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r/relationship_advice: Posted by newbx92 1 hour ago
My (28f) fiancé (67m) won’t stop bothering his ex-wife?
A bit of background, I (28f) have recently gotten engaged to my (67m) fiancé. Which, yeah, I get what you’re thinking. But that’s not the point, I think? Anyway, my life’s been a bit all over the place the last few months or so, and I could really use some advice.
Anyway, my fiancé—who I’ll call by the pseudonym “Robert”, because I’m getting tired of typing the little dash thing—had gone through a messy divorce like a year ago. So messy that he lost the ownership of this major sports team, or as he calls it “his life’s light and joy and promise” to his ex-wife. Anyway, Robert’s got this whole theory that his ex is intentionally trying to destroy his team or whatever (for a lot reasons I don’t have the time to get into), so for the last few months or so he’s been spending most of his free time trying to get at least partial ownership of the team back. At the time I was like that’s cool, I guess. It’s nice to see a bloke be passionate about something, yeah?
What’s more sus though, is that around the time we got engaged, he asked if I’d be interested in purchasing a ~3% share of the team. At first I was like “Haha what? I still have student loans,” but then he started going on about all these reasons about why it would be a really good investment, that it would help me pay off my loans in the long run, etcetera etcetera. I was still really hesitant until he told me he’d give me the money for the purchase. I thought that was kind of weird at the time, but I figured hey why not? Not my money. So yeah, I am now partial owner of Local Sports Team™. Cheers.
Because of that, we have to attend this like ownership meeting thing with his ex. I knew it would be at a pub, but I thought it would still just be boring business type shit, discuss plans for the team and all. Nope! Not. At. Fucking. All. Whole thing turned into a bloody pissing match between Robert and the team’s new manager. Robert lost at darts.
The worst part, though, is that while we were at the pub, Robert was saying all sorts of shit to his ex. Pretty much saying that we were doing the purchase just so he can bother his ex at games. Telling her that after the marriage, what’s “mine will be his and what’s his will still be his”. Because he learned his lesson. Meanwhile, I’m like right there trying to smile and laugh along with everything, because, I don’t really know why actually?
Like I feel like I just got swept up in this whole thing—in all the attention, and the glamour, and the “adventure” of it all. But I’m just like why really? Like the only reason I even met Robert was because some other bloke found me on Instagram and asked if I’d help him in some other scheme at charity event? And I was too stupid to realize that at the time, but that other bloke was just using me to push around his girlfriend. And now here I am? I peddle smoothies on Instagram, I date a wealthy old man, and I own just shy of 3% of a professional sports team?
I didn’t really start thinking about it all until I started writing it all down. But I’m starting to think I’m not liking the person I’m turning into. Or like—I’m tired of being a fucking prop in some arsehole’s stupid schemes. But I don’t really know what to do now? I just feel stuck I guess?
Because I lied just now about what the worst part is. The worst part is that I found out today that I’m pregnant.
And I told Robert. And you know what he did next? He drove to the fucking club—to where his ex works. He didn’t tell me that’s where he went but someone who works there posted something on Twitter that he was there. And part of me just wants to scream “What are you doing there with her? I am here and you made this happen and can you help me?”
But then there’s this other part of me. A part of me that feels quiet and calm and like it’s deep in my spine or soul or some shit—a part of me that I don’t think I have made much effort to listen to before now. That part of me knows that his “help” is probably the last thing I need right now.
So yeah. That’s me. That’s my life. As you can tell, just this whole writing thing has been like fucking revelatory for me, but drop a note in the comments if you have any thoughts or advice. Because I’m feeling real fucking stuck, and real fucking scared, and real fucking lonely right now.
EDIT: Oh also, I forgot to mention his ex-wife has the same first name as me. Which while before I was like “Oh funny, haha, coincidence”, but now I’m just like…yeah.