Chapter Text
I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love, I did
And you were strong and I was not
My illusion, my mistake
I was careless, I forgot, I did
I remember when I was a young boy how my parents would constantly be fighting, always at each other's throats. It was a horrible sight for a kid to see, but it was real. I didn't think much of it, thinking all families acted like that. I didn't think that one day when I got home from school I'd see my mother packing suitcases full of our stuff.
“Mum, what are you doing?”
“We're leaving George, go to your room and pack your stuff, we're not staying here anymore. We're not staying with him anymore.”
It wasn't till years later that I realized it was more than just arguing and harsh words. I spoke to my mother about it as well.
“Why did you stay with him for so long? If he was cruel to you?”
“Well George, I stayed with your father because I loved him. Because I still love him. We were good for each other, and he wasn't good to me. It wasn't always like that though. It always starts well.”
“But why didn't you leave when it first started?”
“Love is a dangerous thing. It leads people to do crazy and outrageous things. It's no excuse, but it's a reason for understanding. I didn't leave him earlier because I was blinded by what I felt for him. For the person, he used to be. Promise me something, George,”
“Anything mum,”
“Let yourself fall in love.”
“But isn't this supposed to be teaching me the dangers of love?”
“Why yes, I suppose that's something you can get out of this, but you need to love. You need to care for someone and for someone to care for you. Know that it won't always work out, and not everything is a fairytale ending, but don't think of the possible end, think of the possible happiness.”
“I don't want to end up like you and dad, mum I'm scared”
“Don't be darling, as long as you're cautious you'll be ok.”
“But you just said to open my heart and love now you're saying you be cautious?”
“I think you're confusing my words. Don't be afraid to fall in love. Don't be afraid to let someone care for you. But still, be cautious. See how they treat their family. How they treat their friends, how they treat themselves. Do they remember the small things about you? Be cautious of the person you fall in love with and who they truly are as a person, but don't force yourself to be alone. The things of life will happen no matter what, accepting it helps. Let yourself love.”
My mother always was a cryptic woman. I never really truly understand this lesson she was trying to teach.
It's not like I forced myself to be alone, or avoided love, I just never found myself having a connection with people I met. There would be the occasional friendships, but they never lasted. I was a naturally shy and introverted person until you got to know me. And very few people wanted to know me. That was until mum and I moved.
There were two boys who immediately got my attention. One with a bright hoodie, the color I'm unsure of, but he had long wavy hair. The other was shorter, had a slightly evil glint in his eyes. I soon came to learn their names as Dream and Sapnap.
I had never clicked with anyone like I did the two of them. Becoming fast friends we did everything together. We had many sleepovers, random adventures, and just a lot of fun. I'd never felt more accepted.
Sapnap was easygoing. Didn't let too much affect him, he was crazy in the best way possible. Constantly had something up his sleeve. He was easy to read, you could tell when he's happy or sad. The way his eyes move when he's nervous. Or how he craves the physical comfort of others barely getting any at home.
Although Dream… Dream was difficult to read. He always wore this mental mask, like he was in a bubble. Most people can overlook how doesn't share any personal information about himself, preferring to deflect with comedy and useless likes and dislikes. Even after months of getting to know Dream, I still didn't know Dream. He was a stubborn bastard who wore his mask.
I myself tried. I tried to not let people see me. I didn't want something that would end like my parents. But no matter what I did I found myself longing for the two doofuses I know as my best friends. Maybe that makes me weak. I promised myself not to make close relationships, so I wouldn't be hurt in the end. I longed for their friendship, for their comfort.
Before I let myself become close with the two, I would imagine false realities of what our friendship would be like. My personal illusions and fantasies of what could be. In those moments of weakness, I let myself care. It was a mistake I made, something careless. Yet I still found myself drawn to them, especially Dream.
As we grew up we became even closer. If you saw one of us the other two wouldn’t be far behind. I found myself growing attached, and I didn’t hate the feeling. The dependency was nice, it was different.
When I was a teenager I didn’t find myself staring at the girls like all the other boys my age. I would usually find myself admiring Dream in the way I should admire girls. I know he noticed, although at the time he acted as if he didn’t. On the other hand Sapnao had noticed, and unlike Dream he would not let me live it down, constantly bringing a flush to my cheeks with his suggestive comments.
I came out to my friends and mother months after my revelation. The revelation that I was starting to fall for my best friend. My mother took it well, she told me how it changed nothing, that she still loved me just as much, and was proud of me for telling her. I always felt as if she already knew, always using ambiguous and gender neutral terms talking about future relationships.
Sapnap took it the best. He gave me a hug and screamed that I was valid. He was ever so supportive, never changing a thing in our dynamic. It meant so much to me.
I was more terrified to tell Dream than my mother. We were sitting in a tree when I let it slip. Quietly I told him how I preferred boys over girls. It was silent. That was until he moved closer to me grabbing my face lightly and leaning in to give me a peck on the lips. Just as fast as it happened it was over. In that moment I was glad he didn’t mention the obvious blush dropping below the color of my shirt. That was our first kiss. Our getting together moment. It wasn’t fireworks or a burning touch. It felt like home. It felt like comfort and pure happiness.
We talked after, explaining our feelings and figuring out the finer details to avoid any confusion. Our relationship was never verbalized to outsiders, although it was obvious how in love with each other we were.
That was years ago now. So much has changed since then, and sadly not in a good way.
The three of us: Sapnap, Dream, and I moved away after high school. Choosing to explore the world we ended up being the finders of the land known as Dream SMP. For a while everything was good. Everyone was happy, just three idiots against the world. If only it could stay that way.
It didn’t last. The peace and serenity I so desperately craved. As more people came to join the SMP, the stricter the rules and laws had to be. It was all going fine until those damn discs. I truly believe that was the beginning of the end.
Dream became obsessed. A shell of the man I once knew. Although Sapnap and I stuck with him more often than not. Until…
Until it was too much.
He exiled that poor kid. I was never a Tommy sympathizer, although I did feel bad for the kid. I didn’t even care for that house much.
Sapnap helped take Dream down, and to prison. I chose to stay out of it. Not for the reason most people thought. They thought it would be too difficult for me to see Dream in that light. Or even scared I would be so devoted to Dream that he would switch and join Dream.
Both assumptions were wrong.
I knew exactly who Dream was. I knew of all of Dream's plans. He would run each and every single one of them by me. I never asked for him to. He just did it. I more often than not never gave a response. I didn’t have much of an opinion. Nothing he did really took me off guard. He was predictable.
I just could never be bothered to get involved on either side. Both sides would attempt to get me to join or agree. I’d much rather just stay out of all the drama and chaos. It was never worth it to me.
But now. Now I had to do something I never wanted to. Now I had to face something I never thought I’d have to face. I was going to the prison to confront Dream.
He told me everything. Everything but that damn room full of attachments.
“You sure you can do this George?”
“I’m fine Sam. Let’s just get this process started. I’d rather not be here longer than necessary.”
I could tell Sam was nervous for me. It was obvious in how his voice slightly wavered when he read off the questions. We went through the questions fast. I knew all of them prior to it anyway. I knew not to take anything with me, so I simply put my goggles that were on top of my head in my ender chest leaving it at that.
Sam and I went through all the safety precautions in silence. We were at the wall of lava. The last obstacle keeping me from what used to be the man I loved.
Sam did finally speak up, “He’s not who he used to be George.”
“I know Sam. I’m not expecting him to be, nor am I going in with the belief that I can change him.”
“Ok, I’ll be right here if you need anything.”
And we left it at that. The lava finally dropped. I saw him. I slowly made my way across. I made it to the other side with ease. The netherite barrier dropped as well. There is nothing separating Dream and I.
I sighed. Dream was avoiding all contact, whether it be eye or physical. I realized I would have to be the one to say something first.
“Hi Dream.”