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It was past midnight -or what they assumed was midnight in space- and Lance still laid awake on his bed. He couldn’t sleep. Everytime he tried, he would be reminded of how useless he was on the team. He thought coming to space and becoming part of a superhero team would make him feel like he was actually worth something, but all it did was make him feel even more shitty. He doesn’t remember when the thoughts started but he knew why. He was the seventh wheel. He wasn’t as important as the rest of the team.
Hunk was Lance’s best friend since 4th grade. It has always been Lance and Hunk for as long as he can remember. Lance would do anything for him even if he lost himself in the process. He thought joining a space team with Hunk would bring them closer but it only seemed to push them further apart. Hunk was too smart for Lance. He would always find him either baking or doing some tech wizard shit that Lance couldn’t comprehend. He was happy that Hunk was finding new friends but he missed when it was just Lance and Hunk.
Now Pidge, Lance only met at the Garrison. She has always been distant with them but she was one of Lance’s best friends. She was probably the smartest person he knew. I mean, who else is smart enough to trick the Garrison into thinking you're a boy named Pidge Gunderson? Whenever Lance saw Pidge, she was always on her computer, creating new inventions or looking for her family. He never understood computers. They were too complicated. Maybe that's why she prefered Hunk over him.
You’re just too dumb!
Shiro had been Lance’s hero since he was a child. He wanted to be like him. Shiro is what kept Lance going when he was struggling with his work at the Garrison. He just imagined himself meeting Shiro and making him proud. Of course, nothing is ever that easy. Not only does Shiro think of him as a goofball, but he would always choose Keith over him. Keith, his rival since his first year at the Garrison. Lance shouldn’t be surprised. Shiro and Keith have been like brothers since they were younger, but it still hurt. A lot. He was just Keith's replacement. Isn’t that how he made it to fighter class?
Keith was someone Lance wanted to be so bad. He hated the fact that he wanted to be him. Lance tried so hard to make everyone proud, but it was always Keith. What made it worse was that Keith didn’t even care. He had the entire Garrison worshipping him and he didn’t care. Keith had a natural talent when it came to flying. Something Lance would never have. When Lance discovered that Blue chose him over Keith, he was beyond stocked. Only to discover that Keith had his own lion waiting for him. He should be happy for him, he really should.
It’s not their fault that he’s useless.
Lance doesn’t know Allura much but he knows that she’s strong and a great fighter. Their first introduction was literally Allura throwing him to the ground. Not only is she a great fighter, but a great diplomat. She has gained the trust of so many planets with her kindness alone. Maybe Blue should have chosen her instead. Maybe Lance’s only role was to drop them off at the castle. It also doesn’t help that Lance has a minor crush on her but she only sees him as a nuisance. A playboy flirt.
Coran is someone Lance liked. He’s like the wise space uncle that understands everyone. The only one who doesn’t look at him like he’s unwanted. Even with his quirkiness, Coran is still more useful than Lance would ever be. He keeps the entire castle running while still managing to take care of everyone as well. Lance thought helping Coran would make him feel more useful but he just messes things up. For fucks sake he got stuck in one of the cryo pods the last time he tried to be remotely helpful!
Now this brings Lance back to reality. He stares at the ceiling for who knows how long, until the alarms blare. He groans his annoyance before rolling out of bed. He changes into his armour as fast as he can before heading to the control room. As usual, Lance was the last one there which earned him a few heated stares.
“Lance, you’re late.” Allura stated. She had her hair tied in a bun with her armour on. She stood tall in what Lance liked to call her “leader pose”. Shiro had one of those too.
“Sorry ‘Lura,” he replied back. Not really in the mood for a flirty comeback. Allura seemed to have also been expecting the same thing because her eyes went a little wide.
“Uh, it’s fine. So I called you all here because we received a distress signal from planet Krell. The Galra have held them hostage in hopes to capture the Yalex.”
“I thought we defeated the Yalex.” Keith voiced. Hunk nodded, followed by some grumbling.
“Yeah, some training that was.”
“The Yalex is destroyed but the Galra aren’t convinced. The citizens are being forced to hunt for the Yalex.” Allura explained. Lance stifled a yawn as he thought back to what Allura just dished out. Lance hated that training practice. He did nothing useful. Just an annoying blabbermouth that can’t shut up and use his brain. It was Keith and Hunk who came up with the plans, Pidge who successfully completed the challenges, and Shiro who encouraged everyone to keep trying. What did Lance do? Flirt. Not to mention, piss off Allura.
“What do you suggest we do Princess?” Shiro asked, also getting into his leader pose. Allura gestured her hand to make a hologram appear. A map of Krell.
“Shiro and Keith, you will be striking from the ground. Pidge will drop you off using a cloaked Green. Hunk, since the Krell civilians have taken a liking to you during the last visit, you will be incharge of leading everyone to safety. Yellow should provide a shield while you get everyone onboard. Pidge, I need you to send whatever information the Galra have on the Yalex, to the castle. If the Yalex is out there, then it might interfere with our fight against the Galra. Lance, you stay on higher grounds. Keep a look out and protect Hunk while he helps the Krellians. Understood?”
Everyone nodded then began to prepare for the mission ahead. Lance headed towards the hangars and prepared for his part of the mission in Blue. He could feel her presence and that brought major comfort to Lance’s mind. Lance waited for Allura’s signal before he flew out the hangar and landed on a nearby hill. The rocks would hide his lion while he had a perfect view of the rest of the team. He stood there. Waited. A couple of doboshes passed. Those doboshes sooned turned to vargas. Lance waited until the mission was over. Everyone already had everything handled. They managed to succeed with the entire mission without needing Lance to make a single shot.
Lance felt the wetness behind his eyes but he held them back. Not now.
The team returned to the ship. Lance put on his signature grin and faced the team.
“Well, that was exhausting! If you don’t need me here anymore, I think I’m going to head back to my room now.”
Lance turned around and left the control room without waiting for any confirmation. Lance’s smile dropped and the tears welled up again. They stung, but nothing can compare to how his heart stung. Lance stripped off his armour once he reached the room and sat on the bed. He stared at the wall as the tears slid freely down his cheeks. He didn’t make a sound, barely even moved. He just stared at the wall as his mind went rampant with negative thoughts.
They didn’t need him.
~~~~~~
Lance’s departure left everyone wary at the control room. Everyone felt the same thing but no one said a thing. It was Hunk who broke the silence and voiced what everyone was thinking.
“Does something seem off with Lance or is it just me?”
“No, I see it too,” Keith agreed. Followed by nods from the rest of the team.
“Has he been getting enough sleep? He looked exhausted this morning” Shiro, the overbearing space dad, stated.
“I don’t think he has, and trust me I would know!” Pidge exclaimed. That earned her an unamused expression from Shiro.
“Should we go check on him?” Allura asked sweetly. While she did get mildly annoyed by the flirty comments coming from the blue paladin, she did care deeply for all her teammates. Keith nodded.
“Yeah, let’s go.” The rest of the paladins followed Keith out the room. They stood outside of Lance’s room before Pidge found the courage to knock.
“Hey Lance, open up.”
The other side was silent. One could have assumed no one was in there if it wasn’t for the castle scans stating that he was.
“Lance! You alright?” Shiro tried. No response.
“Lance, it’s me Hunk. I swear if you don’t open this door, we’re breaking it down buddy!” Hunk grew concerned. Lance. Locked in a room. Silent. The possibilities of what could be happening were endless.
“Step aside, I’ll enter the castle's override code.” Allura pushed her way through and entered a code that had the room door sliding open.
By this point Lance was leaning against the bed wall, knees tucked to his chest. His hands covered his ears as his soft sobs escaped his lips.
“Lance! Shit! Are you alright?” Keith rushed towards Lance. It was no secret that Lance and Keith didn’t have the best relationship, but Keith wasn’t heartless. Something was obviously wrong and he wanted to help.
Lance’s eyes widened at the sudden intrusion.
Fuck! They can’t see me like this.
He hastily wiped her tears away in a failed attempt to hide them.
“Uhh, yeah I’m great. Why are you here? You guys must be exhausted! You should head to bed. What time is it? I mean I guess we don’t really know the time-”
Lance was rambling. A behaviour he had when he was nervous. Hunk, being his closest friend, easily picked up on this.
“Breathe Lance. What happened?” Hunk asked again. Lance tried placing on his grin back but it probably looked more like a grimace at this point.
“Nothing-”
“Lance! Don’t even try to lie to us. We saw you crying.” It was Keith who spoke this time. Lance was shocked to say the least. Keith, the same Keith who was his rival for years, showing an ounce of care for him? The thought alone seemed impossible.
“Are you injured Lance?” Shiro asked. Already starting to inspect possible places he could have injured himself. Lance tried thinking of an excuse but there was no luck.
“I’m fine Shiro.”
It wasn’t a complete lie. Physically he was great, but mentally he was fighting a demon that was himself. Hunk knew Lance enough to know what he meant by “fine”.
“Maybe on the outside you are, but you’re not fine at all. Are you?” Lance tried to hold back the next wave of tears. He really did, but having someone other than himself tell him that he’s not fine broke something in him. He choked on a sob. Lance fell onto Shiro’s chest and the latter caught him.
“Lance...what’s up buddy?” Shiro asked softly. He held Lance, trying his best to comfort him.
“Do you need me on the team?”
The team looked at him in shock. This was Lance. The Lance that was confident in everything he did, the Lance that walked like he owned the world, the loud and flirty Lance that didn’t give a shit what people thought of him. Allura spoke first this time.
“Of course we do Lance. You’re the blue paladin!”
Lance scoffed.
“Yeah, you need Blue. Anyone can be the blue paladin ‘Lura. You don’t need me .”
“Lance, we do need you! Who else is going to make us laugh after a stressful mission, or play Killbot Phantasm with me?” Pidge said.
“Hunk can do that too. I mean, I don’t bring anything to the team! When was the last time I did something useful?” Lance yelled. Shiro furrowed his eyebrows.
“Lance. You bring so much to this team and I’m sorry if we have made you feel like you don’t. We need you here Lance. Not just for Blue but for you too. We can’t succeed in a mission without you!”
“You guys did perfectly fine today”
The team looked confused for a moment. Lance has been on that mission with them, was he not? It wasn’t until Keith realized that he hadn't noticed where Lance was at all. He knew he was there but he doesn’t remember him engaging in any form of combat. What did Allura say he had to do? Oh right, stay on high grounds and protect the ones who were on the ground. The team had been handling themselves perfectly that they didn’t realize Lance was left behind.
“Fuck. Shit, Lance I’m so sorry” Keith apologized. They messed up. Nobody realized how insecure Lance really was until he finally broke.
“Don’t be”
“Don’t! We should be sorry Lance. We didn’t realize how much we’ve been neglecting you and that’s not ok!” Keith shouted. Lance stared at Keith. Keith stared back. Shiro, sensing the tension, decided to butt in.
“Keith is right Lance. We’re all sorry. I don’t know how yet but we’ll make it better. I promise you that we’ll try.”
The rest of the team nodded their agreement before joining them in their hug. Even Keith joined in and he’s not a cuddler at all. At that moment, Lance felt like maybe things can get better. Maybe they just need time.
Out in the hallway, Coran stood. Watching Lance finally getting the support he needed. He cared deeply for the boy and he was glad that his team was finally there for him. He decided to leave them to it so he walked towards the kitchen with a content smile on his face. What should he make for the paladins today? Maybe grandfather Wimbleton’s famous tentacle soup! With that, Coran got to work while the paladins continued with their bonding moment. Hopefully one Lance will remember.