Work Text:
Roman couldn’t say when he realized he wasn’t going back home. It might have been around Christmas time. Looking around the mindscape and seeing the decorations and the general family feel certainly made him think about Janus and Virgil, and then the fact that they hadn’t spoken since the argument they had.
A lot had changed in between then. Thomas had gotten a strange reputation around the school with how much his class had seemed to change all of a sudden. Those changes had mostly come from Remus and Roman working with Logan. They made the powerpoints much more visually pleasing, which was an easy first step, and he and Remus were granted full reign to answer the kids’ questions and go on tangents, as long as they still got to the homework (well, it couldn’t all be fun). Roman and Patton decorated the classroom together, just as they had the mindscape. Roman’s favorite part was the baking soda volcano they had set up in one corner, which could be used on one of the fun days they were setting aside for each year (about one a unit, which they could reevaluate as they went).
Things had been changing outside the classroom too, starting with the three light sides learning about Roman’s theatre in the mindscape, which he had saved from Thomas’ days in high school. Roman had loved everything about that time, it had been the last time he remembered actually having a job relating to Thomas (although of course Thomas hadn’t seen him). It had been how Remus started coming to visit too, back when they were both teenagers. A lot of the plays had required them working together, after all, and Roman would admit he was glad he got to keep seeing Remus after they’d gone to college and left that part of their life behind them.
Well, except for Roman. He’d built a theatre. It had mostly been used to show Janus and Virgil the plays he’d written. Patton suggested showing them to Thomas, which had the immediate effect of Roman shrieking and hiding all of his plays.
He had started writing and performing some with Remus, though. Logan and Patton made frequent audience members.
The mindscape itself had gotten more decorative. There were pictures up, and some paintings (Roman’s more than Remus, mostly because Patton had insisted there be no graphic nudity or violence involved, especially not in the kitchen). Roman had helped each of the others decorate their doors, which is where Remus did include graphic violence and nudity. Patton did not often go into Remus’ room using the door.
Roman hadn’t expected their relationship to be perfect. Patton was still often uncomfortable with Remus’ ideas, and Remus still often felt stifled by Patton’s morals, but at least they were listening to each other. Each of them were trying to adapt at least a little to what the other preferred. So far it seemed to be working.
Roman wasn’t really aware of how much time had actually been passing until he opened his door one morning and saw Patton hanging ornaments on a Christmas tree. Remus was sitting nearby and listing all of the ornaments he wanted to add to the tree, and Logan was listening to him, looking very wary of the conversation.
“Hey, what’s happening?” Roman asked as he walked into the living room.
“Oh, Princey!” Patton called, turning from the tree with a smile. “You’ve never been here during Christmas before, have you? Oh goodness, we should have waited for you to start putting up ornaments, I’m sorry!”
“Uh, that’s okay,” Roman said, stepping forward. Christmas time. He was supposed to be arguing with Janus and Virgil over which Halloween-themed ornaments to allow on the tree. Even during the Christmas season, the two of them loved Halloween too much to let it go.
“I think I’m just gonna make some breakfast,” Roman muttered, moving past Remus and Logan and towards the kitchen.
“Oh, hang on, I’m going to make cinnamon rolls!” Patton called. Roman sighed and turned back around. He walked over to sit next to Remus on the couch, with the stockings on his other side. Back home he would make a fireplace, despite one not being there for most of the year. He doubted Remus ever did that. He didn’t really want to ask, it would feel far worse having any kind of direct reminder of what he used to do.
Patton finished hanging the ornaments on the tree and headed into the kitchen a couple minutes after that, as Remus continued to debate with Logan as to what kind of cool science experiments they could do at home over the break, going very much stream-of-consciousness style. Logan seemed to be keeping up alright.
Patton called a little later that breakfast was ready, and Roman hadn’t spoken once, which wasn’t a problem for him. He would much rather grab a couple cinnamon rolls and come eat them in here by himself. He wondered if Patton would let him do that.
Roman wandered into the kitchen and took a couple cinnamon rolls and put them on a plate, then grabbed a glass of milk and waited for Patton to start arguing with Remus about what toppings were appropriate (meaning they wouldn’t make the kitchen stink for the rest of the day), then walked back into the living room to let the three of them talk.
He looked over at the Christmas tree. That should be a Nightmare Before Christmas ornament. Roman waved his hand and changed it. That one should be a bright orange jack-o-lantern, which does not fit the mood at all, Virgil, come on! Roman waved his hand and changed that one too. By the time he finished the tree had far more Halloween decorations than the one downstairs ever had. Roman left it for a couple seconds and then changed it back. It would be rude to actually leave it that way.
Roman brought his dishes to his room with him and set them down on his desk to finish later. He suddenly felt more miserable than he thought he ever had before during Christmas time. He wondered what Virgil and Janus were doing right now. How had the break gotten this long? He hadn’t intended it to. But they definitely wouldn’t want a visit from him now.
God, he must look absolutely pathetic laying on his bed and moping like a homesick child. If Virgil was here he would laugh. If Janus was here he would do that chuckle that meant “You’re adorable and I’m telling you this in the most condescending manner I can think of without actually saying a single word.”
Remus rose up suddenly in the middle of the room. “Roman! We missed you at breakfast, where’ve ya been?”
Roman jerked upwards and glared at the reason he was here and not at home with his family. “Get out!”
Remus jerked back in surprise. “What?”
“Out! I want you out!”
Remus blinked a couple times, and Roman caught the barest hint of a hurt look flashing across his face. “I didn’t even do anything.”
“Out!” Roman screamed, and Remus looked even more surprised at his angry tone before sinking out quickly.
Roman buried his head in his hands and screamed into them. Now why did he do that?
“Remus, wait!” he called, sinking out after him. He rose up back in the commons in front of the Christmas tree.
“I’m sorry,” Roman said, and Remus spun back around from where he’d clearly been about to talk to Logan and Patton. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t get enough sleep last night. Sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped.”
Remus looked like he didn’t quite believe him, but he nodded anyway. “It’s alright. We were just wondering why you weren’t at breakfast.”
‘We’ implied that Patton and Logan had been asking too, and now Roman felt worse. He sighed. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “I’m just in a bad mood. I shouldn’t be taking it out on you all, it has nothing to do with you.”
Roman saw the other three exchange a glance, and looked up in surprise. “What?”
“Okay,” Patton said, walking forward and taking Roman gently by the arm. “It’s time we had a talk.”
Before Roman could ask what he meant, Patton sunk them both out, and they ended up in Roman’s bedroom.
“Kiddo,” Patton said. “It’s okay to care about people.”
Roman stared at Patton, having no idea where this was going. “Uh, yeah. I know, Pat. What do you mean by—”
“Princey, kiddo,” Patton cut him off. “I mean it’s okay to care about people that other people don’t like.”
Roman had a feeling he knew where this was going now. He didn’t say anything, backing up a couple paces and sitting on his bed. Patton walked over and joined him a second later.
“Princey, we all love you so much,” Patton said, pulling Roman into a side hug. “We do. I can’t imagine our little family going back to existing without what we’ve built with you. You complete us and make us better. But…” Patton squeezed Roman tightly. “It’s also okay if sometimes we’re not what you need. It’s okay that you love Anxiety and Deceit. You grew up with them, I would be far more concerned if you didn’t care about them.”
“But you don’t like them,” Roman protested.
“I don’t think they’re right for Thomas,” Patton agreed. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to get angry when you miss them, kiddo. None of us are. That would be mean.”
Roman looked over at Patton. “They’re mad at me,” he whispered. “I don’t think they want anything to do with me anymore.”
“Oh, kiddo, I’m sorry,” Patton said, pulling Roman into another hug that Roman couldn’t help but sink into. “No wonder you’re sad right now.”
Roman let out a shaky breath and buried his face in Patton’s shoulder, wondering how he could have ever hated someone like him.
“No matter what, I promise you’ll always be part of our family, okay?” Patton murmured.
Roman winced. “But—”
“No matter what,” Patton said much more firmly. “I promise.”
Roman took another deep breath and nodded into Patton’s shoulder. “Okay,” he whispered.
They stayed there for another moment and then Roman pulled back. “Can I, um. Can I have a little alone time?”
Patton nodded with a sad smile. “Will you be there for dinner or should I bring you something up?”
“I’ll be down for dinner.”
Patton nodded and sunk out, and Roman turned and pulled his pillow up to his face just in time to start crying.
…
He ended up heading back to Remus’ room a little bit before dinner with the intent to apologize again.
Remus was staring at an empty paint canvas when Roman opened the door. He glanced over and grinned when he saw him. “Roman! Do you know what an anatomically correct heart would look like split in half?”
“I think that’s a question for Logan.”
Remus nodded. “You’re probably right. Is it dinner time already?”
“Almost. I wanted to apologize for earlier.”
Remus gave him a look. “You already did.”
“I know, I just wanted to do it… again,” Roman ended awkwardly.
Remus gave him a curious look. “Roman,” he said. “I sometimes get the impression that you think I don’t know how much you gave up to help me.”
Roman blinked in surprise. To say that he hadn’t been expecting Remus to say that would be an understatement.
“Look, Patton and Logan drive me crazy sometimes, and they fucked up a bunch,” Remus said. “But they’re family. I love them. I cannot imagine being okay if I lost them.”
Roman swallowed, and opened his mouth to reply, but Remus cut him off.
“And Janus and Virgil are your Logan and Patton, right? Maybe even more important to you. You made a huge sacrifice giving them up when you helped me. Don’t ever think I don’t appreciate it, okay?”
Roman stared for a minute. Remus was right, he hadn’t thought that Remus knew how much he gave up. “I just… didn’t want you to keep hurting,” he said finally. “But I don’t know how much I made an actual difference. It seems like you could have done a lot on your own. And sometimes that makes me a little bitter. I’m sorry.”
Remus smiled at Roman like he thought he was an idiot. “Uh, Roman,” he said. “I know I’ve been doing a lot more lately, and yeah I had the final conversation with Logan and Patton at the end there, but I could not have done any of this without you.”
“I’m not sure you’re giving yourself enough credit,” Roman said. “You played a huge part in fixing your own problems.”
Remus turned in his chair so he was facing Roman directly. “Ro-ro, can I tell you a story?”
“Um, okay?”
“When I was ten years old I snuck down to your commons and stole Janus’ book on how the mindscape worked so I could teach myself how to duck out.”
Roman’s eyes snapped wide open. “What? Remus, that’s insane! Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?” Janus had told him and Virgil about some of the more dangerous things sides could do, like ducking out, although he hadn’t explained how to do so. He’d also spent most of the lecture about ducking out explaining why it was an absolutely terrible idea that neither of them should ever do under any circumstances.
“Eh, not much of one to be honest, but that’s not the point. That was something I started doing all the time. I don’t think anyone ever actually noticed. I would mostly do it when Logan or Patton was bugging the hell out of me and I needed to get away for a few days.”
“Remus, that’s…” Roman said faintly. “That does so much damage to a side. That’s probably exactly why your side of the Imagination is like it is.”
“Huh,” Remus said. He didn’t seem to think that was nearly as much of a heart shattering revelation as Roman did. “Okay, noted. But that’s not the point of my telling you this. The more important point is why I stopped.”
“Why did you stop?” Roman asked.
“I was sixteen. Thomas started doing plays so I started visiting your side of the Imagination instead.”
Roman blinked a couple times. “Seriously?”
Remus nodded. “You provided exactly the kind of outlet I need for the amount of creativity I had left. And then you came over here and started helping me build back up the rest of it. I wouldn’t have had the strength to try without you. I’d probably have just left for good by now without you.”
Roman had no clue what to say. He’d had no idea things had been that bad. Hell, he’d probably have come over here a long time ago, Janus and Virgil or not, had he known. “God, Remus,” he shook his head. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey, this isn’t an apology story. This is a look at how much you’ve helped me story. I’m trying to thank you, dummy.”
Roman smiled a little. “Someone should have noticed earlier. But you’re welcome.”
“Well, we’re here now. Can’t change the past. My point is, you do help me, and I don’t think I could have done this on my own. But now I can. And it’s your goddamn fault. So take some pride in that. Now let’s go eat dinner.”
Remus hopped up and walked out of the room, paint-covered clothes and all. Roman stared after him for a moment, smiled at him, and followed.
Patton was setting the table as he walked into the kitchen, Logan was getting drinks, and Remus was already pulling out several different things to add to the meal that did not match the actual entrée.
“Hey, if you all don’t mind,” Roman called as he walked in. “I’m going to give my Christmas present a little early.”
Logan glanced up. “I thought we’d agreed to do Secret Santa. Did you get something for everyone?”
“Princey, you shouldn’t have!” Patton called.
“Well, actually, it’s more for you and Logan. Remus already has this one.”
Remus gave him a curious look and stopped squeezing mustard onto his spaghetti.
“You all really tried to make me feel welcome and part of the family today,” Roman said. “Except for you, Logan, you clearly can’t stand me.”
“What? No, I—”
“Sarcasm, teach. But if you all care about and trust me that much, then I thought I should return the favor, at least a little.” Roman took a deep breath. “So my name is Roman.”
Patton’s eyes widened across the kitchen. “Oh. Oh! Oh my goodness, Princey— uh, Roman. Thank you for telling us that.”
“I definitely should have guessed that,” Logan muttered. “It fits with Remus’ name too obviously. I’m losing my touch.”
Roman snorted. “Yeah, teach, you’re really slipping,” he said, nudging Logan in the shoulder as he passed to make sure Logan knew he was being sarcastic again. He walked around the table and sat down next to Remus.
“Well, thank you for sharing, Roman. That takes a lot of courage,” Patton said with a smile.
“Indeed,” Logan said, looking up from where he had been pondering his deteriorating mental state. “I am glad you can feel accepted and cared for among us. We certainly intended for you to feel so.”
Roman smiled, the tight feeling that had been in his chest all day finally loosening a bit. “Thanks, Logan,” he said. “Merry Christmas.”
“Christmas isn’t for another—”
“Oh good lord specs, it fit with the tone.”