and living their lifes (Kyoutani didn't seem to be all that amused but to be fair, the poor guy had a few awful doodles on his face). That was until the next pieces were drawn.
Issei looked down onto his note, reading the number four.
"I'm king," Watari announced, holding his snippet up in the air to prove it.
Oikawa mumbled something about cheating but the others only brushed it off.
"I wonder who we'll embarrass next," Hanamaki commented, grinning at Issei mischeviously.
Issei felt his throat go dry and he nodded, trying not to think about how that smirk made his heart flutter.
"I have something," Watari smiled and his eyes twinkled dangerously, "I order 1 and 4 to kiss."
Issei looked back at his snippet.
Fuck.
"Oh wow, getting bold, are we? So, who am I going to have to smooch?"
Issei turned his head so fast, his neck might as well have snapped, staring right into Hanamaki's dark grey eyes.
Shit, I am so utterly fucked.