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He’d been relieved at first. Their silence wasn’t ideal, but Carlos knew that plenty of people had it worse. His parents still loved him; they hadn’t kicked him out or threatened him or told him that he was no longer their son. He figured they just needed time to process it, that’s all.
But then the days turned into weeks, turned into months, turned into years, and still the silence continued. It left him unsteady, unsure of where he stood with them even though he’d known nothing but love as a child. Carlos had wanted to bring it up, had made so many plans over the years, but he’d never been able to commit.
He wouldn’t have been able to stand it if the answers weren’t the ones he needed.
It’s never been an issue before, this uncertainty; he’s never reached this stage before with past boyfriends. But TK is different. TK is someone he wants to show off as his, someone who, in theory at least, he wants to introduce to his parents.
In practice, that thought - that want - scares Carlos more than anything.
His hands, still resting in TK’s even after they’ve moved to the couch, are shaking. Carlos tries to stop them, tries to let go of the residual anxiety that still lingers in his body, but it’s an impossible task, and he steadfastly avoids meeting TK’s gaze. If he looks, he thinks it might just break him.
“You know,” TK says into the silence, “I know I said I wasn’t sorry - and I’m not, not about that part - but there are some things I do need to apologise for.”
“You don’t -” Carlos starts, but TK shushes him, squeezing his hands.
“Yeah, I do.” TK shifts, pulling Carlos closer to him and pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “I shouldn’t have treated you like that. I was angry, and I lashed out and said all that awful stuff without even thinking about you, and how you might have been feeling. I hurt you, and I am sorry for that, Carlos.”
“I hurt you first,” Carlos murmurs. “I’m sorry too.”
“You had your reasons,” TK says. “Besides, couples fight; the important thing is, we’ve worked it out now. We’ll be okay.”
Carlos doesn’t respond, the guilt rising in him all over again. Yes, they made it through this time. And maybe they will the next time, and the time after that. But Carlos doesn’t know how to get past this block, if he ever will, and nobody’s patience can last forever. He doesn’t want to lose TK, ever, but he can’t shake the feeling that they’ve just shelved the problem, rather than dealt with it.
“Hey.”
TK’s hands are on his face, gently tilting it up to meet their gazes. He smiles softly, and Carlos does his best to return it, not quite able to pull himself out of his thoughts.
Somehow, TK senses it. “Don’t go thinking about the future,” he says. “We’ll deal with it when it comes, together , okay? Together. You’re stuck with me, I’m afraid.”
Carlos swallows roughly, blinking away the tears that have started to gather in his eyes. “Does this mean you’re going to clutter the place up with your stuff again?” he jokes, though the words come out weaker than he intended.
TK pretends to look offended. “I prefer to call it livening up the place, but yeah.” His eyes roam Carlos’s face, and Carlos gets the sense he’s seeing right through him. “I love you.”
Carlos presses their foreheads together, closing his eyes and finally allowing the tears to slip down his cheeks. “I love you too.”
They remain like that for a while, time melting away into nothing. Eventually, TK pulls away, running his thumbs along Carlos’s cheeks. Carlos bites his lip, needing to ask even after everything.
“Will you stay?”
The look on TK’s face makes it clear he knows Carlos means more than just the night. He nods, kissing him softly. “Always,” he whispers. “Always.”
And Carlos breathes out, TK’s words finally allowing him to let go.
It’s hope.
It’s enough.