Chapter Text
Tom got the email for the job listing about two months into his third year at Hogwarts.
‘Hi, Lord Voldemort!
Here at the Wendy’s, we know what it means to understand good music. That’s why we are very excited to offer you the chance to work with us in recording our new EP!’
Tom paused. He had, despite it being years after leaving his job at McDonald’s, been searching for a way to make them pay for the humiliation he had suffered at their hands, receiving only minimum wage and sunburns.
He also got Harry, but that was mostly due to his own irresistible charm and his expert techniques in wooing.
The time for revenge had finally come. He continued reading.
'We have been carefully searching for the perfect rapper to collaborate with the Wendy’s recording team on our breakout album- and we would be proud to have your voice on our tracks!
Of course, due to your popularity (congratulations on 50 million Spotify streams!), we understand any unavailabilities. That being said, the bangers have already been written, so we would be honored just to have that special ‘Lord Voldemort’ flair that no one can get enough of, as well as any background singers you would like to include! We are asking you specifically, Lord Voldemort, because we think your audience would love to hear you from a different perspective: a quality-food-lovin’ perspective!’
‘If you decide to accept this offer of collaboration, please email us back at your earliest convenience to discuss payment, flight details, and the recording schedule.
Eagerly awaiting your response,
Wendy’s Leadership Team'
Finally, someone within the mainstream business world had realized his potential.
Though Tom did take pride in his primarily self-produced rap career, it had always been his dream to reach the widest audience possible. If Wendy’s could provide that channel, despite not being directly tied to the music industry, he would take that opportunity. The only obstacle in his way was Harry.
Harry, though being his greatest supporter and ultimate inspiration, would likely have a problem with Tom accepting the offer because of his own history with Wendy’s. Harry hated working there and despised being Wendy, despite it being for only two weeks compared to Tom’s month-long stint as Ronald McDonald. So, would he feel betrayed if Tom accepted a job from his fiercest rival?
If he were in Harry’s position, and McDonald’s had extended the offer to Harry, Tom would consider that to be the worst duplicity possible. His boyfriend, working with his enemy? Treason of the highest order.
Breaking him from his conflicting thoughts was the loud ring of his phone, the ringtone giving away who was calling. Of course, the song being The Chosen One, a passionate ode to Harry, serenaded to him by Tom on their one year anniversary.
“Harry, darling, how wonderful that you would call right now, on this ordinary Wednesday afternoon when nothing monumental or life altering has occurred,” he greeted, and, just to be on the safe side, closed his laptop lid in case Harry could see the email through the video.
Harry rolled his eyes. “Tom, when you answer a call like that, it actually makes me think something did happen, believe it or not.”
Harry knew him so well, and that was just one of many reasons why they were soulmates.
“I’m just going to get to the reason why I called so you can be horribly dramatic, and I’ll coddle you, alright?” Harry asked.
Tom made an affirmative noise.
“Right. My classes for next Monday got cancelled, and you know I only have Communications at eleven in the morning on Fridays, so I thought I could take the train and we could spend the weekend together, if you don’t have much going on,” Harry said, his voice turning hopeful.
Tom beamed. “Excellent! I would love nothing more. In fact, a new ramen restaurant just opened that we could try out.”
“Sounds great.” Harry smiled as well. “So, is whatever you’re about to say going to cause the general public physical or mental harm?”
Tom thought about it. He wanted to say no, because the general public would be blessed to hear the heavenly creations that only Lord Voldemort could produce, but Harry could feel emotionally betrayed.
“Tentative no.”
Harry considered it. “Okay, go ahead.”
“Wendy’s sent me an email and asked that I work with them on their debut EP.”
Suddenly, Harry’s face disappeared as the FaceTime ended, and Tom’s lock screen blinked back at him.
Tom quickly re-entered the FaceTime app and clicked the ‘Harry Potter <3’ contact. He knew that his name on Harry’s phone was ‘lord voldickmort,’ which Tom did not appreciate, but Harry refused to change it.
His call was answered by Harry a few seconds later, but the screen only showed Harry’s ceiling and all Tom could hear was his laughter. “Harry? Are you there?”
“Tom! Sorry, sorry, I-” Harry’s voice broke out into giggles again, and his face popped into frame. “I didn't mean to hang up, I was just flailing, and I accidentally hit the ‘end call’ button. Are you being serious?”
Tom frowned. “Why would I make something like this up?”
Harry waved the accusation aside. “It’s just unbelievable. Wow. That’s great! I know you’ve been really wanting to get your sound out into the mainstream sphere, so this is an excellent opportunity!”
Tom’s eyebrows rose. “Really? No cap?”
“Why the fuck do you even- yeah, no cap.”
“On God?”
Harry groaned. “Tom, you’re agnostic.”
“You don’t feel like this is the greatest treachery you’ve experienced, now that I will be working with your arch nemesis?” Tom reaffirmed.
“Tom! I worked there for like, six weeks. And, even if I did have some kind of issue with Wendy’s, why would I ever object to this huge opportunity for you?” Harry briefly went off screen, and came back with a clown horn. “Honk!”
“No, Harry, we talked about this, you actually honk the horn, you don’t say honk.”
Honk.
“There you go,” Tom said, and reached over the arm of the couch to grab his matching horn from his bookshelf.
Honk.
“Hey, maybe honk will be our always.”
“Tom, you John Green bitch.”
Tom squawked, “You’re the one that cried when we watched it!”
Harry scoffed. “Hypocrite! You were sobbing. You were mouthing along to the words, you nerd!”
“I will not apologize for appreciating a fantastic movie adaptation of an even more fantastic novel- besides, you’re the one that made me take that Buzzfeed ‘We Know Which "The Fault In Our Stars" Character You Are’ quiz!” Tom exclaimed.
“Okay, Augustus Waters,” Harry sing-songed.
“Fuck off, Hazel Grace Lancaster.”
Harry rolled his eyes. “I thought I was going to get Isaac, but whatever. Do the EP. I believe in you, and you work so hard on your music. You deserve this,” Harry said, and the grin he gave Tom was blinding.
Tom nodded. “I agree. Thank you for allowing me to work with your enemy- I promise, I will make you proud.”
“Tom, really, Wendy’s isn’t my enemy-”
“I will make you proud, and I will make McDonald's wish they had never fired me,” Tom confirmed, solemnly.
Harry sighed. “I’m sure you will. So, did they tell you the name picked out for the album yet?”
Tom scanned the email, and right there, yes, the email’s subject line read: ‘Collaboration Requested on Wendy’s EP, We Beefin?’
“‘We Beefin?’”
Harry’s brows furrowed. “Sorry, what?”
“‘We Beefin?’ is the name of the EP.”
“Oh,” Harry paused. “That’s… fun.”
“It’s not my typical material, but it will be worth it for the clout, I suspect. All I have to do is what I do best- rap. All of the songs are already written, they just want my ‘Lord Voldemort flair’, ” Tom said, “Of course, who wouldn’t?”
“Who wouldn’t,” Harry repeated. “So. Uh, Tom, don’t get offended, but did you wonder why they chose you to work with on the album? I would think more... conventionally popular, mainstream rappers would be interested in working with such a big company as well.”
“How dare you!” Tom exclaimed, scandalized. “Wendy’s just understands my talent, and they want to showcase it!”
“Love, I’m sure they do. I was just asking.”
Tom sighed. “I know, I know. They mentioned in the email that they wanted someone who was more popular online so they could connect my audience, rap enthusiasts, to… burgers. But trust me, I still know not to trust the bourgeoisie, and I will not sign anything without showing you first.”
Harry, the wonderful and intelligent man that he was, was studying law at Ilvermorny UK. He, after Operation Dehydration, realized that he needed to become much more informed on law and civil law in order to take down capitalism and the big corporations of the world.
Unfortunately, lawyers were not allowed to have personalized theme songs play as they entered court, according to Harry. Eventually, Tom planned to normalize what he called ‘Operative Courtroom Tune,’ but that, unfortunately, would have to wait until he was a bit more prominent in the rap world.
“Sure, you can show me the contract when I come to visit this week. Did they- oh, fuck, Hermione’s here, I gotta go. Talk to you later! Love you!” Harry made a kissing noise and waved.
“Love you, too.” Tom waved as well, and Harry ended the call. Immediately, he received a message from Harry that read, ‘proud of u! i was gonna say make sure u ask wendy's if malfuck and barty can do it with u. ok, gtg fr, herm is pushing me. honk?’
Tom grinned, and texted back, ‘In the email, they wrote that I could bring any backup singers I needed, so I’ll ask Draco and Barty right now. I’ll call you if anything happens. Honk.’