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But I'm trapped.
The words echoed around the group, rendering them all speechless, frozen in shock.
"Buck, repeat that. Did you say you were trapped?" Bobby snapped out of it quicker, he had to, he was captain.
"Affirmative. We're in the main factory, all exits are blocked or locked down with the alarm system."
"Then we reverse the alarm system!" Eddie almost yelled, gesturing to the factory before them that was already consumed by flames.
Chim shook his head. "It's never that easy."
"Not that easy!? They just turn it off-" Eddie's attention shot from Chim back to Bobby. "-tell someone to turn it off, tell them there's people trapped inside!"
Bobby didn't say anything but his head tilted and his eyes grew sad. He spared the team a moment before turning back to his radio.
"Are you absolutely sure? You can't see anything? Nothing on the roof, we could rappel down, cut you out?"
There was silence for a few minutes- a few too many minutes.
"No. Ronny- the worker I'm with- says this is the most secure part, it's for the big jobs, chemicals, machines...only two ways in and out. It's meant to shut down to keep it all safe and secure."
Eddie jumped for his radio. "Then stay in there, hunker down and we'll come to you. Might take a while but we'll get there Buck, I promise."
Another minute of silence.
Buck sighed through the radio. "Sorry Eds, the fire's already in here. Half the place is alight. Hunkering down isn't an option."
SHIT! Eddie turned and kicked the thing closest to him- luckily just a light med kit and nothing that could have potentially broken his foot. Beside him Hen sat down on a ledge, her hands over her mouth. Chim looked up to the sky in despair.
"You say there's chemicals? Anything we need to worry about?"
"No. Apparently not. The big things are locked away..."
"...but."
"But? But!?" Eddie again, the radio gripped firmly in his hand.
"I've only just spotted it, not sure how I missed it..."
There was another explosion from the back of the building. Slowly getting closer to where Buck was trapped.
"We've got a large container full of stuff ready to blow the moment it overheats. It'll take out the entire factory and probably a half mile radius."
Oh this day was just getting better and better!
"Talk to me Buck. How we doing?"
Not long ago things had gone downhill. Buck had been talking to them over the radio, moving Ronny away from a danger zone but he'd panicked, not taking his advice and the pair of them had ended up falling from some scaffolding onto the factory floor. The team had heard it all, including Buck's yell and groan as he hit the floor.
"Buck? What happened?"
"Fell."
"We need more than that Buckaroo, come on. Sounded rough?" Chim eyed the med kit as he spoke, knowing he couldn't use it but desperately wishing he could.
"Scaffolding gave way."
"How far d'you fall?"
"Not far. Couple metres? But kind of collided with a container on the way."
"Kind of?" Hen's eyes grew wider, if it was possible.
Silence.
Silence.
"Ronny's gone..."
Ronny had hit his head too bad, Buck told them how the pool of blood behind his head was too big, how his eyes were open and his mouth was caught in a scream.
Buck, on the other hand, had damaged his already bad leg, hit his head, his chest, fractured or broken a wrist and was slowly loosing strength.
They had been working on a plan ever since- less than half an hour, but what felt like hours.
"If it helps, this is exactly how Buck was when you were trapped last year." Chim paraded past, not jovially but trying to diffuse some of the tension.
"What?"
"Oh yeah, wouldn't stop worrying, pacing, begging us to go down to get you. And that's after he screamed bloody murder-"
"Chim! Not the time or place." Bobby admonished.
"Sorry Cap."
Eddie returned to his radio. "Hey, you hear me Buck? How you doing?"
"You still there?" He swallowed, the words falling into his already hollowed stomach. It wasn't a question in regards to the radio malfunctioning, it was almost as if Buck was shocked Eddie was actually still there.
"Course man, we all are."
"Why?"
Eddie looked up and saw the exact same heartbreak on every single team member's face.
"Why wouldn't we be? I told you, we're coming to get you out."
"I'm not worth it."
Eddie almost dropped. His entire body plummeting downward and he had to steady himself on the table beside him as he breathed deep. Bobby wasn't so lucky, he walked away a few paces before falling onto the side of the firetruck, the metal being the only thing keeping him upright. Chim slammed a hand on the table.
"His fucking parents."
"What?"
"When we met with them yesterday, I should have known how deep it cut him."
Eddie needed to know but he also couldn't leave Buck right after those words had come from his mouth.
"Of course you are!" It was weak, but he often had trouble forming words, especially at times like this.
Chim continued. "They're terrible, by the way, I didn't get chance to update everyone this morning. They're horrible. And I should know with my dad! They bring him down for everything he does, there's no warmth there, no love. They don't despise him but...there's definitely no parental affection. Said things like he wasn't good enough, he's not worth the effort, he should give up." A pause. "'Stop burdening those co-workers like they're your friends, or worse, family'."
Honestly, Eddie was working on his anger, and he knew violence wasn't the answer- especially on 'civilians' and the parents of your friends- but right now all he wanted was to shove Richard and Margaret Buckley against a wall. It looked like Hen, Bobby and Chim would help.
"Buck, baby, remember how you stopped at nothing to rescue me and Captain Strand back in Texas? Stealing that truck with TK?" Ok, clearly Bobby hadn't been divulged on that part because he gave a shocked chuckle from the side of their own firetruck. "I'm finding my own firetruck, you hear me? I'm coming to get you, we all are."
"Please don't."
Please? Don't? Was Eddie too young to have heart failure? He was sure on his way.
"Why not kid?" Bobby had found his voice, his face stern and his back now ramrod straight as he glared at the inferno before them that entombed their friend.
"You have family. You have people expecting you home. I'm not going to be the cause of their misery if you come in here and die right alongside me. I won't bring anyone else down with me anymore."
They all fought through the tears burning their eyes and throat. "Anymore? When have you brought people down before Buck?"
"I always have. Dad's always told me I drag people with me, wreck their lives. I wrecked Maddie's for so long, I held her back. She had to look after me when she should have focused on school, socialising, living. Instead she had to be late for school because I would throw a tantrum, not wanting to go to mine, she'd have to miss afterschool classes to be home for me, cook for me. She lost sleep when I had nightmares, when I climbed into her bed because I needed reassurance. Even when she moved out with Doug I wanted her to stay, I was selfish. I chased her and realised I... And you. All of you. How have you put up with me? Why? You-" He broke off into a fit of coughs, deep raspy ones that wouldn't stop.
"Buck!?"
"Buck what's happening?"
"Mask broke." Another, more harsher cough. "And this place is filling up with smoke fast."
Could this team- could BUCK- not catch a fucking break!? Now that they were aware, it was clear there was a rasp to Buck's voice, shorter breaths as he spoke to them- but it could have been misinterpreted as his grief and panic.
"Listen. Buck. I don't know what those arseholes you call parents have said to you, or done to you, but I know you. Alright!? I KNOW you. You're Buck. You're our Buck. You are worth everything and more. I know you've fought so much recently but I need you to fight one more time, ok? You aren't a burden, you don't drag us down. You've saved us more times than we can remember, every single one of us. Hell you even saved Christmas. And I don't know where you're getting this 'no family to go home to' crap because your family is stood right out here worried sick. And the rest of them are at home expecting to hear your voice or see your face on the phone. How would Chris take it if I go home and tell him his Bucky isn't coming home? What about Maddie? You told us you felt like you'd held her back, been a burden but Buck, you were her sanctuary. When her world was in ruins it was YOU she went to. She found her little brother and she's stayed. The only place you dragged her was from her dark place, just like you've done with all of us. Athena! What about Athena? I've seen the way she fusses over you, do you want her to hear on her scanner that a firefighter lost his battle today, then go home and find Bobby mourning you? You have Carla, you have May and Harry, Karen, Denny, even Nia seems to like you a bit. Hell even Michael and I'm sure David is looking forward to meeting you properly. Those parents of yours don't matter and what they say doesn't matter because they're nothing to you, they're the part of you you need to leave behind, forgive, forget, move on from. They're your Abby, your Ally, your Doug, your Shannon- parts of you that may have meant something, may have been huge parts of your life but there's no point weighing yourself down with grief and misery because of them. Those are the words of bullies, abusers. If someone said that stuff to Chris you'd be the first to tell him they're wrong. So why won't you let yourself be told the same thing? You need to let the people that truly care for you in, let them tell you how special and important you are. Because you are Buck, and you're more than worth saving."
Nice speech, he just hoped things hadn't gotten worse on Buck's end during the time he'd rambled.
"What he said." Chim joked into his radio, but Eddie could see the anguish in his eyes, the desire to say his piece too but not finding the words.
"Buckaroo, I love you so much." Hen couldn't get much more out either.
Then Bobby. "Evan Buckley you listen here. I have given you more than enough chances in my firehouse, alright. I have looked past infractions, I've given you extra warnings, I've pushed you when you needed reminding of your strength....But I've also held you back. I screwed up as a captain and as a friend. I didn't let you come back to work when you were ready and that's not because of you, it's not that I didn't trust you, it was because of me. I've lost too many people, I've seen too many people I care about being wheeled into an ambulance. I've seen you in a hospital too many times. When you started this job I told you we weren't a family, that we joked about the whole 'pops' thing but that was all it was, a joke. If anything these last few years, anything, I've realised just how wrong I was. I didn't want you back because I was terrified to lose you. And not just as a damn good firefighter but as someone I care about, as a son. Y'know, Bobby junior was blonde haired and blue eyed, he liked listening to Bruce Springsteen with me too and he had this face that could get away with murder. Sound familiar? I've found another family even when I'd given up all hope, all hope to live never mind finding a new set of people to love. I have the 118, people I worry about everyday, people I care for and who make me smile when they send stupid meme's- am I saying that right?- or those TokTik videos in the group chat. I have Athena and the kids. Our past is different, there's no comparison, but I allowed myself to move on, to let myself love again, to be happy and start a new chapter. I got help. You need to do the same kid, your parents are my Minnesota, they'll forever be with me, I won't forget them and I won't ever forgive myself for everything that went down, but I allowed myself to break away from it. Do you understand?"
"I can't be defined by my past, I have to make my own present."
Bobby gave a wet laugh. "That's worded far better than I was aiming."
"Something my therapist said."
"Well those are some good words of wisdom kiddo."
"It doesn't change anything..." A gasp as he struggled for breath. "...I can't get out and you can't get in. And this place is minutes from blowing."
There was a collective gasp. Even as they'd been lamenting to Buck people had been working in the background, trying to figure out a plan.
"Hey Chim, I changed my mind. I don't want mango named after me, kinda cringy..."
"It's a girl by the way, I'm not sure Maddie managed to tell you?"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, so, maybe Eva?"
A laugh broke through with a cough. "No! I said not named after me. But Eva's nice. Oh god I'll never hold her...I was going to be Uncle Buck."
"You ever seen that film?" Chim was just talking about anything now, it was his nerves, Eddie could see it run through every part of him.
"Film?"
"Oh Buckaroo, what are we going to do with you? A whole week of movies I'd say, that should get you up to speed."
There was a bang from the factory. And another one. And flames that had been the height of houses grew to be office blocks in the sky.
One last attempt, however fruitless it seemed. "Buck! Listen to me. Is there anywhere, anything you could use? We can't get to you and you can't get out but there has to be somewhere?" The hand holding Eddie's radio shook like an earthquake. He knew the chances were slim, if it was a simple factory floor then it would just be open space and machines. "Another room with a window? A-"
The radio cut off into static and it took Eddie's brain and heart a moment to catch up to why.
The whole factory had blown.
The 118 dragged themselves through the wrecked remains of the factory, past the charred skeleton of the offices, the melted metal of the machines. The night sky was above them but no stars could pierce the black smoke that had covered the building, completely mirroring the metaphorical storm hanging over their heads. There was no saving the building, even the land around had been burnt for half a mile, just as Buck had said- it was lucky the team had moved when they had earlier.
Lucky.
They found Ronny. Or, what was left of him. They guessed Buck wouldn't be far away.
Bile rose in Eddie's throat at the thought. He could turn a corner, lift some rubble, and there would be the remains of his best friend, his brother, his....?
Bobby hadn't said a word since the explosion, his eyes wide and empty.
Chim's only words had been, "how do I tell Maddie?".
Hen had wept, watching as the flames were slowly- oh so slowly- extinguished, but put up her barriers again as the building was deemed safe enough to enter and ignored the command that the 118 would not be going in. She lead the way and they all followed.
Eddie's grief was anger, he used it to throw debris out of his path, kick out lingering flames and focus his eyes on the destruction before him. There would be a time for tears. Later, once they'd been debriefed, once he'd told Chris, once he was alone.
Some walls were still falling around them, weighed down by water or crumbling as the last of the material broke down. Some beams had fallen and leaned against standing parts of the factory, the bits that had 'survived' the inferno.
And it was as Eddie's eyes roamed these areas that they caught sight of a single sturdy wall, blackened and fire damaged, that somehow still stood proud like the fortress of a castle.
It was almost instinct to walk to it though he didn't know why.
"Why hasn't this wall come down?"
The team turned to him as he assessed it. "Not sure. Is it a supporting wall? A thicker dividing wall?" Chim shone his torch over it and as he did the beam caught the smallest glint of metal.
"Woah, what's that?" Eddie now turned his own beam on where the flash had come from. It was a wheel. A heavy, strong wheel. The type used on airtight containers.
He moved closer still, his legs taking him on instinct.
Now he was closer he saw a window, thick with soot. Without losing another second his gloved hands flew over the glass, wiping as much of the muck away as possible but even then he couldn't see through properly, the container had no lights and for a moment all he saw was glimpses of his own reflection as his torch lit up the damaged glass.
"Eddie? What is it?"
He didn't respond, he didn't even know who'd asked the question, barely even registering the voice. His heart pounded in his ears and his throat burnt.
Please.
Once enough of the layered grime had been removed he shone his torch straight into the space, seeing bottles and boxes lining shelves and he had to adjust his position to see further to his left.
Oh my god.
Legs. He saw legs. And the reflective band of a firefighters uniform.
His hands flew to the wheel that secured the door and he began to pull as hard as he could. "BUCK. BUCK CAN YOU HEAR ME?"
"Eddie?" Hen took a step forward, anticipation rolling off her in waves.
"He's in there. I can see him. He's in here."
That was it, the team raced toward him with even Bobby breaking from his stupor, and all pulled on the lock together.
"The blast must have damaged it." Chim puffed out.
"Well we don't give in, we promised him."
"I said nothing about that brother."
They all tugged again and at last the handle moved, turning all at once until the door seemed to come away from the frame in a mechanical 'puff'.
Eddie raced inside, instantly falling by Buck's side.
"Careful, careful, we don't want to do anymore damage." Hen broke in as his hands went to grab Buck's shoulder. He was close to shooting back "I know the protocol" but didn't let the stress bubble over into anger at his friend, she was right after all.
Instead he removed a glove and placed his hand to Buck's pulse point, holding his own breath as he felt the clammy skin and hoped beyond anything to feel a thump beneath his fingers.
Thump.
"I got it. Oh fuck, I got it. There's a pulse, he's got a pulse." Eddie felt breathless and he wasn't the only one; Bobby fell from a crouch into sitting on the floor, his head in his hands and his shoulders jumping up and down, Hen took a moment to compose herself as she reached for her med kit, and Chim stood up, turning his head to the sky as he let out a sigh of relief.
Hen and Eddie slowly turned Buck until he was flat on his back, checking his neck and limbs as best they could, feeling his chest as it rose and fell, stuttering a little with wheezes tainting his breaths. There was blood down the side of his face from a cut on his hairline and he'd bitten his lip at some point too, the cut already scabbed over with congealed blood.
They clipped a pulse oximetre on his finger as Hen continued her assessment but Eddie couldn't stop watching the rise and fall of Buck's chest, couldn't stop feeling the pulse beneath his fingers (now encircling one of Buck's wrists), proving to himself that he was alive. That he'd made it.
The machine bleeped. "It's pretty low, but we expected that. Anyone brought us an oxygen mask?"
Out of nowhere one was handed to them- Eddie would have seen if he'd actually looked up- and they swiftly and easily fitted it over Buck's nose and mouth.
"Someone grab a backboard and neckbrace, I want him in an ambulance as soon as we can, get him checked out." There was movement and one of the team left to do as Hen instructed, leaving just Bobby, Hen, Chim, Eddie and Buck.
Now Hen allowed herself to fall into 'Mother Hen Mode' (as Buck had named it), where she caressed his hair, wiped excess blood and grime from his face, and spoke softly to him. "You did so good Buckaroo."
As she carded a hand through his hair, her other began to gently rub his sternum. "Stay with us baby. You're in the home stretch."
The sternum rub, however light, must have worked because the next moment the arm in Eddie's grip twitched and the mask on Buck's face misted more.
"Buck?" It was the quietest and calmest Eddie's voice had been all day.
"Come on kid." As Eddie finally took his eyes from Buck he found Bobby knelt by their side, his own eyes never leaving their youngest's face and his hands massaging Buck's lower left leg.
A groan.
A flutter of eyelashes.
And a sea of clouded blue.
"Hey. Hey!" Hen cupped Buck's face as he blinked up at her, taking a moment to focus on her face before a small smile could just be seen beneath the mask.
There was a noise that could have been his own 'hey' but what with Eddie's heart drumming in his head, the noises from the remains around them, the mask on Buck's face and the sad laughs from their friends it was drowned out.
"You came." The words were halfway between a question and surprise, as if even after everything that had happened, everything that had been said, Buck still wasn't sure to believe it.
"Of course we did, we promised didn't we?" Eddie said, trying his best not to show too much emotion even when a tear slipped from Buck's eye and rolled down his cheek.
Hen took a deep breath, reining in her own emotions. "Can you tell me if anything hurts?"
"E'r'thing."
Hen smiled a sad smile. "Ok, I don't feel anything broken but now you're awake I'm going to have another check, you need to let me know what's tender or how you feel. Alright?!"
He nodded, wincing even at that.
Eddie allowed himself to breath deeply and attempt to stop the trembles that ran through him only to feel Buck's hand find his knee and squeeze it in reassurance. When he looked back down, Buck's eyes were staring straight at him, glazed but lucid.
"Found a hiding spot then?" The attempt at humour fell a little flat when the words caught in his throat.
Buck smiled at him, his eyes crinkling. "I'd hoped there was ice cream in here."
"It's a scientific cold store, not a food freezer."
The pair laughed, as did Hen as she continued running her hands over Buck's body. "Any pain?"
"Leg, but whoever is rubbing it is helping a lot."
Bobby stopped for a moment, shocked, but took up the motion again with a little more vigour. "It feels tight beneath my hands, but not exactly swollen."
Chim had been hovering behind Hen and Bobby and now took a spot by their captain, feeling the places Bobby indicated. "You're right, but nothing's shouting out to me as an issue. Probably the strain and exertion, wiggle your toes for me..." Buck complied. "Good job."
"How about anywhere else?" Hen again.
The younger man paused for a minute, seemingly running his mind up and down his body to pick up anything to report. When Eddie started at the 118 he got the impression that Buck wouldn't tell people of any aches and pains. Hell. Even last year, with his leg and embolism he hadn't mentioned it, but in the last few months he had begun to open up about his issues, take medication for his leg in front of them, ask to sit out a job every now and then.
"Head hurts. Chest...tight."
"You said something about your wrist earlier too?" Eddie assumed it couldn't be the one he was holding, the one Buck had used to grab his knee, but he couldn't see the other under all of the turnout coat.
"Hmm?"
"Hey, stay awake for us come on." Hen shot back up to his head as she checked him out.
"Hmm, yeah. Left wrist, tingles."
Hen gently pulled up his sleeve and assessed the damage before deeming it sprained but otherwise ok.
"Looks like I can still use it for the really important stuff." He lifted a cheeky eyebrow.
"Ew Buckaroo, what has your sister told you about being TMI with your sex life."
Buck laughed, immediately regretting it as his chest constricted. "I meant gaming with Chris, get your head out of the gutter Chim."
"Least now you have a reason to lose."
"You lose to a kid!? How?"
They laughed a little more until Buck's turned into a cough and he winced worse than before. Hen rubbed at his chest and re-adjusted the oxygen mask. "Sshh, easy, easy baby. Come on, deep breaths for me."
"Why is it, when there's trouble, it's always you few on the other end. Talk about getting leashes for you all." Athena's voice was a shock, especially with the suddenness of it. They all looked to her, finding her face tense and worried despite the joked anger of her voice. "Sorry I'm late, I got stuck coaxing some teens out of a...eurgh it's too long and stupid a story to waste breath on."
Bobby stood up and hooked an arm around his wife's waist, Athena nudging him with her head in a subtle and 'professional' display of support and comfort. The way Bobby held himself was clear for all to see; it was also just as clear that everyone was holding themselves together and could crumble at any given moment.
"How's our boy doing?" The question was aimed at them all but with the way Athena and Bobby stood, and the way she turned her soft eyes to Buck, it was almost parental, almost like two parents checking in with their kid.
"Not as bad as we'd assumed."
"What's that s'posed to mean!?"
Eddie smiled down at his friend, ignoring the question. "We're just glad he finally decided to get his ass up and find shelter, or... Shit Buck why'd you leave it to the last second? We thought- we thought we'd lost you."
There was no reply, just downcast eyes that now didn't meet anyone else's gaze.
Athena noticed. She always noticed. "Buck?"
Bobby squeezed her, his smile so full of grief that it was more a grimace. "I think we all need a little chat later, don't you Buck? All of us. The family."
The sergeant shot back to looking at the youngest, eyes wide and knowing.
After that, things blurred together. Buck began to weaken but managed to stay awake, occasionally tightening his hold on Eddie's knee and Hen confirmed he was alright, his oxygen levels were almost back to normal and the head wound wasn't too serious; with a little rest he'd be back home by the next day. They got him onto a backboard and carried him to an awaiting ambulance together, Chim driving and Hen in the back.
Athena came up beside Eddie, her face tight as she held in her emotions. "He was going to give up. Wasn't he?" It wasn't really a question, she knew the answer.
All he could do was give a slight, stiff nod of the head before jumping into the ambulance, ready to (once again) take their best friend away.
As they drove, as Buck floated in and out of consciousness, Hen and Eddie fussed around their friend with an even split of professionalism and personal worry. He would be ok, they knew this- at least, physically.
When machines had been attached, when simple first aid had been given, they sat down by Buck's side. Hen took back her position of carding her hands through his hair and Eddie took over Bobby's earlier job of massaging his bad leg, telling Chim that they were good and he didn't have to stress drive.
Hen smiled and placed a kiss on Buck's birthmark. "You're more than enough Buck."