Chapter Text
Dadza’s Home for Traumatized Teens - 4:10pm
Baconbits🥓🐷: god i hate english classes
Baconbits🥓🐷: this is a scammmm
fundi: but??
fundi: youre literally gonna be an english major??
Baconbits🥓🐷: and youre a bitch
Baconbits🥓🐷: you dont see me saying anything bout that tho☕️
Dadza’s Home for Traumatized Teens - 7:38pm
🌳wheelin and dealin that good shit🥴💨 : @Eret do you prefer m’theydy or gentlethem more? :)
king shit 👑: ...
king shit 👑: I️ ... I️ think id rather you call me a slur.
Dadza’s Home for Traumatized Teens - 9:40pm
child derogatory 🤬: So.
child derogatory 🤬: The plan. We leave at like 11:30, walk to Tubbo’s house.
child derogatory 🤬: Then we go to the pizza place
child derogatory 🤬: Ranboo bring the paints.
child derogatory 🤬: Viola, art.
crime boi😈: This is something that requires finesse and focus, of which none of you fucks have.
crime boi😈: Also, I️ will tell dad since you sent this to everyone.
child derogatory 🤬: /j?
crime boi😈: Not a fucking chance little brother.
child derogatory 🤬: Shit.
Dadza’s Home for Traumatized Teens - 2:02am
🌝 we found him on the side of the road 🌝: Question: Do you think Lava would be spicy?
dreamy: ??????????
dreamy: wtf?
rockin that puff puff pass 🥵💨: Please dont eat lava.
💛bee🥺🐝: Ranboo, you do whatever you want you funky little gremlin :D
Baconbits🥓🐷: Actually, since its made of molten rock, it would probably taste very bland and vaguely dusty.
🌝 we found him on the side of the road 🌝: Thank you Techno. You understand me like no other.
dreamy: :concern:
dreamy: Why do you wanna know what lava tastes like????
🌝 we found him on the side of the road 🌝: Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy.
dreamy: .........
dreamy: That’s enough texting tonight. Im going to bed.
Dadza’s Home for Traumatized Teens - 6:20am
dreamy: Yknow lyss, when I️ first met you
dreamy: I️ thought you were a bitch.
☕ Sip sip bitch☕: ??
☕ Sip sip bitch☕: What changed your mind?
dreamy: oh no, I️ still think you’re a bitch.
dreamy: Ive just come to love that about you. :)
☕ Sip sip bitch☕: I️ *feel* like I️ should feel insulted but I️ cant help but agree.....
dreamy: :)
☕ Sip sip bitch☕: *squints*
dreamy: :):)
☕ Sip sip bitch☕: I️ hate you.
dreamy: <3
☕ Sip sip bitch☕: sure..... whatever.
☕ Sip sip bitch☕: <3 ig
gayyyyyy🏳️🌈: Yknow Ive been thinking....
dadboyhalo👨: 1 fear
gayyyyyy🏳️🌈: Rude!!!
gayyyyyy🏳️🌈: ANYWAYS!!!!!
gayyyyyy🏳️🌈: I️’ve been thinking.
gayyyyyy🏳️🌈: What if my pronouns
gayyyyyy🏳️🌈: Instead of being he, she or they
gayyyyyy🏳️🌈: it’s just bitch.
gayyyyymer🏳️🌈🎮: That’s so fucking valid
king shit 👑: MOOD!!!!!!
Dadza’s Home for Traumatized Teens - 3:55pm
gayyyyymer🏳️🌈🎮: I️ dont wanna go to workkkkk :(
gayyyyyy🏳️🌈: Why?
gayyyyymer🏳️🌈🎮: because want to be with my bf :(
❤️bro*but lovingly*😘: Psychology Tricks That Work Because I️ Use Them:
❤️bro*but lovingly*😘: If you dont wanna go to work?
❤️bro*but lovingly*😘: Just commit-
❤️bro*but lovingly*😘: Arson.
❤️bro*but lovingly*😘: Burn that hoe to the ground. :)
dadboyhalo👨: Please dont burn down your workplace.
❤️bro*but lovingly*😘: but arson?
dadboyhalo👨: ....
dadboyhalo👨: No.
❤️bro*but lovingly*😘: :(
dadboyhalo👨: You can’t just
dadboyhalo👨: FROWN in mild disappointment
dadboyhalo👨: When I️ tell you no to committing a crime!
❤️bro*but lovingly*😘: :(
dadboyhalo👨: No.
❤️bro*but lovingly*😘: you’re no fun.
god😇: Guys.
god😇: I️ was cleaning my room, and I️ discovered that the spider, that I️ killed 3 whole years ago
god😇: with an entire can of hairspray
god😇: is still there!!!
god😇: She’s still there.
king shit 👑: sis forgot to biodegrade.
god😇: So.... naturally im going to smash it with a fire extinguisher.
king shit 👑: oh shit? good luck my friend.
@skeep → @badboyeaylo - 4:12pm
@badboyeaylo: geppy :(
@skeep: no bad!
@skeep: im not getting you a knife for your birthday!
@badboyeaylo: but its pretty! :(
@skeep: No!
BigManGroup - 4:44pm
Ranboo: I️ regret nothing.
Tubbee: That’s because you don’t remember what you’re supposed to regret!
Ranboo: fair enough
Ranboo: point still stands though!
Ranboo: No regrets!
Tommy: You should
Simp Shit - 11:23 AM
Quack: akdhakaja KILL MEEEEE
Sap: what did you do?
Quack: OKAY!!!!! Why do you automatically assume that /// I️ /// did something.
Quack: Something could have happened /// to /// me!
Karl: babe just tell us what you did.
Quack: I️ dont deserve this.
Quack: I stayed behind to ask Mr. H something and the fuckin SR officer did a random check
Quack: I️ have ISS for two weeks
Doin It For the Girls and the Gays 🤪 - 11:24 AM
Ant: I️ don’t mean to be homophobic
Ant: But whatever Dream, George and Sap have going on....
Ant: Kinda gay
Alyssa: Ant, you are literally dating a man.
Ant: IM JUST SAYING BRO!
Dadza’s Home for Taumatized Teens - 3:20 AM
crime boi😈: unpopular opinion: cookie dough is worth the risk of salmonella
crime boi😈 sent a picture: [it’s a picture of a tube of cookie dough with the wrapper peeled down, like a banana. There are two huge bites taken out of the top of the cookie dough.]
🌝 we found him on the side of the road 🌝: Wilbur, pull yourself together and go get a dang spoon. its cookie dough, not a beefy 5 layer burrito.
💛bee🥺🐝: have some class :/
Dadza’s Home for Traumatized Teens - 5:30am
☕ Sip sip bitch☕: eve was a girlboss for eating that fruit. Adam was a himbo for doing what his wife said. I will not elaborate.
can do no wrong ever🥺💕: you literally do not need to queen you said it loud and clear
Dadza’s Home for Traumatized Teens - 7:33am
dreamy: “so everyone knows how to roll down their windows with a clicker, but another feature in a car is a fucking GAS PEDAL!! Move!!!” @CptPuffy this morning lmaooo
don’t know nobody🤑: i mean…. She isn’t wrong
dreamy: i know but it’s funny cause puffy never gets road rage
dreamy: but like these people were so slowwwww
☕ Sip sip bitch☕: #puffyexposed
Dadza’s Home for Traumatized Teens - 4:33pm
king shit 👑: so i have a million dollar idea
king shit 👑: if you are over the age of 50
king shit 👑: and comment on the fact that i’m wearing tight-high heels, or nail polish-
king shit 👑: mind your damn business Cameron. I will fuck your son.
don’t know nobody🤑: pop off king!!!!!
Dadboyhalo👨: language eret
king shit 👑: some people istg!!!! It’s 2021 let me liveeeeeeeee!!!! I look hot! I look badass!! And you’re killing my vibeeeeee bad!!!!
dreamy : petition to kill this man @Dadza
Dadza: just dont get caught, detention or killed.
dreamy: best not-adoptive dad ever.
crime boi😈: Dream you’re literally in our family gc, you’ve been adopted in this family. Now, come upstairs and help me bother Tommy.
dreamy: hmmmmm
dreamy: after i kill this mans for harassing Eret
dreamy : @Technoblade wanna help?
Baconbits🥓🐷: sure lemme grab my sword.
dreamy: poggggg
@dreamtaken_ → @georgekeinfund - 2:20pm
@dreamtaken_ sent a video: [ a tiktok video opens to a man dancing aggressively in front of a whiteboard. The man begins freestyle singing “if a friend sent you this, just follow my lead!” he stands and turns to the board, and begins drawing. “We’re gonna write out a 1! Then write out a three!” and draws the two numbers really close together, resembling a capital B. “Invert an exclaim, then a T at the end, round it off with a -ch and that’s what you mean!” The man yells out, still singing. He continues writing out his instructions. The whiteboard reads out a shaky “bitch” and the man turns around. He begins bobbing along with his tune and yells out “You’re a bitch! You’re a bitch!” as he points to the word with the marker. The video fades to black before reloading]
@georgekeinfund: says you. :middle_finger:
@dreamtaken_: :laughing_crying: fuck you
@georgekeinfund: you wanna kiss me so bad you look stupid
@dreamtaken_: in your dreamsssss
@georgekeinfund: *nightmares
Dadza’s Home for Traumatized Teens - 2:24pm
dreamy changed @georgekeinfund ‘s name from “ 404notfound ” to “ 💔bitch🤬 ”
❤️bro*but lovingly*😘: The homies are divorcing :/
dreamy: george out the gang
💔bitch🤬: die mad about it
dreamy: whatever bitch, good luck changing your name.
god😇: cant believe the dream team is breaking up sadge
❤️bro*but lovingly*😘: this is sapnap erasure :(
god😇: sorry sappy :( ilyyyy
❤️bro*but lovingly*😘: ily too sammy
Dadza’s Home for Traumatized Teens - 5:12pm
child derogatory 🤬: can someone take me to the hospital? If you need to know, my blood type is red
dreamy: ???
Baconbits🥓🐷: he’s being a baby
Baconbits🥓🐷: he cut his hand on one of my old sabre’s and has the tiniest cut on his hand :rolling eyes:
Baconbits🥓🐷: it’s already getting bandaged
dreamy: rip
Dadza’s Home for Traumatized Teens - 6:50am
king shit 👑: do I️ look good?
king shit 👑 sent a picture: [it shows them in a mismatched outfit of a cropped KISS shirt, ripped gray skinny jeans and chunky high-top converse that have faded and have sharpie scrawled over them]
king shit 👑: if not just tell me! It’ll be like ripping….
king shit 👑: THE SWORD FROM THE STONE!
dreamy: That was canonically not easy
Baconbits🥓🐷: Yeah, only arthur was able to remove the sword
crime boi😈: may the odds be never in our favor
Baconbits🥓🐷: but this isn’t the sword in the anvil
🌳wheelin and dealin that good shit🥴💨: wasn’t it the sword in the stone?
Baconbits🥓🐷: why don’t you read the book and still see if you need to correct me.
Dadza’s Home for Traumatized Teens - 1:22pm
Baconbits🥓🐷 sent a video: [ the video shows the school hallways, with Tubbo skipping down the hallway and pulling a stumbling Ranboo after him as Ranboo stutters out for Tubbo to slow down, before they turn a corner. The camera drops after they turn and ends.]
Baconbits🥓🐷: Im sorry…
Baconbits🥓🐷: Did that bee just steal a noodle?
💔bitch🤬: ahahaha!!! Bee and Noodle!!!
king shit 👑: babe wake up, new nicknames just dropped for Tubbo and ranboo!
king shit 👑 : @dreamtaken_ can you change ranboo’s name to noodle????
dreamy changed “ 🌝 we found him on the side of the road 🌝 ” to “ noodle ”
dreamy: :) your wish is my command :)
noodle : @dreamtaken_ have you ever considered
noodle: dying? 😳👀
dreamy: nah God denied my request
noodle: hmmmm maybe you should reapply 👀
dreamy: hard pass noodle
noodle: me when i kill Dream
noodle: asmr :sparkles:
💛bee🥺🐝: leave ranboo alone :(
@NikiHachu → @Technoblade - 3:32pm
@Nikihachu: tech, have you eaten today?
@Technoblade: yeah
@NikiHachu: techno.
@Technoblade: what?
@NikiHachu: …
@NikiHachu: Last I checked only racists skipped meals.
Dadza’s Home for Traumatized Teens - 3:34pm
Baconbits🥓🐷 sent a picture: [ a screenshot of his conversation with Niki minutes prior]
Baconbits🥓🐷 : I have to admit, that’s the first time someone bullied me into eating.
can do no wrong ever🥺💕: :smile:
Baconbits🥓🐷: that smile feels vaguely threatening Ms. Hachu. And I am making a sandwich now so stop with the “mom” stare at your phone. I can feel it through my screen.
Baconbits🥓🐷 sent a picture: [shows a ham and cheese sandwich with mayo and lettuce, with a bag of chips next to it. The sandwich is sitting on a folded paper towel. There is also a water bottle in the background.]
can do no wrong ever🥺💕: if it’s not broke, don’t fix it! Besides, you should eat more anyways! I can and will come over with food right now Technoblade Watson.
rockin that puff puff pass 🥵💨 : we don’t deserve Niki 🥺🥺🥺
dreamy: facts!!
Dadza’s Home for Traumatized Teens - 5:33pm
can do no wrong ever🥺💕 : @fungi i wanna believe you’re a libra but you’re acting like a fucking gemini!!
fundi: DONT YOU SIGN SHAME ME!!
can do no wrong ever🥺💕: I’m sorry, my planets are in retrograde :(
dreamy: the stars aren’t real and the earth’s flat you dumb fucks
can do no wrong ever🥺💕: lol leos
fundi: lmao leos
dreamy: ........ wtf is that supposed to mean??
Dadza’s Home for Traumatized Teens - 6:00pm
dreamy: guys???
Emotional Support Dumbasses - 9:06pm
Dreamy: fuck i hate these kinda nights :(
Georgie: ???
Sappy: cant sleep bud?
Dreamy: yeah :( Sam and Callahan are here but they’re downstairs watching movies and i cant sleep but also dont wanna bother them
Georgie: just go ask them dream. You need to sleep.
Dreamy: :((( i’d rather die
Sappy: dreamie… bro
Sappy: so how long until you actually face your trauma with everyone else???
Dreamy: …
Dreamy: so due to this comment i will be passing away
Dreamy: you know why Sap.
Sappy: :/// Dreamie that’s not good tho.
Dreamy: logically- I know I should.
Dreamy: in my head, it’s like “but being judged is scary and i dont wanna lose them”.
Sappy: :(( I know buddy, but we’re still here for you now. You want me to come over?
Dreamy: but your parents…
Sappy: my parents need to learn that I give a damn about you and that restricting me is only gonna cause more issues. I’m omw, leave a window open.
Dreamy: <3 i love you brother
Sappy: i love you too brother
Chaos Chat - 3:23am
Wilby : @Technoblade go to sleep it’s 3:30 am
Wilby: please learn to be a morning person.
Techno: Listen! I am a morning person!!
Wilby: Liessss
Techno: I just prefer being more productive at 3:30 in the morning rather than 8:30 in the morning!
Wilby: go to sleep. Nick Carraway’s gay panic over Jay Gatsby can wait until tomorrow.
Techno: fine. Goodnight menace.
Wilby: thank you. Goodnight techie
Techno: whatever. Gn