Work Text:
勝己 Katsuki
勝 Win
己 Myself
When Katsuki is born they name him with meaning, they name him to win, to be independent, to be strong.
He is set for greatness, already the spitting image of his mother, pride that’s already glowing in his red eyes. They just know he is going to be something truly great.
When Katsuki is three he knows how to act.
He knows to be quiet, and respectful. To never talk back, never yell, and never cry. He knows to dress the way his mother asks of him, to sit with good posture, to only play in his room, and to do so quietly. He knows to do as he is told unless he wants his mother to yell.
And he never wants that.
When Katsuki is four he meets Izuku.
Izuku isn’t the only friend he has but he’s the one who is around the most. The one his mother likes the most. They play with action figures, go to the park, ride bikes, then go back to one of their homes and eat dinner, where they annoy their mothers by talking about All Might and being heroes.
Katsuki likes being around Izuku.
But Izuku cries a lot. Which Katsuki doesn’t understand because his mom says that heroes don’t cry. Heroes aren’t weak.
And crying makes you weak.
When Katsuki is five he gets his quirk.
It’s amazing, everyone says so. His hands pop and spark and gleam and it’s all just so awesome, Katsuki feels so strong. His teachers say it’s strong, that he’ll be a good hero. His friends are jealous. And his parents are proud.
He is great. He is going to live up to his name, he is going to win and he’s going to do it all by himself.
Katsuki is still five when Ms. Midoriya calls his mother crying.
And everything changes.
His mother frowns as the woman sobs into the mic, she says she’s sorry when the other is done, and then she hangs up, frown still on her face. “Katsuki,” she calls, “Izuku went to the doctor.”
Katsuki blinks at the words, his eyes stinging at the scary thoughts. The doctor means something is wrong, Izuku hadn’t said there was something wrong, what if he was hurt.
It scared Katsuki, but he couldn’t be scared, he couldn’t cry, he had to be strong. “Is he okay?”
“They said he’s quirkless.”
“Quirkless?”
“He doesn’t have a quirk.”
Katsuki tilts his head, “yeah, I know, but he’s gonna get it soon-”
“No Katsuki,” His mother shakes her head, “he’s not.”
“...Does that mean he can’t be a hero?”
“Heroes have to be strong, Katsuki.”
Katsuki is six when he has to remind himself that Deku is weak.
Katsuki hopes he can make him stronger as his mother did to him. But he tries and Deku never fights back, he always cries, he never gets stronger.
Katsuki is seven when he starts to wish Deku would just go away.
He’s annoying. He whines about how Katsuki is too mean and is always calling him that dumb name. He’s still as weak as he used to be, and yet his mother still likes him, it’s annoying.
“Izuku needs you to help him make it, Katsuki.” She always says, something about it makes his chest hurt.
Katsuki is ten the next time he stays at the Midoriyas.
He stopped staying the night years ago after he realized Deku wasn’t going to get stronger. But his mother said he was annoying, so she sent him off for the weekend.
He probably was annoying, he sure is now. He really just wants to go home.
When Deku asks him to play for the tenth time he finally snaps, making Deku cry, Katsuki sighs, reminding himself again just how weak the other boy is.
He almost feels bad for him when he sees Ms. Midoriya walks into the room, but she doesn’t yell at him for crying, she hugs him.
Katsuki frowns.
Katsuki is eleven when he can’t stop thinking about how unfair it is.
He does everything he is supposed to do. Everything his mother tells him to do. He does excellent in school without even trying, he trains constantly, wins all his boxing matches, does his chores, follows her rules, follows every single line of her rules, and more.
Katsuki doesn’t let himself be anything less than what his mother asks him to be.
And yet it’s never enough, she is never satisfied. No matter what he does it’s never enough. She always brings up Deku too, asks if he’s protecting him as he should, asks how he’s doing it.
Katsuki is tired of it. He’s tired of hearing about Deku. He’s tired of not being good enough. He’s tired of her yelling.
Katsuki is tired.
Katsuki is twelve when he decides he doesn’t care anymore.
Something in his mind snaps when his mother tells him once again something he could have done better even when he was the best. His blood boils and he can feel his palms pop.
So he yells.
The look on his parent’s face is almost worth the way he feels when the fight is over and he’s left alone to cry in his room. Left alone to be so weak he’s left to tears. He promises to train extra hard over the weekend.
And reminds himself that he is going to win, and he’ll have to do it all by himself.
Katsuki is thirteen the first time his mother hits him.
Actually properly hits him. Not a slap on the hand or a wack to the back of the head.
He should have seen it coming truthfully, he could tell he had been testing her patience for the last year. Maybe if he hadn’t called her Mitsuki he wouldn’t be nursing his left eye from being socked by his mother.
Katsuki is fourteen when he says something he’ll always regret.
They were foolish, Katsuki wasn’t opposed to saying fucked up things but even he knows to go as far as to tell someone to kill themself is too far.
Deku seemed fine though, nothing more than angry. Katsuki still reminds himself to stay clear of the roof, however.
Katsuki is fifteen when he makes it into his dream school.
His ego is soaring and making that four-eyed prick so angry was putting his power sense into overdrive. The sweet taste in his mouth quickly turns sour however when he sees that Deku has made it into class 1A, even worse when he notices his quirk.
It’s nearly sickening when he finds out that All Might has taken a liking to Deku.
Katsuki is sixteen and everything feels as though it’s happening at once.
His mother tells him to make it he must be strong.
Katsuki is sixteen when he’s attacked by real villains for the first time.
He springs into action, the power of a fight running through his veins. There’s someone next to him when he fights, and for some reason, he doesn’t hate it.
Katsuki is sixteen when he is chained up for everyone to see.
It’s humiliating, the entire thing. His classmates wince from below him. But he knows she doesn’t deserve the medal, Todoroki had held back, had seen him as weak.
Weaker than Deku.
The same as All Might did.
Briefly, Katsuki feels as though he’s a child again, afraid that the other boy will be better than him. Bitter that even when Deku wasn’t better than him he was treated nicer, better.
It’s not fair. Katsuki thinks, even though he feels childish, he’s sure, none of it is fair.
Katsuki is sixteen when he finds himself too weak to fight off the villains.
He wants to cry, but he can’t let himself be even weaker. Though that plan seems to fail when he has to be saved. And it fully crashes through the floor when he becomes the reason All Might’s career ends.
His mother makes sure to tell him he was weak, makes sure he knows what he did to All Might. She’s a steady reminder of why he can’t be weak.
He understands why she is upset with him.
He understands why All Might has chosen Deku over him.
Katsuki is still sixteen and his life is still falling apart.
Katsuki is still falling apart. Nearly losing to Deku in a fight he started, allowing himself to be hugged by not only the hero who chose his enemy over him but also a fellow student, failing his licensing exam, and then almost dying.
Katsuki nearly cries when he wakes up from his coma and finds he’s alone, but he doesn’t have time for self-pity, because for some damn reason he cares for Deku again.
Katsuki is finally seventeen when things start to get better.
Eijirou helps him through a lot. And it’s weird for Katsuki to say he has a boyfriend and that he also has an entire friend group. It’s even weirder for him to say that he and Deku are nearly friends again.
Not yet, maybe Katsuki isn’t ready to fully get over the man he looked up to choosing someone he was taught was weak over him. And Eijirou says that’s okay, that Katsuki has a lot to work through.
Katsuki is working through a lot. Maybe one day he’ll be able to cry without it causing even more self-hatred, and when he can do that he’ll make sure to tell his mother off. Which probably won’t go over well but Katsuki is fine with that.
Katsuki is fine in general, finally.
Katsuki is eighteen when knows that he can win by himself just as he was meant to, but that he doesn’t have to, and it’ll feel a lot better to win when he has others to celebrate with him.